D/s

Under the Bus

Day 3 at Desire….ahhhhhh!

It’s so nice to see all of our friends again. And it’s great to be back with the subs and our banter/comradarie/bus throwing! Get a sub “volunteered” for some type of service/punishment/funishment/activity for a Dom and you have thrown a subbie under the bus.  

But it’s a nice bus! ~ Shara

Throwing a sub under the bus is a grand sport and this year we have embraced it with vigor! 

We have bus socks: 

And little bus tattoos that you earn by successfully throwing a sub under the bus…like football helmet hash marks earned for awesome tackles. 


Happy happy!

Categories: BDSM relationship, D/s, Desire, discipline, Dom/sub, J.V. and Shara | Leave a comment

Wine and Poi

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It’s been a busy week–a lot of stuff going on! i’ve been having fun with some new (vanilla) classes which will enhance my service in our D/s.

i started my wine class last night. As i mentioned in Wine Service, Maximus would love for me to become a sommelier, but i’m not so sure about this. As a compromise, i enrolled in an adult education course at a local college that has the sommelier and winemaking academy for western Washington. Last night was the first of three nights and it was superb! i went with RunnerGirl, as i had enrolled her in the course as a Christmas gift to her.

So here are some things i learned:

Vintage is the year the grapes were harvested, not the year the wine was produced.

Where the grapes were grown is the most important aspect of wine. It is called terroir and is the environment of the site (soil, topography, climate, etc.) that affects the quality of the grape.

The 3 most important things about wine:

  • Terroir
  • Quality of the grape
  • Knowledge of the winemaker

Crystals in wine are tasteless tartrates (potassium) that come partly from yeast. Old World (European) winemakers leave it in because they believe it is part of the winemaking process, New World (US) winemakers generally remove it by a process called stabilizing. To stabilize, the wine is held in stainless steel vats and held at 32 degrees for one month. The tartrates settle to the bottom and the wine is pulled off. The potassium is generally sold to produce cream of tartar.

Don’t buy wine by price! Sometimes its due to how much the winemaker had to pay for the grapes–two bottles of different prices can be just due to a winemaker having to pay more for the same exact grapes!

Tasting Wine

First, swirl the wine in your glass to get oxygen into the wine. Swirling increases the surface area.

  1. Swirl the wine in your mouth
  2. Bring in air (oxygen) into your mouth
  3. Spit or swallow
  4. Inhale through your mouth and exhale through your nose in order to oxygenate the wine that is coating your mouth, enhancing the taste

Everyone tastes wine differently due to differences in their saliva! There is no right or wrong taste–the differences are DNA!

Information on Wine Labels

Varietal–if it lists a single varietal, the wine must be at least 75% of that varietal. The other 25% can be any other of the 10,000 varietals in the world. Why add other varietals? To make a better quality wine.

AVA (American Viticultural Area)–to list a wine as from a specific AVA, 85% of the grapes must be from that listed AVA. Note, oftentimes labels will list locations similar to, but not quite exactly, the AVA name to make it appear that it was produced from grapes from an AVA (Walla Walla Walla Walla County). Washington has 14 AVAs. This is called AOC in France and DOCG in Italy.

Vineyard–listed if 95% of grapes come from that vineyard.

Vintage–95% of the grapes must be of that year.

The wine label must include:

  • Whether the wine is white or red
  • Origin
  • Alcohol content
  • Sulfited or not
  • Government warning
  • Winery contact info
  • Importer, if imported

The rest of the stuff on the label is just marketing!

Terms on Labels

Reserve–not a legal term in the US. Used to be that wineries had a gentleman’s agreement that they only labeled the top 10% of their wines as reserve. However, some realized they could charge more for reserve-labeled wine and started labeling everything that. It doesn’t mean anything anymore. Note, reserva on Spanish wines is different and does mean something–more on this next week.

Estate–is a grey area. They can either own the vineyard or have a long-term contract with a specific grower and call it estate wine. Many wineries stay away from this term.

Meritage–Really means that the winery belongs to the Meritage Society and that the wine is produced with Bordeaux varietals (semillon, cabernet  sauvignon, cabernet franc, mourvèdre, etc). $1 of each case sold goes to the Meritage Society.

Sulfites–are a natural byproduct of winemaking and every bottle of wine in the world contains sulfites! It is necessary to preserve the wine. Sometimes sulfites are added because there’s not enough naturally in it to preserve it and thus the label will say, “sulfites added” vs. “no sulfites added.”

Even if a bottle doesn’t say whether there are sulfites or not, it still has sulfites. If a bottle is not sold out of state, it does not have to list whether there are sulfites or not as the sulfite labeling is a requirement of interstate commerce.

California is the only state that can label “sulfite not detected” and only from certified, organic, special wineries.

Varietals

We tasted four wines: a Washington viognier, French riesling, Italian Chianti Classico, Merlot from the wine academy.

Viognier

  • A varietal that was almost forgotten 20 years ago. Was often used as a blend in red wines.
  • Grows very well in Washington and southern France! Didn’t do well in New Zealand or Australia, who started trying to grow it 20 years ago. Not good from California.
  • Grape needs constant attention, starting in January when still covered with snow and ice, until after harvest, thus making it expensive to grow
  • Have a pronounced stone fruit, tropical fruit flavor, very herbal nose (chamomile, lavender, pine)
  • Because expensive to grow, tends to be more expensive to buy, approx. $25/bottle. Generally, $10-20 bottles are not good, so don’t buy them.

Riesling

  • Instructor does not like German rieslings, he grew up in middle of German riesling area and these are his impressions
  • Cheap wine, shouldn’t cost more than 50-cents a bottle! Factory-made, mass-produced
  • Grows fast and huge, 1 acre riesling yields 8 tons while 1 acre other varietals yields 1 ton.
  • Terrior makes all the difference in French Riesling over German Riesling
  • Have wet-stone, flower petal flavor, gasoline nose.

Chianti Classico

  • Chianti Classico is the AVA, what you want to buy
  • Made from sangiovese, can be any amount
  • Do not age chianti
  • Typically ruby red, taste of violets, cherries, hint of earthy spice.

Merlot

We didn’t have info on this other than tasting this specific wine.

We do have homework (yay!) where we have to taste three wines and be able to share our tasting with the class in regards to:

  • Grape Variety/Blend/Name
  • Winery
  • Vintage
  • Vineyard
  • Region (AVA, DOC, etc)
  • Country
  • Sight
  • Smell
  • Taste
  • Finish
  • Comment

The instructor suggested checking out the Washington State Wine Commission‘s website for more great info.

Next week we will spend more time on French, Italian, and Spanish wines. The last week will be all about serving, storing, etc.

 

Poi Spinning

The other thing i tried out this week was poi spinning as my itty, bitty town opened up a dance studio with a poi spinning instructor! What is poi spinning? It is a dance/performance originating from the Maori women in New Zealand where they spin/twirl balls on tethers. You may have seen fire poi spinning, where the balls are on fire, which came into popularity from Burning Man.

We learned with poi that were basically tennis balls in long socks! It was harder than it looks but so much fun! i’ve actually signed up for a six week course to learn more and plan to buy LED lighted poi. It will be so much fun to have these to do in yard during the summer or even on the beach at Desire! I’m pretty sure i’m not ever going to get into fire poi–i see disaster and injury written all over that!!

Here’s an example of LED poi spinning:

 

Categories: BDSM, D/s, dancing, Poi spinning, wine | Tags: | Leave a comment

What a Week!!

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Wow! Maximus and i had an amazing week–it was really hedonistic! Maximus took the whole week off (except one morning of work), which is sooooo rare and a treat for me, we explored together, saw great shows, went to vegan restaurants where we had the complete and rare joy of being able to order ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING off a menu, and spent wonderful times with special friends, being completely ourselves!

As i’d mentioned, several of our D/s friends had encouraged us to join them at the Fetish Fair Fleamarket in Rhode Island, February 17-19, so we bought tickets and made plans for that, which was exciting enough! But, we managed to get tickets to Hamilton in New York City for Valentine’s Day, so our Fetish Fair Fleamarket trip got extended into a full-blown week-long vacation. We got home yesterday and i’m still not quite back into normal life mode!

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View from The View

We have a time share and stayed in a beautiful suite right off Times Square between the Hudson Theatre and the Belasco Theatre. We couldn’t have asked for a better location–right in the heart of the theatre district! We wandered around the first afternoon, took in the sights. We had drinks and watched the sunset from The View at the top of the Marriott Marquis before heading to one of the top vegan restaurants in the country–Candle 79.

Tuesday, we jumped onto the Hop on Hop off bus and took a tour uptown. We love to start trips in big cities all over the world with the Hop on Hop off bus tours because we get a great overview of the city, learn some history, and figure out areas we want to come back to for more exploring. We hopped off at Central Park for some lunch, shopping at Bloomingdale’s, and walked back to our hotel. Then…the highlight of our NYC trip–Hamilton!

img_1831Hamilton was amazing! We have read Ron Chernow’s book, Alexander Hamilton, that inspired Lin-Manuel Miranda to write the screenplay, have listened to the soundtrack thousands of times and know the music by heart, have watched the documentary Hamilton’s America on PBS’ Great Performances and were shocked at how overwhelmed and blown away we were watching the show live in New York. Both Maximus and i were moved to tears and that img_1832totally surprised both of us. We loved our seats, which were dead center in the front mezzanine, fourth row, as we could see everything. (Many have asked us how we got tickets–i got them through Vivid Seats, which i wholeheartedly recommend! i also checked A View From My Seat to check which seats were good and which had obstructed views or other issues before i purchased them.) It was an experience of a lifetime, and if we could have gone the next night–we would have in a heartbeat! We capped off the night with sushi and cocktails.

Maximus had to work Wednesday morning, so i went to the gym and just chilled until He was free. We took the subway to the Flatiron District for lunch before going to the Museum of Sex. The museum wasn’t what i expected–i expected more.  There were some displays abouimg_1842t the sex club history of New York, artifacts through the ages, and exhibitions on animal sexuality, erotica through history, and erotic art, but it didn’t seem particularly in-depth to us. i did complete an online sex survey while at the museum and will share about that and the results in another post. Afterward we took another Hop on Hop off tour, this time of downtown, before heading to an early dinner at another vegan restaurant, Blossom on Columbus. Why the early dinner? Because we got tickets to see the sold out Dita Von Teese show that night (thanks again to Vivid Seats)!!

Dita’s show, The Art of the Teese, was so much fun! The show was great, but the venue and happenings there were the best! We were in the middle of NYC 20-30 year-olds, sexually vibrant, electronically-connected, dressed in their finest objectified 1950s wear, party! It was a Grinder/Tinder hookup mecca and so much fun to voyeur! The MC was Mr. Murray Hill, who was hysterical, terrifically inappropriate, and made the show! Dita was gorgeous and sexy, doing four sets in between sets of several other burlesque performers she’d selected.

Thursday was quite a day. We had tickets first thing in the morning for the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. We’d wanted to go Wednesday, when the weather was nicer, but we didn’t think we’d have enough time having to start late after Maximus’ work requirements were done, so we braved 34 degrees and 30 mph winds! It takes a long time to pick up your tickets, wait to go through security, wait for the ferry, etc. and it’s all outside. So while we had 9 AM tickets, we stood out in the cold from 8 AM to 9:45 just to get onto Liberty Island–but it was worth it. The museum inside the pedestal of the Statue of Liberty is great–we learned so much! We went to Ellis Island next, which is AMAZING! There is so much to see and learn there and we will go again just to spend an entire day at Ellis Island. We wanted to go on a hard-hat tour and see the other buildings under restoration after Hurricane Sandy, but we didn’t have enough time. We left Ellis Island for lunch and then went to the 911 Memorial and Museum. The 911 Memorial and Museum is very well done and it is emotional. The whole day was moving and emotionally draining. We ended the day at Hangawi, an amazing vegan Korean restaurant in the Korean District that we were lucky enough to get reservations for this week.

Friday we made our way to Warwick, Rhode Island for the Fetish Fair Fleamarket. There were three other couples in our group at the “Flea” and we were so, so, so looking forward to seeing them again and spending more time together. i’m going to post more about this part of the trip in separate entries, as there is a lot to talk about. But it was so great!

We got home yesterday and i am still wiped out! It’s a good wiped out, though, having had such an amazing week. i was so tired last night that while i’d set things out to make dinner, i couldn’t function enough to actually do it. Maximus excused me from my normal duties, sent me to bed, and made Himself something to eat! i still need to unpack!

Categories: 24/7, BDSM, D/s, Fetish Fair Fleamarket, Hamilton: The Revolution | Leave a comment

Artful Service Homework

sexy-maid

i was able to finally complete my homework from Miss Amy Red’s Artful Service class while flying to NYC for our Valentine’s week trip!

What makes service feel artful to you?

Art is defined as skill acquired by experience, study, or an occupation requiring knowledge or skill (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/art). So if we were to simply use these definitions, any service that was studied or someone was knowledgeable in would be considered artful. However, i feel that there is something more to service being artful, in that is it done with added grace, intention, attention to detail, and love. i can easily prepare Maximus’ bed at night—i do it every night He’s home—but i can be much more loving and attentive about it: gently removing the pillows and arranging them extra neatly beside the bed and on the dresser, lovingly smoothing out the quilt after i spread it over His side of the bed, fluff and caress His pillow. This is much different than tossing the pillows off, roughly pulling the quilt up and flipping the covers back. And it doesn’t matter whether He’s watching or not, being artful about it in this manner makes a difference.

i’ve heard it said many times that you can taste when someone cooks while they are angry, that it actually changes how the food is prepared and tastes. Love is an important ingredient in food and in all service. Doing service with love and intention changes the experience for both the giver and the receiver.

  • What do you enjoy about service?

i enjoy the act of doing something for someone—it gives me joy and an expanded sense of purpose. i have been in a service profession all of my adult life and was drawn to it to help those who needed it. my leadership style is servant leadership, in that i work to provide resources to others so that they can succeed. Being helpful, improving people’s lives makes me feel good! i enjoy serving Maximus because it helps make His life even better, takes a lot of stuff off His plate so He can better focus and achieve more for Himself and us, and He truly appreciates it—that’s huge! But i also enjoy service because it allows me to use my skills, whether in cooking, home maintenance and repair, gardening, decorating, playing the piano, proofreading, making PowerPoint documents, active listening, leadership advisement, etc.

  • What qualities set some service apart as being artful?

As i mentioned above, having intention, going above and beyond just completing the task, value-added, something that surprises and delights, done in a graceful, beautiful manner.

What increases the connection in acts of service?

Having focus and mindfulness increases the connection. Including touch, eye contact, slowing down all increase the connection. Doing something extra, anticipating needs or desires also increase this,

  • 2 ways to focus your attention that could increase connection in service interactions

As noted above, eye contact and touch/physical interaction can increase connection in service interactions.

  • What tools do you use to communicate your intentions wordlessly?

Body language and eye contact, positioning.

  • What do you appreciate about your partner in artful service interactions?

During artful service interaction i appreciate Maximus’ response and reactions. It is more than just a “thank you,” it is a look in His eyes, tone of voice, a deeper connection. Oftentimes i am rewarded with play, attention, whether it’s immediate or delayed.

What makes service more unique and intimate?

Knowing your partner’s preferences, touch, eye contact, positioning.

  • What style or service archetype are you curious about exploring?

As noted in Our M/s, we have incorporated attributes of 1950s Housewife, Victorian, CEO/COO into our D/s. We are extremely interested in exploring high protocol and have discovered the Libertine Social Club in our region, which will give us a chance to learn more and try it out.

  • What “ordinary” act of service would you like to try charging up?

i would be interested in charging up our bedtime ritual. i have several tasks for this, but i would like to find ways to increase our connection and intention as we go to bed. This is something i need to bring up to Maximus to see how He feels about this and what we can do to achieve this.

  • Can you make it more (choose one or more) valuable, enjoyable, beautiful, irreplaceable?

Valuable, enjoyable, and beautiful

What can improve or correct existing service?

Awareness is a large part of improving or correcting existing service. If you are not cognizant of areas where service can be improved or corrected, you will continue to operate at that level. It will require some self-discipline to evaluate performance, and evaluation, feedback, discipline, correction from Maximus as well.

  • What obstacle have you experienced recently?

During the last review of our rules and protocols, we noticed that we have not been sticking to the rules and protocols regarding door opening. i have been opening my own doors, especially car doors, which is a violation of Maximus’ expectations. While this does not seem like a service, it serves Maximus’ desire to be a gentleman—disregarding this robs Him of something important deep within Him. It also serves as a reminder to me that i am His, that there are expectations i must operate within, and causes me pause to remember our relationship.

While i have been better about this since we discussed this issue, there are many things i can do to make this more artful. First, i can use the pause to actually reflect on our relationship rather than look at my phone (as is often the case when waiting for Maximus to come around and open the car door to let me out), second, i can look into Maximus’ eyes and then nod during these times to convey my appreciation and connection rather than simply thanking Him, which i do every time, third, i can incorporate touch when i pass Him during these interactions.

  • What category(s) does that experience seem to fit with?

Incorporating these things can make the experience more valuable, enjoyable, beautiful, and irreplaceable. Why irreplaceable? Because i know Maximus holds doors for others, but He does not receive any of the response i described above from anyone, which will set that interaction to a higher level than others, increasing our connection, and strengthening our relationship.

Categories: 24/7, BDSM classes, D/s, M/s, Miss Amy Red, protocols, relationship, rituals, submissive housewife | Tags: | Leave a comment

Classes

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Maximus and i have been taking classes like crazy from the Center for Sex Positive Culture (CSPC) in Seattle. It’s like we’re making up for all the time we lost being afraid of munches and exploring our local kink community! FetLife has been great for finding these events (and we sure hope FetLife can keep going with all the financial limitations they’ve endured recently due to world politics).

We have been continuing the Tying With Purpose rope series with Suspended Animation. We started with Bondage for Sex, which i described in Rope, Shoes, and Sloppy Blow Jobs, and had Bondage for Power: Tying for Dominance and Pain Play two weeks ago. We really like this group, they are so down to earth and appreciate their approach to teaching this Topic, which can be so intimidating. It has been fun for me to watch Maximus’ skills and comfort with ropes and knots grow—He’s really, really enjoying it! This class taught us:

  • The Bar Tie
  • Ladder Rung
  • Wrists to Crotch
  • The Hobbler
  • The Guatemalan
  • The Toe Crusher

Maximus ADORED the Bar Tie! i have to admit it looks pretty cool and is very practical. It basically creates a handle, which is very convenient for the Top and really objectifying for the bottom (which i adore!!). He picked up this tie so quickly and then added in things He’d learned from the previous class (chest harness and breast bondage, which are His favorites). i was very concerned about the Hobbler, Guatemalan, and Toe Crusher ties as they deal with tying the feet and toes. i am horribly ticklish in a bad, bad way, thanks to my dad tickle torturing us as children, in fact, tickling is a hard limit for me, and Maximus wasn’t going to attempt them on me except i suggested that He proceed cautiously. i really didn’t want Him to not participate in something they were teaching us and Maximus has been the only person who has ever been able to touch my feet, so i said i’d try. He was so careful that He tied these ties very loose, which caused them to completely lose their intended effect. In fact, with the Toe Crusher, in which rope goes in between each toe and then the Top squeezes the toes together laterally to cause pain, did not elicit any pain whatsoever, causing the instructor to come over to squeeze—and then think i was some kind of masochistic badass with an incredibly high pain tolerance since i had little response! i started to worry that maybe i had some kind peripheral neuropathy, and then Maximus tied it tighter and i learned why it was called the Toe Crusher and that i didn’t have nerve disease in my feet—ouch!! But, i didn’t hate having Maximus bind my feet and i enjoyed the pain, so another hard limit softened. i just don’t know if i can be comfortable with others tying or touching my feet like He does.

The next class we will with this group will be the first class in the series, So You Want to Tie People Up, since we started with the second class. That will be this upcoming weekend. It will cover basic techniques, which will be good for Maximus as He had to learn their way of doing the single column knot on the fly at the first class we attended.

We also took a class from Lee Harrington, Making an Impact, which was a primer on impact play. We have listened to Lee Harrington on the Erotic Awakening podcasts and were anxious to meet him. The class was great and so was Lee! He started with anatomy, using Miss Amy Red as his bottom for the class (more great stuff on her later), techniques and body positions for impact play, and then went over different implements of impact play. Lee had brought a large array of impact tools, from gloves to paddles to canes and more! It was great to feel the different tools. i’ve always been curious about canes, but Maximus has been pretty unsure about them, but after learning about them and checking them out, He seems interested in them now. This class helped Maximus wrap His head around the difference between spanking for discipline and spanking for pleasure. As i think i’ve written about before, He really isn’t comfortable with domestic discipline, so spanking has been a conundrum for Him (however using a crop or a flogger has not). The class proved fruitful—which i’ll write about in another post.

And we picked up two of Lee’s books on Shibari, which look awesome! We can’t wait to try the techniques and ties from the books.

And finally, i went to two classes on my own! Miss Amy Red, who was the bottom for Lee’s impact class, presented two classes on service—Service: Devotion in Deed and Artful Service. i enjoyed these very much. While they were described in a way that looked like they were geared just for submissives, they would really be helpful for Dominants as well and i wished Maximus had come along with me.

In Service: Devotion in Deed, Miss Amy Red discussed service relationships and how service doesn’t necessary flow only from the s-type to the D-type. i completely agree with this and haven’t heard others say it before. i feel that while I serve Maximus in our D/s relationship, He serves me as well, primarily by providing the environment that enables me to enjoy my submissive self, being the breadwinner, supporting me in all aspects of my life, and in our interactions. It was refreshing to her Miss Amy Red discuss this. She also addressed ensuring that the relationship is a fair exchange, not causing a depletion in one person, which i totally relate to, feeling that drain in previous relationships and in my career that stopped feeding my soul.

Artful Service dealt with how to increase connection through service, specifically through attention, intention, and gratitude. She and her bottom demonstrated these and how they enhanced the connected between the Top and bottom during acts of service, making it more valuable and beautiful. And it didn’t apply only to the bottom, it applies to the Top as well, changing how the service was received to increase the connection with the bottom. Maximus was very intrigued when i discussed this with Him and we are working to implement these techniques. One thing i did not agree with Miss Amy about was her feeling that anticipatory service was creepy, like Santa Claus spying on children to see if they were being naughty or nice. It’s ok, we’re all entitled to provide service in a manner that makes us feel fulfilled and it’s not something she finds good for herself personally. Maximus and i, on the other hand, appreciate anticipatory service, to the point that it is included in my contract. my goal is to surprise and delight Maximus, which He loves. i generally do not have to spy on Him to figure out how to anticipate His needs, i just have gotten to know Him so well that it comes naturally. For example, we recently spent a staycation in downtown Seattle on a cold and blustery weekend. As we were leaving our house to go downtown, i packed a warm scarf for Maximus—i knew that if i asked Him whether He wanted one He’d say no, but i also knew He would be wanting one once we were out walking around Christmas shopping. Sure enough, when we started out and i pulled out a scarf for Him, He was overjoyed and told me over and over, “Have I told you how much I love my scarf?!?”

But she had HOMEWORK for the class!! i’m so excited about the homework! i will be working on these over the next several weeks and post them. And her handout had a ton of links that i will explore and journal about.

One of the most exciting things is that i learned that Miss Amy Red is one of the hosts of the Libertine Social Club, a high-protocol D/s dinner club held quarterly at the CSPC. Maximus and i have been interested in finding an event like this for training and to experience, especially after we heard about the Eagle Scout and Mmm’s experience with one where they are on the east coast. We’ve been interested and heard a little about the Libertine Social Club at a munch, but since we don’t have any experience in high protocol, were uneasy about looking into attending. However, after talking with Miss Amy Red about it, it is definitely something we can do and sounds like we’d really enjoy. They aren’t running the event until the CSPC has its new space all set up, which is fine, given our crazy busy schedule right now.

The classes have been so wonderful! We have thoroughly enjoyed them and are getting to know people. In fact, we have started to get to know another D/s couple that we’ve met at the D/s discussion group and have attended some of these classes with. They live near us and we’re hoping to carpool to some of these events and have gone to happy hour after one and had a marvelous time! We love hearing about their journey and learning more about them, their kink, and things to explore. It’s nice to have local kinky friends.

Categories: BDSM, BDSM classes, Center for Sex Positive Culture, D/s, Erotic Awakening, FetLife, High Protocol, Lee Harrington, Libertine Social Club, Miss Amy Red, rope bondage, Suspended Animation | Tags: | 2 Comments

Dancing and D/s

 

heal

“After all, Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did. She just did it backwards and in high heels.” — Ann Richards

Maximus and i had our first introductory dance lesson last week and it was Wonderful!! It really was a great date night idea and Maximus was in heaven. i wore my new John Fluevog Heal shoes, which the instructor fell in love with, and they were perfect for dancing in (the instructor even remarked on that after checking them out).

Besides the instructor, i was the only woman and there were three men, including Maximus. It was nice to have a small class, but it would’ve been nice to have an equal pairing. We learned the steps separately, at first, and then paired up, switching partners between songs. While i didn’t want to switch partners, it gave me a chance to experience different styles and what worked, and kept me from trying to manage my lead, as while i might be tempted to do that with Maximus, i wouldn’t do that with a stranger! We learned the Waltz first and then American Tango. We spent considerably more time on the Waltz, learning how to turn the woman and then how to rotate the step together. i thought it was a lovely dance. We rushed through the tango as we were running out of time, and it required a lot more work by the woman, and i’d like to spend more time learning it.

i discovered that ballroom dancing is just like D/s:

  • There are defined roles

There is a leader and a follower. It is clearly defined and the leader is in charge of deciding where we are going and how we will be proceeding. Should the follower try to take the lead, toes are going get stepped on! Staying in your roles makes for a smooth and beautiful dance.

  • The leader must be strong and confident

my mom has always said, “Fake it ’til you make it,” meaning, be strong, even if you’re scared to death. The follower is depending on the leader to initiate the movement, even when they are learning. The leader’s arms must be strong so they guide the follower in the direction they wish to go.

  • Communication is paramount

In dance, you communicate with your connection, your body, your eyes, and this is vital. The leader must be able to convey their expectation for the next step, the direction they are going, how they are doing it. Without this communication, things fall apart.

  • The follower must trust their leader

The follower is not in charge and they have to trust that. If you don’t trust your leader, again, toes will be stepped on! Breathe, relax, and allow your partner to lead you. Don’t top from the bottom.

  • The leader is showing off their follower

In dance, as in D/s, the leader shows off the strengths of their partner, spinning them, doing things that show off their body, taking advantage of clothing to display their best.

  • It takes practice

You’re not going to get it right the first time, or the second time, and after you do get it, you’re going to have hiccups! It’s not a “one and done,” it’s a skill that takes attention. There’s always more to learn, things to add, things to refine.

  • It takes patience

You’re both learning–be patient. As the follower, you can’t rush the leader. Don’t get frustrated, be a helpful follower. Toes might get stepped on, steps out of sync, moves forgotten–it’s ok. Pick up, carry on, and continue to learn together.

  • It is supposed to be fun for both partners

It really should be! If it’s not, figure out why and fix it. Perhaps you’re not following your role, not communicating, not being patient. And sadly, perhaps it’s not the right partner for you.

  • Connection is the key

Hold on tight–we’re in this together!

We’re both looking forward to the next lesson Friday night. This time we’ll learn Salsa and Bachata. Maybe we’ll stay for the open Argentine Tango lesson afterward to figure tango out better. Maximus wants to do private lessons with our instructor after we finish this series, and i think that is great!

i think this is good for us. Not only because it’s something fun and social, but that it builds upon our D/s, teaches us skills we can apply in our relationship, makes us better partners. i’m excited for our future, to see how we grow from applying these skills, both in dance and in D/s.

Categories: 24/7, BDSM relationship, D/s, dancing, date night, Fluevog shoes, relationship, trust | Tags: | 1 Comment

Feminism in Lifestyle and D/s

girls women females

Feminism is the ability to choose what you want to do – Nancy Reagan

i started writing this several months ago, and just hadn’t finished it. It’s something that comes up now and again in D/s…how does feminism fit in the lifestyle and aren’t you setting women back a century by submitting to a man? i even worried about this when Maximus and i were first starting.

For me, feminism is about having the choice to do whatever the hell it is you want to do rather than being held within the constraints of social expectation. The key word there is choice. As a feminist, i decide what it is i want to do, based upon my needs, wants, and desires. This is how i was raised–do whatever it is you want to do, the sky’s the limit. And this is how i have lived my life.

i never picked traditional visions for myself as a young girl. my dreams were to become a doctor, an astronaut, or work in public safety–none of these were “normal” choices when i was a girl. And i persevered, breaking into a non-traditional profession with a group of the first women in my place of occupation of all men. i was very successful and became the first woman to hold leadership where i worked, and climbed through the ranks to be a “leader of men” so to speak. i was great at it, it fit me, and i loved it.

And then i needed a change. It was my choice. i decided that this role was no longer feeding my soul, but service, a big part of what i did in that occupation, certainly did. Maximus offered me the opportunity to pursue that with Him, and after careful consideration, i retired and came to be with Him in our 24/7 CEO/COO D/s relationship.

i know for many my choice makes no sense to them. How could i go from a “position of strength” to a “position of weakness”–essentially throwing away my feminist power? The truth is, i didn’t. i’m not weak, i’m not helpless, i didn’t throw away my power–i discovered how to use my strengths and power in a way that serves both Maximus and me. And i chose it, because i have the power to make choices in my life.

Maximus is my Dominant and i am His submissive, but it is my responsibility to make sure this household runs smoothly and efficiently. i run the tactical side of our house while He runs the strategic side–that is my service to Him. He does not micromanage me, He certainly hasn’t got time for that, and i operate within defined parameters with my autonomy intact, able to make decisions. Maximus desired me for my strength and leadership, someone He could delegate to, and would never want me to be a shrinking violet, requiring huge amounts of direction.

Being His submissive allows me to use my skills, all my non-traditional skills i have acquired and developed throughout my life. And it allows me to embrace my femininity, something i pushed away during my career. To me, it feels more balanced, and i am happier. Does it negate my earlier life? No, i think it honors it, that i can continue to use those skills to help others and myself.

i suppose this is rambling, but the key to it is that this was my choice, not an expectation i bowed down to. This is why i characterize my submission as a gift (which is another area of contention with many others in D/s). First, i am gifted as a submissive, it is my gift or talent, and i use it to serve. Second, it was my choice to give my submission to Maximus, a gift i gave freely and fully, not to be taken back. i believe this is the greatest attribute to feminism, the choice to decide what is best for ourselves, and to do it unapologetically, loud and proud.

Categories: 24/7, balance, BDSM relationship, D/s, Dom/sub, feminism, submissive, submissive housewife, Total Power Exchange, TPE | Tags: | 1 Comment

Updated Contract, Rules, Rituals, and Protocols

love-note-1

i love it when Maximus leaves little love notes for me hidden throughout the house on mornings He leaves for work travel!

Maximus and i have finalized our Contract and Appendix 1-Rules, Rituals, and Protocols that we have been working on this past week. Since i described the changes in details in previous posts (January 2017 Contract Updates, January 2017 Rules Updates, and January 2017 Rituals and Protocols Update), i won’t go into that again, and am simply posting the accepted Contract and Appendix 2. However, there were a couple of changes since my initial journal posts.

Under Fundamental Terms, we removed the requirement for written permission to share details of our relationship dynamic. We do need to discuss and verbally agree prior to sharing this information with others.

There are a few changes in our Rules section:

Sleep: A provision was added to allow for separate sleep in times of illness.

Food: Green juice preparation went from a daily ritual to “as requested”.

Sex: A requirement that i shall be responsible for cleaning and putting away of toys and my leather collar after sex-play was added.

Communication: Maximus added a cue for me to say if He gets distracted, “ADD”, or anxious during communication, in order to snap Him out of it. It doesn’t happen often, but it’s something we’ve noticed during discussing His episodes of chest pain and other stressful topics and He wishes to avoid this.

Financial: Funds request rule was moved to Protocols.

Social Organization: i am to bring my calendar to Happy Half for any schedule updates He’s had during His workday.

Some Rituals changes:

Morning Ritual: i do not have to wait for Maximus to bring me tea in order to get out of bed (this was a miscommunication while we were discussing changes) and if i do get up before Maximus, i am to make His coffee and my tea.

Green juice preparation was moved from Ritual to Rules with the changes noted above.

Dominant’s Traveling Rituals: Maximus added a photo requirement for me while He is traveling, texting a sexy photo each day, using Invisible Ink setting on my iPhone.

At the end, Maximus desired to adjust the language about discipline for any compliance failures i may have of these Rules, Rituals, and Protocol. He felt the language was unnecessarily severe.

i have updated the BDSM Contract and Rules page and am posting a copy of the accepted Contract and Appendix 1 – Rules, Rituals, and Protocols here.

CONTRACT

Made this 1st day of January 2017 (“The Commencement Date”)

BETWEEN

“The Dominant”

“the submissive”

PREAMBLE

1 This contract has been developed under the guidance of an established Relationship Vision defined by the Dominant and the submissive: Growing Old Together (GOT) – a lifelong, harmonious, loving, committed relationship together.

2 This private contract is provided as a binding agreement, which defines in specific terms, the relationship and interaction between the participants. This contract defines the personal relationship structure of the parties and is binding only by the integrity of the parties. This contract in no way supersedes the Laws of the United States. This agreement is entered into voluntarily, both parties being fully informed, consensually, without coercion, or undue influence, with both parties agreeing to the conditions and stipulations set out herein.

THE PARTIES AGREE AS FOLLOWS

3 The following are the terms of a binding contract between the Dominant and the submissive.

FUNDAMENTAL TERMS

4 The fundamental purpose of this contract is to allow both the Dominant and the submissive to explore their sensuality and sexuality, and the submissive’s serviceheart, with due respect and regard for her needs, her limits, and her well-being.

5 The Dominant and the submissive agree and acknowledge that all that occurs under the terms of this contract will be consensual, confidential, and subject to the agreed limits and safety procedures set out in this contract. Additional limits and safety procedures may be agreed in writing. Both parties shall safeguard this unique relationship. Neither can inform others of our D/s dynamic without prior agreement from the other. As this contract is confidential, both parties must agree in the occasion that it is shared with any person(s), in any format, including directing other parties to the submissive’s blog, which is her online journal.

6 The Dominant and the submissive recognize that this relationship is unique to them and is a primary relationship to any other relationship the Dominant or the submissive have with others. They agree that emotional monogamy is required in this relationship. There will be no additional partners brought temporarily or permanently into the relationship.  The submissive will be the Dominant’s only sub; The Dominant shall be the submissive’s only Dom. Furthermore, the submissive shall not take on the position of a Domme or Dominatrix with another party, nor shall the Dominant be taken in as a submissive to another.

7 The Dominant and the submissive each warrant that they suffer from no sexual, serious, infectious, or life-threatening illnesses, including but not limited to HIV, herpes, and hepatitis. If during the Term (as defined below) or any extended term of this contract either party should be diagnosed with or become aware of any such illness, he or she undertakes to inform the other immediately and in any event prior to any form of physical contact between the parties.

8 Adherence to the above warranties, agreements, and undertakings (and any additional limits and safety procedures agreed under clause 7 above) are fundamental to this contract. Any breach shall render it void with immediate effect and each party agrees to be fully responsible to the other for the consequence of any breach.

9 Everything in this contract must be read and interpreted in the light of the fundamental purpose and the fundamental terms set out in clauses 4-8 above.

ROLES

10 Dominant  and submissive  adopt a 24/7 D/s relationship in the style of Chief Executive Officer/Chief Operating Officer (CEO/COO).

11 The Dominant shall take responsibility for the well-being and the proper training, guidance, and discipline of the submissive. He shall decide the nature of such training, guidance, and discipline and the time and place of its administration, subject to agreed terms, limitations, and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above.

12 Subject to that proviso and to clauses 4-8 above, the submissive is to serve and obey the Dominant in all things. Subject to the agreed terms, limitations, and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 8 above, she shall without query or hesitation offer the Dominant such pleasure as he may require and she shall accept without query or hesitation his training, guidance, and discipline in whatever form it may take.

COMMENCEMENT AND TERM

13 The Dominant and submissive enter into this contract on the Commencement Date fully aware of its nature and undertake to abide by its conditions without exception.

14 This contract shall apply in a 24/7 basis and be effective indefinitely.

SERVICE PROVISIONS

15 The following service provisions have been discussed and agreed and will be adhered to by both parties during the Term. Both parties accept that certain matters may arise that are not covered by the terms of this contract or the service provisions, or that certain matters may be renegotiated. Furthermore, it is expected that the Dominant and submissive shall review this contract in its entirety at regular intervals to ensure they understand and agree to its content, rules, and agreed activities.  In such circumstances, further clauses may be proposed by way of amendment. Any further clauses or amendments must be discussed, agreed, documented, and signed by both parties in person and shall be subject to the fundamental terms set out under clauses 4-8 above. Tentatively agreed upon amendments that are awaiting physical agreement shall be followed fully.

DOMINANT

15.1 The Dominant shall make the submissive’s health and safety a priority at all times. The Dominant shall not at any time require, request, allow, or demand the submissive to participate at the hands of the Dominant in the activities detailed in Appendix 2 or in any act that either party deems to be unsafe. The Dominant will not undertake or permit to be undertaken any action which could cause serious injury or any risk to the submissive’s life. The remaining subclauses of this clause are to be read subject to this proviso and to the fundamental matters agreed in clauses 4-8 above.

15.2 The Dominant accepts the submissive as his, to own, control, dominate, and discipline during the Term. The Dominant may use the submissive’s body at any time or in any manner he deems fit, sexually or otherwise.

15.3 The Dominant shall provide the submissive with all necessary training and guidance in how to properly serve the Dominant.

15.4 The Dominant shall maintain a stable and safe environment in which the submissive may perform her duties in service of the Dominant.

15.5 The Dominant may discipline the submissive as necessary to ensure the submissive fully appreciates her role of subservience to the Dominant and to discourage unacceptable conduct. The Dominant may flog or spank the submissive as he sees fit, for purposes of discipline, for his own personal enjoyment, or for any other reason, which he is not obliged to provide.

15.6 In training and in the administration of discipline the Dominant shall ensure that no permanent marks are made upon the submissive’s body nor any injuries incurred that may require medical attention.

15.7 In training and in the administration of discipline the Dominant shall ensure that the discipline and the instruments used for the purposes of discipline are safe, shall not be used in such way as to cause serious harm, and shall not in any way exceed the limits defined and detailed in this contract.

15.8 The Dominant shall never punish the submissive in anger.

15.9 In case of illness or injury the Dominant shall care for the submissive, seeing to her health and safety, encouraging and, when necessary, ordering medical attention when it is judged necessary by the Dominant.

15.10 The Dominant shall maintain his own good health and seek medical attention when necessary in order to maintain a risk-free environment.

15.11 The Dominant shall not give his submissive to another Master or Dominant. The Dominant may direct the submissive to serve another Master or Dominant within the limits of Appendix 2, but the submissive shall not be given as property to that Master or Dominant.

15.12 The Dominant may restrain, handcuff, or bind the submissive at any time for any reason and for extended periods of time, giving due regard to the health and safety of the submissive.

15.13 The Dominant will ensure that all equipment used for the purposes of training and discipline shall be maintained in a clean, hygienic, and safe state at all times.

SUBMISSIVE

15.14 The submissive accepts the Dominant as her Master, with the understanding that she is now the property of the Dominant, to be dealt with as the Dominant pleases during the Term.

15.15 The submissive shall obey the rules, rituals, and protocols (“the Rules, Rituals, and Protocols”) set out in Appendix 1 to this agreement. The Dominant shall also follow the guidelines of the Rules, Rituals, and Protocols to this agreement as they apply to Him.

15.16 The submissive shall serve the Dominant in any way the Dominant sees fit and shall endeavor to please the Dominant at all times to the best of her ability. The submissive will utilize anticipatory service in her service to The Dominant.

15.17 The submissive shall take all measures necessary to maintain her good health and shall request or seek medical attention whenever it is needed, keeping the Dominant informed at all times of any health issues that may arise. This includes mental health as well as physical health.

15.18 The submissive shall accept without question any and all disciplinary actions deemed necessary by the Dominant and remember her status and role in regard to the Dominant at all times.

15.19 The Dominant may, at times, direct the submissive not to touch or pleasure herself sexually without permission from the Dominant.

15.20 The submissive shall submit to any sexual activity demanded by the Dominant and shall do so without hesitation or argument.

15.21 The submissive shall accept floggings, spankings, paddlings, or any other discipline the Dominant should decide to administer, without hesitation, inquiry, or complaint.

15.22 The submissive shall always conduct herself in a respectful manner to the Dominant. The Dominant will direct the submissive how she shall address Him, including Sir, Maximus, or such other title as the Dominant may direct, depending upon the environment and social situation. “Sir” or “Maximus” are not to be used when in the presence of family, vanilla friends, or any other situation which would bring embarrassment or undo negative attention.

15.23 The submissive shall keep a journal documenting the journey of the Dominant and submissive, her thoughts, and feelings. This journal will be online and accessible to the Dominant at all times. The Dominant shall be notified of new postings and any edits of older posts. Old posts shall not be removed by either party unless agreed upon in writing. The submissive shall document any activities and/or discussions as directed by the Dominant, in addition to her regular postings.

ACTIVITIES

16 The submissive shall not participate in activities or any sexual acts that either party deems to be unsafe or any activities detailed in Appendix 2.

17 The Dominant and the submissive have discussed the activities set out in Appendix 2 and recorded in writing on Appendix 2 their agreement in respect of them.

SAFEWORDS

18 The Dominant and the submissive recognize that the Dominant may make demands of the submissive that cannot be met without incurring physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or other harm at the time the demands are made to the submissive. In such circumstances related to this, the submissive may make use of a safeword (“The Safeword[s]”). Two Safewords will be invoked depending on the severity of the demands.

19 The Safeword “Yellow” will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the submissive is close to her limit of endurance.

20 The Safeword “Red” will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the submissive cannot tolerate any further demands. When this word is said, the Dominant’s action will cease completely with immediate effect.

CONCLUSION

21 We the undersigned have read and understood fully the provisions of this contract. We freely accept the terms of this contract and have acknowledged this by our signatures below.

submissive’s Signature

i have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. i agree to give myself completely to my Dominant, and further accept His claim of ownership over my physical body. i understand that i may be commanded, trained, and punished and i promise to be true and to fulfill the pleasure and desires of my Dominant to the best of my abilities. i understand that i cannot withdraw from this contract except as stated in this contract.

The submissive:

Date:

 

Dominant’s Signature

I have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. I agree to accept this submissive as my property, body, and possessions, and to care for her to the best of my ability. I shall provide for her security and wellbeing and command her, train her, and punish her as a submissive. I understand the responsibility implicit in this arrangement, and agree that no harm shall come to her as long as she is mine. I further understand that I can withdraw from this contract at any time.

The Dominant:

 Date:

APPENDIX 1 – RULES, RITUALS, AND PROTOCOLS

RULES

Obedience:

The submissive’s goal is to please and serve the Dominant under any circumstance and at all times, ensuring that His life runs as smoothly and effectively as possible. This implies that she focuses upon the Dominant – His safety, needs, and desires—through anticipatory service. The submissive should put Him first in any situation as long as that does not put her into any danger. The submissive should never show any sign of anger or frustration, crankiness, or any disruptive behaviors, emotions, or thoughts. The submissive should never show any disagreement with an order or wish from the Dominant. All orders should be promptly complied to and diligently executed. (10-30-12)

The submissive will obey any instructions given by the Dominant immediately without hesitation or reservation and in an expeditious manner. The submissive will agree to any sexual activity deemed fit and pleasurable by the Dominant excepting those activities that are outlined in the hard limits (Appendix 2). She will do so eagerly and without hesitation. (8-19-13)

Kitchen Safety Zone:

The Dominant recognizes the inherent danger related to the cooking environment and will refrain from any activity jeopardizing the safety of either party while the submissive is cooking in the kitchen or other locations. The kitchen is not to be used as an escape refuge by the submissive, however. (10-25-15)

Sleep:

The submissive will ensure that both she and the Dominant achieve adequate sleep and rest. (10-30-12)

The submissive shall sleep in a position in the bed where the Dominant can touch her at all times. (1-1-17)

The submissive and the Dominant shall sleep in the same bed when together, unless there is a temporary health issue precluding such, which will be discussed and agreed upon prior to separate sleeping arrangements. If there are others in the same bed, the submissive shall sleep next to the Dominant and the Dominant shall sleep only next to the submissive. Should the submissive be in a situation of separate play, she shall sleep alone, not with any other parties, unless negotiated prior to engagement. (11-23-15, amended 1-1-17)

The submissive shall don and wear the Dominant’s wrist cuffs to sleep at night whenever He is traveling and away at night. (1-1-17)

Food:

When dining out, the submissive will scan the menu and offer choices that the Dominant would like to choose from. The submissive and Dominant will place their own orders, unless the Dominant communicates otherwise. (11-23-15)

The submissive shall prepare and serve fresh “green” juice for the Dominant when He is at home, at His request.. (4-24-16, amended 1-1-17)

Clothing:

The submissive will wear clothing approved by the Dominant. The Dominant shall accompany the submissive to purchase clothing on an ad hoc basis. If the Dominant so requires, the submissive shall wear adornments the Dominant shall require, in the presence of the Dominant and at any other time the Dominant deems fit. (6-24-13)

The submissive shall not wear a brassiere after 5:30 PM unless social situation dictates otherwise, i.e. family or vanilla friends present, out for evening, etc. (11-23-15)

When traveling by air or train, the submissive shall dress for first class travel, whether or not her fare is indeed booked or upgraded in that class. First class dress shall include high heels, dress pants and blouse, or dress. (11-23-15)

When at home, the submissive is expected to be naked as much as practical. she may be clothed if projects or duties require her to go in and out of the house or if needed for safety/warmth. Lingerie or apron may be worn. Stiletto heels are the shoe of choice. The submissive will procure and keep a wrap-around dress by the front door to quickly don in the case of unexpected visitors. (11-15-16)

The submissive shall sleep naked at all times, except when family or vanilla friends are visiting or we are visiting them. (11-23-15)

The Dominant has collared the submissive. This collar is to be presented by the submissive for placement (as described in the Protocols section) by the Dominant during training, BDSM play, kink events (where appropriate), and when directed by the Dominant. He has also provided a more discreet marking of ownership in the form of a David Yurman link chain ring and necklace, either or both which shall be worn at all times inside and outside the house, except when bathing, sleeping, or housekeeping/projects and exercise make it unsafe to so do. The submissive is the only person in the world permitted to wear the Dominant’s collar or other markings of ownership, none of which shall ever be shared or loaned by the submissive. (1-1-17)

Exercise:

The submissive shall exercise in a manner necessary to maintain and build her level of fitness necessary to participate and be competitive in the athletic events of their choosing. Exercise shall continue to have a priority in her life and the activities under Appendix 2 shall not interfere with training necessary to maintain a competitive edge. (10-30-12)

Personal Hygiene/Beauty:

The submissive will keep herself clean and shaved and/or waxed at all times. The submissive will visit a beauty salon of the Dominant’s choosing at times to be decided by the Dominant and undergo whatever treatments the Dominant sees fit. The costs of those treatments will be met by the Dominant. (10-30-12)

The submissive shall be responsible for the grooming of the Dominant’s ears and nose to keep them free of errant hair. (1-1-17)

Personal Qualities:

The Dominant and the submissive recognize that their behavior is a direct reflection on the other partner. The Dominant and the submissive shall be held accountable for any misdeeds, wrongdoings, and misbehavior committed when not in the presence of each other. (6-24-13)

The submissive will conduct herself with dignity and grace in public. (1-1-17)

Sex:

As a general rule, the submissive’s orgasms are not controlled, unless otherwise communicated, however, should the submissive have orgasms outside of the Dominant’s presence, she shall communicate this to the Dominant. (11-23-15)

The submissive is responsible for maintaining an adequate supply of lubricants, all types and for all purposes. Failing to maintain supply may mean intercourse without the aid of lubricant and cannot be cause for denial of sexual use by the Dominant or others. (1-1-17)

The submissive shall be responsible for pickup, cleaning, and putting away of sex toys and leather collar after play. (1-1-17)

Swinging:

The Dominant and the submissive desire to continue swinging activities together rather than separately; however, separate play may be negotiated prior to engagement. Sexual relations with others shall be conducted in a manner that shall not expose risk to the health and safety of either partner in this Agreement. The Dominant and the submissive shall maintain joint accounts on such Internet services such as Adult Friend Finder, Kasidie,  Swing Lifestyles, etc. and individual accounts on FetLife (linked to each other) for swing and kink play. Neither party shall cancel, close, delete, or suspend any joint online account for any reason unless mutually agreed upon. (10-30-12)

Communication:

In general, the submissive is always expected to speak and express herself in a respectful manner, whether she is talking to the Dominant or anyone else. (11-23-15)

The Dominant and the submissive shall function with a philosophy of “over-communication.” Outside relationships will be discussed fully and proactively. All inquiries from either party shall be answered fully and honestly. All calendars, written or electronic, shall be maintained and accessible to either party. (11-19-12)

Either party may request access to an individual email account at any time for reason that must be explained to the account owner. The account owner will sit with the other party, login, and be present for the evaluation to witness the viewing and answer any questions that may arise.  These inquiries are not expected to occur frequently, if at all. The same rules apply to all other communication devices as well. (1-1-15)

Both parties agree to work through disagreements using the Imago Dialogue process rather than dissolve this agreement. Dialogues shall begin and end with the spoken words, “I/i love Y/you.” The Dominant and the submissive agree not to yell at any time. Safewords may be used to communicate frustration level to the other party. Either party may request a break from discussions in order to avoid pushing frustration levels to a point of yelling; this break will not be indefinite, but have specific time parameters indicating when discussions shall proceed again. It is also understood that at times, circumstances of life and work may not allow for immediate discussion. In these cases, the parties will set a specific time to have focused discussion with each other, free of distractions and allowing for private communication. (1-1-13)

Both the Dominant and the submissive recognize that humor can cut both ways, in that things spoken or written that might be funny to one person may be perceived as hurtful to the other. This contract, rules, and appendices and content, are not to be the subject of jokes. (1-1-13)

Serious discussions surrounding this contract, rules, or contents, and/or the relationship between the Dominant and submissive shall not take place while either party is driving a vehicle. Both parties recognize that this is not a safe activity. (1-1-13)

The Dominant requests that the submissive use the phrase, “Focus, Sir” should He become distracted or anxious during communication. (1-1-17)

The submissive must express her feelings, wants, state of health, likes, and dislikes at all times. She is free to express those needs consistent with her position, expressing not demanding. (1-1-17)

Any errors or breaches of this contract by the Dominant do not abrogate the submissive’s obligations provided for herein. The submissive may request a discussion, but should not expect an apology from the Dominant for any perceived, or real error, or omissions. Acceptance of this contract is sufficient for the submissive to understand the Dominant’s intent is to provide a safe, healthy structure and life for the submissive and that errors are reflective of the human condition, not motivated by malfeasance, or desire to harm the submissive. The submissive accepts any errors on an ad hoc basis. (1-1-17)

Tough Love Clause:

The submissive has the right to invoke this clause if she strongly believes she must intervene in the Dominant’s best interest. This gives the submissive freedom to speak her mind without being disrespectful. The submissive must announce that she is invoking this clause, state her case calmly and respectfully, allow questions and/or discussion, and accept the Dominant’s ultimate decision on the matter. The Dominant trusts that this clause will only be utilized when absolutely necessary for His well-being, not as a tool for the submissive to control the relationship. (11-23-15)

Travel:

The submissive shall not cause travel delays to the Dominant or any other traveler due to her dress. For example, should her shoes contain metal shanks and have to come off for TSA scanning, even in TSA pre-check, she should be prepared to do so without delaying others. She should be prepared to don her shoes again without delaying the Dominant. (11-23-15)

The submissive shall be polite and courteous while traveling, not blocking or delaying other travelers, therefore, the rule regarding door entry may be suspended when navigating through airports or other travel depots. (11-23-15)

The submissive will not pack the Dominant’s bags for travel unless expressly requested—the Dominant prefers to pack His own luggage. (1-1-17)

Financial

The financial agreements documented in the legal cohabitation agreement between the Dominant and the submissive will apply. (11-23-15)

The submissive shall be responsible for the payment of all utilities and other bills the Dominant so requests. (1-1-17)

The submissive shall track annual state sales tax using the spreadsheet He created, taxable donations, and rental property finances for our joint tax requirements. The submissive shall also accompany the Dominant to all meetings with the tax accountant. (1-1-17)

Annual Goals:

The Dominant and the submissive will annually prepare a list of goals. The submissive will be responsible for monitoring progress, reporting quarterly to the Dominant. (11-23-15)

Training:

The Dominant will schedule submissive training as needed. (4-24-16)

Housekeeping:

Household tasks will be distributed between the Dominant and the submissive at the Dominant’s discretion. Any housework done by the Dominant at His own volition shall not be perceived as a failure by the submissive or subject to punishment, unless the Dominant is completing a task the submissive had been directed to do and failed to complete. (1-1-17)

The Dominant willingly participates in the following housekeeping tasks, although they do not preclude the submissive from doing these tasks: laundry (all aspects, including dropping off and picking up dry cleaning), vacuuming/sweeping, mowing the lawn, blowing out the garage. (1-1-17)

The Dominant desires to own the following tasks, unless He deems them punishment tasks for the submissive: cleaning His own car, cleaning toilets, final cleanup of dishes and kitchen after the submissive prepares dinner. (1-1-17)

Social Organization:

The submissive is responsible for maintaining our social calendar and making suggests for social outings. she will bring her calendar to Happy Half in order to make any schedule updates that have occurred during the Dominant’s workday. (1-1-17)

The submissive is responsible for making social contacts and responding to messages in any and all of our online social networks, as well as email and text. (1-1-17)

The submissive shall maintain an Entertainment Journal that records guests (vanilla and kink) we have hosted, what was served, what we wore, entertainment provided, which room they slept in, etc. In addition, the submissive will track preferences of any and all of our guests in terms of allergies, special needs, favorite beverages, etc., in order to best host them. (1-1-17)

RITUALS

Morning Ritual:

When the Dominant is home, He will bring tea to the submissive at her bedside if still in bed. Once up, she shall promptly make the bed (or strip it if it is time for weekly laundering) and find the Dominant to greet Him for the day. If the submissive arises before the Dominant, she shall make coffee for the Dominant and bring to His bedside and make tea for herself. (1-1-17)

The Dominant and the submissive will begin each day exchanging “Good morning” and “I/i love You/you.” If either the Dominant or the submissive is traveling and physically away from the other, the communication may occur via telephone or text message. (11-23-15)

Focus Ritual:

Whenever the submissive has left the home for any period of time, upon her return, immediately after greeting the Dominant (when He is home), she shall inform Him she is going to have a time for focus, retire to the Master’s bedroom, and spend at least five minutes re-focusing back into her D/s relationship with the Dominant, thus releasing all angst and frustration in order to best serve Him. (1-1-17)

Happy Half Ritual:

The Dominant wishes to conclude His business day at 5:30 PM. In order to achieve this, the submissive shall notify the Dominant at 5:00 PM and serve drinks at 5:30 PM for the transition from work to home. The typical transition period will be approximately 30 minutes, termed “Happy Half,” for discussion and drinks to allow the Dominant to unwind from His day prior to dinner. (4-24-16)

Bedtime Ritual:

Before retiring to bed, the submissive shall prepare the coffee pot for the Dominant’s morning coffee, and set out her desired tea and fill the kettle in preparation for her morning tea. (1-1-17)

The submissive will prepare the Dominant’s bed whenever He is retiring to sleep. All decorative pillows will be removed from the bed and stored, His quilt will be spread over His side if He is desiring it, the covers and top sheet folded back for entry, His bed pillow set flat, and pillow for propping under His legs tucked between the sheets at the level of His knees. His bedside lamp will be turned on. (1-1-17)

The Dominant and the submissive will conclude each day with “Good night” and “I/i love You/you.” If either the Dominant or the submissive is traveling and physically away from the other, the communication may occur via telephone or text message. (11-23-15)

Greeting Rituals:

The submissive shall always greet the Dominant with a kiss and a smile, whether in private or public, if they have been apart. (1-1-17)

Whenever the Dominant is coming home from business travel, whether by air or car, the following greetings will occur, based upon His time of arrival.

Before 9 PM: the submissive shall don an outfit of His choosing (may be one of several preset selections), prepare the drink that He requests by telephone or text on His way home, and wait in the living room. The Dominant will enter the house, go into His office to drop off His things, check correspondence, and come to the submissive in the living room. At His command, the submissive will follow Him upstairs to the Master’s bedroom to sit and visit with Him while He unpacks and prepares His bags for a future trip.

Between 9-11 PM: the submissive shall don an outfit of His choosing (may be one of several preset selections) or a robe (should she have retired to bed already) when He notifies her by telephone or text that He is on His way home, and wait in the living room. The Dominant will enter the house, go into His office to drop off His things, and come to the submissive in the living room. At His command, the submissive will follow Him upstairs to the Master’s bedroom where He may or may not unpack.

After 11 PM: the submissive may remain in bed, should she have retired already. If she has not retired to bed, the 9-11 PM ritual shall apply. If she has retired to bed, she shall prepare the Dominant’s bed and leave entry and closet lights on in preparation for His return home before retiring herself. (1-1-17)

Dominant’s Traveling Rituals:

While the Dominant is traveling, the submissive shall text at least one sexy photo of herself every day using the invisible ink function on her iPhone to the Dominant’s personal phone. (1-1-17)

PROTOCOLS

When entering into the awareness of the Dominant, such as into His office while He is working, the submissive is to lightly knock on the door and await response from the Dominant for entry. Should the Dominant not respond to the knock, the submissive may knock again for response. (4-24-16)

In public situations, the submissive shall walk beside the Dominant unless the Dominant signals or communicates otherwise. The submissive shall wait for the Dominant to open doors for her, other than restroom and car doors, which may or may not be opened by the Dominant for her. (4-24-16)

The submissive shall wait for the Dominant to open the car door for her, if she is a passenger, except for when entering or leaving the car in the garage at home, due to obstruction. (1-1-17)

When walking on sidewalks or adjacent to vehicle traffic, the submissive shall walk on the inside, with the Dominant walking adjacent to traffic. (4-24-16)

When presenting the Dominant with an item, they are to be gently presented with two hands, palms up, when possible, presenting and holding until it is accepted or directed to be set down. (1-1-17)

When the submissive is to be collared with her leather collar for training, scenes, or at any other direction of the Dominant, she shall kneel upright, and present her collar in both palms in front of her. After the Dominant receives the collar from her, the submissive shall place her hands on the back of her head, holding her hair up off of her neck for placement of the collar by the Dominant. After the collar is place, she shall remain kneeling and place her palms on both thighs, awaiting next instruction. (1-1-17)

Should the submissive require funds, she will present the Dominant with an itemized request by kneeling before Him and presenting it in her outstretched hands. The submissive will perform whatever request the Dominant has at that time in order to receive the requested funds. (11-23-15, amended 1-1-17)

Failure to comply with any of the above rules, rituals, or protocols may result in discipline.­­­­­­

Categories: BDSM contract, BDSM relationship, communication, D/s, Dom/sub, M/s, protocols, rituals, rules, Total Power Exchange, TPE | Tags: | 4 Comments

Date Night

dancing

i’m super excited! Going through our goals we rediscovered our commitment to weekly date nights, so tonight is date night #1 for 2017. The other thing we had forgotten about was our desire to have dancing lessons, salsa in particular. So when Maximus asked me to come up with something for our date night, i knew just what i wanted to research–dance lessons!

i’ve had salsa lessons, something i did with a swinging lifestyle girlfriend after i divorced OneGuy, and i’ve done Zumba for years, which is salsa-based, but Maximus has never had them. We love dancing together, and Maximus has some great partner-dancing moves, but we want to do more.

 

 

Recurring weeknight commitments are hard with Maximus’ erratic travel schedule, but i found a dance lesson series on Friday nights for January, starting tonight. It’s not salsa, but an introductory series on Tango, waltz, salsa, bachata, foxtrot, swing, cha cha, and rumba. What’s cool is that after each class is an hour-long open class that varies week-to-week, with nightclub two-step, Argentine tango, American waltz, and bachata, and dance parties after that every week. So we’re hopeful that we’re going to come away from this with some moves! And how better to reinforce D/s with partner dancing, with a leader and a follower?

On another note, Maximus and i went over the contract and rule changes last night. There are still a few tweaks here and there. We will be finalizing the contract Monday at my weekly training session, and then i can update the Contract and Rules page.

Categories: BDSM relationship, D/s, dancing, date night | Tags: | Leave a comment

January 2017 Rituals and Protocols Update

ritual

Continuing the update of our contract, we have added rituals and protocols to Appendix 1.

Rituals

While the category is new, we have had rituals embedded in our rules. This update serves both to break our existing rituals out of the rules section and into their rightful place and introduce some new rituals.

So how are rituals different from rules? As LT Morrison describes in Devil In The Details III – The Art of Mastery- A Mentoring Trilogy: Volume III “Sustainable Structure & Training, rituals are those behaviors a submissive does either on their own volition or upon command based upon specific expectations taught by their master, primarily to reinforce the submissive mindset. i think this is why we had these interspersed with our rules, as they do look like rules and are taught like rules.

Morning Ritual

This is not new, but has never been codified. Maximus has been bringing me tea in the mornings as long as we have been living together. It confused me at first, as it seemed subservient to me, but it is of His own volition and serves a greater purpose as being a way to release me from bed. It also allows Him to have His morning routine without interruption.

When the Dominant is home, the submissive shall remain in bed and await tea brought to her by the Dominant before rising from the bedchamber. Once up, she shall promptly make the bed (or strip it if it is time for weekly laundering) and find the Dominant to greet Him for the day.

These are existing rituals moved from the rules section.

The Dominant and the submissive will begin each day exchanging “Good morning” and “I/i love You/you.” If either the Dominant or the submissive is traveling and physically away from the other, the communication may occur via telephone or text message.

The submissive shall prepare and serve fresh “green” juice for the Dominant every morning when He is at home. This may not be necessary on mornings He is traveling in the early morning hours and will be communicated.

Focus Ritual

This is a new ritual and something we both think will be extremely helpful for me. i am an introvert, in that i derive power from my inner-self, home, quiet, and introspection. i am not shy and am very social, but this drains my batteries. Going out to run errands drains my batteries too and i am very careful when i go as to control the rate of drain! i don’t shop on the weekends and time my errands so i don’t get caught in dreaded Seattle-area traffic–something i abhor! Drained batteries looks like crankiness and bitchiness in me–i get short-tempered, frustrated, and overwhelmed. It’s not fun for either Maximus or me to have me come home irritated and take it out on Him. So to combat this, Maximus has instated a focus ritual.

Whenever the submissive has left the home for any period of time, upon her return, immediately after greeting the Dominant (when He is home), she shall inform Him she is going to have a time for focus, retire to the Master’s bedroom, and spend at least five minutes re-focusing back into her D/s relationship with the Dominant, thus releasing all angst and frustration in order to best serve Him.

Happy Half Ritual

Happy Half is being moved from Rules to Ritual, as it really is a ritual.

The submissive shall notify the Dominant at 5:00 PM and serve drinks at 5:30 PM for the transition from work to home. The typical transition period will be approximately 30 minutes, termed “Happy Half,” for discussion and drinks to allow the Dominant to unwind from His day prior to dinner.

Bedtime Ritual

There are several rituals pertaining to bedtime, most of which have been in effect for some time. However, the first one is new.

Before retiring to bed, the submissive shall prepare the coffee pot for the Dominant’s morning coffee, and set out her desired tea and fill the kettle in preparation for her morning tea.

The submissive will prepare the Dominant’s bed whenever He is retiring to sleep. All decorative pillows will be removed from the bed and stored, His quilt will be spread over His side if He is desiring it, the covers and top sheet folded back for entry, His bed pillow set flat, and pillow for propping under His legs tucked between the sheets at the level of His knees. His bedside lamp will be turned on.

The Dominant and the submissive will conclude each day with “Good night” and “I/i love You/you.” If either the Dominant or the submissive is traveling and physically away from the other, the communication may occur via telephone or text message.

Greeting Rituals

These are new.

The submissive shall always greet the Dominant with a kiss and a smile, whether in private or public, if they have been apart.

This next ritual pertains to Maximus’ return from travel. i have always sat with Him while He’s unpacked His travel bags, but He would prefer something more formal.

Whenever the Dominant is coming home from business travel, whether by air or car, the following greetings will occur, based upon His time of arrival. 

Before 9PM: the submissive shall don an outfit of His choosing (may be one of several preset selections), prepare the drink that He requests by telephone or text on His way home, and wait in the living room. The Dominant will enter the house, go into His office to drop off His things, check correspondence, and come to the submissive in the living room. At His command, the submissive will follow Him upstairs to the Master’s bedroom to sit and visit with Him while He unpacks and prepares His bags for a future trip.

Between 9-11 PM: the submissive shall don an outfit of His choosing (may be one of several preset selections) or a robe (should she have retired to bed already) when He notifies her by telephone or text that He is on His way home, and wait in the living room. The Dominant will enter the house, go into His office to drop off His things, and come to the submissive in the living room. At His command, the submissive will follow Him upstairs to the Master’s bedroom where He may or may not unpack.

After 11 PM: the submissive may remain in bed, should she have retired already. If she has not retired to bed, the 9-11 PM ritual shall apply. If she has retired to bed, she shall prepare the Dominant’s bed and leave entry and closet lights on in preparation for His return home before retiring herself.

Protocol

Protocols guide interaction, per Morrison. We are low-protocol, for the most part, in our daily lives together. Maximus does have a desire to delve into High Protocol for some scenes and for some group gatherings, such as teas or dinners, but these would be temporary and will require a lot of training for both of us. We are hoping to find others interested and/or experienced in this for mentoring.

The interaction section of our rules are actually protocols, so they are being moved.

When entering into the awareness of the Dominant, such as into His office while He is working, the submissive is to lightly knock on the door and await response from the Dominant for entry. Should the Dominant not respond to the knock, the submissive may knock again for response.

In public situations, the submissive shall walk beside the Dominant unless the Dominant signals or communicates otherwise. The submissive shall wait for the Dominant to open doors for her, other than restroom doors.

The submissive shall wait for the Dominant to open the car door for her, if she is a passenger, except for when entering or leaving the car in the garage at home, due to obstruction.

When walking on sidewalks or adjacent to vehicle traffic, the submissive shall walk on the inside, with the Dominant walking adjacent to traffic.

Presenting items is a new protocol:

When presenting the Dominant with an item, they are to be gently presented with two hands, palms up, when possible, presenting and holding until it is accepted or directed to be set down.

i have only one position protocol, which is when Maximus is preparing a scene or we are commencing training and i am to be collared with my leather collar. This is not new, but had not been codified before.

When the submissive is to be collared with her leather collar for training, scenes, or at any other direction of the Dominant, she shall kneel upright, and present her collar in both palms in front of her. After the Dominant receives the collar from her, the submissive shall place her hands on the back of her head, holding her hair up off of her neck for placement of the collar by the Dominant. After the collar is place, she shall remain kneeling and place her palms on both thighs, awaiting next instruction.

These are the extent of our rituals and protocols for now. At this time they will remain in Appendix 1 unless Maximus determines we should re-index the supplementary material of our contract. i will be working on making all of these changes to our official document and will update the BDSM Contract and Rules page when i have completed it and it is approved by Maximus.

Categories: BDSM, BDSM contract, D/s, Dom/sub, M/s, protocols, rituals | Tags: | Leave a comment

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