Monthly Archives: November 2016



Maximus and i have tried a couple times to go to munches, and we’ve always backed (chickened) out at the last minute…even twice sitting in the car watching people go inside and then deciding just not to go in. The first time was in a scary part of town, and we let that influence our decision as we didn’t want to leave our car unattended! The second time we watched a whole bunch of folks go inside and then come out and start chain-smoking in a big circle at the base of the stairs, and smoking is a big turn-off for us. Other times, we didn’t even get out of the house, finding excuses. But after Desire and talking to like-minded folks, we decided it was time to get our feet in the door, literally!!

Searching on Fetlife, i found a munch in our town, at a restaurant we like, even! The dress code was Daywear (no fetish please), and as Maximus has a clothing requirement for me i wore dark skinny jeans, a black V-neck blouse, my day collar (David Yurman chain necklace), and Michael Kors stiletto boots. Note, i’ve worn stilettos to this restaurant before, when Maximus and i met RunnerGirl and her husband for dinner before Maximus took me and RunnerGirl to go see Kinky Boots, and i slipped and fell on the slick floor, so i was a bit nervous about wearing stilettos there again–but i have a dress code to adhere to.

i’d done some reading about going to munches and most said if you were new to arrive at the beginning, not after itimg_1235 was underway, so you didn’t feel so conspicuous. So we went a little early and hit NO traffic, so arrived much too early. Fortunately this restaurant is at a shopping center so we did a little Christmas decoration shopping…and got covered in glitter….smooth. We weren’t sure where to go and the hostess was very occupied with a near-upset patron, so we waited patiently to be shown to the room the munch was held. There were about six people already there, all around one of four big tables, and they made room for us to sit. The hostess was in a deep conversation with a man who was showing pictures of women in ropework on his phone. It was really awkward, as she was to my right at the end of the table, the man was across from me, and Maximus to my left, so i felt trapped in their private conversation and unable to leave! The man’s partner was talking to another person at the other end of the table. Fortunately one of the waitstaff came and offered snacks and took our drink order. Eventually the hostess was able to break away from the conversation and say hello and we made our introductions to her.

The hostess shared that being the holiday season, she didn’t really have much of an agenda for this munch. She said we’d do introductions and then she’d just let it free flow. More people arrived and sat in a table behind us, so it was difficult to talk to them. Folks ordered food as they arrived so some people were eating, some were done, some were waiting for food. There were about a dozen of us in attendance.

At some point, the hostess started the group with introductions, to include, if you felt comfortable, your kink, orientation, what you’re here for/seeking, and to remember that the room did not have a door so don’t be very loud when talking and to stop if waitstaff were in the room as not to scare them. It was interesting to learn about people, there were all types there, but no other D/s couples. One man brought old swinger/BDSM want ad books from the 1980s that he’d found in some old paperwork and passed them around to see what it was like to use “analog-Fetlife” prior to computers! Before it was our turn, Maximus instructed me to do our introduction. i shared this was our first munch, that we’d been in the swinging lifestyle for years and years and had moved into BDSM four years ago. i continued that we were in a 24/7 D/s relationship, Maximus being Dominant, that i was bisexual and Maximus bi-comfortable (He’s ok that there might be touching or some male-male action happening around Him). i then shared that we had just returned from a swingers takeover in Mexico that had a large contingent of kink and that we were looking for like-minded others for a sense of community that we had built in the three years we had gone to that event. i had to stop several times for waitstaff to clear the room, so it felt a little disjointed. At some point one of the other guests made some comment aloud that i was speaking out of turn of my Dominant, doing our introductions, and i politely replied that Maximus had instructed me to do our introductions.

After everyone finished their introductions, it was just left to a free-for-all of conversations. The host and the man across from us asked about the takeover and i felt a bit of a rift between kink and swinging based upon their body language and inflection in their voices. When i described the name of the group, Life on the Swingset, the host cooed, “Oh isn’t that cuuute, like littles on swings…” i shared there were many kinksters there, no littles, but pets and ponies, to which the host and man seemed kinda bored with it. Then the host started heavily stroking my arm to demonstrate how swingers have no sense of consent, that they will touch you without asking permission–all while touching me without asking my permission! So i was pretty much done. Maximus was having a nice conversation with the man across the table who started showing Him pictures of women on his phone and they talked a lot about the Folsom Street Fair and our trip to at the Armory in San Francisco, including the class we took in the Upper Room.

Not much happened after that. It was difficult to talk to people behind us and we felt talked out with the host and the man across the table. So, somehow reading my mind, Maximus turned to me and asked if i was ready to go, which i was. We said our thank you’s and headed out.

Was it terrible? No. Was it great? No. Did we feel like we found our people? No. Will we go back? Yes, i need to know whether this munch was normal for this group or not.

We talked a lot on the ride home. Why is it so hard to find our people, the like-minded kinky, swinging, educated, fun people like we have in our Life on the Swingset Desire Takeover, here, local? We dressed nice, like we would whenever meeting new people, but others at this munch did not, in fact, they appeared just above grungy to us. And we felt kind of welcome, but not completely, especially with the comments about a submissive making the introduction and non-consensual touching as an example of how swingers behave. As we were leaving, we suddenly got requests to look up certain Fetlife places and usernames, but i just couldn’t remember them by the time we got to the car with my head reeling.

This might not have been our group. That’s ok. We went, and as i mentioned above, we’ll give it another chance as maybe it was an off-night due to the holidays, like the hostess said. And we’ll check out other munches–perhaps there are groups with more like-minded folks. But the key is, we went, and we’ll go again.

In the meantime, we have signed up for some classes. The more we put ourselves out there, the more likely we are to find likeminded folks. And i’ve been spending more time looking for and contacting potential others on our swinger sites for meetups. We’re also going to check out a swinger’s club associated with a kink organization in our area. So, we’ll keep trying!

Categories: 24/7, BDSM, munch | 4 Comments

Not Poly


i have a confession to make…Maximus and i went to Desire 2016 with the understanding that it was our last trip to Desire with the Life of the Swingset group. Yes, you read that right. But…we left Desire 2016 already booked for the 2017 trip with the Swingset.

So what was the deal? We are swingers, we are non-monogamous, we are kinky, but we are not polyamorous and at Desire 2015, we felt like the odd couple out. It seemed like there was such a big focus on polyamory that we started to feel like we were with the wrong crowd. And it wasn’t just a bunch of people we didn’t know or hang out with, we had friends, close friends actually, that started exploring poly after the 2015 trip.

And it squigged us out.

But we’d already booked the 2016 trip and we really like our friends, especially our poly-exploring friends!

Maximus and i talked about this dilemma quite a bit. What was our issue with poly? Was there an issue with poly?

First, we both view poly through a frame of infidelity. Both Maximus and i were unfaithful in previous relationships and Maximus had a previous spouse cheat and leave Him for this other person. We both understand the concept of poly, that it’s not cheating. And we both understand the comparison of polyamory to parental love, in that you can love more than one child, thus you can love more than one adult. In Maximus’ case, He and JB met another couple through a swinging website and all was great with the four of them as swinging friends. However, JB and the other husband fell in love and worked very hard to convince Maximus and the other wife (Ms. W) that it would be super fun if Maximus and Ms. W fell in love too–they could have a four-way relationship. But it was never called poly, never really was poly in that Maximus didn’t have feelings for Ms. W and it was just a ruse to distract Maximus and Ms. W from what was really going on. In my case, i cheated because i was lonely. My first husband, PiperC was professionally jealous and just plain stopped loving me because of it. i cheated to feel connected with people and to have sexual fun, but they were never poly relationships.

Second, we just see a lot of drama with poly relationships. When Maximus and i started seeing each other, we were fuck-buddies/travel-buddies. We lived three hours apart and had an understanding that we saw other people. We really weren’t dating, just friends with like interests (sex) and available to be a plus-one for anything, including travel. Ms. W was still in the picture as they were friends and Maximus carried a lot of (unsubstantiated, self-inflicted) guilt for her divorce, and was just one of many women He was FWB/FBs with. However, after a while, Ms. W became very possessive of Maximus once He and i took our relationship to the next level, and portrayed her relationship with Him as something it wasn’t when speaking to me or anyone else. Maximus was completely unaware this was happening and it caused a great deal of angst for us (as seen in posts in the beginning of our D/s relationship). So again, it wasn’t poly, but there was a component of three people and a lot of drama.

Unfortunately, we hear about/see the drama our new poly friends go through. And it’s heartbreaking for us. i am very empathetic, so seeing friends going through difficulties is hard for me. We’ve even had friends with situations similar to what Maximus went through with JB, in that two couples met, one husband and one wife liked each other and wanted the other husband and wife to like each other and all go poly in that configuration–but the other spouses weren’t into each other. It’s hard for Maximus to see that happen as it triggers some bad feelings. So we worry about our poly friends.

It’s not like we haven’t explored what polyamory is about. When i divorced OneGuy, i decided to figure myself out and explored all types of sexuality and relationships. Being that i had gotten into swinging with him, i wasn’t sure whether swinging was a me-thing or a we-thing. i had friends who were exploring tantra and i got involved in that, which got me exploring LoveTribe, and all different types of relationship avenues. i talked with, slept with, dated all kinds of people in different relationships, including polyamory, asked a lot of questions, and determined poly just wasn’t for me. Maximus and i even discussed poly when we first got together, having both just read The Ethical Slut and other books, but it just wasn’t our thing.

What brought this posting up was going through our D/s contract last week. Our contract outlines that we are primary relationships with one another, that we cannot be contracted as a Dominant/Domme or submissive to anyone else, although we can be in scenes with others in Dominant/submissive roles. Maximus stopped us at this point and wanted to discuss polyamory, wanting to make sure we were still on the same page about the topic as before. We talked about poly, about what it was, our feelings, and i just simply replied, “You fulfill all my needs–i just don’t need anyone else.”

And that’s where we are. We fulfill each others needs and we just don’t have any desires that aren’t met by the other. Furthermore, we endeavor to meet each others desires, whether it is something we can do ourselves or require assistance from others in doing. That is our joy.

So what changed with Desire 2016? We let poly be other people’s kink and didn’t let it bother us. We didn’t let ourselves worry about our friends in poly relationships–it’s there thing and it makes them happy, or not at times, but it’s their thing to deal with. We are here for them if they need a shoulder, but they understand we are here for support and not at all for direction. And we didn’t let it bother us that we were not poly amongst lots of poly people.

i did have a wonderful afternoon with a very special woman friend who is fairly new into a poly relationship situation with her spouse and another couple. She and i have always connected, both being s-types, and i feel very close with her. The following evening she pulled me aside to talk and she shared how special our afternoon together was and how connected she felt with me. It was such a wonderful moment, one i will always cherish. i wasn’t sure, however, what it all meant, being that she had started into polyamory. Maximus and i spoke about it and i decided i would just simply go talk with her about it. It was a great conversation and one we needed to have anyway, as Maximus and i needed to know how to navigate our relationship with her and her husband now that they were poly with another couple. She and i are connected but not in a polyamorous way–more of a soul sister, connected, loving way. It was great to have the clarity and not get squigged out by ambiguity.

Because we changed our perspective of the dynamics of this group we love, we will be back at Desire with the Life on the Swingset for years to come. i love this group!

YKINMKBYKIOK – Your Kink Is Not My Kink But Your Kink Is Ok

Categories: 24/7, Ethical Slut, polyamory, relationship, relationship needs | Leave a comment

Training Day 15NOV16


While we were at Desire, Maximus and i had a lot of discussion about how things were going with our D/s, including needs, wants, where we could improve, what needed changing, etc. It was a great conversation to have because we really had put D/s on the back burner while we dealt with issues regarding a huge neighborhood debacle, searching for a new place, renting out our condo, and then moving into our new home.

i wouldn’t say we stopped our D/s, as we continued our CEO/COO roles (especially as i worked the transition from one home to another), but the sexual/sensual aspect really slowed down, nearly to a halt. We continued to have Happy Half most days in order to catch up with each other and give Maximus a time to wind down, but my training stopped, we didn’t review the contract, Maximus didn’t reinforce rules when i failed to obey them, and we rarely had sex. Frankly, we were both emotionally beat from the neighborhood issues, even to the point where Maximus’ health was affected. At Maximus’ request, after He’d been given a clean bill of health and it was determined that His issues were stress-related, i found Him a kink-aware counselor to help Him manage the stress of the situation. She’s been magnificent! (By the way, here is where i have found kink-aware professionals when we’ve needed them from time to time: National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.)  So it suffices to say that we just didn’t have the capacity to really focus on D/s.

However, i will say, and Maximus is very upfront about this, we were able to stay together throughout an extremely stressful period that could have easily fractured most couples. Not only did we not come apart, we grew closer and stronger because of it. This was something new for both of us. i won’t say we didn’t have any conflict throughout this time, we did, and this is the area where i strayed from my rules, but it was nowhere near what it could have been and certainly was nowhere near any of the conflict we had at the beginning of our D/s relationship.

We both agreed that the first thing we needed to do was to review our contract, to make sure we had a solid foundation, and restart my training, to break the bad habits i had developed over the past year. Initially we planned contract review at Desire, but then felt there would be too many distractions and not enough private space for us to really focus on something so important. It was a good choice.

Maximus asked me to prepare a space for contract review to coincide with Happy Half (i’m not sure i’ve gone into detail about Happy Half other than a notation in a post about a prior contract review, so i’ll make sure to go into detail about this in a future entry). He also instructed me to prepare our bedroom for a scene after training was completed, including waterproofing our mattress, ensuring bed restraints were accessible, and assembling cuffs, spring links, spreader bars, clover nipple clamps, two Hitachi wands, img_1226gags, blindfold, crop, and lube. i happily went off to do this and returned to Him naked, wearing only my Christian Louboutin heels He bought for me in Paris, to let Him know the tasks had been completed. He’d initially planned to start our training in an hour an a half, but appearing naked, He immediately moved up our training time! (Note: One of the things that Maximus has requested since i moved in two years ago was that i spend as much time as practical being naked and clad in stilettos. But because we lived in a condo adjacent to a community pond and dealing with neighborhood issues, i was not comfortable in doing this. Our new home affords us much more privacy and upon returning from Desire, where we were naked most of the time, i have been more able to comply with Maximus’ direction). i prepared a bottle of champagne and two flutes, two copies of our contract, pens, and my collar, which Maximus secured upon the commencement of my training.

We had great discussion while reviewing our contract. First, we had to update our address! He commended me on remembering to address Him as Sir or Maximus, after He’d corrected me when i had failed to do so in a Tweet prior to our trip to Desire.

tweet-and-textWe discussed finding a community here like we have with the Swingset group at Desire and how to go about doing that. i was tasked with updating our Fetlife profiles and finding munches/classes to go to in order to meet like-minded others. And tasked with re-establishing contacts in swinging as well. We talked about the troubles we’d had in finding others in BDSM in the past (mostly trepidation on our part) and that we just needed to “get over ourselves” and do it. This led into going over how we play with others, my ownership and His dedication to me. i will not be given away as property to another Dom/me, rather loaned to serve/play in a scene as He is comfortable with at His will, with my ability to request; and that He will not take on other submissives or become submissive to another. And we had quite a discussion on polyamory, which i will discuss in another posting (we are not polyamorous).

Maximus was very pleased that i was spending more time naked while at home. We discussed the parameters of this and that i was to be naked as much as practical, that is, if i am working on projects that require me to go in and out of the house, have multiple errands during the day, guests scheduled, or doing something that it is safer to be clothed, i do not have to go in and out of a clothed state–i am to wear clothing as not to interfere with getting my tasks done in those cases. An apron, sexy lingerie, silky robe may be worn and while stilettos are His preferred choice of footwear for me, He understands that this can be an issue going up and down our hardwood stairs all day. His preference is that i am in stilettos for Happy Half when i am naked. And i was instructed to find a wrap-around dress that i can keep by the front door and quickly don should i need to answer the door, as it would not be appropriate for me to answer the door in a silky bathrobe.

We deferred going through my BDSM checklist until our next training as our review had already taken an hour and a half.

We then had our scene. Maximus led me upstairs and i knelt on my kneeling pillow. He applied my cuffs to my wrists, blindfolded me, inserted the ball gag and instructed me to tap my right hand on the bed for my safeword since i would not be able to speak. He then took me to standing, applied the clover nipple clamps, took off my shoes, and positioned me on my back on the bed. my wrists were secured to the bed restraint system, cuffs applied to my ankles, spreader bar secured and restrained spread eagle. Maximus cropped my breasts and clit, fingered me so i squirted over and over. He then brought the spreader bar holding my ankles up to my wrists and secured me, exposing my pussy. Unfortunately, i had squirmed up against the headboard, unbeknownst to Maximus and positioning me this way jammed my head to the side and into my chest, giving me a sensation of choking against my collar. i tried to overcome this feeling, but i had made a mistake in putting two Liberator blankets on the bed over the waterproof sheeting, velvet side up, and i’d gotten really warm because of it, which was causing me to overheat and feel suffocated. i had to tap out and while i tried to stay calm, i got a little anxious because i’d waited too long to safeword. Maximus did a wonderful job of getting my mouth and neck free of the gag ball and collar so i could communicate that i needed to be pulled away from the headboard. Maximus also discovered that my squirming had not only pushed me into the padded leather headboard, but that it had caused the tail end of my collar to come out and bind behind my neck, causing the collar to feel tighter.

i was upset that i’d had to safeword out. i really hate that as i fear that i am disappointing Maximus. And, i was really looking forward to the play while being restrained all-fours on the spreader bar. But Maximus was thrilled with the play we’d had, especially the copious amount of white cum i’d sprayed all over, which was dripping down the headboard!

i don’t know why i used the Liberator blankets over the plastic sheeting. Normally i put it under a fitted cotton bed sheet, which is so much cooler. Mistake from not having a scene for several months. But a great learning experience to apply in future scenes.

Maximus freed me from all the restraints and left the clover clamps to last. It is always excruciating to have those removed! Maximus allowed me to curl into Him as He removed the first one, causing me to scream. He loves to cup and squeeze my breast after He removes the clamps, which make it even more painful–but so, so good! The second one came off the same way. And i had such beautiful bite marks (that itched for days as they healed, a constant reminder of Him)!






Categories: 24/7, BDSM contract, breast torture, Christian Louboutin Red Bottomed Shoes, D/s, nipple clamps, Spreader bar, training | Leave a comment

Catch up!


i have so many things to write about, but this week just got away from me.

First of all, Maximus and i have been sick with upper respiratory stuff after our trip to Desire. It has just worn me out. Maximus has coughed so much that His jaw started snapping whenever He opened His mouth, which was both annoying and painful, prompting a trip to the dentist for an evaluation. He’s now on “jaw rest,” meaning that He’s not supposed to open His mouth very wide, cut down on talking (yah, right, for anyone who’s met Him), eat soft foods/soups, take NSAIDs, and ice His jaw. He has a followup appointment tomorrow. i really want His jaw to heal…for many reasons!

We were scheduled to get back onto our Monday training days this past Monday, but i ended up taking a nap and when i woke up, i was too groggy and Maximus’ jaw hurt too much for us to concentrate on it. We ended up just doing Happy Half and not training. He’d even planned for a scene afterward, but we had to curtail that as well. We ended up doing the training session and a scene Tuesday, which i will detail in another post.

We had vanilla house guests Wednesday and Thursday, so there was no time for writing. Maximus praised me on being such a great host, which i really appreciated.

Thursday night we went to a munch! And that will be another post. Especially about the discussion we had on the ride home.

Friday we drove down to spend a weekend with family and saw a family member in The Addams Family musical. Believe it or not, there’s a post in there too! Who knew Morticia has words of wisdom for D/s relationships!?!

And i still have thoughts and discussions to document in between, before, and after!

So this post is a little boring in that it is a reminder for me of all the things i need to post. And i’m still with family until Tuesday, so it will be a few days before i can start in on all this.

Oh! And then i need to talk about the architect and future dungeon plans!!

There’s just so much to share!

Until next time!


Categories: submissive journal | Leave a comment

Packing for Desire


i started this post last year after going to Desire with the Swingset group, but i never finished it. i used it when i was getting us packed for our trip this year and decided that it needed to be published as it was extremely helpful.


Packing List


  • Avon Skin-So-Soft insect repellent (i use two kinds, Bug Guard Plus Picaridin and Bug Guard Plus IR3535 Expedition)
  • 98% DEET
  • Benadryl capsules
  • Benadryl cream
  • Aloe with lidocaine
  • Citronella bracelets
  • TUMS
  • Immodium
  • Sudafed
  • Preparation H Totables (sometimes anal play causes some issues for me)
  • Throat lozenges/cough drops
  • Glide (anti-chafe balm you can find at triathlon and running shops)
  • Hanging toiletries organizer as bathroom has poor storage
  • Sunscreen
  • Allergy eye drops
  • Shampoo and other hair products (anti-friz!)
  • Face toner for under makeup to keep it from melting off in the heat!


  • More short sleeved shirts for Maximus
  • Organize costumes by theme nights in gallon-size zip-lock bags (works awesome for keeping everything organized)
  • Lots of stilettos!
  • Nice jeans for Maximus for dinners
  • Lots of swimming bikinis to wear when we walk the beach or to lunch
  • Beachwear coverups
  • Sun hat
  • No slacks
  • No underwear for Maximus, despite His protests–He never wears them other than those for costume nights
  • No shorts or T-shirts–we always think we might wear them, but we never do
  • No tennis shoes


  • Condoms, lube
  • Contact cards with our picture, names, and contact info
  • Body chains
  • Vegan cards for the dining rooms
  • Light tote bag to take things to the beach, hot tub area
  • Extension cords
  • Power Strip
  • BDSM toys, collar, cuffs, etc
  • Lanyards for room keys
  • Name necklaces from previous years
  • Book, kindle
  • External battery supply for electronics to take to beach bed
  • Charging cords for all electronic devices
  • External mouse for Maximus as His mousepad on His mac always malfunctions in the humidity
  • Soft flip flops
  • Small flashlights (power went out one year and they do not have flashlights in the rooms)
  • Safety pins, tape for costume emergencies
  • Tide single sink wash packets
  • Glow sticks/glow bracelet packs
  • Black light body paints
  • Snacks for room (dry soup mixes, Lara Bars, oatmeal, etc., chocolate)
  • Don’t bring jambox, never use it
  • Don’t need international calling plan, turn cellular off on iPhones, use WiFi for texting and calling
Categories: Desire, Sex resort, Swingers resort | Leave a comment

Desire’s First Dungeon!

Photo by @DylantheThomas

Wednesday night was a first at Desire–they hosted a dungeon for the kinksters here at the Swingset takeover. The staff actually made some fabulous apparatus from plans provided by J.V. and Shara: a cross, spanking bench, and kneeling bench. It was wonderful to have a place for our kink.

Maximus had me dress in a net dress that has cut-outs for each breast, my cuffs and collar, the black iridescent ultra high heels He surprised me with several years ago, and the slutty makeup He loves (lots of black eyeliner/mascara and red lipstick).

We arrived early into the Dungeon hours as we were concerned we wouldn’t get in! i didn’t have a lot of time to check out the dungeon before Maximus blindfolded me, but i do recall people draping the cross with towels for a scene. The play space was cordoned off for spectators and there were several couples standing and seated to watch.

Maximus led me over to a sheet-covered, cushioned, flat platform and applied my leather blindfold. i really appreciated being blindfolded so i wouldn’t be distracted by onlookers or other play adjacent to us in the dungeon. He then pulled my dress up to my waist, spread my legs apart, slid his hand into my dripping pussy, and caused me to squirt. i was so turned on that i ejaculated a huge amount, more than Maximus expected so early, and we were not prepared. i made a huge puddle on the tile floor that Maximus covered with towels. He reset me so i stood spread on the towels, arms extended like a Vitruvian man. He grabbed me and held me tightly against Him, His lips in my ear, one hand in my pussy, instructing me not to cum. It was so hard. He squeezed my nipples, again denying my orgasm. And then release, He returned to my pussy and gave me permission to cum. He did this over and over. All the while i held my arms outstretched to the sides. i’m usually restrained in this position–this was the first time i didn’t have straps or ropes to lean my aching arms into and it took a lot of concentration to maintain.

After some time with this, Maximus moved me to a seated position on the platform, pivoted me and told me to lay on my back with my legs spread/bottoms of my feet together. He applied nipple suction to both breasts and twisted then until they started pulling a vacuum. He whispered in my ear that my right nipple was dripping clear fluid under the pressure and that He was very proud of me.

Next came the crop. He cropped my breasts, first while they were flaccid with the tubes, and then taut while he pulled on the vacuum devices. And then He cropped my mons, pussy, and clit. Again, i was unrestrained, no spreader bar, no thigh cuffs or straps/rope, and was told to keep my legs spread and feet together. Oh that was hard!

Maximus alternated between cropping, tightening the nipple tubes, and making me squirt. He stopped denying my orgasms, whispering roughy in my ear that i may cum freely–and i did, over and over.

i did have to call my yellow safeword a couple of times as my clit and pussy took the edge of the crop flap several times. It was unusual for that to happen.

After this, Maximus did something entirely new. After increasing vacuum on my nipples again, He grabbed both tubes and pulled them away from my body, stretching my breasts out and then pushing them back into me over and over in rapid succession. It was wonderful! He’d do this until i came, give me a rest, and would then repeat. It was thrilling as i was never sure if the tubes would pull off, which can be searingly painful and usually throws me into subspace, but they never pulled off. I did have to call yellow after many rounds of this as it became more aggressive and i felt i might have heart palpitations if it continued any longer. From my medical background i know that you can create an electrical response and dysrhythmias from striking the chest in a procedure called precordial thump, and I felt we were getting too close to that. It did take my breath away, which was an interesting sensation.

Maximus then whispered in my ear that it was time for Him to remove my nipple tubes. He massaged my breast before squeezing it tightly and released vacuum on the tube. After pulling the tube, Maximus squeezed my freed, elongated, purple nipple while i gasped and came. He repeated the other side. He sat me up and let me get my equilibrium before assisting me to standing, but my legs were too wobbly to stay up. i heard one of the other subs who were coordinating the aftercare room come over and check on us, bringing towels for Maximus to wrap me in. Eventually I was able to stand. Maximus kept my blindfolded and led me to the aftercare room.

The aftercare room was colder than i would have liked. It wasn’t the fault of those running the dungeon–the back playroom has been notoriously too cold the last three years Maximus and i have visited it. We’ve never been able to successfully play in there because of the low temperature. Knowing this, Maximus piled on blankets and towels and wrapped Himself around me. He told me how well I’d done, stroked my hair, and helped me drink some water. When He determined I was okay, He went back to the dungeon to collect our things and clean up the space–one of the aftercare subs stayed with me.

When He returned i let Him know i was ready to have the blindfold removed and then my cuffs and collar. He was prepared for me to go sub when removing my cuffs, as i did the other night, but it only made me gasp and curl into Him rather than sending me into subspace.

We talked about the scene and i was surprised it hadn’t gone longer. He said He stopped the scene as when checking my skin temperature it had suddenly dropped. i’d not noticed this and never felt cold.  i think having a shorter scene than we usually do kept me from going sub.

Toys Maximus had me pack.

The aftercare room got too cold for me so Maximus led me out by the dungeon area to leave. We stopped briefly so i could see what was happening and i was thrilled to see all the areas being used and lot of people watching. People came up to thank us for the scene, hug me, and compliment on my smeared makeup (those were people who knew that was a fetish for Maximus). And then Maximus led me out, down the stairs of the disco, and over to the hot tub.

During our debriefing in the hot tub, Maximus noted that He felt the most connected He has ever felt in our kink play in a public space. He said He was able to focus on me rather than be distracted by other things going on in the dungeon or crowd. This was a big thing as He is easily distracted. He did look into the crowd twice, He said, and was entertained by the sight of women holding their own breasts and grimacing in response to what He was doing! He asked about the yellows from me and i shared about the crop edges. Apparently the size of the platform and proximity of the cordon to separate onlookers put Him at a difficult angle rather than squared off to me and that He’d be more aware of that in the future.

Back in our room later, we reveled at my purple nipples and red ring around each aerola before fucking.

The next day someone asked us about the noise from onlookers talking while we were scening. i replied that i never even heard them and only heard orgasms or cries from others in the dungeon once or twice. We were both extremely focused on our scene.

It’s Friday and my nipples are now blotchy red. i’ve loved these marks and how they’ve changed from deep purple to red.

Desire has my vote for a repeat dungeon!

Categories: aftercare, BDSM, BDSM dungeon, breast torture, Desire, Dom/sub, Dungeon Party, J.V. and Shara, nipple clamps, sensory deprivation play, Sex resort, Swingers resort | Leave a comment


As i shared in my very first entry, Becoming gabriella, i have had a history of not protecting my boundaries, especially with men. i’m much better about it now, but something amazing happened here at Desire that i will carry with me forever as a reminder of the importance of defending our boundaries.

As i mentioned in Unexpected Bliss, our neighbor from the room next door started to cross a boundary with me when he barged into our room to grab my tail from the bed to examine it. And i really didn’t do a great job of defending that boundary other than to put my hand on the tail to block him and quietly telling him it was my tail and special to me. It startled me and i ended up basically retreating into the bathroom, leaving Maximus to protect my tail and me.

Then the next day, it happened again, an assault to my boundary, by the same person, and it occurred literally while i writing my post about the tail situation. i was really immersed in my writing, working hard to recall events and the things that Maximus had shared about that night. i was naked, laying on my stomach, typing into my phone when suddenly ice was dropped onto my lower back! i was shocked! And when i immediately rolled to remove this disruptive thing, i saw our neighbor there, who also had a beach bed next to us, laughing and saying, “you two [his wife and me] both have the most adorable dimples in your lower backs that are just screaming for ice!” i looked at him aghast and exclaimed, “please don’t do that again.”

Unfortunately the timing couldn’t have been worse. Maximus had just told me that we needed to go as we had a rendezvous set with a friend and i’d asked for a minute to finish writing what i was working on before we left. So instead of taking the time to talk to this individual about boundaries, we just simply left.

Maximus and i discussed the situation while walking back to our room. Certainly, this person had an issue about not asking for permission before entering someone’s space or touching their things or body. And certainly, someone needed to talk to him about it–and i felt i’d missed opportunities to do that. i really felt we had a responsibility to do that. So we talked about how and when to have that discussion with him.

At first, we thought it would be best for Maximus to talk to him, but the situation never presented itself. The next day, our assigned beach bed was given to another couple and we were moved, making me feel even more anxious about it, thinking that it appeared we had physically separated ourselves from him after the situation. i finally worked up the courage to go over talk to him after rehearsing the conversation, and he was gone.

But last night he appeared in our room again, uninvited, wanting to see what we were going to wear for Steampunk night. And i told him i was glad he was there because i had something i wanted to talk to him about. i shared that it was a difficult thing for me to discuss, but that i felt that my boundaries were crossed with the two events. And i shared that it was important to ask people for permission before entering their space, handing their things, or touching them. i added that i appreciated the fact that he may have seen many people come to our beach bed and enter our space, touch us, and kiss us, etc, seemingly without asking permission, but these were people that we’d had previous discussions about consent, and that those people either had consent for those things or blanket consent from us. Not seeing the prior discussions, we could understand how it might appear we had no boundaries with strangers.

He was very gracious with the conversation, despite my fear that he might become defensive or upset with me/us. He apologized and thanked us for telling him rather than leaving them to wonder why we avoided them, should that had happened. And we thanked him for his response. We felt so much better for talking to him.

And this morning, something wonderful happened. Maximus was sitting on the patio when our neighbor approached and asked if he could share something with Him. He related that last evening he went to a polyamory discussion circle and the group started talking about boundaries and permission. And he shared what had happened with us, that he admittedly had crossed some boundaries with his neighbors (he kept our identities anonymous) and shared how we had graciously talked with him about it and how he learned both about permission and how to have a discussion about boundaries. He used us as an example of how to talk about boundary crossing.

i could not think of a better outcome. We feel so honored to be presented in such a manner and are so happy it was a positive experience for him. And it was a lesson learned for me, that not only is it important for me to defend my boundaries on a personal level, but it is important for others that i protect them as well, and not to be afraid to have the discussion.

Categories: boundaries, Desire, Sex resort, Swingers resort | Leave a comment

Unexpected Bliss

i had an amazing night last night. i hardly know how to describe it.

It’s been an overwhelming year for Maximus and me, the time between last year’s Swingset Desire trip and now. Neighborhood drama, a new grandson, son’s wedding, suicide of a cherished play partner, hypothyroid healing, moving, work, etc, and it’s really interfered with our D/s, play, and even just plain sex. We’ve had maybe one scene and therefore i’ve not worn my cherished collar or cuffs much.

Last night’s theme was Innapropriate Behavior and Deviant Desires. Getting ready for the trip, i pondered this theme and decided that instead of me dressing Maximus for this night, Maximus would choose for me, meaning that i would wear His favorite things from our play: my red satin lined leather collar and cuffs, my red satin ribbon laced vinyl boots, the black G-string with the metal C-ring in front and matching cupless underwire bra with metal C-rings for my nipples to protrude, silver bell tweezer nipple clamps, bright red smearable lipstick, heavy black eyeliner and non-waterproof mascara that would run down my face if my eyes water, and messy, freshly fucked wild hair. This is His favorite way for me to dress for Him.

And, the foxtail buttplug.

Mind you, i’ve NEVER worn my foxtail out other than one small house party where it freaked our friends out and i promptly removed it, and a play session with kinky friends with my original foxtail where the tail was accidentally broken in the middle of a scene causing an immediate, horrible crash for me. i adore my tail, it’s special, extremely personal, and i’m terrified of it being broken, grabbed, or misunderstood. It’s not a costume, it’s not a sex toy, it’s my persona, my spirit animal, an extension of my soul and sexuality, sacred. Maximus has asked me for the past two years to bring it to the Desire trip and i have refused, afraid of it being mistreated by unintentional mishandling by others, being shamed, and it being damaged by the humidity or water from the pool/spa. Taking my tail was my gift to Maximus and He was beyond thrilled. This was a big thing. BIG.

Getting ready in the room, our neighbor came over to visit, saw my tail set out on the bed with my things, and immediately made a beeline for it. Terror shot through me. Somehow i managed to squeak out, “Careful, that’s my tail, it’s important to me,” before he grabbed it without permission. i picked it up to show him as he reached for it exclaiming, “Does that go in your butt?!?!?” Crap, it’s my nightmare, everything i was afraid of. Maximus recognized this. i handed my tail to Him and retreated into the bathroom so He could explain the tail to our neighbor, and did my makeup.

i dressed after our neighbor left. Panties, boots, bra, silver bells, tail. And as our protocol, knelt with my hands holding up the back of my hair so Maximus could put my collar on me, and then my cuffs, one by one.

i felt amazing. It is difficult to describe exactly what it was other than i felt entirely me, energized, confident, bulletproof, beautiful, turned on. my pussy dripped down my legs, into my boots.

The party was fantastic. Many people were amazed. No one grabbed my tail, people asked to stroke it and i held it for them to touch. Some people seemed put off by it but i didn’t care. i was able to tell the story of my tail, what it meant to me, and how it wasn’t a costume for me. We visited with a woman who’d come to the previous night’s party as a pony, completely recognized by me as a pony, not a costume, and had encouraged me by her presence as her pony persona with her gorgeous tail to be brave enough to wear mine tonight. We understood the significance of each others tails.

But most of all, i was me. It was empowering.

We went up to the hot tub area later to watch the show, which was moved back to the disco. i spent some time as a “therapy fox” for someone who needed some comfort, enjoying the time as they stroked my soft tail. Then suddenly the bed at the top of the stairs appeared to glow as if under spotlights, beckoning me. i asked Maximus if we could spend some time together on that glowing bed and He led the way.

And then the most amazing, unplanned scene happened. i got on all fours and Maximus slid beneath me to lick my pussy. The panties came off but my tail remained. He finger fucked me, made me squirt all over Him before moving behind to fuck me hard, yanking my hair. It was fantastic! my collar ring clanged, my silver bells rang, i was in heaven. Maximus walked in front of me and fucked my mouth, smearing my red lipstick all over my face and sending a torrent of black eyeliner and mascara down my cheeks. He then fucked me hard and we reveled in our sex.

After some aftercare, i decided i wanted to go to the hot tub. We spent time discussing it as it meant removing my tail, cuffs, and collar, but in the end i decided it was time. Kneeling into Maximus on the bed, He gently unclasped the cuff, pulled the end free of the buckle and slid the satin off my skin, holding my wrist against His chest. It made me gasp and a sob came from deep within me. Tears welled into my eyes and i leaned deeper into Him. He kissed my wrist and reached over to my other hand, pulling it into Him. Again, He removed the second cuff and i crumbled, tumbled immediately into subspace. my collar came off next, then my tail, where i clutched it to my chest and sobbed. He gently removed my boots and held me, leaving my silver bell nipple clamps.

i remember feeling so naked, like a turtle pulled out of its shell. It took a long time for Maximus to bring me back, wrapped up in towels and held.

He led me to the hot tub when i was ready enough and we slid into the warm water, me oblivious to everyone else there. He held me close in the water and i was suddenly ravenous for Him. i’ve never had this reaction after subspace before, but i was enormously horny and couldn’t leave Him alone! i jumped onto His cock and fucked Him, reached behind and pulled my legs onto His shoulders and rammed myself onto Him. He finger fucked my ass. Orgasm after orgasm, even squirting hot streams of cum all over His cock. Exhausted in bliss, i snuggled into His neck.

He left for a moment to get me some water and returned with some more experienced BDSM friends and explained what happened, a bit concerned about me. i do remember this, but was so blissed out that i was beyond speech.

Suddenly i got cold, yes, in a hot tub! Maximus led me out, dried me off and took me downstairs for pizza before collapsing to sleep–with just one more fucking from Maximus after removing my silver bell clamps in bed before i slid off into slumber.

We don’t know why i had such an intense reaction. We think it was a combination of being so long since we’d scened, a long time since i’d been collared and cuffed, and the first time i’d been my true self with my tail in a large group situation. And i had been on such a high in my cuffs, collar, boots, etc, and had associated it with my appearance that removing it made me feel stripped naked.

It was definitely a night to remember.

Categories: aftercare, BDSM, breast torture, butt plug, collaring, fox tail, fox tail butt plug, foxtail, foxtail butt plug, leather cuffs, nipple clamps, objectification, subspace, Swingers resort | Leave a comment

Being Vegan at Desire

i’ve been vegan for eight years and Maximus decided to be fully vegan several months ago. We love this way of eating and generally don’t have too many problems finding food to eat when we’re away from home. We travel a lot, including internationally, and we’ve learned how to navigate restaurants and buffets to fit our needs.

Usually we’re the only “weird ones” but this morning i ran into a fellow vegan at the buffet who was having some difficulty finding breakfast items as a first time Desire guest. i shared some tips with her and thought it might be a good topic to blog about in case there are others.

  • First of all, we’re traveling, there’s somewhat of a language barrier, we’re guests in someone else’s country, and not completely in control of how our food is being prepared.  So we do the best we can, don’t want to be rude or pushy, and we totally understand and accept that we may end up eating something that’s not vegan. It’s ok, it’s not going to kill us.
  • When we travel abroad, i make little cards in the language of the country(ies) we are visiting explaining what things we like to avoid eating. You can google them to download and print. V-cards is one, Select Wisely is another. We can simply hand that to a waiter for guidance or they can take it to the kitchen for the chef. We use these at the restaurants at Desire.
  • At breakfast, there is always an amazing array of fresh fruit. I love the papaya and guava! There is an omelette station and i fill a plate of fresh veggies and ask Matildè to sauté them with “no heuvos, no queso” and she’s happy to do that. i do not worry that she’s been cooking eggs and meat on that same grill. You can get warmed corn or flour tortillas to go with it. i also include cooked diced hash brown potatoes from the buffet if they have them. And there’s salsa and hot chili sauce to add that i think is to die for!! (Not for Maximus though!) There are fruit juices, cereals you can have dry or with water/juice, breads, coffee, tea, and jams. They used to have a big pot of cooked oatmeal but it was made with milk. They added a menu item of oatmeal but we haven’t ordered it as we are assuming it’s con leche as well. If we want our typical oatmeal, we always travel with instant oatmeal packets and could ask for hot water to make our own and add toppings from the granola bar.
  • Lunch buffet. There’s always chips and guacamole, steamed veggies, rice, salads. Often there are roasted veggies, pesto, and hummus to make a sandwich with, potatoes, home fries. There is always a salad bar and if you want some of their yummy pizza, simply grab a slice and peel off the cheese and meat toppings.
  • The dinner buffet can be hit or miss sometimes. Usually there is some type of vegan-friendly entree. However there have been times where the pickin’s were slim. In that case we’ve made do with scraping cheese off some veggie dish or picking veggies out of another dish. Usually there are potatoes or rice.
  • The restaurants are great. At the sushi restaurant we’ve had veggie sushi that’s been great. At the Italian restaurant there’s always been a veggie dish we’ve had veganized. Both places we’ve presented the card and they’ve accommodated us beautifully.
  • The post-sex late night bar works too! We order a no-carne, no queso pizza–we usually have to repeat our request multiple times as they are so confused someone would order a pizza without cheese! It comes with sauce and sliced tomatoes and is wonderful! We could get a pineapple only one too, i’m sure, just have not tried ordering that combo.
  • Worst case scenario, we ALWAYS travel with food. We bring Lära bars, Dr. McDougall dry soup mixes in ziplock bags, instant oatmeal, and powdered coconut milk so we always have some food. We take that with us whenever we travel by air.

Fact of the matter–we’ve never starved! Being vegan should not deter anyone from experiencing Desire!

Categories: Desire, Sex resort, Swingers resort, vegan | Leave a comment

Life’s a Beach

Wow, it’s been a long time since i posted. No excuses, i just let life pull me around there for a bit. All is well, Maximus and i are great, and as it’s November, life’s a beach at Desire RM in Cancun with the Life on the Swingset group.

i hope to have a few posts done while we’re here and get back into keeping my submissive’s journal up to date again. Maximus has asked me to do this now that life isn’t so hectic.




Categories: Desire, Sex resort, Swingers resort | Leave a comment

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