Gah!

i have race brain….bad. GAH!

First, i’m emotional. i cried when i drove the last several miles to the race start, overwhelmed by the beauty of the venue and how unbelievable it is to me that i am here. i’m not a crier, either.

i will stop crying. i will stop crying.

Maximus is in Chicago for business and for the first time, i’m a mess about it. Saturday morning, as i was driving to the race venue, Maximus was flying to Chicago. We had a great conversation that morning before i left and He said He would get a hold of me after He got through security at the airport. i never heard from Him…not even the normal texts letting me know He’s getting on the plane or I love you’s when doors closing. i finally got a text He had landed and was in a cab enroute to the hotel, but after two hours, still nothing. i was upset by this–what’s going on? For the first time, i felt suspicious about His travels…and i told Him that when we talked about it. He understood where I was coming from and we moved on.

Then last night, i called His room at 11:30 PM His time after not hearing from Him. The phone was picked up and promptly hung up on me. Then i called back and it went to voicemail. As i got voicemail the second time, i got a text from Him that He was walking to His room.

“That’s odd, because i just called Your room and someone hung up on me,” i texted back.

Then He immediately called saying He’d been in His room for five minutes and missed the call while in the bathroom.

It didn’t make sense to me and i was suspicious again. Gah. And it ruined my whole day. i was upset that the chain of events happened and that they were making me feel suspicious. And i hated feeling suspicious! We talked through it but i was terribly upset by it and by the time we were able to talk about our days, i was just destroyed and couldn’t talk. i asked Maximus to let us just end the call because i was upset and couldn’t talk, which He did. i cried for about 10 minutes, rested, and called Him back 20 minutes later and we talked about our days.

Second, i’m forgetful. i lost my wallet and my Garmin GPS triathlete watch this morning, which is essential, expensive, and setup EXACTLY how i want it, a task that’s taken 3 years to figure out. Turns out, it was in my car in the center console where i put it when i left the car to use a restroom in a park.

i know it’s the stress of the upcoming race. i’m distracted, feeling a little overwhelmed perhaps. i had major burnout last week, couldn’t even train and had three days of intense stomach cramps. i’ve just not been myself.

i even forgot my birthday is in three days, until Maximus reminded me today on the phone.

Hey brain! Come back here! i need you!! Gah!

i love You, Maximus. Thank You for being patient with me right now. i’m sorry i was a mess last night.