stay classy

One of the many things i love about Maximus is His class. i am always so impressed by His level of dignity, how He carries Himself, the manner in which He interacts with people, etc. This is what drew me to Him years ago. This week, i’ve had some interactions with others that have so illustrated how important it is for a Dom to have class and dignity. These things have been rolling through my mind and reiterate just how proud i am to be with Maximus, to be His.

i went out with Awesome A last week. We’d not been out for quite some time. She’s had a series of boyfriends and so her time has been limited by her dating life. She was very excited to get together so she could share about her new boyfriend, RedBeard. Awesome A has just started seeing this man and moved quickly into a committed relationship with him, plastering Facebook with countless pictures of them together, making out in photo booth pictures at fundraising events, etc. It’s been very fast and almost embarrassing to watch. But, she does deserve all the happiness in the world, and this makes her happy–and it is most definitely in response to her ex, Boyscout, who does the same thing online.

We met at a great bar for happy hour before going to a play. The weather was absolutely terrific and i enjoyed dressing for the occasion, in Best oftitanium glass Show fashion, as Maximus prefers. i wore my new short black skirt, a low-cut animal print tank, a pair of amazing animal print strappy stiletto sandals, and topped it off with the gorgeous silver and blue titanium glass pendant Maximus gave me. When i arrived, Awesome A was blown away with my great outfit, amazing shoes, and especially, my necklace. She raved about the necklace and i told her that Maximus had purchased it for me when He noticed how drawn to it i was when we saw it at a gallery. She asked if Maximus had given me the shoes as well, as last time we went out i was wearing a pair of stilettos He had given me (i had purchased this night’s sandals myself).

During happy hour i asked Awesome A to tell me about her new beau. She shared that He was very wealthy, a Chief Operating Officer of the company he was with, and that as it was a publicly traded company, she found out on Google how much money he made annually. She added that with that wealth he was spoiling her like Maximus spoils me, and i was taken aback by this comment as i have never told her, or anyone else for that matter, anything about Maximus’ income bracket. i had shared that Maximus had purchased the shoes and the necklace when she’d complimented them, and she knew He’d taken me on some trips to Las Vegas and Kona, but i’ve never bragged about any of this.

Awesome A texted constantly with RedBeard throughout happy hour–to the point of annoyance! She spontaneously shared many of the messages he’d sent. At one point she started laughing and told me that she had told RedBeard that i had a rich boyfriend that spoiled me just she he was spoiling her and he had replied, “i’m standing in front of Tiffany’s right now. What do i need to buy to outdo her boyfriend?” Well i was just disgusted by that statement! It wasn’t that i was upset thinking that my friend would get more things than me, things don’t matter, it was that this guy appeared to be intimidated by her friend having a boyfriend who he thought was outdoing him and was turning this into a competition! As i sat there, i realized how low-class that was, that Maximus would never do or say anything like that in a million years, that He had more class in His little finger than this man had in his entire body.

To change the subject, i asked whether RedBeard was vanilla or kinky, and she said he had only had one-on-one sex, but that it was pornstar quality. i asked if she was going to share her non-vanilla sexual history with him, including our encounter, and she said she’d shared some spicy details with him but not too much detail.

On the way home from our evening i talked to Maximus and shared what had happened. He, too, found RedBeard’s comments disappointing.

i finally met RedBeard in person this weekend at a race. Awesome A showed up with Him and introduced us. He came forward to give me a hug, which was fine, i’m a hugger, so that didn’t bother me. But when He hugged me, He rubbed His chest back and forth against my breasts, very obviously and gave me a full-on kiss on the mouth! He did this in front of a whole bunch of friends of both Awesome A’s and mine, which was awkward. Later, i shared what happened with Maximus and he thought that was a douche-move. i told Maximus that perhaps Awesome A had told him about our encounters and it was his way of showing interest about that. Maximus, however, shared that He has intimate knowledge of what Awesome A and i have done as He was on speakerphone during much of it; and despite all that, when He met her for the first time, He gave her a simple hug and kiss on the cheek, because it would have been completely inappropriate, as a gentleman, to do anything other than that.

Class–it’s such an important trait of a Dom. i appreciate that from Maximus.

Categories: BDSM relationship, Class, Dominant | 1 Comment

Into a Dark Room

Something very exciting is in the plans…a dungeon room in my home! Well, more accurately, we will be outfitting a large walk-in closet with dungeon room supplies to turn my workout room into a dungeon room. i started the project today by removing everything from the closet, which wasn’t much, a vacuum cleaner, carpet cleaner, antique baby bassinet, gift wrapping supplies, and installed a new door knob that locks with a key. It’s all ready and waiting for Maximus to arrive so He can let me know what His vision will be for the room so i can proceed.

i have to say, the prospect of this has gotten me so turned on! i could hardly sleep last night with all these visions of tools and toys stored and hung in that closet, and imagining Maximus setting up the room for scenes. i could picture eye bolts in the ceiling and having Him bind and suspend me in the room, having His way with my body. And i had these rape/gangbang scenes play over and over in my mind, fantasizing being bound and used by Him and others He invited to share me with. i slept in this morning after a night of masterbation and tremendous orgasms!

i did some internet searching for dungeon room plans and found some interesting sites. Foxy Furniture has some awesome plans for BDSM furniture that you can hide in plain sight! I’m very interested in looking into making some of their stuff, the pedestal criss-cross, in particular. Also The Better Built Bondage Book site caught my eye. And i enjoyed reading the BDSM Circle‘s blog about building their dungeon room.

i can’t wait!!! Maximus already has theme music for the first time we use our dungeon….Enjoy!

Categories: BDSM, BDSM dungeon, BDSM relationship, D/s, discipine, Dom/sub, Dominant | Leave a comment

Living Vicariously through Him

i’m so excited! It’s like i have a date, but i don’t…Maximus does and living vicariously through Him has got me so turned on!

Maximus is meeting with E & e tonight, the BDSM couple we met together for a meet and greet a month ago when i was up at His home. Our meeting went great and we’ve been wanting to get together, but our schedules didn’t mesh. Tonight, however, worked for the three of them and i encouraged them to get together. And i’m soooo excited!

Maximus had some concerns last week about it. He mentioned during our Skype call after the Dom text that i wrote about in Humor, the Double-edged Sword, that He was thinking about excusing Himself after having dinner with them, making an excuse that The Englishman was staying at His home and needed to attend to His guest. This was a radical change for Him, as we’ve been talking about His date with E & e for weeks, and both of us have been excited about it. It was late, it’d been a hard evening, so i didn’t pressure Him to talk about it. i did send Him a little email later, though, to check with Him and reassure Him.

So some thoughts on what You said about getting together with E & e….because, well, You know, thoughts are what i do…
my thought is that You are concerned about getting together with them after me getting upset about the Dom text yesterday. Being with E & e is not the same thing. E is her Dom. You are being invited in to help him with a scene. You will be participating (of course!!) but you are not becoming her dom nor are you becoming E’s sub. You would be most certainly doing things that are BDSM, but you are not becoming her dom. Clear distinction.
This is the eggshells concern…You not doing something You would normally do based on a recent conflict that is not related to or the same as this event at all. Misapplication of learning…
i would love for You to go. i think You, and W/we, could learn some things from them, and particularly when You are there solo. i find it exciting to learn from You what You learned from them. And they’ve made arrangements and plans to be with You.
i will never force You to do anything You weren’t comfortable with. i don’t want the reason for backing out to be because You are concerned it will upset me, when i’m clearly stating it will not. i have fantasized about it all day. Now if You get there and it’s scary and You want to leave, by all means, run! i promise you, if I had 1/10,000,000th of an inkling of concern about You going i would tell you—and i think You know by now that i WOULD (and whatever warped analysis i’d twisted it into)!
i appreciate that You want me with You. Everything is more special when W/we share it together. But i cannot be there. i want You to be able to continue to play solo, as i have, and it does not diminish what W/we have together. If You decide to go and have a great time, W/we will most certainly spend time together with them when my schedule allows.
i love you

Maximus wrote back the next morning and thanked me for the email. We spoke later and He shared that it wasn’t necessarily the exchange about the Dom text that was concerning Him, it was an issue with JB and the upcoming divorce proceedings that had rattled Him that had decreased His desire to play separately with E & e. However, after my email and some time to reflect, He wanted to keep His date with them–AND i’m SO HAPPY FOR IT!

Hopefully i’m not putting too much into this date between the three of them, but it is exciting that He will have some time with another BDSM couple in D/s that have been involved in this for quite some time. i am excited to learn from them, excited for Maximus to learn some things, see how another D/s couple interacts, and be able to do that without me there so He can show me things as His, incorporate them into our play, and not feel like i’ve watched Him be trained. It’s almost hard for me to explain. But i think that’s the crux of it, i want Maximus to have an opportunity to get some Dom training without me seeing Him get training. i think He’s wonderful and perfect, don’t get me wrong–we’re both new and don’t know what we don’t know sometimes.

And i can’t wait for the phone call tonight where He tells me all about it…We’ve done that before, shared post-date details with each other by phone immediately afterward and it is HOT HOT HOT! That was before D/s, so it will be interesting what spin and parameters He puts on me while He tells me about it–as i usually masterbate and have great orgasms while He tells me the stories.

i’ll share details tomorrow.

Categories: BDSM, communication, D/s, Dom/sub, Dominant, submissive, training | Leave a comment


Maximus created something in His heart for us months and months ago to describe to me His intensions, His feelings, His committment, and that is GOT. i think i’ve mentioned GOT in several posts but had never described it, feeling it was too personal to share outside the two of us, but i need to describe it now for this post.

GOT is “Growing Old Together.” It is a shared vision of ours, from Maximus’ heart to mine, that is the answer to any question i may ever have–when i remember to answer my questions with it. And you may remember that i struggled with GOT initially, especially in Fight #1 of the Battling it Out post. i’ve not had anyone ever promise to stay until the end actually stay to the end, so this takes a lot for me. i trust Maximus with all my heart, and i do believe Him, i just have flashes of things from previous relationships that cause me worry–and they’re things about me and my personality that make me question His ability to stay with me, not the other way around. i’m not easy and i know that.

My last post, Humor, the Double-edged Sword, ended with that. i’ve been sick, Maximus has been traveling, i’m feeling off-sorts all over. He sent me an email to tell me what a nice job i’d done on my blog post and that He knew it was difficult to write. All i could focus on was that He didn’t mention all the questions at the end as i had sent myself reeling with them. He texted later and i told Him i was having a hard time after writing the blog, that it brought more questions than answers. He replied, “Easy answer for me. GOT.”

But i feel i’m going to destroy this wonderful thing we have. “I’m just having a hard time worried that you’ve picked me and i’m bad news.”

“Funny. You are not able to do that. Funny. If you fully understand GOT and you do, then its not possible. So so easy to answer. GOT. Explain that. That is my answer.” He replied

There were some other exchanges of mine, trying to justify my concerns, which ended with His text, “So no more thinking you are going to mess this up. I’m going to write above your ass GOT.”

“GOT” was my answer. To which He responded, “Perfect and only answer.”

He Skyped later and we talked more. Well, He talked to me about how adorable He finds it that an highly educated, intelligent, beautiful woman could over-analyze herself into Analysis Paralysis. He does understand my history and understands how things can flash us back to past hurtful memories, but they are just that, past hurtful memories and not now. And He’s right, at no time in my past have i had a relationship like this, fully trusting with such complete and honest communication that has no recoil. None of our conversations, none of our fears have ever been used as ammunition as they have in previous relationships–this is not previous or past, this is now, this is GOT.

Again, a posting from Tarq from Whips, Chains, & Duct Tape

A True Master will fight for his submissive. He will not give up on her. He will seek her face to fill his day with happiness. When she falls in the darkest times of her life, He will go anywhere needed to bring her back–He wouldn’t care how much it will take, but He will get his girl back no matter what. If she is lost …He will guide her through the darkness. If she is in danger He will be her bodyguard. If she is sad…He will be her smiles that adorn her lips. If she is happy…He will be sharing the joy with her. When she loses her faith…He will be her bible that she can hold into.  If she lost her trust on the world…He will be her world. His eyes will show how determined He is, His spirit is not going to be defeated. Giving up on her is not even an option, she is going to be cherished, protected, disciplined, guided, and loved. No matter the obstacles along the way, no matter the people that will try to destroy what they have, no matter how life is pushing back…everything will be shattered on the strength of His willpower and His strong heart that will look to the whole world in the eye and say “I will stand by My girl and will be there for her no matter what.”

Maximus is a True Master. my GOT. my answer.

Categories: BDSM, BDSM relationship, D/s, Dom/sub, Dominant, relationship, relationship needs, submissive | 1 Comment

Humor, the Double-edged Sword

It’s been a very emotional week, full of highs and lows, and yes, some conflict. While i know i’ve said that healthy conflict is good, that it causes people to learn and grow, i’m feeling weary of it today. It’s probably due to being sick with tonsillitis, i’m exhausted.

Maximus came down this weekend, which was wonderful. We had a marvelous time! i haven’t blogged about that yet because i’ve been too tired to write, and now we’ve had some conflict and i need to write about that too. So i’m going to write about the conflict first and get it out of my system.

Last night Maximus had a dinner date with Lele–totally cool. He and Lele have been friends for years, played together with their respective spouses. Lele has been a great friend to Maximus during His divorce and He to her with some relationship issues she’s been having. They’ve not slept together for some time. She has, however, used His house to be with lovers when He was away. He and Lele have been talking about throwing a play party at Maximus’ house.

During dinner, i got a text from Maximus that as He predicted, Lele had decided to leave her husband. He added, “she is also getting into BDSM, too funny. I told her about you. She’s in the bathroom so will talk more later.” It was really so nice to hear from Maximus that He’d told Lele about me, as our relationship has been under wraps until recently due to divorce issues. i looked forward to hearing from Him later.

He texted again asking about the availability of two weekends in January for the play party. We settled on a date and exchanged my contact info with Lele so we could chat. When they were done, He texted that He had some errands to run but “lots to share” and would call me as soon as He was done running around.

An hour later, i got a picture text of something black on white marble that i couldn’t recognize that said simply, “trophy.”

 i replied, “Don’t understand.”

Maximus wrote back, “No sex but I got her underwear. Dom move. hehe.”

i felt my blood instantly drain. Dom move?!? She tells Him at dinner she’s into BDSM and He’s now Domming her?!? This violates one of the first rules in our contract–i am His only sub!

“YOU ARE NOT HER DOM,” i texted back furiously. i had inquired where that picture was taken and He’d replied, Crate and Barrel.

“Yes, my bad. Wrong very wrong term. Will explain in the car in a few mins. My poor attempt at humor.” Maximus replied.

“YOU BET IT WAS. It’s not funny and never will be. Do you get it,” i answered.

Maximus returned, “Yes, very poor humor. So so wrong of me.”

“But you did it anyway. And dommed her in Crate and Barrel. Dick move.”

“No, she left already. I took the pic there to be funny.” said Maximus.

Maximus told me He was going to call me from the car, which i told Him i would refuse to answer. It wasn’t that i didn’t want to talk about it, i refused to have this conversation with Him while He was driving. First, it’s not safe. Second, the connection is never good while moving, words get jumbled, calls get dropped, and it’s poor communication at best and extremely frustrating to me. Third, i want His full attention and don’t want Him multi-tasking and not using His entire brain for this discussion. So we had about 15 minutes of back and forth about this topic alone. He finally pulled over and parked in a parking lot to call.

i explained to Maximus that i felt so extremely hurt that He said that He’d Dommed Lele as it was an essential rule in our contract. The fact that it was made into a joke was even more hurtful, because i have the utmost honor for our contract and it means the world to me; using it as fodder for a joke made me feel like He didn’t respect our contract, our agreements, or our relationship. Furthermore, i was frustrated that while He has several pairs of trophy panties, none of them are mine and He’s never asked or taken any–i wondered why and felt hurt by the omission.

We had a lot of discussion. And it took a lot of work to make sure we stayed on topic, discussing THIS issue and not making His evening with Lele the issue. i had no problem with His dinner with Lele, i had issue with the text He sent and what that meant. He had not Dommed her, she had found a pair of panties in her coat pocket while they were at dinner and He asked to take them, as a joke. He was frustrated because He felt that by sending that text He had ruined the whole evening and wouldn’t be able to talk about anything they’d talked about at all. i assured Him that this was about the text. In fact if He made it into the whole evening and refused to talk about the rest of it later, i would be very upset and we’d have a whole new issue.

We resolved it and came up with some things to amend in our contract. It took quite a while to communicate. There was no yelling, again, so we’re applying lessons learned. And we’ve instituted a new rule of saying, “I/i love Y/you” at the start and end of each point of discussion. We took a break and He called back later so He could tell me about His evening, because i didn’t want it lumped into this discussion.

The thing is, these are exhausting. And i feel responsible for them. Maximus has told me over and over and over that 95% of the conflicts we will have will be because of something He’s done, not anything i’ve done. And i am just horrified by that statement–am i just that oversensitive to let anything go? Why would Maximus want to be with someone like that? i hate that it’s been me having issues with something He’s done, like i’m ruining a great thing. Why would He tie Himself to someone like that? He deserves better than a suspicious, oversensitive sub.

Categories: BDSM, communication, conflict, D/s, Dom/sub, Dominant, relationship, relationship needs, submissive | Leave a comment

The Pride of a Submissive

i’m borrowing this from Tarq from Whips, Chains & Duct Tape, because i found it beautiful and true. And a perfect conclusion to the past couple of posts about conflict and resolution.

The pride of a submissive is an amazing thing, when she looks at you, you don’t see a defeated woman, you see a victorious one that manged to conquer her fears and be true to her nature and destiny. When she faces judgments all around her, she holds her head high keeping her pride, knowing she made the right choice, something they fear to do themselves. When she opens her eyes you see the courage of a woman who is able to connect with her soul enough to be able to dedicate her life to someone else fully, undoubtedly, and without regrets. When you look at her, you don’t see weakness, shattered life, or broken heart…in fact you see passion, love, and spirit that refuses to surrender her goal of pleasing her Master. When you try to separate her from her Master by deceit, lies, and manipulation, you find yourself facing a wonderful fighter that resists and defends her happiness, her love, her submission, and her strong relationship with her Master because she knows where she is and she trusts herself and her Master. When she walks on streets or by your side, people look and both admire and envy you not because of how beautiful she is but because every move and gesture of her body shows how she is proud to be owned by you and how her pride manifests on her looks, moves, steps, and words. Be proud of who you are and take much pride in what you represent because unlike what some people tell you, you took a step that a lot of people would wet their pants by even the thought of taking it.
Categories: BDSM, D/s, Dom/sub, Dominant, submissive | Leave a comment

Battling it Out

En Garde!

Note from gabriella: i’m writing this post because when writing Keeping the Bedroom Door Open i realized that i hadn’t blogged about a fight Maximus and i had, and i should add, i HATE calling it a fight. And when i thought about it, we really had two of them, one before we started this BDSM journey together and one right after we started. For the sake of having a complete journal of our relationship, i am including both of these here. We are in no means having problems, on the contrary, we are doing GREAT, and through these conflicts, we are learning how best to communicate with each other, as we both discovered when we worked through the issue in Keeping the Bedroom Door Open.

Maximus and i have had two fights. Well, i should say, i initiated two fights with Maximus. While i hate that we’ve had these fights and i really hate that i initiated them, we did learn a lot from them. There definitely could have been better ways to have dealt with the issues involved than for me to get angry, no, incensed. i work now to control the initial reaction of getting mad so we can have constructive discussions.

Fight #1
This wasn’t so much a fight as it was me walking out on Maximus, and i did walk out on Him.  This was actually a very critical event for us. i don’t think i’ve ever communicated to Maximus just how close we came from being finished forever. Timing was critical, Maximus’ timing, that is. Had He not arrived the moment He had, i would have been gone forever, and i don’t think He’s aware of this.

This occurred exactly a month before our talks about BDSM started. It’s strange to realize that, as when i was thinking about the timeline, it felt much further back in our history than that.

Sunflower had invited me to a fundraising concert she was organizing for the charitable organization she founded and runs, and asked if i would also join her and Mountain Man afterward at their after party at a very upscale hotel. The after party would transition into a swingers party when vanilla guests left, for the “real” after party, and they wanted me to join them and stay the night. i asked if i could bring a date (i’d only just met Sunflower and Mountain Man, and while i really liked them, i didn’t want to be a third wheel), and they thought that was great. i carefully brought up the topic with Maximus, as i knew one friend was going to be at the party, Z Baby, and figured Ms. W might be invited as well, and i didn’t want it to be a conflict for anyone for me to show up with Maximus as my date. Maximus had only just professed His love for me a mere few weeks prior and i was concerned about the reactions of Z Baby and Ms. W to this. He said He would love to be my date and we both wondered if Ms. W was going to be there. It turns out she was, and after some discussion, we decided that it would be great if all three of us would go together and get a room of our own in the same hotel. i’d met Ms. W. once before, really didn’t get to know her well, so i was looking forward to spending some time with Maximus’ dear friend and developing a friendship with her as well.

Ms. W was at Maximus’ home when i arrived; Maximus was swimming, so we had time alone together. This was intentional (at least between Maximus and me, i don’t think this was discussed between Maximus and Ms. W, in retrospect) for a couple reasons, first, Maximus really wanted to find the two of us playing together in His bed when He arrived home, and second, it would give us some one-on-one time to get to know each other. However, Ms. W was out of bed, in a bathrobe when i arrived, and it was very clear to me that she was not interested in playing. We visited while waiting for Maximus, but i never got the sense that she was very comfortable with me. She wasn’t adversarial in her conversation, but she was not agreeable, took opposite viewpoints, pointed out fundamental differences/flaws in my part of the conversations, held a negative tone, all of which made me uncomfortable. i worked very hard to find topics of conversation for us, looking for common ground, something we could discuss in a positive manner, hoping to make a connection with her, but just couldn’t achieve it. i was relieved when Maximus arrived…He was crestfallen that we were sitting at the dining table talking, not fucking in His bed.

We headed into town and spent the day walking around the city. i was my playful self and worked hard to include Ms. W in this, refusing to write-off a friendship with her. i clasped my arm in hers while we walked, pointed out items in stores and storefronts, told jokes and giggled, held her hand, but i just could not break through the proverbial ice.

We returned to the room, which was magnificent. Maximus had to run out and get wine and left us to get ready for the concert. This room was amazing, a clear pane glass wall separated the bedroom from a pedestal tub in the bathroom, which filled from a spout in the ceiling! All i wanted to do from the moment i saw that room was to take a bath. i told Maximus i was going to bathe and we whispered and giggled about me including Ms. W in it. i told Him i wasn’t sure if she was going to go for that, from the vibes i was getting from her, and i questioned whether she really was bi-sexual, as He had told me. But Maximus encouraged me to try, saying that she was very submissive and that i just needed to initiate it. i filled the tub and invited her to take a bath with me, which she agreed to with some hesitation. i got in and she followed, sitting at the other end with her arms crossed tightly over her breasts. Ugh. i did finally get her to turn and washed her back, but that was the extent of it. Maximus joined the two of us briefly when He returned, but by then the water was getting chilly and we stepped out.

Ms. W just didn’t appear happy at the concert; she plugged her ears, didn’t get up and dance around or clap as Sunflower, me, Mountain Man, or Maximus did. She clung to Maximus at intermission while i flitted about meeting people, which is what i do. i just felt bad about it. i realized then that we were just so different and that while we could be together in a purely social situation, we just weren’t going to be friends, no matter what i tried. i had gotten the same vibes when we’d first met several months before. i decided that i would talk to Maximus about it the next day after Ms. W left.

We then arrived at the party. We were late, having stopped for dinner beforehand, and the party was in full swing when we got there. Ms. W never let go of Maximus and i simply joined into the action, as i love swinger parties and was getting a lot of great attention (see Objectify me about this). Ms. W gave Mountain Man a two hour blow job while he was tied down to a massage table (i bound his hands with a handcuff knot and tied them down to the table early on in the evening) but she did not play otherwise. Maximus found me at several times during the evening to check in and told me He loved me. i had a great time! Eventually, however, i was tired and as Ms. W was still working on Mountain Man, i told Maximus i was great, spent, tired, and was headed down to our room; i assured Him i was fine, which i was.

When i was in the room, i started to reflect on Ms. W. i was a bit befuddled because Maximus assured me that she liked me from the first time we’d met, even though i told Him didn’t feel great vibes coming from her then. Out of curiosity, to see what she really did think, i picked up Maximus’ cell phone to check their texts to see if it would give me insight. Maximus had given me carte blanche access to His cell phone, email, calendar, day timer, etc. and i’d never taken Him up on that before. i didn’t see anything to cue me in on her thoughts on me, in fact i wasn’t discussed at all, but what i did find was a  plan for them to get together on a date that Maximus told me He had to be home for an appointment–it was my birthday. He’d been down for several days prior i had thought He was staying through my actual birthday and i’d made plans, only to surprisingly find out that He was leaving the day before. i’d asked Him if it was for another date, and He assured me it was not.

i exploded inside. HOW DARE HE! i stormed over to His day timer and saw that He did indeed have her down on my birthday. He’d promised to never lie to me, assured me just a few weeks before on our trip to Vegas where He told me He loved me, and here it was, a lie, and on my birthday. No wonder she didn’t like me–he obviously loved her.

That was it, i had to go. i changed my clothes, packed my bag. i realized that i had the room key, that if i left, they’d have no way to get back in the room. So i wrapped the key in paper, wrote His name on it, went back up to the party room and slid the key under the door so He’d have it to get in. i returned to the room. i decided to check the texts and the day timer again to make sure i hadn’t read things wrong. i actually had looked at the previous year in the day timer, which had her down on my birthday, but it wasn’t written on this current year, which made me even more mad, that He’d intentionally omitted putting her on the calendar so i couldn’t see it. The texts, though, were clear. i started to the door and just as i reached the door handle, Maximus opened the door.

“Hey, you’re up!” He chimed. “i was just telling Ms. W how it was just like you to think about others, realizing that we’d not have a key, so you left one for us. You’re just so sweet!” And then He noticed my bag. i’d turned to get my jacket off the coat hook. “What’s going on?”

“i’m going home,” i said.

“What? Why? What’s going on?” He asked rapid fire.

“You lied to me.” i told Him. i turned to face Ms. W and asked, “Where did you sleep the night of [my birthday]?”

“I was at Maximus’.” she replied.

“You lied to me.” i repeated to Maximus. “You said You had to go home for an appointment. i asked You if it was for a date and You said no. i read your texts.”

“i had nowhere else to stay.” Ms. W started.

i stopped her. “This isn’t about you, Ms. W, this is about Him.”

“No, stay.” He pleaded. “How are you getting home? Your car is at My house.”

i told Him i was taking a cab to His house, getting my car and driving home. “You promised to never lie to me,” and i walked out the door.

i expected Him to chase after me. But He didn’t. i sat on the bench at the elevator lobby for a long time, sobbing. i sobbed because i was angry, because He’d lied, because He didn’t chase after me. Because it meant the death of some very special plans. i don’t know why, but after about 15 minutes, i went back to the room and quietly knocked.

Maximus opened the door, pale, face pained, “I’m so glad you’re back.”

“i don’t want to talk about it right now,” i stated as i entered.

“Tell her what i told you,” Maximus said to Ms. W as i walked back in. “Tell her what i said.”

Ms. W looked at me painfully and said quietly, “He said He felt like He’d just gotten His balls cut off.”

i couldn’t even look at either of them. i took off my clothes and got into bed. Maximus was in the middle, laying on His stomach, arms pinned underneath Him, a position i’ve never seen Him take in bed. It was as if He was terrified to touch either one of us, as if it would show preference to one or the other. i couldn’t stand it. i got up, my mind reeling, put on a robe and sat in the dark on the floor of the entry, typing notes into my phone for what to talk about. Maximus came to me, knelt on the floor and begged me to return to bed, but i refused, i couldn’t. i told Him to go back to bed, and He refused, stating He was going to lay on the floor with me until i came to bed. i needed to be alone, to write down my thoughts and i needed Him to give me the space to do that–i told Him this as He curled His body around mine on a heap on the floor.

“We need to talk about this and we need to talk about this without Ms. W here. We can’t talk now without her listening and it’s not about her,” i said. “Go back to bed, let me have my space. i have to get my thoughts written out, You know this, You have to let me do this. i’ll come back to bed when i’m done.”

The morning was awful, i felt terrible, brokenhearted. i took a 30 minute scalding shower–Maximus came in for a bit and tried to play but realized i wanted none of that. i got ready and waited for them in the lobby. Everything was pained. Maximus snapped at me at one point during the walk to breakfast, something about “oh what didn’t i communicate now?!?” and i quietly said, “stop…” i knew it was just a reaction, not like Him at all, but i didn’t want to have a fight in the middle of the city on a sidewalk with Ms. W. We returned to Maximus’ home and Ms. W left leaving us alone.

We sat outside on His patio and talked about what happened, my issues.

Here are my notes from my phone:

This is MY issue.

i enjoyed the event and party. This has nothing to do with that. i didn’t return to our room because of any problem at the party…i was done and satisfied and wanted to have my space. That’s how i recharge.

This stems around:

  1. My trust issue that i didn’t realize was a problem until now
  2. Being scared about falling in love
  3. Lack of chemistry with Ms. W

i’m terrifed.

i felt scared when You told me You loved me. i didn’t tell You because it felt nice to have someone tell me they adored and loved me. i am afraid to be in love with You because being in love always consumes me.

i’m also worried that there has not been enough time for You to heal from JB. JB and Covert Ops are a lot of Your conversations with Ms. W. It is a big shadow for you both. i worry that i might be part of Your healing process, like a rebound, rather than a sustained relationship and my heart cannot handle that.

i’m having difficulty trusting. And i hate it. i’m not sure what to do about it. my trust issue is not related to people, my trust issue is in believing that we are legitimate. i think that stems from my fear of being consumed and then devastated if i’m wrong. i was wrong before.

i came back to the room legitimately to sleep. Party had lost my interest and i was bored. i had no trust problems there.

i was thinking about how i just wasn’t comfortable as a non-sexual or sexual threesome with Ms. W. For me, this is like taking one for the team. She isn’t interested in me. She’s not someone i would choose to be with socially or personally. She’s negative, passive. You ask me to basically force myself upon her. She’s so not interested and i’m not interested in uninterested people. i don’t break-in women. i feel like there is an expectation to make her into a bi-sexual woman.

When we’re all three together i don’t feel the Maximus i’m used to. i miss Your spontaneous touch and affection. It feels You are so worried about equity that its equal absence. i’m not comfortable in this threesome.

i DON’T feel uncomfortable with You and Ms. W without me. i DON’T feel uncomfortable with You and ANY other woman alone. i DON’T feel uncomfortable with you and i with another woman or couple where i have a connection.

i was curious what she really thought of me. i didn’t trust what You’d told me, that she liked me but was uncomfortable with cramps. It’s odd to me that she’s always on her period and “it’s awful” each time. So i decided to look at Your phone. That’s when i saw the thing about Tuesday. i was devastated and incensed. my heart broke.

The text from Airplane Girl about Tuesday while we were together was still on my mind. In fact, i was still unsettled by it.

While we were in Vegas, the plan to meet Boat Guy and Aussie Girl was for Monday or Tuesday of my birthday week because You’d be here through the morning of my birthday. Your schedule change to leave the day before my birthday was a total surprise to me. And it hurt my feelings frankly as it was a night to celebrate my actual birthday on my treat someplace special. It wouldn’t have been a big deal otherwise.

i like the distinction of the “who we came with rule” and coming all three of us doesn’t work. We did that rule with The Englishman but not Ms. W.

GOT. Why? What brought this? i don’t understand why this applies to me when You have been with Ms. W so much longer. Why isn’t she Your GOT?

What does this look like? Why me? Is this unique to me, or not? i don’t understand how our relationship differs from the one with Ms. W.

i want something that’s unique to me, i guess. And not meaning the acronym.

i want you to consider the perspective of this in the context of how You felt when Covert Ops was telling JB he loved her.

What happens when your divorces are final? What then? Where will she be (sounds like not where she is now). What is your relationship? What is her GOT? What does “tap tap” mean. Is that her GOT?

You said at one of our first times together that You didn’t know what You’d do if Ms. W fell in love with someone else. What if you two decide to have a traditional relationship. What about me? my heart will not take that. It scares me.

Ms. W asked me yesterday how long i’ve known You. It appears she knows little about me. i know a lot about her and her marriage and situation. Why is our knowledge about each other so different? What does that mean?

i’m not going to write out His responses to all of these questions, other to say that He answered all of my questions fully and without getting offended, and to a degree in which i was satisfied. He shared with me how our relationship differed from the one with Ms. W. Explained that while He had to leave early for an appointment, Ms. W was not the appointment, it just worked out that He was going to be home that evening because of that, and that allowed an opportunity for her to come over. We learned we needed to be better about communicating, especially in regards to getting together with other people, and needed to share our schedules fully, including coming up with a shared electronic calendar.

A lot our rules come from this weekend and the discussion we had. It uncovered a lot of issues, helped us discover and share our limits. Dishonesty is a hard limit, for both of us, and Maximus saw firsthand just how hard of a limit that is for me. It’s intolerable.

Maximus asked me never to leave Him like that again and i promised i wouldn’t. i didn’t have the heart to tell Him that had He not arrived just then, i would have been gone forever. i think Maximus’ impression was that i had been waiting by the door for Him, waiting for Him to stop me. That wasn’t the case. This blog post will be the first time He learns this, and it’s not that i held that deliberately from Him, but i couldn’t get the words out in front of Him without collapsing.

i’m thankful for some divine intervention that delayed me in that room long enough for Him to arrive.

Fight #2
This was a knock-down, drag-out fight…not in the physical sense, but in the angry, yelling, stomping, sobbing sense. Yes, i had a tantrum.

And it also dealt with a miscommunication about Ms. W. It’s frustrating to me that both of these fights and the frustrations we’ve had have been issues surrounding her. They aren’t issues ABOUT her per say, they have been our (my) issues about Maximus’ behavior that pop up, and my perceptions about what is going on. i’m not saying i’m perfect here…not at all! i over-analyze things and have had a tendency to assume the worst.

Maximus was traveling extensively during November. We Skyped, texted, and emailed a lot. This was when the topic of BDSM came up, so we were extremely chatty about that and terrifically turned on! We’d been texting and talking while He was at the airport. He’d been looking at toys and clothing and telling me to check certain websites. He was so aroused. The last thing Maximus texted before He had to shut off His phone for the flight was, “Be advised…Warning, Maximus is very very in need of gabriella. Round the world for sure. you will be wet from head to toe. It will look like you just got out of the shower. Continue in Chicago.” During His flight, i got a fantastic idea, and i texted Him while inflight, “gabriella could come service Him tonight if it would please Him…” i actually started packing, realizing i could beat Him to His home and be waiting for Him–i was super excited!

Unfortunately…when He landed, i received, “Maximus would love that but two homeless people will be there. The Englishman and Ms. W. Damn.” i was immediately mad. “So Ms. W get all Your ardor. Kinda pisses me off. Goddammit i can’t even be spontaneous with you because of Ms. W.” He asked me to be patient and i replied, “No! i’m tired of being patient about it. Officially pissed off. She has the primary relationship with you [referring to the clause in our newly agreed-upon contract that stated WE were each others primary relationships]. If i did, it would be no problem for me to come up. That’s fucking bullshit, Maximus. This is why i asked if she knew about us because she lives like she’s your wife.”

Maximus was trying to get to His gate for His next flight and i was impatient to talk (yell) at Him. “i promise waiting on this is not going to make it any better.” He replied, “I’m walking thru the fucking airport baby. Give me a break.”

i waited a bit and asked if He would talk. He replied, “I always want to talk with You. In the red carpet club downloading work messages before I have to get on my next flight. This conversation is over until I get in the car at home and can talk.” This infuriated me further as His last words before His last flight were about continuing our sex talk in Chicago…now He had to download work emails instead?!? I simply responded, “Goodbye. If work messages are more important than You made Your decision. i will never be second fiddle.”

“Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. There are 300 people here and there is no private place to talk. Please stop,” He responded. “i don’t think You get it. Then MOVE! Unless you are willing to let us go over first class waiting,” i added.

“My head is going to explode,” Maximus replied. i simply responded, “my heart already did.”

It was relationship hostage-taking at its worst, for both of us. i fired the first shot, however.

Maximus ended up moving and calling, but i had gotten into the car to drive anywhere…to get out because i felt like i was suffocating in my home. i pulled over in a school parking lot and started to talk, but Maximus kept interrupting me, defensive, which angered me and i started to yell. We weren’t communicating at all. We couldn’t hear and we couldn’t talk. The call ended in silence, which eventually cut off automatically. i sent Him a last text, “i’m really at a loss. Don’t know what to think. That was not the conversation i needed or wanted to have.” “Agree. Closing door. Will be drinking heavily.”

My heart sank. i couldn’t leave things this way. i really wanted to see Him and apologize for yelling, for throwing a tantrum. And really, some conversations are just better face to face than over Skype, text, phone, or email. So i decided to meet Him at the airport and made the three hour drive and met Him when He exited the secure area. “I knew you’d be here,” He smiled and giggled, embracing me, “I thought, gabriella’s a woman of action, she’ll be at the airport when i get there, and here you are.” i just apologized and sunk into the crook of His neck.

My plan was to talk at the airport and then drive home. i did NOT want to kick Ms. W out, but Maximus had already contacted her and she was going home, which made me feel awful. He insisted that i stay with Him, which i kept trying to convince Him wasn’t my intention of coming up, but He won over. We talked in bed, promised to communicate better, listened.

i’m not proud of my actions. i’m stubborn and hardheaded and tend to ramp myself up, something Maximus chalks up to my heritage. i’d like to say that we’ll never have conflict again, but i know we will. However, i’d really like to believe that we, i in particular, have learned through these experiences how to better communicate. We both feel that how we dealt with conflict in Keeping the Bedroom Door Open was a huge step, proof that we’ve grown. i do trust His love for me and commitment toward us and i hope He trusts mine as well.

Categories: BDSM, communication, conflict, D/s, Dom/sub, Dominant, relationship, relationship needs, submissive | Leave a comment

Keeping the Bedroom Door Open

Maximus and i had some excellent communication yesterday morning; we are both very proud of how it went and have a lot of appreciation for each other about it.

Now, i’ve written about Ms. W before, and i really hoped i was done with any issues or conflict surrounding her relationship with Maximus. So i was disappointed with myself that something came up again. At first, i thought i’d just let it go, not bring up another issue, but then i realized that it really was affecting me and if left unresolved, would recur and cause me to harbor bad feelings, which was not acceptable for me or Maximus.

i was happy to hear Maximus was getting together with Ms. W and had no problem with that whatsoever. We have talked extensively about their friendship, how it differs from ours, and i really do trust that Maximus loves me. i had no heartburn about this at all, and that’s important for me to point out.

Maximus and i texted all day. It was the day i was consumed with my Fantasies, and we had so much fun with that (Maximus texted that my list, numbers 1, 2, 4, 5, and 15 particularly aroused Him; 15 so much so that precum soaked His underwear to the point He had to change them! “you swimming with the balls inside you, well that was too too much not to think about. Ultra hot. Lava hot,” He texted.). i didn’t know the particulars of their plans, but knew they would be getting together that evening. at 7:30 PM, i sent Him a quick text, “Kisses sugar,” to let Him know i was thinking about Him, but never heard back.

i awoke at 1:30 AM and checked my phone, finding nothing. i tossed and turned, mostly irritated at myself that it was bothering me. you trust Him, get over it, i berated myself. i apparently fell back asleep until i was awakened by a work call at 3:30 AM (not unusual). i was still bothered. After thinking about it, i realized that i was not feeling bothered that He was with Ms. W, i was feeling bothered that when He is with her i don’t ever hear from Him, He’s off the grid. This made me feel two things in particular, first, that i felt He was so wrapped up in being with her that i left His mind, and second, that perhaps He didn’t contact me when He was with her because He didn’t want her to know where our relationship was, making me feel illegitimate, like a mistress to a man in a cheating affair–neither of which were acceptable. i knew those were my perceptions, and probably not the reality, but at any rate, this trend was upsetting for me, having occurred every time. To make it worse, i realized that when Maximus and i are together, it is not unusual for Him to text Ms. W or even call her, which hasn’t occurred for me when He’s with her. i thought back to other occasions when He was with other friends, family, or even work associates, and realized that this did not happen when He was with them, that He contacts me with those people, making this absence even more striking to me. Moreover, when i am with others, i always make sure that i check in with Him at some point, especially if i’ve been involved with a sexual partner–it’s important to me that He knows that He’s important to me. In fact, when Mountain Man and Sunflower were here, Maximus asked to Skype when i checked in with Him before going to bed to sleep, and i gladly got up and spent time with Him–it was important.

i realized that i really needed to talk to Maximus about my feelings. i texted Him at 4 AM asking to talk at 7 AM. It was the only way i could try to get some sleep, knowing that i had made a step to talk to Him about it, that i’d done something. i did toss and turn the rest of the night and ended up getting up at 5:30 AM to do some work stuff to occupy my mind.

i did have some epiphanies of thought, however, was able to clarify my issues, and worked out how i was going to organize my conversation with Maximus so that it was calm, clear, and non-threatening. i did not want a repeat of my yelling episode, which, i realize now, i have not blogged about. It was horrible for both of us, non-productive, and extremely embarrassing to have behaved so badly that time.

i need to fill in some background history about Maximus here. As i’ve noted, Maximus was married (actually legally still is, as divorce proceedings are ongoing…more on that in a second) when we first met. i disappeared from the swinging lifestyle scene for a year or so and in that time, Maximus and His wife (JB) met another couple, Ms. W and her husband, Covert Ops. The two couples hit it off and really progressed into a monogamous relationship together. However, JB and Covert Ops began a relationship together, pushing Maximus and Ms. W out; in fact, JB worked very hard to convince Maximus to make Ms. W fall in love with Him in order to maintain her love relationship with Covert Ops without hindrance. This did not occur.

Whenever the two couples got together, JB and Covert Ops would play completely separately from Ms. W and Maximus, going into a different bedroom, closing the door, and staying together, intimately, bareback, the entire time; JB never slept with Maximus when Covert Ops was around. Maximus endured intense pain and anguish of being cut off from JB in this manner, having the bedroom door closed between them, denied access to His wife while she was with another man. JB refused to change her behavior despite Maximus’ feelings.

Eventually, JB moved out of their home and into Covert Ops and Ms. W’s house when Ms. W was away, pushing Ms. W out. Both Maximus and Ms. W are going through divorce proceedings, which have been ongoing for over a year now, full of turmoil. Maximus and Ms. W are still friends, don’t have a love interest, but play together, enjoy each others company, and stay in touch with each other about their individual divorce proceedings. Much of their time together has been spent discussing specifics of their divorce cases, especially lately as Maximus’ process is coming to mediation and potentially trial.

While thinking about how i was feeling and how to convey this to Maximus, i discovered that by His going off the grid, i felt like i was being closed off from Him. Maximus and i sometimes struggle discussing interpersonal issues as i talk in regards to feelings and He talks in data (this is something we refer to as Blue and 8–He asks for 8, a number, something quantifiable, and i respond with Blue, a qualitative intangible). For me, it was a virtual bedroom door. i realized that we had a shared feeling, something concrete i could give Him that would help Him understand my feeling. And it wasn’t that i was taking His previous experience and throwing it back in His face, i realized i genuinely felt like this.

Both Maximus and i feel, as i’ve mentioned before (see Who’s Your Daddy?), that sleeping together, not sex, is extremely intimate. Our rules indicate that while we can have sexual relations with others, we shall NOT sleep with others. However, i have agreed to an exception to this rule, that Ms. W can sleep with Maximus, for several reasons. Ms. W and Maximus have had a longstanding friendship which has included sleeping together, but it is not out of a level of intimacy that Maximus and i share. She lives in a remote location over an hour away and it would be unacceptable to force her to drive home in the dark, alone, on dangerous roads (i truly do believe this). Maximus is NOT in love with her, and if sleeping together ever led to changing these feelings, Ms. W’s ability to sleep over would end immediately. While i have agreed to this exception, it is an inequity. i will never initiate a relationship that includes sleeping over, while Maximus does have this ability in this specific situation. Life is not equitable, relationships aren’t equitable, and this is life. However, there needs to be a balancing to help address inequities. For me, the way to balance our inequity is to have connection with Maximus while He is with Ms. W. I trust Him, completely, i just need the door to be open when He’s with her.

Maximus contacted me at 8 AM, as He had not checked His phone until then. i described to Him how His behavior made me feel, including relating it to the bedroom door. i was calm and organized and He listened (Maximus is very instant and verbal, i need processing time, and during our previous discussions, i’ve become frustrated about losing my ability to present my point when He starts talking during my presentation, which completely distracts me). When i was done, He acknowledged my feeling and apologized that His behavior had caused me such anguish, especially since He could completely relate to it. He told me that He and Ms. W had gone to dinner and discussed important matters regarding their divorce proceedings, but then spent the bulk of the remaining time discussing His relationship with me, in its entirety. Because so much time had been spent discussing us, it felt to Him, that i was included, and He did not realize that He had not actually been in contact with me. He was also not aware and did not know why He’d not contacted me while with Ms. W in the past, nor did He realize that there was an inequity there, and promised to change this, being more aware of my feelings. The image of the bedroom door was very acute to Him.

We both came away from this feeling respected and listened to. This relationship we have, Maximus and i, has the best level of communication i’ve ever had in a relationship, ever. It is something we both value and i love Him beyond measure for this. i know with certainty, that we could not successfully venture into BDSM without this level of communication and the trust that comes from it. No matter what happens in this adventure of BDSM, i know that our relationship, the thing that it most important and primary, has the building blocks to sustain. BDSM is just a piece, it is not our relationship–the relationship is key.

Categories: BDSM, BDSM relationship, communication, conflict, D/s, Dom/sub, Dominant, openess, relationship, relationship needs, submissive | Leave a comment

The Fox and the Bound

Continuing my weekend with Maximus…

Rope Harness
After taking a break from my punishment and reward, working on Christmas decorations, and talking, talking, talking, Maximus pulled out His new hemp bondage rope. We were going to our first rope bondage class, genital bondage, the next day. Maximus had been watching videos by Twisted Monk and wanted to try a body harness He’d seen.

It was AMAZING! He wove the harness on my naked body as i stood in the kitchen and could see my reflection in the stainless steel of His wall ovens. Not only did it look fantastic, it felt almost indescribable! It felt like a hug, being held by Him. The rope that went between my legs and up my back, running along each side of my clit and labia, cradling them, stimulating them. The rope vibrated as He continued to pull the rope ends through the harness and cinched against my sex when He adjusted out the slack and finished tying me up. And it was beautiful, really a work of art.

Unfortunately, we didn’t get any pictures of it because we got so aroused by the sight and feeling of it that Maximus took me upstairs to play in it! One of my favorite things was to have Maximus grab the diamond-shaped ring that was formed at my breastbone and pull me around by it–the rougher the better! He was so very careful with me, and i begged Him to be more aggressive. There was something about being trussed that made me want to be manhandled. And then we discovered how wonderful the groin ropes were! Maximus parted the twin ropes running along my labial folds to expose my dripping pussy and when He entered me, the ropes slid up and down the length of His cock, stroking Him. His face was fantastic in ecstasy! The ropes were slippery from my wetness and i discovered that i could reach down to the ropes at my Mons, grab them in my hand and create tension in the ropes stroking His cock. “Oh My GOD, it’s like the tightest pussy EVER!” He exclaimed. “It’s like a pussy extension,” i mused, and He just giggled! i experimented with the tension to discover His responses and also to prevent giving Him rope burns, especially since we had a couples date in just a couple of hours. At one point, He grabbed the harness and pulled and the whole thing shifted rapidly upward, harshly rubbing against my perineum and pushing the chest knot up into my neck. i was concerned about rope burn on my perineum and Maximus was very concerned about choking me. i reassured Him i was ok and we continued. Maximus flipped me over on my knees and fucked my ass, grabbing the ropes across my back, and came hard!

Having the rope removed was also enjoyable. There’s something soothing about having the rope slide across your skin…

After getting cleaned up, He brought out a new set of Ben Wa balls and inserted them into my pussy and they stayed for the duration of the evening, rattling and clanging inside of me.

BDSM Couples Play
We then went to Mountain Man and Sunflower’s house for a play date! Maximus and Mountain Man had communicated prior about scenes and Maximus and i talked about focusing on Sunflower, as i had a lot of focused play from Mountain Man when they spent the weekend with me and i wanted to make sure Sunflower received that in return for my appreciation. Maximus picked out my outfit, His favorite, short, flouncy, black leather skirt with red ribbon trim around the hem and in corset fashion on the front of each hip; sheer, stretchy top with Bandeau-style front, long sleeves that looped over my middle finger, and long tailed back that extended below the hem of my skirt; my gorgeous black stiletto boots with red ribbon lacing up each side; and my tail, of course! i felt so sassy and reveled in the fact that this was His favorite of my club outfits. When i came downstairs, He mentioned His fetish for bright red lipstick. i dug around in my purse and found some. Then, i remembered how much He adores seeing black mascara run down women’s faces when their eyes water up from gagging on blowjobs, so i asked Him if He desired me to slut it up some more, and He enthusiastically voted yes! i returned with dark goth eyes with heavy liner and mascara, rouged cheeks, fiery red lips, and mussed-up updo hair with curly tendrils that fell into my face and on my shoulders. “WOW!!” is all He could say.

Mountain Man and Sunflower were impressed with my sluttiness–they’ve not seen me in full slut before! Sunflower hit the shower soon after we arrived and i hit my knees in the living room, giving blowjobs to Maximus and Mountain Man. Maximus ordered me to deep throat them, and as i had a glass of wine, i kept vomiting wine into my mouth when i gagged, which was frustrating, but thoroughly amused them! When Sunflower returned from her shower she giggled and said, “Oh no, look at your eyes, your mascara has run down your face!” and i replied, “That was the point!” i held onto both Maximus’ and Mountain Man’s cocks, alternating between them, and then taking them both together in my mouth–oh how i love that!

We moved to the bedroom to watch Mountain Man tie up Sunflower. He did a “frog tie,” having her on her back with knees bent, binding her arms to her legs. Mountain Man did one side and Maximus learned by tying the other. It was magnificent! i watched as they played with her. Sunflower has a painful shoulder, so she needed to be released from the bondage and i was up next for play.

Maximus came behind me to enter me and i reached back to move my tail to the side so it wouldn’t get in the way, and it seemed like it was tucked somewhere. i kept feeling for it and finally realized…

Dude, Where’s my Tail?!?
My tail had broken off!!!! All i had was a 2-inch stub and the rest of my tail was on the bed–i was horrified! “Oh no!” i cried, “my tail, my tail!” i picked it up and held it against my chest. Mountain Man and Sunflower started teasing that i was a bobtail now, and i just couldn’t find it funny. Mountain Man told me to get over it, not realizing that it was really traumatic for me–i think he thought i was trying to play a baby role. Maximus, my ever caring and protective Dom, came to my rescue.

i was really glad that Maximus was there with me when this happened. i was really quite shaken by losing my tail. Even though i’ve only had it for a few weeks, my tail has become a part of my persona and losing it was like losing part of me, like losing an appendage or limb. Actually, it was like breaking Maximus’ body, as my body is His. i realized from this experience that acts or objects can become very special and others may not understand their significance to you or your Master, nor may you realize the importance of special things that others have. my tail is a cherished object, a unique and meaningful gift from my Master, not merely a sex toy, costume, or novelty item. i was also glad that Maximus knew first-hand that i had been careful with His gift and not been reckless or careless to break my tail off. And most of all, i needed Maximus at that moment. i was so upset and i needed support. Maximus scooped me into His arms and held me, reassuring me with His words and kisses as i hugged the broken tail into my chest. He understood what i was feeling.

After His reassurance, we returned to play and ooooooh, how we played! i was stripped from my clothing, keeping the boots on. Maximus asked me to get the clover nipple clamps so He could show Mountain Man and Sunflower “a trick” He’d learned on eXtreme Restraints University, the BDSM 101 videocast. He clipped the clamps to each aureola, behind the nipple (something we learned from the videocast, that we’d been applying them incorrectly to the nipple), and then brought the chain upward and told me to hold it in my mouth. He had clipped the clamps from the bottom, so bringing the chain up twisted my nipples up, very stingy! i had to crawl around on the bed with the chain in my mouth, answering yes or no questions by nodding or shaking my head, no talking; i was also forced to look up. They flogged me, used the riding crop on me, fingered me against the Ben Wa balls, made me beg for orgasms but not allow them until i looked up at Sunflower and she gave the ok. She thoroughly enjoyed being in control of my orgasms, especially in the denial.

While on my hands and knees, Maximus began fingering my ass and eventually had two fingers from each hand in my ass, pulling my asscheeks apart, and Mountain Man stuck his thumb in the middle–i had 5 fingers from three hands in my ass at once! Oh it felt sooo good! They then positioned me atop Mountain Man and DVP’d me, my favorite thing! There was a lot of ass play, anal fucking, cropping, and flogging. At some point, i was on top of Mountain Man in reverse cowgirl, riding His cock with my ass, Maximus with His cock and fingers in my pussy, feeling Mountain Man stroking in and out of my ass. I love my fingers in a woman’s pussy while she is getting fucked, it feels amazing to feel a cock slide against my fingers in the wetness of a tight pussy, and i’ve described that to Maximus. Later, as we all laid on the bed together, we all laughed that Maximus had essentially been stroking Mountain Man off during that, to which we teased, “it’s not gay if there’s a chick in between!”

i was moved to cowgirl and rode Mountain Man more. Maximus and Sunflower then flogged me unmercifully and got into fits of giggles about how red my ass was. They ran off to get their phones and snapped a ton of pictures, trying to get the best one to show off the red.

Eventually i was rolled over, Maximus pulled off the nipple clamps one at a time, allowing me to roil in exquisite pain of their release while Sunflower and Mountain Man watched. He held me in aftercare but then we got aroused again talking about everything and He fingered my pussy until i squirted over and over, hitting Him in the face and covering me.

We had a fantastic evening! And of course, made love when we got home, as we always do after play dates or clubbing, reaffirming our commitment to each other.

A Little Sex Shop Shopping
Before our class the next morning, we made a trip to the shop where Maximus picked up my tail, to see if they would exchange it for a new one. They did, which was super fantastic, and it brightened my day. i really was looking forward to wearing it to our friend’s birthday party next weekend and was really disappointed that the tail had broken the week before that. We looked around together and had a blast, not realizing until then that we’d never gone to a sex shop together before!

Maximus was checking out a case of crystal toys and motioned me over. He’d told me the day before that He wanted to “bejewel” me and i didn’t know what He meant by that. In the case were gorgeous crystal butt plugs with Swarovski crystals in the ends. i pointed out one that i found particularly beautiful and Maximus surprised me by buying it for me on the spot! i had no idea he was going to do that, i just knew it would please Him if i told Him which one i thought was beautiful.

Creeped Out
We then  headed out to the Genital Bondage class. Unfortunately, when we arrived, the location and appearance of the building and surrounding area was just so creepy that neither of us wanted to go in. i truly didn’t have any faith that either of our cars would still be there when we got out of the class in three hours. Maximus also wasn’t happy with the clientele He’d watched go inside, so we decided to for coffee instead.

During our coffee, we decided that we would continue to learn rope bondage with friends and online, and consider booking a private class in our home, perhaps with other couples. When it was time for me to leave for my trip home, i escaped into the bathroom of the coffee shop, inserted my new jewel and sexted the picture to Maximus sitting at the table. i rode the butt plug all the way home on my three-hour trip–and it will be a staple accessory for all long roadtrips from now on!

Categories: BDSM, D/s, Dom/sub, Dominant, flogging, fox tail, fox tail butt plug, jewel butt plug, nipple clamps, riding crop, rope bondage, rope harness, submissive | Leave a comment

First Punishment

i had my first official punishment this weekend and it was well-deserved. i had a playdate with CycloMed Thursday morning but failed to complete all the requests that Maximus had for me to do with him. Specifically, i was supposed to:

  • Be naked except for stilettos, position him in cowboy, straddle him, and lower my ass slowly onto his cock
  • Have only 16 orgasms
  • Mark the orgasms on my breasts so i could keep track, have CycloMed shoot his load between my tits and send Maximus a picture
  • Receive anal training from CycloMed

Well…we Skyped after CycloMed left and i told Him that i had failed to complete everything…i only completed anal training. i was weak and didn’t do what Maximus had asked. He laughed about it but then told me that i would be disciplined for it when i came up to see Him. i acknowledged that i understood that.

When i arrived, Maximus was nowhere to be found inside His house. His garage door was open and His car was there, but the Porsche that the Englishman is storing there was not. It was a little unnerving because i couldn’t believe that He would have taken off in the Porsche and left the house wide open. i honestly expected Him to pop out of nowhere to scare me and then punish me on top of that. What put me even more on edge was the fact that there were restraint systems set up all over His house, and that’s never happened before. Maximus had decorated for Christmas, but hanging down between garland from the balcony into the walkway by the great room were long sections of webbing with eyelets and clips. Upstairs in His bedroom, the ends of the under mattress restraint system were laid neatly on top of His duvet in spread-eagle fashion, with vibrators, rope, more restraints, and other implements of sex play placed on the nightstands and bed. His closet door was nearly closed and i was afraid to even look in there. As i walked downstairs with trembling legs and pounding heart, i saw that the draft pillow was at a 45-degree angle from the base of the front door and that the deadbolt was unlocked. i found Him outside stringing Christmas lights.

“Oh, you got here faster than I expected,” He said, untangling lights. “Come inside, there are things we need to do.” i agreed and mentioned i still needed to bring my things inside as i had come in to greet Him first. “Ok, but just bring them in, don’t get into anything inside.”

i got my bags and nervously giggled to Him as i walked through the great room, “i’ve not ever seen Christmas decorations like those before,” pointing out the restraints hanging down from the second floor. He followed me up to the bedroom and instructed me to put away the contents of my bag into my dresser drawers, telling me He had several things for me, rewards, but first i was to be disciplined. When i finished, He told me to take off my shoes, jeans, and panties, which i did carefully, folding them and putting them neatly away. He reached into the bottom drawer and took out the red satin-lined leather cuffs and placed them securely on each wrist. i realized that i had forgotten to use the bathroom when i arrived from my three hour drive because i’d been looking for Him in the house. i asked for permission to relieve myself, which He gave. When i returned to the bedroom, i knelt at His feet.

Maximus told me to stand, helping me to my feet, and led me downstairs, picking up the riding crop that i had laid across the corner of the bed, since it does not fit into my dresser drawer. He made me walk in front of Him, His hand in the small of my back guiding me. He stopped me at the webbing hanging from the balcony, told me to raise my arms and clipped each cuff into the rings in the middle of the webbing. He instructed me to open my legs wide, inserted a pulsing vibrator into my pussy, and ordered me to close my legs, not to come, and not to drop the vibrator out of my pussy. This made me whimper as He’d knowingly pushed the vibrator directly into my G-spot and closing my legs just intensified this. Once i was restrained, Maximus pushed my shirt up over the top of my bra and then pulled each cup down and shoved the material under my breasts, bracing each tit on a shelf, yet squeezed from the top by my gathered shirt. 

“you were a bad girl this week, gabriella. I’m very disappointed in you,” He told me. He grabbed the riding crop and tapped my nipples. “Tell me what you did.” As i explained my offenses, Maximus struck my ass hard with the riding crop multiple times. i had to continue with my list during my whipping. The pain caused my knees to buckle and hang by my wrists from the webbing. i had to stand back up to proceed. As i stood there taking my discipline, i realized i was standing in front of Maximus’ wall of photos of all His family and friends. It was absolutely humiliating to be tied up and whipped this way in front of them–it was as if their eyes were piercing me with complete disapproval. 

Maximus dropped the crop on the dining table and approached me. He sucked my nipples hard, rubbed my burning ass, then told me to open my legs. He pulled out the vibrator and pussy juices ran down my legs. He put the vibrator in my mouth, then His, and then rubbed it under His nose, “Oh you smell so good, gabriella. Let’s see how wet you are.” He put His fingers into my pussy and began pounding my G-spot, telling me to come for Him, sending me to my toes and into a squirting orgasm. He giggled and pointed out the puddle on the hardwood floor beneath me. He then walked away, put down the vibrator and started pulling off His jeans. They had been unbuttoned and unzipped during the whipping. When He pulled them down, His erect cock got momentarily caught in the waistband and then sprang back when it was released, sending a huge rope of precum toward me that landed on the wood floor at my feet–this was so awesome! After leaving His jeans in a pile on the floor, He walked toward me, His cock still drooling, dripping long strands of wetness in a trail from His jeans to me. Oh wow! i thought, i’ve never seen His cock so drippy with precum before!

Maximus kissed me hard, grabbing the back of my head with one hand, deftly unhooking my bra with the other, pulling it off and flinging it behind Him. He pivoted around me, grabbed me from behind and rammed His dripping cock into my pussy. i pulled on the webbing, bending forward as much as it would allow and pushing back on Him. i could feel Him stiffen, thinking He was going to cum, and then He pulled out. He jammed my G-spot with His fingers again, sending a waterfall out of me onto the floor, then He reached up and released my wrists.

“Come, gabriella, i want you upstairs. You have a reward.” He again placed His hand in the small of my back and started guiding me up the stairs. Halfway up, He stopped me, pushed my torso down and entered me from behind, fucking me on the stairs. i let my feet slide laterally, bracing them against the stringer on either side, my sex wide open to Him. i grabbed the treads in front of me, placing the side of my face on the cool wood as He fucked me. He pulled out before He came, helped me get upright, and started me up the stairs again. 

When we reached the bedroom, He pulled off my shirt, laid me back on the bed, my head buried in pillows. Maximus pulled off His shirt and climbed on top of me, slipped a hand behind my head into the nape of my neck, brought my mouth to His in a deep kiss and told me, “Now I’m making love to you,” before gently entering me. Maximus kept coming toward climax, then pulling out to lick my clit and pussy. i asked Him to come, as i could feel His orgasm building. He did this over and over, telling me that He was trying not to as we had a playdate with Mountain Man and Sunflower later that night, and that He could have come six times already. But He entered me again, telling me how wonderful His pussy felt, stroking faster and faster, finally succumbing to an intense shouting orgasm.

We laid together, stroking each other, kissing. Eventually Maximus rolled over and instructed me to get up and look in my dresser for a surprise. i asked which drawer and He simply advised me to check them all. In the second drawer was a shoe box. i pulled the box from the drawer, sat on the edge of the bed next to Him and opened it to find the most exquisite black lace over purple suede, purple-soled platform stilettos ever! “Oh Maximus, they’re beautiful!” i exclaimed. He had instructed me earlier in the week to select five shoes from that i thought would please Him and email Him the selections. This was one of those pairs, but they were just even more beautiful in person. He had gone to Nordstrom and looked at my selections and knew these were the ones. i slipped on the shoes and they were just perfect…amazing…just like my Maximus.

Categories: BDSM, D/s, discipine, Dom/sub, Dominant, flogging, reward., riding crop, rope bondage, submissive | Leave a comment

Blog at

nijntje & The Bear

Dragons, Warriors and rabbits - The complex simplicity of my freedom under His domination.

Diary of seven

Diary of sub trying to survive in a modern dating world

Babygirl's Story Time

Memoirs of a DDLG Couple


Married submissive: The love, the kink and the connection.

A website for the modern feminist

Active Submission

Because it shouldn't be passive.

The Bee hive

The World of Princess Bee

Domestic Discipline, Jenny style!

Unconventional journey to unimaginable fulfillment.

InnThrall - Your Kinky B&B

Private, Sex-Positive, Romantic Getaway

Lifestyle Wives


The Beautiful Kind

A submissive's journal

Thrill of the Chaste

Personal experiences in the world of Male Chastity

On The Wet Coast

A submissive's journal

A Sexual Being

Where the lines of fantasy and reality blur…

TMI Tuesday blog

A confessional where people come to reveal too much information--sexy secrets, dirty deeds, and more.

serenity through submission

married D/s... 24/7


A submissive's ascent into BDSM