Posts Tagged With: BDSM

2017 Relationship Vision, Values, and Goals

Somehow Maximus and i missed reviewing our Relationship Vision, Values, and Goals last year–that should tell you just how chaotic last year was! We’ve never missed a year, so this was a big deal.

Values

We started with our values. As before, we brainstormed values and i wrote them on Post-It notes. We came up with quite a lot!

2017-values

We came up with:

  • Travel *
  • Friends
  • Fun
  • Entertainment (Parties, Movies, Theatre) *
  • Adventure
  • Fitness *
  • Family
  • Learning
  • Work
  • Financial Stability
  • Home *
  • Support (emotional, physical) *
  • GOT *
  • Health
  • Mindfulness *
  • Patience *
  • Contentment *
  • Happiness *
  • Balance *
  • D/s *
  • Sexuality
  • Honesty *
  • Disclosure *
  • Communication *
  • Accountability *

Then i compared them with what we came up with in 2014. A * indicates a new value from last time. i stacked duplicates and added what we felt were relevant from 2014:

  • Faith
  • Organization
  • Compassion
  • Cleanliness
  • Autonomy
  • Selflessness
  • Creativity
  • Spontaneity
  • Order

We then worked on ranking them as to their priority in our lives together. As we went along, we realized several were supportive of major values, so it ended up as a tree of sorts. As always, this process lead to a lot of discussion on meaning and level of importance–which is just as important, if not more so, as the exercise itself!

2017-values-ranked

Here are how our values worked out for 2017. It’s a bit more complex than last time. The bold text is a major category, supporting values are bulleted beneath. It has surprised us both times that faith has come in last. i think that the events of 2016 really influenced us, in that health ranked second this time, above family and career.

 

 Our 2017 Values

Our GOT Relationship

  • Support
    • Emotional
    • Physical
  • Patience
  • Mindfulness
  • Compassion
  • Selflessness
  • Autonomy
  • Accountability
  • Communication, Honesty, Disclosure
  • Sexuality
  • D/s

Health and Fitness

Family

Work, Career, Lifelong Learning

Financial Stability

Home

  • Cleanliness
  • Order
  • Organization

Fun

  • Friendships
  • Travel
  • Entertainment
  • Adventure
  • Spontaneity
  • Parties
    • Vanilla
    • Kink

Faith

So going forward, these are the values we will use to guide our decision making processes.

Relationship Vision

Now that we’d completed our values, we looked at our existing relationship vision to make sure that it still applied. And we found it did:

GOT – a lifelong, harmonious, loving, committed relationship together.

There was some discussion about this as Maximus thought it should simply say, “GOT,” but i need it spelled out.

Goals

We started by going through our 2015 goals since we hadn’t worked on 2016 goals and reconciled 2015. Turns out, we did a pretty good job of completing our 2015 goals. We noted that some were completed in 2016, so while we hadn’t written down goals for 2016 we did have an idea in our minds of what we wanted to accomplish based upon the task two years ago.

i’m not going to include the goals here as i have them in an Excel spreadsheet that i use to track our goals on a quarterly basis.

It feels good to be back on track with our Values, Vision, and Goals. It is a nice way to start a new year, knowing we are on track with each other and have things to check ourselves on.

new-year1

 

Categories: BDSM relationship, communication, D/s, openess, Reflection, relationship, relationship needs, Relationship Vision, Values | Tags: | Leave a comment

No Thanks?

thank-you-cards

i have been perplexed over the past couple of years over thank you notes. Its not about writing them, its about receiving them, the lack thereof that is. When i was growing up, writing thank you notes was a requirement. my mother would not let us open presents, any presents (Christmas, birthday, etc.), without having a notepad and pen to write down who had given us what, so that we would be prepared to write thank you notes later that day or the next, at the latest. We wrote them out, usually on handmade drawn cards when we were kids, and took them to Mom to go over and mail off. We often dreaded this, but knew it was a requirement, grace and acknowledgement for someone spending the time to get us a gift or do something special for us.

i continue this practice as an adult. To me, its what you do, the right thing, and i don’t even give it a second thought. i have a collection of pretty thank you and blank note cards and sit down right away to write a little note to friends, family, others who have done something nice, such as giving us a gift or inviting us over for dinner or a party, coming up to visit for the weekend, etc. i admit that sometimes i do send an email thank you, if the situation warrants it, such as sending a note on FetLife to thank the host of an event or to others i’ve met and want to thank them for their kindness and future friendship. But generally, i hand write notes, even to my family. i leave them on Maximus’ desk for Him to go over and sign, and then i mail them off.

But i rarely receive any. At most, i get them from wedding/baby showers, but not other gifts given. Why is that? What happened to etiquette? It irks me, and i think, “am i so old that i am doing something completely old-fashioned and out of mode?” i don’t think so.

i did a little research on it and found an article on AARP that said newer generations do not appreciate the thank you note. The same with an article on Good Housekeeping. Those are just two of many. But i just don’t buy into this generation’s thought that we should ignore good etiquette and stop being mindful and appreciative–because that’s what a thank you note is. The Emily Post Institute concurs, thank you notes are just good practice and the right thing to do.

Perhaps we haven’t done a good job at teaching our future generations they why and how of writing thank you notes. The first holiday i had with Maximus where we didn’t receive thank you notes from His kids or grandchildren, i was confused and asked if i had offended them or if they just don’t send thank yous, either in writing or by email. He assured me that they adored their gifts but that thank you notes were not a priority when they were raised–they go on the verbal thank yous when they receive the gifts. But this occurs even if i wasn’t around when they opened the gift, such as when i send a gift with Maximus if He’s off the see the kids or grandkids without me for one reason or another. i didn’t raise them, and i understand there is a difference in how i might have, so i don’t get offended anymore, but i am a wee bit disappointed. It doesn’t deter me from sending them thank you notes for our gifts, however.

So rather than just complaining, i thought i’d share some resources on writing thank you notes, in case someone is struggling with how to do it.

http://emilypost.com/advice/being-thankful-thank-you-note-faqs/

http://www.southernliving.com/home-garden/solutions/thank-you-note

http://www.lifescript.com/well-being/articles/f/fun_ideas_for_creating_thank_you_notes.aspx

And on that note…

thank-you-2016

Categories: Class, Etiquette, submissive housewife, Values | Tags: | Leave a comment

Father Figure

father-figure

i’m devastated. On the way home from our special Christmas tradition of going to the movies, just the two of us, i got a notification that George Michael had died. i cried on the way home.

i remember when His album came out. So provocative, so dirty, so sexy. Right before college, such a pivotal time for my sexuality. I Want your Sex was so nasty, so delicious. The videos, well….i had to watch them when my parents were gone, or after i’d gone to university. But Father Figure, i had that long white wool coat…it was the coat i talked about needing to replace in Rope, Shoes, and Sloppy Blow Jobs. Father Figure was the one i was always drawn to.

The lipstick…

The eyes…

The words…

 

But with Maximus, it’s more. Listening in the car on the way home from the movie, i realized it had been prophetic. Maximus is my father figure.
That’s all I wanted, something special — that’s what i/He wanted all this time, something special
Something sacred in your eyes — Maximus will not allow me to lower my gaze like most subs, i have to look at Him
For just one moment, to be bold and naked at your side — Yes, naked
Sometimes I think that you’ll never understand me — there was so much to go through to get here
Maybe this time is forever, say it can’t be — GOT That’s all you wanted, something special
Someone sacred in your life
Just for one moment, to be warm and naked at my side
Sometimes I think that you’ll never understand me
But something tells me together, we’d be happy I will be your father figure — Maximus is 21 years my senior, a father figure to me, something i spoke with Fern, our counselor about.
(Oh, baby)
Put your tiny hand in mine
(I’d love to)
I will be your preacher teacher — He teaches me all the time
(Be your daddy)
Anything you have in mind
(It would make me)

I will be your father figure
(Very happy)
I have had enough of crime
(Please let me)
I will be the one who loves you
Till the end of time

That’s all I wanted
But sometimes love can be mistaken for a crime — BDSM is often mistaken as a crime
That’s all I wanted, just to see my baby’s blue eyes shine — green
This time I think that my lover understands me
If we have faith in each other then we can be strong

I will be your father figure
Put your tiny hand in mine
I will be your preacher teacher
Anything you have in mind

I will be your father figure
I have had enough of crime
I will be the one who loves you
Till the end of time

If you are the desert, I’ll be the sea Some of you know that i am fire and Maximus is water. desert and sea. This is huge.
If you ever hunger, hunger for me
Whatever you ask for, that’s what I’ll be — i am anything and everything He asks.

So when you remember the ones who have lied –– JM and OneGuy lied to us
Who said that they cared — Maximus always talks about how He believed JM was honest and loved Him, but later He discovered it wasn’t true.
But then laughed as you cried
Beautiful darling, don’t think of me

Because all I ever wanted
It’s in your eyes baby, baby
And love can’t lie, no
(Greet me with the eyes of a child)

My love is always telling me so
(Heaven is a kiss and a smile)
Just hold on, hold on
I won’t let you go, my baby

I will be your father figure
Put your tiny hand in mine
I will be your preacher teacher
Anything you have in mind

I will be your father figure
I have had enough of crime
So I am gonna love you
Till the end of time

I will be your father
I will be your preacher
I’ll be your daddy
I will be the one who loves you
Till the end of time

We came home, blasted Father Figure over the speakers and danced in the living room. It is us. It is our song.
i will be forever grateful and in awe.
Categories: BDSM, BDSM relationship, Father Figure | Tags: | Leave a comment

Happy Holidays, 2016!

happy-holidays-16Wishing you all a happy and joyful holiday, whichever holiday you are celebrating! May your heart overflow with joy!

Maximus and i are spending a quiet Christmas day together. We slept in, Maximus actually slept longer than i did, which is something He needed, and we’ve had a lovely morning together. Several weeks ago we decided to forgo exchanging presents this Christmas, as we have given each other so much this year already. The day is to be spent together, doing things we enjoy, and reveling in our love for each other.

i made breakfast, a yummy Pumpkin French Toast Casserole, figured out where to put the camera tripod up for the annual family photo at tomorrow’s family Christmas celebration here at the new house, took a bath together, will go to see a movie at our favorite theater, have a training session, and Maximus has plans for some sexual playtime! A perfect day!

Tomorrow chaos will ensue! Just kidding, Maximus’ kids and grandkids will be here tomorrow for gifts and dinner, and we are so excited! It’s the first Christmas in our new house and one of His daughters and her family haven’t been here yet, so we are excited to share that with them. i’ve decorated our table, with all the leaves in it, as we finally have a dining room with space for it, and we have a kids table set up as well. It will be a first for us to all sit down and eat together rather than cramming together on the couch and in any space we can find to eat.

So, wishing you all a lovely day as well. Love to all!

Categories: Holiday, submissive housewife | Tags: | Leave a comment

Feeding the Dominant

img_1514

A few weeks ago i noted that Maximus eats a plate of almond butter for lunch, and well, i got into a little bit of hot water over that, as He reminded me that there is an apple on that plate along with the almond butter. The point was that Maximus tends not to fix Himself lunch if i am not around, despite there being loads of great food options for Him. i have always cooked for leftovers, its in my upbringing, and i always have food on hand that can be quickly assembled and/or heated up. However, it’s come to my attention that Maximus hasn’t recognized this, thus the almond butter (and apple), and i am the one eating the leftovers or freezing them for later to keep food from spoiling. i abhor throwing food away and i need to be mindful of our grocery budget.

So after some discussion about this, we have devised a plan to help Maximus have more options for lunches and snacks, which helps us go through the leftovers and prevents me from absolute boredom from eating the same lunch all week long. Maximus wants to know what there is to eat! We settled on a magnetic notepad that i can keep on the front of the refrigerator that has a running tally of what there is to eat and where to find it. So far, its working great! We’ve made it through all the leftovers this week without having to freeze anything, and things, like oranges, aren’t spoiling.

It just takes a tiny bit of prep on my part. i simply list things as the week goes and cross things out when they are gone. It helps me quickly see what needs replenishing too. i make sure everything is labeled and prepped (turns out He hates to peel oranges, so if i have a baggie of peeled oranges at the ready, He will devour them!). Things that i find easy to gather and prepare for lunches are not so handy for Him, but if i prep them and bag them up together, He will happily do it.

food

Case in point, Maximus loves Asian noodles, like soba or udon, in broth with vegetables. i found frozen soba noodles at the Asian market, with six individual serving packs of noodles to a package. i put a small package of frozen noodles and a couple handfuls of frozen Asian mixed veggies into a quart ziplock bag marked “Soba Noodles” in the freezer and have a big bag of homemade Asian broth i’ve frozen in ice cube trays. Maximus grabs a couple handfuls of broth cubes, brings them to a boil in a saucepan, and then adds the frozen noddles and veggies, and voilà! His favorite lunch in minutes!

Its so much healthier for Him and He finds that it gets Him out of His office and away from His computer for a little while, which is a really good thing.

But i’m not a total prude…there are still apples and almond butter…and Christmas cookies!

 

cookies

 

 

Categories: 24/7, Dom/sub, submissive housewife | Tags: | Leave a comment

A Dominant with a Heart

heart

i’ve not journaled for a few days as i’m trying to wrap my head around something. A week ago, Maximus went to the cardiologist for some chest pains that He’d not been telling me about. This was pretty upsetting to me as we do have a principle of “over-communication” in our contract, that applies to both of us, and He’d not mentioned a thing. i only found out when i overhead Him talking to the cardiologist on the phone the day before (i wasn’t eavesdropping, He was talking loud enough in His office that He could be heard in mine).

Maximus still didn’t really relay what was going on, said it was just a checkup and repeat stress echocardiogram, so i didn’t go to the appointment with Him. Mistake. The cardiologist was waiting in the wings to go over His echo and pulled Maximus in for an immediate consultation afterward. Turns out there were some changes from His last echo. He still went way over the maximum (that’s the competitive nature of Him), but things were different on the echo itself. Maximus left the cardiologist with an appointment for an exploratory cardiac catheterization and potential stent placement between Christmas and New Years, along with cardiac meds.

i heard about it over the cell phone while He was driving, in between lots of appointments. It was not a good conversation, i was confused, He was anxious and upset. He didn’t get home until 10 PM after planned Christmas shopping and dinners with His daughters, and we had a lot of conversation about what had been going on, what was happening, miscommunication, anxiety, etc. We’re better now, but it was a difficult day.

i’m so frustrated, though, and i know He is too. Maximus is in stellar shape, swims miles every day and eats healthy (He’s been consistently vegan for the past six months after His last stress echocardiogram, and Had been mostly vegan since i moved in two years ago). We thought we’d be able to keep His heart healthy with dietary changes, but it didn’t work. Everything i’ve read, every conference i’ve been to over the past eight years touts this as being the case. And it didn’t seem to work. And i don’t understand why. And i’ve heard about problems with stents clogging up and needing to be replaced. But i’m not an ass, i don’t want to not do something Maximus needs because i just don’t like it–if He needs it, He needs it. i just need to understand what is happening.

So i have questions for the cardiologist. i wasn’t there at His impromptu appointment and didn’t get to ask them. Fortunately the cardiologist understands and will do a phone consultation with Maximus and me a few days prior to the appointment.

Just have to be patient until after Christmas to ask them…

Categories: 24/7, cardiac, fear, relationship, vegan | Tags: | Leave a comment

Munch Better!

just-right

Maximus and i went to a new munch last night, actually more of a discussion group with a potluck, and it was PERFECT for us! It actually was a combined meeting of two different groups, one a Dominants-only group and the other a submissives-only group. These groups usually meet separately, but they joined up for a combined holiday potluck and then went to separate buildings for their respective discussion groups.

We both loved this group. First, it had the social mixer we were looking for, but second, and most importantly, we really identified with these groups and met some wonderful and helpful people. We have reached out to several people on FetLife and are making plans to meet with them and to go to the group meetings and other events.

It sparked some great discussion on the car ride afterward, which Maximus wanted to continue when we got home. Maximus actually asked that we have Happy Half at 10 PM to go over His thoughts. Maximus shared that with that night’s meeting He realized that He has not been as vigilant and Dominant as He should be and that i have really been asking for. He said that He could see that many of the issues we have had over the past years and recently have been due to His lack of clear direction and communication. It surprised Him because it is not like He is in business, which i have brought up on several occasions, in that He is very clear and decisive with work. And, that because He has relied on (instructed) me to do the primary research into D/s and BDSM, it really has done us a disservice–and i really have to agree with Him here. He recognizes that He really needs to do the Dominant work and that it has been unfair to expect me to fill Him in on the details.

To correct this, i have uploaded all the books i have downloaded and read onto His Kindle. He will read a book a month and we will discuss what He’s read during my training days and/or Happy Halfs. He will be enforcing our rules, which He has been remiss at doing. And He will be attending the Dominants group and working on developing a mentoring relationship with one of the other Doms at this group.

i am actually thrilled about this. It’s been uncomfortable for me to be the lead in the D/s research and development and i have felt it flipped our roles at times. And i have found myself feeling embarrassed some times when we are with other people and there is a mismatch between our (Maximus and me) knowledge levels. i really want the discipline from Him and sometimes i think i act out just to push–i’d rather not do that. So it was a wonderful experience and something we really needed.

Categories: 24/7, BDSM, D/s, discipline, Dom/sub, munch, relationship needs | Tags: | Leave a comment

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