Monthly Archives: April 2013

Our First Six Months…Oh How We’ve Grown!


i can’t believe it’s been six months already! A couple of weeks ago i pulled up our contract to get ready to review it before Maximus and i were going to be together, which is our ritual, and i noticed that our contract was set to expire April 30th, our six month D/s anniversary. i was so surprised by this! i texted Maximus about it and ended with, “i’d like to continue the contract” and He replied, “So would I.” Whew! And then suggested that we renew our contract on the beach when we are in Hawaii this upcoming week. i am delighted in this!

i went through our contract and made revisions to reflect where we are now. i was surprised to see quite a few areas where we have grown and changed, especially in our BDSM Activities List–things that were hard limits were not hard limits anymore, in fact, many of them were much desired activities now.

Maximus called me from His business trip to go over the revisions and we went through the contract together. He had texted earlier that He had “lots of feedback” on the revisions–yikes! It turned out ok and we had some great discussion about the contract and our relationship, where we started, where we’ve been, what we need to work on.

The first revision we made was to eliminate my termination clause. Okay, okay, i know you just yelled at your computer, “What the hell is she thinking?!?!!!” Remember, our contract, our D/s relationship grew out of our Big R Relationship, is built on love and the principle of GOT. We have a commitment to each other that is beyond this contract, therefore, a clause to end our relationship is contradictory to our commitment. The second revision was to eliminate Maximus’ termination clause. Our commitment to each other is such that we will work through problems and issues and not terminate our relationship. Our contract is always available for revision and should parts of our D/s relationship change, our contract will change to reflect this, but the Relationship will remain intact.

We had quite a bit of discussion about the next clause:

…the submissive is to serve and obey the Dominant in all things. Subject to the agreed terms, limitations, and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above, she shall without query or hesitation offer the Dominant such pleasure as he may require and she shall accept without query or hesitation his training, guidance, and discipline in whatever form it may take.

Maximus asked if that meant if He did not want a conversation to continue or if He wanted me to stop behaving in a certain manner whether He could instruct me to stop…and i said, “Yes, absolutely. You’ve always had that authority, but You’ve rarely used it.” There have been times where He has asked me to stop a direction of discussion that was not fruitful, in the case of disagreements, and there have been times where He has instructed me not to drive home, instructed me to stay, etc. and i’ve always complied. i mentioned it would be helpful for Him to use this clause when i get worried and anxious about relationship issues and want to flee.

Next, we decided to change the term of our contract to 12 months rather than six. We decided on the first six month time limit because this was new and we didn’t know what to expect from it. Now that we know more about ourselves, our relationship, D/s, Power Exchange relationships, we are both comfortable and desire a longer term to our contract. Our intention is to make our Hawaii trip an annual event for us to renew our commitment to and contract with each other.

We laughed at the next revision! Our contract originally stated that time between [being physically together] shall not extend greater than one month’s time. We both laughed because we know that we cannot have more than a couple of weeks between time together without going absolutely crazy, therefore it was not necessary to have that in our contract. This was put into our contract because we’d had a five-week absence from each other in August, before our relationship moved from friendship to committed Relationship, and it was completely unbearable–it really helped us realize our feelings for each other, but we NEVER wanted to go through that long of an absence ever again. Now that it’s impossible for either of us to be apart for that long, it’s not necessary to have in the contract–it’s a given.

The next clause that was removed had to do with travel arrangements. It was very difficult for me to accept Maximus’ desire to pay for my travel expenses, use frequent flyer/guest points, etc. to comp accommodations. i have learned that it gives Him great pleasure to take care of these things. Maximus does not balk when i do special things for Him and i needed to learn not to balk when He does special things for me–and i have. In addition, Maximus has learned to accept that He is with someone who wants to contribute, has the means to contribute, and finds it important to contribute–He’s never had that before in a relationship. We removed language that required discussion of travel expenses and my acceptance of the use of His travel program points–this has been a big step for both of us in our growth and Maximus was very pleased with this.

i was very shocked at the clause that Maximus was most concerned about, something that never bothered Him before in all the times we reviewed our contract:

The Dominant accepts the submissive as his, to own, control, dominate, and discipline during the Term. The Dominant may use the submissive’s body at any time during the Allotted Times or any agreed additional times in any manner he deems fit, sexually or otherwise.

He noted that He was very shocked that this was in our contract, that i would give such power to Him. Wow! This totally blew me away! To me, this is the basis of a D/s relationship and to remove this was to remove the very foundation of our Total Power Exchange. He was very concerned that it gave Him too much power and requested that i remove it. He was not concerned that He would abuse His power, but that He was surprised that someone would so willingly put themselves at risk for abuse of power. i explained to Him that yes, it did give Him complete power and that i gave it to Him out of complete and absolute trust. i trusted that He would use this power responsibly and not abuse it, and that was my ultimate gift to Him. He agreed to leave this in our contract after our discussion and my explanation. It was very interesting to me that this clause triggered Him so–i never would have expected that after these past six months of operating within these parameters of our existing contract. i very much appreciated His concern and candor about something so fundamental to our relationship. It was very worthy of discussion and really reinforced my commitment to our power exchange relationship

Our next discussion was about our communication rules. We both freely admit that we need to do better in this area and follow the terms of our contract that were written specifically to aid in conflict resolution. Our contract reads, in part:

Both parties agree to work through disagreements rather than dissolve this agreement. Disputes or disagreements shall begin and end with the spoken words, “I/i love Y/you.” The Dominant and the submissive agree not to yell at any time during disputes or disagreements. Safewords may be used to communicate frustration level to the other party. Either party may request a break from discussions in order to avoid pushing frustration levels to a point of yelling; this break will not be indefinite, but have specific time parameters indicating when discussions shall proceed again. It is also understood that at times, circumstances of life and work may not allow for immediate discussion. In these cases, the parties will set a specific time to have focused discussion with each other, free of distractions and allowing for private communication.

If communication fails completely, both parties can take the discussion “To The Locker Room.” The Dominant and the submissive agree that this should be the last alternative and only to be used in the rarest of occasions, if at all.

Unfortunately, while we have all this beautiful language, we have occasionally raised our voices and yelled, failed to begin and end with I/i love Y/you, failed to cue each other with safewords to indicate frustration levels, and have held heated arguments on the court rather than taking it to the Locker Room. Honestly, it was a relief to hear Maximus say that He too had failed to observe our contractual agreements in this area, as i have been feeling very guilty about my communication failures. We have promised each other to be more cognizant of this and to follow our contract in order to keep our communication respectful and productive, the way it has intended to work.

Finally came the fun stuff–my BDSM Activities List! We laughed and giggled throughout this section as our boundaries have so clearly moved outward this past six months. Our level of trust has increased exponentially, allowing us both to share our deepest, darkest secret desires and experience things we only dreamed of but never shared with anyone before. And with this sharing of desires, we have been able to make many of these dreams come true. We have no fear in sharing our desires, and this is a wonderful, wonderful thing. And it’s not because of the BDSM Activities List that this came about, it’s because of the frank discussions we’ve had in building our Relationship, developing our contract, communicating, and learning about ourselves and each other. Its through building of ultimate trust.

So our contract has been agreed upon and is ready for us to sign. We will be taking this with us to Hawaii and share our own personal commitment ceremony together on the beach to renew our contract and bond. Maximus has made some requests for things to be included in this ceremony and i have asked to re-present His ring to Him as part of my commitment to Him. i am just in awe of this extraordinary thing we have.


Categories: BDSM contract, BDSM list, BDSM relationship, communication, D/s, Dom/sub, lifestyle, Living M/s, M/s, relationship, submissive | 1 Comment

Age is Just a Number

bday candles

Last week was Maximus’ birthday. i’ve not blogged about this before, as i didn’t think it was an issue, and i still don’t, but i’ve never mentioned that my Dom, my love, my Maximus is 21-1/2 years older than me. i am 41 and He is now 63. i have no problem with this, and neither does He, but this new age must have triggered something in Maximus as He brought it up and asked me to blog about it.

i understand i am biased, but Maximus does NOT look or act His age. i don’t believe any of our friends would guess that He was more than 55 based on His body, His health, His stamina, His sexual prowess, His youthful attitude, etc. i’ve never, ever felt an age difference between us, even when we were just friends, and certainly not now. Maximus is certainly the sexiest man i’ve ever had, with an amazing fit body. Although He often says, “it takes a village” to wear me out sexually, i don’t feel that way. Our sexual encounters, whether just the two of us alone or in a group, have more stamina than most twenty year olds. People talk about how perfectly matched we are in this regard and often marvel about our endurance.

meetsoonerThe only thing that ever crosses my mind is the reality that some day 21-1/2 years will make me 88 and Him 110. We both have longevity in our families, but odds are we will not be 110 and 132, and this makes me sad. i don’t like to talk about this. It’s not that i don’t want to take care of Him then, i absolutely do, i just don’t want to think about being without Him. We both know that we had to travel our paths, have our experiences in order to come together in our lives, i just wish it had been sooner so we had even more time to GOT, Grow Old Together.

i know this crosses His mind as well. i think He worries about sexual performance in addition, and this NEVER even crosses my mind. Our relationship is so much more than sexual. But i understand that He is a man and men worry about this. This has been on Maximus’ mind a lot recently as He had His annual PSA test, something that brings some anxiety for Him given He’s had some scares with previous test results that required painful biopsies in order to determine he was cancer-free. Maximus has expressed fear of sexual dysfunction with prostate cancer treatment, should He ever have prostate cancer.

i love Maximus. i feel so lucky to have Him in my life, albeit later in our lives than we would like. But, we wouldn’t have worked earlier, for we had things to learn in order to be ready for each other. And anyway, He’s not 110 for another 47 years, so really, i have another lifetime with Him. And i love that!


Note Maximus left in my bed last week

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A Night at the Beach

night beach

After our swim and hot tub, dinner prep began–and a new couple arrived, one we had never met before, Kilt and Rhodie. Our hosts, Slim and Marilyn, had been with them before and really enjoyed them and both told me, “she’s JUST like you, gabriella!” i wasn’t sure what that meant. They also shared that Kilt was very well-endowed, the biggest of the group, which was shocking since several other of our group have very large cocks.

Being the gregarious people we are, Maximus and i made sure to introduce ourselves and visit with Kilt and Rhodie to make them feel at ease. Well, actually, they walked into the house just as Maximus and i were having a stripping race in the living room, as we always seem to have a contest to see who would be naked first (i won, of course!…but i’m starting to think He might be letting me win after all), so i’m sure we were a little shocking to them, but we were having loads of fun with it and laughing. Maximus then tied up my breasts to display His handiwork and entice the other women there to allow Him to tie them up as well. i helped Maximus tie up Indygo’s breasts and Kilt and Rhodie seemed to be very interested in our rope work.

Dinner was great, loads of fun. i stood up on my chair and made a toast to Friends, old and new, and we enjoyed our meal, talking, laughing, telling stories, etc. The group was very well matched. When we were done, the lights dimmed, candles were lit, Liberator blankets spread out onto the living room floor, and the games began! Maximus started with Rhodie, and i with Kilt.

Kilt is indeed very well endowed! He is just under the girth of a soda can but not too terribly long. i spent time giving him a blow job, enjoying him, and then moving on to riding him. He got very excited when he discovered my hood piercing as he’d never played with anyone with a piercing before, and spent a lot of time experimenting with oral on my clit. Maximus started with Rhodie and wow, i finally understood what Slim and Marilyn meant, Rhodie is as extremely sexually adventurous and and as loud as me! She and Maximus thoroughly enjoyed each other and Kilt truly loved watching them while i was blowing him. She made the error of telling Maximus that she only squirted in one position–so He set out to prove her wrong, which He did!

Maximus later moved to Indygo, who was laying on the couch on her back. Maximus was on His knees beside her, licking her pussy. i crawled over behind Maximus and started playing with His balls. Then i lubed up my fingers, entered His ass and began to massage His prostate. His cock stiffened in my hand and i stroked Him and almost got Him to come. We moved onto the floor and His started to fuck me. Rhodie came over to watch and Maximus directed her to fuck my pussy with His cock, which she did. Kilt came over and started to play with us and we ended up all four fucking. At one point, Maximus was kneeling while Rhodie hungrily gobbled His cock while He fingered me–Slim and Marilyn were walking past on their way to bed with Marilyn mouthing, “OMG that’s so hot!” to Him.

Rhodie and Kilt then started to fuck. i grabbed the two Hitachi wands and began to pleasure myself. i had been experimenting with the wands the past couple of weeks and, per Maximus’ request, have worked into being about to insert the large Hitachi bulb end completely into my pussy, which is amazing! i had not had a chance to show Maximus this other than by text photos, so i was excited to show Him. i had Maximus insert the Hitachi into me and it slid easily in, and then had Him rub the other Hitachi over my clit. OMG! i came over and over and over and over in waves. Maximus even inserted four fingers of His hand into my pussy with the Hitachi inside me and stimulated my G spot. i pulled out the Hitachi and Maximus directed Rhodie to fist me, and her entire fist went up to her wrist! He fingered my ass while she fisted me.

i needed a break after that! After a short rest, i looked at Maximus and gave Him a look that i was going to go get some toys. i came out with my strap-on with the double-ended dildo, a thick 16-inch long double-ended straight dildo we affectionately call The Mom, and a blindfold. Maximus saw my goodies and said, “Let’s blindfold Rhodie!” She squealed in delight as Indygo simultaneously rebuffed, “you shouldn’t do that, she might not want that.” Rhodie replied, “Oh no, I’d love to be blindfolded and oh! Look at that, do me, do me!”

Maximus blindfolded Rhodie and i put on the strap-on harness, inserting the shorter end into my pussy. i had condoms on both ends, lubed the large end and mounted her doggie-style. Oh, fuck me, fuck me!” she cried out, “Fuck me harder!” i pounded her. Kilt braced her while i fucked her. i then moved onto my back and she rode me, squirted all down the dildo, soaking the harness. At some point her blindfold came off, i think she really wanted to watch what was happening. We moved to The Mom, Maximus and Kilt taking turns fucking us simultaneously with it. Rhodie mentioned wanting to try the Hitachi since she’d not used one before. i took the Hitachi and put it on her clit, resting the handle on her stomach while she laid on her back, and then laid on top of her, pressing the bulb into my clit. We shared amazing orgasms together!

Spent, Maximus, Rhodie, and i laid down on the floor together and visited. Rhodie shared that she had crossed two things off of her sexual bucket list that night (being fucked with a strap-on and using a Hitachi) and another that hadn’t even been on her list (fisting a woman)! After a while i began to stroke Maximus’ cock and He asked that she and i give Him a two-girl blowjob. Rhodie called out, “Oh I get His balls!”  i straddled His face, putting my clit in His mouth and began to 69 Him while she sucked His balls. We simultaneously licked His cock, made out, deep-throated Him, and then i noticed that she was rimming Him. Maximus started calling out, “OK, OK, that’s good, I’m done,” and tapping my hip to tap out. Well, i was not ready for Him to be done; i really wanted Him to come. And boy did He ever come! He screamed and quaked, grabbed blankets, pounded His fists on the floor–it was fantastic and i was soooo happy!

It was getting late and the four of us were the only ones left, so we all went to our respective bedrooms. Maximus and i laid down and shared stories and giggled. i was so aroused though, my clit throbbing. i started rubbing my nub while He talked and then told Him i still had an orgasm trapped. He started licking my pussy while i rubbed myself and had one of the most intense orgasms i’ve had in a long time–i broke into sobs, just overcome with emotions. Maximus held me and stroked me in aftercare.

We arose in the morning to find SubR in the kitchen with Slim who was making breakfast for the group. Maximus pulled me aside and instructed me to take SubR into our bedroom, tie him up, and then spank him to leave red marks on his ass. i loved this directive! i grabbed SubR’s hand and asked him to come with me into the bedroom. i told him what i had been instructed to do. i ordered him to strip naked and then tied a body harness on him, starting first with a hitch around his scrotum. i had grabbed a plastic spatula from the kitchen, so i pushed him down face-first on the bed and began to spank him with the spatula. He started to mock me so i pulled my panties off and shoved them into his mouth to quiet him, instructing him that he was not to talk, other than count the strikes. i gave him five spanks on each ass cheek, rubbed his reddened skin, and helped him up. SubR had a humongous smile on his face. He started to talk and i said, “you’re welcome!” to which he immediately apologized and thank me. i told him he had someone else to thank, marched him into the kitchen to Maximus and said, “What do you say?” and he nodded to Maximus “Thank you, Sir!”  Maximus was very, very pleased. After He was done praising my ropework i returned SubR to the bedroom and removed the harness. SubR was ecstatic.

Now, we hadn’t negotiated with SubR about this at all, had not communicated boundaries, limits, or safewords, only had the wishes that he had shared with us. i was very careful with him, checked in with him often through this scene. It was meant to be a little surprise taste of kink in response to him sharing a fantasy with us. If we were ever going to do this again with him or anyone else, i will make sure that we, Maximus and i and the third party, talk and negotiate prior to play.

We swapped contact info with Kilt and Rhodie the next morning and stood in the driveway for almost an hour just chatting. We had a great connection with them. Maximus and i decided to take our time going home and drove up Highway 101 instead of heading east back to Interstate 5. On the way, Maximus recounted the blow job i’d done with Rhodie and said, “You wouldn’t stop even when I called the safeword, Red!” i was horrified! i never heard Him call Red. i apologized and swore to Him that i never heard Him call out Red, only “OK, OK, that’s good, I’m done.” He thought about it and realized that He hadn’t called Red after all, just thought it in His mind. i was nauseated thinking i had failed to recognize a safe word and disrespected that. A good lesson for both of us–say it when you need it, repeat it if you say it and play doesn’t stop, and “that’s good, I’m done” does not represent a safeword, unless we specify it as such. It turns out that it wasn’t that Maximus needed play to stop, He was trying to conserve this orgasm to do some more play. But, after the amazing orgasm He got from it, He really wasn’t upset at all that we took Him to climax.

Later at lunch, Maximus and i recounted the weekend at the beach, and He shared just how hot He thought the scene i did with SubR was. It was great to manage our D/s when adding a third person, me maintaining my submissive nature by completing dominant tasks given to me by Maximus. We have talked a bit in the past about how intrigued we are by the thought of having a shared slave, someone who could help me around the house, perhaps drive me back and forth between Maximus’ home and mine, chauffeur Him to and from the airport for business trips, and serve us sexually as well. Maximus envisions a female, i envision a male–which would mean it would be a service and sexual slave for me but only a service slave for Him. While SubR would be perfect due to the trust we have built in our friendship over the years (we are both concerned about bringing in unknown strangers into our homes), the relationship issues he and Indygo are having make him a poor candidate. If, however, down the road if they do split (which we are under the suspicion will occur), given time, SubR would be an excellent candidate for me. The prospect of having a service/sex slave is very appealing and knowing we can manage our D/s relationship with it makes it seem like a future possibility. We will see.

We got home and crashed! Such a fantastic weekend, so much more than we expected. We were too spent to head to the Convention Center for the last Dungeon Party of Kinkfest, but we were so satiated that never of us minded that. We got so much out of the first night and even just one workshop that it was worth every penny. And, we were able to spend two glorious days at the beach with old and new friends.

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The Day After


Maximus and i decided we would sleep in the next morning. We didn’t get in until late and we had a lot to process (plus we played together when we got home–duh!). We usually wake up very early by other people’s standards so our 8AM wake up was a wonderful luxury. It was a beautiful sunny morning, forecast to be in the upper 70s, which is unheard of in March in Portland, and mirrored our current state.

As we were gettiIMG_4403gogng ready to head to the gym for our daily workout, i noticed something wonderful–amazing body marks from the suspension AND from clothespins Maximus had used on me. i found these so erotic and could hardly stop looking at them! In fact, as i did my 30 minute spin-up before spin class, i found myself bringing up the picture over and over on my phone and checking it out again!

Maximus took us out for coffees after our workouts and we giggled and talked about Kinkfest, what we wanted our day to hold. The weather was so absolutely beautiful out that we decided to change our plans a bit. Maximus had gotten so much out of Stefanos and Shay’s class that He really didn’t mind missing some classes today–He felt He’d gotten His money’s worth. He really wanted to bask in this afterglow of the class and the dungeon party, spend time together wandering through fun areas of Portland, and then head to the Convention Center at our leisure, go out to dinner, and then return for the party that night. That sounded great to me.

We had just returned home and i was contemplating what to wear (i was looking for the perfect sundress that would offer a peekaboo view of my rope marks) when i started getting texts from our friends at the beach.

Missing you. Wish you were here. What happened? I thought you were going to be here.

i explained to MoSweetGrass about the exes friends.

Oh shit. I’m sorry. You are WAY more fun!! Funny–my gut response was I didn’t really care for him. Now it makes sense. We need to get together.

Oh, did i have a sense of smug satisfaction!! My exes friends suck!

We texted a bit back and forth and then suddenly…

So they are leaving now. I think we scared them off! You guys should come down. It is beautiful!

Our other friends, Slim and Marilyn, who were hosting the party then texted us to please come to the beach. Maximus and i just looked at each other knowingly and said simultaneously, “We’re going to the beach!”

Wunderbar! texted back Slim.

We started a mad dash of packing, preparing the house to be gone overnight, snack, fuel for the car, a couple of errands that could not be put off, and then we oceanrompwere off to the beach. It was nearly 80 degrees out, not a cloud in the sky. We were at the beach four hours later, meeting two other couples at a pub in Lincoln City, Oregon before heading to the house. It was so wonderful!

The first thing we did? Maximus and i donned our swim suits (He in His Speedo, yes boys and girls, He ROCKS a Speedo, and i in my itty bitty red bikini) and joined our friend SubR for a romp in the Pacific Ocean! And boy was it cooooooooold! The current was strong and there was a sudden drop-off right off shore, so i held onto SubR to keep from being swept away into the sea. Maximus stood on the beach and observed us for a while, contemplating His attack, and then He bolted into the sea and swam, being the champion open water swimmer He is. But the cold water spit Him out very quickly!

On our way down to the ocean, Maximus, SubR and i were talking about BDSM as i had shown off my rope marks to our group and explained that i’d been suspended at Kinkfest. We have not shared a lot about our kink lifestyle with our swinging friends, and what we have shared, i.e. wearing of my fox tail butt plug to a previous play party, seemed to disturb them. But, what we discovered when i shared about my suspension was that the group seemed to be intrigued by the idea. SubR opened right up on our walk and shared that he really wanted to be dominated physically and sexually and desired being left with marks and bruises from those encounters. He was concerned that it wasn’t socially acceptable for a man to be dominated and we made sure to support his desire. Maximus and i smiled at each other, pleased that SubR opened up to us…He squeezed my hand and whispered, “Oh, we will have fun with this, baby.”

Maximus and SubR went into the hot tub when we returned to the house, but it was much too hot for me at 105 degrees so i went back inside. And, i really wanted Maximus to talk to SubR, not only about what he had shared on the beach, but about a concern we have had about the relationship between SubR and his wife, Indygo. We met SubR and Indygo about two years ago at M&S’ parties when they were brand new into swinging. They were both painfully shy about swinging and had a “no penetration” or soft swap rule, which was perfectly fine. As time went on, Indygo seemed to be moving faster into swinging than SubR, moving quickly toward penetration and being more outgoing whereas SubR was meek and self-deprecating, several times apologizing to me during our play for having a small penis (which it was not) and then losing his erection. This made it frustrating for me to play with SubR.

i began to notice several months ago that Indygo seemed to be attaching herself to MoSweetGrass’ husband, MCTC. In fact, the two couples began spending a lot of time together and even traveled a bit. This gravitation toward MCTC worried me because it appeared to be more than the typical swinger friendship. MoSweetGrass is one of my best friends and i was picking up signs from her that she was becoming increasingly unhappy and she and MCTC were having marital struggles. It was difficult to bring up this topic of conversation and when i tried, MoSweetGrass immediately switched to something else. i shared my concerns with Maximus and we both noted that Indygo and MCTC only played with each other at the parties and completely alienated themselves from their spouses and separating themselves from the group. MCTC eventually had penetrative sex with Indygo, something he shared with me when we had lunch during this time, and that he was the one to break her swinging cherry. By December, the relationship between MCTC and Indygo was obvious and the rift between them and their respective spouses was palpable and horribly awkward for Maximus and me to watch. MoSweetGrass had also pulled away and i was beside myself with grief for her but unable to regain our connection.

At New Years, MCTC and MoSweetGrass were transformed, strongly together, MoSweetGrass was absolutely glowing and alive! Indygo and SubR were noticeably absent. i knew something had happened, but unsure what. What i did know, from my relationship with MCTC And MoSweetGrass, was that they were back and strong.

In February, i saw that Indygo and SubR’s profile on a swingers site had changed. All of Indygo’s attributes were changed to “prefer not to say” and the text read:

I am a happily married man and am not looking for a marriage substitute, per se. My wife and I have opened our relationship to others, and we’ve had a lot of fun along the way! We began this journey as strictly couple on couple, but have since slowly expanded our horizons to seek fulfillment as individuals as well.

i contacted Maximus immediately and we decided to take a wide berth with them but keep our eyes wide open. i was very concerned that being seemingly on the outs with MCTC and MoSweetGrass, Indygo might set her sights on others in our group. In addition, SubR had taken on texting me the days after any event we’d been at, whether we’d played together or not, to tell me how beautiful i was and how much he wanted to be with me again. We were very concerned that we might get wrapped up into something we absolutely did not want to be involved with at all.

Maximus returned from the hot tub and embraced me passionately in the middle of the living room, whispering, “Come into the bedroom with me, I have to talk to you now!” i followed Him, hand-in-hand, into our room and He shut the door behind us. “Oh, it’s so bad!” He continued. It turns out that Indygo and SubR met another couple and Indygo is in love with the husband, BigT; SubR is not attracted to BigT’s wife. Indygo spends all her off time with the other couple, sleeps in their bed with them, talks to him constantly, and SubR is alone. They recently took a Caribbean cruise and had two adjoining suites–Indygo slept in the other couple’s bed the entire time and not once with SubR. Maximus tried to talk to SubR about the demise of His relationship with JB, which has complete parallels to SubR and Indygo. SubR wants to be monogamous but Indygo wants to be poly. He seems resigned to let her do this despite his feelings. It was horribly frustrating to Maximus to hear this and watch the same train wreck with His eyes wide open and be helpless.

Before dinner, Maximus approached Indygo and asked, “So, tell me about your boyfriend, BigT.” He said she lit up and she answered, “I love him.” She shared that BigT was dominant with her and making her walk around with too small BenWa balls that fell out when she walked around, humiliating her. She described a Dominant/brat relationship. Indygo then asked Maximus about our relationship and He told her that we were emotionally monogamous while we had occasional individual play dates. Maximus said that she looked at Him quizzacally and questioned, “Emotionally monogamous? What does that mean?” and He answered “I can only love one person.” He said she looked lost and meek when He said that, as if she was internally questioning her own polyamory decision. She was no longer interested in talking to Maximus at this point.

i was out on the balcony with SubR watching the sunset in his melancholy. i did not engage him into conversation about their relationship. We did talk more about his submissive desires though.

SubR and Indygo did not interact at all during the time at the beach. She spent time alone on the couch texting. The next morning she slept in while the rest of us got up, had breakfast, and worked on cleaning up the house so we could all leave for home. She eventually came up and sat on the couch, looking sullen, and one of the other wives that didn’t know her well said, “Oh, she so doesn’t want to be here. That’s an Oh I wish I were home look.” i realized that she had been downstairs talking to BigT the whole time and really did not want to be here any longer.

Categories: BDSM relationship, polyamory | Leave a comment

The Imperfect Dominants’ Charter

The Imperfect Dominants’ Charter

•I will fuck up, more than once. On at least one of those occasions, you will suffer because of it.
•I will not always be good enough, or strong enough, or wise enough.
•I won’t treat you as you deserve to be treated all the time. I will have bad days and that will affect how I am with you.
•I will give in to my emotions sometimes, and you will see me in a light that you may not want to as a result.
•Sometimes, the dynamic that we have worked so hard to create will be the last thing on Earth I want to think about.
•I will misread you, and misunderstand you.
•I won’t always know what you are feeling, even if you tell me. My responses to that will be incorrect, and will make things worse.
•My life will get in the way of our relationship, and what we want from each other. I will not always handle this as well as I could.
•I will depend on you, and I will need you to guide me sometimes.
•I will ask you to make decisions when you want me to make them, because I am not able to do so at that time.
•I will not always give you as much attention as you need. And I won’t realise that I have done this.
•I will lose my patience with you sometimes.
•I will not always be able to give you what you want, now or in the future.
•I will suffer from jealousy and insecurity. And you will suffer from my jealousy and insecurity in turn.
•I will not always deserve you, nor understand what you see in me.
•Just as you crave my attention, sometimes I will crave for you to leave me alone.
•I will not always communicate with you as well as I should. I will want to keep things to myself that I shouldn’t, and some of the things I do share with you, I will do so in an unhelpful way.
•There will be times when I am happy when you aren’t, and resent that you don’t match my mood. There will be times when I am unhappy when you aren’t, and resent that you don’t match my mood.
•I will feel guilty about what you give me, and inadequate about what I give to you.
•I won’t always like you, nor you always like me.
•We will argue and disagree, and we won’t always handle this like adults.
•I will forget things, important things that matter to you, and will need to be reminded of them.
•I will struggle with my own rules.
•I will sometimes be unable to take control of myself, let alone another.
•I will sometimes resent the responsibility our relationship places on me.

But most importantly:
•I will accept that while neither of us want any of the above to happen, sooner or later it will. And while I will always be at my best when trying to be the perfect Dominant, I will get closest to that by accepting that I am not.

Taken from a post on Fetlife by x_Cleric_x
Categories: BDSM relationship, communication, D/s, FetLife | Leave a comment

Being Kinky


Maximus and i went to our first BDSM convention this weekend, Kinkfest, in Portland, Oregon. It was held in the Oregon Convention Center, so quite a large affair. Being our first event, we weren’t quite sure what to expect, but there were several threads on FetLife that offered helpful guidelines for newbies and we really appreciated that.

Armed with our two backpacks that held a change of clothes and shoes for me, toiletries, makeup, collar and cuffs, Liberator blanket, lube, condoms, wet wipes, etc, we headed into town for the extravaganza. We had a little bit of time before the first class we wanted to attend so we wandered through the vendor area. There were amazing things to see at the vendor area. Maximus found a very, very, very stingy flogger that was a piece of diamond-plate designed rubber doubled over like a folded belt. He struck it against the palm of His hand and cried out, shaking His hand–His palm became instantly red and raised. He tried it against the palm of my hand, with a slighter hit and i had the same response. He had me turn to use it on my bottom and i asked Him to do it gently as this flogger was so aggressive–wow! The vendor said it was a very popular item. We considered it and then decided against it only for the reason that in the wrong hands it could inflict some very serious damage and hurt someone (probably me) very badly. i tried on a leather corset, that i loved, but Maximus didn’t fall in love with. i have been losing size due to my aggressive endurance training schedule, needed a smaller size than we expected, and Maximus was afraid to buy something that wasn’t going to fit me in a couple of weeks. And, He did not feel the corset supported my breasts in a pleasingly-enough manner.

We then went to Bind without Twine: Bondage ad Libitum by Shay and Stefanos.

They started their presentation with an edge play scene, where Stefanos held Shay at knifepoint, cut her clothes and stockings and used the remnants to bind her to a massage table on the presentation stage. It was really interesting to watch, and a little scary as i’m not accustomed to knife play. They had such a great connection together and really had fun with each other during the presentation. She is a brat and the interplay is fun to watch. She also meows as Stefanos plays with her and her meows change to indicate how she is feeling about what is happening so He has a guide. She also checks in with Him with an occasional, “Hi!”

The bulk of their presentation was on how to use found objects, other than rope, for restraints. They taught how to use neckties, pantyhose, scarves, pillowcases, and T-shirts to bind someone. They brought ties and pantyhose for everyone to practice the ties–it was a blast! Maximus was psyched to learn these techniques, especially after our playtime the night before. We had hoped to take some pictures of the things we learned to include in this blog, but we ran out of time. i will do another post just on the things we learned from Stefanos and Shay.

This was the last workshop session before the opening ceremonies and dungeon party that night, so we left to have dinner. As we were walking out to the parking garage, Maximus received an email from His attorney that was a forwarded letter from JB’s attorney demanding another $45K for undefined” tax losses.” He was stunned! He literally stopped in His tracks in front of the exit door and i had to drag Him aside so people could exit the elevator lobby. i offered to head home instead of going out to dinner and back to the dungeon party, but Maximus wanted to continue our evening. He was rocked and clouded though, i could tell.

He started to recover during drinks and dinner. We talked about the letter and about an email reply He’d received from JB that morning that had ended so uncharacteristically nice with a “Hope you are doing well” conclusion. At the time, He had thought they had turned a corner and she was becoming nice and i was concerned it was sarcastic–unfortunately i was right, as she knew this letter was coming from her attorney later today.

Right before dinner arrived, Maximus got a text and as He went to read it, we saw it was from Ms. W and as we were seated side-by-side at the bar, He immediately turned the phone away so i could not see it. “You’re being opaque,” i reminded Him, “turning the phone away from me when You get a text from Ms. W.” He apologized and shared the text which said she and Covert Ops were going to be signing their final divorce paperwork early next week and would be finished. This helped paint the complete picture of what was happening with JB, why she needed more money.

Maximus and i needed to talk about why He again behaved in the manner He did when He received the text. He said that He instinctively did it to protect Himself from me becoming upset from Him hearing from her as i had before. i reminded Him that was over four months ago and His being opaque and turning away from me when He got texts from her did nothing to help me feel comfortable. He agreed and asked me to be patient about it–i reminded Him that i have been and that i needed Him to work on not being afraid as i have worked on my issue. He agreed.

During dinner, Maximus shared conversations He’d had with The Englishman this past week while he was staying at His house. Maximus shared with The Englishman that i had broken up with Him briefly and what had precipitated it. The Englishman responded, “she doesn’t trust men.” Maximus agreed with that statement, saying that my past relationships had made me wary.

This conversation led to Maximus sharing His feelings about us, about the significance of the ring, and how He could get me to believe in GOT and not doubt the permanence of His feelings. i shared with Him that because i am not fully disclosed in His life, as in His family and closest friends not knowing about me, it makes it very difficult for me to fully embrace it as i have shared Him fully in my life. He said He understood that and then cryptically added, “I have something planned soon. It’s a surprise.” i didn’t pry as obviously He didn’t want me to with how He mentioned it. i do hope, however, that He does fill me in somewhat before this surprise happens. i suspect that it may have something to do with plans for His birthday, perhaps meeting His kids, and i’d like to have some notice so i am not caught completely off-guard.

Dinner was wonderful. The discussions were great and we were like two kids in love walking back to the car, talking about our future and His desire to spoil me rotten. i’m getting better about this and have shared with Him that i am ready to accept that now.

We returned to the Convention Center and saw that the opening ceremonies were still going on in the Dungeon. Maximus went into the dungeon and i went into the restroom and changed into my evening dress. He had placed my collar on me before i left to change. When i returned, i had attached the leash to my collar and was walking myself back to Him holding the leather handle.

On stage was a burlesque-style show with women doing acrobatics in hoops suspended from the ceiling. Then, suddenly, lights illuminated the center of the dungeon, highlighting a huge mobile display hanging from the ceiling with people in different types of suspension! The apparatus spun, showing a woman and a transvestite dancing inside a suspended cage; a man completely wrapped in plastic wrap up to his neck, blindfolded, and encapsulated inside of hanging Iron Maiden; two women suspended horizontally, spanking each other; and a man suspended solo. It was amazing! Eventually they lowered the mobile and the dungeon party began!

The dungeon was humongous! There was every type of apparatus you could imagine, or not imagine! Stockades, barrels, pommel horses, X crosses, benches, A Frames, Monkey bars, kneeling benches, Iron Maidens, etc. There were metal stage riggings with eyes for suspension. There was a whole line of medical exam tables with overhead lighting for medical play. Barber chairs, a wrestling take-down area, a whip corridor, a stable for pony play. It was dark and loud dungeon-appropriate music blared (a lot of Depeche Mode, my favorite!!). i was very glad Maximus had a hold of my leash as we walked around the dungeon as it kept us together in this large, crowded space.

We watched several scenes, most of which had to do with flogging, spanking, and beating. There was a lot of man-on-man beating, one of which was very brutal and the recipient was very black and blue bruised. Every type of kink seemed to be represented here. It was a sensory overload! We even saw the most beautiful Palomino pony i’ve ever seen, an approximately 5-foot tall, 90-pound woman dressed head-to-tail in a pony suit, hoof shoes, full bridle, being led around the dungeon by her master and later staged in the stables.

About an hour or so into the party, i saw friends i knew! Years ago i met a triad at M&S’s party–it was the first triad i’d ever encountered and really didn’t understand polyamory at that time (it did lead me to investigate it after i met them). i first saw the female, PantherKat and then realized that the two cross-dressed men with her were her husband and boyfriend (D and DL)–i never knew they were in this kink! She had a wig on and was shocked that i recognized her and them, but was absolutely thrilled to see me. i had connected with her boyfriend years ago and Maximus and i saw them a year ago at a swing club in Seattle. We talked and talked and shared about our kink. It was great to have friends there.

Later on, we saw the triad again, as PantherKat was being tied for suspension at one of the rigging frames. We talked with D and DL about how they knew the suspension artist and whether he would be interested in talking about suspending me, as i’ve always wanted to do that. When PantherKat was done, we approached him and he agreed to chat later. As it turned out, he decided to go ahead and suspend me then, which surprised me as i figured he’d need a break. Maximus asked if he would incorporate breast bondage in the suspension if he could as He wanted to see how someone else would bind my breasts.

i was suspended horizontally and it was spectacular! i thoroughly enjoyed the process, found it very relaxing. When first lifted off the ground, there was a lot of pressure from the ropes at my hips, but i breathed through it and it was released once my feet were elevated. The suspension artist swung me back and forth, then around, and i loved it–eyes open and closed, in a state of Zen. He started brushing his fingers over my nipples and they were extremely sensitive, causing me to orgasm with the gentlest touch. He motioned Maximus over and they took turns increasing the pressure on my nipples and then Maximus fingered my clit and pussy. i was in heaven! Maximus held me from behind to support me as i was untied. i was surprised to need aftercare from the suspension and play. It was the highlight of my night! Unfortunately there is no photography allowed, other than dungeon-certified photographers, which we could not track down when i was suspended, so we don’t have any pictures.

We watched more, including Shay who had been suspended by Stefanos in a web that she could articulate as if she were a marionette. We developed our game plan for the dungeon party the next night, that we would pack a small rolling suitcase with our toys for a scene that Maximus would develop.

What was really interesting was that there was very little sex happening. Most of the scenes were about control and bondage, impact play, not sexual intercourse. And, there were very little multiple player scenes. What we realized was that the dungeon was a place where couples could play out scenes with equipment they did not or could not possess at home, large apparatus, suspension frames, exam tables, etc. This was definitely not a swinger environment. It was amazing, though, and we were looking forward to Maximus’ scene(s) the next day.

We returned home completely satisfied and electrified!

Categories: BDSM, BDSM dungeon, Dungeon Party, Kinkfest, Rope suspension, Stefanos and Shay | 4 Comments

Milking It


What a weekend!! i will be breaking this into several posts because there is just so much to share!

Our original weekend plans were to go to the beach with a bunch of swinging lifestyle friends for a few days and then go to Kinkfest in Portland. Plans changed, however, when we discovered my exes best fuck friends were going to be at the beach party (none of us had realized the relationship this couple had with my ex until the week of the party). So Plan B was just to spend time together and go to Kinkfest–not a bad Plan B at all!

The night before He came down, Maximus directed that on His arrival, i be wearing an old oversized T-shirt and old panties that could be ripped. i put on an old long-sleeved T-shirt and pink lace cheekie boy shorts and took a nap on my furry white rug in front of my fireplace in my bedroom. Maximus let Himself in, found me sleeping, flipped me over and ripped my T-shirt to expose my breasts. my panties were shredded in His fingers. It was spectacular! He fucked me hard between the shreds of clothing, right there on the rug.

Maximus had also requested that i clean my ass out well. He has an ass fetish and has been fantasizing about filling my ass with fluid and having me expel it forcefully to see how far i can squirt fluid out of my ass. He had originally thought about using chaIMG_4415mpagne, which i thought was magnificent, until i listened to a podcast that warned about the risk of alcohol poisoning with the instillation of alcoholic liquids into the rectum. He also wanted to piss in my ass as well. Maximus settled on using almond milk (i’m vegan), so i had a large funnel, almond milk, and lube at the ready in the bathroom for Him. He bent me over the edge of the tub, inserted the lubed funnel into my ass and then, unbeknownst to me, pissed in funnel (i thought it was warm milk!). The piss was slow to drain, so i maneuvered forward so my head was resting on the bottom of the tub and my body straight upright–the fluid drained immediately into my ass. He then poured an entire quart of almond milk in, which poured quickly into my ass, no backup. i could feel the fluid accumulate in my bowels right at the end of the quart, but it wasn’t even close to the sensation of having a colonic, which i’ve had in the past.

When the milk was fully into me, Maximus quickly fucked my ass, letting warm milk and piss stream down His legs. He had me get up and stand on the surround at the head of the tub and at his command, i launched milk from my ass! It was hysterical! i launched it over 7 feet! The fluid had gone deeper than my simple enema, so there was some material in it, but it wasn’t stool, it was the papery, flaky stuff that gets expelled when you have a colonic.

Here is the video:

We got cleaned up (and cleaned up the bathroom!) and got ready to go to dinner. i have been wanting to take Maximus to a special restaurant in Portland, and we finally had a time to go! Maximus’ birthday is coming up and this was part of His birthday treat. i had also purchased a very special present for Him a couple of months ago and just could not wait any longer to give it to Him–i’m the worst at waiting to give gifts. i asked Maximus if i could give Him His present early and He allowed it (He usually makes me wait) as He knew that i had been waiting a long, long time.

max ring

This is a very special ring for Maximus, not just a pretty ring, but holds great symbolism for us. The two cables symbolize our bond, Maximus and gabriella and also reflect the first two ties Maximus does when he binds my chest, one rope above and one rope below my breasts. The two diamonds are black diamonds–there is one for each of us. White diamonds are generally used in wedding bands and as Maximus and i have both come to the conclusion that we suck at marriages, the black diamonds make this the antithesis of a wedding band. Each black diamond represents how difference our relationship is from our past failed marriages and how we promise to make this commitment forever.

i did not know the sizes of Maximus’ fingers and didn’t know what finger either of us wanted Him to wear it on, although i did think that the ring might look wonderful with His gorgeous black Rado watch that He wears on His right wrist (Maximus is left-handed), so i randomly picked a ring size. This ring fit perfectly on His right ring finger! And it looks incredible with His watch. He was blown away by the gift, the symbolism of it, and that no one had ever bought a ring for Him–He had purchased both of His wedding rings. He could not believe that i had so surprised Him again.

Now that i know that the ring is the correct size, i will get it engraved with GOT inside.

We went out to dinner and had a marvelous evening. We started with drinks and went over the schedule for Kinkfest and developed our plan for the weekend.

To be continued…

Categories: Kinkfest, Master ring, Milk enemas | Leave a comment

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