Tomorrow morning i head up to Maximus’ for the weekend. It’s the shortest planned trip i’ve ever had there but jammed packed with activities. We’ll be spending the evening with Mountain Man and Sunflower (they conveniently left some items at my home that we need to return) and then will be going to a bondage workshop the following afternoon. We are really looking forward to the workshop, as it is our first one. This class covers genital bondage and Maximus has been dying to learn how to do breast bondage. i was so excited to find this class for Him!
Monthly Archives: November 2012
i’ve been thinking a lot about control and balance. From an outsider’s perspective, a BDSM relationship looks out of balance, someone relinquishing complete control to someone else, becoming powerless. But the fascinating thing, when done respectfully and correctly, is that a BDSM relationship is completely balanced, a partnership that celebrates communication, honor, respect, love, trust, adoration, giving and receiving, tenderness, honesty, and strength–things that people often complain losing in their relationships.
Most people would be absolutely shocked to learn i was in a D/s relationship. On the outside, my life appears all about power, strength, control, orderliness. i work in a non-traditional field for women, having not only broken a glass ceiling, but obliterating it. i am take-charge, focused, a leader of men, convert chaos into calm, hold high expectations for myself and others, and it has been said i have the biggest balls of anyone. my picture appears in the dictionary next to the phrase, “Type A.” i own my home, my car, and everything in my life was purchased by me. my finances, retirement, paperwork are all in perfect order and i support myself. i live in a “model home” (an attempted slam uttered by ex-husband #2 as i escorted him out of my home the final time) that is clean and orderly all the time. i push myself in the sport of triathlon, distance running, pushing myself through endurance events other people shake their head at.
But on the inside, my core, what most people fail to observe, is my desire to serve and please. All of the above traits and attributes are products of this desire. my career is all about serving others, 100%. i wrestle chaos so others can have calm and recovery, often jeopardizing my personal safety and sanity to do it. i lead others in a philosophy that the leader, the pinnacle of the org chart, is in the position to serve everyone in the organization so they have the tools and environment they need to be successful–i think the org chart is upside down. my worst fear is to fail someone, especially someone i care for or love. People see me as a perfectionist, but my truth is that i hate making a mistake and disappointing anyone.
i have to have order to relax, to dwell in my sanctuary of calm, to quiet my mind. But i hate telling people to clean and will exhaust myself achieving a clean and orderly environment. i get disappointed and frustrated having to tell someone else to pick up after themselves, something they should know to do–i don’t like to be the dominant one about this. This has been a problem in previous relationships, because i cannot relax, continuously clean and harbor feelings of discontent from this lack of balance. i have been accused of being “bossy,” had husbands call me by my job title in my own home, something which i find demeaning and infuriating, because being dominant in a relationship is not comfortable for me. This carried into financial matters as well, when i felt my spouse’s financial decisions, or lack thereof, put me and his family at risk. i need a strong, orderly partner so i can submit and be calm.
Then what is it about endurance sports? Triathlon is a sport of pushing limits, going beyond what your body or mind think is possible, pushing through pain and doubt, riding on endorphins. my race medals hang on a rack that says, “Never limit your challenges, Challenge your limits.” i think this holds absolutely true in BDSM.
For me, being submissive provides structure and order. i get a sense of peace not having to make decisions. i get to swim in pools of absolute adoration from Maximus, be cradled in His body, stroked, calmed. He helps me push my limits, revel in the rush of endorphins, and be under His sole protection. i get to please Him, oh how i get to please Him. In bondage, i am held in structure, able to relax into my surroundings. But i have not lost control–there is a balance. i can ask for what i want, although i may not get it right when i want; my pleasure is His pleasure as well, He just decides when and where. And i always have the ability to use a safeword.
We are not 24/7, but many of these things carryover in our relationship outside of BDSM. i trust Maximus implicitly and this is not relegated only to our BDSM relationship, it’s essential to our entire relationship. my desire to please Him does not shut off outside of BDSM, nor does my honor or respect. He owns my body and soul, but He honors my free will, respects my time, supports my endeavors.
i feel more in balance now than i have ever felt. i have had times where my career dominated every bit of my life–it was my job, my area of scholastic study, the source of all my friendships, was a career i shared with my spouse and therefore included much of our communication. i never felt so out of control and we lost our marriage. my second marriage was to a man who gave the appearance of strength, but it was artificial, positional, required me to be dominant and then was thrown back into my face. i gave all of myself without receiving adoration or honesty or respect. i lost my soul and it has taken years to recover it.
Loving BDSM is about balance. It is about trusting completely, sharing, and allowing someone to take you to new heights you didn’t know existed and couldn’t achieve alone–this stands true for the Dominant as well as the submissive. i love Maximus for seeing my truth, something no one else had the ability to find.
The Book of my Life
Sex with Friends
|Beautiful heart-shaped leaf from our walk along the river|
Who needs Words with Friends when you can have Sex with Friends!!
What a wonderful weekend! Mountain Man and Sunflower came to visit. i met Mountain Man and Sunflower through Maximus very early on in our friendship and felt an immediate connection with them. i have played with them with and without Maximus and even with others without Maximus, and it is the same for Him, with and without me and with others with them. Our connection with this couple is beyond sexual, it is a genuine, wonderful friendship that i (we) cherish very much.
They are also moving into BDSM and he has rope/knot tying experience that we are hoping to learn. Mountain Man has some experience as a sub and identifies himself as a switch. They haven’t written a contract yet but have plans to.
When they arrived Saturday, Sunflower exclaimed, “We just learned of this amazing new couple on [website name omitted]!” referring to an online lifestyle site that Maximus and i are on together as a couple, “and I can’t wait to learn more about this!” Maximus and i had been on that site as singles for years and began a couple’s profile in September after talking about taking our relationship to the next level (not BDSM, but a more committed relationship). i hadn’t advertised it to a lot of our lifestyle friends, although some found us. i’m not sure why i didn’t advertise it….i think i just didn’t want to thrust it in peoples’ faces and there were friends that i worried might feel hurt that He and i were making this step together rather than He or i and them. We weren’t a paid member of that site until last weekend, so i couldn’t post testimonials/certifications until then, and Maximus asked me to do that for our friends after we upgraded. Sunflower and Mountain Man were extremely excited that we were an official couple (as proved to them by our “new” couples profile).
We headed out for a walk along a beautiful lake not far from my home. The weather was perfect, a partly cloudy, crisp Pacific Northwest winter day. Sunflower immediately asked for me to talk to them about our couple status. So we walked together and talked about us, not into specific details, necessarily, as they don’t need to know everything, but a general overview and how we got here. Mountain Man is very interested in our contract, in fact, he had been pressing for Appendix 2 (my BDSM activities list) several weeks ago when he first learned we had done this, but i don’t think it’s necessary for him to have this. i’ve posted the contract and rules here (see Our Contract and Rules post), but its done so in anonymity–its too personal to share with someone who knows us. They did want to know how Ms. W fit into this equation, and i explained that she is a very dear friend of Maximus’, that our two relationships were at different levels, and they would continue to play together. They have known Ms. W for quite some time and have spent time with Maximus and her together. i did share a bit how i struggled with understanding the differences in our relationships at first, how it had been essential for me to understand that to proceed. i also shared how important it was for me to learn how to trust again, after my last failed relationship left me with a fear of dishonesty. We also talked about how it was unfortunate for us learn that our [Ms. W and mine] personalities don’t mesh, which appears to make her feel uncomfortable, thus preventing us to be all together. Sunflower said something that was very insightful, that she felt that Ms. W’s past probably contributed to her discomfort…something that i had not considered. What i didn’t know, was that Mountain Man had a similar relationship, perhaps even more than what Maximus has with Ms. W (he still loves this other woman and their relationship together didn’t proceed because she was (is) married and lives across the country). It was extremely helpful for me to hear them talk about this relationship, how it affected their relationship, and how they are both at peace with it.
We returned home and worked on dinner. Maximus had been a little disappointed that i wasn’t wearing my tail when they arrived (i knew we were going to be going for a walk, so i was dressed accordingly), so i dressed for cooking…wearing my beautiful foxtail in a short little black dress…later in just an apron. They LOVED my tail, but then REALLY loved it when they realized it was a buttplug, not part of my dress! Mountain Man asked me to play the piano for him, so i flipped my tail back and sat bare ass on the piano bench with my tail hanging behind me off the bench. When we got up…i had left a puddle of pussy juices on the bench, which really excited him!
We had a lot of time to play after dinner went in the oven. We started at the dining table. Sunflower was sitting in a chair and i straddled her, facing her, and we took turns savoring each others breasts. Mountain Man was with us and we turned on him, savoring his wonderful cock. They took turns stroking my tail, which was so lovely! We took pics and shared them with Maximus, enjoying texting Him.
|i wore my tail the whole time!|
We moved upstairs and placed Sunflower on her back to i could pleasure her. She has the most responsive clit and i love to work on her orally to make her come. Mountain Man watched, carressed us, telling us how wonderful we were, and then received oral from her while i pleasured her. Suddenly, i got this intense desire to fuck her pussy with a dildo, however, i had this picture in my mind of a harness that i’d seen online, a dildo that straps to someone’s chin. i don’t have one of those, but instead i grabbed the double-ended dildo i bought to go in the harness, putting the smaller end in my mouth and fucking her pussy with the large end. IT WAS AMAZING!! Her pussy juices covered my face as thrusted into her, the cock pushing into my throat, all the while i could hear her moans and gasps of pleasure. He moved behind me and fucked my pussy from behind, forcing my face into her pussy with every grind into me. Wow!
After she and i came multiple, multiple times, the two of them flogged and cropped me. It was the first time for Sunflower to use a crop on someone and Mountain Man enjoyed that thoroughly. They used the crop on my thighs and groin, which was amazing. Mountain Man then entered me in missionary position and she continued to crop and flog us. i begged for her to strike my breasts hard with the crop and oh, it was heaven!
|My first ropework!|
We had to take a brief break to work on some more dinner prep. When we returned, it was decided that Sunflower and i were to dom Mountain Man. We put Mountain Man on his back and Sunflower blindfolded him. She shoved his legs up, placing the bottoms of his feet together, so his cock, balls, and ass were completely exposed. She and i started to flog and crop him, but i noticed that his legs kept coming out of that wonderful position, so i decided to restrain him. i started with the leather cuffs, but that just held his ankles but did not keep the bottoms of his feet together. i began to wrap rope around his feet, but quickly realized it would slip off, so i took the rope over the clip holding the cuffs together and around the wrapping on his feet, and wove the rope around his feet more. i paid close attention to how i placed the rope and it turned out simply beautiful–and very secure. i was extremely pleased with myself! After binding his feet, i took another rope, used a handcuff knot to bind his wrists and then secured that rope to the bed to hold his hands above his head.
|Pegging Mountain Man. i look like i have a penis!|
We flogged and rubbed and caressed Mountain Man. And took breaks to fondle each other loudly next to him. We sucked him and i spent a lot of time sucking his balls, one and then the other, then working to get both of them in my mouth together. Sunflower got her leather Jaguar harness and put it on me, describing to Mountain Man how beautiful it looked on me. She then inserted a dildo into the harness and instructed me to peg Mountain Man. Sunflower grabbed his feet and pulled them up toward his head, bringing his ass up. We lubed my fingers and i began to play with his ass, lubricating and relaxing him before entering him with the dildo. This brought him such pleasure! i finally entered him and Sunflower flogged and cropped him. i grabbed his cock and stroked him but it was hard for me to keep my balance while i was pegging him. i grabbed his legs and Sunflower alternated between stroking and sucking him and we worked him over. We finally instructed him to come, me fucking him and she stroking him firmly, and he came loudly and intensely, come shooting forcefully all the way up onto the underside of his chin and splashing all over his chest! She immediately stroked and licked and tickled his ultra-sensitive cock, making him buck wildly against the restraints. It was so erotic! We then released him and caressed him in aftercare.
His feet were absolutely beautiful when i took off the rope, something that totally surprised me!
|Beautiful indentations on Mountain Man’s foot from the ropework|
We had a wonderful dinner in the afterglow, recounting the events, sharing bits and photos with Maximus, and discussing things we learned/what we might adjust next time. Then we returned to bed for dessert! This time, Mountain Man and Sunflower worked me over, trying to push me into subspace. i never reached subspace, but got into an amazing cycle of orgasms, one right after another in rapid succession, seconds apart, each lasting 30 seconds each, until i was absolutely spent! This went on for 30 minutes. During my aftercare, Sunflower played video she had taken of it–simply amazing! We were totally spent and collapsed into sleep, all together in my bed.
Sunflower left early the next morning to spend the day with an old friend. Before she left we were instructed that when she returned that night, we were to tell her the story of how we spent our day. Specifically, we were to sit on our hands, Mountain Man start with the first half of a sentence and i to finish the last half, until we recounted the whole story.
As soon as she left, Mountain Man boosted me up onto the granite island in my kitchen, kissing me, pushing my black satin robe off my shoulders, and began sucking my nipples and caressing me. He told me how pleased he was with me about the night before and instructed me to tell him what would be the one thing he could do to pleasure me to show his appreciation. i told him i wished for him to lick and suck my clit until i had an orgasm. He laid me back onto the exquisitely cold granite and spread my legs. He licked and sucked my clit, played with my pussy until i came–it was wonderful! He pulled me back up into sitting and i kissed him (“Kiss me like a lover,” he commanded), tasting my juices on his face and tongue.
He took me back to my bed and laid me on my stomach and cuffed my wrists. He told me that he wanted to get me into subspace and asked me what i needed for aftercare so he could soothe me afterward. i told him what i needed and then he entered me, which made me come instantly. He pushed me back down on the bed, held me down, instructed me to relax and be calm, stroking my body, keeping his cock inside me. “This is your safe place,” he said. “You may have small orgasms here, but it is your safe place and i want you to relax here.” He held me there until i relaxed, praising me for doing so, and i had small rolling orgasms on him. He then returned to fucking me and i could feel a huge orgasm building. i begged to come and he gave me permission to come once, which i did, then coached me to go back to my safe place again. i asked to come again and he reminded me that i could have small orgasms in my safe place. He repeated this over and over and over–it was like riding the ocean.
At one point while in my safe place he asked me what i was thinking. i had been thinking about being with Maximus, specifically two things. i told Mountain Man that i wanted him to use the crop on my pussy lips (i adored this when Maximus did this to me) and that i wanted him to contact Maximus so He could give him instructions on what to do with me, but that i didn’t want to know what Maximus had directed him to do.
Mountain Man then transitioned to a new sequence, starting from my safe place. He told me that he was going to slowly stroke his cock in and out of me and that i was to count two full strokes, not come during these, but then he would grind forcefully into me and i was to come once and then it would repeat. He did this over and over. He returned me to my safe place and changed the count to three and repeated, and then four. It was delicious, but did not push me into subspace. The left side of my face kept going into involuntary spasms while it was pressed into the bed, something i’ve never experienced before.
He then removed my cuffs, rolled me over and flogged and cropped me all over my body. i was not to move. He increased the intensity and then pulled back and repeated. He fucked me in between, bringing back the 2, 3, or 4 stroke rules at random. This went on and on and i could feel myself getting to an edge. i wanted him to come and didn’t want to make us stop until he did, but i could feel that i was getting closer and closer to my limit. i kept telling myself to hold on, convincing myself not to tell him i was at my limit, but finally i had to tell him. i gasped, “oh i’m at my yellow limit,” (or something to that effect) and he instantly lowered the intensity of that stroke, but it blasted me over the edge and i broke into emotional sobs, having waited through my yellow to the edge of red to tell him. He reached under my neck and pulled me into him and i sobbed into his chest. He cupped my sex, rolled onto his side and i curled into the fetal position into him and he held me in my aftercare.
His aftercare was very different than Maximus’. He was very quiet and held me still, where Maximus talks to me and strokes me (which i adore). We laid together for quite a while and then i was able to talk. i felt wonderful and i made sure he knew. He then told me what time it was and i was absolutely amazed…we’d been at this for two hours! No wonder i hit a limit! He went down and returned with coffee and joined me in a bath where we made plans for the rest of the day.
|Amazing alder leaf on our walk|
We ended up going for coffee at a great little coffee shop i love, for a walk along the riverfront, and then shopped for things we needed for dinner that night. We both texted Maximus and Sunflower and checked in with them. Mountain Man told me he had received instructions from Maximus for later.
During our walk, Mountain Man asked me a wonderful question. “What is the thing that you love about Maximus the most?” i replied, “His energy.” i explained, “His energy fills the room and it’s electric. It’s the first thing i noticed about Him when i first met Him years ago. i was entering our friends home with my husband and He walked into the great room while we were saying our hellos and the room immediately filled with energy. His energy fills me and this is the only relationship i’ve ever had that has given me energy rather than sucked it out of me. He’s my biggest fan and just energizes me.” i then told Mountain Man about the Things i Want or Need list that i found and told Him how Maximus hit every one of the bullet points (i didn’t elaborate on the specific points, other than be my biggest fan), and He asked if i’d told Maximus about this. i noted that i had written about it in my submissive’s journal (my blog–they don’t know about my blog, i have only described it as my online sub journal) that Maximus reads and that we would most assuredly talk about it when we were together again, as we do that.
We returned home, worked on dinner prep and had some lunch, then we returned to the bedroom. As i undressed, Mountain Man observed my matching panties and bra and asked me to leave them on. i knelt down in front of my fireplace on the white fur rug and took him into my mouth (he is very well endowed, girth and length). i then learned that Maximus’ instructions were not for something that he was to do to me, but for something i was to do to Mountain Man! Such a crafty master, my Maximus! My task was to deep throat Mountain Man while he slowly counted to ten. Maximus loves to watch me take cocks deep down my throat. Mountain Man asked me how i wanted to do this and i explained that i wanted to lay on my back on the bed with my head hanging back off the edge and have him stand and put his cock down my throat. i was very concerned that i had eaten just a mere 5 minutes before we came upstairs and i was admonishing myself about insisting that i not be told what Maximus’ request was (i wished Mountain Man had distracted me from eating!). i failed my first attempt. When Mountain Man got to 7, i gagged and vomited into my mouth, but swallowed it. Mountain Man briskly flipped me over on my stomach and spanked me hard three times. Oh wow! Ok then, i’ll show YOU! I thought! He flipped me back over and put his cock down my throat and began counting again…and i went to 11.5!!!
Mountain Man immediately texted Maximus, “Mission complete. What is her reward?” Maximus replied, “Good girl, i will reward her later.” Grin!
Now, i assumed Maximus would have had a different instruction for Mountain Man. Each time i texted Him, He asked if i’d had anal with Mountain Man, so i figured His instruction would be for Mountain Man to fuck my ass. Silly girl, Maximus isn’t Mountain Man’s dom–he’s mine! Mountain Man asked what he could do to reward me and i told him what i had thought Maximus’ instruction would be and that i would like my reward to be having him fuck my ass so i could tell Maximus i had anal sex with Mountain Man. He gladly agreed to my request. He lubed and fingered my ass for quite a while, preparing me for entry. i then moved to my side and he entered me slowly (i have learned that i need to lay on my side for the first entry into my ass, i’m not sure why, but it works). After he was in, i returned to my knees and he pounded my ass, pulling my hair like i love. He was so vocal about how good it felt and i could tell he was holding off his orgasm. After about 30 minutes i was getting to where i needed a break so i asked him to come in my ass and he came IMMEDIATELY, roaring! It was spectacular.
We cuddled a bit and then returned downstairs to make dinner. As soon as we sat down to eat, Maximus texted that The Englishman was at His house and wanted to Skype with me. Mountain Man and i visited with The Englishman all through dinner. Maximus prompted us in the background for us to tell The Englishman about some of our forays and we could see Him showing The Englishman pictures from His phone. We all had a ball! Maximus looked so good in the background, so happy–it made my heart smile. While we were talking with The Englishman, Maximus texted me, “Love you baby,” and i melted.
Sunflower was delayed and didn’t get back until late. She watched the last half of a movie with us and then we went up to bed. It was midnight and frankly, i was exhausted! i would have played if they wanted, but it appeared Mountain Man was tired as well. i realized as i was preparing for bed that we hadn’t told Sunflower about our day. i mentioned this when i climbed in with them, and Sunflower informed me that Mountain Man was “grounded” because he told her he was too tired to tell her. Oh no! i thought. This can’t be good. So i told her i didn’t want to be grounded and told her the story of the day while he laid between us. She asked what i meant when i told her he had pushed me over the edge earlier that morning and i described it–and she immediately gave him an exploding fist bump, so i felt a little better about this. We then started off to sleep.
But then Sunflower got up 20 minutes later… i was concerned and asked her if she was ok and she replied that she couldn’t sleep and was going to go down and play with her Kindle. i was very concerned and expected Mountain Man to follow her. However, after she’d been gone about a minute, it was obvious he wasn’t moving, so i nudged him and told him to go see if she was ok. He did and i could hear them talking for an hour and a half, nothing heated, it was a normal conversation with giggles (i couldn’t hear what they were saying, just their voices). They never returned to bed with me and were in the guest room when i woke in the morning. She came down in the morning while i was on the couch with coffee and my laptop, texting Maximus. i checked with her and she said she was absolutely fine; she has chronic pain and has a difficult time falling asleep without exhausting herself first with her Kindle or sex. Since we didn’t have sex she was restless.
We had breakfast and they departed for home, lots of hugs and kisses and loves.
Maximus called me after they left and he praised me for my good decision to have Mountain Man go check on Sunflower. He agreed that it would have been inappropriate for Mountain Man to sleep alone with me in my bed and that it was important that i ensured they were ok by sending Mountain Man down to check on her. It made me happy on both counts, that i pleased Maximus and that i took care of my friends.
Sunflower and Mountain Man left a few items behind, so we will be getting together with them next weekend while i am up visiting Maximus. We are all looking forward to our foursome!
Our Contract and Rules
This is part of our contract and our rules. Appendix 2 refers to our BDSM activities list that i have not included here. This is our first contract, which we’ve amended already, and i’m sure is just the first of several revisions as we grow together through this adventure.
Missing from Me
tu me manques
you are missing from me
Maximus is with Ms. W. He told me He would text while He was there and i said i wouldn’t text Him because i thought it would be rude to interrupt. i’m regretting that now, i miss hearing from Him.
Mountain Man and Sunflower are delayed a few hours, which makes His absence feel more acute, no distraction while i’m waiting for them or Him.
i’m fine, just missing Him.
i went through my documents folder on my computer today to clean things up–you know how messy those folders can get. As i scrolled through, i found a file called “things i want or need.doc.” Maximus recently asked me for a Christmas list, something i dread making, and i thought, hey, a Christmas list! i opened it and wow, what did i find…
i don’t remember making this list, but it was from two and a half years ago, right after i got divorced. i think it was a premonition…
because it’s Maximus.
- Bring me soup when I’m sick
- Always tell me goodnight when I’m at work
- Flowers or something that shows they were thinking of me
- Clean up after themselves and even me sometimes
- Hold my hand
- Be my biggest fan
- Like their family, including their parents and siblings
- No secrets, don’t lock their computer or hide their texts
- I am not raising their children. They need to be grown up
- Excellent credit, clean background check
- Communicate for conflict resolution. No verbal hostage holding
- Hold me if I cry
- Play cards, watch movies, run, cycle, do things together
There’s nothing on that list that is not Him. Well, i’ve not been sick, but i know He would bring me soup if i ever were…He is doting and makes sure i’m well taken care of all the time.
Perhaps i was carrying this list in my heart…or perhaps He was carrying it for me in His.
Lost in Subspace
This should be an easy blog to write, having spent five amazing days with Him in and out of D/s play…but when i start to think about it, i realize much of it runs together and i can’t distinctly remember some of it as i was lost in subspace some of the time! i’m not complaining, it was unfrickingbelievable! Just makes blogging about it difficult! i need a video camera i think! Hmmmmm…..there’s a thought!
i think i’ll do this Rachel Kramer Bussel-style
i’m surprising Him…i came up to His place this morning, He’s in Phoenix for work until tomorrow night. A few months ago He mentioned how much He loved how i faux painted my cast concrete fireplace surrounds to look like stone and that someday He’d love for me to do His. i’ve been planning this for several weeks, knowing that i had extra time off before our planned time together this long weekend. i spent today priming and painting two coats of base color and will spend tomorrow finishing it up in time for His arrival home in the evening.
He keeps calling all day. i love this! i put Him on speaker phone while we talk and He asks if i’m in the bathtub…He’s trying to figure out what i’m doing while we are talking and i can tell He’s wondering why i’m there so early. i make things up. i hope He likes this and i hope there aren’t repercussions that i have been, essentially, lying to Him for two days to do this.
i had to pack my huge suitcase for this trip to accommodate all the toys and clothes for everything we have planned. It’s full, huge, heavy, difficult to get up the stairs! For the first time, i’ve unpacked my bags and moved into the empty drawers in the dresser and under my sink in His bathroom. This feels good. i put all the toys in the bottom dresser drawer, line up my sexy boots and shoes in His closet, and stow away my empty suitcase into the guest room closet. i’m home. This gives me butterflies.
i’m exhausted. We talked on the phone, i had some wine, and i can’t stay up any longer. i get down the “Fun Stuff” bag from the closet shelf, pull out the Hitachi-style corded vibrator, and give myself a fantastic orgasm before drifting off to sleep. i wrap myself in His sheets, hug His pillows, dream of Him here with me.
i spend the morning masking off the fireplace to prepare for faux painting. i want to start early so i have it completely finished, including two coats of shiny polyurethane, when He walks in tonight. He’s on the road today, calls me all day again. i love hearing His voice.
|i did not wear panties|
He texts from the plane, “Ok. Hot chick eating your pussy while I fuck her. Your eyes and mine on each other.” i reply, “tomorrow.” We are going to a swinger party tomorrow that friends of His are hosting at their home. i am trembling inside, i can hardly stand the four hour wait until i see Him again. i take a bath, put on my long, off-the-shoulder black lace dress that He’s only seen on Skype. i know it’s early, but i just need to be sexy. i insert my tail, it shows through the shear lace, so sexy. The fireplace looks awesome.
i hear His car. He walks in, “I’m home!” and goes first into His office to drop off His computer bag. He walks into the great room, stops in His tracks and exclaims, “Oh my God!” and stands there with His mouth dropped open. “I love it!” i am so pleased. i get up from the couch, “Wow, look at you! Oh, your tail!” He says. We embrace and kiss; i am so glad He’s here. i’ve surprised Him, genuinely, finally! We talk while He unpacks, have some soup i’ve made, and then we go to bed together, at last.
“I thought I’d be too tired for sex tonight, but I want you,” he says as He rolls me over, gets on top and enters me. i’ve been swishing my tail against His legs and over his cock and balls. He feels so good. He brings me to orgasm over and over. i come so hard that i push the glass butt plug completely out. He comes inside me, replaces the tail in my ass, and we curl up to sleep. He wakes me two more times during the night to make love; He doesn’t come, however, as we have a party tomorrow night and He’s trying to conserve Himself.
We wake in the morning and cannot keep ourselves from each other. While He’s in me i tell Him, “gabriella is looking forward to playing with Maximus this weekend.” So far, it has not been g and M, understandably. “Mmmmm,” he replies, “Me too.” He rolls me over, slaps my ass and tells me not to come. i let Him know our toys are in the bottom drawer of the dresser. He gets up, returns with the nipple clamps, “I can’t wait to try these.” He puts one on my left nipple, it sears me, i arch my back and gasp. He leaves the other end free, the chain trailing down my chest. “Roll back over,” He commands. “Do you want to come?” “Yes, please, sir, i want to come.” He tells me to count aloud to ten while He fucks me furiously from behind. When i get to nine He tells me to count five more. Oh, He’s so clever! i think. i get to 15, He tells me i’ve been good and can come. EXPLOSION!! He giggles, flips me over, tells me how good i am, tells me to spread my legs, grab my ankles, and pull my legs back toward my ears, legs open. i do this and He inserts His fingers inside my pussy into my sweet spot. He tells me not to come and pounds His fingers inside me. “Oh sir, please don’t make me fail! Please don’t make me fail!” He knows exactly how to make me come. i’m not sure i can hold off. He takes me to the edge, rolls me over and spanks me. He flips me back over and tells me to count to five. i do and explode into another orgasm.
When we are done, He takes me into His arms for my aftercare, telling me how pleased He is. My body is electric, but i can’t explain this wonderful electric feeling i’m feeling. There’s a buzzing in my womb, an energy. i feel like i have an orgasm trapped. i’m laying on my back next to Him, He’s on His side. i explain this, gesturing over my abdomen with a swirling movement with my hand. “i feel like i could have an orgasm right now,” i breathed, “even without you touching me.” “gabriella, come for me, I want you to come,” He said. He tells me to come, how much it would please Him, how much He loves me, and my body seizes into an orgasm! He grabs my hair when i come and it sends me into orgasm again, my body curling as i explode. It is incredible, something i’d only experienced one other time, years and years ago, as i woke myself up in the middle of a wet dream by coming. “Wow!!” He exclaims. “i told you there was something going on in there!” i was so glad He allowed me to come as i don’t think i could have handled the intense energy inside of me much longer. i was grateful for His generosity.
We take a shower and head out for errands, swimming, and a meetup date with a new couple. He’s met this couple years ago, with His ex-wife, JB, but they are into BDSM and JB was not, so the meeting did not go well last time. He really liked them, has seen them at the Club. i’d found them online and He was very excited that they interested me. We are meeting for drinks only as we have a party to go to tonight, and this couple prefers non-play first meetings. Maximus wants me to wear my tail, but none of my dresses are long enough to cover it in public. Instead, i put on my red garter belt and matching bra, no panties, black fishnet stockings under a low-cut red dress that looks like fire and knee high black stiletto boots. Maximus is pleased.
We arrive at the restaurant…well, where the restaurant USED to be just two weeks ago. It’s been torn down and is now a concrete hole surrounded by orange construction barrier fencing! i realize i don’t have their cell numbers, that we’ve only corresponded by email, oh no! We laugh that we’ve had couples not show up before, but have never had the building not be there before! i send a quick email with the situation and my cell number so we can meet elsewhere. After i send my email i see i have one from them with a new location. We see them heading up the escalator to the new place, Maximus drops me off and i call out to them, walking to our new restaurant while He parks the car. E is tall, 6’5″, e is petite, blonde, shy. We hit it off wonderfully, enjoyed drinks and visiting. She is sub to him. We exchange stories and our lifestyles. We decide that we would love to get together again to play. They mention that they do play separately and would be interested in doing that, and we relate stories of playing separately and how we share those experiences. When it’s time to part, we exchange hugs. E and i kiss passionately and he whispers into my ear, “Such a beautiful woman, I’ve enjoyed meeting you.” Ooooh! i can’t wait to tell Maximus.
We run back home to change for our party. We end up on the bed talking about our meeting with E & e and then a very deep conversation about our relationship. Maximus has been having trysts with vanilla women which become very drama-filled quickly. He always tells me about these and asks my opinions which include my recommendation that He stay clear of vanilla women for this very reason. It bothers me immensely to tell Him to stay away from anyone and i worry that this recommendation makes me look possessive and jealous–which i’m not. i tell Him this because i know He prefers drama-free relationships and He appears to not see how trysts with vanilla women will always bring drama. We are going to be late, but this has been an important discussion. i quickly change into my black strapless dress with the short hankerchief hem and red ribbon lacing down the front and matching kneehigh black patent stiletto boots with matching red ribbon lacing up each side–Maximus chooses my outfit.
It takes an hour to get to the party and we talk the whole way, continuing our earlier discussion and more. It is a small group, which is great. The hosts, A&A, are wonderful. Winegirl is beautiful, tall, blonde, voluptuous, wearing black leatherette thong covered with a matching loincloth with rhinestone accents at her hips and a matching bra top. Flyboy is warm and inviting, very tactile. There is a triad with two women, C and M, who are wearing matching black-trimmed pink babydoll lingerie and rhinestone black kitty collars–they are fantastic! They have matching tattoos and BDSM triskele emblem necklaces…ooooh!
i’m missing a collar and am a little envious at this.
Triadguy is solid, bald, gottee’d, a Harley-looking man. There is another couple made up of a quiet white guy wearing shirt and tie with an Asian girl who looks exactly like a vanilla friend of mine, so much so that i almost call her by the wrong name all night. They look new and shy.
We had a wonderful dinner. Maximus sat at one end of the table with Winegirl and triad girls and i at the other between shy guy and Flyboy. Flyboy was very smitten with me and i very much enjoyed flirting and touching and kissing him throughout dinner. He kept whispering how beautiful i was and how much he wanted me. At the end of dinner, Winegirl came over, pulled down the top of my dress and started sucking my nipple. Ooh! i stood up and started kissing her, pulling out her breasts as well. We enjoyed putting on a show for the table. We moved over the the couch, my dress off, boots on, and she laid me back to lick my pussy, enthralled with my piercing. Maximus came over to join. He ended up fucking her from behind while she ate me, our eyes locked, just like His wish He’d texted on the plane. i licked her pussy as well, then Flyboy wanted me to join Him in the hottub in the garage. Maximus came with. i floated on my back with my head resting on His chest while Flyboy licked my pussy–so very, very skilled he was! Others joined us. i got warm and exited, knelt in front of Triadguy outside the tub and gave him a long blowjob, deepthroating him. We eventually all moved upstairs.
The night was wonderful! After Triadguy, i joined Maximus with Winegirl, slipping my fingers into her pussy while He fucked her from behind. i put a finger in His ass and He immediately came in a huge shouting orgasm! After He left the room, Winegirl and i snuggled and played, and she said, “I don’t know what you did, but it made him come immediately and huge!” After we played, i found Flyboy because we’d not yet had a chance to and i was concerned that he might be thinking i was avoiding him. He pulled me into the bedroom, laid me on my back very gently and began caressing me. He entered me, asking me frequently if i was ok, which i assured him i was–he seems very concerned about my well being, which was nice, but after awhile i had to ask him to stop asking, that i would tell him if something was wrong. He flipped me over and told me to watch us in the mirrored closet door. He was wonderful, i came over and over. He took me to the shower and bathed me, so sensually, rubbing me all over with a showerscrub, telling me how beautiful i was. He also washed me hair. i returned the favor and then we got out after we ran out of hot water. We joined everyone in the living room afterward. We ate, visited in the afterglow. Maximus was exhausted and we had a long trip home, so we said our goodbyes and headed back.
i was exhausted. We crawled into bed and i draped myself over Him, and we were both dosing off to sleep. i felt bad that i was dosing off, thinking we should make love in reaffirmation of our devotion to each other, like we prefer to do after being with others. Maximus must have felt the same and i was gently awakened by Him rolling me over in my sleep and taking me.
This is our day, a luxurious day alone together. We woke in each others arms and talked about the night. We had plans to go swim. Our discussion fired our ardor and we made love again. He went downstairs and came back with coffee and His “indulgence” of the Sunday paper in bed. It was a beautiful morning together. He went downstairs again to check work email and i sent Him a message on Skype, “hello gorgeous…imagining you sitting in front of your computer in your robe, cup of coffee, and sexy woman upstairs in your bed…” i padded downstairs to Him to see if He wanted to take a shower before we went off to swim.
|Maximus determined this pic was photoshopped!|
We headed upstairs and started the water, but then He turned off the water and directed me back to bed. i had found the riding crop earlier in His closet next to where the toy bag is kept and had laid it atop the bag on the floor next to the bed. He let out an “Aha!” when He noticed it and directed me onto my stomach. He pulled out the Hitachi-style vibrator, set it on high, and placed it under me, faced downward with the vibrating ball on my clit. Ooooh! The crop trailed softly over my skin, up and down my back, over my ass and down my thighs and then, whack!, smacked my ass. It stung, was amazing! He told me He wanted to make a red mark on my ass in the shape of the end of the crop, as while He was getting ready to fly home i had sent Him a picture of this that i’d found on Facebook. He alternated crop and rubbing out the sting with His hand, trailing the crop over my back. i was instructed not to come; it took everything i had not to. He rammed His cock inside me and ordered me to come twice, which i did explosively, feeling my pussy squeeze tightly around Him each time.
|Note my red ass and swollen labia!|
My mind flipped and all i could think of was feeling the crop slap against my asshole! i begged Him to do this. i don’t know what came over me, i’d never desired this or even thought of it before, but i needed it so badly! The crop came down on my rosebud ass and Awwwww! it was amazing! “Again, harder,” i begged, and Maximus brought the crop down on me again. It was amazing! He alternated cropping my rosebud, fingering me, telling me not to come, ramming His cock into me and giving me the order to release into an orgasm, all while i was riding the vibrator. i then begged for the crop on my pussy. “Crop my pussy lips, please, sir.” Whack! Oh the sting! Whack! it came again. i could feel my labia swell after each strike. i wanted His cock in me so badly! “Please, sir, please put your cock inside me!” Oh Goddess, it’s so unbelievably amazing! He pulled out after allowing me to come on Him again, returning to cropping my pussy and asshole. i lost track of time and space, swirled around subspace. “Oh, your pussy is SO RED!” Maximus exclaimed. “I need to come on that. Roll over!” i rolled over and He fucked me hard, pulled out and came all over my pussy. i was breathless! “Rub it in,” He ordered, and i did, soothing my engorged lips. He helped me up and led me to the shower. My legs were jelly, heart pounding, clit throbbing like i’d never felt before. i embraced Him but lost strength in my legs, sliding down His body and onto the shower floor, my arms wrapped around His legs, water pouring over my head and back. “Oh baby,” He cooed. i held onto Him, my face pressed against His leg, and He washed my body and my hair as i sat helpless in the shower.
After regaining my senses, we dressed and i made breakfast. We went wine tasting and worked on our 2013 goals. This was wonderful. We talked about all aspects of our lives together and separate, intermingling our personal and relationship goals. We came across some things that we missed in our contract and i made notes to amend that–and we realized that we had not yet actually signed our contract, had only the electronic signatures and needed to fix that too. We went grappa tasting as well, so Maximus could show me the beautiful woman at the grappa bar! Maximus wanted to take me to a vegan restaurant for dinner, but i was so tired that i just wanted to have leftovers and cuddle with Him on the couch with a movie. He agreed. i made dinner, we watched a movie, and then we went to bed, at 7 PM!
But we didn’t go to sleep right away…
gabriella had been dying, waiting to use the final toy from the care package that Maximus had sent her two weeks ago–the strap-on. Maximus had told gabriella not to buy any toys but when the care package arrived, there were no dildos to use with the strap-on, so she inquired about this. “gabriella should get what she wants to go in the strap-on.” i promptly went to SheBop in Portland. They were wonderful there and i ended up with two different dildos to go in the harness, a medium sized Silk, one without a penis head, for starter dildo to work on pegging Maximus, and a Nexus Junior, double dildo. i chose the junior because one side is smaller than the other, so i could have a large dildo inside me and a smaller dildo inside Him as we were just starting with pegging for Him.
“Sir, may i please try something with You?” i asked. He said yes. “May i blindfold You?” He smirked and agreed. i found a blindfold and had Him sit back on the bed. He giggled and taunted me as i dug through the bottom drawer for the harness and Silk dildo. i sucked His cock and then told Him to get on His hands and knees. “Oh no!” He teased in a falsetto voice. i lubed up my fingers with the Maximus lube i found (how perfectly awesome is that?!?) and started fingering His ass. i then lubed up the Silk and eased it into His ass, hearing Him gasp. i started easing it in just an inch or so and then out, then back in and then out, reaching down and fondling His cock and balls. i made sure He was ok and He was. Slowly, i began easing it further in each time and then He suddenly pushed back and jammed it all the way into His ass! “Wow! That’s all the way in!” i fucked His ass with it and then pulled it out so i could insert it into the harness. i pulled Him back to the edge of the bed and inserted the dildo into His ass and carefully pushed into Him. It took me a bit to get used to fucking someone, getting my position right. “Oh yah, baby, give it to me!” turned into “Give it to me, is that all you’ve got?!?” He was taunting me, reminding me i was His sub, Domming me while i fucked Him. i pulled out, my straps were too loose, pushed Him forward and climbed up onto the bed, standing behind Him and penetrated Him roughly. He gasped and began taunting me again. i decided He was ready for the double dildo.
i worked to position the larger dildo inside me, letting Him hear me gasp. i tightened the straps, lubed the shaft and head of the new dildo and entered Him. “Oh, wait…Uh!” He cried out. i giggled, “Oh, i thought You wanted me to give it to You!” i eased it in and out in little increments, slowly going all the way in. “Is that all you’ve got?!?” He exclaimed, and i began to ram it into Him, but the dildo inside me slipped out, then it slipped out of Him. “Yes, yes, yes!” He exclaimed and i teased him about getting off when it wasn’t even inside Him! i fixed the harness and rammed into Him and He cried out again. He wanted to hear me come while i was fucking Him. My legs were tired, not being used to fucking someone and He was getting sore, so i removed the strap-on and His blindfold. We laughed at His taunting and i told Him that i really just wanted to ram the large double-ended dildo i use with other women into Him and shut Him up, but that i realized that i was His sub and He was domming me even while i was fucking Him. i cleaned our toys and we crashed into each other to sleep.
We awoke at 7 AM after eleven hours of sleep, completely unlike us. We had coffee. Maximus had work calls today, a lot of them. i made oatmeal for us. Between phone calls, we played, Maximus found the bag of clothespins and tried them on my nipples, very intense, and then on my labia majora. i thought the labial pins would be too intense, but i could barely feel them. i think they would be more intense on the sensitive labia minora, but we didn’t get there! Maximus again controlled my orgasms and we showered afterward. Our shower was very intimate in a very different way. Maximus discussed work issues with me and we bounced ideas about how to handle them. i found this confidence very personal, having Him expose this part of His life with me.
Maximus returned to work and i transferred our 2013 goals to a spreadsheet and updated our contract. i printed out our amended contract and we signed them. i should have waited, though, instead of having us sign the copies during His work–it felt unceremonious, and the signing really did deserve more undivided attention. i returned to the office, knelt in front of Him with the contracts, kissed Him deeply, and told Him i loved Him.
We swam, ran to Home Depot for some clamps (not for me, for the couch! haha!), and came home for lunch. The Englishman was coming today to stay and we were awaiting his arrival. Maximus returned to working and i clamped His sectional couch together, His request for me for the day. The Englishman arrived. Maximus had more work and an evening meeting to attend and then the three of us were going to go see Skyfall, the new James Bond movie. Both Maximus and i were hoping that i would fuck The Englishman again, preferably while He was at the meeting so He could return to find us in the middle of having sex.
The Englishman and i ended up going for a lovely walk in the rain while Maximus worked. We went on a trail i’d run on Day 2. We walked about four miles and talked and talked about relationships, life. He had some questions about Maximus and me and some questions about 50 Shades of Grey which Maximus had loaned him. i didn’t divulge anything about our BDSM but we talked about that aspect of the book a bit, but mostly about the poor writing! i shared with The Englishman how i wasn’t going to marry again and how Maximus had surprised me by sweeping me into a relationship, when i hadn’t planned on being in one again. When i told him this, i said “and then stupid Maximus went and surprised me.” and i felt horrible how that came out! i was trying to add levity to the conversation but in no way do i think Maximus is stupid, nor did i want The Englishman to think that i was putting Him down. i told The Englishman that i didn’t think Maximus was stupid, that it was meant to show my utter shock and surprise at His ability to change my life, and that i loved Him immensely. We were arm-in-arm during our woodsy walk in the pouring rain. It got dark and we arrived home to Maximus soaked to the bone. i stripped off my clothes in the laundry room and Maximus came in and laughed at how wet we’d gotten. i followed Maximus into the office; He inquired if i was going to have sex with The Englishman, and i replied that it did not appear that he was going to be comfortable with that (it was my impression that The Englishman, not being a swinger, is very concerned about intervening in my relationship with Maximus and damaging his relationship with Him). i told Him that i was trying to convince The Englishman to take a shower with me. Maximus then wrote a note on my ass for The Englishman to see in the shower. i was giggling as i left the office and The Englishman asked what was so funny and i told him Maximus had written on my ass. He asked what it said and i replied, “you’ll have to come take a shower with me to read it.” But he declined, as i thought he might. Maximus teased him about that and then quietly pulled me aside and told me, “That’s it, if he’s not going to fuck you, we’re putting on a show for him tonight.” i knew that meant Maximus would be wanting gabriella tonight.
Maximus ordered and picked up dinner for us and then went to His meeting. The Englishman and i watched Dexter. When He returned, we headed off to the movie, settling first in the theater bar where i sat between Maximus and The Englishman and flirted unabashedly with them and the bartender. Maximus laughed that the bartenders probably didn’t know what to think about Him as He’d brought several dates here–that made me giggle! gabriella was giddy with excitement for tonight.
Returning home from the movie, Maximus told The Englishman, “don’t be alarmed by the animal sounds coming from the bedroom tonight,” and The Englishman said, “I’m never alarmed by the animal sounds I hear from your bedroom.” Maximus replied, “you’ve not heard these sounds,” and i said, “please don’t call 9-1-1.” The Englishman chuckled with big eyes and i kissed him goodnight.
Maximus and i went into the bedroom. He shut the door and walked into the bathroom. i quickly peeled off my clothes, opened the bottom drawer and set out the red satin-lined leather wrist cuffs, nipple clamps, and the large and small floggers on the bed. He was talking as He was walking between the bathroom and the closet getting undressed. i quickly knelt down on the floor in the corner of the bedroom as He walked in. “Oh, look how you laid everything out for me. Good girl, gabriella.” i replied, “i hope it’s okay, sir, you’ve not trained me yet how you want me to do that.” “I will, gabriella, I will. You’ve done well.”
He stood me up and sat me down on the bed. He picked up the first cuff and put it on my wrist, but it was loose. When he reached down to pick up the second cuff, i boldly pulled the first cuff right off my wrist and handed it to Him; i did this without thinking and immediately thought, “Oh no, i am going to be punished for that.” He did not punish me, however, to my surprise. He undid the cuff and replaced it. i could see that He was not wrapping the cuff underneath itself, preventing it from getting tight, so i helped Him with that and He got it on properly that time. He did the same for the second cuff and then latched them together behind my back. He laid me back on the bed onto my clasped arms, opened my legs, and began to flog my thighs and pussy. He flogged my breasts and then placed clothespins on each nipple, sending searing sensations through my body. He rammed His cock into me, making me gasp and exclaiming, “Oh, your mouth opens every time I ram my cock into you!” He pulled Himself out, hesitated for a moment before ramming back into me, noting my mouth opening, then repeating that over and over with a warning for me not to come. He then flipped me over and began flogging my ass, moving to the crop, striking my rosebud ass and pussy. Being on my front twisted the clothespins, but they stayed in place, but also allowed me to bury my face in the bedding to muffle my cries from The Englishman who was just across the hall.
Maximus flipped me over onto my back and rammed into me over and over, increasing in speed. He told me to tell Him when i was going to come. i could feel it coming and told Him i was getting closer and closer. Then suddenly, i was hitting the edge and exclaimed i was starting to come. Unexpectedly, He reached up with both hands and suddenly simultaneously removed both clothespins from my nipples, threw them onto the bed, and grabbed both breasts and squeezed them! All the air sucked out of my lungs and searing pain from the release of the clothespins pulled me immediately into deep subspace as i simultaneously came. It was like one of those underwater nuclear explosions where the inital blast goes off and you see the shockwave fly through the water in a concentric circle from the center, immediately followed by another wave flying back into the center of the blast as water rapidly returns to fill the vacuum from the initial blast, shooting upward out of the surface as the water collides into itself. Video below (watch without the narration):
i don’t know how long i was gone. Silent tears streamed out of my eyes, i wasn’t crying, i was completely overwhelmed. Maximus was telling me how wonderful i was, how amazing i had been, how beautiful i was. i couldn’t speak or move. He kissed me and helped me up to standing and told me to go in and brush my teeth and come back to bed. i could hardly brush my teeth. i came back and curled into Maximus, who held me and stroked me, carressing me with His hands in His affirmations of love and adoration, telling me i was safe. The aftercare was amazing and i felt completely safe, even though i never, ever felt that i wasn’t. i fell asleep with my tears on His chest, my heart swollen with love.
i awoke at 4:30, hearing The Englishman coughing. i want Maximus, i want to wake Him from sleep. i’m spooning Him so i reached around and hold His balls and stroke His cock which immediately stirs and grows. i move down and take Him in my mouth but He wants to be inside me. He enters me and we move together. We are still exhausted from last night and fall asleep still together.
This is our last morning together for this trip. We awake for His morning meeting and coffee. We shower together after His call and talk about our weekend and upcoming adventures. He goes down to His office to work but then returns. He orders me to take off my clothes. i only just get off my blouse, pants, and panties when He throws me down on the bed, fucking me hard. i can feel Him getting ready to come and i am surprised as we’ve never, ever had a quickie! “I’m going to come in you!” He exclaims, and then comes loudly, filling my pussy with semen. We giggle about having our first quickie. He tells me He wants my panties to be all sticky with His come on my drive home. i get the pink Kegel balls from the bottom drawer, have Him lubricate one in His mouth and shove them into my pussy. i feel them rattle inside me and His come leaking all around them after i’m dressed. This pleases Him.
It’s time for me to pack; i have to go into The Englishman’s room to get my suitcase, he’s still in bed. i kiss The Englishman and say my goodbyes to Him. It doesn’t take long to pack; i’ve decided to leave toiletries in my drawer so i don’t have to pack these every time i come up. It’s quiet in the house and i’m glad to have the time alone to pack, am enjoying the Kegel balls inside me.
Maximus and i sit on the couch and go over our schedules together, making sure we know what each other is doing and that we know exactly when we are getting together again. We’ve been invited to a birthday party of our friends through whom we met each other; we never miss their events and had already planned on being together at my home that weekend. i am coming up again in ten days and need plans as we don’t think a previously arranged playdate has solidified, so Maximus outlines requests for potential playmates and expectations for me to contact them to make arrangements. We talk about our Thanksgiving plans, which include His trip to Ms. W for a few days and Mountain Man and Sunflower coming to stay with me for several days. We are very good, both of us, with these arrangements, and reassure each other of our mutual commitment. We also go over the agreements we have made in our contract regarding playing separately, asking questions and getting clarification. i love that we talk about these things.
He walks me out to my car and kisses me deeply. He’s not for lingering goodbyes as i am, which is good, as i’d never be able to leave otherwise.
“G-O-T, baby,” says Maximus.
“i love you,” i reply
“Back at you.”
i read this on a blog today and thought it was beautifully said. i didn’t want to lose it.
From Musings of a Submissive Slut
Every Submissive Should Read This and Remember This (Write it down if need be).
I need to feel safe. Before I can begin to open my submissive nature to You I need to feel safe and have reason to trust You. To let down my walls and give Your control of my will may take time and testing before I feel safe enough to permit either of us to go beyond the initial stages of our relationship. Even after I’ve given myself to You fully, I need to be reminded I am safe with You. I may like to feel the thrill and excitement of fear and the unknown, but I need to be sure no matter how You stimulate those emotions during an intense scene or situation, I will remain safe in Your care.
I need to know You accept me for all I am. I will be many things to You as our relationship grows and I need to know You accept me as a person during each transition along the way. I need to know You accept me as a friend, lover, companion, and Your submissive but also accept me as parent, child, employee, community member or other roles I fill in my obligations to family or society.
I need to have clearly defined limits. I need to know exactly what You expect of me and know that You also understand my limits. In some ways I am like a child that needs a fence around my play area so I know how far I can go and feel secure inside those limits. I need You to reinforce those fences by correcting me when I try to climb them without Your approval.
I need You to be consistent. I need to know You mean what You say and that today’s rules will apply to tomorrow’s behavior. Nothing confuses me more than giving me mixed signals by allowing me to break rules that You’ve given me. From time to time I may test You to see if You are capable of accepting control of my life by consistently bringing me back to the path You’ve chosen for me. It’s not done to try Your patience but is my way of finding reassurance You are paying attention to my progress. Very often it’s not done consciously and I promise I’ll not use it as a method for provoking Your negative responses.
I need to expand my limits. I need to grow and to be challenged. Left on my own, I’ll become bored or stagnate within the boundaries I accepted in the beginning. I need to be pushed, but never shoved, to go beyond the places I’ve been. I may drag my feet and pout at times, or sit down and refuse to move because I’m unsure and need Your guidance in overcoming my obstacles. I depend on You for strength and encouragement to get beyond them.
I need You to teach me. I need to learn and it is You who are my teacher. My mind is hungry for new things and learning helps me to become all that I can be. This may require You to continue to learn new things in order to keep me challenged. Together we can grow to the fullness of the gifts we have and deepen the diversity we share.
I need goals. Part of my make-up as a submissive makes me very goal-oriented. I need them to measure my progress and need You to provide them for me. Take time to explain those goals in ways I can comprehend Your plans concerning my growth as Your submissive. Without Your direction I quickly become lost so I’ll look to You frequently to provide a purpose and aim as I continue in my development as a submissive.
I need to be corrected. I need You to correct me when I make mistakes. Without Your correction I will develop bad habits that can be very difficult to break and do great damage to our relationship and to us as individuals. Without Your correction, I may never know I’ve made a mistake. Allowing me to continue unchecked will only cause me to fail both of us in the end. I admire firmness in Your correction and feel secure in knowing that You will never be afraid to take steps needed in keeping me focused on the goals You’ve set for me.
I need You to be my role-model. I look up to You and try to follow in Your footsteps. If You fail to live up to a standard, I will follow You into failure, often without You noticing until it is too late. I learn quickly by the examples You provide for me and often base my reactions and behaviors on my observations of You in similar situations. I will blindly pattern myself in Your image so be aware that my eyes will always be on You as face Your own challenges and daily activities.
I need Your approval and reassurance. I need to know when You approve of me or what I’ve done and to know I belong to You even if I fall short of my goals. I sometimes confuse approval with disapproval when You do not provide positive reinforcement when You are pleased by my actions. I will constantly be seeking Your approval when I’m unsure of myself and may need to rely deeply on Your support and reassurance when I’m confused about a situation or apprehensive about a new challenge.
I need to be able to express myself. I have a need to express both good and bad things to You but it may be difficult for me to put the negative things into words. I fear Your rejection and hate disappointing You, so I may need a little space and time to voice all the things I need to say. You can help me by reassuring me that my feelings are valid, even if they aren’t something You find pleasure in hearing. There may be times when I’m upset or angry with You but without freedom to express those feelings there can be only festering resentment or misunderstanding. Guide me in ways that I can learn to speak my heart without breaking it or Yours.
I need to learn from my mistakes. I need to experience things that may be painful in order to learn successfully. I know Your protective nature will struggle with allowing me to be hurt but I need to learn the consequences of what I’ve done and to experience the feelings that go along with making mistakes. I will need Your comfort once I’ve faced my failure but will sometimes feel unworthy of asking or unable to voice my disappointment in failing. Allow me to sort out my feelings before wiping away my tears.
I need forgiveness when I fail You. Nothing hurts me more than to know I’ve failed or displeased You and I need to be forgiven once I’ve made amends. It is very hard for me to forgive myself for a wrong-doing and I may need Your help in getting beyond the feelings of remorse I am carrying. I may even need to be punished, if my wrong-doing was traumatic enough, in order to feel closure and accept forgiveness. I depend on You to make that determination for me and need Your help in making an atonement that is acceptable to You.
I need to feel I contribute. I have a deep-set need to give and must have outlets for this need. My basic nature is to give of myself and You will be the primary recipient of my gifts. Allow me to contribute to our relationship and our life together. To do less will leave me unfulfilled and unneeded, a fate worse than death for me. Provide me with ways to contribute things to others, also. I may need to give of myself to those I hold dear but You will always receive the best I have to offer.
I need to enjoy successes. Without experiencing and enjoying my successes I may give up my fight to be all You desire for me. Allow me the pleasure of savoring the taste of victory when I overcome an obstacle or if You find pride in my attempts. All of my successes belong to You and I need to share their rewards with You. I don’t expect You to spoil me with grand displays for little victories, but when I’ve reached beyond the limits of my past attempts, please don’t deny me the sweet feelings of knowing I’ve achieved a goal You’ve set.
I need to share with You. Sharing with You is a compelling need and one of the cornerstones of my submissive nature. This includes the emotional and spiritual aspects of my being as well as the physical body I inhabit. It may be difficult for me to give You access to the deeper levels of my emotions and feelings but those are the things I need to share the most. I’ll depend on You to direct me in ways I can achieve total openness with You. I also need to share in the things You are. Trust me enough to share in Your fears, failures and struggles. I’ll never see You as weak or incapable because You have shown confidence in me by giving part of Yourself in trust.
I need to feel loved, respected, and protected in Your ownership. No matter how well I’ve done or how miserably I’ve failed, I need to know I’m still loved and protected by You. Nothing will prevent me from trying new things like fear of losing Your respect and love. By the reverse, nothing will encourage me to expand my limits and grow to be all I am capable of being more than knowing You will be there to protect me from harm and will love me even if I fall short of the target. I need to be loved and to love You in return. I can’t survive without it.