submissive housewife

Artful Service Homework


i was able to finally complete my homework from Miss Amy Red’s Artful Service class while flying to NYC for our Valentine’s week trip!

What makes service feel artful to you?

Art is defined as skill acquired by experience, study, or an occupation requiring knowledge or skill ( So if we were to simply use these definitions, any service that was studied or someone was knowledgeable in would be considered artful. However, i feel that there is something more to service being artful, in that is it done with added grace, intention, attention to detail, and love. i can easily prepare Maximus’ bed at night—i do it every night He’s home—but i can be much more loving and attentive about it: gently removing the pillows and arranging them extra neatly beside the bed and on the dresser, lovingly smoothing out the quilt after i spread it over His side of the bed, fluff and caress His pillow. This is much different than tossing the pillows off, roughly pulling the quilt up and flipping the covers back. And it doesn’t matter whether He’s watching or not, being artful about it in this manner makes a difference.

i’ve heard it said many times that you can taste when someone cooks while they are angry, that it actually changes how the food is prepared and tastes. Love is an important ingredient in food and in all service. Doing service with love and intention changes the experience for both the giver and the receiver.

  • What do you enjoy about service?

i enjoy the act of doing something for someone—it gives me joy and an expanded sense of purpose. i have been in a service profession all of my adult life and was drawn to it to help those who needed it. my leadership style is servant leadership, in that i work to provide resources to others so that they can succeed. Being helpful, improving people’s lives makes me feel good! i enjoy serving Maximus because it helps make His life even better, takes a lot of stuff off His plate so He can better focus and achieve more for Himself and us, and He truly appreciates it—that’s huge! But i also enjoy service because it allows me to use my skills, whether in cooking, home maintenance and repair, gardening, decorating, playing the piano, proofreading, making PowerPoint documents, active listening, leadership advisement, etc.

  • What qualities set some service apart as being artful?

As i mentioned above, having intention, going above and beyond just completing the task, value-added, something that surprises and delights, done in a graceful, beautiful manner.

What increases the connection in acts of service?

Having focus and mindfulness increases the connection. Including touch, eye contact, slowing down all increase the connection. Doing something extra, anticipating needs or desires also increase this,

  • 2 ways to focus your attention that could increase connection in service interactions

As noted above, eye contact and touch/physical interaction can increase connection in service interactions.

  • What tools do you use to communicate your intentions wordlessly?

Body language and eye contact, positioning.

  • What do you appreciate about your partner in artful service interactions?

During artful service interaction i appreciate Maximus’ response and reactions. It is more than just a “thank you,” it is a look in His eyes, tone of voice, a deeper connection. Oftentimes i am rewarded with play, attention, whether it’s immediate or delayed.

What makes service more unique and intimate?

Knowing your partner’s preferences, touch, eye contact, positioning.

  • What style or service archetype are you curious about exploring?

As noted in Our M/s, we have incorporated attributes of 1950s Housewife, Victorian, CEO/COO into our D/s. We are extremely interested in exploring high protocol and have discovered the Libertine Social Club in our region, which will give us a chance to learn more and try it out.

  • What “ordinary” act of service would you like to try charging up?

i would be interested in charging up our bedtime ritual. i have several tasks for this, but i would like to find ways to increase our connection and intention as we go to bed. This is something i need to bring up to Maximus to see how He feels about this and what we can do to achieve this.

  • Can you make it more (choose one or more) valuable, enjoyable, beautiful, irreplaceable?

Valuable, enjoyable, and beautiful

What can improve or correct existing service?

Awareness is a large part of improving or correcting existing service. If you are not cognizant of areas where service can be improved or corrected, you will continue to operate at that level. It will require some self-discipline to evaluate performance, and evaluation, feedback, discipline, correction from Maximus as well.

  • What obstacle have you experienced recently?

During the last review of our rules and protocols, we noticed that we have not been sticking to the rules and protocols regarding door opening. i have been opening my own doors, especially car doors, which is a violation of Maximus’ expectations. While this does not seem like a service, it serves Maximus’ desire to be a gentleman—disregarding this robs Him of something important deep within Him. It also serves as a reminder to me that i am His, that there are expectations i must operate within, and causes me pause to remember our relationship.

While i have been better about this since we discussed this issue, there are many things i can do to make this more artful. First, i can use the pause to actually reflect on our relationship rather than look at my phone (as is often the case when waiting for Maximus to come around and open the car door to let me out), second, i can look into Maximus’ eyes and then nod during these times to convey my appreciation and connection rather than simply thanking Him, which i do every time, third, i can incorporate touch when i pass Him during these interactions.

  • What category(s) does that experience seem to fit with?

Incorporating these things can make the experience more valuable, enjoyable, beautiful, and irreplaceable. Why irreplaceable? Because i know Maximus holds doors for others, but He does not receive any of the response i described above from anyone, which will set that interaction to a higher level than others, increasing our connection, and strengthening our relationship.

Categories: 24/7, BDSM classes, D/s, M/s, Miss Amy Red, protocols, relationship, rituals, submissive housewife | Tags: | Leave a comment

Snowmageddon 2017


my goodness! Time has certainly gotten away from me the past couple of weeks. Well, that’s not entirely true, i’ve been extremely busy in a house painting frenzy, so it’s not like i’ve been sitting around the house eating bonbons (inside joke between Maximus and me). my initial plan was to merely paint the guest rooms, but i ended up painting the guest bathroom, Master’s bedroom and bathroom (the bathroom is soooo spa-like now, i can hardly contain my squeee every time i’m in there), powder room, kitchen, family room, and downstairs hallway. i’d hoped to paint Maximus’ office, but i ran out of time (and needed a couple days rest) before prepping for a Super Bowl party at our house…and then we had a winter storm.

i’m actually writing this post in Word on my laptop and will be transferring it into my blog because we don’t have power! It started snowing during the Super Bowl and just dumped! After our guests left and we cleaned up, Maximus and i went for a lovely walk in the snow and noticed that this snow was really wet and heavy, coming down hard, and was causing tree limbs to droop down onto power lines. By the time we got back home, we’d accumulated another inch. We got our emergency supplies ready as we live out in the boonies and supposedly often lose power for extended periods of time during storms (we’ve only lived out here since October, so we’ve not experienced what our neighbors report).

Our power flipped off and back on about 1 AM, but the neighbors across the street were on generators when we woke up. We had 7 inches of snow and wouldn’t you know it, three more cypress trees fell over (i just finished cutting up the last one that fell two months ago and putting it into the yard debris container) and one of our maple trees split (it appears it had some concealed crotch rot at a branch and it broke under the weight of the snow). We went out midmorning to shovel off the driveway and clear some of the road so drivers could see where the road was rather than driving into the drainage ditch in front of our house and when it was time to go back inside, we’d lost power.

We got the generator going and it started snowing again. Since Maximus had work to do and the cable was out along with the power, He decided He needed to head out to somewhere with internet access. He also has a flight at o’dark-thirty in the morning, so we agreed that He should just go get a hotel room near the airport now, taking my SUV, so that we didn’t have to worry about Him trying to drive in the dark, possible ice and snow, fallen trees, with time constraints in the morning. i know He didn’t really like that idea, but after venturing out, dealing with the snowy streets, abandoned vehicles stuck in ditches, and fallen trees, He was glad He left this afternoon.

i assured Him that He didn’t need to worry about me, that i’d be just fine, and He replied, “gabriella, i never need to worry about you,” as i am very self-sufficient and prepared. i am very pleased with our emergency preparedness, and so is Maximus. As we were getting the generator set up, He complimented me that all my hard work was paying off, which made me smile. i’ve set up a whole shelving system in our garage to store our generator and supplies, including nitrile gloves and fuel funnel Maximus requested the last time we lost power and He spilled gasoline onto His bare hands while fueling the generator, and a headlamp i hang off the unit so we have access to it immediately when getting it set up in the dark. There are bins with flashlights, batteries, an emergency radio with a crank charger and USB ports for charging cell phones, a solar charger, fuel siphon, etc. Bins with food that i go through on our birthdays in order to swap out things with upcoming expiration dates. Gallons and gallons of water in special carboys, in addition to all the water in our hot water tank, and a water filtration system. There is first aid equipment and we also have all of our camping supplies in another shelf nearby with fuel pods and cooking equipment, more flashlights, etc. Everything’s organized, labeled, easy to access. The generator powers six circuits in our home: the septic system, furnace, Maximus’ office outlets, family room outlets, refrigerators and freezer, and garage doors. We have two gas fireplaces for heat, so i generally turn the furnace thermostat down to the 60s to avoid having to run that power hog, and we have a gas stove that we can light with a stick lighter or matches for cooking. So we’re pretty set.

i’d started working on this project while we were in the condo, but moving out to the lake necessitated completing our emergency preparedness. While i worked in public safety all of my adult life, i never had emergency supplies at home. Why? Because i was never home during emergencies—i was always working and had supplies provided at work. That all changed when i retired! And boy am i glad i got it all done this fall and early winter! So i guess you could say i’ve pretty much geeked out on emergency preparedness!

Woo Hoo! Power came back at 8 PM…but still no cable, so no internet…boo!

And finally! Internet at 10 AM!! Back in service!

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A Great Week!

Does anyone else see the heart in the shadow of the light i installed in our bedroom?

i know i promised to journal yesterday but i didn’t. i’ve still been busy working on the house and was so wiped out last night that i was in bed by 8! 
i get a lot of work done when Maximus is here, but i seem to get so much more done when He’s gone! Maybe because i don’t stop to make sure He’s taken care of when He’s gone? And i can work into the evening too? Today i picked up new moulding for our powder room and installed it (the old stuff was water damaged and drove me batty!), caulked and puttied it, put the Xmas lights away that had been drying out in the garage, installed hooks to hang bicycles from ceiling, hung wreaths in garage to store when not in use, cut up more of the trees that fell in December and filled up the yard debris container (hopefully only two more weeks to go on that), stacked some firewood from the trees that were cut down two weeks ago (the chunks have been frozen to the ground, and some still are!), made enchiladas for Maximus when He gets home and i’m gone, and a whole bunch of other little things! 

The point is that i’m not just sitting around eating bonbons and being too lazy to journal! i have so much to write about and i’m too wiped out to do it! Fortunately i’m headed to Portland to spend time with a friend for a few days and should have time to write then. She’ll be working at home while i’m there and while she was concerned about that, i assured her i could entertain myself while she’s working. i hope to get some writing done then. Because i have more painting to do when i get home!!

i’m so boring!

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i have sooo much to write about. i’ve not written for the past week as i’ve been busy painting the walls inside the house. So far i’ve done both guest rooms, guest bath, powder room, master bedroom, and master bath. The master bath needs a second coat and i’m planning a paint treatment for the powder room (which is part of a whole redecorating of that room), so those rooms aren’t completely done yet. It’s been non-stop and has taken all my attention and time.

Maximus is thrilled, He keeps going into each room, turning the lights on, staring, and singing–especially about the navy blue powder room! As i’ve painted the master bedroom the same brick color as we had in the condo, He said today that the bedroom finally feels right. And i know what He means. All the walls inside were the same yellowy-beige, blah, French vanilla color. And, well, we’re not vanilla people (ok, maybe just for an ice cream flavor)!

i have plans to paint Maximus’ office, the family room, kitchen, and entry hall. i’ve not yet figured out a color for my office. After that, i’m pretty much stuck as the rest of the walls go two stories high and we don’t yet have a tall enough A-frame ladder.

It has given me a lot of time to catch up on podcasts though, so that’s been great! i’ve found a new one, thanks to a recommendation Maximus received at the last D/s discussion group, and have a lot to write about after listening to the first dozen podcasts of hers. Vague, i know, but i want to introduce this podcast more formally in its own post.

i’ll try to be more diligent about journalling despite working on big projects. It’s hard, as i’m tired at the end of the day and since Maximus was home all last week, i didn’t want to take time away from Him in the evening to journal, especially since i was so busy during the day and not very interactive with Him. He’s gone the first part of this week, so i should get some writing done. i’ll be heading to Portland the latter part of the week, before Maximus returns, to spend time with a dear friend who’s going through a rough time after a breakup. i’ll try to write when i’m down there too.

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Feminism in Lifestyle and D/s

girls women females

Feminism is the ability to choose what you want to do – Nancy Reagan

i started writing this several months ago, and just hadn’t finished it. It’s something that comes up now and again in D/s…how does feminism fit in the lifestyle and aren’t you setting women back a century by submitting to a man? i even worried about this when Maximus and i were first starting.

For me, feminism is about having the choice to do whatever the hell it is you want to do rather than being held within the constraints of social expectation. The key word there is choice. As a feminist, i decide what it is i want to do, based upon my needs, wants, and desires. This is how i was raised–do whatever it is you want to do, the sky’s the limit. And this is how i have lived my life.

i never picked traditional visions for myself as a young girl. my dreams were to become a doctor, an astronaut, or work in public safety–none of these were “normal” choices when i was a girl. And i persevered, breaking into a non-traditional profession with a group of the first women in my place of occupation of all men. i was very successful and became the first woman to hold leadership where i worked, and climbed through the ranks to be a “leader of men” so to speak. i was great at it, it fit me, and i loved it.

And then i needed a change. It was my choice. i decided that this role was no longer feeding my soul, but service, a big part of what i did in that occupation, certainly did. Maximus offered me the opportunity to pursue that with Him, and after careful consideration, i retired and came to be with Him in our 24/7 CEO/COO D/s relationship.

i know for many my choice makes no sense to them. How could i go from a “position of strength” to a “position of weakness”–essentially throwing away my feminist power? The truth is, i didn’t. i’m not weak, i’m not helpless, i didn’t throw away my power–i discovered how to use my strengths and power in a way that serves both Maximus and me. And i chose it, because i have the power to make choices in my life.

Maximus is my Dominant and i am His submissive, but it is my responsibility to make sure this household runs smoothly and efficiently. i run the tactical side of our house while He runs the strategic side–that is my service to Him. He does not micromanage me, He certainly hasn’t got time for that, and i operate within defined parameters with my autonomy intact, able to make decisions. Maximus desired me for my strength and leadership, someone He could delegate to, and would never want me to be a shrinking violet, requiring huge amounts of direction.

Being His submissive allows me to use my skills, all my non-traditional skills i have acquired and developed throughout my life. And it allows me to embrace my femininity, something i pushed away during my career. To me, it feels more balanced, and i am happier. Does it negate my earlier life? No, i think it honors it, that i can continue to use those skills to help others and myself.

i suppose this is rambling, but the key to it is that this was my choice, not an expectation i bowed down to. This is why i characterize my submission as a gift (which is another area of contention with many others in D/s). First, i am gifted as a submissive, it is my gift or talent, and i use it to serve. Second, it was my choice to give my submission to Maximus, a gift i gave freely and fully, not to be taken back. i believe this is the greatest attribute to feminism, the choice to decide what is best for ourselves, and to do it unapologetically, loud and proud.

Categories: 24/7, balance, BDSM relationship, D/s, Dom/sub, feminism, submissive, submissive housewife, Total Power Exchange, TPE | Tags: | 1 Comment

No Thanks?


i have been perplexed over the past couple of years over thank you notes. Its not about writing them, its about receiving them, the lack thereof that is. When i was growing up, writing thank you notes was a requirement. my mother would not let us open presents, any presents (Christmas, birthday, etc.), without having a notepad and pen to write down who had given us what, so that we would be prepared to write thank you notes later that day or the next, at the latest. We wrote them out, usually on handmade drawn cards when we were kids, and took them to Mom to go over and mail off. We often dreaded this, but knew it was a requirement, grace and acknowledgement for someone spending the time to get us a gift or do something special for us.

i continue this practice as an adult. To me, its what you do, the right thing, and i don’t even give it a second thought. i have a collection of pretty thank you and blank note cards and sit down right away to write a little note to friends, family, others who have done something nice, such as giving us a gift or inviting us over for dinner or a party, coming up to visit for the weekend, etc. i admit that sometimes i do send an email thank you, if the situation warrants it, such as sending a note on FetLife to thank the host of an event or to others i’ve met and want to thank them for their kindness and future friendship. But generally, i hand write notes, even to my family. i leave them on Maximus’ desk for Him to go over and sign, and then i mail them off.

But i rarely receive any. At most, i get them from wedding/baby showers, but not other gifts given. Why is that? What happened to etiquette? It irks me, and i think, “am i so old that i am doing something completely old-fashioned and out of mode?” i don’t think so.

i did a little research on it and found an article on AARP that said newer generations do not appreciate the thank you note. The same with an article on Good Housekeeping. Those are just two of many. But i just don’t buy into this generation’s thought that we should ignore good etiquette and stop being mindful and appreciative–because that’s what a thank you note is. The Emily Post Institute concurs, thank you notes are just good practice and the right thing to do.

Perhaps we haven’t done a good job at teaching our future generations they why and how of writing thank you notes. The first holiday i had with Maximus where we didn’t receive thank you notes from His kids or grandchildren, i was confused and asked if i had offended them or if they just don’t send thank yous, either in writing or by email. He assured me that they adored their gifts but that thank you notes were not a priority when they were raised–they go on the verbal thank yous when they receive the gifts. But this occurs even if i wasn’t around when they opened the gift, such as when i send a gift with Maximus if He’s off the see the kids or grandkids without me for one reason or another. i didn’t raise them, and i understand there is a difference in how i might have, so i don’t get offended anymore, but i am a wee bit disappointed. It doesn’t deter me from sending them thank you notes for our gifts, however.

So rather than just complaining, i thought i’d share some resources on writing thank you notes, in case someone is struggling with how to do it.

And on that note…


Categories: Class, Etiquette, submissive housewife, Values | Tags: | Leave a comment

Happy Holidays, 2016!

happy-holidays-16Wishing you all a happy and joyful holiday, whichever holiday you are celebrating! May your heart overflow with joy!

Maximus and i are spending a quiet Christmas day together. We slept in, Maximus actually slept longer than i did, which is something He needed, and we’ve had a lovely morning together. Several weeks ago we decided to forgo exchanging presents this Christmas, as we have given each other so much this year already. The day is to be spent together, doing things we enjoy, and reveling in our love for each other.

i made breakfast, a yummy Pumpkin French Toast Casserole, figured out where to put the camera tripod up for the annual family photo at tomorrow’s family Christmas celebration here at the new house, took a bath together, will go to see a movie at our favorite theater, have a training session, and Maximus has plans for some sexual playtime! A perfect day!

Tomorrow chaos will ensue! Just kidding, Maximus’ kids and grandkids will be here tomorrow for gifts and dinner, and we are so excited! It’s the first Christmas in our new house and one of His daughters and her family haven’t been here yet, so we are excited to share that with them. i’ve decorated our table, with all the leaves in it, as we finally have a dining room with space for it, and we have a kids table set up as well. It will be a first for us to all sit down and eat together rather than cramming together on the couch and in any space we can find to eat.

So, wishing you all a lovely day as well. Love to all!

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Feeding the Dominant


A few weeks ago i noted that Maximus eats a plate of almond butter for lunch, and well, i got into a little bit of hot water over that, as He reminded me that there is an apple on that plate along with the almond butter. The point was that Maximus tends not to fix Himself lunch if i am not around, despite there being loads of great food options for Him. i have always cooked for leftovers, its in my upbringing, and i always have food on hand that can be quickly assembled and/or heated up. However, it’s come to my attention that Maximus hasn’t recognized this, thus the almond butter (and apple), and i am the one eating the leftovers or freezing them for later to keep food from spoiling. i abhor throwing food away and i need to be mindful of our grocery budget.

So after some discussion about this, we have devised a plan to help Maximus have more options for lunches and snacks, which helps us go through the leftovers and prevents me from absolute boredom from eating the same lunch all week long. Maximus wants to know what there is to eat! We settled on a magnetic notepad that i can keep on the front of the refrigerator that has a running tally of what there is to eat and where to find it. So far, its working great! We’ve made it through all the leftovers this week without having to freeze anything, and things, like oranges, aren’t spoiling.

It just takes a tiny bit of prep on my part. i simply list things as the week goes and cross things out when they are gone. It helps me quickly see what needs replenishing too. i make sure everything is labeled and prepped (turns out He hates to peel oranges, so if i have a baggie of peeled oranges at the ready, He will devour them!). Things that i find easy to gather and prepare for lunches are not so handy for Him, but if i prep them and bag them up together, He will happily do it.


Case in point, Maximus loves Asian noodles, like soba or udon, in broth with vegetables. i found frozen soba noodles at the Asian market, with six individual serving packs of noodles to a package. i put a small package of frozen noodles and a couple handfuls of frozen Asian mixed veggies into a quart ziplock bag marked “Soba Noodles” in the freezer and have a big bag of homemade Asian broth i’ve frozen in ice cube trays. Maximus grabs a couple handfuls of broth cubes, brings them to a boil in a saucepan, and then adds the frozen noddles and veggies, and voilà! His favorite lunch in minutes!

Its so much healthier for Him and He finds that it gets Him out of His office and away from His computer for a little while, which is a really good thing.

But i’m not a total prude…there are still apples and almond butter…and Christmas cookies!





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Thinking Back Inside the Box

Maximus and i had a good discussion last night about the excessive shoe purchases last weekend and He is allowing me to return the Christian Louboutin shoes. He’ll take them back Friday. It really bothered me and i have felt extremely guilty about them. 

He did make sure i understood that i need to be more careful in the future about trying things on in His presence, because His inclination is to reward me with things i like. i think this includes more than just shoes and material things. Lesson learned. 

Categories: BDSM relationship, Christian Louboutin Red Bottomed Shoes, discipline, submissive housewife | Leave a comment

Wine Service


One of the requests Maximus has had for me is to get education and training for wine service. Actually, He wants me to become a sommelier, but as i am concerned that would considerably take me away from the time He needs from me (not the training, as i finished graduate school after i moved in, but putting sommelier training to use in a job) and i am enjoying being retired, we have settled on more general wine training. Maximus has collected wine for many years, while i am fairly new to wine. i had gone wine tasting prior to being with Maximus, including a weekend trip i bought at an auction once, but don’t have a big knowledge of wine. Maximus is always impressed on how i can pick up on the nuances of taste and smell when we are tasting, and He makes it a game, with Him comparing the tasting notes while i tell Him what i pick up.

So i found a beginner’s course that is a continuing education class at a local community college. This class meets one night a week for several weeks and introduces wine types, grapes, varietals, many wine regions, as well as the basics of reading a wine label. The sommelier will also go over hints for smart buying, proper storing, and aging, as well as  a discussion of wine-and-food pairing guidelines. i am excited and bought a registration for RunnerGirl to go with me as a Christmas present, as we are always looking for fun things to go out and do together.

i think the timing is great as we are planning our wine cellar room and i should get some great tips on what to do in there. We have racking and the wine has always been stored in a sealed, cool closet, our wine cooler, or cool basement, but we have lost some wine to spoilage and i’m not sure whether it’s because of its age (some is over 15 years old) and being stored past its prime, or if we need to store some varietals differently.

The course starts in February and i’m super excited!

Categories: BDSM relationship, submissive housewife, training, wine | Leave a comment

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