lifestyle

Labels

labels

i’ve seen a lot of tweets recently about labels, that is, how to label yourself in the lifestyle, and i don’t get it! Sorry, but it’s true, i don’t get it. Maybe it’s a new thing, putting yourself into a specific box of what you do or are, but honestly, i/we cannot pin ourselves down into what we do and are…we change, we evolve, we do different things with different people.

Before i was retired, i worked in a very militaristic, male-dominated public safety occupation. i can remember one promotional exam where candidates were asked what their leadership style was, and the wrong answer, the WRONG ANSWER, according to the evaluators, was “situational.” WHAT?!? Believe it or not, i am a submissive with a Masters of Science in Leadership and a whole lot of experience in leadership, so i have a thing or two to say about this topic. And i do believe that to be successful in leadership is to adjust your leadership style to the situation, to the people you are interacting with, to the people you lead. An authoritative leadership stance will not be successful in all situations, nor will a transactional or transformational style–it depends on the situation, who is involved, the task at hand, etc.

i feel lifestyle is the same for us–it’s situational. Yes, Maximus and i are D/s, but not everyone we play with knows that, it’s not necessary.  We don’t play with everyone that way. Even then, we can’t pin our D/s into one type (see Our D/s). We are kinky and participate in BDSM, but again, we don’t play that way with most people, it depends on the relationship and comfort level we have. i’m bisexual, but sometimes all i want is cock at a play party. i squirt, and i love it, but i don’t tell everyone that, because it can become a problem if i don’t squirt with someone and they get offended. Maximus has some interest in play with men with me, but wouldn’t classify Himself as bisexual and certainly doesn’t wish to indulge in this curiosity with friends who are not interested in this.

We feel labels are limiting. How we play with one group may not be how we play with another. AND THAT’S OKAY. We have friends that we are engaged in friendship and socialization more than sex, AND THAT’S OKAY. We have friends that we simply fuck, AND THAT’S OKAY. Sometimes we play together, sometimes we play apart, AND THAT’S OKAY. Trying to figure out a label that works for all of this is impossible and would limit who we meet and get to know, and that’s NOT OKAY with us. Yes, we have to choose some labels for lifestyle websites, so we are a full-swap straight male with a bisexual female, only because we have to and because listing a bisexual female gives us more options and listing a bisexual male would severely limit who we meet. Does it mean Maximus wouldn’t play with a man with me in the right situation, no! But it does mean that He wouldn’t play with a man who wouldn’t want to. We choose to communicate our desires rather than label ourselves into a box.

We are sexual beings…and it’s situational how we play. It’s like what Rika Van Den Hass tells Martin Riggs in Lethal Weapon II:

There’s no point in shopping for the entire week….I’ll never know what I’ll be hungry for from one day to the next.

Categories: BDSM, lifestyle | Leave a comment

The Girlfriend Experience, Part Two

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i love going out in the vanilla world with lifestyle friends as i can be cheeky and inappropriate without them getting all embarrassed or in a huff about it. When RunnerGirl and i got to our trail race to check in, the registrar handed us our race bibs and explained that we were to wear our bibs on the front as they would be manually entering our finish times, and then as soon as we crossed the finish line, someone would come and “tear off our bottoms,” pointing to a perforated tab at the bottom of the bib, “to be entered into a raffle.” Well…i couldn’t help it, giggled and replied aloud, “RunnerGirl, i love this race already…they tear off your bottoms at the finish line! Woo Hoo!” And she laughed and giggled with me! No “Ohmigod I can’t believe you said that,” or “Shhh, don’t be so embarrassing,” just simple entertainment, giggles, and common thinking.

The race was great! We finished a minute apart, again, a good match. We headed to our respective homes to clean up, rest, and get ready to get together again that night for the lifestyle party. She was trying to get her husband to go with us, but he opted out, so it was just us girls.

RunnerGirl got here about 9:30. i was in the midst of changing. She looked amazing in a tight, short red sheath dress and red heels and i wore a slinky metallic silver dress slit up FullSizeRenderthe front and back to upper tight and down the front almost to my navel. I love that dress, had bought it years ago to wear when Maximus and i went to our first trip to Vegas together. i paired it with my favorite glittery Jimmy Choo’s Maximus bought me in Vegas last year.

We Uber’ed it to the event. It was billed as a new lifestyle club in the Sodo area of Seattle, started by a group that has had lifestyle parties for years. Turns out, it wasn’t so much a club like I’m used to, with a fixed location like Sesso, New Horizons, Couples Oasis, Les Chandelles, etc, rather a large lifestyle party held in an event center, more like a hotel takeover. That had a big drawback–no lockers. i had to carry my purse the whole time, which was a big bummer for me. i’d brought a larger purse so i could carry both of our cell phones and wallets, so it wasn’t conducive for dancing or just being free and unencumbesodo partyred. It was in a great location, though, and had a bar and dance floor with a DJ in one building and the play areas were across a closed alley in another building. They had a fire pit with all the supplies for smores in that alley, which was a neat touch.

The play area was sexy, three floors with several rooms of gothic art, dark motifs, etc., massage tables, lots of towels and sheets, and a hot tub. We wandered around and took it all in. People weren’t playing yet, so it was a good time to see what all was there.

However, there were a few things that bothered me about this event that kept us from playing. First, no one checked to make sure we had tickets and anyone could walk into either building without confirming they were with the event. There were Tyvek wrist bands on the entry table and  i asked if we needed one to go in and out, but the greeters said no. We even checked again before going out to the spa building. The greeter at the spa building only checked to make sure we didn’t have alcohol and to let us know to shower before using the hot tub, not whether we were really with the group. This lack of security made it undesirable to play as anyone could’ve walked in and started taking pictures, etc. Second, there was no communication about cell phones. There were lots of phones out and pictures taken, including the spa building. Heck, i took pictures (not of people playing, however)! Usually lifestyle clubs ban the use of cell phones inside or require stickers be placed over camera lenses in order to use the phone. It just didn’t seem secure there, so with all of that and having to lug my purse around, it kinda killed my desire to play there–RunnerGirl felt the same way.

We met other people there, nice people. The folks in attendance were great quality, nicely dressed, upscale. We visited several times with a couple who arrived the same time we did and there were some people there i’ve played with before. The first person i knew was half of a couple i had first met and played with at Sesso with The Seal and then later at one of her parties with Maximus. She was thrilled to see me and asked if i knew that he had taken his life last week. We spoke about The Seal for a bit and then parted ways, promising to get in contact again. Next was a couple Maximus and i had met at a lifestyle party years ago, the first lifestyle house party i’d attended with Maximus outside of M&S’s group. This couple had been a triad and i’d had super fun with him (the two girls played a lot with each other that night, rather than with others). They are now just a couple and were very excited to see me and hoped to get together with Maximus and me again.

RunnerGirl and i wandered through the play building and briefly watched people play. We returned to the entry building where they were just moving a stripper pole into the middle of the dance floor. They were trying to drum up women to compete in a stripper pole dance competition, but no one was interested. RunnerGirl was dying to dance on the pole, which i encouraged her to do…and she did! i put my purse at the edge of the platform and joined her, swirling, bumping, grinding, and kissing together as we danced. It was the highlight of the night!

Well, i did win a raffle prize too–at the lifestyle club, not the trail race!

raffle prize

We held hands on the Uber ride home, giggled and talked about the night and plans for next weekend. It really was a great weekend, a great girlfriend experience, and one i hope to have for a long time.

Categories: girl on girl sex, lifestyle, swinging, swinging lifestyle | Leave a comment

The Girlfriend Experience, Part One

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A few weeks ago i came across a profile of a bisexual single woman on one of our swinger sites. The profile picture caught my eye because it was a race photo, and i’m attracted to athletic people. Her profile intrigued me:

Looking to meet women for friendship. My ideal person is someone who is active (I’m a runner), likes to go to movies or concerts, dancing, out for a glass of wine. Happy going out or staying in.

Hmmmm, i thought, interesting. But what exactly does she mean? Is she looking for just friends or FWB? So i messaged her. (Please note, i use the capital I when writing in non-D/s situations, so you will see that in the following messages.)

Hello, this is the female half. I came across your profile and am interested in knowing more. I am a runner too, as well as triathlete. What specifically are you looking for?
Looking forward to hearing from you.

And she replied (always a good sign)!

Hi! I’m looking for female friendship. If the friendship grows to fwb that’s great, if not, that’s fine too. I’d like to have friends that I share things in common … go to concerts, dancing, plays, things like that.

We were/have been in the swing lifestyle for a long time. We have retained a few friends over the years (none of them are here – we are new to the area) but, mostly, we have found that those relationships are VERY short-term. So that’s NOT what I’m looking for.

Do you run road, trails, both?

Cheers!

Well i have to admit i was so intrigued! Maximus was traveling and i told Him about what i had found. Really, what intrigued me the most was that she was looking for women friends–on a lifestyle site! That made so much sense to me and i thought it was just brilliant. Why hadn’t i thought of that? i mean, sex is great, but what Maximus and i strive for is friendships in lifestyle. And being new to this area, having moved up to be with Maximus just over a year ago, i really am looking for friends since mine all live hours and hours away.

So i wrote back:

I think that’s great! I never would have thought to search for that on this site, but I’m so glad you did.

We’ve been in the swing lifestyle for a long time as well. In fact, we met through mutual swinger friends and had a long distance relationship for several years until I finally just moved up here. I’ve been here for about a year and a half. I had a great network of running/triathlon friends where I was before, but I’ve just not been able to recreate that here yet, so I’m really interested in what you’re looking for.

I don’t live too far from you. I train primarily on trails up here and just started doing trail races last year. I’ve done mostly road races in the past.

I’d be happy to chat, either on this site or through some other means, and/or meet for coffee sometime. I look forward to getting to know you.

i loved her reply:

I guess I came here to find friends with like minds because it is very tiresome to have to constantly hide my lifestyle choices. Even though this is a more progressive thinking part of the country, I really don’t want my neighbors or work mates knowing “that” side of my life. Probably a hold over from living back east, neighbors here may not care. But some just won’t know what to think and I don’t want problems for our kids. So, here I am.

We started to chat off-site–Maximus allows this. And we really seemed to match. She is married and her husband allows for single play with women. We met for drinks several days later and it was wonderful! She is intelligent, out-going, sexy, funny, and we talked for hours over wine and appetizers. We departed with a goodbye kiss that left us both wanting for more.
So we made time for more!

Maximus had a swim meet back East with SwimmerGuy the end of last week through the weekend, Wednesday through Sunday, so RunnerGirl and i decided to spend some time together. Maximus was thrilled! Initially, it was just to have her over for wine and girl time, but as the week and our anticipation progressed, it turned into Friday evening wine and girl time, an overnight at our house, a Saturday morning trail race, and next night grand opening gala for a new lifestyle club in Seattle!

It was exciting! i hadn’t had a girlfriend overnight in years. i wasn’t sure what to wear! So icheeky lace settled with a sheer cream light knit sweater with a plunging key-hole neckline with a sexy burgundy bra underneath–one that matched sexy burgundy cheeky panties with a cut-out back and ribbon trussing–and boyfriend skimmer jeans with sexy heeled black sandals. She arrived in alicea trench coat–that’s a great start! Underneath she had a short-sleeved deep v-necked red ruched tee with a short black mini skirt, Alice in Wonderland tattoo-style tights, and red patent leather heels.

After a tour of the house, we settled in the master closet–yes, really! We are going to see Kinky Boots next weekend and my stipulation is that we both have to wear kinky boots–she doesn’t have any. Fortunately, i have a wide range of kinky boots, so we set on a mission to see which pair would work for her! And we found a winner, to be displayed in a future post after we go to the musical.

We returned downstairs and talked for hours over a bottle of wine. It really is a good connection with her. We talked about everything from life, swinging, running, families, my D/s with Maximus. Finally, it was getting super late and we’d not played yet and had a race in the morning! So we went upstairs to the bedroom.

i took her into the secure storage room and we went through the toy cabinet to see if there was anything she wanted to use in our play. She selected the stacked Wartenberg wheel as the only toy she brought was her single Wartenberg wheel, then the spiky gloves, the Hitachi wand, and the “mom” double ended dildo. i grabbed the Injoyus strapless strap-on and the double ended glass dildo.

And then we played! It was so great! She tasted and felt so good! We really didn’t even use a lot of the toys. We rode the Hitachi together, i fucked her with the Injoyus and we both had squirting orgasms, i used her Wartenberg wheel on her and she used mine on me, rolling it over breasts and in our groins around our pussies, and i fucked her with the glass dildo.

We finally went to sleep around 3 and got up at 6 to get ready for our race! She tried to talk us out of going, to no avail. After a shared bath and some breakfast, we were out the door! All smiles!

To be continued…

Categories: girl on girl sex, lifestyle, playing separate, swinging, swinging lifestyle | Leave a comment

Valentine’s Day Bound

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We’re coming up upon our second Valentine’s Day together….seems like we’ve been together so much longer than that though. And it’s true, we’d known each other for years prior to becoming a couple and then into D/s.

Normally, i would have spent months preparing for Valentine’s for Maximus, but i admit i’ve been distracted since September. Actually, i have several unfinished projects intended for Him, but i’ve just not had the energy to complete them, so they’ll just be in the hopper for other events. That’s not saying i don’t have anything special for Maximus this Valentine’s Day…it’s just not what i intended months and months ago.

Our schedule has been wonky recently, with me having surgery and return to modified work as well as Maximus’ work travel itinerary. But we were able to carve out time together, and actually, a lot of it, surprisingly. Maximus will be coming down on Valentine’s Day and staying the week. He suggested we go somewhere for Valentine’s weekend and after discussing options, Maximus recommended Portland. Now, if you’ve followed the blog long, you may be wondering why the staycation? That, my dear readers, i will reveal at a later date.

So PDX it is. Some salsa dancing, downtown hotel suite accommodations, time at our favorite places (Departure, Pope House Bourbon Lounge, Blossoming Lotus), shopping, discovering new favorites, and, most importantly, time together.

And some play time! Yes, it’s time for some modified play and i am really wanting. my urge is back and i can think of no better gift than the gift of gabriella. He’s been so patient, so good, so great…and i am desiring to serve Him in any way i can to show my appreciation. i shared this with Maximus and while He is excited about this, He is cautious and concerned about hurting me. So my task is to share with Him a list of things i feel are safe at this point of my healing and provide Him a list of what toys i think could be used.

Post Hysterectomy Safe List

At my post-op appointment with my OB-GYN this week, my doctor again stressed that i am to have vaginal rest for a full eight weeks following surgery. So, nothing enters my vagina. This, however, doesn’t preclude external play, including clitoral stimulation and even orgasm. i have had several clitoral orgasms from masterbating and not had any problems, other than the usual light spotting i’ve been having. i was even able to reinsert my clit hood piercing, which really got me stimulated! Due to the risk of infection, however, anal play and cunnilingus are off limits at this point.

Any activity that would induce hard abdominal wall contractions (gagging or hard flinching) or positions requiring back bends should be avoided due to the stress on the incisions and abdominal muscles that are still healing. The umbilical incision was the most invasive, with a larger cut into the abdominal wall and more trauma (thus much more sore) than the others, so this area should be avoided.

Other than that, all other play should be fine, given how things feel. Play could include:

The clit hood piercing is back in post-op...YAY!!

The clit hood piercing is back in post-op…YAY!!

  • Kissing
  • Kneeling
  • Crawling
  • Bondage
  • Sensory deprivation
  • Mind play
  • Objectification
  • Touch or massage
  • Nipple play/torture
  • Light flogging
  • Piss play (giving or receiving that doesn’t include healing incision sites or female genitalia)
  • Fellatio that does not elicit gagging
  • Manual clitoral stimulation, including the 15 minute orgasm
  • Manual penile stimulation
  • Seminal ejaculation onto body anywhere other than incision sites or female genitalia

Post Hysterectomy Toy List

  • Brain
  • Hands
  • Voice
  • Collar
  • Wrist and ankle cuffs
  • Rope
  • Nipple clamps
  • Spreader bars
  • Floggers
  • Wartenberg Wheel
  • Blindfold
  • Earplugs/headphones
  • Massage oils and lubricants
  • Feathers
  • Clothing, including high heels and stilettos

So that’s my big gift to Maximus…me. i know we are both feeling the need and just desire a step toward our normal life together again. i can’t think of anything better than time well spent with my love, my master, my Maximus.

Categories: BDSM, BDSM list, D/s, Hysterectomy, lifestyle | Leave a comment

Our First Six Months…Oh How We’ve Grown!

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i can’t believe it’s been six months already! A couple of weeks ago i pulled up our contract to get ready to review it before Maximus and i were going to be together, which is our ritual, and i noticed that our contract was set to expire April 30th, our six month D/s anniversary. i was so surprised by this! i texted Maximus about it and ended with, “i’d like to continue the contract” and He replied, “So would I.” Whew! And then suggested that we renew our contract on the beach when we are in Hawaii this upcoming week. i am delighted in this!

i went through our contract and made revisions to reflect where we are now. i was surprised to see quite a few areas where we have grown and changed, especially in our BDSM Activities List–things that were hard limits were not hard limits anymore, in fact, many of them were much desired activities now.

Maximus called me from His business trip to go over the revisions and we went through the contract together. He had texted earlier that He had “lots of feedback” on the revisions–yikes! It turned out ok and we had some great discussion about the contract and our relationship, where we started, where we’ve been, what we need to work on.

The first revision we made was to eliminate my termination clause. Okay, okay, i know you just yelled at your computer, “What the hell is she thinking?!?!!!” Remember, our contract, our D/s relationship grew out of our Big R Relationship, is built on love and the principle of GOT. We have a commitment to each other that is beyond this contract, therefore, a clause to end our relationship is contradictory to our commitment. The second revision was to eliminate Maximus’ termination clause. Our commitment to each other is such that we will work through problems and issues and not terminate our relationship. Our contract is always available for revision and should parts of our D/s relationship change, our contract will change to reflect this, but the Relationship will remain intact.

We had quite a bit of discussion about the next clause:

…the submissive is to serve and obey the Dominant in all things. Subject to the agreed terms, limitations, and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above, she shall without query or hesitation offer the Dominant such pleasure as he may require and she shall accept without query or hesitation his training, guidance, and discipline in whatever form it may take.

Maximus asked if that meant if He did not want a conversation to continue or if He wanted me to stop behaving in a certain manner whether He could instruct me to stop…and i said, “Yes, absolutely. You’ve always had that authority, but You’ve rarely used it.” There have been times where He has asked me to stop a direction of discussion that was not fruitful, in the case of disagreements, and there have been times where He has instructed me not to drive home, instructed me to stay, etc. and i’ve always complied. i mentioned it would be helpful for Him to use this clause when i get worried and anxious about relationship issues and want to flee.

Next, we decided to change the term of our contract to 12 months rather than six. We decided on the first six month time limit because this was new and we didn’t know what to expect from it. Now that we know more about ourselves, our relationship, D/s, Power Exchange relationships, we are both comfortable and desire a longer term to our contract. Our intention is to make our Hawaii trip an annual event for us to renew our commitment to and contract with each other.

We laughed at the next revision! Our contract originally stated that time between [being physically together] shall not extend greater than one month’s time. We both laughed because we know that we cannot have more than a couple of weeks between time together without going absolutely crazy, therefore it was not necessary to have that in our contract. This was put into our contract because we’d had a five-week absence from each other in August, before our relationship moved from friendship to committed Relationship, and it was completely unbearable–it really helped us realize our feelings for each other, but we NEVER wanted to go through that long of an absence ever again. Now that it’s impossible for either of us to be apart for that long, it’s not necessary to have in the contract–it’s a given.

The next clause that was removed had to do with travel arrangements. It was very difficult for me to accept Maximus’ desire to pay for my travel expenses, use frequent flyer/guest points, etc. to comp accommodations. i have learned that it gives Him great pleasure to take care of these things. Maximus does not balk when i do special things for Him and i needed to learn not to balk when He does special things for me–and i have. In addition, Maximus has learned to accept that He is with someone who wants to contribute, has the means to contribute, and finds it important to contribute–He’s never had that before in a relationship. We removed language that required discussion of travel expenses and my acceptance of the use of His travel program points–this has been a big step for both of us in our growth and Maximus was very pleased with this.

i was very shocked at the clause that Maximus was most concerned about, something that never bothered Him before in all the times we reviewed our contract:

The Dominant accepts the submissive as his, to own, control, dominate, and discipline during the Term. The Dominant may use the submissive’s body at any time during the Allotted Times or any agreed additional times in any manner he deems fit, sexually or otherwise.

He noted that He was very shocked that this was in our contract, that i would give such power to Him. Wow! This totally blew me away! To me, this is the basis of a D/s relationship and to remove this was to remove the very foundation of our Total Power Exchange. He was very concerned that it gave Him too much power and requested that i remove it. He was not concerned that He would abuse His power, but that He was surprised that someone would so willingly put themselves at risk for abuse of power. i explained to Him that yes, it did give Him complete power and that i gave it to Him out of complete and absolute trust. i trusted that He would use this power responsibly and not abuse it, and that was my ultimate gift to Him. He agreed to leave this in our contract after our discussion and my explanation. It was very interesting to me that this clause triggered Him so–i never would have expected that after these past six months of operating within these parameters of our existing contract. i very much appreciated His concern and candor about something so fundamental to our relationship. It was very worthy of discussion and really reinforced my commitment to our power exchange relationship

Our next discussion was about our communication rules. We both freely admit that we need to do better in this area and follow the terms of our contract that were written specifically to aid in conflict resolution. Our contract reads, in part:

Both parties agree to work through disagreements rather than dissolve this agreement. Disputes or disagreements shall begin and end with the spoken words, “I/i love Y/you.” The Dominant and the submissive agree not to yell at any time during disputes or disagreements. Safewords may be used to communicate frustration level to the other party. Either party may request a break from discussions in order to avoid pushing frustration levels to a point of yelling; this break will not be indefinite, but have specific time parameters indicating when discussions shall proceed again. It is also understood that at times, circumstances of life and work may not allow for immediate discussion. In these cases, the parties will set a specific time to have focused discussion with each other, free of distractions and allowing for private communication.

If communication fails completely, both parties can take the discussion “To The Locker Room.” The Dominant and the submissive agree that this should be the last alternative and only to be used in the rarest of occasions, if at all.

Unfortunately, while we have all this beautiful language, we have occasionally raised our voices and yelled, failed to begin and end with I/i love Y/you, failed to cue each other with safewords to indicate frustration levels, and have held heated arguments on the court rather than taking it to the Locker Room. Honestly, it was a relief to hear Maximus say that He too had failed to observe our contractual agreements in this area, as i have been feeling very guilty about my communication failures. We have promised each other to be more cognizant of this and to follow our contract in order to keep our communication respectful and productive, the way it has intended to work.

Finally came the fun stuff–my BDSM Activities List! We laughed and giggled throughout this section as our boundaries have so clearly moved outward this past six months. Our level of trust has increased exponentially, allowing us both to share our deepest, darkest secret desires and experience things we only dreamed of but never shared with anyone before. And with this sharing of desires, we have been able to make many of these dreams come true. We have no fear in sharing our desires, and this is a wonderful, wonderful thing. And it’s not because of the BDSM Activities List that this came about, it’s because of the frank discussions we’ve had in building our Relationship, developing our contract, communicating, and learning about ourselves and each other. Its through building of ultimate trust.

So our contract has been agreed upon and is ready for us to sign. We will be taking this with us to Hawaii and share our own personal commitment ceremony together on the beach to renew our contract and bond. Maximus has made some requests for things to be included in this ceremony and i have asked to re-present His ring to Him as part of my commitment to Him. i am just in awe of this extraordinary thing we have.

GOT 

Categories: BDSM contract, BDSM list, BDSM relationship, communication, D/s, Dom/sub, lifestyle, Living M/s, M/s, relationship, submissive | 1 Comment

Whooped

whooped

i am emotionally whooped, exhausted, spent. Have had too many emotional events in the past couple of weeks. What i really need is to crawl into Maximus’ arms and have Him hold onto me. Three days, and i can. For now, i have texts, which help.

How are you today? Need to make sure you are in a better place. Emotionally speaking.

Yesterday’s blog post was emotional, but i got over that. It was important to discuss and is something i need to do, dropping or pulling up my anchor on my fear. But soon after that, i had something that knocked me over.

Maximus and i have had plans to go on a beach trip to the Oregon coast with several friends in the swinging lifestyle. This is a group of friends that have been together for years and is the group Maximus and i met each other through. These are some of my best friends and we’ve been wanting to do a beach trip for a long time. We’ve juggled our schedules, house is rented, weather is going to be fantastic, and we’ll all set with our giant Nebuchadnezzar bottle of wine to celebrate the occasion.

There are two couples coming who we’d not met before. Yesterday one of them sent an introduction and included their profile names in two lifestyle websites. Maximus sent them a note in one of the accounts and we got a friend request back. i went in and suddenly realized, when i saw one of their pictures, that they are best fuck friends with my ex-husband, One Guy, and his new girlfriend. i suddenly got sick to my stomach. i texted Maximus

Oh no oh no oh no! That couple of Slim and Marilyn’s are best couple fuck friends with One Guy and his girlfriend!

Maximus was extremely supportive. He just could not imagine going to an event where His exes best fuck friends were going to be as well. There’s no way we could be ourselves, feeling like everything was going to be reported back. It would be miserable. Neither of us wants information going back to our exes. In addition, having sex with them was out of the question, it would feel like a huge betrayal to us, like fucking our exes.

So we decided to back out of the party. i got a hold of Slim and Marilyn and explained the situation. They did not realize the connection and felt bad about it, but totally understood. They wanted to uninvite the other couple, but i declined that, it seemed rude to me. i asked them not to tell this couple why we were not coming, but Maximus agreed to share this with our close friends who usually host the parties so we don’t have to have encounters with this couple again.

This rocked me hard. i’m just irritated that my ex, who i’ve not been together with for almost three years, is messing up plans with my best friends. And i just didn’t have the capacity right now for this. This was going to be an escape, a time to relax with friends.

Maximus and i will spend much needed time together though, which we need, which i need. i don’t mean to diminish that. He is the thing i need the most. We will play, work on painting our new dungeon room, go out for a special dinner that i’ve wanted to take Him out at, and we’re going to KinkFest, our first ever BDSM convention. We’ve been totally looking forward to that.

Last night i realized that our contract was set to expire at the end of April. How has six months gone so quickly? i was going through the last amended version and our BDSM Activities List and realize just how much we’ve grown, how much we’ve experienced, and how our boundaries have expanded. i am truly grateful for us. i mentioned the expiration to Maximus and that i’d like to continue the contract. He said He would like to as well. And added that we should sign in Hawaii when we go there in three weeks. i love this idea. A beach, with Maximus, and our continued commitment.

But first, three days, then i get my energy boost. Don’t they call the apparatus that you set cordless rechargeable phones into charging cradles? That’s what i need, Maximus, my charging cradle.

Categories: lifestyle, relationship, relationship needs, swinging lifestyle | Leave a comment

Swingtown

swing

This will probably make you laugh, but i’m finally watching Swingtown. i know it was on tv years ago, but i didn’t watch it, don’t have cable, and really didn’t even know about it. i saw it on Netflix recently and the first disc came today. As i chuckled at Bruce and Susan’s foray into swinging, i realized that i’d never blogged about how i got started in this lifestyle. Great topic idea, i thought!

my story goes back further than just my initiation into swinging, as there are some things in my past that led me down this path. Without those things, i would probably have never gotten into this lifestyle.

During my first marriage i had an affair with a woman. She was an acquaintance through work and we had instant chemistry the moment we met. i had an inkling she was lesbian, but that wasn’t the attraction, she was just someone i connected well with. i was unhappy in my marriage, my husband and i were not connecting, and as we were working different schedules, i had a lot of time available to spend with my friend. One evening, i kissed her, and we became lovers. Most of my free time was spent with her, we even traveled together, my husband not suspecting a thing. She was a lesbian, not bisexual, in fact, she was totally adverse to penises or sex with men. She wanted me to leave my husband and have a committed relationship with her, but i was not able to do that. i was not ready for the social ramifications of that and, quite frankly, while i was not having sex with my husband at the time (he had lost all interest in sex), i knew i really enjoyed sex with men as well as women and couldn’t deny myself that. It was a horrible breakup for both of us, one of the hardest in my life, and i truly loved her. i never told my first husband about this affair as i knew it would destroy him, and still would, if he ever found out.

i eventually divorced this husband and had several sexual affairs with men. After a bit, i met my second husband. i had decided that i did not like that i had been dishonest in my first marriage and divulged my lesbian affair–i never wanted to be dishonest with a partner again. i was fearful that my truth would scare ex #2 away, but it didn’t, it excited him! He shared that he and his ex-wife had “fuck friends,” another couple that they played around with, and really enjoyed that. i had a million questions about that, didn’t understand it at first, but, a threesome had always been a secret fantasy of mine. i truly enjoyed having sex with a woman and this seemed like a way to continue that honestly.

We didn’t jump into swinging immediately. We talked about it throughout the year we dated and the year we were first married. Close to our first anniversary, i discovered that he had been perusing swinger sites, which bothered me, although it did not appear that he had met with anyone. i decided that i didn’t want him to have a sexual affair (note, our sex life was fantastic, so that wasn’t an issue) and suggested to him that maybe we should try a swinger’s site out (i never divulged that i had discovered his secret). We set up a profile and had our first swingers’ date with another couple on our first wedding anniversary!

Our first date was phenomenal! i had no idea what to expect, and neither did my husband. We met this couple at a great pub, had drinks and dinner, hit it off well, and they asked if we wanted to go back to their place to play. So we did! And it was awesome! We were hooked. We went on more dates, started going to a local swingers club, and connected with a group that i still play with today–the group where i, in fact, met Maximus. We never played separately, that i’m aware of, but i have a feeling that i am incorrect in that statement! Our swinging did not break us up, in fact, it was the strongest part of our relationship, but it couldn’t hold us together.

It was a great journey. i never met other swingers the way Bruce and Susan did. If we did, they certainly did not divulge their lifestyle. i do know that i am much like Trina now, that i love to be edgy and provocative with vanilla to see what bites, but really not as forthright or assertive with them as she was when she had Susan over for their Fourth of July party. Part of the reason is that i really do not like to teach people how to be swingers and hate the risk of drama from someone or couples freaking out about the lifestyle in the middle of things. And, i like to keep my privacy about my lifestyle and separate my kink from my vanilla friends.

But i’m never going back to vanilla! i moved to Swingtown and am  never moving away!

Categories: girl on girl sex, lifestyle, swinging, swinging lifestyle, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

In the Beginning

As usual, i’m four steps ahead of myself…

How did we get here? Who are we? Let me start with our beginning, how we met and started our relationship together.

He and i have been great friends for years, met in the swinger lifestyle. i remember meeting Him for the first time, walking into our friends home with my then husband, and seeing Him walk out into the great room in a flourish, completely energizing the entire room and party. i remember being instantly transfixed with this gorgeous man and blown away when He approached me, sexy smile, “Mmmmm, hello,” an amazing kiss and rub, then his wonderful giggle when He then inquired if i’d like a glass of wine. “Who is this man?”, i thought. i want more.

We sat next to each other at dinner, flirts, glances, touches. After dessert He disappeared, only to reappear naked, swimmer’s physique, completely tan except his white ass glowing as He walked outside to the catcalls and teasing from the group about always being the first one naked. Oh my god, how do i not make it obvious, but i want to strip right now and join Him. i cannot remember how or when, but i did join Him, we met in the hot tub and promptly went upstairs to play.

His skin, oh His skin, i remember touching it for the first time–like kid leather, supple, taut, warm, golden, shaved smooth for swimming. His body on top of mine is heaven. Amazing kisses, my hands in his silky hair. And then He takes me in squirting orgasm with His hands, “That’s my favorite thing!” I gasp, “Please don’t stop!” We played together and then parted to check on our respective spouses and then played with others, it was, after all, a swingers party. We exchanged contact information when I left with my husband.

Although i so enjoyed Him, our contact was limited to parties at our friends’ home, so a few times a year. Neither my husband nor i had chemistry with His wife, but that did not deter us from enjoying each other fully when we were together.

Some time after, my marriage dissolved, well, it wasn’t solid to begin with. i contacted our lifestyle friends to let them know our status and contact changes. He replied to me to let me know i was always welcome to come stay with Him and his wife. i never took him up on that offer. i had lost my soul in my last marriage. i did see Him one last time at our friend’s Halloween party, two years ago this week, enjoyed Him but sex was a distraction i couldn’t handle and i needed to heal. i slipped away from the swinging lifestyle, delved into Tantra to rediscover myself.

After over a year of healing, learning through trial and error that vanilla relationships did not fit my life, i returned to swinging, reconnecting with my friends in this lifestyle. i returned to my online sources to reconnect and found His status had changed to single–i was shocked! i sent Him a note to let Him know i was sorry to see the status change, hoped He was ok, and as i had gone through a breakup myself, asked Him to let me know if he needed anything or just to talk. i never heard from Him. i checked his profile occasionally and saw He hadn’t been online to read it. Not knowing whose contact info i had, His or his wife’s, i was reluctant to email or call. 

Two months later, as i walked into my friends’ home, i watched Him walk out into the great room in a flourish, completely energizing the entire room and party…i want more.

Categories: BDSM, D/s, Dom/sub, Dominant, lifestyle, submissive, swinging, swinging lifestyle | Leave a comment

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