Monthly Archives: September 2013


gahi have race brain….bad. GAH!

First, i’m emotional. i cried when i drove the last several miles to the race start, overwhelmed by the beauty of the venue and how unbelievable it is to me that i am here. i’m not a crier, either.

i will stop crying. i will stop crying.

Maximus is in Chicago for business and for the first time, i’m a mess about it. Saturday morning, as i was driving to the race venue, Maximus was flying to Chicago. We had a great conversation that morning before i left and He said He would get a hold of me after He got through security at the airport. i never heard from Him…not even the normal texts letting me know He’s getting on the plane or I love you’s when doors closing. i finally got a text He had landed and was in a cab enroute to the hotel, but after two hours, still nothing. i was upset by this–what’s going on? For the first time, i felt suspicious about His travels…and i told Him that when we talked about it. He understood where I was coming from and we moved on.

Then last night, i called His room at 11:30 PM His time after not hearing from Him. The phone was picked up and promptly hung up on me. Then i called back and it went to voicemail. As i got voicemail the second time, i got a text from Him that He was walking to His room.

“That’s odd, because i just called Your room and someone hung up on me,” i texted back.

Then He immediately called saying He’d been in His room for five minutes and missed the call while in the bathroom.

It didn’t make sense to me and i was suspicious again. Gah. And it ruined my whole day. i was upset that the chain of events happened and that they were making me feel suspicious. And i hated feeling suspicious! We talked through it but i was terribly upset by it and by the time we were able to talk about our days, i was just destroyed and couldn’t talk. i asked Maximus to let us just end the call because i was upset and couldn’t talk, which He did. i cried for about 10 minutes, rested, and called Him back 20 minutes later and we talked about our days.

Second, i’m forgetful. i lost my wallet and my Garmin GPS triathlete watch this morning, which is essential, expensive, and setup EXACTLY how i want it, a task that’s taken 3 years to figure out. Turns out, it was in my car in the center console where i put it when i left the car to use a restroom in a park.

i know it’s the stress of the upcoming race. i’m distracted, feeling a little overwhelmed perhaps. i had major burnout last week, couldn’t even train and had three days of intense stomach cramps. i’ve just not been myself.

i even forgot my birthday is in three days, until Maximus reminded me today on the phone.

Hey brain! Come back here! i need you!! Gah!

i love You, Maximus. Thank You for being patient with me right now. i’m sorry i was a mess last night.

Categories: relationship, trust | 2 Comments

The Way to My Heart is Through your Ass


i’ve never denied Maximus anything, seriously, anything, especially sexually. Everything has been fair game, any time, any place, any way. Recently, however, i had to put a moratorium on anal sex, temporarily. i’m getting ready to do an Ironman race and i just really don’t want an added layer of anal issues during my race–112 miles on a bike with a hemorrhoid or anal fissure would more than suck! Earlier this year i had some rectal bleeding when i finished a shorter triathlon and it turned out to be from a bleeding internal hemorrhoid that i believe i got from playing with a new toy Maximus gave me a few days before that race. Thus, the moratorium.

But poor Maximus! He is completely fixated on anal sex right now! The other day He even mentioned, “I don’t know why I’ve got this raging need for anal right now, it’s all I’m fantasizing about!” And then i suggested that it might be due to the fact that it’s off-limits for Him until after my race. “Awwwww! That would explain it. You bitch!” He mocked me! It’s funny because we aren’t even together, so anal sex with me isn’t even an option, so it’s not like He’s missing out…but it’s the thought…and the few days we are together before my race.

So whenever He has a win at work or just in general, Maximus exclaims, “Oh, I’m so going to ass fuck you!”

i think it’s hilarious!

And then He noted, “you know, the way to My heart is through your ass, not My stomach!”

Maybe denial is a good thing? Lord knows Maximus has denied me orgasms, both mine and His!

i better not bend over at the finish line! Might be the first Ironman disqualification due to public ass fucking in history!

Categories: anal sex | 1 Comment

We’re NOT Fucked Up

thoughts actions

i’ve had a common theme come up the past few days…the notion that people who do BDSM are fucked up. And i absolutely HATE that notion!

It came up when we were with Kilt and Rhodie. Rhodie kept apologizing when describing their kink, worried she might be offending us, and to assure her, Maximus said, “Don’t worry, you’re just as fucked up as we are!” Now i love Maximus and i know what His intent was, to make Rhodie realize that their kink was not offensive to us and that we are completely kinky too, but His words suggested that there were something wrong with all of us. i know He doesn’t believe that, but the words struck me negatively. i didn’t want to embarrass Him and call Him out in front of them, so i simply affirmed that “we are extremely kinky and there probably isn’t anything that will offend us or change our feelings about you. We’re excited to learn about your kink!” Later, after Rhodie and Kilt left, i brought this up with Maximus. He thanked me for “calling me out on this.” He hadn’t realized the negative connotation His words portrayed and He really did mean to say we were kinky.

the secretaryLast night, i watched The Secretary for the first time. i had seen this movie on a list of must-see BDSM movies and then Rhodie mentioned it when we were together, so i took it as a sign. The first scene is so hot, Lee, the secretary, played by Maggie Gyllenhaal, glides through the office during her secretarial duties while her wrists are bound to each end of a spreader bar connected to the back of her collar. But then it flashes back to her release from a mental hospital where she has been treated for cutting and self-mutilation, presenting her as mentally unstable, damaged, insecure, and uneducated. She meets Mr. Grey, a lawyer played by James Spader (Oh yes, the character is named Mr. Grey), who hires her to be his secretary because she is an inexperienced, insecure, young woman. The relationship is Dominant/submissive from the start.

The media, including movies like The Secretary and books such as Fifty Shades of Grey and Maya Banks’ Breathless Trilogy, generally presents one or both characters in a BDSM or kinky sex relationship as damaged goods, fucked up, and this irritates the hell out of me! BDSM is not a mental illness, even the American Psychiatric Association removed kinky sex, including fetishism and BDSM, from their lists of mental disorders, as long as it is consensual and doesn’t cause harm to themselves or others. Movies and novels seem to present that BDSM is expected when one person is screwed up mentally or has been abused in their past, as if to say they have a proclivity toward deviant, aka kinky, behavior. i would love to see a storyline that includes educated, professional, balanced people involved in kinky/BDSM relationships–something that i think is much more the reality than fiction. Obviously, society is showing an interest in reading about, watching movies about kink, isn’t it time there is some reality to it?

We are NOT fucked up. We are kinky, in a consensual relationship involving power exchange, Domination/submission, pleasure and pain. We aren’t vanilla, but we are normal, sexual, sensual beings. Let’s not allow ourselves to be labeled as fucked up, especially by ourselves!

Categories: BDSM, BDSM relationship, D/s, Dom/sub, Living M/s | 2 Comments

1st GOT Day

GOT sundial

We made it! Sometimes it didn’t seem we would, but we celebrated our First GOT Anniversary this week.

It seems so long ago that Maximus told me in Las Vegas that He had fallen in love with me and shared GOT. We’ve had some great times and we’ve had some very, very hard times, downright awful times. He has shared that this has been the hardest He’s ever worked in a relationship, and i appreciate that. i have done the most work on me in this relationship than i’ve ever done before, and i’ve been the most bare and honest as well. i have wanted to run away, have run away, but i always came back because i knew it was right, knew it was worth staying for and fighting for, despite all the hard work and tears. We’ve grown so much, we’ve learned so much, about each other and ourselves.

We celebrated GOT Day after Kilt and Rhodie left. It was killing me to wait!! i had made a pillow that was appliquéd with GOT on one side and XOXO on the other, two things that Maximus always texts me, particularly the last thing before we go to sleep. i also had a sundial for the new garden He is working on, with the line from Robert Browning’s poem, Grow Old Along with Me, the Best is Yet to Be. He gave me the beautiful Michael Kors stilettos, an awesome Northface jacket, and not one, but five wonderful anniversary cards–in numbered sequence, with lines and phrases underlined in all, and special notes inside for me. FIVE!!

GOT cards

After exchanging gifts we made love and took a much-needed nap! Maximus took me to a amazing restaurant along the Seattle waterfront, Aqua, for dinner. Boy, do i have so much to learn! When they seated us, the hostess mentioned she’d be right back with a black napkin for me. i looked quizzically at Maximus and said mockingly, “So my napkin needs to match my little black dress?!?” and He answered,

“Of course, why do you ask?”

“Really? i was just joking!”

“Oh, my love, you have so much to learn. Fine restaurants will always bring you a black napkin if you’re wearing black. you don’t want white lint all over your little black dress. i request a matching napkin if restaurants don’t offer…”

i do have so much to learn.

Actually, our dinner was supposed to be at the best restaurant in Seattle, Canlis, but they were closed for Labor Day. We will be going there at the end of the month when we return to Seattle again to finish out our GOT Month. Good thing i know about the napkin thing now!

And good thing as my most special GOT gift won’t be ready until then…it’s still being made. (No! i’m not pregnant!!)

Honestly, though, GOT is not about the finest restaurants and gifts, it’s about us and our love and our relationship and our GOT. It’s taken a year…i get it now, i’m there. Maximus even noticed the next day, i’m calm, i’m happy, i’m great! We had so much to work on together and we’ve made it.

And i can’t wait for the rest of GOT. It’s already been amazing, and that’s with all the rough patches. Just imagine…


Categories: BDSM relationship, Living M/s, relationship | Leave a comment


crazysexycoolIt’s been a whirlwind week! Crazy….Sexy….and Cool!

It started with Maxisnoop doggmus flying me up for the Seahawks vs. Raiders preseason game. It was great! He has fantastic seats, right on the Seahawks 5 yard line a few rows up from the field. We had front row seats to see Snoop Dogg posing with the Sea Gals. i guess he’s called Snoop Lion now, but whatever!

After the game, Maximus drove me back home to Portland because i had to work the next morning. He slept for a couple of hours and drove right back up to SeaTac airport to head to California for a one day business trip! Talk about dedication! It was a super sweet surprise for Him to fly me up and drive me home–He really wanted to take me to the game.

The day after my work day, i headed back up to Seattle on the train! Maximus picked me up and we headed directly to Michael Kors for some shoe shopping! When i came up for the Seahawks game, Maximus had a pair of Michael Kors Ailee Studded Suede pumps in my drawer! They were just gorgeous and it had been all Michael KorsHe could do to not text me pictures of them before i got there. He had texted a picture of the box with a message that there was a surprise waiting for me, but not a picture of the shoes themselves. Unfortunately, the shoes were too small for me, so we needed to go exchange them. They had the shoes in my size, but Maximus had more shoes and boots for me to try on for Him while we were there.

i had the best sub moment at Michael Kors! Maximus missed it, actually. i was seated on the setteé surrounded by different shoes and boots, attended by not one, but three attendants and Maximus came back from the display with another shoe and said, “she’ll try on this one too.” The attendant acknowledged this, Maximus walked back to the display to return the sandal, and the attendant started toward the back to get my size. A few seconds later, the attendant quickly returned, bent down toward me and asked, “I should have asked, did you want to try on that shoe?” i smiled and cooed, “Of course!” This just tickled me! Of course i wanted to try on that shoe, Maximus desired to see that shoe on me and i wanted to please Him by doing so!

The next day, our friends Kilt and Rhodie, who we met through mutual friends at a swinger’s party (see A Night at the Beach), came up for an overnight visit. We’ve been wanting to get back together with them and have had this visit on the calendar for months, pure torture waiting for this! Maximus has been über-excited, coming up with all kinds of kink things He wanted to choreograph for this night, but as we’d only been with them at two swingers’ parties and hadn’t really talked to them about the specifics of their kink, i encouraged Maximus to be patient and use this weekend to talk and learn more about them instead of assuming they were like us and scaring them away!

i made dinner for us at Maximus’ so we’d have more time to visit openly rather than trying to have kink conversations at a restaurant. During dinner, Kilt whispered to me that while he was looking forward to playing with me, Rhodie was really looking forward to spending some time with me. We started talking about our kinks and we found that they were, indeed, much like us in kink play, and were also afraid of scaring us! They are not Total Power Exchange or D/s, but are both switches. He is straight, she is bi.

During dinner prep, i’m not sure how this came up, but the conversation turned to nipple torture and i was instructed to get the nipple vacuum tubes. i was wearing a halter topped dress and the top was taken off of my neck, my tits exposed, and Maximus had Rhodie install the tubes on my nipples, teaching her how to wait and increase the vacuum little by little as my nipples stretched out into the tube. i spent the entire dinner with the tubes on my nipples and amazingly, both nipples started leaking fluid, which has never happened to me before (we had babysat Maximus’ 9 month old grandson the night before and i’m wondering if that led to some maternal instincts to come into play)!!

As soon as we cleaned up from dinner, Rhodie took me into the great room, yanked my dress all the rest of the way off, pulled me down to the floor and had her way with me! Maximus had taken the vacuum tubes off midway through dinner and my right nipple was a gorgeous purple. Rhodie licked my clit and played with my pussy and nipples while Kilt and Maximus watched.

Eventually Maximus led us into His den where He had the Liberator mat on the floor. As soon as we hit the mat, Maximus blindfolded Rhodie and me and we all four went to town! Kilt even foot fucked me! At one point, Maximus put the chained clover nipple clamps on me. It was sensory overload! We were flogged and cropped, Kilt scratched my back with His long fingernails making me orgasm! i was doing great, slipped into subspace and then suddenly my right nipple was too intense, i think someone grabbed my breast and i started to come crashing down. “Right, off! Right, off!” was all i could say. i could tell the hands on me weren’t Maximus’ and i really needed Maximus to take care of me. He came and wrapped Himself around me, whispering in my ear that it was ok and i was safe, and released me from the clamps. i could hear Rhodie asking if i was hurt and Maximus and Kilt assured her i was fine, had slipped into subspace and Maximus was caring for me. What’s interesting to me as i think back about it, i wasn’t bound…i could have simply reached up and released the clamp from my right nipple, but it never occurred to me to do that. In fact, i don’t believe i have ever released myself from anything that Maximus has applied, but generally i have been bound and unable to do so. It’s fascinating to me that i needed Him to release me even when i was able to physically do that myself–i was mentally bound! i think that is a wonderful realization for us, that my submission to Him is complete and natural.

Maximus provided aftercare for me and we jumped right back into play. i called out to Maximus to get the wands and He returned promptly with them and an extension cord. i started to use the Hitatchi on Rhodie, which i remembered she loved, and then rolled on top of her so we would be simultaneously stimulated and orgasm together. Maximus kept telling us how hot it was! i really wanted vaginal penetration and called out for something in my pussy, but i was so slippery wet that Maximus could not stay inside me! After orgasming multiple, multiple times, i rolled off and Maximus started fucking Rhodie. i put my fingers in what i thought was her pussy, thinking, Wow, He’s fucking her ass!, feeling Maximus’ cock between the membrane (turns out i was in her ass and He was in her pussy). Maximus started yelling, “It’s too much, I can’t hold it, I’m going to come!” and He came, yelling and spasming. i pulled the condom off and took Him into my mouth, sending Him in to earthquakes. He shared that the visual of Rhodie and i orgasming over and over and Rhodie squealing with glee that my come was pouring down her pussy was just too much for Him and He couldn’t hold off.

i still needed vaginal penetration badly and as soon as Maximus was ready again, which was only a few minutes, He started fucking me. i’m not sure what was happening next to us with Kilt and Rhodie, but suddenly, right before i was about to come, Maximus pulled out and started putting on a condom! i was shocked as He started fucking Rhodie. i got up and said i was going upstairs, as i needed to think about this…i returned as soon as i was upstairs realizing this was completely unacceptable to me and i needed to communicate to Maximus about it. i pulled on the back of Maximus’ hair in a hard tug and He excused Himself and followed me upstairs. i told Him that was rude and slapped His chest and arms and He apologized, said He got caught up in the moment and realized just how rude that was. We went back downstairs, we joined Kilt and Rhodie again. Maximus came again inside me.

We played more, in all configurations, until we were spent and needed a break. i was starting to feel overheated and nauseated and realized i was dehydrated from all the squirting orgasms. We had dessert at the island in the kitchen and Kilt began tying Rhodie in a rope harness. i stepped outside into the cool air on the patio but just could not shake the nausea. Eventually we excused ourselves to bed, got Kilt and Rhodie settled into the guest room. Maximus was very concerned about me, at first thinking i was upset with Him, but after touching me, He realized i was burning up. He laid me onto the bed and smoothed a cool wet washcloth over my forehead and made some electrolyte drink for me, which helped. He held me while i slept and i felt completely back to normal by morning.

We let Kilt and Rhodie sleep in. Maximus and i prepped breakfast and cleaned up all the toys and the den from the night before. We sat outside on the patio and talked about what a great night it had been. We both realized that we’d never had a session like that before, where i subspaced and was thrown right back into play. In all of our other BDSM scenes with other people, particularly with Sunflower and MountainMan, the scene ended with my aftercare, that bringing me back from subspace was the conclusion of the scene. We agreed that my dehydration, nausea, and feeling ill had a lot to do with not having enough time to recover and that we would be more careful the next time.

Kilt and Rhodie joined us for breakfast and recap of the night. Rhodie would apologize every time she brought up some kink things she liked or desired and we told her not to apologize, that we were just as kinky or more and were very interested in learning about each others kinks. She shared that her fantasy is to have another woman squirt inside of her and then squirt that come back into the other woman. We said that we would love to help her with that fantasy. Kilt took me aside and shared that her ultimate fantasy is to have a woman wearing a lucha libre, Mexican wrestling mask, fuck her and asked if i would do that–which of course i said i would share with Maximus and do! We talked about the BDSM checklist we used and learned they had not seen those before and would like to do one too. i said i would send them a copy and we all decided it would be a great idea for us to complete that together to share our kinks. We also shared what we learned about my aftercare needs in the middle of intense scenes from the night before.

After Kilt and Rhodie left, Maximus and i talked about what a great time we’d had. Maximus praised me for how i had handled dealing with His mishap during our play. i actually had felt awful that i had pulled His hair to get His attention, but He said that it had been the perfect thing! He’d not gotten it when i said i was going upstairs but that the hair tug completely got His attention and was exactly what i needed to do. He was thrilled that we were able to communicate about it and go back into play.

We also talked about what the future could hold. We discussed how we really had fluid bonded with them due to my squirting all down her pussy and how she and i had orally exchanged Kilt and Maximus’ cum as well. In looking about fulfilling Rhodie’s fantasy, we realized that we needed to have a discussion about this fluid bonding, STD testing, and potentially forgoing barriers in future play with them. This has been fantasy talk between Maximus and i, but we’ve not pursued this before. We agreed that i would get together with Rhodie to talk about this.


Categories: BDSM relationship, fluid bonding, Living M/s, playing together, swinging | Leave a comment

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