BDSM relationship

Under the Bus

Day 3 at Desire….ahhhhhh!

It’s so nice to see all of our friends again. And it’s great to be back with the subs and our banter/comradarie/bus throwing! Get a sub “volunteered” for some type of service/punishment/funishment/activity for a Dom and you have thrown a subbie under the bus.  

But it’s a nice bus! ~ Shara

Throwing a sub under the bus is a grand sport and this year we have embraced it with vigor! 

We have bus socks: 

And little bus tattoos that you earn by successfully throwing a sub under the bus…like football helmet hash marks earned for awesome tackles. 


Happy happy!

Categories: BDSM relationship, D/s, Desire, discipline, Dom/sub, J.V. and Shara | Leave a comment

Dancing and D/s

 

heal

“After all, Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did. She just did it backwards and in high heels.” — Ann Richards

Maximus and i had our first introductory dance lesson last week and it was Wonderful!! It really was a great date night idea and Maximus was in heaven. i wore my new John Fluevog Heal shoes, which the instructor fell in love with, and they were perfect for dancing in (the instructor even remarked on that after checking them out).

Besides the instructor, i was the only woman and there were three men, including Maximus. It was nice to have a small class, but it would’ve been nice to have an equal pairing. We learned the steps separately, at first, and then paired up, switching partners between songs. While i didn’t want to switch partners, it gave me a chance to experience different styles and what worked, and kept me from trying to manage my lead, as while i might be tempted to do that with Maximus, i wouldn’t do that with a stranger! We learned the Waltz first and then American Tango. We spent considerably more time on the Waltz, learning how to turn the woman and then how to rotate the step together. i thought it was a lovely dance. We rushed through the tango as we were running out of time, and it required a lot more work by the woman, and i’d like to spend more time learning it.

i discovered that ballroom dancing is just like D/s:

  • There are defined roles

There is a leader and a follower. It is clearly defined and the leader is in charge of deciding where we are going and how we will be proceeding. Should the follower try to take the lead, toes are going get stepped on! Staying in your roles makes for a smooth and beautiful dance.

  • The leader must be strong and confident

my mom has always said, “Fake it ’til you make it,” meaning, be strong, even if you’re scared to death. The follower is depending on the leader to initiate the movement, even when they are learning. The leader’s arms must be strong so they guide the follower in the direction they wish to go.

  • Communication is paramount

In dance, you communicate with your connection, your body, your eyes, and this is vital. The leader must be able to convey their expectation for the next step, the direction they are going, how they are doing it. Without this communication, things fall apart.

  • The follower must trust their leader

The follower is not in charge and they have to trust that. If you don’t trust your leader, again, toes will be stepped on! Breathe, relax, and allow your partner to lead you. Don’t top from the bottom.

  • The leader is showing off their follower

In dance, as in D/s, the leader shows off the strengths of their partner, spinning them, doing things that show off their body, taking advantage of clothing to display their best.

  • It takes practice

You’re not going to get it right the first time, or the second time, and after you do get it, you’re going to have hiccups! It’s not a “one and done,” it’s a skill that takes attention. There’s always more to learn, things to add, things to refine.

  • It takes patience

You’re both learning–be patient. As the follower, you can’t rush the leader. Don’t get frustrated, be a helpful follower. Toes might get stepped on, steps out of sync, moves forgotten–it’s ok. Pick up, carry on, and continue to learn together.

  • It is supposed to be fun for both partners

It really should be! If it’s not, figure out why and fix it. Perhaps you’re not following your role, not communicating, not being patient. And sadly, perhaps it’s not the right partner for you.

  • Connection is the key

Hold on tight–we’re in this together!

We’re both looking forward to the next lesson Friday night. This time we’ll learn Salsa and Bachata. Maybe we’ll stay for the open Argentine Tango lesson afterward to figure tango out better. Maximus wants to do private lessons with our instructor after we finish this series, and i think that is great!

i think this is good for us. Not only because it’s something fun and social, but that it builds upon our D/s, teaches us skills we can apply in our relationship, makes us better partners. i’m excited for our future, to see how we grow from applying these skills, both in dance and in D/s.

Categories: 24/7, BDSM relationship, D/s, dancing, date night, Fluevog shoes, relationship, trust | Tags: | 1 Comment

Feminism in Lifestyle and D/s

girls women females

Feminism is the ability to choose what you want to do – Nancy Reagan

i started writing this several months ago, and just hadn’t finished it. It’s something that comes up now and again in D/s…how does feminism fit in the lifestyle and aren’t you setting women back a century by submitting to a man? i even worried about this when Maximus and i were first starting.

For me, feminism is about having the choice to do whatever the hell it is you want to do rather than being held within the constraints of social expectation. The key word there is choice. As a feminist, i decide what it is i want to do, based upon my needs, wants, and desires. This is how i was raised–do whatever it is you want to do, the sky’s the limit. And this is how i have lived my life.

i never picked traditional visions for myself as a young girl. my dreams were to become a doctor, an astronaut, or work in public safety–none of these were “normal” choices when i was a girl. And i persevered, breaking into a non-traditional profession with a group of the first women in my place of occupation of all men. i was very successful and became the first woman to hold leadership where i worked, and climbed through the ranks to be a “leader of men” so to speak. i was great at it, it fit me, and i loved it.

And then i needed a change. It was my choice. i decided that this role was no longer feeding my soul, but service, a big part of what i did in that occupation, certainly did. Maximus offered me the opportunity to pursue that with Him, and after careful consideration, i retired and came to be with Him in our 24/7 CEO/COO D/s relationship.

i know for many my choice makes no sense to them. How could i go from a “position of strength” to a “position of weakness”–essentially throwing away my feminist power? The truth is, i didn’t. i’m not weak, i’m not helpless, i didn’t throw away my power–i discovered how to use my strengths and power in a way that serves both Maximus and me. And i chose it, because i have the power to make choices in my life.

Maximus is my Dominant and i am His submissive, but it is my responsibility to make sure this household runs smoothly and efficiently. i run the tactical side of our house while He runs the strategic side–that is my service to Him. He does not micromanage me, He certainly hasn’t got time for that, and i operate within defined parameters with my autonomy intact, able to make decisions. Maximus desired me for my strength and leadership, someone He could delegate to, and would never want me to be a shrinking violet, requiring huge amounts of direction.

Being His submissive allows me to use my skills, all my non-traditional skills i have acquired and developed throughout my life. And it allows me to embrace my femininity, something i pushed away during my career. To me, it feels more balanced, and i am happier. Does it negate my earlier life? No, i think it honors it, that i can continue to use those skills to help others and myself.

i suppose this is rambling, but the key to it is that this was my choice, not an expectation i bowed down to. This is why i characterize my submission as a gift (which is another area of contention with many others in D/s). First, i am gifted as a submissive, it is my gift or talent, and i use it to serve. Second, it was my choice to give my submission to Maximus, a gift i gave freely and fully, not to be taken back. i believe this is the greatest attribute to feminism, the choice to decide what is best for ourselves, and to do it unapologetically, loud and proud.

Categories: 24/7, balance, BDSM relationship, D/s, Dom/sub, feminism, submissive, submissive housewife, Total Power Exchange, TPE | Tags: | 1 Comment

Updated Contract, Rules, Rituals, and Protocols

love-note-1

i love it when Maximus leaves little love notes for me hidden throughout the house on mornings He leaves for work travel!

Maximus and i have finalized our Contract and Appendix 1-Rules, Rituals, and Protocols that we have been working on this past week. Since i described the changes in details in previous posts (January 2017 Contract Updates, January 2017 Rules Updates, and January 2017 Rituals and Protocols Update), i won’t go into that again, and am simply posting the accepted Contract and Appendix 2. However, there were a couple of changes since my initial journal posts.

Under Fundamental Terms, we removed the requirement for written permission to share details of our relationship dynamic. We do need to discuss and verbally agree prior to sharing this information with others.

There are a few changes in our Rules section:

Sleep: A provision was added to allow for separate sleep in times of illness.

Food: Green juice preparation went from a daily ritual to “as requested”.

Sex: A requirement that i shall be responsible for cleaning and putting away of toys and my leather collar after sex-play was added.

Communication: Maximus added a cue for me to say if He gets distracted, “ADD”, or anxious during communication, in order to snap Him out of it. It doesn’t happen often, but it’s something we’ve noticed during discussing His episodes of chest pain and other stressful topics and He wishes to avoid this.

Financial: Funds request rule was moved to Protocols.

Social Organization: i am to bring my calendar to Happy Half for any schedule updates He’s had during His workday.

Some Rituals changes:

Morning Ritual: i do not have to wait for Maximus to bring me tea in order to get out of bed (this was a miscommunication while we were discussing changes) and if i do get up before Maximus, i am to make His coffee and my tea.

Green juice preparation was moved from Ritual to Rules with the changes noted above.

Dominant’s Traveling Rituals: Maximus added a photo requirement for me while He is traveling, texting a sexy photo each day, using Invisible Ink setting on my iPhone.

At the end, Maximus desired to adjust the language about discipline for any compliance failures i may have of these Rules, Rituals, and Protocol. He felt the language was unnecessarily severe.

i have updated the BDSM Contract and Rules page and am posting a copy of the accepted Contract and Appendix 1 – Rules, Rituals, and Protocols here.

CONTRACT

Made this 1st day of January 2017 (“The Commencement Date”)

BETWEEN

“The Dominant”

“the submissive”

PREAMBLE

1 This contract has been developed under the guidance of an established Relationship Vision defined by the Dominant and the submissive: Growing Old Together (GOT) – a lifelong, harmonious, loving, committed relationship together.

2 This private contract is provided as a binding agreement, which defines in specific terms, the relationship and interaction between the participants. This contract defines the personal relationship structure of the parties and is binding only by the integrity of the parties. This contract in no way supersedes the Laws of the United States. This agreement is entered into voluntarily, both parties being fully informed, consensually, without coercion, or undue influence, with both parties agreeing to the conditions and stipulations set out herein.

THE PARTIES AGREE AS FOLLOWS

3 The following are the terms of a binding contract between the Dominant and the submissive.

FUNDAMENTAL TERMS

4 The fundamental purpose of this contract is to allow both the Dominant and the submissive to explore their sensuality and sexuality, and the submissive’s serviceheart, with due respect and regard for her needs, her limits, and her well-being.

5 The Dominant and the submissive agree and acknowledge that all that occurs under the terms of this contract will be consensual, confidential, and subject to the agreed limits and safety procedures set out in this contract. Additional limits and safety procedures may be agreed in writing. Both parties shall safeguard this unique relationship. Neither can inform others of our D/s dynamic without prior agreement from the other. As this contract is confidential, both parties must agree in the occasion that it is shared with any person(s), in any format, including directing other parties to the submissive’s blog, which is her online journal.

6 The Dominant and the submissive recognize that this relationship is unique to them and is a primary relationship to any other relationship the Dominant or the submissive have with others. They agree that emotional monogamy is required in this relationship. There will be no additional partners brought temporarily or permanently into the relationship.  The submissive will be the Dominant’s only sub; The Dominant shall be the submissive’s only Dom. Furthermore, the submissive shall not take on the position of a Domme or Dominatrix with another party, nor shall the Dominant be taken in as a submissive to another.

7 The Dominant and the submissive each warrant that they suffer from no sexual, serious, infectious, or life-threatening illnesses, including but not limited to HIV, herpes, and hepatitis. If during the Term (as defined below) or any extended term of this contract either party should be diagnosed with or become aware of any such illness, he or she undertakes to inform the other immediately and in any event prior to any form of physical contact between the parties.

8 Adherence to the above warranties, agreements, and undertakings (and any additional limits and safety procedures agreed under clause 7 above) are fundamental to this contract. Any breach shall render it void with immediate effect and each party agrees to be fully responsible to the other for the consequence of any breach.

9 Everything in this contract must be read and interpreted in the light of the fundamental purpose and the fundamental terms set out in clauses 4-8 above.

ROLES

10 Dominant  and submissive  adopt a 24/7 D/s relationship in the style of Chief Executive Officer/Chief Operating Officer (CEO/COO).

11 The Dominant shall take responsibility for the well-being and the proper training, guidance, and discipline of the submissive. He shall decide the nature of such training, guidance, and discipline and the time and place of its administration, subject to agreed terms, limitations, and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above.

12 Subject to that proviso and to clauses 4-8 above, the submissive is to serve and obey the Dominant in all things. Subject to the agreed terms, limitations, and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 8 above, she shall without query or hesitation offer the Dominant such pleasure as he may require and she shall accept without query or hesitation his training, guidance, and discipline in whatever form it may take.

COMMENCEMENT AND TERM

13 The Dominant and submissive enter into this contract on the Commencement Date fully aware of its nature and undertake to abide by its conditions without exception.

14 This contract shall apply in a 24/7 basis and be effective indefinitely.

SERVICE PROVISIONS

15 The following service provisions have been discussed and agreed and will be adhered to by both parties during the Term. Both parties accept that certain matters may arise that are not covered by the terms of this contract or the service provisions, or that certain matters may be renegotiated. Furthermore, it is expected that the Dominant and submissive shall review this contract in its entirety at regular intervals to ensure they understand and agree to its content, rules, and agreed activities.  In such circumstances, further clauses may be proposed by way of amendment. Any further clauses or amendments must be discussed, agreed, documented, and signed by both parties in person and shall be subject to the fundamental terms set out under clauses 4-8 above. Tentatively agreed upon amendments that are awaiting physical agreement shall be followed fully.

DOMINANT

15.1 The Dominant shall make the submissive’s health and safety a priority at all times. The Dominant shall not at any time require, request, allow, or demand the submissive to participate at the hands of the Dominant in the activities detailed in Appendix 2 or in any act that either party deems to be unsafe. The Dominant will not undertake or permit to be undertaken any action which could cause serious injury or any risk to the submissive’s life. The remaining subclauses of this clause are to be read subject to this proviso and to the fundamental matters agreed in clauses 4-8 above.

15.2 The Dominant accepts the submissive as his, to own, control, dominate, and discipline during the Term. The Dominant may use the submissive’s body at any time or in any manner he deems fit, sexually or otherwise.

15.3 The Dominant shall provide the submissive with all necessary training and guidance in how to properly serve the Dominant.

15.4 The Dominant shall maintain a stable and safe environment in which the submissive may perform her duties in service of the Dominant.

15.5 The Dominant may discipline the submissive as necessary to ensure the submissive fully appreciates her role of subservience to the Dominant and to discourage unacceptable conduct. The Dominant may flog or spank the submissive as he sees fit, for purposes of discipline, for his own personal enjoyment, or for any other reason, which he is not obliged to provide.

15.6 In training and in the administration of discipline the Dominant shall ensure that no permanent marks are made upon the submissive’s body nor any injuries incurred that may require medical attention.

15.7 In training and in the administration of discipline the Dominant shall ensure that the discipline and the instruments used for the purposes of discipline are safe, shall not be used in such way as to cause serious harm, and shall not in any way exceed the limits defined and detailed in this contract.

15.8 The Dominant shall never punish the submissive in anger.

15.9 In case of illness or injury the Dominant shall care for the submissive, seeing to her health and safety, encouraging and, when necessary, ordering medical attention when it is judged necessary by the Dominant.

15.10 The Dominant shall maintain his own good health and seek medical attention when necessary in order to maintain a risk-free environment.

15.11 The Dominant shall not give his submissive to another Master or Dominant. The Dominant may direct the submissive to serve another Master or Dominant within the limits of Appendix 2, but the submissive shall not be given as property to that Master or Dominant.

15.12 The Dominant may restrain, handcuff, or bind the submissive at any time for any reason and for extended periods of time, giving due regard to the health and safety of the submissive.

15.13 The Dominant will ensure that all equipment used for the purposes of training and discipline shall be maintained in a clean, hygienic, and safe state at all times.

SUBMISSIVE

15.14 The submissive accepts the Dominant as her Master, with the understanding that she is now the property of the Dominant, to be dealt with as the Dominant pleases during the Term.

15.15 The submissive shall obey the rules, rituals, and protocols (“the Rules, Rituals, and Protocols”) set out in Appendix 1 to this agreement. The Dominant shall also follow the guidelines of the Rules, Rituals, and Protocols to this agreement as they apply to Him.

15.16 The submissive shall serve the Dominant in any way the Dominant sees fit and shall endeavor to please the Dominant at all times to the best of her ability. The submissive will utilize anticipatory service in her service to The Dominant.

15.17 The submissive shall take all measures necessary to maintain her good health and shall request or seek medical attention whenever it is needed, keeping the Dominant informed at all times of any health issues that may arise. This includes mental health as well as physical health.

15.18 The submissive shall accept without question any and all disciplinary actions deemed necessary by the Dominant and remember her status and role in regard to the Dominant at all times.

15.19 The Dominant may, at times, direct the submissive not to touch or pleasure herself sexually without permission from the Dominant.

15.20 The submissive shall submit to any sexual activity demanded by the Dominant and shall do so without hesitation or argument.

15.21 The submissive shall accept floggings, spankings, paddlings, or any other discipline the Dominant should decide to administer, without hesitation, inquiry, or complaint.

15.22 The submissive shall always conduct herself in a respectful manner to the Dominant. The Dominant will direct the submissive how she shall address Him, including Sir, Maximus, or such other title as the Dominant may direct, depending upon the environment and social situation. “Sir” or “Maximus” are not to be used when in the presence of family, vanilla friends, or any other situation which would bring embarrassment or undo negative attention.

15.23 The submissive shall keep a journal documenting the journey of the Dominant and submissive, her thoughts, and feelings. This journal will be online and accessible to the Dominant at all times. The Dominant shall be notified of new postings and any edits of older posts. Old posts shall not be removed by either party unless agreed upon in writing. The submissive shall document any activities and/or discussions as directed by the Dominant, in addition to her regular postings.

ACTIVITIES

16 The submissive shall not participate in activities or any sexual acts that either party deems to be unsafe or any activities detailed in Appendix 2.

17 The Dominant and the submissive have discussed the activities set out in Appendix 2 and recorded in writing on Appendix 2 their agreement in respect of them.

SAFEWORDS

18 The Dominant and the submissive recognize that the Dominant may make demands of the submissive that cannot be met without incurring physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or other harm at the time the demands are made to the submissive. In such circumstances related to this, the submissive may make use of a safeword (“The Safeword[s]”). Two Safewords will be invoked depending on the severity of the demands.

19 The Safeword “Yellow” will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the submissive is close to her limit of endurance.

20 The Safeword “Red” will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the submissive cannot tolerate any further demands. When this word is said, the Dominant’s action will cease completely with immediate effect.

CONCLUSION

21 We the undersigned have read and understood fully the provisions of this contract. We freely accept the terms of this contract and have acknowledged this by our signatures below.

submissive’s Signature

i have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. i agree to give myself completely to my Dominant, and further accept His claim of ownership over my physical body. i understand that i may be commanded, trained, and punished and i promise to be true and to fulfill the pleasure and desires of my Dominant to the best of my abilities. i understand that i cannot withdraw from this contract except as stated in this contract.

The submissive:

Date:

 

Dominant’s Signature

I have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. I agree to accept this submissive as my property, body, and possessions, and to care for her to the best of my ability. I shall provide for her security and wellbeing and command her, train her, and punish her as a submissive. I understand the responsibility implicit in this arrangement, and agree that no harm shall come to her as long as she is mine. I further understand that I can withdraw from this contract at any time.

The Dominant:

 Date:

APPENDIX 1 – RULES, RITUALS, AND PROTOCOLS

RULES

Obedience:

The submissive’s goal is to please and serve the Dominant under any circumstance and at all times, ensuring that His life runs as smoothly and effectively as possible. This implies that she focuses upon the Dominant – His safety, needs, and desires—through anticipatory service. The submissive should put Him first in any situation as long as that does not put her into any danger. The submissive should never show any sign of anger or frustration, crankiness, or any disruptive behaviors, emotions, or thoughts. The submissive should never show any disagreement with an order or wish from the Dominant. All orders should be promptly complied to and diligently executed. (10-30-12)

The submissive will obey any instructions given by the Dominant immediately without hesitation or reservation and in an expeditious manner. The submissive will agree to any sexual activity deemed fit and pleasurable by the Dominant excepting those activities that are outlined in the hard limits (Appendix 2). She will do so eagerly and without hesitation. (8-19-13)

Kitchen Safety Zone:

The Dominant recognizes the inherent danger related to the cooking environment and will refrain from any activity jeopardizing the safety of either party while the submissive is cooking in the kitchen or other locations. The kitchen is not to be used as an escape refuge by the submissive, however. (10-25-15)

Sleep:

The submissive will ensure that both she and the Dominant achieve adequate sleep and rest. (10-30-12)

The submissive shall sleep in a position in the bed where the Dominant can touch her at all times. (1-1-17)

The submissive and the Dominant shall sleep in the same bed when together, unless there is a temporary health issue precluding such, which will be discussed and agreed upon prior to separate sleeping arrangements. If there are others in the same bed, the submissive shall sleep next to the Dominant and the Dominant shall sleep only next to the submissive. Should the submissive be in a situation of separate play, she shall sleep alone, not with any other parties, unless negotiated prior to engagement. (11-23-15, amended 1-1-17)

The submissive shall don and wear the Dominant’s wrist cuffs to sleep at night whenever He is traveling and away at night. (1-1-17)

Food:

When dining out, the submissive will scan the menu and offer choices that the Dominant would like to choose from. The submissive and Dominant will place their own orders, unless the Dominant communicates otherwise. (11-23-15)

The submissive shall prepare and serve fresh “green” juice for the Dominant when He is at home, at His request.. (4-24-16, amended 1-1-17)

Clothing:

The submissive will wear clothing approved by the Dominant. The Dominant shall accompany the submissive to purchase clothing on an ad hoc basis. If the Dominant so requires, the submissive shall wear adornments the Dominant shall require, in the presence of the Dominant and at any other time the Dominant deems fit. (6-24-13)

The submissive shall not wear a brassiere after 5:30 PM unless social situation dictates otherwise, i.e. family or vanilla friends present, out for evening, etc. (11-23-15)

When traveling by air or train, the submissive shall dress for first class travel, whether or not her fare is indeed booked or upgraded in that class. First class dress shall include high heels, dress pants and blouse, or dress. (11-23-15)

When at home, the submissive is expected to be naked as much as practical. she may be clothed if projects or duties require her to go in and out of the house or if needed for safety/warmth. Lingerie or apron may be worn. Stiletto heels are the shoe of choice. The submissive will procure and keep a wrap-around dress by the front door to quickly don in the case of unexpected visitors. (11-15-16)

The submissive shall sleep naked at all times, except when family or vanilla friends are visiting or we are visiting them. (11-23-15)

The Dominant has collared the submissive. This collar is to be presented by the submissive for placement (as described in the Protocols section) by the Dominant during training, BDSM play, kink events (where appropriate), and when directed by the Dominant. He has also provided a more discreet marking of ownership in the form of a David Yurman link chain ring and necklace, either or both which shall be worn at all times inside and outside the house, except when bathing, sleeping, or housekeeping/projects and exercise make it unsafe to so do. The submissive is the only person in the world permitted to wear the Dominant’s collar or other markings of ownership, none of which shall ever be shared or loaned by the submissive. (1-1-17)

Exercise:

The submissive shall exercise in a manner necessary to maintain and build her level of fitness necessary to participate and be competitive in the athletic events of their choosing. Exercise shall continue to have a priority in her life and the activities under Appendix 2 shall not interfere with training necessary to maintain a competitive edge. (10-30-12)

Personal Hygiene/Beauty:

The submissive will keep herself clean and shaved and/or waxed at all times. The submissive will visit a beauty salon of the Dominant’s choosing at times to be decided by the Dominant and undergo whatever treatments the Dominant sees fit. The costs of those treatments will be met by the Dominant. (10-30-12)

The submissive shall be responsible for the grooming of the Dominant’s ears and nose to keep them free of errant hair. (1-1-17)

Personal Qualities:

The Dominant and the submissive recognize that their behavior is a direct reflection on the other partner. The Dominant and the submissive shall be held accountable for any misdeeds, wrongdoings, and misbehavior committed when not in the presence of each other. (6-24-13)

The submissive will conduct herself with dignity and grace in public. (1-1-17)

Sex:

As a general rule, the submissive’s orgasms are not controlled, unless otherwise communicated, however, should the submissive have orgasms outside of the Dominant’s presence, she shall communicate this to the Dominant. (11-23-15)

The submissive is responsible for maintaining an adequate supply of lubricants, all types and for all purposes. Failing to maintain supply may mean intercourse without the aid of lubricant and cannot be cause for denial of sexual use by the Dominant or others. (1-1-17)

The submissive shall be responsible for pickup, cleaning, and putting away of sex toys and leather collar after play. (1-1-17)

Swinging:

The Dominant and the submissive desire to continue swinging activities together rather than separately; however, separate play may be negotiated prior to engagement. Sexual relations with others shall be conducted in a manner that shall not expose risk to the health and safety of either partner in this Agreement. The Dominant and the submissive shall maintain joint accounts on such Internet services such as Adult Friend Finder, Kasidie,  Swing Lifestyles, etc. and individual accounts on FetLife (linked to each other) for swing and kink play. Neither party shall cancel, close, delete, or suspend any joint online account for any reason unless mutually agreed upon. (10-30-12)

Communication:

In general, the submissive is always expected to speak and express herself in a respectful manner, whether she is talking to the Dominant or anyone else. (11-23-15)

The Dominant and the submissive shall function with a philosophy of “over-communication.” Outside relationships will be discussed fully and proactively. All inquiries from either party shall be answered fully and honestly. All calendars, written or electronic, shall be maintained and accessible to either party. (11-19-12)

Either party may request access to an individual email account at any time for reason that must be explained to the account owner. The account owner will sit with the other party, login, and be present for the evaluation to witness the viewing and answer any questions that may arise.  These inquiries are not expected to occur frequently, if at all. The same rules apply to all other communication devices as well. (1-1-15)

Both parties agree to work through disagreements using the Imago Dialogue process rather than dissolve this agreement. Dialogues shall begin and end with the spoken words, “I/i love Y/you.” The Dominant and the submissive agree not to yell at any time. Safewords may be used to communicate frustration level to the other party. Either party may request a break from discussions in order to avoid pushing frustration levels to a point of yelling; this break will not be indefinite, but have specific time parameters indicating when discussions shall proceed again. It is also understood that at times, circumstances of life and work may not allow for immediate discussion. In these cases, the parties will set a specific time to have focused discussion with each other, free of distractions and allowing for private communication. (1-1-13)

Both the Dominant and the submissive recognize that humor can cut both ways, in that things spoken or written that might be funny to one person may be perceived as hurtful to the other. This contract, rules, and appendices and content, are not to be the subject of jokes. (1-1-13)

Serious discussions surrounding this contract, rules, or contents, and/or the relationship between the Dominant and submissive shall not take place while either party is driving a vehicle. Both parties recognize that this is not a safe activity. (1-1-13)

The Dominant requests that the submissive use the phrase, “Focus, Sir” should He become distracted or anxious during communication. (1-1-17)

The submissive must express her feelings, wants, state of health, likes, and dislikes at all times. She is free to express those needs consistent with her position, expressing not demanding. (1-1-17)

Any errors or breaches of this contract by the Dominant do not abrogate the submissive’s obligations provided for herein. The submissive may request a discussion, but should not expect an apology from the Dominant for any perceived, or real error, or omissions. Acceptance of this contract is sufficient for the submissive to understand the Dominant’s intent is to provide a safe, healthy structure and life for the submissive and that errors are reflective of the human condition, not motivated by malfeasance, or desire to harm the submissive. The submissive accepts any errors on an ad hoc basis. (1-1-17)

Tough Love Clause:

The submissive has the right to invoke this clause if she strongly believes she must intervene in the Dominant’s best interest. This gives the submissive freedom to speak her mind without being disrespectful. The submissive must announce that she is invoking this clause, state her case calmly and respectfully, allow questions and/or discussion, and accept the Dominant’s ultimate decision on the matter. The Dominant trusts that this clause will only be utilized when absolutely necessary for His well-being, not as a tool for the submissive to control the relationship. (11-23-15)

Travel:

The submissive shall not cause travel delays to the Dominant or any other traveler due to her dress. For example, should her shoes contain metal shanks and have to come off for TSA scanning, even in TSA pre-check, she should be prepared to do so without delaying others. She should be prepared to don her shoes again without delaying the Dominant. (11-23-15)

The submissive shall be polite and courteous while traveling, not blocking or delaying other travelers, therefore, the rule regarding door entry may be suspended when navigating through airports or other travel depots. (11-23-15)

The submissive will not pack the Dominant’s bags for travel unless expressly requested—the Dominant prefers to pack His own luggage. (1-1-17)

Financial

The financial agreements documented in the legal cohabitation agreement between the Dominant and the submissive will apply. (11-23-15)

The submissive shall be responsible for the payment of all utilities and other bills the Dominant so requests. (1-1-17)

The submissive shall track annual state sales tax using the spreadsheet He created, taxable donations, and rental property finances for our joint tax requirements. The submissive shall also accompany the Dominant to all meetings with the tax accountant. (1-1-17)

Annual Goals:

The Dominant and the submissive will annually prepare a list of goals. The submissive will be responsible for monitoring progress, reporting quarterly to the Dominant. (11-23-15)

Training:

The Dominant will schedule submissive training as needed. (4-24-16)

Housekeeping:

Household tasks will be distributed between the Dominant and the submissive at the Dominant’s discretion. Any housework done by the Dominant at His own volition shall not be perceived as a failure by the submissive or subject to punishment, unless the Dominant is completing a task the submissive had been directed to do and failed to complete. (1-1-17)

The Dominant willingly participates in the following housekeeping tasks, although they do not preclude the submissive from doing these tasks: laundry (all aspects, including dropping off and picking up dry cleaning), vacuuming/sweeping, mowing the lawn, blowing out the garage. (1-1-17)

The Dominant desires to own the following tasks, unless He deems them punishment tasks for the submissive: cleaning His own car, cleaning toilets, final cleanup of dishes and kitchen after the submissive prepares dinner. (1-1-17)

Social Organization:

The submissive is responsible for maintaining our social calendar and making suggests for social outings. she will bring her calendar to Happy Half in order to make any schedule updates that have occurred during the Dominant’s workday. (1-1-17)

The submissive is responsible for making social contacts and responding to messages in any and all of our online social networks, as well as email and text. (1-1-17)

The submissive shall maintain an Entertainment Journal that records guests (vanilla and kink) we have hosted, what was served, what we wore, entertainment provided, which room they slept in, etc. In addition, the submissive will track preferences of any and all of our guests in terms of allergies, special needs, favorite beverages, etc., in order to best host them. (1-1-17)

RITUALS

Morning Ritual:

When the Dominant is home, He will bring tea to the submissive at her bedside if still in bed. Once up, she shall promptly make the bed (or strip it if it is time for weekly laundering) and find the Dominant to greet Him for the day. If the submissive arises before the Dominant, she shall make coffee for the Dominant and bring to His bedside and make tea for herself. (1-1-17)

The Dominant and the submissive will begin each day exchanging “Good morning” and “I/i love You/you.” If either the Dominant or the submissive is traveling and physically away from the other, the communication may occur via telephone or text message. (11-23-15)

Focus Ritual:

Whenever the submissive has left the home for any period of time, upon her return, immediately after greeting the Dominant (when He is home), she shall inform Him she is going to have a time for focus, retire to the Master’s bedroom, and spend at least five minutes re-focusing back into her D/s relationship with the Dominant, thus releasing all angst and frustration in order to best serve Him. (1-1-17)

Happy Half Ritual:

The Dominant wishes to conclude His business day at 5:30 PM. In order to achieve this, the submissive shall notify the Dominant at 5:00 PM and serve drinks at 5:30 PM for the transition from work to home. The typical transition period will be approximately 30 minutes, termed “Happy Half,” for discussion and drinks to allow the Dominant to unwind from His day prior to dinner. (4-24-16)

Bedtime Ritual:

Before retiring to bed, the submissive shall prepare the coffee pot for the Dominant’s morning coffee, and set out her desired tea and fill the kettle in preparation for her morning tea. (1-1-17)

The submissive will prepare the Dominant’s bed whenever He is retiring to sleep. All decorative pillows will be removed from the bed and stored, His quilt will be spread over His side if He is desiring it, the covers and top sheet folded back for entry, His bed pillow set flat, and pillow for propping under His legs tucked between the sheets at the level of His knees. His bedside lamp will be turned on. (1-1-17)

The Dominant and the submissive will conclude each day with “Good night” and “I/i love You/you.” If either the Dominant or the submissive is traveling and physically away from the other, the communication may occur via telephone or text message. (11-23-15)

Greeting Rituals:

The submissive shall always greet the Dominant with a kiss and a smile, whether in private or public, if they have been apart. (1-1-17)

Whenever the Dominant is coming home from business travel, whether by air or car, the following greetings will occur, based upon His time of arrival.

Before 9 PM: the submissive shall don an outfit of His choosing (may be one of several preset selections), prepare the drink that He requests by telephone or text on His way home, and wait in the living room. The Dominant will enter the house, go into His office to drop off His things, check correspondence, and come to the submissive in the living room. At His command, the submissive will follow Him upstairs to the Master’s bedroom to sit and visit with Him while He unpacks and prepares His bags for a future trip.

Between 9-11 PM: the submissive shall don an outfit of His choosing (may be one of several preset selections) or a robe (should she have retired to bed already) when He notifies her by telephone or text that He is on His way home, and wait in the living room. The Dominant will enter the house, go into His office to drop off His things, and come to the submissive in the living room. At His command, the submissive will follow Him upstairs to the Master’s bedroom where He may or may not unpack.

After 11 PM: the submissive may remain in bed, should she have retired already. If she has not retired to bed, the 9-11 PM ritual shall apply. If she has retired to bed, she shall prepare the Dominant’s bed and leave entry and closet lights on in preparation for His return home before retiring herself. (1-1-17)

Dominant’s Traveling Rituals:

While the Dominant is traveling, the submissive shall text at least one sexy photo of herself every day using the invisible ink function on her iPhone to the Dominant’s personal phone. (1-1-17)

PROTOCOLS

When entering into the awareness of the Dominant, such as into His office while He is working, the submissive is to lightly knock on the door and await response from the Dominant for entry. Should the Dominant not respond to the knock, the submissive may knock again for response. (4-24-16)

In public situations, the submissive shall walk beside the Dominant unless the Dominant signals or communicates otherwise. The submissive shall wait for the Dominant to open doors for her, other than restroom and car doors, which may or may not be opened by the Dominant for her. (4-24-16)

The submissive shall wait for the Dominant to open the car door for her, if she is a passenger, except for when entering or leaving the car in the garage at home, due to obstruction. (1-1-17)

When walking on sidewalks or adjacent to vehicle traffic, the submissive shall walk on the inside, with the Dominant walking adjacent to traffic. (4-24-16)

When presenting the Dominant with an item, they are to be gently presented with two hands, palms up, when possible, presenting and holding until it is accepted or directed to be set down. (1-1-17)

When the submissive is to be collared with her leather collar for training, scenes, or at any other direction of the Dominant, she shall kneel upright, and present her collar in both palms in front of her. After the Dominant receives the collar from her, the submissive shall place her hands on the back of her head, holding her hair up off of her neck for placement of the collar by the Dominant. After the collar is place, she shall remain kneeling and place her palms on both thighs, awaiting next instruction. (1-1-17)

Should the submissive require funds, she will present the Dominant with an itemized request by kneeling before Him and presenting it in her outstretched hands. The submissive will perform whatever request the Dominant has at that time in order to receive the requested funds. (11-23-15, amended 1-1-17)

Failure to comply with any of the above rules, rituals, or protocols may result in discipline.­­­­­­

Categories: BDSM contract, BDSM relationship, communication, D/s, Dom/sub, M/s, protocols, rituals, rules, Total Power Exchange, TPE | Tags: | 4 Comments

Date Night

dancing

i’m super excited! Going through our goals we rediscovered our commitment to weekly date nights, so tonight is date night #1 for 2017. The other thing we had forgotten about was our desire to have dancing lessons, salsa in particular. So when Maximus asked me to come up with something for our date night, i knew just what i wanted to research–dance lessons!

i’ve had salsa lessons, something i did with a swinging lifestyle girlfriend after i divorced OneGuy, and i’ve done Zumba for years, which is salsa-based, but Maximus has never had them. We love dancing together, and Maximus has some great partner-dancing moves, but we want to do more.

 

 

Recurring weeknight commitments are hard with Maximus’ erratic travel schedule, but i found a dance lesson series on Friday nights for January, starting tonight. It’s not salsa, but an introductory series on Tango, waltz, salsa, bachata, foxtrot, swing, cha cha, and rumba. What’s cool is that after each class is an hour-long open class that varies week-to-week, with nightclub two-step, Argentine tango, American waltz, and bachata, and dance parties after that every week. So we’re hopeful that we’re going to come away from this with some moves! And how better to reinforce D/s with partner dancing, with a leader and a follower?

On another note, Maximus and i went over the contract and rule changes last night. There are still a few tweaks here and there. We will be finalizing the contract Monday at my weekly training session, and then i can update the Contract and Rules page.

Categories: BDSM relationship, D/s, dancing, date night | Tags: | Leave a comment

January 2017 Rules Updates

rules

There are a lot of changes to Appendix 1 Rules of our contract, so hold on tight!

First, Appendix 1 will be renamed Rules, Rituals, and Protocols

One rule is being moved to the body of the contract:

The Dominant and the submissive recognize that this relationship is unique to them and is a primary relationship to any other relationship the Dominant or the submissive have with others.  The submissive will be the Dominant’s only sub; The Dominant shall be the submissive’s only Dom. Furthermore, the submissive shall not take on the position of a Domme or Dominatrix with another party, nor shall the Dominant be taken in as a submissive to another.

While that seemed to imply emotional monogamy, it really didn’t spell it out. Emotional monogramy is fundamental to our relationship, so it deserved to be written into the contract and will be included in this clause. Furthermore, it was listed as a rule and it should be in the fundamentals of our contract, so it has been moved.

There are three changes under the category Sleep.

First, the rule about preparing Maximus’ bed is being moved to the Rituals section and will further describe exactly how i should perform this.

Second, we are adding:

The submissive shall sleep in a position in the bed where the Dominant can touch her at all times.

Maximus prefers that i am in close contact with Him while we sleep, something that was impossible for me to do while i was suffering from hypothyroidism (our body temperatures were so off from each other that any touch from Him felt like hot brands burning into my skin, and not in a sexy, BDSM way!). Now that i am in recovery, Maximus is establishing this rule.

Third,

The submissive shall don and wear the Dominant’s wrist cuffs to sleep at night whenever He is traveling and away at night.

This is a reminder to me of His need for touch at night and makes me feel more secure while He is gone.

Under Clothing, we are adding a notation about the wearing of my day collar/collar-representing jewelry. Again, it was something that had been communicated but not codified.

The Dominant has collared the submissive. This collar is to be presented by the submissive for placement (as described in the Protocols section) by the Dominant during training, BDSM play, kink events (where appropriate), and when directed by the Dominant. He has also provided a more discreet marking of ownership in the form of a David Yurman link chain ring and necklace, either or both which shall be worn at all times inside and outside the house, except when bathing, sleeping, or housekeeping/projects and exercise make it unsafe to so do. The submissive is the only person in the world permitted to wear the Dominant’s collar or other markings of ownership, none of which shall ever be shared or loaned by the submissive.

The collar is extremely important to us. Maximus just wants the wearing of my actual collar and collar-representing jewelry to be practical and safe. i am always collared and am aware of my collaring without the actual collar or jewelry in place. This is a deviation from most collared subs, but it is Maximus’ rule for me.

Personal Hygiene/Beauty has a new entry regarding my responsibility for keeping Maximus’ ears and nose free of errant hair.

Under Personal Qualities, we are adding:

The submissive will conduct herself with dignity and grace in public.

It’s not been a problem, but important to note.

Sex will now include that i am responsible for maintaining our supply of lubricants, all types and for all purposes. Failing to maintain supply may mean intercourse without the aid of lubricant.

Under Communication, we are adding:

The submissive must express her feelings, wants, state of health, likes, and dislikes at all times. She is free to express those needs consistent with her position, expressing not demanding.

This includes communicating about whether i dislike a television show or movie rather than just getting up in the middle and leaving the room–i didn’t realize this was a problem for Maximus, i thought i was being polite. Apparently this leaves Him in a lurch wondering if He should pause and wait for me to return, if He’d offended me somehow, if i’m ill, etc.

We are also adding:

Any errors or breaches of this contract by the Dominant do not abrogate the submissive’s obligations provided for herein. The submissive may request a discussion, but should not expect an apology from the Dominant for any perceived, or real error, or omissions. Acceptance of this contract is sufficient for the submissive to understand the Dominant’s intent is to provide a safe, healthy structure and life for the submissive and that errors are reflective of the human condition, no motivated by malfeasance, or desire to harm the submissive. The submissive accepts any errors on an ad hoc basis.

This helps with a perception that Maximus has that i am, at times, requesting discussion about issues expecting an apology–i’m generally not. Most of the time i just want to communicate how i’m feeling and have acknowledgement that He recognizing how something made me feel and an apology from Him just makes me feel more frustrated and unheard. He shared that He often just apologizes just to avoid discussion.

New subject heading: Housekeeping.

Household tasks will be distributed between the Dominant and the submissive at the Dominant’s discretion. Any housework done by the Dominant at His own volition shall not be perceived as a failure by the submissive or subject to punishment, unless the Dominant is completing a task the submissive had been directed to do and failed to complete.

The Dominant willingly participates in the following housekeeping tasks, although they do not preclude the submissive from doing these tasks: laundry (all aspects, including dropping off and picking up dry cleaning), vacuuming/sweeping, mowing the lawn, blowing out the garage.

The Dominant desires to own the following tasks, unless He deems them punishment tasks for the submissive: cleaning His own car, cleaning toilets, final cleanup of dishes and kitchen after the submissive prepares dinner.

Maximus enjoys housekeeping tasks, it gives Him a break from His work day. i get a little twitchy about this, however, and often apologize when i find Him completing housework tasks–He wants this to stop. i do have my daily chore list that i developed and will continue this, i just need to understand that He is going to do some housework as well.

The Interaction section will be moved to Protocals.

In Travel, Maximus wanted it clarified that i do not pack His travel bags.

Under Financial, we are adding language to reflect the recent addition of my responsibility for paying utility bills. Maximus has also added that i will track all sales tax (using the spreadsheet He created), taxable donations, and rental property finances. i am also to go with Him to meetings with the tax accountant.

There will be one addition to Work/Life Balance which is to indicate that i am to bring my calendar to Happy Half in case Maximus needs to update me on any schedule updates that have occurred during His workday.

Social Organization is a new section.

The submissive is responsible for maintaining our social calendar and making suggestions for social outings.

The submissive is responsible for making social contacts and responding to messages in any and all of our online social networks, as well as email and text.

The submissive shall maintain an Entertainment Journal that records guests (vanilla and kink) we have hosted, what was served, what we wore, entertainment provided, which room they slept in, etc. In addition, the submissive will track preferences of any and all of our guests in terms of allergies, special needs, favorite beverages, etc., in order to best host them.

It appears to be a lot of new rules, but many of these are codifying what we have already been doing and some are reorganizations into correct or new parts of the contract. i will be going through and adding the dates each rule was taught to me, which i will continue from this point forward. In addition, i will keep a copy of the Appendix 1 Rules, Rituals, and Protocols available in a binder at all times for my (and Maximus’) reference.

Tomorrow i will journal about our new Rituals and Protocols sections.

Categories: 24/7, BDSM contract, BDSM relationship, D/s, Dom/sub, M/s, rules, Total Power Exchange, training | Tags: | Leave a comment

2017 Relationship Vision, Values, and Goals

Somehow Maximus and i missed reviewing our Relationship Vision, Values, and Goals last year–that should tell you just how chaotic last year was! We’ve never missed a year, so this was a big deal.

Values

We started with our values. As before, we brainstormed values and i wrote them on Post-It notes. We came up with quite a lot!

2017-values

We came up with:

  • Travel *
  • Friends
  • Fun
  • Entertainment (Parties, Movies, Theatre) *
  • Adventure
  • Fitness *
  • Family
  • Learning
  • Work
  • Financial Stability
  • Home *
  • Support (emotional, physical) *
  • GOT *
  • Health
  • Mindfulness *
  • Patience *
  • Contentment *
  • Happiness *
  • Balance *
  • D/s *
  • Sexuality
  • Honesty *
  • Disclosure *
  • Communication *
  • Accountability *

Then i compared them with what we came up with in 2014. A * indicates a new value from last time. i stacked duplicates and added what we felt were relevant from 2014:

  • Faith
  • Organization
  • Compassion
  • Cleanliness
  • Autonomy
  • Selflessness
  • Creativity
  • Spontaneity
  • Order

We then worked on ranking them as to their priority in our lives together. As we went along, we realized several were supportive of major values, so it ended up as a tree of sorts. As always, this process lead to a lot of discussion on meaning and level of importance–which is just as important, if not more so, as the exercise itself!

2017-values-ranked

Here are how our values worked out for 2017. It’s a bit more complex than last time. The bold text is a major category, supporting values are bulleted beneath. It has surprised us both times that faith has come in last. i think that the events of 2016 really influenced us, in that health ranked second this time, above family and career.

 

 Our 2017 Values

Our GOT Relationship

  • Support
    • Emotional
    • Physical
  • Patience
  • Mindfulness
  • Compassion
  • Selflessness
  • Autonomy
  • Accountability
  • Communication, Honesty, Disclosure
  • Sexuality
  • D/s

Health and Fitness

Family

Work, Career, Lifelong Learning

Financial Stability

Home

  • Cleanliness
  • Order
  • Organization

Fun

  • Friendships
  • Travel
  • Entertainment
  • Adventure
  • Spontaneity
  • Parties
    • Vanilla
    • Kink

Faith

So going forward, these are the values we will use to guide our decision making processes.

Relationship Vision

Now that we’d completed our values, we looked at our existing relationship vision to make sure that it still applied. And we found it did:

GOT – a lifelong, harmonious, loving, committed relationship together.

There was some discussion about this as Maximus thought it should simply say, “GOT,” but i need it spelled out.

Goals

We started by going through our 2015 goals since we hadn’t worked on 2016 goals and reconciled 2015. Turns out, we did a pretty good job of completing our 2015 goals. We noted that some were completed in 2016, so while we hadn’t written down goals for 2016 we did have an idea in our minds of what we wanted to accomplish based upon the task two years ago.

i’m not going to include the goals here as i have them in an Excel spreadsheet that i use to track our goals on a quarterly basis.

It feels good to be back on track with our Values, Vision, and Goals. It is a nice way to start a new year, knowing we are on track with each other and have things to check ourselves on.

new-year1

 

Categories: BDSM relationship, communication, D/s, openess, Reflection, relationship, relationship needs, Relationship Vision, Values | Tags: | Leave a comment

Master’s Great Heart

fullsizerender2

Maximus had His cardiac angiogram the other day, and His heart is PERFECT! No blockages, no stents needed. There is nothing wrong with His heart. In fact, He has a heart of a much, much younger man.

You cannot imagine what a relief this is.

So why the big scare? Turns out that stress echocardiograms can have false readings and show the potential for bad blockages. Since that test was inconclusive, the cardiac radiologist recommended an angiogram to rule out or confirm. But what a scare that was for us!

2016 ends on a high note!

Categories: BDSM relationship, cardiac | Leave a comment

Father Figure

father-figure

i’m devastated. On the way home from our special Christmas tradition of going to the movies, just the two of us, i got a notification that George Michael had died. i cried on the way home.

i remember when His album came out. So provocative, so dirty, so sexy. Right before college, such a pivotal time for my sexuality. I Want your Sex was so nasty, so delicious. The videos, well….i had to watch them when my parents were gone, or after i’d gone to university. But Father Figure, i had that long white wool coat…it was the coat i talked about needing to replace in Rope, Shoes, and Sloppy Blow Jobs. Father Figure was the one i was always drawn to.

The lipstick…

The eyes…

The words…

 

But with Maximus, it’s more. Listening in the car on the way home from the movie, i realized it had been prophetic. Maximus is my father figure.
That’s all I wanted, something special — that’s what i/He wanted all this time, something special
Something sacred in your eyes — Maximus will not allow me to lower my gaze like most subs, i have to look at Him
For just one moment, to be bold and naked at your side — Yes, naked
Sometimes I think that you’ll never understand me — there was so much to go through to get here
Maybe this time is forever, say it can’t be — GOT That’s all you wanted, something special
Someone sacred in your life
Just for one moment, to be warm and naked at my side
Sometimes I think that you’ll never understand me
But something tells me together, we’d be happy I will be your father figure — Maximus is 21 years my senior, a father figure to me, something i spoke with Fern, our counselor about.
(Oh, baby)
Put your tiny hand in mine
(I’d love to)
I will be your preacher teacher — He teaches me all the time
(Be your daddy)
Anything you have in mind
(It would make me)

I will be your father figure
(Very happy)
I have had enough of crime
(Please let me)
I will be the one who loves you
Till the end of time

That’s all I wanted
But sometimes love can be mistaken for a crime — BDSM is often mistaken as a crime
That’s all I wanted, just to see my baby’s blue eyes shine — green
This time I think that my lover understands me
If we have faith in each other then we can be strong

I will be your father figure
Put your tiny hand in mine
I will be your preacher teacher
Anything you have in mind

I will be your father figure
I have had enough of crime
I will be the one who loves you
Till the end of time

If you are the desert, I’ll be the sea Some of you know that i am fire and Maximus is water. desert and sea. This is huge.
If you ever hunger, hunger for me
Whatever you ask for, that’s what I’ll be — i am anything and everything He asks.

So when you remember the ones who have lied –– JM and OneGuy lied to us
Who said that they cared — Maximus always talks about how He believed JM was honest and loved Him, but later He discovered it wasn’t true.
But then laughed as you cried
Beautiful darling, don’t think of me

Because all I ever wanted
It’s in your eyes baby, baby
And love can’t lie, no
(Greet me with the eyes of a child)

My love is always telling me so
(Heaven is a kiss and a smile)
Just hold on, hold on
I won’t let you go, my baby

I will be your father figure
Put your tiny hand in mine
I will be your preacher teacher
Anything you have in mind

I will be your father figure
I have had enough of crime
So I am gonna love you
Till the end of time

I will be your father
I will be your preacher
I’ll be your daddy
I will be the one who loves you
Till the end of time

We came home, blasted Father Figure over the speakers and danced in the living room. It is us. It is our song.
i will be forever grateful and in awe.
Categories: BDSM, BDSM relationship, Father Figure | Tags: | Leave a comment

Munch II

Maximus and i went to a different munch last night in our continued search for like-minded people. It was much better than the first munch, in that people were much friendlier, it was better organized, the room had a door and thus felt much more private, and it didn’t feel as judgy. In all, the group dynamics felt better to us.

But it still didn’t seem “just right,” to quote Goldilocks. In discussing it afterward, the Munch format just doesn’t seem to work well for us, so far. In both cases, it’s at a restaurant and people come in at different times and order food, so people are in different stages of eating, which is awkward. And you’re stuck seated at a table, configured in such a way that you are cut-off from the majority of the group, not free to roam about and talk to a bunch of folks. If people near you are not interested in visiting with folks, you’re really stranded on an island; the four people across from us and next to Maximus came together and only wanted to talk to each other. What ends up happening is that we get seated next to people that, for one reason or another, aren’t a good visiting match, and we’re stuck for an entire meal. And after the meal, there isn’t room to wander about to meet people on the other side of the room.

What we would prefer is more of a “Meet and Greet” type of format. Have a room with bar tables, have snacks/appetizers, order drinks, have the introductions and then people can move about the room and visit. This way i don’t feel like i’m interrupting someone’s meal, you’re mobile and can meet lots of people. Then, if you want to have a meal with folks and visit more, you can.

Maybe there are munches like that out there. We’ll keep looking.

Next week we are going to a joint D/s potluck at a private event center. We’re hoping that this might have more of a format that we’re looking for. And, it will be D/s types, so maybe that will be a better fit. There was an M/s couple last night, but they were on the other side of the room and we couldn’t get to them (they did mention in their introduction that they are going to the potluck next week, so we just decided to wait until then to meet them).

All in all, we were more encouraged by this munch and Maximus decided that we were not going to go back to the first munch again. He just really felt uncomfortable with the lack of privacy at that venue due to the room not having a door, and didn’t feel it was right for us. i agree. And this munch was better run.

On another note, we did get an invitation to a dungeon party this weekend from someone from the rope class. Unfortunately we have vanilla company coming Saturday so can’t go. Dangit!! We’re secretly hoping our guests will cancel due to the potential for winter weather!!

Categories: BDSM, BDSM relationship, munch | 2 Comments

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On The Wet Coast

A submissive's journal

A Sexual Being

Where the lines of fantasy and reality blur…

TMI Tuesday blog

A confessional where people come to reveal too much information--sexy secrets, dirty deeds, and more.