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Last week was Maximus’ birthday. i’ve not blogged about this before, as i didn’t think it was an issue, and i still don’t, but i’ve never mentioned that my Dom, my love, my Maximus is 21-1/2 years older than me. i am 41 and He is now 63. i have no problem with this, and neither does He, but this new age must have triggered something in Maximus as He brought it up and asked me to blog about it.

i understand i am biased, but Maximus does NOT look or act His age. i don’t believe any of our friends would guess that He was more than 55 based on His body, His health, His stamina, His sexual prowess, His youthful attitude, etc. i’ve never, ever felt an age difference between us, even when we were just friends, and certainly not now. Maximus is certainly the sexiest man i’ve ever had, with an amazing fit body. Although He often says, “it takes a village” to wear me out sexually, i don’t feel that way. Our sexual encounters, whether just the two of us alone or in a group, have more stamina than most twenty year olds. People talk about how perfectly matched we are in this regard and often marvel about our endurance.

The only thing that ever crosses my mind is the reality that some day 21-1/2 years will make me 88 and Him 110. We both have longevity in our families, but odds are we will not be 110 and 132, and this makes me sad. i don’t like to talk about this. It’s not that i don’t want to take care of Him then, i absolutely do, i just don’t want to think about being without Him. We both know that we had to travel our paths, have our experiences in order to come together in our lives, i just wish it had been sooner so we had even more time to GOT, Grow Old Together.

i know this crosses His mind as well. i think He worries about sexual performance in addition, and this NEVER even crosses my mind. Our relationship is so much more than sexual. But i understand that He is a man and men worry about this. This has been on Maximus’ mind a lot recently as He had His annual PSA test, something that brings some anxiety for Him given He’s had some scares with previous test results that required painful biopsies in order to determine he was cancer-free. Maximus has expressed fear of sexual dysfunction with prostate cancer treatment, should He ever have prostate cancer.

i love Maximus. i feel so lucky to have Him in my life, albeit later in our lives than we would like. But, we wouldn’t have worked earlier, for we had things to learn in order to be ready for each other. And anyway, He’s not 110 for another 47 years, so really, i have another lifetime with Him. And i love that!

Note Maximus left in my bed last week

i was reflecting on the events of this past week and was trying to put a finger on how i feel about my behavior, my reactions.  i am not proud of myself, have a great deal of remorse, and really feel, well…naked. Not the good naked, where you love the skin you’re in, prance around, check yourself out in the mirror, run your hands over your body, or present yourself confidently to someone, but that ashamed, trying unsuccessfully to cover yourself with a washcloth, please don’t look at me and all my flaws, expelled from the Garden of Eden, self-conscious nakedness. It’s having the dark, ugly parts of your soul revealed, trying to shove it back into the space it resided, wishing no one had seen these nether regions–but they did. The tape plays it over like an echo inside your head days later.

i feel more naked in front of Maximus now, 150 miles away, than i ever have; more naked than being tied spread-eagle on His bed, more naked than bound and gagged and blindfolded by Him, more naked than taking my clothes off in front of a group of friends and strangers. i’m comfortable in my skin. i’m uncomfortable in my loss of emotional control. Uncovered. It makes me awkward, tripping over myself to make it all right, over-analytical. i’m impatient for the embarrassment of being seen naked to resolve. Wanting the effects of time, distance, and shielding to lend their protective qualities, much like they lessen the effects of exposure to radioactive materials. And they will.

So i will work on not replaying the tape, quieting the echo. Take solace in the fact that Maximus did not expel me from the Garden of His love, that He loves me despite my ugly nakedness, and helps me learn from this event. i have to be patient as He, too, recovers from what He saw and experienced.

i will be patient,

i will be patient,

breathe.

i broke up with Maximus today.

It was my choice, not my preference.

i feel i had no other choice, feel badgered.

He does not agree.

It started Thursday on my way up to see Him. He called to tell me about His plans for His evening after i arrived. His plans were to spend the evening eating pizza and drinking wine at Swimmer Guy’s house. Just them. i was to hang out at His place.

Nice. Not.

This trip has been planned for months. i’ve taken vacation, arranged my schedule. And now, with a sick grandmother, am making arrangements to come home immediately should the situation decline and she pass away. It’s been a priority. And now, it is apparent to me that i was not.

“Can i come with You?”…pregnant pause. “Uh, well, it’s just that Swimmer Guy wants to talk.”

He already has plans to swim with him in the morning, go to brunch, and take him to the airport; all of which was planned and i was totally fine with. This is not planned and happens right after i’m set to arrive there. i feel like i’ve been slapped in the face.

i stop to visit my grandmother and can’t figure out why i’m even going up now. i text:

Would You prefer that i not come up until Saturday evening so You can do all the things You want to do? i can go home after the race. Feel like i’m encroaching on Your things. i just need a place to stay the night before so i don’t have to drive up so early race day.

He responds, “No, keep to the plan and you aren’t. I NEED you.”

I continued up. Enroute, we talk. i explained how i felt about these changes and how it feels rude to make plans for me to come up and then make new plans that don’t include me. He has changed plans with Swimmer Guy; canceled dinner that night and will just have tomorrow’s plans. i still sting about His initial decision and feel disregarded.

That night, Maximus gets a text and reads it aloud, like He often does. It’s from Swimmer Guy saying, Hey, if your business dinner gets over early come over, even if it’s late.

Business Dinner?? Maximus has made an excuse that He can’t go because of a last minute business dinner. i’m reeling. He can’t tell His best friend the truth, can’t tell him about me? We’ve been together six months, i’ve met Swimmer Guy eight months ago, we’re serious, and He can’t tell him about me? i let it go, it’s not worth arguing about. my heart hurts, though.

Soonafter, Maximus tells me He has been invited to Ms. W’s up on the mountain. She is now in the middle of her divorce and He at the end of His. Their exes are not amicable with either of them and things are really quite contentious. i can’t believe He’s considering going up there, to a town with 100 people, in JB’s backyard, flaunting Himself, risking destroying any agreement they have and risking her opening up new disputes out of anger–she’s already gone postal as it is. He asks my opionion and i share that i think it’s foolish. i am shocked that this is coming up again, that He’s willing to risk the finality of His divorce for this. i let it go, it’s not worth arguing about. my head and heart hurt.

Upstairs, i find my boudoir portfolio upside down. Upside Down, the pictures are displayed upside down. This is a man who get OCD about couch pillows…He wouldn’t miss an upside down picture. It appears to be put on the nightstand in a hurry for my arrival, not noticed it was upside down. i can’t NOT say something about this. He says it must be from dusting and then argues that He prefers it upside down…which is it? Dusting or preference? This doesn’t make any sense to me. i let it go, my soul is aching.

We spent time together and had a good time despite the nagging things from the first night. i put them away, not worth the fight.

Until….

We’d finished playing an intense scene with our friends Mountain Man and Sunflower, where i was tied, blindfolded, headphones playing music, for hours. It took some time to get me back to reality and we were down in the kitchen visiting and sipping wine when i got a phone call that my grandmother had died. Awful.

Maximus kept asking me what i wanted Him to do, over and over. i don’t know what i want Him to do. i don’t know. i don’t know! i don’t know what i want me to do. i want Him to just hold me and tell me it’ll be ok. He wants me to tell Him if He should cancel His work trip to California. i don’t know! i can’t make that decision for Him, i don’t know His work rules. i tell Him that over and over and i’m getting more and more frustrated. i can’t get Him to understand that i just want Him to do what He wants to do to support me. i won’t tell Him what to do about work. If He wants to cancel His trip and be with me, great. If He can’t, great. You tell me what you can do. i can’t make that decision for You and certainly not right now, five minutes after the phone call.

Mountain Man and Sunflower get ready to leave and mention LeLe’s upcoming party. Maximus told me He wasn’t going as He wouldn’t be getting back from California until late, late that night. Mountain Man and Sunflower tell Maximus how excited they are to hear from LeLe that He’s coming to the party. Wow.

All i want to do is leave. Get out of there. Now. i start picking up toys. Mountain Man and Sunflower have left and i tell Maximus i’m leaving as soon as i’m packed.

i feel like a ghost!

Maximus wanted to tell His family and friends about me in November, before His divorce mediation and i insisted that was not a good idea as it could interfere with the process and make things very horrible. i suggested we wait until the divorce was final.

In December, they agreed to the terms of the divorce and signed paperwork, or what i thought was divorce paperwork. i asked, “So now you just have to wait the 90 day waiting period and it’s final?”

“No,” He replied, “no waiting period necessary as the process took longer than the 90 days from date of separation and involved the court system.”

So i think His divorce is final. i find out later i’m wrong. i think He is waiting to share His news about me to His friends and family until the holidays are done, as not to take away from that. Then, i think we are waiting until after the birth of His grandson in February as not to take away from the birth. But then i learn, after that, that His divorce is NOT final…that JB still has not signed the final documents–they only signed that they agreed on the terms of the mediation. She’s refused to sign the divorce documents. i feel duped. i feel deceived. i feel like i’ve been led on.

i can’t take any more. i am destroyed. i am frustrated. i am ANGRY.

i don’t feel i’ve been told the truth. i feel like i’m a convenience. i feel foolish. i’ve been thinking He was excited about me, wanted to share about me as i have done with Him. He insists it’s only days away from being signed, that i’m overreacting and we’ve agreed. But here are the problems i have:

• i feel i was made to believe the divorce papers had been signed.
• i thought we were waiting on holidays and events to pass and then i found out different
• He has insisted that He’s not sharing about me because He doesn’t want to mess up the final paperwork yet He will gladly go to Ms. W’s and flaunt themselves in the same small town as JB and Covert Ops, which has way more risk of damaging the process than i ever would have.
• He insists it’s days away, so what’s the big deal in sharing about me to Swimmer Guy on his two day visit before He returns home to Europe? He lied about me to him. He couldn’t even say He had someone staying with Him.
• He was ambiguous to His brother when He talked to Him about supporting “a friend” at a race during the event. His brother has been trying to get Him to date, even suggesting online dating services. 

We argue all night. i drive home in the morning exhausted. After a huge battle, He cancels His work trip and comes down the next evening and stays until the day after the funeral.

We argue again the night before He leaves. We are not communicating well at all. When He leaves, He can hardly even wait for my mother and me to exit the garage to back out and drive away. i’m horribly embarrassed and my mom’s reaction to that. i want to die right there on the driveway.

He calls that evening to share His epiphany, that He never wants anyone to yell at Him ever again. i’m so irritated because He presents it as an ultimatim, that He’s got no responsibility in frustrating me to the point of anger and not letting me take a break when i need it to avoid yelling.

We make it through the conversation with some breaks. At the end, He tells me He feels great about us and asks how i feel. i feel like i’m on unsteady feet. i don’t really feel great.

He also lets me know that He’s got two playdates set up now. One with Ms. W and she’s staying the night and another with LeLe, who is going to a divorce as well. And then He goes to bed.

i laid in bed and realized that i felt hurt that He ran home so quickly and set up play- and overnight fuck dates. i think that’s insensitive. i texted Him that i feel uncomfortable about that and think the timing’s bad. i text but don’t hear back as He’s asleep now.

i drove to work in the morning, didn’t hear from Him at all. On the drive i felt huge waves of anxiety, a weight on me. i can’t take this anymore. i decided i needed to leave Maximus, that His refusal to share me in His whole life is unacceptable to me, that His insistence about needing to be divorced to do that, despite His willingness to flaunt His relationship with Ms. W in front of His ex-wife is in complete opposition. He can flaunt her and risk His divorce, but not share me with His family and friends which has no risk of damaging his divorce. 

He texted good morning and that He just saw my texts. Didn’t say anything about the content, just that He missed them during the night. i had to ask if He’d even read the content. And then i advised Him i was done, that if He was going to hold me to needing Him to be divorced to be shared in His life, then i could no longer be in a relationship with Him. It was wholly inappropriate for that rule to be applied so unilaterally, that it was ok to have a relationship and not be divorced, but not to share about me. i feel illegitimate.

And He let me go. No fight. So we’re done.

i need someone who cannot contain their joy about our relationship, that can’t wait to share about it to friends and family, to include me in their life FULLY. i’ve done that for Maximus. i need that. i’ve asked for that. Sharing about me to His friend and family at this point has no risk to damage His divorce.

Instead He’s fucking Ms. W, which has all the sense of placing an open candle on a stack of dry straw. It’s not that He’s fucking Ms. W that angers me, but that He cannot see how that behavior risks everything, that it risks His divorce, which pisses off His ex and prolongs this divorce and prevents it from being over so i can be part of His life fully. He cannot see how that flies in my face, that He’s applying rules differently. It’s perfectly acceptable to risk His divorce by flaunting her, a huge risk, but not to share me privately with close friends and family who only want Him to be happy and would never tell JB that He has a relationship–i find that asinine. He refuses to see how He’s breaking my heart and soul by lying about me, hiding me. It’s acceptable to Him to lose me and this relationship that He said was the love of His life.

The man behind the curtain really is important! We MUST pay attention to the man behind the curtain.

Maximus and i really did have an amazing week. i think in many ways, we learned more about each other and ourselves in this week than we’ve learned in the past several months–and that’s saying a lot!

i flew up to see Him instead of driving. Wow if that wasn’t a treat! Maximus flew in from His business trip about two hours after i arrived. The original plan was to be in a bar in the airport waiting for Him and have a role play where He would approach me and pick me up–and He had to be successful! Unfortunately, all the bars in the airport closed at 10PM, so no scene!

We spent the first part of the week at His house. We slept, fucked, swam, shopped, decorated His house, cooked, ate, lounged, talked and talked and talked. It was absolutely wonderful! We did have some kink play, which i’ll blog about separately, but we just spent time TOGETHER, which is what we both needed so desperately. We did some planning for upcoming vacations together, including a trip to Hawaii in April. We also met a dear friend of His, PoodleS, for brunch, and i just loved her! As we were walked to our table, PoodleS nudged Maximus and asked, “Daughter?” which catapaulted Him into a fit of giggles and huge smile that never left His face that whole day and all the days after.

Everything was complete bliss until our last morning at Maximus’. i woke up edgy, concerned about several things, including my plan to work on His iPhone on our trip down to my house. I was going to use the time on the road to install some apps and do some configurations on His phone for His GoPro camera and a calendar program and knew i just wasn’t going to be able to do that without going through His texts–it bothered me. In fact, i got out of the pool very early into our swim workout, prompting Maximus to leave the pool and holler into the women’s locker room to check on me, which made me feel embarrassed rather than loved (He was concerned about my welfare, having never left the pool early before. It was out of pure love and i didn’t appreciate how caring it was.)

In the car i did go through His texts and ended up getting upset. Maximus had mentioned earlier in the week, when i brought up that i felt He was very distanced, that He was so exhausted that He wasn’t even talking to Ms. W. Text messages showed otherwise. In addition, it also showed that after He was telling me goodnight each night, that He was too tired to stay up, that He spent time texting her. This upset me a lot. It felt like He had not been honest when He said He wasn’t talking to her and i didn’t like that she was the last person He was talking to each night. This made me cry. He hadn’t realized He’d been doing that, didn’t understand my feelings about it initially.

During our discussion, Maximus accidentally divulged that His biggest fear was that i was going to leave Him and that He would be old and alone the rest of His life, would die and no one would come to His funeral. This shocked me, because i was not leaving Him, was just discussing something that was bothering me, and that my concern was that He would die when i was away from Him and that i’d never know, no one would notify me. We both had the same fear, of the other person leaving. This was behind both of our curtains, never meant for the other to see.

Maximus asked if i would consider going to counseling together. i agreed wholeheartedly. i have always thought that if someone asked another person to go to couples counseling they should absolutely agree to do it. It takes a lot of courage to ask a partner to go to counseling and shows a huge willingness to work together on the relationship–how could you ever refuse someone that? It’s not that we’re having problems, it’s that we both have a history of failed relationships, with two divorces each, and we want to give our lives together every chance to succeed. Shouldn’t you go to couples counseling at the beginning of a relationship and learn how to best interact with each other instead of at the end when you are at each others throats and have damaged each other to the point of splitting up?

We had a lot of discussion about conflict. Maximus does not like conflict, i do not mind conflict, as long as it is constructive and not damaging. i would much rather communicate about issues rather than hold them in and pretend everything is fine, just to have them build up and explode later. He does understand this, and does appreciate the outcome, it’s just not a process that He’s completely comfortable with. Interestingly, it’s new for Him, this level of communication in a relationship. i think counseling will help us do this better.

The resolution was great! That night i shared with Maximus that i felt uncomfortable about how i have dealt with His phone, that i feel i have been disrespectful in how i have gone about looking at His texts. He has given me carte blanche access to His email and phone, but i think going through His email or phone behind His back or under false pretenses without asking for permission is disrespectful to Him. He did not think it had been disrespectful, but understood that i felt this way and would have me ask Him on a case by case basis to see His email or phone if i had concerns. i also shared with Him some OCD history of mine which has made full access unbearable to me and how not having His new email password (changed from a recent potential hack) has been a complete relief. He was very shocked at my confession and appreciated knowing.

We spent the last night tromping around town, window shopping and browsing a very ecclectic area, holding hands, giggling, adoring each other. We talked and talked as we wandered. Maximus asked for my thoughts on some of His future contingencies and i started to wonder about how i fit into them. i actually started to realize that i really didn’t have a clear vision of our future together, how He saw us and how we’d be together then. We settled into a wonderful bourbon bar we’d discovered on our last forray into town and i asked Him about His vision of us. It was an amazing, surprising conversation for me. And, He was surprised that i didn’t know the vision. He didn’t want to tell me at first, because His feelings for me are equivalent to being at that step in a traditional relationship where you want to marry someone–which is something we have discussed not wanting to do again, and our families are behind us on that as well. We were in the middle of this wonderful discussion when friends of mine surprizingly appeared and we joined them at a table together.

After a wonderful evening with friends, we headed back to the car, Maximus tipsy on flights of bourbon, and we started our discussion back up where we left off, both anxious to discuss it more. The discussion started well but when nearly home, in the middle of talking about us and our future, Maximus started talking about Ms. W out of the blue. i was crushed and in absolute disbelief. Suddenly Maximus stopped and said, “Why am i talking about Ms. W now?” and i replied, “i don’t know and i can’t answer that for You, but You do that all the time, every time we talk about us You bring her up.” It was devastating for me. He kept asking why and it made me angry. i told Him to stop talking and that our conversation about our future was over for the night–He needed to answer His own question before we could ever talk about this again. He tried to keep talking and i finally exploded, “It’s just completely insensitive when you bring her up all the time. IT’S FUCKING RUDE!” He blurted out, “That’s it, I’ve figured it out, that’s the answer! I’ve had an epiphany!” And it made me more upset because it was not the answer, it was merely the effect His actions had on me. He kept telling me it was the answer to His question. i told Him to stop talking to me and we drove the last five minutes home in silence, my heart shattered.

When we got into the house i turned to Him, “i have two things to say. First, You need to go to counseling and figure out why you can’t talk about us without talking about Ms. W. Second, i’m not running away, but we cannot have a discussion about our future until you figure out the answer to number one.” He then explained that His epiphany was that in His desire to be completely transparent about how He did not love Ms. W and that i was His sole, primary relationship, He’d constantly brought Ms. W up to remind me that His relationship with her was not at all a threat. He’d not realized how hurtful this has been to me, how it has contributed to my complete misunderstanding of their relationship and jealousy, and was utterly and completely rude. And then He exclaimed how happy and joyous He was about discovering that–i on the other hand was completely devastated. He recognized that in the process of His discovery i got completely burned. i’d never felt so crushed.

Maximus crawled into bed and begged me to come hold Him. i was upset because i wanted to be the one held, thought i deserved that. But i decided that i really just needed to love Maximus and went to Him and held Him. Before He drifted off to sleep, Maximus said, “you’ll never find anyone as good as Me, who loves you like I do,” and this just hurt me. i told Him not to say anything like that, that was what men say when they leave a relationship, a slap, not a nice thing. He apologized, not realizing it was hurtful. He fell asleep but i could not. i got up and sat on the stairs to think. After a bit i went down to eat some leftovers from dinner when suddenly Maximus burst down in a panic, having woken from a fit of anxiety, not knowing where He was and finding me gone, His worst fear.

He returned to bed and i followed shortly after. He asked me to hold Him and i simply requested that He hold me this time. He held me and we slept.

The next morning was difficult. i still felt crushed while Maximus felt relieved by figuring this out. He acknowledged that my burn wound was still hurting and would take some time to heal. He thanked me for incurring my injury to save Him, understanding that i hurt for it.

i was exhausted. i had more to talk about, had done some thinking during the night and realized that i needed something from Maximus. When Maximus gave me GOT, it was a gift, that we would Grow Old Together. But, it has made me feel a little bit like a foregone conclusion, an assumption. Not that i was running away or would say no, but i really wanted Maximus to ask me to spend the rest of my life with Him, and not as a marriage proposal, but as partners together in our lives. The statement in bed that night really made me realize that. i don’t want it to be assumed that i won’t find anyone better, i want it to be my choice that i go with Him, that He chose me and i chose Him, not an assumption for either of us. It took a bit of explaining as i was tired and not articulating well, but He understood. He assured me that He has had this planned, that i am not an assumption, that there will be a time and a place and He will ask.

and i will say yes. i’m not running.

i shouldn’t feel drained, i should feel excited, but i’m drained. The last few weeks have taken more out of me than i realized, i guess. i had the mediation week with Maximus, learned of the death of a college friend, and then my grandmother got extremely ill and we’ve put her under hospice care. With that, Maximus’ work has ramped up and he’s been pounded with workforce reduction planning, reviews, and travel. We’re both drained. We’ve not found ourselves simultaneously in low energy before and i’m not handling it gracefully.

We’re still learning about each other. i’ve never seen energy-drained Maximus before, and it’s through distance, so i’m not getting the whole picture. i only see changes in communication and then try to understand my feelings in response to the changes. my weakness is in automatically thinking that something’s wrong with our relationship and that we’re in trouble. Phone calls and Skype sessions have been shorter, Maximus has been multitasking during them, which makes me feel like i don’t have His attention and that i’m interrupting Him. There’ve been fewer text messages and His responses are short, “Thanks,” “Cool,” “Nice,” “OK” rather than answers. So i started to evaluate everything through that lens, that something’s wrong and i’m bothering Him.

We started to talk on the phone last night after i posted Two Days, and during it, He mentioned that He was going to be busy working while i was there, which really put me off. i was at work and really couldn’t talk about this, especially since i could feel myself getting emotional about it and really didn’t need that at work, so we ended the call. i emailed and we texted about it, and Maximus assured me that what i was feeling was His low energy, the lowest He’s ever been, and then decided, from our conversation, that He really needed a break for the night, that He was exhausted and it was effecting both of us. i felt bad, “Distracted You from Your plans tonight, i’m sorry,” i wrote.

Maximus replied, “No. This is exactly what I needed. Picked up 5%. Sunlight from you baby.”

i woke up even more drained, especially after an emotional work situation that night. i just couldn’t shake my feeling. Maximus responded with love and pics to pick me up, but wasn’t working. i emailed Him:

Here are things that make me feel the space between us. Yes, i am all around you. All the things i’ve given you were from my heart, made or selected just for you. Most of which, i know, are hidden away when i leave and come out of drawers so they look like they are always there when i arrive [Maximus and i are waiting to be open to His family about our relationship until after the final paperwork is done for His divorce, which should be within the next month or so. Therefore, my pictures are put up when His family arrives, for now.]. i don’t have things to surround myself with.

The majority of the time we’ve spent together has been when i’ve come up there. Yes, You’ve come down a few times, all but once was because there was a party to attend at M and S’s. This time you have a meeting here. i feel like you need some other reason to come down here, not just to see me or spend time together.  A month ago you suggested coming down for three weeks…when i brought that up last time, You rescinded that, acted like it was the biggest imposition for me to ask—i DIDN’T ASK, You said You wanted to do this. Now You have no interest in it.

We’ve talked about phone and Skype calls…they’re abrupt.

Texts have gotten very clipped. Most of the replies i get from you are “Thanks” “cool” “nice” “ok”. i feel like a moron for sending a text in the first place when i get responses like that.

i’ve traded a shift, taken a vacation day, turned down overtime, purchased a plane ticket to come see you the end of this week and weekend. You, on the other hand, will be working.

These don’t make me feel special. i feel like a fool. i feel like i’m wasting our time.

i feel Your interest lies elsewhere. i don’t exactly know where that is, but You found it sometime in the last few weeks.

Ok, so that’s my point of view. He called on His way to the airport. Maximus was very patient with me. i had to read the email to Him as He was driving. He recognizes that i have been affected by His low energy, and because i have brought this to His attention the last two days, He’s taken steps to rest and take care of Himself to build His energy back up. He was very cheerful and happy during our phone call, despite me being down. Unfortunately, i’ve taken His low energy very personally. We talked about the issues and how things have been situational and not how they are going to be forever.

“you inspire Me to be better,” He texted when He got on the plane.

“i’m glad. i feel drained,” i replied.

“I know. My job to recharge you.”