Monthly Archives: March 2014

Our Relationship Vision and Values


Developing our relationship vision and values has been our to-do list for months and months. We had some time together last weekend and instead of filling our time up with running errands and random things, we decided to take the time to focus on our vision and values. These are going to be particularly important in the next several months as we have decided to take our relationship to the next level–we are moving in together. i am going to retire early and transition to a new career (job search is actively on!), rent out my house, and move up to Seattle. Plans are for me to apply to graduate school for a professional program related to my current field, but i may forgo that if i find a fantastic dream job prior.

So it’s an exciting time and we have a ton to do. We have been working with an architect and builder to add rooms onto Maximus’ house for my grand piano, storage, and an office for me. And we are getting ready to meet with an attorney to work on establishing a domestic partnership, cohabitation agreement, power of attorney, wills, etc., as well as financial planning. We’ve both had relationships fail in the past and want to go into this with eyes wide open and all angles discussed and agreed upon so we don’t make the same mistakes and assumptions we’ve done in the past.

The first step though, was for us to make sure we have a shared vision of what this looks like and make sure our values are aligned. It’s important that we have something to go to if we start struggling with decisions during this process.

We started brainstorming words that embodied our vision of our relationship. We wrote them all down as they came out of our mouths and then discussed them after we finished the list. Some were combined, some eliminated. Then we wrote them into our vision statement:

A lifelong, harmonious, loving, committed relationship together.

Next we brainstormed values. Again we wrote them all down as they came out of our mouths, discussed, combined, eliminated. Once we had narrowed the list down to a dozen or so values, i wrote these on post-it notes and we prioritized them on the tabletop in order. It was really fascinating to do this and we had great discussions. We were even surprised about how we prioritized some things and learned a lot about each other in the process. Here’s what we came up with:

Our Values

  1. Our Relationship
  2. Family
  3. Financial Stability
  4. Health
  5. Career Professionalism
  6. Lifelong Learning
  7. Organization/Cleanliness/Order
  8. Sexuality
  9. Autonomy
  10. Friendships
  11. Creativity
  12. Fun, Adventure, and Spontaneity
  13. Selflessness/Compassion
  14. Faith

These are our values now, and the order of them now. These can change and that’s perfectly alright. We will revisit them as necessary, adjust as our relationship grows. But what it gives us is a framework and it opened up important conversation that we need to have to guide us while we undergo this big change together.

Categories: communication, relationship, Relationship Vision, Values | Leave a comment

i <3 Maximus

vday roses

We had a wonderful Valentine’s!! It wasn’t a day, it was a week, well, it was 10 days of Valentine’s actually!

It all started on the 13th really, when a dozen red roses and a balloon arrived. Maximus kept asking me all day the 12th whether anything had arrived for me and said UPS tracker said a package had been delivered. After i kept insisting that nothing had arrived and that He needed to contact UPS about a stolen package, He finally realized He had the wrong day (and, He’d made up the UPS tracking thing, He later confessed after my flowers arrived the next day!!). The flowers were gorgeous, but the card….well that was amazing and had me swooning:

you take My breath away…today and every day. I love you more and more each day. XOXOXO Maximus

Maximus drove down Valentine’s while i was working, so He was there when i got home. i changed my clothes, grabbed my overnight bag, and we headed off to Portland for our staycation Valentine’s getaway. We had a gorgeous suite at the downtown Marriott. The love lockfirst thing we did was to open a bottle of champagne and exchange Valentine’s gifts. Maximus had three cards for me, numbered in order of opening, and they were all wonderful. He said He wanted to get something special for me during our weekend to go with it. I then gave Him His presents. i got Him a book, American Whiskey, Bourbon & Rye: A Guide to the Nation’s Favorite Spirit by Clay Risen, so we could learn more about American whiskey and catalog which ones we sample. But His big present was a lock, similar to the one depicted here, inscribed:

Maximus & gabriella


Paris 2013

This was a very meaningful gift, symbolizing the lock we placed on the Passerelle des Arts in Paris last October (see Hot Fucking Mess). And i included both keys…

We then went out and strolled to dinner at Masu Sushi. On the way we came across a men’s underwear store, Under U4 Men, full of the most awesome men’s sexy things!! We didn’t have enough time to do it justice and decided to come back the next day when we had more time. Dinner was fantastic and we had some wonderful drinks before and during. But best of all, we had some wonderful conversation, including, Maximus finally realizing that i had given Him both keys to the lock and what that really, really meant. You see, i’ve had a bad habit of getting upset, fighting with Maximus, and telling Him we were over–firing Him. The last time that happened, Maximus insisted that i promise never to do that again and i had some struggles with that, to the point where Maximus suggested we take an indefinite break from each other. We ended up taking a communication pause and when we’d had some time to calm down, i promised to always work to find solutions to our differences. So giving Him both keys to our lock really was a symbol of my promise to Him. It caught Him so off-guard at dinner that His eyes welled up, something that rarely happens.

The next morning we slept in, a huge luxury for us. Maximus wanted to go to brunch, so we wandered down to the Bijou Cafe. There was a huge winter storm forecasted and it was cold and pouring rain, but we shared a huge umbrella that Maximus was wise-enough to pack. After brunch we decided to wander around to shop. We first went back to Under U4 Men and got all kinds of amazingly sexy undies for Maximus…oooh-la-la! Maximus wanted to go to Victoria’s Secret next for me, but on the way, got distracted by Nordstrom. And i ended up with amazing Valentine’s Day presents! dy vday14

For Christmas, Maximus gave me a beautiful David Yurman chain bracelet, and I adore it. Nordstrom had a huge David Yurman display and Maximus asked me to show Him what things i liked. The saleswomen was awesome, letting me try on item after item. In the end, to my complete and utter shock, Maximus purchased a coordinating ring and necklace for my Valentine’s present!

Then it was off to Victoria’s Secret for lots of wonderful undies for me, which is our Valentine’s tradition.

We stopped for a coffee break and decided that a wonderfully indulgent thing for us to do would be to go to a matinee! We saw Monuments Men, which is just an incredible story, and i recommend it to everyone.

Multnomah Whiskey Library

Multnomah Whiskey Library

i had seen an article in the newspaper about a new whiskey bar in Portland, the Multnomah Whiskey Library, so we went to go check it out. It is a pretty exclusive establishment, with $500 individual memberships (i didn’t realize this), but they do allow some non-member walk-ins if there’s room. We put our name on the list for them to call when space opened up and went off wandering again. The wind was blowing in a gale, dragging Maximus down the sidewalk! We sought refuge in Spartacus, a fantastic sex shop. We ended up getting an adapter for our Hitachi wand that has three projectiles on it, one for the ass, one for the pussy, and one for the clit, to be used as soon as i get off vaginal rest!

We checked back at the Whiskey Library and they ushered us in. The place is amazing inside, dark and lush like an old English library or men’s cigar lounge. We got settled in two overstuffed chairs, which Maximus actually found quite uncomfortable, and just took it all in. There are literally thousandspappys 20 of whiskeys lining the back bar. Maximus studied the menu and decided Pappy Van Winkle’s, 20 year, a fairly rare bourbon, was what we needed, along with a Bullet rye. The Pappy’s was smooth and smelled of vanilla, the Bullet strong and astringent in comparison. We reveled in the moment and just enjoyed the afternoon.

Afterward we literally blew into the Zeus Cafe, a McMenamins Brothers establishment around the corner, soaking wet from a torrential downpour, for dinner. Maximus ordered a tasting flight of three Kentucky Bourbons, Basil Hayden, Knob Creek, and Eagle Rare, while i enjoyed a pear cosmopolitan that the bartender created specially for me!

Originally, we had planned to go out for salsa dancing lessons and a night of dancing afterward, but we were both exhausted, Maximus getting over a five week cold, and decided to have some dinner and call it a snuggle night. Back in the room, i gave Maximus a blow job and asked if He might be interested in trying a 15 minute orgasm on me…which He was overjoyed to do! It was wonderful, i might add!

The next morning Maximus did some nipple torture with clamps and the vacuum tubes. Wow did my left nipple get sore! my nipples are very out of play now with this break and it’s going to take some work to get them back into torture play!

Maximus had never been to Voodoo Donuts or Powell’s Books, two iconic Portland establishments, so our plans were to check those out Sunday. We ended up leaving Voodoo Donuts to another time but checked out Powell’s and then headed home. We were happy and spent!

Maximus spent the next week working from my house, which was so wonderful! Thursday night, after i took an exam for a class i’m taking, we headed back to Portland to hit the Pope House Bourbon Lounge, a place we’ve been to and just love. We enjoyed a great dinner and great drinks. The prices were waaayyy more reasonable than the Multnomah Whiskey Library and had none of the pretension (they even had Pappy’s!).

The next weekend was spent at Maximus’ in Seattle. The first night, i donned the beautiful Michael Kors stiletto boots Maximus gave me for my birthday–i was finally feeling up to stilettos! Maximus paraded me around to the Tory Burch store in Bellevue and then dinner at the fabulous John Howie Steakhouse, where they do indeed have an amazing VEGAN menu! He seemed thrilled to be able to show me off again in heels. Maximus decided to indulge and order another Pappy’s 20 year. Well, to our utter shock and dismay, upon first taste, we immediately noticed a significant difference from the previous sample we’d had at the Multnomah Whiskey Library–the pour we had in Portland had been WATERED DOWN!! It wasn’t just a little bit different, it was HUGELY different! We don’t see ourselves ever going back to the Whiskey Library!

There was a family event i was looking forward to as Maximus’ MOC (Mother of Children) was going to be in attendance and i’d not met her before. Well, it didn’t turn out as great as i expected, as she seemed to be all out of sorts about it, making Maximus feel very uncomfortable. She really didn’t even want to be in the same room as me and made a big to do about hording their adult children from Maximus. i was fine, just surprised by it. We left after an hour or so and went out to the Fireside Lounge at the Willows Lodge for drinks, dinner, and live music.

Sunday i woke up sick with a sore throat. We did some stuff around the house we’d planned on doing, but ended up on the couch in His office to snuggle, 69 with our clothes on! It was a delicious, non-sexual nap. As we laid there, i was reminiscing about that couch, as it was destined to a new home this upcoming week. i recalled sitting on that couch, then a part of a sectional, in His living room the first time i ever came up to see Him, both of us sharing our relationship stories and philosophies, including me sharing about the Ethical Slut i had just read. That discussion led to play and then amazing sex on the office floor. i also remembered fucking Him in the office during divorce mediation hell week, His ass on the leather footstool, back on the couch, me straddle fucking Him, squirting gallons all over Him, the footstool, and the office floor. Well this got me horny and i asked if He might be interested in enjoying eating my pussy, to which He answered, “Hell, Yes!!”

Well, i have to say, it was one of the best oral sessions i have EVER had! What an amazing orgasm…well many! The grand finale, was me fingering my clit with Maximus masterbating above me, spraying His hot cum all over my pussy! It was incred, ible!

It was finally time for me to go home on the train. It was an amazing 10 days with my Maximus!

love balloonThis morning, i awoke to find the balloon from the Valentine’s Day roses had traveled during the night from the downstairs kitchen to my bedroom, hovering next to His side of the bed. It’s just amazing to me, that even when He’s not here, He’s here, and full of surprises. i would’ve been scared by this balloon mysteriously showing up in my bedroom while i slept, but i just know it was a sign from Maximus, that His love carried that balloon to me, to be the first thing i saw when i awoke this morning.

i ❤ Maximus

Categories: BDSM relationship | Leave a comment

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