flogging

ForteFemme

ForteFemme

February, while at the Fetish Fair Fleamarket, Maximus and i had the opportunity to attend two classes by Midori, Mapping your D/s Archetype and The Exquisite Whip, both of which we found very transformative. Our dear friend, SexxyPixie, a switchy submissive, who attended those classes with us, had been through Midori’s three-day intensive ForteFemme course and simply raved about it, recommending that i attend if i had an opportunity. i looked into it, but when seeing that the course was about women’s dominance i questioned whether it was the right class for me; SexxyPixie insisted it was totally appropriate and was about embracing feminine power, not necessarily dominance. So, with trepidation, i signed up! And in my typical fashion, i worried about it between February and July.

A couple of weeks before the class i received an email package about the course including location, itinerary, expectations, more information, and homework. And i got even more nervous. The readings and homework questions all pertained to being a dominant in your sexual/kink relationships, something i was not at all experienced in and really hadn’t expressed a desire in. It took me three days to answer the questions with a lot of soul-searching and conversations with Maximus. He was very supportive in my attendance of this course. Through this pre-course assignment i really came to embrace the possibility of switching from time-to-time, exploring topping as a service to Maximus when we play with others. Maximus will always be dominant and His preference is to direct, which often includes directing me to do things with and to others. Perhaps, this course would make service topping more comfortable for me.

The course was held in a wonderful flat in the Flatiron District, an area i’d come to love when Maximus and i visited New York City over Valentine’s Day. i took the train from Washington, DC, where i’d been staying with friends, and stayed in a hotel in nearby Chelsea, walking distance between Penn Station and ForteFemme. The first session was in the evening, getting to know the eight other women attending the course, Midori, and her assistant; going over expectations and orientation for the course; and starting some introductory work. The women in the course were fantastic, from all over the country (and even one from Europe), all different levels of kink experience, and all orientations–it was a wonderful mix! Midori and her assistant were amazing as well and we were never wanting for anything. i did leave that evening concerned and befuddled, as it really did seem to be a course on being dominant, but, as the mission of the course was to “give tools and processes to experience and enjoy your dominance on your terms,” i remained committed to go back the next day open-minded to discover more.

Day two was amazing! We spent time discuss our personal needs for aftercare, how we should preplan our aftercare needs rather than expect someone else to assume to know what it is we need, and do the same for others we play with. We examined the need to develop discipline in determining what we personally need, asking for what we want, managing time, space, and expectations.  And we worked extensively defining foundational words of Dominant, Submissive, Sadist, Masochist, Top, Bottom, Switch, Fetishist, Master/Slave in terms of appetites, outcomes, and structures, so that we were speaking in common terms rather than self-defined shorthand. This asking for definitions, observables, from ourselves and others really was a theme for the course. We worked to define what someone would observe, tangible signs, if we were enjoying play, and what they would observe if we weren’t.

In the midst of this, Midori and i had a difference in terminology over the word like. It seems such a simple, unobtrusive word, but it became one i struggled with in terms of selecting a play partner due to like versus their Curriculum vitae (CV). The discussion took us off track and at some point, we all realized that perhaps she and i define like differently, and possibly there is something lost in translation between us given Midori’s Japanese descent. Afterward, even though we’d resolved it, i felt a bubble of stress, and air of discomfort between us, and it was most probably within me, as i get this way with Maximus, a sort of sheepish embarrassment of breaking a mood after verbal discussions or disagreements.

After a break, Midori asked for someone to volunteer to be in a flogging scene with her. i had seen a flogging scene by Midori during The Exquisite Whip and it was so transformative that it changed how Maximus and i played from that point on. No one else in our group had seen this and i decided i would volunteer to bottom to her so that others could watch and be transformed as i had been watching Midori a few months before. And, i felt it would be a good way for me to release this bubble of stress, remove this feeling of awkwardness i was feeling, and reconnect with Midori. It was a way for me to practice answering the question, “What would please me now?” an essential part of dominant discipline we were learning to apply in our daily lives. And Midori chose me as well.

Midori went through an abbreviated consent conversation with me to prepare for our scene. This preparatory phase is one of the things Maximus and i found so astounding and changing for our play–really having a conversation about desires and needs, gaining common ground for amazing play rather than going through a BDSM checklist of kinky acts. i described my desire for a catharsis, that i felt tension and stress that i wanted to release, and she shared that she felt the same and would be interested in a scene with that mood. And after concluding the conversation, she conducted the flogging scene with grace and deft that was exactly what i needed and cleared all tension i’d felt. And i was all noodles afterward, despite being a short scene.

We ended the day with a field trip to Purple Passion, a fetish and adult toy store in Chelsea and then dinner out with classmates, their partners, and some ForteFemme alumnae.

Admittedly, i was nervous about Day 3 going in. In order to successfully complete the course, at the end of the day we all had to complete a full consent conversation with either our partner we brought along or trainer bottom provided by Midori. We hadn’t even learned the consent conversation, only had the abbreviated demonstration during our flogging scene, so there was anxiety in not knowing yet what we were doing and my anxiety of having to come up with some type of scene where i was dominant/top–completely out of my comfort zone. My mind was reeling on what i could possibly want to do.

We started the day working to define what someone would observe, tangible signs, if we were enjoying topping, and as i’d never topped before, i could only surmise based on non-play dominant situations, which were all about work. Midori advised that i pay attention to future play situations where i would be dominant and learn what those observables were for me. We then examined play we enjoyed as children and how to incorporate those areas of joy into our adult play, something i found fascinating!

Then we did an exercise on role models of powerful femme icons–which ended up completely debasing me. We did work as a group listing examples of powerful femme icons in mythology, history, literature, current culture and talked about their light and dark attributes. After time as a group doing this, we were instructed to do the same individually, listing powerful femme icons that have been our personal role models and then listing their light and dark attributes. i struggled with this and ended up with five. i was shocked in the realization that i didn’t have role models, that i had simply visualized where i wanted to be and made myself into that likeness, not modeled around anyone else. But then, after listing these, we were asked to fold the paper and read off the attributes, which, in turn, reflected your desired type of dominant play. i…was…horrified. Everything reflected work, the work that i had been working for a decade to disassociate from my self. i instantly started to bawl. It was not at all to do with my desired play but with my role at work. i was horrified to realize that i had not accomplished separating my professional self from my individual self.

But an amazing thing happened.

After pouring my grief and frustration out to the group, another woman came and sat down with me at the break to share attributes of one of her role models she’d listed. And then she shared that it was me. i was blown away. i know i didn’t handle it with the most grace, i was still reeling, but i hadn’t realized that i hadn’t failed, that failing would be completely disregarding all those attributes that made me, me.

Then we went right into the consent conversation. And it wasn’t great for me. i was still in my head. The previous exercise was just so intense and i’d not had any time to process it that i was just a puddle. i did the best i could with the trainer bottom i was assigned. He was very gracious and patient and i so appreciate that he took the time and energy to participate and be present. It was very jolty at first, but after i revealed to him that my tendency is toward submission and that this was a difficult exercise for me, we moved more into a real conversation and things improved. We didn’t complete the exercise and we didn’t get into actually playing, but i had figured out in the process that what i really wanted was a simple massage of my back, shoulders, neck, and scalp, so i would call that a win.

After the final formalities, receiving feedback and certificates, it was over. Midori had advised us from Day 1 to preplan our own aftercare, so i went out to dinner at a restaurant i had reserved, returned to my room to pack and hit the sack. i held it together until i got back to my room and was talking to Maximus on the phone, and then there were sobs. The end of the last day was just too intense and i was crumbling. At that point, i openly stated that i wished i hadn’t gone, that i failed. i packed and cried myself to sleep.

Maximus had anticipated this. i’d had a month of being constantly around people, houseguests, vacations with friends, and ForteFemme, and He knew my batteries were going to be exhausted due to my introverted nature. Maximus had upgraded my flights home, complete with a first class cocoon and passes to the airline club room. i watched movies, had a mimosa and fresh fruit, and gave myself a break. In the days that followed i slept, worked in my garden, and had a massage. And i chatted with my submissives network, something that helped me most of all. This group of women is just so important to me as they held space and gave me an opportunity to speak my truth and process my thoughts without judgment or criticism.

It’s taken several days for me to fully process this experience, and i have no regrets at all for ForteFemme. Struggle brings clarity and in discomfort we shift to find our true place. i have not failed, at all. i have had the beauty of discovering that i am on the right path for me and that my desire for submission play is my way of reconciling the years of professional dominance, thus my preference. My strong reaction was a sign. i’ve picked up amazing skills and processes to enhance my relationship with Maximus and play with others, even as a submissive. Embracing my femme power is now part of my daily practice, something Maximus has been encouraging all along. And i am on a path to discovering much more of Maximus and His needs, things i assumed and took for granted.

ForteFemme was amazing. my journey and experience is unique to me, as i was unique to it. i wouldn’t hesitate at all to recommend others, of all persuasions and desires, this intensive study. Go with an open mind and open heart and ready to delve into the light and dark places. But be prepared, you won’t leave as the same person you arrived.

Categories: BDSM classes, communication, flogging, ForteFemme, insecurities, Midori | 1 Comment

Spank!

spanking-tools

Maximus was anxious to try out the techniques He learned from Lee Harrington’s Making an Impact presentation (more info here), but He’d been traveling since that class. So the evening after i returned from Miss Amy Red’s service classes, Maximus took advantage of our time together for some spanking. We don’t have a lot of impact toys, mostly because Maximus hasn’t been particularly interested in it, so most of what we have are floggers. In the picture above, we have a fine leather flogger, a wide and soft leather flogger, a rose flogger i won at the Desire 2015 flogging demonstration, a wooden paint stick from Lee Harrington, and a mini Louisville Slugger. Oddly enough, we don’t have any wooden spoons in our house for cooking as i’ve never felt i could get them clean enough, but i think i see a trip to Bed Bath and Beyond to procure some for our toy chest in my future!

Maximus had me strip naked except for my high heeled shoes and kneel on the leather bench at the end of our bed. i leaned forward with my arms folded beneath my face on the bed, jutting my ass out toward Him. He started spanking lightly with just His hand, holding one hand just below the small of my back, switching hands to distribute spankings over each cheek. It was very light and He took a lot of time warming up my skin. Because we were learning something new together there was more talking than we’d usually have in a normal scene. He wanted to know how it was feeling, if the strikes were distributed enough, if it was too hard, etc. i was curious whether it was hurting His hands, if my skin was red, etc. He did say my cheeks were starting to redden and that because He was cupping His hands somewhat, the spankings weren’t hurting Him. He switched to the wooden paint stick and worked to warm me up more. It was definitely more stingy than a hand and made a great sound. None of it was intolerable and i could tell He was ramping up the intensity of the strikes as well as the tempo. He switched between using His hand and the paint stick.

i was surprised that it wasn’t hurting as much as i expected. i think it was because He spent time warming my ass up with lighter spanks. The strikes sent waves through my ass and into my perineum and i could instantly feel the walls of my pussy contract hard and start to ache, like it does when i get quickly turned on at the beginning of any play. It was more sensual than i expected. i really wanted some impact to my perineum, labia, and ass, which is something we do with the crop. Maximus spread my legs and started striking me with the paint stick and started to chuckle as strings of pussy juice started dripping and hanging from the stick. He switched back to spanking my ass cheeks with His hand harder than before.

Because the paint stick really wouldn’t nicely strike my pussy, Maximus switched to the mini Louisville Slugger. It fit perfectly! He struck my ass, upper thighs and it was really thuddy–i really liked it. i wanted Him to fuck me with it, but i hadn’t gotten any condoms out for that prior to our session and Maximus didn’t want to stop the spanking. (the end of a baseball bat is end-grain and not really conducive for fucking without the protective covering of a condom). i loved the random strikes to my pussy, clit, labia, and ass between strikes to my cheeks.

red-bottom

Red bottom

From here, Maximus switched to floggers. He used the small stingy one first and was really able to strike with a lot of force without it being too painful. We both could see that i was able to take much more with the warm up rather than striking hard from the get-go. He switched to the large flogger and while it sounds horribly menacing, it doesn’t hurt at all! He was throwing it as hard as He could and it just didn’t really do anything for me. But in the presence of others, they would probably think He was killing me! Then He switched to the rose flogger, which we’ve never really been able to use because it is very aggressive. It strikes very hard and is extremely thuddy. The strikes from this flogger transmit completely through my body and the rose petals sting. I was able to take quite a bit of force with it, but after a while i felt i needed a break from the strong vibrations from my ass into my internal organs, so we stopped that.

i was enjoying our session, but really didn’t think i could subspace from it. It was more intense than any other impact play we had ever done and i thought it would do more in my head. Maximus rubbed my ass between toys and during little breaks, commenting how red my skin was. i asked if i could have the Hitachi magic wand and i held it against my clit as He spanked me more. After a while, i just really wanted Him to fuck me.

So Maximus started finger fucking me and then flipped me over on my back, fucking me with His hands while i used the wand. He started fucking me really hard with His hand (i later learned He was fisting me) and it was deliciously intense. Suddenly, i realized i was going to have an extremely intense, emotional orgasm. i’ve learned that i have five discernibly different orgasms–breast orgasms, clit orgasms, anal orgasms, pussy orgasms, and these deep emotional orgasms that seem to come from my soul (i don’t know how else to describe them). All of these orgasms feel and develop differently. i could feel this one developing and begged Maximus not to stop, because these ones are so primal and cathartic that i really wanted to build and take me. These orgasms make me sob, deep, guttural sobs that can be alarming to people if they don’t understand them. Maximus is aware of them and doesn’t stop when i start in on one (unlike my clitoral orgasms which require stimulation to stop as soon as my orgasm starts, these deep orgasms build and grow deeper and better and can continue for a long time with continued stimulation). He continued to fist me while coming to my side and telling me i was ok. i found it distracting and asked Him to stop telling me it was ok. Turns out He thought i was going into subspace due to the impact play and needed reassurance. i never subspaced, i was just having an amazing orgasm that i wanted to ride.

We laid on the bed together and reveled in the scene. We talked about the orgasm and how cathartic those ones are and how He thought i had subspaced. He realized, though, immediately when i responded to Him that i wasn’t spaced. However, He did note that my skin temperature dropped immediately after we stopped, which is typically what happens when i space, so if i had continued to orgasm, i probably would’ve slipped into subspace.

In all, Maximus spanked me for 25 minutes (He kept track), which is the longest spanking session we’ve ever had. We would say it is something that we’ll keep in our repertoire, as it was pretty enjoyable! i’m not sure that i find the impact play cathartic in of itself, but it does stimulate me and enhanced other play. It will be interesting to see how that progresses as we implement more impact play.

Oh, i had some really nice subtle bruising the next day. Maximus did apply arnica cream to my ass when we went to bed that night, so i think that helped. And i had a nice reminder of our session the next couple of days with a tender bottom. It made sitting to watch the Super Bowl with family really fun (in a hot way)!

And i ended up with a bruise in the shape of a heart! i think it was from a rose…

heart-bruise

Categories: BDSM, fisting, flogging, Lee Harrington, spanking | Tags: | Leave a comment

Reflections on Desire, Part 3

desirereflections

Kinky Desire

Last year when we went to Desire we didn’t really see much kinky, BDSM play. There was one collared submissive, a latex couple, a demonstration on flogging, but really we got the impression that kinky BDSM play wasn’t really a part of this group. It was fine, we’re happy to be just swingers.

But this year, as we’d been working on defining our M/s, we struggled with going just as swingers. We’d had a long enough break from Total Power Exchange (TPE) and we were looking forward to bringing ourselves back up to speed during this trip. As we talked about what to pack for the trip, however, we just felt we might isolate ourselves if we brought too many BDSM accouterments. We’d run into this before when Maximus had me wear my foxtail butt plug to one of M&S’s swinger parties…it just kind of creeped-out our friends.

So Maximus picked out our toys accordingly. We left my collar and cuffs at home and Maximus instructed me to get one of those elastic stretch tattoo necklaces that i could wear 24/7 to represent my collar. He felt i would be more comfortable with that anyway due to the heat. And we packed our Sportsheets cuffs and tethers. Maximus wanted our small and medium floggers, as well as our crop, as we saw there would be another flogging demonstration. Because we were hosting a sensory deprivation orgy, i packed all of our blindfolds, including my special leather one for me, and our feather on a stick. We had several dildos and vibrators, including two wands, the penis extender (mainly for us in our room as not to freak people out), and my new InJoyUs strapless strap-on because we had some strap-on play last year. We also brought rope and safety shears. The kinkiest toys we packed were my Bejeweled butt plug, clover nipple clamps on a chain, and nipple suction, all important devices for Maximus which He intended to use in our room.

However, shortly after we arrived, we realized there were a lot more kinky people at the Life on the Swingset Desire takeover this year! And we wished we’d brought our kinky toys. Not only were there kinksters, but several more people in D/s or M/s dynamics. This was exciting for us, as we wanted to talk to others about their dynamic and learn from them about their protocols, rules, et cetera. J.V. and Shara of Ending the Sexual Dark Age were there, as well as an M/s couple from California who manage a dungeon. Our friends from the last year, Eagle Scout and Mmmm, who we thought had a D/s dynamic, were actually going to be doing one of the flogging demonstrations with J.V.! Wow, had we underestimated the group this year!

There were several kink events. J.V. and Shara hosted several munches, and quite a few people attended. There was a kinky toy show-and-tell after the vanilla toy show-and-tell, and that was the first time we really realized we had made a mistake in not bringing our kink bag. And then there was the flogging demonstration and a kink salon hosted by J.V. and Shara.

The flogging demonstration was wonderful. J.V. discussed dungeon etiquette, consent, RISK and SSC, and types of floggers. But as soon as i walked in, i could hear jingling rings of collars worn by Mmmm and LodiPet, and my mood immediately dropped–i missed my collar. It was the same reaction i had when i went to Venus in Fur with AwesomeA, that sound triggers something in me. Eagle Scout demonstrated Florentine flogging on Mmmm which was beautiful to watch, and then J.V. flogged Ginger from the Swingset crew.

We did win a raffle prize–a gorgeous leather rose flogger. It really is

beautiful, so much so that i thought it wasn’t one of the options to choose from at the prize table! We’ve not used it yet, but i’m sure it will lead to a journal posting once we do.

Maximus was very interested in learning new flogging techniques from Eagle Scout. We had a great connection with him and Mmmm last year and this year picked right up where we left off. Maximus and i had discussed having Eagle Scout flog me and we’d also discussed this with Mmmm and Eagle Scout, to which they had also expressed interest.

We had a chance to do this at J.V. and Shara’s salon. The four of us were the first to arrive, giving us enough space to do this in their suite. i leaned forward, holding onto a ledge while Eagle Scout performed Florentine flogging while explaining it to Maximus. He offered Maximus an opportunity to try it out, but He’d had a few drinks and did not feel comfortable trying it under that condition. i was surprised, the flogging got fairly intense for me quite quickly. i knew from the demonstration earlier that he wasn’t even close to mid-steam. It seemed like the flogger was hitting in the same places at the lateral ends on my outer thighs, and i had to use my yellow safeword. Eagle Scout was surprised as well, as my skin hadn’t even gotten reddened or warm. After discussing it with Eagle Scout, Maximus and i both realized that we’d not done a lot of work on my backside other than short sequences of flogging, spanking, and the crop. The majority of the work has been on my breasts. Learning this, Eagle Scout did some flogging on my breasts, and while he was concerned about going too strong, it was barely registering on me and i wished he’d done more. Turns out he’d done very little breast flogging and was very nervous about it. i’d like more!

Maximus took me to the bed after the flogging and applied the nipple suction tubes. People were very intrigued. He worked them for about 45 minutes, pulling my nipples over an inch. We walked around and socialized, talked about the nipple suction and the nipple play that Maximus does, including pinching until i orgasm, nipple clamps with and without weights, clothes pins, and striking my clamped breasts with the crop. He removed the tubes, which didn’t have a lot of orgasmic or painful response since they’d not been on too long. Shara brought me over a towel and wrapped it around my shoulders and thanked me for sharing our scene, sharing that she could not have endured such nipple play. i was so surprised. i was truly honored that she thanked me for our scene, i was just humbled by her and her words. Several others, including Mmmm, LodiPet, and Ginger also expressed that they could not imagine such play. i realized that Maximus had succeeded in nipple and breast torture training of me, giving me great endurance. He noted, however, that it was obviously time to do similar training to my backside…

We learned a valuable lesson this year at Desire. We learned how important it is to be our authentic selves. Fear, and really, irrational fear, lead us to not bringing tools that allow us to fully express ourselves, and because of that, we missed out on some things that truly give us pleasure. i missed my collar and cuffs–i am so proud of them and what they represent, and i felt their absence. We will bring our complement of BDSM equipment next year, even if that means checking a third bag. We are among friends, among peers, among fellow kinksters. We are who we are, and although some people may not understand it, there are many who will and many who appreciate authenticity.

Categories: BDSM, breast torture, D/s, Desire, Dom/sub, Ending the Sexual Dark Age, flogging, J.V. and Shara, M/s, Sex resort | 2 Comments

We Got VD – Valentine’s Day!

Goodness gracious! So sorry about the long absence, but i got super sick with influenza, yes, one of the thousands who got the flu bug, and even ended up in the hospital for a couple of days to recover.

Maximus was a saint through it all. i had requested that He continue with His business trip while i was in the hospital, a trip that turned out to be extremely important. Unfortunately, i got pumped up full of steroids between the time He left and came down, and He was confronted by a very angry gabriella by text and telephone, demanding that He not bother to come, as i had twisted the timeline in my infected state and believed He had stalled the trip down. my angry email that i am not proud of:

Everyone else has offered to help, to come stay, to bring something.
Everyone else has checked in with me rather than having me check in with them.
i didn’t want everyone else.
i wanted You to go on your business trip because it was important and i thought You’d be right back to see me. i was wrong.
You called on your way to the airport. You texted when You were in bed at Your brothers, so i wouldn’t bother Your sleep. i didn’t even know when You were coming back, You never bothered to share Your itinerary. You said You’d text when You landed and You didn’t. Your supposed arrival date here has changed 5 times. i heard all about what a priority Swimmer Guy’s mail was.
i don’t feel like a priority.
If tables were reversed, i would checked on You constantly, until You told me to stop. i would have come straight to You on my way home from the business trip. Nothing would have stopped me.
Don’t bother now. You’ve proved your point. i have everyone else.

Maximus’ simple reply:

See you later today.

Kisses

GOT

i barely let Him in the house when He arrived and i growled at Him, “i told you not to come.” i was in the tub when He arrived, thinking that i’d succeeded in convincing Him not to come down. “Well, if you’re going to fire Me, you’re going to do that to my face. you’re sick, baby, this is being sick talking. Can I at least hold you?” He came to me and wrapped His arms around me, pressing my face into His chest. “What medications do they have you on anyway?” Maximus checked my medications and started to chuckle. “No wonder you’re angry, look how much Predisone they have you on….you’re ‘roid raging!”

Maximus got me calmed down. He then cleaned every surface of my house with a Costco-sized package of Clorox wipes, fed me, started loads of laundry, changed my bedding, and put me to bed. He worked from my home and took care of me, giggled about my raspy voice that turned into a little girl’s voice as i recovered. He was quite the doting caregiver and i was well on my way to recovery when He headed home.

Our Valentine’s Day plans were for after Valentine’s Day and included me heading up on the train. We’ve discovered this is a less-expensive and very enjoyable way to travel to see each other. The train has wi-fi, albeit kinda spotty as it is cellular-based and doesn’t have consistent coverage the whole route, and they serve wine! The trip takes the same amount of time, but we arrive rested. As i was going to be taking the train, i became concerned about being able to transport His Valentine’s Day present as it was bulky and fragile. i wrapped His gift and He took it home to open when i arrived later.

i decided to harken back to 1930’s movies where a woman traveled by train to her lover, all decked out, and was met by Him at the train station. i wore a low-cut, cap sleeve, short flowing dress, white with black rose motif in honor of Valentine’s Day and red satin peep toe stilettos. Maximus was waiting out front for me.

We had an amazing prix fixe three-course dinner at a quaint restaurant in Seattle. We ordered cocktails and i presented Maximus with another Valentine’s gift, brass collar stays with racy hidden messages engraved into them, stored in a case that i had monogrammed GOT. i’d noticed in His travel bag that He carried a few old plastic collar stays and really deserved something much better than that. Maximus just loved them and as fate would have it, the shirt He was wearing had lost both collar stays, so He went through the case and picked out two that spoke to Him and i leaned across the table and inserted them for Him. So perfect! Inside His card, i wrote out a poem from Tyler Knott Gregson, All Things, that touched me as it made me think of Maximus:

All Things

You are all things
and in all things
I find you.
I see you in the ruffled
sheets still painted
with the silhouette of morning;
I see you in the tea that stains
the water that fills this cup.
I hear you,
your shuffled laughter as the
sound of a page turning
in every book I read.
The sound of my own breath
echoing in my own ears
before sleep and it’s you
whispering between the exhales.
You are all things
and in that
you are never
gone.
In all things
I find you and in that
we are never
apart.

Maximus was very struck by the same lines as i, and toasted “you are all things and in all things I find you.” It was absolutely stunning. 

We started talking and talking, about us, about our D/s relationship, about fears and the process of beating down those fears. Maximus revealed that He was no longer fearful of me sleeping with someone else, as in literally sleeping with someone i’ve been having sex with as part of our swinging lifestyle and playing separately. He trusts me and knows that i love only Him and that i would not betray Him. Sleeping with someone is not something that i had done very often in the past even as a single woman. As our contract requires, i had asked Maximus several months ago if i could go to the coast at the invitation of CycloMed, as his guest in a hotel where he was attending a convention, for a sexual rendevouz, but that it would, for safety reasons, i.e. driving home in the middle of the night on dangerous roads in the rain, be better if i could stay the rest of the night and drive home in the morning. Maximus not only agreed, but insisted that He would be angry if i attempted to drive home in the middle of the night from the coast; however, CycloMed had to cancel and it didn’t occur. i’d not requested another sleepover since, and really it wasn’t an issue. i had, however, received an invitation to get together with Wildride Pilot next month during some layovers, which i had informed Maximus about, and planned on telling Maximus this weekend that i was going to book a separate room to sleep in on the night that we’d not be getting together until very late. i think this invitation had gotten Maximus to think about this rule, even though i had not yet given Him the specifics as to times we would be meeting.

This lead to all kinds of great discussion about trust and fear, how our relationship and, thus contract, has evolved–it was just a terrific conversation.

We then headed home. Maximus instructed me to go inside, stand in the great room and wait for Him. He said He’d carry in my bag. i brought all of our toys with me this trip, except the chain mail dress, as He’d instructed for His plans for me–i had to pack the toy bag inside of my biggest suitcase and pack clothes around it and it weighed in at 49 pounds, one pound under the limit for checked baggage on the train! Maximus came in and told me to close my eyes and hold out my arms. He placed a package in my arms and when i opened my eyes found gorgeous red towels for my bathroom (Maximus decided i needed special towels for my master bath rather than all the same towels between my bathrooms)! It was a great Valentine’s gift and we laughed and laughed about it.

He instructed me to close my eyes again…this time a bag from Victoria’s Secret was placed in my hands. It was full of beautiful new panties, all styles, all colors and designs. Maximus had gone through my underwear drawer while taking care of me and was woefully unimpressed at my current collection. Maximus pulled my dress off over my head, removed my bra (bras aren’t to be worn after 6:30 PM at Maximus’), leaving me in my red stiletto heels as i’d not worn panties, just my bejeweled butt plug and Benwah balls. Maximus picked a pair of panties from the bag, steadied me, slipping my feet through the panties and sliding them up onto me, dressing me. He had me turn to model them, admiring them on me, telling me the story of picking them out. He then removed them and repeated with each pair. i absolutely loved being dressed by Him, like a doll. At the bottom of the bag was a sexy form-fitting short black lace nightie. He pulled off the last pair of panties and slipped the nightie over my head for me to model for Him. My current nightie and pajama collection was not impressive to Him (and truly, i never wear nighties or pajamas unless i’m sick, so they are admittedly old, faded, worn, and comfy, and not meant to be seen by anyone!).

i was instructed to crouch down, staying on my feet, and hold my arms out once more. This time a heavy package was placed in my arms. The first item in the bag was a ball gag, with a slotted red ball attached to a black leather strap. i had initially been fearful of ball gags and indicated they were a red limit to me, but i’d been fantasizing about them recently and actually enjoyed two scenes where Maximus, at my request, had tied rope through my mouth and around the back of my head as a gag during one and stuffed my panties in my mouth during another. The next object was a heavy chain leash with a black leather hand strap…it was so heavy! And finally, in the bottom of the bag were a bunch of heavy padlocks all connected together, pounds and pounds of them. Maximus giggled as i looked puzzled at them–i couldn’t fathom what these were about!

i wanted to give Maximus His gift and He said no, that it was time for Him to do a scene He’d been planning for my arrival. Maximus helped me to stand, reached up and removed my butt plug and Benwah balls. He then walked me into the kitchen where he had a new 200′ long spool of red hemp rope and several lengths that had been cut off of it on the granite island. Maximus pulled the top of my new nightie down, sucked and bit my nipples, taking my breath away. He picked up one of the lengths of rope and wrapped it first below my breasts and then above, then tied in front to cinch in between my breasts. He tied the back with another rope, lashing my arms together behind my back from the upper arm, down. my breasts were so taut and He slapped and flogged them. Then He applied the chained clover nipple clamps to my nipples, searing pain caused me to inhale sharply. i wanted to buckle at the knees, but He prevented me from doing so. He slapped and flogged my breasts some more and then walked away, returning with the padlocks. Only then did i realize what they were for! Maximus had shared an Kink.com video with me with breast bondage where padlocks were dropped onto the chain between clover nipple clamps, one by one by one, and i was going to experience this. The first padlock was applied gently onto the chain and honestly, i couldn’t feel it’s weight. Another padlock, and again, i couldn’t feel any change. Another, and another…then He squeezed the clamps and Oh My God! i dropped to my knees. He slapped my breasts and searing pain tore through me. i dropped forward, resting the padlocks on the floor and He flogged my ass, finger fucked me until i had squirted a huge puddle on the hardwood. i couldn’t support myself with my arms as they were restrained behind me and touching my nipples on the floor was like lightning, so i used my forehead and temples to brace myself and hold myself up and ended up with my head jammed against the bottom grate of His massive JennAir refrigerator. Maximus rolled me onto my back, the padlocks slid to my left side as He fingered my pussy and slapped my aching breasts. My left arm suddenly started to go numb so He released my arms. Maximus laid me on my back on the kitchen floor and began to fuck me…His chest pressing against mine was excruciating. The sounds coming out of me were unlike anything i’ve ever heard before, guttural, involuntary.

He eventually stopped and carefully removed the padlocks one by one from the chain and i knew removing the clamps, the searing, piercing pain of removing the clamps, was next. They were removed with more screams, His hands squeezing my breasts tightly, pushing the pain deeper. i’d not been able to keep my eyes open for much of the play and in fact, Maximus said they were rolled backward when they were open. Tears had been streaming down my face and my breath was in rapid pants. Maximus held me on the kitchen floor, kissed me, told me i was safe, how beautiful i was, and how proud of me He was as He stroked me. He slowly helped me to sit and then stand, wrapped a heavy robe around me and laid me down on the couch in the living room, curled, eyes closed and teary, breathing calmed. He stroked me more, praised me, and then went into the kitchen to clean up after our play.

When He was done, i asked Him to bring the present i’d had Him bring up with Him from before. i had made Him a large wall hanging out of wine corks, in the shape of a heart, graduated from white to darkest red. For months, i’ve been grabbing bags of corks from His extensive collection that He saves in giant apothecary jars next to His fireplace, worried that He would discover they were missing, or worse yet, catch me in the act! He was extremely touched by the gift.

Maximus brought me a bourbon and sent me upstairs to bed, where He would join me momentarily. When i pulled back the covers i found four love notes in between the sheets…

Oh how i love this Man!

Categories: BDSM, BDSM relationship, breast bondage, breast torture, butt plug, D/s, Dom/sub, flogging, jewel butt plug, nipple clamps, relationship, rope bondage | Leave a comment

Reflection

Maximus asked if i would write about my observations/reflections of His past week i spent with Him. i found this to be a very profound request. While i want this to be a purely objective view, it cannot be, as the events of the past week touched me as well, and my love for Maximus makes me empathetic to anything that affects Him, so my observations are tainted with subjectivity.

Friday, the supposed End of the World, as the Mayan Calendar expired, was the date for the mediation step in the divorce process between Maximus and JB. i have NEVER been witness to such a contentious divorce process in my life–the stuff movies like The War of the Roses and Intolerable Cruelty have been modeled after. Let me correct that statement, because in those movies, BOTH parties were cruel and nasty, intentionally damaging each other, but this process dealt with constant mudslinging and attacks from JB. It took over a year to get to the mediation hearing. My observation is limited only to the past ten months–an overdue gestation period for certain. While it is true that my perspective is tainted by the fact that i never did like JB, am in love with Maximus, and had only the capability to observe from the vantage point of being His supporter, i honestly did not see Him ever participate in any nastiness or retaliation. He was heartbroken, devastated that this woman He loved and adored turned into someone He could not recognize and attacked Him with the sole intent to ruin Him emotionally and financially.

Maximus never let Himself rest during this period. He will deny this. His mind was always working on the most recent subpoena or demand. He was on military ready-reserve, simultaneously proactive and reactive. i’ve watched as this process has drained Him, watched Him pace, watched Him work to compartmentalize His life to complete everything to its usual state of perfection, despite of it all. i’ve listened to Him intently and patiently as He explained what was happening, often just gladly being a springboard for Him to think aloud. And my heart bled. There were a couple of times the last two months that i thought something horribly tragic had occurred, as He would be ashen, crestfallen, withdrawn. Most of the time though, He was manic, moving, cleaning, attacking work, workouts, legal demands with the fury and precision of a ninja fighting a band of simultaneous attackers.

He was ninja Maximus this week, most of the time. And i was so scared for Him because of it–i worried about the crash, the point of exhaustion that i knew would come, that He denied was inevitable. i made plans to come up for the week to help Him, not to help Him with the attack, but to take care of all the other things in His life, the house, cooking, errands, etc. so He could focus and the things He needed to do for mediation. He didn’t need the added stress of everyday things and i also feared He’d not eat if food didn’t magically appear in front of Him.

The unfortunate thing was, that right before i was set to come up, i attacked Him verbally, emotionally, mentally. He had no fight left. It was awful and caused Him to pull back from me, to protect Himself, to keep His focus on the task at hand. i didn’t know if i should proceed with my plan to come up, afraid i was now a distraction rather than an asset, but during a conversation it was apparent that He thought i was still coming up, so after thought, i decided to continue with the plan. He did, however, ask The Englishman to stay because He really didn’t know what to expect from me. i appreciate that He did that, truly.

We fucked when i got there. It was a release for us both, for many different reasons, but did not dissipate the tension we both felt. Neither of us wanted to deal with our interpersonal tension this week and prior to me coming up, had agreed to table any discussion about it until after mediation. We went to the pool and swam, but for the first time since i’ve known Him, Maximus did not finish His planned workout. His attorney was panicking as JB’s attorney had demanded more information; His attorney was behind due to another trial that had gone over two days and prevented her from preparing everything for Maximus’ case. Maximus had given His attorney notice that He’d be unavailable for an hour for His swim, had a set distance planned, but He was distracted, i could tell, and i found Him standing in the end of the pool about 40 minutes into the workout. i asked Him if He was ok, if He was done and He told me He was fine and had another 200 laps to go–200 laps?!? How could He have that many left? i realized He could not even compute His workout, which for an All-American, nationally ranked master swimmer, was a sure sign of struggle. i found Him standing in the end of the pool again five minutes later and He was done.

A bevy of panicked emails awaited Him. He spent the afternoon sending information to His attorney, working to calm her down. He came out of His office occasionally to update us on the situation, to think aloud. i went in occasionally to check on Him, give Him a hug or a kiss, and followed any request He had, including blowjobs, sex, exposing my body, whatever He wanted as a stress relief. The Englishman and i made dinner, spent a lot of time talking and bonding. Maximus ate and returned to His work for the rest of the evening. The Englishman and i ended up fucking after dinner, much to Maximus’ delight, as He’d been trying to orchestrate this through the afternoon and dinner–He enjoys hearing me with others, and it seemed to provide some relief for Him to hear us fucking. i came down every once and a while so He could touch, taste, fuck me, which He delighted in.

The Englishman was “knackered” and passed out! i returned downstairs because i could hear Maximus working on dishes we’d abandoned, and i absolutely did not want Him working on household things whatsoever. He sat on the couch with a bourbon and we retired upstairs when i was done. We fucked and for the first time, due to sex talk we were having about denial as a component of D/s, i began to deny my own orgasm as a denial to Him, pushed Him away, bit His fingers hard, and we had some sex fuck-fighting, which He kept saying was so hot! as we were doing it. When we were done and laying there, getting ready to go to sleep, i needed to ask Him a question about a text i’d read on His phone…seriously, what the hell is wrong with me?!?  i told Him all i needed was an answer to the context of the text and that i didn’t want to discuss the whole jealousy mess, but it ended up being a two and a half hour conversation. i told Him many times that i wanted Him to stop and table this so He could sleep, but He insisted that He needed to get stuff out and was NOT going to stop and go to sleep. It turned out to be one of the most important conversations of our relationship (see The Gift of Gabbing).

The next morning Maximus left early to go swim with Swim Guy, one of His best friends. i had decided to talk with The Englishman, per Maximus’ recommendation, to get some perspective about His relationship with Ms. W and i also wanted to clear the air about my meltdown that he’d overheard. We walked for hours in the rain and it helped me beyond belief. When we returned, Maximus came out of the office and updated us on the morning’s events–JB’s attorney had sent over her demands–including over a million dollar settlement request! The demands were unbelievable, incomprehensible. His attorney was spiraling. i was beyond terrified. i listened as he calmly listed everything, breaking down inside, not wanting to show Him i was scared. i could see He was in a state of disbelief, shaking His head and chuckling at the list. When He went back into His office, i took laundry upstairs to His bedroom, sat on the bed, and cried. i realized i needed to be strong for Him and worried when His breaking point would be.

i headed out to get groceries. i didn’t want to cook, but i needed to get out and allow myself time to get the worry out and recompose myself away from Him. Thank god i did, for when i returned, Maximus greeted me in a state of pallor, nearly disoriented, to the point of almost babbling. i went outside in the rain with Him as He filled bird feeders and talked incessantly, all over the board, difficult to follow, obviously thinking aloud. i let myself be His tree trunk, sounding board, safe room. He had to go to His attorney’s office to strategize–we went into His office, shut the door, He sat on a leather ottoman and He brought out His cock. i pushed Him back onto the couch, straddled Him, fucked Him, squirted all down His legs and puddled the floor, giving myself to pleasuring Him and let Him lay there and be pleased. It was necessary, He needed someone to take care of Him, He needed a release, He needed something to give Him energy and restore His mind and soul. He regained His strength, resolve, and color by the time He left.

He returned four and a half hours later. He described His attorney’s panic and His calm. She was screaming and yelling and He finally told her to calm down, that they had everything and that He was the most well-prepared client she’d ever had. It shook her, she realized He was right, and she apologized. He discussed their strategy and feeling that mediation was going to fail and they’d end up in court. Maximus ate and then decided to show The Englishman about spanking, flogging, and cropping. The Englishman was in utter disbelief that i was submissive, so Maximus wanted to share how, in fact, i was. Maximus dressed me in heels and a santa claus hat, laid me over the dining table and they both worked on me. There was ice, nipple clamps, photographs taken, and it was wonderful. He delighted in sharing this with The Englishman. It was a short session, as Maximus had more work to complete, and i went up with The Englishman to fuck Him as He was very aroused.

The Englishman passed out and i returned downstairs to clean up after our dinner. Maximus concluded His work and we went upstairs to go to bed. i was fully expecting to go to bed and sleep as He had His mediation in the morning and hadn’t slept well all week. Maximus rolled over and we made love. i curled into His arm afterward and He rubbed my shoulder and yawned, “Ok, time to sleep,” and two minutes later became completely animated and chatty. He talked for hours, literally hours all about past relationships. i couldn’t get Him to stop, He didn’t want to, and i learned immense amounts about Him–all important, wonderful stuff. i don’t know where this came from, but He needed a catharsis, i think. He finally rolled over and fucked me and we went to sleep.

Mediation morning, He left early to swim with Swim Guy. He told me He’d text me to update me during the day and i told Him i would not be texting Him, only responding to His texts, because i didn’t want to bother Him at all. The Englishman left and i busied myself with projects and swim workout. i heard from Him right before the start and after the mediator left the first time, and learned He felt good about her, but then nothing the rest of the afternoon. By 5:30PM, i started to think they might possibly be getting close to a deal since if things were at a standstill, they would have certainly concluded the mediation as it was the Friday before Christmas. i put on music, specifically, Elton John’s Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, which for some reason is a song i need sometimes to flush out all thoughts and chill. i set it on repeat, turned up the volume, walked around the house singing the words, trying to stop worrying. Halfway through the first repeat, i got a text from Maximus, “Done. Writing it up !!!” i burst into tears of relief. i had been so worried that He had another month of this terrorism ahead. i was profoundly relieved that this chapter of His life was closing and He’d be finally able to move on and live His life without the daily assault. And i realized that i had never really known Him without this–not known Him without being occupied with details of a drawn-out divorce and the trauma that comes with it.

i worried about what to do next. i knew that while this was momentous, it really wasn’t cause for high celebration. i’ve been divorced twice and settling, signing, finalizing a divorce, while a relief, marks the true end of a marriage, something you entered into full of joy and lifelong expectation. i was concerned about what i should wear, what music to play, the mood. And i also thought i shouldn’t be there. my concern was that i’d only been in Maximus’ life for several months and He had family and friends who have been in His life for years, supported Him, and needed to be able to show their support now. He gets energy from people, and everyone knows that. He was going to feel pressure that i was there, feeling He needed to come home instead of sharing this moment with those important people who need to share in this with Him–particularly His kids, who needed closure too. i felt like i was robbing them of His time. He called me to tell me all about His day and the mediation process and confirmed what i had been thinking, that everyone wanted Him to come over. His son, in fact, wanted the two of them to fly to Las Vegas that night. i told Him that He should do that, honestly. He said, no, that while He was very tempted, it wasn’t the right thing. He was, however, going to go to one of His daughters’ homes and share a celebratory drink with her and another daughter and their families–which i encouraged. i did share that i didn’t want to prevent Him from doing what He wanted to do, that i knew people knew He got energy from people and that He’d worry everyone by telling them He was just going to go home.

He returned home much quicker than i expected. i asked Him what He wanted, what He needed, if the music was appropriate…and He said, “you’re overthinking this, don’t overthink this.” But, honestly, i was waiting for the crash. He got a bottle of champagne and we sat on the couch as He explained what had happened. JB went ballistic on the mediator, made a fool out of herself, screamed and yelled, and lost the case. Maximus was calm, cool, collected, organized. The mediator spent all day with JB, Maximus spent the day on work stuff. We toasted the closing of a chapter. He went upstairs for something and i noticed that He stopped in the middle of the stairs and looked around for a moment before continuing. i figured it was finally sinking in that He’d not lost His home, that this was still His.

And then i had a toast. i toasted that we have had a wonderful time together so far, it really was wonderful, and that i realized that we had never been together without the divorce process, and i was looking forward to how much more wonderful it will be without that being a distraction. Maximus’ face screwed up, He covered His face, and a sob broke through His fingers that He was going to get emotional. And i began to cry. He was finally able to be emotional about my outburst and it pained me. i love Him for His honesty, “I just don’t understand how you could do something so stupid and go batshit crazy when I love you so much.” i just let Him continue. He did not berate me or belittle me, but shared His hurt and concern. We shared some very deep seated, heartfelt, honest things. We sobbed together. i shared that i brought His main Christmas present with me because i had expected to be asked to leave when i arrived and wanted Him to have it–that pained Him. And i shared that my meltdown had been based on false assumptions. i hadn’t wanted to talk about it until after mediation, and certainly not tonight, but it needed to be said. i told Him that i was afraid He wasn’t going to believe me, but that after we’d talked and after talking to The Englishman, i had come to peace with Ms. W. and that i was lifting my restriction about sleeping together, because i truly understood the dynamic. He was in utter shock, thanked me, and we sobbed in each others arms…until He shoved a finger in each of my nostrils to break our tension! “you’re stuck with Me, you do realize that don’t you?” He said. And i do realize that.

We went to bed, despite Maximus’ attempts to watch a movie (He could not stay awake, though He denied He was sleeping). i thought we would just sleep, but we ended up rubbing and stroking, telling each other we were going to sleep. We dozed off and i awoke stroking Him, which got Him aroused. i wanted to please Him unconditionally, didn’t want Him to please me back. For some reason, probably because of champagne and bourbon, i decided i would restrain Him using the bed restraints hidden under the mattress. He mocked and cooed as i did this. And He would NOT be quiet–He babbled and mocked incessantly. This irritated me so i got the crop and floggers and decided to show some dominance to quiet Him, which only set Him off more. i shoved a flogger handle into His mouth and started again. After a few minutes, i could hear that His babbling had changed into a sort of cry. He was saying over and over, “I just love her so much, all I want to do is hold her, all I want to do is hold her.” It was horrible! i have never felt so horrible and quickly went to His face and reassured Him, told Him i was releasing Him and that i was so sorry. i released Him and held Him as He fell asleep. i regret doing this and will always remember not to pursue BDSM while impaired.

i woke up early the next morning. i just couldn’t get back to sleep. i tossed and turned and ended up waking Maximus. Finally, after He fell back to sleep, i just got up. i made coffee and did some computer work. After about an hour i heard Maximus call downstairs from bed, “baby, are you ok?” i reassured Him i was fine, was just awake at my normal hour. He called down about 20 minutes later, “Please come cuddle with Me. I had a dream about you and rolled over to hold you and you weren’t there.” He’d dreamed we were laying on a beach, simply that, laying on a beach. We laid in bed and held each other. i apologized for the night before. We made love. He shared with me that the night before, while walking up the stairs, He’d realized, “This is really not a time to celebrate.” i agreed. i shared with Him that my thoughts about that and how what He thought was me “overthinking things” was my realization of that. He said appreciated that now, that He’d not realized that then.

He had plans to go swimming with Swim Guy. He asked what i wanted to do, suggesting i could go with them. i appreciated that, but i really wanted Him to be able to be alone with Swim Guy to talk about yesterday. i decided to go run instead. He told me, “I have plans for something when I get back, something romantic. Something before you go home today.” i inquired what i should wear, and He told me to dress warmly and told me we were going to a lodge near a waterfall. We went down, had some coffee and yogurt, played briefly on the leather ottoman in His office to replay a little bit of the scene before He met with His attorney, and then He headed out.

i packed and went for my run. The run gave me a chance to think about something He asked me the night before, something i was absolutely not prepared to answer when He asked. He asked me for feedback on when i thought He should tell His kids about me. His kids are all adults and they’ve picked up on the fact that He has someone in His life, but He’s not shared this with them. i’ve insisted that it wasn’t appropriate until after His divorce was final, and He agreed and honored that. When He inquired, He’d made a mention about possibly waiting six months. That seemed too long for me. i sorted my thoughts during my run.

It took much longer for Maximus to return than i expected. i figured that He had a lot to tell Swim Guy and just relaxed about it. It gave me a chance to pack up everything into my car, remake the bed, etc. i was on the couch with my laptop when He walked in, and He looked horrible! i thought something tragic had happened. “What’s wrong?!?” i gasped. “I bonked.” He quietly replied, and collapsed onto the couch onto my lap. He finally crashed, the thing i knew was coming. He’d lost it in the pool, got dizzy, unable to swim. Swim Guy helped Him out of the pool, helped Him get back together, and they went to breakfast instead. i stroked His hair and face while He laid back against me, wrapping my legs against Himself with His arms. i reassured Him that i loved Him, had been watching for this, knowing He was going to crash at some point, despite all His efforts not to, and that He was wonderful and safe. He insisted that He was going to continue with His romantic plans, just needed about twenty minutes’ nap–He napped in my arms and i’ve never loved Him more.

We went on our date. During the drive i shared my thoughts on telling His kids and we had a wonderful discussion about that. He took me to a beautiful lodge with an attic lounge and we got a table against a wall of windows overlooking the falls. It was magnificent. We ordered wine and lunch, and when the wine came, He toasted me and thanked me for supporting Him, not for this week, but for the entire time we’d been together. He shared how much that meant and how amazing it was that we have come through this week stronger for what happened with my meltdown. i realized He hadn’t thought that would happen. And He shared, “We are going to have an amazing life together.” We walked along the overlook trail for the falls, held hands, talked, loved each other. It was an amazing thing, and amazing start.

i drove home, leaving Maximus to sleep and regain Himself from His crash. And i realized, for the first time, i was driving home in complete calm, complete peace. There was no static, no underlying worry about attorneys, divorces, jealousy, just love. i still feel this today. We are just beginning.

Categories: BDSM relationship, communication, conflict, divorce, flogging, jealousy, mediation, relationship, relationship needs, riding crop, submissive, togetherness | Leave a comment

The Fox and the Bound

Continuing my weekend with Maximus…

Rope Harness
After taking a break from my punishment and reward, working on Christmas decorations, and talking, talking, talking, Maximus pulled out His new hemp bondage rope. We were going to our first rope bondage class, genital bondage, the next day. Maximus had been watching videos by Twisted Monk and wanted to try a body harness He’d seen.

It was AMAZING! He wove the harness on my naked body as i stood in the kitchen and could see my reflection in the stainless steel of His wall ovens. Not only did it look fantastic, it felt almost indescribable! It felt like a hug, being held by Him. The rope that went between my legs and up my back, running along each side of my clit and labia, cradling them, stimulating them. The rope vibrated as He continued to pull the rope ends through the harness and cinched against my sex when He adjusted out the slack and finished tying me up. And it was beautiful, really a work of art.

Unfortunately, we didn’t get any pictures of it because we got so aroused by the sight and feeling of it that Maximus took me upstairs to play in it! One of my favorite things was to have Maximus grab the diamond-shaped ring that was formed at my breastbone and pull me around by it–the rougher the better! He was so very careful with me, and i begged Him to be more aggressive. There was something about being trussed that made me want to be manhandled. And then we discovered how wonderful the groin ropes were! Maximus parted the twin ropes running along my labial folds to expose my dripping pussy and when He entered me, the ropes slid up and down the length of His cock, stroking Him. His face was fantastic in ecstasy! The ropes were slippery from my wetness and i discovered that i could reach down to the ropes at my Mons, grab them in my hand and create tension in the ropes stroking His cock. “Oh My GOD, it’s like the tightest pussy EVER!” He exclaimed. “It’s like a pussy extension,” i mused, and He just giggled! i experimented with the tension to discover His responses and also to prevent giving Him rope burns, especially since we had a couples date in just a couple of hours. At one point, He grabbed the harness and pulled and the whole thing shifted rapidly upward, harshly rubbing against my perineum and pushing the chest knot up into my neck. i was concerned about rope burn on my perineum and Maximus was very concerned about choking me. i reassured Him i was ok and we continued. Maximus flipped me over on my knees and fucked my ass, grabbing the ropes across my back, and came hard!

Having the rope removed was also enjoyable. There’s something soothing about having the rope slide across your skin…

After getting cleaned up, He brought out a new set of Ben Wa balls and inserted them into my pussy and they stayed for the duration of the evening, rattling and clanging inside of me.

BDSM Couples Play
We then went to Mountain Man and Sunflower’s house for a play date! Maximus and Mountain Man had communicated prior about scenes and Maximus and i talked about focusing on Sunflower, as i had a lot of focused play from Mountain Man when they spent the weekend with me and i wanted to make sure Sunflower received that in return for my appreciation. Maximus picked out my outfit, His favorite, short, flouncy, black leather skirt with red ribbon trim around the hem and in corset fashion on the front of each hip; sheer, stretchy top with Bandeau-style front, long sleeves that looped over my middle finger, and long tailed back that extended below the hem of my skirt; my gorgeous black stiletto boots with red ribbon lacing up each side; and my tail, of course! i felt so sassy and reveled in the fact that this was His favorite of my club outfits. When i came downstairs, He mentioned His fetish for bright red lipstick. i dug around in my purse and found some. Then, i remembered how much He adores seeing black mascara run down women’s faces when their eyes water up from gagging on blowjobs, so i asked Him if He desired me to slut it up some more, and He enthusiastically voted yes! i returned with dark goth eyes with heavy liner and mascara, rouged cheeks, fiery red lips, and mussed-up updo hair with curly tendrils that fell into my face and on my shoulders. “WOW!!” is all He could say.

Mountain Man and Sunflower were impressed with my sluttiness–they’ve not seen me in full slut before! Sunflower hit the shower soon after we arrived and i hit my knees in the living room, giving blowjobs to Maximus and Mountain Man. Maximus ordered me to deep throat them, and as i had a glass of wine, i kept vomiting wine into my mouth when i gagged, which was frustrating, but thoroughly amused them! When Sunflower returned from her shower she giggled and said, “Oh no, look at your eyes, your mascara has run down your face!” and i replied, “That was the point!” i held onto both Maximus’ and Mountain Man’s cocks, alternating between them, and then taking them both together in my mouth–oh how i love that!

We moved to the bedroom to watch Mountain Man tie up Sunflower. He did a “frog tie,” having her on her back with knees bent, binding her arms to her legs. Mountain Man did one side and Maximus learned by tying the other. It was magnificent! i watched as they played with her. Sunflower has a painful shoulder, so she needed to be released from the bondage and i was up next for play.

Maximus came behind me to enter me and i reached back to move my tail to the side so it wouldn’t get in the way, and it seemed like it was tucked somewhere. i kept feeling for it and finally realized…

Dude, Where’s my Tail?!?
My tail had broken off!!!! All i had was a 2-inch stub and the rest of my tail was on the bed–i was horrified! “Oh no!” i cried, “my tail, my tail!” i picked it up and held it against my chest. Mountain Man and Sunflower started teasing that i was a bobtail now, and i just couldn’t find it funny. Mountain Man told me to get over it, not realizing that it was really traumatic for me–i think he thought i was trying to play a baby role. Maximus, my ever caring and protective Dom, came to my rescue.
 

i was really glad that Maximus was there with me when this happened. i was really quite shaken by losing my tail. Even though i’ve only had it for a few weeks, my tail has become a part of my persona and losing it was like losing part of me, like losing an appendage or limb. Actually, it was like breaking Maximus’ body, as my body is His. i realized from this experience that acts or objects can become very special and others may not understand their significance to you or your Master, nor may you realize the importance of special things that others have. my tail is a cherished object, a unique and meaningful gift from my Master, not merely a sex toy, costume, or novelty item. i was also glad that Maximus knew first-hand that i had been careful with His gift and not been reckless or careless to break my tail off. And most of all, i needed Maximus at that moment. i was so upset and i needed support. Maximus scooped me into His arms and held me, reassuring me with His words and kisses as i hugged the broken tail into my chest. He understood what i was feeling.

After His reassurance, we returned to play and ooooooh, how we played! i was stripped from my clothing, keeping the boots on. Maximus asked me to get the clover nipple clamps so He could show Mountain Man and Sunflower “a trick” He’d learned on eXtreme Restraints University, the BDSM 101 videocast. He clipped the clamps to each aureola, behind the nipple (something we learned from the videocast, that we’d been applying them incorrectly to the nipple), and then brought the chain upward and told me to hold it in my mouth. He had clipped the clamps from the bottom, so bringing the chain up twisted my nipples up, very stingy! i had to crawl around on the bed with the chain in my mouth, answering yes or no questions by nodding or shaking my head, no talking; i was also forced to look up. They flogged me, used the riding crop on me, fingered me against the Ben Wa balls, made me beg for orgasms but not allow them until i looked up at Sunflower and she gave the ok. She thoroughly enjoyed being in control of my orgasms, especially in the denial.

While on my hands and knees, Maximus began fingering my ass and eventually had two fingers from each hand in my ass, pulling my asscheeks apart, and Mountain Man stuck his thumb in the middle–i had 5 fingers from three hands in my ass at once! Oh it felt sooo good! They then positioned me atop Mountain Man and DVP’d me, my favorite thing! There was a lot of ass play, anal fucking, cropping, and flogging. At some point, i was on top of Mountain Man in reverse cowgirl, riding His cock with my ass, Maximus with His cock and fingers in my pussy, feeling Mountain Man stroking in and out of my ass. I love my fingers in a woman’s pussy while she is getting fucked, it feels amazing to feel a cock slide against my fingers in the wetness of a tight pussy, and i’ve described that to Maximus. Later, as we all laid on the bed together, we all laughed that Maximus had essentially been stroking Mountain Man off during that, to which we teased, “it’s not gay if there’s a chick in between!”

i was moved to cowgirl and rode Mountain Man more. Maximus and Sunflower then flogged me unmercifully and got into fits of giggles about how red my ass was. They ran off to get their phones and snapped a ton of pictures, trying to get the best one to show off the red.

Eventually i was rolled over, Maximus pulled off the nipple clamps one at a time, allowing me to roil in exquisite pain of their release while Sunflower and Mountain Man watched. He held me in aftercare but then we got aroused again talking about everything and He fingered my pussy until i squirted over and over, hitting Him in the face and covering me.

We had a fantastic evening! And of course, made love when we got home, as we always do after play dates or clubbing, reaffirming our commitment to each other.

A Little Sex Shop Shopping
Before our class the next morning, we made a trip to the shop where Maximus picked up my tail, to see if they would exchange it for a new one. They did, which was super fantastic, and it brightened my day. i really was looking forward to wearing it to our friend’s birthday party next weekend and was really disappointed that the tail had broken the week before that. We looked around together and had a blast, not realizing until then that we’d never gone to a sex shop together before!

Maximus was checking out a case of crystal toys and motioned me over. He’d told me the day before that He wanted to “bejewel” me and i didn’t know what He meant by that. In the case were gorgeous crystal butt plugs with Swarovski crystals in the ends. i pointed out one that i found particularly beautiful and Maximus surprised me by buying it for me on the spot! i had no idea he was going to do that, i just knew it would please Him if i told Him which one i thought was beautiful.

Creeped Out
We then  headed out to the Genital Bondage class. Unfortunately, when we arrived, the location and appearance of the building and surrounding area was just so creepy that neither of us wanted to go in. i truly didn’t have any faith that either of our cars would still be there when we got out of the class in three hours. Maximus also wasn’t happy with the clientele He’d watched go inside, so we decided to for coffee instead.

During our coffee, we decided that we would continue to learn rope bondage with friends and online, and consider booking a private class in our home, perhaps with other couples. When it was time for me to leave for my trip home, i escaped into the bathroom of the coffee shop, inserted my new jewel and sexted the picture to Maximus sitting at the table. i rode the butt plug all the way home on my three-hour trip–and it will be a staple accessory for all long roadtrips from now on!

Categories: BDSM, D/s, Dom/sub, Dominant, flogging, fox tail, fox tail butt plug, jewel butt plug, nipple clamps, riding crop, rope bondage, rope harness, submissive | Leave a comment

First Punishment

i had my first official punishment this weekend and it was well-deserved. i had a playdate with CycloMed Thursday morning but failed to complete all the requests that Maximus had for me to do with him. Specifically, i was supposed to:

  • Be naked except for stilettos, position him in cowboy, straddle him, and lower my ass slowly onto his cock
  • Have only 16 orgasms
  • Mark the orgasms on my breasts so i could keep track, have CycloMed shoot his load between my tits and send Maximus a picture
  • Receive anal training from CycloMed

Well…we Skyped after CycloMed left and i told Him that i had failed to complete everything…i only completed anal training. i was weak and didn’t do what Maximus had asked. He laughed about it but then told me that i would be disciplined for it when i came up to see Him. i acknowledged that i understood that.

When i arrived, Maximus was nowhere to be found inside His house. His garage door was open and His car was there, but the Porsche that the Englishman is storing there was not. It was a little unnerving because i couldn’t believe that He would have taken off in the Porsche and left the house wide open. i honestly expected Him to pop out of nowhere to scare me and then punish me on top of that. What put me even more on edge was the fact that there were restraint systems set up all over His house, and that’s never happened before. Maximus had decorated for Christmas, but hanging down between garland from the balcony into the walkway by the great room were long sections of webbing with eyelets and clips. Upstairs in His bedroom, the ends of the under mattress restraint system were laid neatly on top of His duvet in spread-eagle fashion, with vibrators, rope, more restraints, and other implements of sex play placed on the nightstands and bed. His closet door was nearly closed and i was afraid to even look in there. As i walked downstairs with trembling legs and pounding heart, i saw that the draft pillow was at a 45-degree angle from the base of the front door and that the deadbolt was unlocked. i found Him outside stringing Christmas lights.

“Oh, you got here faster than I expected,” He said, untangling lights. “Come inside, there are things we need to do.” i agreed and mentioned i still needed to bring my things inside as i had come in to greet Him first. “Ok, but just bring them in, don’t get into anything inside.”

i got my bags and nervously giggled to Him as i walked through the great room, “i’ve not ever seen Christmas decorations like those before,” pointing out the restraints hanging down from the second floor. He followed me up to the bedroom and instructed me to put away the contents of my bag into my dresser drawers, telling me He had several things for me, rewards, but first i was to be disciplined. When i finished, He told me to take off my shoes, jeans, and panties, which i did carefully, folding them and putting them neatly away. He reached into the bottom drawer and took out the red satin-lined leather cuffs and placed them securely on each wrist. i realized that i had forgotten to use the bathroom when i arrived from my three hour drive because i’d been looking for Him in the house. i asked for permission to relieve myself, which He gave. When i returned to the bedroom, i knelt at His feet.

Maximus told me to stand, helping me to my feet, and led me downstairs, picking up the riding crop that i had laid across the corner of the bed, since it does not fit into my dresser drawer. He made me walk in front of Him, His hand in the small of my back guiding me. He stopped me at the webbing hanging from the balcony, told me to raise my arms and clipped each cuff into the rings in the middle of the webbing. He instructed me to open my legs wide, inserted a pulsing vibrator into my pussy, and ordered me to close my legs, not to come, and not to drop the vibrator out of my pussy. This made me whimper as He’d knowingly pushed the vibrator directly into my G-spot and closing my legs just intensified this. Once i was restrained, Maximus pushed my shirt up over the top of my bra and then pulled each cup down and shoved the material under my breasts, bracing each tit on a shelf, yet squeezed from the top by my gathered shirt. 

“you were a bad girl this week, gabriella. I’m very disappointed in you,” He told me. He grabbed the riding crop and tapped my nipples. “Tell me what you did.” As i explained my offenses, Maximus struck my ass hard with the riding crop multiple times. i had to continue with my list during my whipping. The pain caused my knees to buckle and hang by my wrists from the webbing. i had to stand back up to proceed. As i stood there taking my discipline, i realized i was standing in front of Maximus’ wall of photos of all His family and friends. It was absolutely humiliating to be tied up and whipped this way in front of them–it was as if their eyes were piercing me with complete disapproval. 

Maximus dropped the crop on the dining table and approached me. He sucked my nipples hard, rubbed my burning ass, then told me to open my legs. He pulled out the vibrator and pussy juices ran down my legs. He put the vibrator in my mouth, then His, and then rubbed it under His nose, “Oh you smell so good, gabriella. Let’s see how wet you are.” He put His fingers into my pussy and began pounding my G-spot, telling me to come for Him, sending me to my toes and into a squirting orgasm. He giggled and pointed out the puddle on the hardwood floor beneath me. He then walked away, put down the vibrator and started pulling off His jeans. They had been unbuttoned and unzipped during the whipping. When He pulled them down, His erect cock got momentarily caught in the waistband and then sprang back when it was released, sending a huge rope of precum toward me that landed on the wood floor at my feet–this was so awesome! After leaving His jeans in a pile on the floor, He walked toward me, His cock still drooling, dripping long strands of wetness in a trail from His jeans to me. Oh wow! i thought, i’ve never seen His cock so drippy with precum before!

Maximus kissed me hard, grabbing the back of my head with one hand, deftly unhooking my bra with the other, pulling it off and flinging it behind Him. He pivoted around me, grabbed me from behind and rammed His dripping cock into my pussy. i pulled on the webbing, bending forward as much as it would allow and pushing back on Him. i could feel Him stiffen, thinking He was going to cum, and then He pulled out. He jammed my G-spot with His fingers again, sending a waterfall out of me onto the floor, then He reached up and released my wrists.

“Come, gabriella, i want you upstairs. You have a reward.” He again placed His hand in the small of my back and started guiding me up the stairs. Halfway up, He stopped me, pushed my torso down and entered me from behind, fucking me on the stairs. i let my feet slide laterally, bracing them against the stringer on either side, my sex wide open to Him. i grabbed the treads in front of me, placing the side of my face on the cool wood as He fucked me. He pulled out before He came, helped me get upright, and started me up the stairs again. 

When we reached the bedroom, He pulled off my shirt, laid me back on the bed, my head buried in pillows. Maximus pulled off His shirt and climbed on top of me, slipped a hand behind my head into the nape of my neck, brought my mouth to His in a deep kiss and told me, “Now I’m making love to you,” before gently entering me. Maximus kept coming toward climax, then pulling out to lick my clit and pussy. i asked Him to come, as i could feel His orgasm building. He did this over and over, telling me that He was trying not to as we had a playdate with Mountain Man and Sunflower later that night, and that He could have come six times already. But He entered me again, telling me how wonderful His pussy felt, stroking faster and faster, finally succumbing to an intense shouting orgasm.

We laid together, stroking each other, kissing. Eventually Maximus rolled over and instructed me to get up and look in my dresser for a surprise. i asked which drawer and He simply advised me to check them all. In the second drawer was a shoe box. i pulled the box from the drawer, sat on the edge of the bed next to Him and opened it to find the most exquisite black lace over purple suede, purple-soled platform stilettos ever! “Oh Maximus, they’re beautiful!” i exclaimed. He had instructed me earlier in the week to select five shoes from Nordstrom.com that i thought would please Him and email Him the selections. This was one of those pairs, but they were just even more beautiful in person. He had gone to Nordstrom and looked at my selections and knew these were the ones. i slipped on the shoes and they were just perfect…amazing…just like my Maximus.

Categories: BDSM, D/s, discipine, Dom/sub, Dominant, flogging, reward., riding crop, rope bondage, submissive | Leave a comment

Expect the Unexpected

Oh Oprah, you have missed something for your Favorite Things list!

Oh my wonderful, beautiful, amazing Maximus, how He surprised me today!

i had ordered a pizza to be delivered for dinner tonight and when i answered the door i found not the pizza boy, but the UPS man with an unexpected package delivery for me. It was from Maximus! Inside were many wonderful things, including a G-spot vibrator (just like one that had been used on me at a recent swingers party that just drove me wild and Maximus adored watching me being pleasured with by two men), chained nipple clamps, gorgeous locking leather wrist cuffs lined with red satin, a strap-on harness, but the most amazing thing was a fox tail glass butt plug! Oh..My..Goddess! This tail is the softest, most beautiful, most sensual thing i’ve ever seen or felt in my entire life! i wanted to strip down in the kitchen where i opened the package and put it in, but then i realized my pizza should be arriving…and there was the doorbell!

The pizza box remained unopened on the counter and i ran upstairs with the foxtail to my boudoir. i lubed the glass plug and eased it into my ass…oooooh, that in itself is so wonderful, and then ran my hand down the luxurious length of the tail, letting it fall back silkingly against the back of my thighs. Heaven does not describe this.

i texted Him…”i’m breathless, i have the most beautiful tail.”

“This explains your text last week: Foxy Lady, Expect the Unexpected.

“OMG i want you here. i don’t want to remove it. love it. OMG.”

All i want is for Him to be here so i can rub my beautiful tail against Him, let Him spoon me to sleep like He does, with my tail against His cock, His hands on my breasts.

“i feel amazing. Can’t explain. Electric. And i didn’t think anything would surpass this morning’s feeling.” (more about this in a moment).

i take pictures in several positions, laying on my white fur rug, on my hands and knees looking between my legs at the tail hanging down, on my stomach with the tail draped over my thigh, standing in front of the mirror. i send pic after pic to Him. He is pleased. Then i try on outfit after outfit, enjoying how the tail looks peaking out from my hemline. It is heavenly!

i removed it only to pee. Will sleep with it tonight. Contemplating calling in sick to work tomorrow so i can wear it all day (i don’t have a job where it’d be ok to sneak that under my clothes all day, otherwise i would wear it for work), but as tempting as it is, i will leave the tail home and go to work and lust after it all day.

Maximus flogged and fucked me this morning before i left His house from a spontaneous overnight trip. Oh wow! He’d bought a large flogger with 1/2 inch wide strips of the softest, butteriest leather i’ve ever felt. He had me remove my pants and panties, leave on my knee high black socks and high heel black oxford shoes and lean over the couch. The new flogger makes a tremendous slapping noise but is so soft and gentle. He alternated using the new flogger with the smaller one He already had, which has narrow leather strips and a great sting. My legs trembled uncontrollably and jellied. i had orgasm after orgasm. i begged Him to flog me harder and He slowly increased the strength. Midway through He pulled off His jeans and slammed His cock inside my pussy and fucked me while still flogging my ass. Then He pulled out and rammed into my ass–Ahhh! i begged Him to pull my hair, and He flogged me, pulled my hair, and fucked my ass hard simultaneously, throwing me into subspace!

After He was finished, He pulled out, instructed me not to move, returned with a warm washcloth and cleaned my pussy and ass, rubbed down my butt cheeks. He smoothed lotion on my red buttocks, which intensified the sting as He discovered it contained isopropyl alcohol–this was amazing, felt like Tiger Balm or Icy Hot all over my ass. He stood me up and instructed me to get dressed and then giggled the most adorable giggle! i followed His instructions and dressed, and then He escorted me to my car. i didn’t regain my composure for 30 miles, in fact, was still dazed and jellied while fueling up my car during that first distance!

Freshly flogged ass cheeks

Oh my wonderful, beautiful, amazing Maximus. How it is my pleasure to serve you!

Categories: BDSM, butt plug, D/s, Dom/sub, Dominant, flogging, fox tail, foxtail, foxtail butt plug, submissive | Leave a comment

First Flogging

     We were concluding our discussion on our intentions, desires, fears, deepest demons on entering into our Dom-sub adventure together.
     “You’ve been a good girl, g. Stand.”
     As i stood from the couch He walked away to the black Coach bag embroidered with Fun Stuff in hot pink on the side.
     “Take off your shirt and bra, drop your jeans, and bend over the couch.” i obeyed, quickly shedding my clothing as directed. i was glad i had put on my new white panties with the sheer white lace backside that framed my ass so well and gave a peekaboo, see-through view. He’d not seen them before.
     “Oh, nice,” He cooed as he ran his hand over my ass cheeks and the lace. I stretched my arms out in front of me on the couch, prostrate, offering myself completely to Him. A quick slap to my left buttock sent shivers up my spine and jellied my knees. My swollen pussy, aroused with our conversation, pulsed, adding moisture to my already soaked panties.
     i feel His fingers at my hips tugging at my panties, pulling them down and shimmying them to my ankles. “Wider,” he instructed, guiding me to step wider, exposing my throbbing wet sex. “Oh, nice, goosebumps.”
     “You’re so wet,” as he slides first one finger, then a second into my wetness. He pulses His fingers into my G spot, my breath staggers, my arms push even more forward ahead of me, sending my ass upward. i’m on the edge of orgasm, about to squirt, and He stops, pulling His fingers out of my pussy to my face, “Taste.” His fingers are slick with my juices, thick and sweet, as they enter my mouth as they first entered my pussy, first one finger, then a second. Oh God, i taste good, sweet with wanting. i’ve been waiting for Him.
     i feel the flat leather lashes of the flogger trail slowly over my skin as He pulls it across my ass. He does this several times in both directions. i’m quaking. He then drags them upward from the back of my thighs up onto my ass, both sides, and finally, over my wet slit. “Oh, ” i moan.
     The flogger pulls away and i feel lashes adhered to my sex by my wetness, pulling me as they are removed from my body–it’s heaven. Then the lashes strike my buttocks, slapping, gentle, increasing in intensity. They move to vertical and hit my pussy, my clit. “Oh my God!” I drag my fingernails across the ridged upholstery. It repeats, varies, sticks to the juices running down my legs. His other hand rubs down my spine.
     He stops and i gasp. His fingers thrust into me, pounding my G, bringing me to the edge and pull away. His tongue replaces them, lapping my wetness, taking me nearly there and leaving. He grasps a handful of my long dark curly hair just above the nape of my neck and tightens his grip, pulling my head back, causing my mouth to open and kisses me forcefully, sharing His sweet mouthful. i suck his tongue. My breathing is erratic, my chest heaves, my body electric.
     His hands release my hair and rub down my spine once more and flogging again commences. More forceful. “Oh, yes.” i hear him exclaim. i feel his erection through his jeans as he presses himself against my hip. His fingers enter me again, taking me to the edge but not over.
     “Suck me.”
     i push myself up off the couch and kneel in front of Him and pull down his jeans that He’d unzipped, freeing his erection. He is hot, throbbing. i pull Him into my mouth and suck, swirling my tongue around His swollen head, teasing the triangle of skin at the sulcus that i know drives Him wild. His precum coats my tongue, slippery and wonderful. “Yes, play with my balls,” he breathes, and i take them into my mouth, one at a time, rubbing his cock with my hands, and eventually taking both in. i return to his cock and take Him deep into my throat, letting it gag me, knowing how much He loves to hear and feel me gag on Him.
     He pushes me back over the couch and i wonder if He will fuck me. His fingers run up from my pussy, His hand slaps my ass. “Ok. My God!” and He steps back, pulling His jeans up.
     i am breathless, quivering, ignited hearing His pleasure. We have a swingers party to go to in just over an hour. i can feel His want, love His denial for us both. He helps me up and kisses me. He asks me how it was and i am speechless, out of breath, i cannot form words as i try to describe the ecstasy of pleasing Him. He holds me up and i am adored, as i whisper, “unbelievably awesome.”

Categories: BDSM, D/s, discipline, Dom/sub, Dominant, flogging, submissive | Leave a comment

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