Values

2017 Relationship Vision, Values, and Goals

Somehow Maximus and i missed reviewing our Relationship Vision, Values, and Goals last year–that should tell you just how chaotic last year was! We’ve never missed a year, so this was a big deal.

Values

We started with our values. As before, we brainstormed values and i wrote them on Post-It notes. We came up with quite a lot!

2017-values

We came up with:

  • Travel *
  • Friends
  • Fun
  • Entertainment (Parties, Movies, Theatre) *
  • Adventure
  • Fitness *
  • Family
  • Learning
  • Work
  • Financial Stability
  • Home *
  • Support (emotional, physical) *
  • GOT *
  • Health
  • Mindfulness *
  • Patience *
  • Contentment *
  • Happiness *
  • Balance *
  • D/s *
  • Sexuality
  • Honesty *
  • Disclosure *
  • Communication *
  • Accountability *

Then i compared them with what we came up with in 2014. A * indicates a new value from last time. i stacked duplicates and added what we felt were relevant from 2014:

  • Faith
  • Organization
  • Compassion
  • Cleanliness
  • Autonomy
  • Selflessness
  • Creativity
  • Spontaneity
  • Order

We then worked on ranking them as to their priority in our lives together. As we went along, we realized several were supportive of major values, so it ended up as a tree of sorts. As always, this process lead to a lot of discussion on meaning and level of importance–which is just as important, if not more so, as the exercise itself!

2017-values-ranked

Here are how our values worked out for 2017. It’s a bit more complex than last time. The bold text is a major category, supporting values are bulleted beneath. It has surprised us both times that faith has come in last. i think that the events of 2016 really influenced us, in that health ranked second this time, above family and career.

 

 Our 2017 Values

Our GOT Relationship

  • Support
    • Emotional
    • Physical
  • Patience
  • Mindfulness
  • Compassion
  • Selflessness
  • Autonomy
  • Accountability
  • Communication, Honesty, Disclosure
  • Sexuality
  • D/s

Health and Fitness

Family

Work, Career, Lifelong Learning

Financial Stability

Home

  • Cleanliness
  • Order
  • Organization

Fun

  • Friendships
  • Travel
  • Entertainment
  • Adventure
  • Spontaneity
  • Parties
    • Vanilla
    • Kink

Faith

So going forward, these are the values we will use to guide our decision making processes.

Relationship Vision

Now that we’d completed our values, we looked at our existing relationship vision to make sure that it still applied. And we found it did:

GOT – a lifelong, harmonious, loving, committed relationship together.

There was some discussion about this as Maximus thought it should simply say, “GOT,” but i need it spelled out.

Goals

We started by going through our 2015 goals since we hadn’t worked on 2016 goals and reconciled 2015. Turns out, we did a pretty good job of completing our 2015 goals. We noted that some were completed in 2016, so while we hadn’t written down goals for 2016 we did have an idea in our minds of what we wanted to accomplish based upon the task two years ago.

i’m not going to include the goals here as i have them in an Excel spreadsheet that i use to track our goals on a quarterly basis.

It feels good to be back on track with our Values, Vision, and Goals. It is a nice way to start a new year, knowing we are on track with each other and have things to check ourselves on.

new-year1

 

Categories: BDSM relationship, communication, D/s, openess, Reflection, relationship, relationship needs, Relationship Vision, Values | Tags: | Leave a comment

No Thanks?

thank-you-cards

i have been perplexed over the past couple of years over thank you notes. Its not about writing them, its about receiving them, the lack thereof that is. When i was growing up, writing thank you notes was a requirement. my mother would not let us open presents, any presents (Christmas, birthday, etc.), without having a notepad and pen to write down who had given us what, so that we would be prepared to write thank you notes later that day or the next, at the latest. We wrote them out, usually on handmade drawn cards when we were kids, and took them to Mom to go over and mail off. We often dreaded this, but knew it was a requirement, grace and acknowledgement for someone spending the time to get us a gift or do something special for us.

i continue this practice as an adult. To me, its what you do, the right thing, and i don’t even give it a second thought. i have a collection of pretty thank you and blank note cards and sit down right away to write a little note to friends, family, others who have done something nice, such as giving us a gift or inviting us over for dinner or a party, coming up to visit for the weekend, etc. i admit that sometimes i do send an email thank you, if the situation warrants it, such as sending a note on FetLife to thank the host of an event or to others i’ve met and want to thank them for their kindness and future friendship. But generally, i hand write notes, even to my family. i leave them on Maximus’ desk for Him to go over and sign, and then i mail them off.

But i rarely receive any. At most, i get them from wedding/baby showers, but not other gifts given. Why is that? What happened to etiquette? It irks me, and i think, “am i so old that i am doing something completely old-fashioned and out of mode?” i don’t think so.

i did a little research on it and found an article on AARP that said newer generations do not appreciate the thank you note. The same with an article on Good Housekeeping. Those are just two of many. But i just don’t buy into this generation’s thought that we should ignore good etiquette and stop being mindful and appreciative–because that’s what a thank you note is. The Emily Post Institute concurs, thank you notes are just good practice and the right thing to do.

Perhaps we haven’t done a good job at teaching our future generations they why and how of writing thank you notes. The first holiday i had with Maximus where we didn’t receive thank you notes from His kids or grandchildren, i was confused and asked if i had offended them or if they just don’t send thank yous, either in writing or by email. He assured me that they adored their gifts but that thank you notes were not a priority when they were raised–they go on the verbal thank yous when they receive the gifts. But this occurs even if i wasn’t around when they opened the gift, such as when i send a gift with Maximus if He’s off the see the kids or grandkids without me for one reason or another. i didn’t raise them, and i understand there is a difference in how i might have, so i don’t get offended anymore, but i am a wee bit disappointed. It doesn’t deter me from sending them thank you notes for our gifts, however.

So rather than just complaining, i thought i’d share some resources on writing thank you notes, in case someone is struggling with how to do it.

http://emilypost.com/advice/being-thankful-thank-you-note-faqs/

http://www.southernliving.com/home-garden/solutions/thank-you-note

http://www.lifescript.com/well-being/articles/f/fun_ideas_for_creating_thank_you_notes.aspx

And on that note…

thank-you-2016

Categories: Class, Etiquette, submissive housewife, Values | Tags: | Leave a comment

Our Relationship Vision and Values

Image

Developing our relationship vision and values has been our to-do list for months and months. We had some time together last weekend and instead of filling our time up with running errands and random things, we decided to take the time to focus on our vision and values. These are going to be particularly important in the next several months as we have decided to take our relationship to the next level–we are moving in together. i am going to retire early and transition to a new career (job search is actively on!), rent out my house, and move up to Seattle. Plans are for me to apply to graduate school for a professional program related to my current field, but i may forgo that if i find a fantastic dream job prior.

So it’s an exciting time and we have a ton to do. We have been working with an architect and builder to add rooms onto Maximus’ house for my grand piano, storage, and an office for me. And we are getting ready to meet with an attorney to work on establishing a domestic partnership, cohabitation agreement, power of attorney, wills, etc., as well as financial planning. We’ve both had relationships fail in the past and want to go into this with eyes wide open and all angles discussed and agreed upon so we don’t make the same mistakes and assumptions we’ve done in the past.

The first step though, was for us to make sure we have a shared vision of what this looks like and make sure our values are aligned. It’s important that we have something to go to if we start struggling with decisions during this process.

We started brainstorming words that embodied our vision of our relationship. We wrote them all down as they came out of our mouths and then discussed them after we finished the list. Some were combined, some eliminated. Then we wrote them into our vision statement:

A lifelong, harmonious, loving, committed relationship together.

Next we brainstormed values. Again we wrote them all down as they came out of our mouths, discussed, combined, eliminated. Once we had narrowed the list down to a dozen or so values, i wrote these on post-it notes and we prioritized them on the tabletop in order. It was really fascinating to do this and we had great discussions. We were even surprised about how we prioritized some things and learned a lot about each other in the process. Here’s what we came up with:

Our Values

  1. Our Relationship
  2. Family
  3. Financial Stability
  4. Health
  5. Career Professionalism
  6. Lifelong Learning
  7. Organization/Cleanliness/Order
  8. Sexuality
  9. Autonomy
  10. Friendships
  11. Creativity
  12. Fun, Adventure, and Spontaneity
  13. Selflessness/Compassion
  14. Faith

These are our values now, and the order of them now. These can change and that’s perfectly alright. We will revisit them as necessary, adjust as our relationship grows. But what it gives us is a framework and it opened up important conversation that we need to have to guide us while we undergo this big change together.

Categories: communication, relationship, Relationship Vision, Values | Leave a comment

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