Monthly Archives: July 2014

Dinner and a Movie, Please Sir

Oh my goodness! i’m so excited and i can’t call Maximus to tell Him what i found because He’s in the middle of the California wilderness on a backpacking trip until Wednesday!

i found Venus in Fur….the MOVIE! As you may know, i’ve seen this play twice, read the book, and i’m so stoked that it’s been made into a film! It doesn’t appear to be playing here yet, but as soon as it shows up…there’s going to be a Maximus and gabriella date!

It’s filmed in Paris, in French with English subtitles, which i love! Here’s the official trailer

Categories: Venus in Fur | Leave a comment

Tired subby

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i’m one tired subby right now. i headed up to Maximus’ Tuesday morning with a load of stuff to move in. After some lunch, we moved the things in and while Maximus worked, i worked on moving things, redecorating, moving beds, and getting the guest room/my office rearranged to store stuff as i move things up. i made dinner after a trip to the grocery store and we watched our new favorite show, Masters of Sex (we’ve just started Season 1!!). And then we crashed.

The next morning i attacked the patio area where we will be adding my piano room on in the remodel. i pulled out all the plants, moved trellises and pots, and got things cleaned out. That evening we got cleaned up and headed up to our swinging club. We hadn’t been for so long that we had to go through orientation again to renew our membership. We were both tired and it was over 90 degrees out, making the un-air conditioned club stifling. As our goal was to get re-orientated, we went home after the presentation, watched some more Masters of Sex and crashed!

The next day Maximus worked and i did school work. i was scheduled to go to a women’s swinging meet up, but there were only three of us signed up and the host was not feeling well, so we bagged it.

Friday, i came home early due to a scheduled freeway closure that night (i’ve had two 5-hour trips home, rather than the usual 3-hour trips, due to freeway closures and i was not about to go through that again!). i ended up selling and giving away most of my furniture Friday and today when i got home, which is great for getting ready for the move! But i am soooo tired!

Tomorrow is a break, but i’ll be back at it the rest of the week. It will be good to be occupied as Maximus is heading to the wilderness for His annual backpacking trip with His brother and will be off the grid until late Wednesday.

It’s happening! As soon as the house is rented…full time submissive housewife! And i can hardly wait!

Categories: BDSM relationship, submissive housewife | 1 Comment

Gag Me!

deepthroatingOne of Maximus’ many favorite things to do is to make me deep throat Him or to face fuck me. He particularly loves it when i gag. The sloppier it is, the better, especially if there are strings of saliva, streams of mascara tears, and lots of spit.

Last night we had some deep throat sessions. But it was after we watched a movie with popcorn and two bottles of champagne…

…which i puked all over His cock!! So embarrassing!

He was very sweet and cleaned it and me up.

But i see some more practice cumming my way!

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , | 1 Comment

BDSM Contract Page

i’ve uploaded our Contract onto the BDSM Contract page link finally. i will keep this updated if we make amendments. Everything is there except Appendix 2, the activities list, because we need to go through it and update. Feel free to use as a base for yours, if desired.

BDSM Contract

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A Little Lube

maximus

Maximus and i got a little off track the last few months. It wasn’t intentional, it just kinda crept up on us due to my illness, inability to have sex for several months, stress of what to do about the future, etc. The D/s component just faded. Sex became really vanilla, no toys, no scenes. And by vanilla, i mean occurred primarily at night when we went to bed or in the morning when we work up and consisted of Maximus rolling over on top of me, putting His cock inside, quickly fucking me, and we were done. i wasn’t aroused, it wasn’t enjoyable, and i even started requesting not to have sex, which i had never done…and is not even allowed in our contract.

But we weren’t following our contract in other aspects either. Our D/s isn’t just about sex, it encompasses all aspects of our life. i was getting very unhappy with this but didn’t know how to bring it up, or really just didn’t want to, i guess…until life made sure we did.

Maximus had been traveling and during a call said He had some things to talk about, something about our swinging sites and something funny. He started in about our swinging sites and i just listened. After about 15 minutes, it was apparent to me that He was dissatisfied with our (lack of) swinging but not coming right out and saying it forthright. i was getting the impression that He was fishing to play separately and i was really concerned that He already had, something that we had agreed not to do and had amended in our contract. i asked Him about this and He replied, “Well, it does say in our contract that I can, so I see no problem in going to [the club] on my own.” Well i was horrified! i knew this was not the case, that it was not in our contract. And furthermore, i was devastated that He had not displayed any interest in playing with me in our pre-hysterectomy manner and now was looking for playmates at the club instead! i had told Him He was free to do that, play separately, but that i was not able to be in a relationship like that–it was His decision. i wasn’t ending the relationship, but i really could not continue like that and was putting the decision in His hands, willingly. i ended up telling Him i needed to get off the phone because i was too upset to talk civilly.

i went to my computer and found our last amended contract (from August 2013!) that struck out the clause about playing separately and found that we’d not finallized or signed it (WTF!) . And i went back through the blog to see when we had discussed not playing separately and what we’d agreed upon, finding it documented in Wounded Birds, Don’t be a Douche, Playing Together, and Red Bottoms. i re-emailed Him the contract and the link to my journal blog post with some terse words that “if we’re going to talk about the contract, i would appreciate if You’d use the latest version rather than an old one” and that He should refer to our discussion and agreement from August about not playing separate that i’d documented in the blog.

What made me the most upset was that i suddenly felt like i couldn’t trust Him, couldn’t trust that He would remember our conversations and agreements and just go with whatever He felt like doing. i felt He was playing a game, using an old contract as an advantage to get what He wanted instead of going with what we’d agreed upon. And it wasn’t just that we’d agreed upon it, i had taken the wording about playing separately out of our swinging profiles and hidden our individual profiles as He had requested i do after we’d make that decision–i knew He knew we’d made that decision!

Maximus was traveling and i was working and weren’t going to be together alone for over a week to be able to discuss this. What was worse, is that during that week we were going to be together, we’d be with my mother for a family weekend. i just couldn’t tolerate having that hanging over us. So we ended up talking for hours over the phone while i was working the next evening and sorted things out.

He said He was thinking about playing separately and got the contract out to check if that was ok and found, in the contract He had filed, that it was ok. He thought we had agreed otherwise, but couldn’t find any contract stating that and didn’t think about looking through my journal. We agreed that we needed to go through the last amendment, see if we had changes to make, as it seemed there were issues, and agreed to do that the next time we were alone together. He also agreed to not play separately as it was clear we had decided months ago not to do that.

i brought up my concern that He was wanting to swing with others rather than have sex with me. i described my dissatisfaction on how things had been going sexually and we ended up with a very good discussion. He had been worried about hurting me, physically, after my surgery, so sex kind of waned, even when i was released to have intercourse. We’d gone to a swinger party two weeks after my release and it was just too intense for me, which led us to leave the party–this put the brakes on for Him. Me, feeling the brakes, made me feel not sexy or desirable, and the radical change in our sex led to loss of arousal. Self-perpetuating problem. Even while we were in Hawaii, despite bringing all our toys, we still had this vanilla sex, until the last day when i requested He do a scene. i was very aroused and the scene went great, but we reverted back afterward. Maximus understood. i shared it was wonderful to be taken, to have Him roll over and fuck me, and was His right as my Dom; but if this is the only thing we do, it just doesn’t work for me, i don’t feel cherished or appreciated, and don’t get aroused.

i also shared that i would have appreciated if He had initiated a dialogue with me about these issues rather than start in on them and dump them on me all at once. i really did feel dumped on. He said He’d thought about that, but thought it wasn’t necessary, but now realizes it was.

We felt like we’d communicated a lot, i felt trust come back. We had our weekend with my mom and things were okay. The next weekend Maximus came down. i requested He come so we could have some alone time together and work on our contract, reconnect, etc. Soon after we were together, Maximus started sharing about a podcast He’d been listening to on His way down, Communication is Lubrication: Scripts For Your Sex Life, by Sex with Emily. He shared that He’d learned about the importance of lube for women. i stopped Him and asked Him why it took a podcaster talking about this to get Him to realize this when His ex, J, had told Him over and over “spit isn’t lube,” we’ve talked about it, and i’ve requested lube. i felt slighted, again, “why is He not listening to what we talk about?” i thought.

It turned into a battle. He needed to work on work stuff, all day and we only had less than two days together. i didn’t feel like a priority, was disappointed that our weekend to get together to talk and sort things out was going to be taken over by Him working. i said, “You might as well have not come down if You’re just going to work all the first day.” Well this made Him upset that i was “kicking Him out again,” which i wasn’t, i was just making a point that if He didn’t have time to spend than maybe we should’ve found a different time, as i had made time for us. He started packing and we were both angry. Finally i got Him to understand i was not kicking Him out. We agreed to table the discussion for a few hours so He could finish some work and then we would talk.

His work actually only took 30 minutes. And then we sat down and went over the amended contract we’d never finalized months ago. i started reading it aloud, line by line, and lo and behold, all the things we felt needed to be added or changed in the contract were already that way in the amended contract!! It had been so long since we’d gone over the contract together that we’d forgotten what was in there and what our agreements were. It is embarrassing to admit.

During our discussion, we realized that we have a great contract, it says everything we need, we just need to get back to living it. While i would never tell Maximus, because it’s not my place, even though i wanted to tell Him, i need Him to be the Dom, i need Him to continue my training, i need the boundaries enforced if i step out of line. Maximus came to this conclusion on His own when we went through the contract, He said it was quite evident that we’d stopped living the intent of the contract and our D/s. Again, nothing against anyone…i got sick, it made it blurry on how to operate D/s with my illness.

So with a little lube…communication, we’re back on track. We have an excellent contract, we have an excellent D/s relationship. Honestly, we’re not all conflict. i tend to write about it because it’s important for me to do this to digest and move on, and to remember how we got to where we are. There are so many great things, things before, things now, and things in the future. Together we are so amazing!

 

Categories: BDSM contract, BDSM relationship, communication, playing together, relationship, Sex with Emily | 1 Comment

Getting Back on Track

i so apologize for being absent the past few months. my illness and recovery has been an adventure, to say the least. Lots has been going on, mostly with me trying to figure out my future.

This past year i have found myself more and more dissatisfied with my career. Right before i got sick, Maximus and i had a heart-to-heart about it and i had decided to prepare to head back to school to make a career change into a medical field. In fact, right after my surgery, as in three days after my surgery, i started three undergraduate courses in that pursuit. However, things at work, as in a big project i rocked while working light duty, made me reconsider that and i decided to do some things to make myself more marketable for administrative positions in my field. my hope was to get a position in Seattle and then Maximus and i would be together. However, i’ve not been able to land a position and in the process, i’ve discovered that i really don’t want that position anyway.

But what i want is to be happy, and i’ve not been happy with my career. And i’m not happy being apart from Maximus.

We went back to Hawaii the end of May/first of June, back to our favorite place in Kona. i was fairly miserable, feeling obligated to work on a huge work project that i was not enjoying but unable to get myself to do it–to the point of feeling ill. While enjoying drinks at a beach bar, Maximus and i were sharing dreams of living in Hawaii, He working and traveling from there, me just being His sub, retired, happy, when He said, “you know, we can totally do that now. you don’t have to work.” i wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that, and actually wasn’t sure i even heard Him right. So i just didn’t respond.

But two weeks later, i brought it up. And after some soul searching and evaluation of finances, we’ve decided to do just that! i’m retiring. i’m getting my house ready to rent, packing up my stuff, and heading to Seattle. i have no plans, no idea what i want to do, going to let the universe decide. Maybe i’ll find a new career in a month, maybe it’ll be a year, maybe i’ll just be Maximus’ full-time sub. But what i do know is that i’m tired of being miserable.

It’s exciting, because i’ve never done anything like this before. i’ve never not had a plan. i’ve never not worked…since i was 14 years old! And i’m really looking forward to the break.

And i so appreciate Maximus and His strength, His faith, His support, and desire for me to be happy. i couldn’t do this without Him and i am so grateful.

i’m going to be blogging again. The distraction of figuring out my life dissipating. And there is so much to talk about.

Here’s to an amazing future!

Categories: BDSM relationship, D/s, Dom/sub | Leave a comment

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