Two Days

“Desiring my collar…” i texted Him this morning.

“Two more sleeps baby.” He responds.

Later i text again, “Wednesday not here fast enough. Miss You today.”

“Miss you  always” 

“me too…some days even more.”

Two days before we see each other again are always the hardest for me. i seem to do fine with a week, or even more, but two days bring such wanting that i can hardly stand it. If only i could bite a poisoned apple, fall into Sleeping Beauty’s slumbered trance, and wake to His kiss.

i miss His touch, the softness of His skin, His scent when i nuzzle into His neck, His giggle, His hair, being entwined, laying on His chest, a hot cup of coffee in His bed, watching Him walk down the length of the pool deck in utter disbelief that i’m His and He’s mine, impromptu dates, rich wine, napping with Him, His touch…

i miss pleasuring Him, serving, giving myself to Him, the pleasure-pain Ying Yang as He explores my body and mind and soul looking for limits, His direction, being held in suspense and the massive release that comes afterward, hearing Him come, feeling it surge inside me, His earthquakes i induce afterward…

i miss His soul…

No one warned me how deeply i would fall and how He would be there to catch me and hold me…how would they know?…how could i know?

Two days is always the anticipation of the fall, its walking to the edge, the first glimpse over, waiting to take the step. It’s the heart-pounding, throbbing, oh my god it’s going to happen. A week out is far enough away from the edge to not see it yet, the edge blends into the horizon and appears as an eternity, infinite.

Two days is Ying Yang, pleasure-pain. So close you can almost touch it but you can’t.

Two days is always the hardest for me.

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So sorry for the absence….regular life has been crazy and taken over. Will be back shortly.

All is well with us, no worries!


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It’s Almost Christmas!

Hehe! It’s almost OUR Christmas. It’s been a week since we saw each other last…why does it feel so much longer than that?

Maximus will be down tomorrow night. Just being together is gift enough. i’ve been very patient, going crazy inside waiting to give Him His gifts!

Monday night we’ll head to our friends’ New Years Eve party. Maximus will be wearing His tux…be still my heart–and hands! i have a matching dress (this time i picked it out, due to a surprise) and incredible shoes that will blow His mind! The shoes are part of His Christmas present. So excited!

That’s all for now!

Ho Ho Ho

and He He He!

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There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
And when she was good
She was very, very good
But when she was bad
She was horrid! 

i feel miserable. Maximus is right, He could never punish me as i punish myself.

i’ve been horrid. Just like the nursery rhyme.

i went off on Maximus. Completely unprovoked and unfairly. i yelled and carried on, swore, cried, stormed out, hung up, screamed. i did this exactly when He needed it the least, as if He needed it at all, but my timing couldn’t have been worse. i am mortified by my actions.

And yet He still loves me, even when i’m having trouble loving myself right now.

i don’t know why i tried to ruin it. i don’t have reasons or excuses. i don’t know why i got so wrapped up in emotions and let them carry me to such a dark place. i don’t know why i lashed out on someone who loves and cares and desires me, and someone who needs me to be strong and supportive right now. He hasn’t asked for anything but my heart and trust, and gives me the world in return.

i am so sorry.

And i love you. Thank you for forgiving me.

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