Monthly Archives: November 2015

Contract and Rules Updated

signing contract

One the the goals we had for our trip to Hawaii was to update our contract to reflect our M/s dynamic and incorporate rules we have and others Maximus wished to incorporate.  We’d talked a lot about the changes over the past month but we just needed some quiet time together in order to document them.

The final document has been uploaded on the BDSM Contract & Rules page, but i wanted to go through and talk about some of the specific changes we made and how they came about. We’ve had several amendments to our contract over the past three years and i don’t think i’ve ever documented changes from the original. i won’t talk about all three years of changes, just what we did with this amendment.

Fundamental Terms

Under Fundamental Terms, we added subsmissive’s serviceheart to the fundamental purpose of this agreement. It was always an aspect to our D/s and M/s, my need for providing service, but it’d not been documented. The Roles section was amended to include the description of our dynamic:

The Dominant (Master) and submissive (slave-slut) adopt a 24/7 Master/slave-slut (M/s) relationship in the style of Chief Executive Officer/Chief Operating Officer (CEO/COO).

It has taken us quite some time to figure this out and it was important to document it.

Commencement and Term

The Term of this contract changed as well. It has always had an expiration date, generally our GOT (Growing Old Together) anniversary (see GOT and  1st GOT Day). However, an expiration date does not match with the meaning of GOT and the essence of our relationship. It bothered me that our contract expired every year. We have clauses for review and amending the contract, so the expiration is not necessary for us.  We also added that this dynamic is 24/7, something we were living but had not documented.


There was one change under the Dominant section. We have both struggled with the wording of 12.10 even though we understood the intention of that line item. While i am Maximus’ property, we both wanted a clause that protected me from ever being the property of anyone else. Initially we had that i could not be loaned to another Dominant, but we’ve done that a couple of times, as was the case in Eagle Scout flogging me; and really swinging is just that, Maximus loaning me to have sexual relations with others, including those with dominant sexual characteristics. But, what we really want to say is i cannot be given as property to another Master.


Anticipatory service was added under the Submissive section. This is a very important aspect of my service, something i love to do and something Maximus very much appreciates. my goal is to make Maximus’ life run “as smoothly and effectively as possible,” as now noted under our Rules, and anticipatory service best achieves that. It would be distracting and disruptive for Maximus to have to direct and micromanage me, and a good COO utilizes leadership and decision making  so that the business operation runs according to the values and expectations of the CEO. This is what i do.

The final change in the contract reflects a greater emphasis on me addressing Maximus as “Sir,” but not in the presence of family, vanilla friends, or during other times that would bring negative attention to us. This was after much discussion and adding a little bit more formality but not implementing formal protocol, which Maximus does not have a lot of interest in.


There were more changes in our Rules, actually, additions. We’ve been operating with a lot of rules that had never been documented.

Obedience. As noted above, my goal of enhancing Maximus’ life was documented. In addition, it outlines negative behaviors that should be avoided, something Maximus believes i struggle with. i believe i am doing so much better on this than before, and i appreciate why it’s there.

Sleep. Maximus wanted to include that i ensure that He gets adequate rest and sleep, not just myself, as i am usually more aware of His needs in this area than He is. We also documented what i have been doing for years, preparing Maximus’ bed at night.

Also in this section is a clarification on sleeping arrangements with others. Maximus has no problem with us sleeping with others (actually sleeping, not a euphemism for sex), but He only wants to sleep next to me in those situations, no one else. He feels sleeping between me and another person dilutes His connection with me. In addition, while i don’t have a desire to play separately and Maximus does not wish to play separately Himself, He does encourage me to do so, but with the stipulation that i sleep (again sleep, not sex) alone when i ever do play separate.

Food. Again, documenting things we already do. i have been making green juice for Maximus most mornings and He recently requested that this be done every morning He is home. i don’t have to do it when He’s leaving for the airport at 4AM or if we’re traveling and don’t have access to a juicer. Additionally, Maximus has been working on a more “vegan-ish” diet when eating out and has requested that i help Him with menus by letting Him know what options are available for Him to order.

Clothing. He has had a rule since before i came into the picture that bras must be removed by 5:30 PM at His home. This had never been documented in our contract, and this amendment fixes that. There are exceptions to this rule in regards to the presence of family and friends, etc., and it also applies when we are on vacations.

Another rule we’ve operated under is my attire while traveling. i have always had to dress for first class travel, regardless of our fare class. Maximus looks for “Best of Show” when at airports or hotels, and it is His wish that i am “Best of Show” when i am traveling, whether i am with Him or not. Shoes are a particularly important aspect in determining show status, and my shoes must be selected accordingly for travel.

Sex. Maximus has not limited my orgasms to only Him, i.e., i am allowed to masterbate and orgasm. However, He recently required that i notify Him immediately if i do masterbate and/or orgasm away from Him and then document it in my journal. It has pretty much stopped my masterbation, though, and i know that is not His intention. i need to not be afraid of having to notify Him and journal about masterbating and orgasming away from Him.

Swinging. Again, Maximus would love for me to play separately even though He does not wish to do this Himself. This is reiterated in this section. Maximus has had several bad experiences with playing separately, especially with women who misunderstand sex vs. love, therefore He has chosen not to play separate to avoid unnecessary drama in His life.

Communication. Speaking in a respectful manner was added as well as documenting our morning salutations and evening valedictions that we have operated under for years.

Tough Love Clause. This is a very important addition to our contract. i actually used this before we ever discussed it.

This summer while we were preparing our backyard for installation of patio pavers, Maximus came around the house with a pick-axe and began to use that tool while barefooted. i was horrified! i politely asked Him to stop and put on a pair of shoes to protect His feet. He returned with sandals. i again asked that He put on real shoes, something that would keep Him from cutting off His toes should the pick-axe slip and strike His feet. He was incredulous and said it was fine. i replied i was going into the house and wasn’t going to be out here working if He wore sandals because i was not interested in watching Him cut off His toes. i’d never stood up to Him like this before, but i was really concerned about this poor decision and wanted to protect Him from it.

Well, He was irate about this! i’ve NEVER seen Him so upset with me!! He threw down the pick-axe, swore all the way into the house, slammed the back door. i stood there shocked, scared, even, about deliberately confronting Him. But He returned, carrying the largest, hottest pair of work boots He could find to wear in the 90-degree heat. i quietly remarked that He didn’t need such heavy boots, athletic shoes would suffice, but He insisted on wearing them. i let the battle end there and never mentioned it again as He wore those boots for the remaining weeks of our project.

Well fast-forward to a month ago. i’d pretty much forgotten about this. We were at a wine tasting with Swimmer Guy and his wife when the topic of “wives often knowing what’s best for husbands whether they like it or not,” came up. And to my shock and surprise, Maximus started telling this story, but added how He had actually hit His boot-clad feet four times during the project, so hard that He knew that He would probably have sustained great injury had i not insisted He wear Goddamned shoes, and hoped i had not seen it happen. Well i hadn’t! And certainly, i would not have gloated about it if i had.

We hadn’t thought about codifying this until i recently listened to Kayla Lords Loving BDSM podcast. One of her podcasts addressed Adding a Tough Love Clause to a D/s Relationship. i listened to it, but did not talk to Maximus about it until after He had listened to it as well. He brought up the pick-axe situation and explained that while He did not like it, He knows it was difficult for me to do and necessary for His health and safety. So, the Tough Love clause was added. And, i used it only once since we talked about it, before this vacation, only because it was really necessary–but it is not something i expect to use very often.

Interaction. While we don’t have formal protocol, i did feel like i needed some guidance on entering His office while He is working. i never know whether He is on a conference call without a muted line, deeply concentrating, or just sitting there! i needed a guideline for entering the room and announcing my presence without interrupting. He first suggested that i just walk in and stand next to Him, but i’ve done that and startled Him when He’s not heard me enter and then scared Him when He looked over, not knowing i was right next to Him! Lightly knocking and waiting for entry works the best for us.

Door opening and position when walking on sidewalks just codified something we’ve always done. While i am submissive and slave-slut, Maximus is a gentleman and cannot and will not undo His mother’s training.

Travel. Again, codifying existing behavior requirements. The clothing requirement caused some run-ins with TSA precheck as many of my heels have steel shanks. TSA precheck allows you to wear shoes during the scanning, but steel shank shoes triggers the alarm and requires an exit, doffing of shoes, and rescan–something that causes delay for me, Maximus, and worst of all, other travelers. Maximus cannot stand it when people delay other travelers and will not condone this of me. Therefore, i need to remove my shoes, even for TSA precheck, to avoid this, and do this without delaying others due to buckles or straps. Once through the scan, i need to quickly don my shoes again without delay. i pride myself of going through TSA and waiting for HIM at the end, ready to go.

Financial. We have several legal documents outlining finances, so it was not necessary to list it all here other than to note those documents apply. Additionally, this codified how i receive funds from Maximus and the fact that we will be working on a monthly budget, something i have requested since i moved in.

Annual Goals. This again is codifying something we already do, but Maximus wants me to be responsible for monitoring them and meeting quarterly to make sure we stay on track, rather than our haphazard review.

Signing the Contract

As is our tradition, we renew our contract when in Hawaii (see Renewed). i don’t think i journaled about our last contract renewal in Hawaii, however.

We have a special beach and tree where we sign our contracts. Our beach is at Kiholo Bay and we sign beneath a kiawe tree, a Hawaiian mesquite. The kiawefirst year, the tree was beautiful, leafy. Sadly, the second year, the tree looked very sad and like it might die, which is rare for kiawe trees, known for living up to a thousand years. Well, this year, yes, the tree has died! i was so sad and asked Maximus, “What do You think this means for us?” He replied, “That tree gave its life to us, so that our love and relationship live a thousand years.” Wow.

So we signed our contract under our beloved kiawe tree. Renewed again, for a thousand years…or more.

And we did something special to commemorate this signing, something i won’t be able to share for couple of weeks.

kiawe night

Beautiful kiawe tree under stars. Image from Big Island Traveler.

Categories: 24/7, BDSM contract, BDSM relationship, Kayla Lords, Loving BDSM Podcast, M/s, Total Power Exchange, TPE | Leave a comment

Reflections on Desire, Part 3


Kinky Desire

Last year when we went to Desire we didn’t really see much kinky, BDSM play. There was one collared submissive, a latex couple, a demonstration on flogging, but really we got the impression that kinky BDSM play wasn’t really a part of this group. It was fine, we’re happy to be just swingers.

But this year, as we’d been working on defining our M/s, we struggled with going just as swingers. We’d had a long enough break from Total Power Exchange (TPE) and we were looking forward to bringing ourselves back up to speed during this trip. As we talked about what to pack for the trip, however, we just felt we might isolate ourselves if we brought too many BDSM accouterments. We’d run into this before when Maximus had me wear my foxtail butt plug to one of M&S’s swinger parties…it just kind of creeped-out our friends.

So Maximus picked out our toys accordingly. We left my collar and cuffs at home and Maximus instructed me to get one of those elastic stretch tattoo necklaces that i could wear 24/7 to represent my collar. He felt i would be more comfortable with that anyway due to the heat. And we packed our Sportsheets cuffs and tethers. Maximus wanted our small and medium floggers, as well as our crop, as we saw there would be another flogging demonstration. Because we were hosting a sensory deprivation orgy, i packed all of our blindfolds, including my special leather one for me, and our feather on a stick. We had several dildos and vibrators, including two wands, the penis extender (mainly for us in our room as not to freak people out), and my new InJoyUs strapless strap-on because we had some strap-on play last year. We also brought rope and safety shears. The kinkiest toys we packed were my Bejeweled butt plug, clover nipple clamps on a chain, and nipple suction, all important devices for Maximus which He intended to use in our room.

However, shortly after we arrived, we realized there were a lot more kinky people at the Life on the Swingset Desire takeover this year! And we wished we’d brought our kinky toys. Not only were there kinksters, but several more people in D/s or M/s dynamics. This was exciting for us, as we wanted to talk to others about their dynamic and learn from them about their protocols, rules, et cetera. J.V. and Shara of Ending the Sexual Dark Age were there, as well as an M/s couple from California who manage a dungeon. Our friends from the last year, Eagle Scout and Mmmm, who we thought had a D/s dynamic, were actually going to be doing one of the flogging demonstrations with J.V.! Wow, had we underestimated the group this year!

There were several kink events. J.V. and Shara hosted several munches, and quite a few people attended. There was a kinky toy show-and-tell after the vanilla toy show-and-tell, and that was the first time we really realized we had made a mistake in not bringing our kink bag. And then there was the flogging demonstration and a kink salon hosted by J.V. and Shara.

The flogging demonstration was wonderful. J.V. discussed dungeon etiquette, consent, RISK and SSC, and types of floggers. But as soon as i walked in, i could hear jingling rings of collars worn by Mmmm and LodiPet, and my mood immediately dropped–i missed my collar. It was the same reaction i had when i went to Venus in Fur with AwesomeA, that sound triggers something in me. Eagle Scout demonstrated Florentine flogging on Mmmm which was beautiful to watch, and then J.V. flogged Ginger from the Swingset crew.

We did win a raffle prize–a gorgeous leather rose flogger. It really is

beautiful, so much so that i thought it wasn’t one of the options to choose from at the prize table! We’ve not used it yet, but i’m sure it will lead to a journal posting once we do.

Maximus was very interested in learning new flogging techniques from Eagle Scout. We had a great connection with him and Mmmm last year and this year picked right up where we left off. Maximus and i had discussed having Eagle Scout flog me and we’d also discussed this with Mmmm and Eagle Scout, to which they had also expressed interest.

We had a chance to do this at J.V. and Shara’s salon. The four of us were the first to arrive, giving us enough space to do this in their suite. i leaned forward, holding onto a ledge while Eagle Scout performed Florentine flogging while explaining it to Maximus. He offered Maximus an opportunity to try it out, but He’d had a few drinks and did not feel comfortable trying it under that condition. i was surprised, the flogging got fairly intense for me quite quickly. i knew from the demonstration earlier that he wasn’t even close to mid-steam. It seemed like the flogger was hitting in the same places at the lateral ends on my outer thighs, and i had to use my yellow safeword. Eagle Scout was surprised as well, as my skin hadn’t even gotten reddened or warm. After discussing it with Eagle Scout, Maximus and i both realized that we’d not done a lot of work on my backside other than short sequences of flogging, spanking, and the crop. The majority of the work has been on my breasts. Learning this, Eagle Scout did some flogging on my breasts, and while he was concerned about going too strong, it was barely registering on me and i wished he’d done more. Turns out he’d done very little breast flogging and was very nervous about it. i’d like more!

Maximus took me to the bed after the flogging and applied the nipple suction tubes. People were very intrigued. He worked them for about 45 minutes, pulling my nipples over an inch. We walked around and socialized, talked about the nipple suction and the nipple play that Maximus does, including pinching until i orgasm, nipple clamps with and without weights, clothes pins, and striking my clamped breasts with the crop. He removed the tubes, which didn’t have a lot of orgasmic or painful response since they’d not been on too long. Shara brought me over a towel and wrapped it around my shoulders and thanked me for sharing our scene, sharing that she could not have endured such nipple play. i was so surprised. i was truly honored that she thanked me for our scene, i was just humbled by her and her words. Several others, including Mmmm, LodiPet, and Ginger also expressed that they could not imagine such play. i realized that Maximus had succeeded in nipple and breast torture training of me, giving me great endurance. He noted, however, that it was obviously time to do similar training to my backside…

We learned a valuable lesson this year at Desire. We learned how important it is to be our authentic selves. Fear, and really, irrational fear, lead us to not bringing tools that allow us to fully express ourselves, and because of that, we missed out on some things that truly give us pleasure. i missed my collar and cuffs–i am so proud of them and what they represent, and i felt their absence. We will bring our complement of BDSM equipment next year, even if that means checking a third bag. We are among friends, among peers, among fellow kinksters. We are who we are, and although some people may not understand it, there are many who will and many who appreciate authenticity.

Categories: BDSM, breast torture, D/s, Desire, Dom/sub, Ending the Sexual Dark Age, flogging, J.V. and Shara, M/s, Sex resort | 2 Comments

Reflections on Desire, Part 2


A Fantasy Fulfilled

As noted in my last post, we had themes for our Afternoon Orgy parties at Desire. One of the themes, Eyes Wide Shut, was specifically for me. This fantasy was spurred by something i saw the first time i went to a swingers’ club, Club Sesso, in Portland (which is now closed). During that trip, we (my ex-husband and i) encountered a man leading his wife around the club–wearing a man’s blazer, stiletto heels, and blindfolded. He would set her someplace, in our case, the orgy bar, and invite people to come play with her. The stipulation was that no one was supposed to let her know who they were, during or after playing with her. He invited us to play with her, but it was just too uncomfortable for me at that point in my swinging, so i declined, however, One Guy went and played with her tits.

That memory has stuck in my mind for all the years since that night. It disturbed me at first, and for a while afterward. i think the thing that bothered me the most when thinking about myself in that position was that i didn’t actually trust One Guy. i really didn’t. i didn’t trust that he’d make good decisions about the people playing with me or how they played with me.

i encountered another similar situation with Maximus three years ago at Kinkfest. i can’t believe i didn’t write about it in my post, Being Kinky, as it triggered feelings again. In this Dungeon scene, a woman was naked, blindfolded, her arms bound at the wrists and pulled up over her head and tied to a scaffolding. On the scaffolding was a sign asking people to play with her, instructing people to don exam gloves and use lube for any clit or pussy play. Her master was standing near her, watching out for her. Once again, i declined to play, still unsure of how i felt about it, but watched Maximus play a little with her.

These two scenes have rolled around in my head for years. i know i had trust issues. But after being with Maximus and really trusting Him, i became more and more intrigued with the idea. We have done sensory deprivation play together, which i love. i love being blindfolded in scenes and visually not knowing what is coming, using only my hearing. But i really love having my ears plugged while being blindfolded, really not knowing what is coming next and actually hearing a cock slamming into me internally, it’s the craziest, most amazing sound! We’d actually done some sensory deprivation play with Sunflower and Mountain Man, and also at one of M&S’s house parties, but i knew the identities of who was playing with me.

When we were coming up with orgy themes, Maximus and i started talking about including sensory deprivation play. And suddenly, the idea of it really turned me on. i asked if we could have a scene for me where i was blindfolded, ears plugged, Him near as a gatekeeper watching over me, where people, men and women, could come play with me. The catch was that i couldn’t know who they were, during or after, and when they were done, they were to sign their name on my body with markers.

So the day came for the Eyes Wide Shut orgy. i was so turned on. my pussy literally dripped down my legs as we were walking upstairs to the hot tub area! i sat on the bed and Maximus and i reviewed the scene. He asked if there was anything i did not want to happen during the scene and i asked that all cocks needed to be in condoms for intercourse (including His so i could not determine whether it was Him fucking me or someone else), no anal, and no men cumming in my mouth. i also asked Him to use His judgment to decide who had access to play with me. He agreed and said He’d be no more than four feet away at all times. He blindfolded me and i put the earplugs in and laid back on the cool sheets of the hot tub beds.

i laid there for a long time with the breeze gently caressing my body. It worried me that no one was playing with me, no one touching me. i worried that maybe we had set up a scene that was too scary for others. i spent a lot of time in my head worrying about it. i asked Maximus if we were freaking people out and He removed an ear plug and replied, “there is a lot of interest, be patient.” Ah, this scene was about learning to be patient, something i struggle with, and Maximus is helping me to learn.

Finally, i feel hands. They tweeked my nipples, caressed my body. A mouth, lips, tongue, nibbling teeth. And then they were gone. But then, a sensation of cold, wet, scratchy-tickling–the marking pen inscribing my skin! It tickled, i giggled and wiggled! Another mouth, this time kissing me. Fingers on my clit and in my pussy…then a cock fucking me. Another tickling signature. Over and over, mouths and fingers, exploring, pinching, caressing, and then tickling signatures. After the signatures, i felt my legs positioned, opening my pussy toward what i knew was the gawking eyes of those in the hot tub–Maximus was displaying me. No more worrying, no thoughts or concerns about who or what, just reveling in the sensation–the breeze, the touches, the freedom of not having to choose or control. It wasn’t subspace, but freespace, i guess, something just below, being carried on a breeze, fully enjoying sensations, but still present.

i had thoroughly enjoyed myself and it was time to conclude our scene. All of a sudden i got hot and told Maximus i was ready to be done. He sat me up carefully, held me as He removed my earplugs but left my blindfold on. He stood me up and told me to stay holding onto one of the bed posters while He left to get a towel to wrap me in, but my knees were buckling, so i gently knelt onto the ground, still holding onto the poster. He wrapped me in the towel, gave me a sip of water, helped me up, and walked me blindfolded down the many stairs and back up to our room. It was there that He finally removed the blindfold and revealed my marked up body in the mirror:

Wow! There were a lot more signatures than i expected! And, because it tickled so much when people signed, i looked like i’d been attacked by a 6 year-old with markers! i couldn’t read the signatures, had no reference to know who was who.

After some time regaining my composure, Maximus took me back up to the hot tub, this time not blindfolded. He had me wander through the crowded hot tub to feel everyone’s eyes on me. Some people asked about it, about what the ink marks all were about. A lot of those reactions were good, interested, some had seen from a distance but not understood what was going on. Many were friends, and i wondered if they were owners of some of the signatures and were just acting like they had no idea so i wouldn’t know they had played with me. Some were uncomfortable about it, like i had been years ago, so i understood. Some thought it was non-consensual and that had concerned them until i explained the consent process and agreements Maximus and i had made prior. Many others said nothing, gave me odd looks, turned away. It was interesting to me, this range–all the feelings i had felt over the years were being displayed in this hot tub.

Maximus agreed to let me go back to the room and wash off the signatures. The colors ran down my body and swirled onto the floor of the shower. It had been a marvelous scene.

Categories: Desire, Orgy, patience, sensory deprivation play, Sex resort, submissive, Swingers resort, trust | Leave a comment

Reflections on Desire, Part 1


Maximus and i just returned from Desire Rivera Maya after a fantastic week of hedonism and connection. It was our second trip there, again with the Life on the Swingset takeover, which we attended last November. We love this group, and we will be going again next November when the group takes over the ENTIRE resort. Desire feels like coming home. It is so freeing to be ourselves, be naked, dress up in costumes, be sexy, and have fun.

The resort itself is very nice, the grounds kept beautifully, food is super, and the rooms are adequate and what you’d expect for Caribbean Mexico (i’ve stayed in several SCUBA diving resorts and this is much better accommodations than those). Our room this year was just below the hot tub, which we were disappointed about initially, but it proved quite convenient for providing power to the play beds above when we found the only outlet upstairs was dead. We preferred being off to the edge of the resort last year, closer to the beach where we could hear the ocean. And, that room had a glass door and covered front balcony with tables and chairs, so we met more people that way–this room had a solid door down a dark hallway with a private lanai overlooking the entrance to the resort, so we felt rather isolated. We reserved our old room for next year.

This year we hosted the Afternoon Orgy. The Afternoon Orgy came to being last year when by day four we realized despite all the partying and playing we’d done, we’d not had sex–not even with each other! We had met all kinds of wonderful people, partied it up and danced until 3 AM until we collapsed, exhausted in our bed and slept in until late morning. We’d been too tired for sex! So we were having lunch that fourth day with friends, describing our experience, when i said, “Really, we just need to have sex in the afternoon when we’re not so partied out and tired.” Our sexy friends replied, “That sounds great, how ’bout we join you?!” to which we enthusiastic responded, “Yes, let’s make it an orgy!”

The Afternoon Orgy is held at the beautiful covered beds up at the hot tub area–one of the only public places you can have sex unless you have a complete takeover and can adjust some of the rules. You can have sex there or the Sin Room, which is a play room off the disco with a sex swing and Liberator chaises, but the air conditioning can be so cold in there that it’s difficult to play. We love the hot tub beds anyway, they’re just beautiful with white cotton drapes blowing in the Caribbean breeze, music, a bartender, and people coming by going to the hot tub and even joining in!

To make it fun and interesting, we came up with some daily themes for the orgies. Initially, Sparkle and Italian Stallion were going to host with us and helped come up with some of the scenes, but they were unable to attend this year. The themes we had were:

  • Desire Rocks! – Play with PopRocks (well, it sounded like a good idea, but the humidity instantly turned an open package of PopRocks into a congealed mass!)
  • Eyes Wide Shut – Wear a blindfold if you desire for some sensory orgy play
  • “Y”–Not!! – XX chromosome play (girls only!!) — guys, you can watch
  • The Power Hour – We’ll have a power strip or two, bring your power toys!
  • Sex Imitates Art – We brought body paints that glowed under a black light and made the sheets our canvas. It was the Neon Party that night, so people really enjoyed having some glow paint to accessorize their costumes with.
  • Desire Rocks Again – so much that you’ll want to do it again (without the PopRocks!)!

It was super fun! We so enjoyed meeting people who came to the orgies. We had to adjust the times from our initial plans as 1:30 PM was just too hot to play up there and there were a lot of Swingset activities we wanted to attend during that time. It was a lot more work on us than we expected, however, which surprised us. It started as a way for us to have spontaneous afternoon sex, but turned into a scheduled thing. It would be nice to have another couple or two to help coordinate, which was the initial plan with Sparkle and Italian Stallion. A few days we just showed up, set out props, and left! Amazingly, people were waiting for it to start and it was just wonderful to come up later and see all these sexy people having amazing sex!

We’ve already had requests for it to continue next year and some ideas already coming in from others, including a Bi orgy! Who’d of thought our horny-selves would’ve started such a thing!?!–well, i guess for people who know us–nobody’s surprised at all!

My reflections on Desire are going to take more than one post, it appears. So i’m going to break it down into parts.There’s more to come on having a fantasy fulfilled and so much kinkiness that happened this year.

Categories: Desire, Orgy, Sex resort, Swingers resort | Leave a comment

Our M/s

As i mentioned earlier, Maximus has tasked me with researching M/s relationships to help guide us in updating our contract and writing rules and protocol. The thing that was very glaring to us what the fact that Maximus does not have the need or desire to dish out corporal punishment for discipline. Don’t get me wrong, He loves punishment for fun (Funishment) as part of our sex play, but it is not a part of His discipline and He does not wish to make it a part of His leadership, dominance, or mastery.

i have been doing a lot, and i mean A LOT of reading. One book we found helpful was Paradigms of Power: Styles of Master/Slave Relationships edited by Raven Kaldera. This book is a collection of essays from masters and slaves in M/s relationships describing their style of M/s. While reading these essays, our M/s style most closely aligned with the Modern-Day 1950s M/s Household; Roman Slave-Advisor; Ancient Models, Modern Integrity; Captain of our Ship; and the CEO/COO Model. Let me elaborate.

Modern-Day 1950s M/s Household

In this model, the man is the Master “head of household” and the woman is the submissive slave homemaker (the genders can be reversed, but are generally along this line). The Master works and the slave keeps the home–think Leave it to Beaver. The slave has great value for keeping the household running and is very well-kept herself. Many 1950s M/s relationships include modernized 1950 fashions for the slave.

Our M/s is similar to this as Maximus is the breadwinner/head of household and i am the homemaker. Maximus does act with common chivalry of that age in terms of politeness and actions. We don’t, however, continue along with 1950s fashions, and Maximus values my leadership and career experience as a springboard more than would be present in a typical 1950s relationship. But, there are definitely pieces present in our M/s.

Roman Slave-Advisor

This model has the slave as a trusted household slave, companion, or advisor whose duties are to run the household, much like in the 1950s model. However, the slave often has valuable skills the Master needs, such as art, business experience, financial training, etc., and does these without a lot of micromanagement from the Master.

This is definitely a part of our dynamic. Maximus relies upon me to assist Him in areas of my expertise, such as correspondence, spelling, PowerPoint, research, leadership issues, etc. He finds my skills extremely valuable to Him and utilizes them nearly daily. i am a valued advisor.

Ancient Models, Modern Integrity

This expands on the Roman Slave-Advisor model in identifying the difference between how Roman slaves were treated differently than slaves of the American South. Roman slaves were prized for their skills and “human beings who happened to be slaves, not lesser creatures” rather than chattel.

The value of the slave is important to Maximus. For Him, i am prized, valuable, and not a lesser being, but in service to Him.

Captain of our Ship

In this model, the master is the captain of the ship/household and the slave is the first mate. The captain is is responsible for the ship and the crew and makes decisions accordingly. The first mate carries out the captain’s orders, but is really second in command, competent, important. As noted in the book, “The ship’s captain is not served by his first mate, the captain is assisted by the first mate.”

This again mirrors our M/s. i assist Maximus. i am respected to be intelligent, capable, and able to steer the ship/household in His absence. i know His orders and can keep the ship/household running without constant micromanagement. We like this model, but the identification of captain is difficult for me due to my past career and confuses our mindsets.


The CEO/COO model follows corporate structure, in that the CEO leads the business, in particular the interface with the external aspects of the corporation, and the COO takes care of internal operations. “The COO (slave) is responsible for taking care of the CEO (Master), and the CEO is responsible for taking care of the company that also includes the COO.”

This model very much aligns with our M/s structure. Maximus is an extremely skilled business leader and has been for decades. He is comfortable and highly capable in this arena, and therefore it translates well into our M/s. i love to serve, it is integral to my being, therefore serving Maximus by taking care of all internal operations so He can manage His business and our household company unimpeded makes me happy and complete.

Maximus is the head of our household, our ship/corporation. i am His prized and valued advisor who makes sure His needs are met and that He is able to work without the ups and downs of daily operations do not impede His progress. He is my boss, my captain, however, and i do function under His expectations. He does not lead by corporal punishment.

As Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny note in their book Real Service, an M/s relationship does not have to be based on roles, punishment, or high protocol–it can simply be “where one has dedicated a substantial portion of their time and energy to the service of others.” Our M/s is Our M/s. It functions by us, for us. It’s not necessary for it to fall into someone else’s category and there’s no M/s police coming by to make sure we are doing it in some preconceived way. It is our and works for us. It is comforting that this is the case. Important that it is ours. This is important for us to remember as we rework our contract, incorporate rules, and develop protocol. We don’t live other people’s kink–we live ours.

Categories: BDSM relationship, Joshua Tenpenny, Living M/s, M/s, Raven Kaldera | Leave a comment

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