TPE

Feminism in Lifestyle and D/s

girls women females

Feminism is the ability to choose what you want to do – Nancy Reagan

i started writing this several months ago, and just hadn’t finished it. It’s something that comes up now and again in D/s…how does feminism fit in the lifestyle and aren’t you setting women back a century by submitting to a man? i even worried about this when Maximus and i were first starting.

For me, feminism is about having the choice to do whatever the hell it is you want to do rather than being held within the constraints of social expectation. The key word there is choice. As a feminist, i decide what it is i want to do, based upon my needs, wants, and desires. This is how i was raised–do whatever it is you want to do, the sky’s the limit. And this is how i have lived my life.

i never picked traditional visions for myself as a young girl. my dreams were to become a doctor, an astronaut, or work in public safety–none of these were “normal” choices when i was a girl. And i persevered, breaking into a non-traditional profession with a group of the first women in my place of occupation of all men. i was very successful and became the first woman to hold leadership where i worked, and climbed through the ranks to be a “leader of men” so to speak. i was great at it, it fit me, and i loved it.

And then i needed a change. It was my choice. i decided that this role was no longer feeding my soul, but service, a big part of what i did in that occupation, certainly did. Maximus offered me the opportunity to pursue that with Him, and after careful consideration, i retired and came to be with Him in our 24/7 CEO/COO D/s relationship.

i know for many my choice makes no sense to them. How could i go from a “position of strength” to a “position of weakness”–essentially throwing away my feminist power? The truth is, i didn’t. i’m not weak, i’m not helpless, i didn’t throw away my power–i discovered how to use my strengths and power in a way that serves both Maximus and me. And i chose it, because i have the power to make choices in my life.

Maximus is my Dominant and i am His submissive, but it is my responsibility to make sure this household runs smoothly and efficiently. i run the tactical side of our house while He runs the strategic side–that is my service to Him. He does not micromanage me, He certainly hasn’t got time for that, and i operate within defined parameters with my autonomy intact, able to make decisions. Maximus desired me for my strength and leadership, someone He could delegate to, and would never want me to be a shrinking violet, requiring huge amounts of direction.

Being His submissive allows me to use my skills, all my non-traditional skills i have acquired and developed throughout my life. And it allows me to embrace my femininity, something i pushed away during my career. To me, it feels more balanced, and i am happier. Does it negate my earlier life? No, i think it honors it, that i can continue to use those skills to help others and myself.

i suppose this is rambling, but the key to it is that this was my choice, not an expectation i bowed down to. This is why i characterize my submission as a gift (which is another area of contention with many others in D/s). First, i am gifted as a submissive, it is my gift or talent, and i use it to serve. Second, it was my choice to give my submission to Maximus, a gift i gave freely and fully, not to be taken back. i believe this is the greatest attribute to feminism, the choice to decide what is best for ourselves, and to do it unapologetically, loud and proud.

Categories: 24/7, balance, BDSM relationship, D/s, Dom/sub, feminism, submissive, submissive housewife, Total Power Exchange, TPE | Tags: | 1 Comment

Updated Contract, Rules, Rituals, and Protocols

love-note-1

i love it when Maximus leaves little love notes for me hidden throughout the house on mornings He leaves for work travel!

Maximus and i have finalized our Contract and Appendix 1-Rules, Rituals, and Protocols that we have been working on this past week. Since i described the changes in details in previous posts (January 2017 Contract Updates, January 2017 Rules Updates, and January 2017 Rituals and Protocols Update), i won’t go into that again, and am simply posting the accepted Contract and Appendix 2. However, there were a couple of changes since my initial journal posts.

Under Fundamental Terms, we removed the requirement for written permission to share details of our relationship dynamic. We do need to discuss and verbally agree prior to sharing this information with others.

There are a few changes in our Rules section:

Sleep: A provision was added to allow for separate sleep in times of illness.

Food: Green juice preparation went from a daily ritual to “as requested”.

Sex: A requirement that i shall be responsible for cleaning and putting away of toys and my leather collar after sex-play was added.

Communication: Maximus added a cue for me to say if He gets distracted, “ADD”, or anxious during communication, in order to snap Him out of it. It doesn’t happen often, but it’s something we’ve noticed during discussing His episodes of chest pain and other stressful topics and He wishes to avoid this.

Financial: Funds request rule was moved to Protocols.

Social Organization: i am to bring my calendar to Happy Half for any schedule updates He’s had during His workday.

Some Rituals changes:

Morning Ritual: i do not have to wait for Maximus to bring me tea in order to get out of bed (this was a miscommunication while we were discussing changes) and if i do get up before Maximus, i am to make His coffee and my tea.

Green juice preparation was moved from Ritual to Rules with the changes noted above.

Dominant’s Traveling Rituals: Maximus added a photo requirement for me while He is traveling, texting a sexy photo each day, using Invisible Ink setting on my iPhone.

At the end, Maximus desired to adjust the language about discipline for any compliance failures i may have of these Rules, Rituals, and Protocol. He felt the language was unnecessarily severe.

i have updated the BDSM Contract and Rules page and am posting a copy of the accepted Contract and Appendix 1 – Rules, Rituals, and Protocols here.

CONTRACT

Made this 1st day of January 2017 (“The Commencement Date”)

BETWEEN

“The Dominant”

“the submissive”

PREAMBLE

1 This contract has been developed under the guidance of an established Relationship Vision defined by the Dominant and the submissive: Growing Old Together (GOT) – a lifelong, harmonious, loving, committed relationship together.

2 This private contract is provided as a binding agreement, which defines in specific terms, the relationship and interaction between the participants. This contract defines the personal relationship structure of the parties and is binding only by the integrity of the parties. This contract in no way supersedes the Laws of the United States. This agreement is entered into voluntarily, both parties being fully informed, consensually, without coercion, or undue influence, with both parties agreeing to the conditions and stipulations set out herein.

THE PARTIES AGREE AS FOLLOWS

3 The following are the terms of a binding contract between the Dominant and the submissive.

FUNDAMENTAL TERMS

4 The fundamental purpose of this contract is to allow both the Dominant and the submissive to explore their sensuality and sexuality, and the submissive’s serviceheart, with due respect and regard for her needs, her limits, and her well-being.

5 The Dominant and the submissive agree and acknowledge that all that occurs under the terms of this contract will be consensual, confidential, and subject to the agreed limits and safety procedures set out in this contract. Additional limits and safety procedures may be agreed in writing. Both parties shall safeguard this unique relationship. Neither can inform others of our D/s dynamic without prior agreement from the other. As this contract is confidential, both parties must agree in the occasion that it is shared with any person(s), in any format, including directing other parties to the submissive’s blog, which is her online journal.

6 The Dominant and the submissive recognize that this relationship is unique to them and is a primary relationship to any other relationship the Dominant or the submissive have with others. They agree that emotional monogamy is required in this relationship. There will be no additional partners brought temporarily or permanently into the relationship.  The submissive will be the Dominant’s only sub; The Dominant shall be the submissive’s only Dom. Furthermore, the submissive shall not take on the position of a Domme or Dominatrix with another party, nor shall the Dominant be taken in as a submissive to another.

7 The Dominant and the submissive each warrant that they suffer from no sexual, serious, infectious, or life-threatening illnesses, including but not limited to HIV, herpes, and hepatitis. If during the Term (as defined below) or any extended term of this contract either party should be diagnosed with or become aware of any such illness, he or she undertakes to inform the other immediately and in any event prior to any form of physical contact between the parties.

8 Adherence to the above warranties, agreements, and undertakings (and any additional limits and safety procedures agreed under clause 7 above) are fundamental to this contract. Any breach shall render it void with immediate effect and each party agrees to be fully responsible to the other for the consequence of any breach.

9 Everything in this contract must be read and interpreted in the light of the fundamental purpose and the fundamental terms set out in clauses 4-8 above.

ROLES

10 Dominant  and submissive  adopt a 24/7 D/s relationship in the style of Chief Executive Officer/Chief Operating Officer (CEO/COO).

11 The Dominant shall take responsibility for the well-being and the proper training, guidance, and discipline of the submissive. He shall decide the nature of such training, guidance, and discipline and the time and place of its administration, subject to agreed terms, limitations, and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above.

12 Subject to that proviso and to clauses 4-8 above, the submissive is to serve and obey the Dominant in all things. Subject to the agreed terms, limitations, and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 8 above, she shall without query or hesitation offer the Dominant such pleasure as he may require and she shall accept without query or hesitation his training, guidance, and discipline in whatever form it may take.

COMMENCEMENT AND TERM

13 The Dominant and submissive enter into this contract on the Commencement Date fully aware of its nature and undertake to abide by its conditions without exception.

14 This contract shall apply in a 24/7 basis and be effective indefinitely.

SERVICE PROVISIONS

15 The following service provisions have been discussed and agreed and will be adhered to by both parties during the Term. Both parties accept that certain matters may arise that are not covered by the terms of this contract or the service provisions, or that certain matters may be renegotiated. Furthermore, it is expected that the Dominant and submissive shall review this contract in its entirety at regular intervals to ensure they understand and agree to its content, rules, and agreed activities.  In such circumstances, further clauses may be proposed by way of amendment. Any further clauses or amendments must be discussed, agreed, documented, and signed by both parties in person and shall be subject to the fundamental terms set out under clauses 4-8 above. Tentatively agreed upon amendments that are awaiting physical agreement shall be followed fully.

DOMINANT

15.1 The Dominant shall make the submissive’s health and safety a priority at all times. The Dominant shall not at any time require, request, allow, or demand the submissive to participate at the hands of the Dominant in the activities detailed in Appendix 2 or in any act that either party deems to be unsafe. The Dominant will not undertake or permit to be undertaken any action which could cause serious injury or any risk to the submissive’s life. The remaining subclauses of this clause are to be read subject to this proviso and to the fundamental matters agreed in clauses 4-8 above.

15.2 The Dominant accepts the submissive as his, to own, control, dominate, and discipline during the Term. The Dominant may use the submissive’s body at any time or in any manner he deems fit, sexually or otherwise.

15.3 The Dominant shall provide the submissive with all necessary training and guidance in how to properly serve the Dominant.

15.4 The Dominant shall maintain a stable and safe environment in which the submissive may perform her duties in service of the Dominant.

15.5 The Dominant may discipline the submissive as necessary to ensure the submissive fully appreciates her role of subservience to the Dominant and to discourage unacceptable conduct. The Dominant may flog or spank the submissive as he sees fit, for purposes of discipline, for his own personal enjoyment, or for any other reason, which he is not obliged to provide.

15.6 In training and in the administration of discipline the Dominant shall ensure that no permanent marks are made upon the submissive’s body nor any injuries incurred that may require medical attention.

15.7 In training and in the administration of discipline the Dominant shall ensure that the discipline and the instruments used for the purposes of discipline are safe, shall not be used in such way as to cause serious harm, and shall not in any way exceed the limits defined and detailed in this contract.

15.8 The Dominant shall never punish the submissive in anger.

15.9 In case of illness or injury the Dominant shall care for the submissive, seeing to her health and safety, encouraging and, when necessary, ordering medical attention when it is judged necessary by the Dominant.

15.10 The Dominant shall maintain his own good health and seek medical attention when necessary in order to maintain a risk-free environment.

15.11 The Dominant shall not give his submissive to another Master or Dominant. The Dominant may direct the submissive to serve another Master or Dominant within the limits of Appendix 2, but the submissive shall not be given as property to that Master or Dominant.

15.12 The Dominant may restrain, handcuff, or bind the submissive at any time for any reason and for extended periods of time, giving due regard to the health and safety of the submissive.

15.13 The Dominant will ensure that all equipment used for the purposes of training and discipline shall be maintained in a clean, hygienic, and safe state at all times.

SUBMISSIVE

15.14 The submissive accepts the Dominant as her Master, with the understanding that she is now the property of the Dominant, to be dealt with as the Dominant pleases during the Term.

15.15 The submissive shall obey the rules, rituals, and protocols (“the Rules, Rituals, and Protocols”) set out in Appendix 1 to this agreement. The Dominant shall also follow the guidelines of the Rules, Rituals, and Protocols to this agreement as they apply to Him.

15.16 The submissive shall serve the Dominant in any way the Dominant sees fit and shall endeavor to please the Dominant at all times to the best of her ability. The submissive will utilize anticipatory service in her service to The Dominant.

15.17 The submissive shall take all measures necessary to maintain her good health and shall request or seek medical attention whenever it is needed, keeping the Dominant informed at all times of any health issues that may arise. This includes mental health as well as physical health.

15.18 The submissive shall accept without question any and all disciplinary actions deemed necessary by the Dominant and remember her status and role in regard to the Dominant at all times.

15.19 The Dominant may, at times, direct the submissive not to touch or pleasure herself sexually without permission from the Dominant.

15.20 The submissive shall submit to any sexual activity demanded by the Dominant and shall do so without hesitation or argument.

15.21 The submissive shall accept floggings, spankings, paddlings, or any other discipline the Dominant should decide to administer, without hesitation, inquiry, or complaint.

15.22 The submissive shall always conduct herself in a respectful manner to the Dominant. The Dominant will direct the submissive how she shall address Him, including Sir, Maximus, or such other title as the Dominant may direct, depending upon the environment and social situation. “Sir” or “Maximus” are not to be used when in the presence of family, vanilla friends, or any other situation which would bring embarrassment or undo negative attention.

15.23 The submissive shall keep a journal documenting the journey of the Dominant and submissive, her thoughts, and feelings. This journal will be online and accessible to the Dominant at all times. The Dominant shall be notified of new postings and any edits of older posts. Old posts shall not be removed by either party unless agreed upon in writing. The submissive shall document any activities and/or discussions as directed by the Dominant, in addition to her regular postings.

ACTIVITIES

16 The submissive shall not participate in activities or any sexual acts that either party deems to be unsafe or any activities detailed in Appendix 2.

17 The Dominant and the submissive have discussed the activities set out in Appendix 2 and recorded in writing on Appendix 2 their agreement in respect of them.

SAFEWORDS

18 The Dominant and the submissive recognize that the Dominant may make demands of the submissive that cannot be met without incurring physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, or other harm at the time the demands are made to the submissive. In such circumstances related to this, the submissive may make use of a safeword (“The Safeword[s]”). Two Safewords will be invoked depending on the severity of the demands.

19 The Safeword “Yellow” will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the submissive is close to her limit of endurance.

20 The Safeword “Red” will be used to bring to the attention of the Dominant that the submissive cannot tolerate any further demands. When this word is said, the Dominant’s action will cease completely with immediate effect.

CONCLUSION

21 We the undersigned have read and understood fully the provisions of this contract. We freely accept the terms of this contract and have acknowledged this by our signatures below.

submissive’s Signature

i have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. i agree to give myself completely to my Dominant, and further accept His claim of ownership over my physical body. i understand that i may be commanded, trained, and punished and i promise to be true and to fulfill the pleasure and desires of my Dominant to the best of my abilities. i understand that i cannot withdraw from this contract except as stated in this contract.

The submissive:

Date:

 

Dominant’s Signature

I have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. I agree to accept this submissive as my property, body, and possessions, and to care for her to the best of my ability. I shall provide for her security and wellbeing and command her, train her, and punish her as a submissive. I understand the responsibility implicit in this arrangement, and agree that no harm shall come to her as long as she is mine. I further understand that I can withdraw from this contract at any time.

The Dominant:

 Date:

APPENDIX 1 – RULES, RITUALS, AND PROTOCOLS

RULES

Obedience:

The submissive’s goal is to please and serve the Dominant under any circumstance and at all times, ensuring that His life runs as smoothly and effectively as possible. This implies that she focuses upon the Dominant – His safety, needs, and desires—through anticipatory service. The submissive should put Him first in any situation as long as that does not put her into any danger. The submissive should never show any sign of anger or frustration, crankiness, or any disruptive behaviors, emotions, or thoughts. The submissive should never show any disagreement with an order or wish from the Dominant. All orders should be promptly complied to and diligently executed. (10-30-12)

The submissive will obey any instructions given by the Dominant immediately without hesitation or reservation and in an expeditious manner. The submissive will agree to any sexual activity deemed fit and pleasurable by the Dominant excepting those activities that are outlined in the hard limits (Appendix 2). She will do so eagerly and without hesitation. (8-19-13)

Kitchen Safety Zone:

The Dominant recognizes the inherent danger related to the cooking environment and will refrain from any activity jeopardizing the safety of either party while the submissive is cooking in the kitchen or other locations. The kitchen is not to be used as an escape refuge by the submissive, however. (10-25-15)

Sleep:

The submissive will ensure that both she and the Dominant achieve adequate sleep and rest. (10-30-12)

The submissive shall sleep in a position in the bed where the Dominant can touch her at all times. (1-1-17)

The submissive and the Dominant shall sleep in the same bed when together, unless there is a temporary health issue precluding such, which will be discussed and agreed upon prior to separate sleeping arrangements. If there are others in the same bed, the submissive shall sleep next to the Dominant and the Dominant shall sleep only next to the submissive. Should the submissive be in a situation of separate play, she shall sleep alone, not with any other parties, unless negotiated prior to engagement. (11-23-15, amended 1-1-17)

The submissive shall don and wear the Dominant’s wrist cuffs to sleep at night whenever He is traveling and away at night. (1-1-17)

Food:

When dining out, the submissive will scan the menu and offer choices that the Dominant would like to choose from. The submissive and Dominant will place their own orders, unless the Dominant communicates otherwise. (11-23-15)

The submissive shall prepare and serve fresh “green” juice for the Dominant when He is at home, at His request.. (4-24-16, amended 1-1-17)

Clothing:

The submissive will wear clothing approved by the Dominant. The Dominant shall accompany the submissive to purchase clothing on an ad hoc basis. If the Dominant so requires, the submissive shall wear adornments the Dominant shall require, in the presence of the Dominant and at any other time the Dominant deems fit. (6-24-13)

The submissive shall not wear a brassiere after 5:30 PM unless social situation dictates otherwise, i.e. family or vanilla friends present, out for evening, etc. (11-23-15)

When traveling by air or train, the submissive shall dress for first class travel, whether or not her fare is indeed booked or upgraded in that class. First class dress shall include high heels, dress pants and blouse, or dress. (11-23-15)

When at home, the submissive is expected to be naked as much as practical. she may be clothed if projects or duties require her to go in and out of the house or if needed for safety/warmth. Lingerie or apron may be worn. Stiletto heels are the shoe of choice. The submissive will procure and keep a wrap-around dress by the front door to quickly don in the case of unexpected visitors. (11-15-16)

The submissive shall sleep naked at all times, except when family or vanilla friends are visiting or we are visiting them. (11-23-15)

The Dominant has collared the submissive. This collar is to be presented by the submissive for placement (as described in the Protocols section) by the Dominant during training, BDSM play, kink events (where appropriate), and when directed by the Dominant. He has also provided a more discreet marking of ownership in the form of a David Yurman link chain ring and necklace, either or both which shall be worn at all times inside and outside the house, except when bathing, sleeping, or housekeeping/projects and exercise make it unsafe to so do. The submissive is the only person in the world permitted to wear the Dominant’s collar or other markings of ownership, none of which shall ever be shared or loaned by the submissive. (1-1-17)

Exercise:

The submissive shall exercise in a manner necessary to maintain and build her level of fitness necessary to participate and be competitive in the athletic events of their choosing. Exercise shall continue to have a priority in her life and the activities under Appendix 2 shall not interfere with training necessary to maintain a competitive edge. (10-30-12)

Personal Hygiene/Beauty:

The submissive will keep herself clean and shaved and/or waxed at all times. The submissive will visit a beauty salon of the Dominant’s choosing at times to be decided by the Dominant and undergo whatever treatments the Dominant sees fit. The costs of those treatments will be met by the Dominant. (10-30-12)

The submissive shall be responsible for the grooming of the Dominant’s ears and nose to keep them free of errant hair. (1-1-17)

Personal Qualities:

The Dominant and the submissive recognize that their behavior is a direct reflection on the other partner. The Dominant and the submissive shall be held accountable for any misdeeds, wrongdoings, and misbehavior committed when not in the presence of each other. (6-24-13)

The submissive will conduct herself with dignity and grace in public. (1-1-17)

Sex:

As a general rule, the submissive’s orgasms are not controlled, unless otherwise communicated, however, should the submissive have orgasms outside of the Dominant’s presence, she shall communicate this to the Dominant. (11-23-15)

The submissive is responsible for maintaining an adequate supply of lubricants, all types and for all purposes. Failing to maintain supply may mean intercourse without the aid of lubricant and cannot be cause for denial of sexual use by the Dominant or others. (1-1-17)

The submissive shall be responsible for pickup, cleaning, and putting away of sex toys and leather collar after play. (1-1-17)

Swinging:

The Dominant and the submissive desire to continue swinging activities together rather than separately; however, separate play may be negotiated prior to engagement. Sexual relations with others shall be conducted in a manner that shall not expose risk to the health and safety of either partner in this Agreement. The Dominant and the submissive shall maintain joint accounts on such Internet services such as Adult Friend Finder, Kasidie,  Swing Lifestyles, etc. and individual accounts on FetLife (linked to each other) for swing and kink play. Neither party shall cancel, close, delete, or suspend any joint online account for any reason unless mutually agreed upon. (10-30-12)

Communication:

In general, the submissive is always expected to speak and express herself in a respectful manner, whether she is talking to the Dominant or anyone else. (11-23-15)

The Dominant and the submissive shall function with a philosophy of “over-communication.” Outside relationships will be discussed fully and proactively. All inquiries from either party shall be answered fully and honestly. All calendars, written or electronic, shall be maintained and accessible to either party. (11-19-12)

Either party may request access to an individual email account at any time for reason that must be explained to the account owner. The account owner will sit with the other party, login, and be present for the evaluation to witness the viewing and answer any questions that may arise.  These inquiries are not expected to occur frequently, if at all. The same rules apply to all other communication devices as well. (1-1-15)

Both parties agree to work through disagreements using the Imago Dialogue process rather than dissolve this agreement. Dialogues shall begin and end with the spoken words, “I/i love Y/you.” The Dominant and the submissive agree not to yell at any time. Safewords may be used to communicate frustration level to the other party. Either party may request a break from discussions in order to avoid pushing frustration levels to a point of yelling; this break will not be indefinite, but have specific time parameters indicating when discussions shall proceed again. It is also understood that at times, circumstances of life and work may not allow for immediate discussion. In these cases, the parties will set a specific time to have focused discussion with each other, free of distractions and allowing for private communication. (1-1-13)

Both the Dominant and the submissive recognize that humor can cut both ways, in that things spoken or written that might be funny to one person may be perceived as hurtful to the other. This contract, rules, and appendices and content, are not to be the subject of jokes. (1-1-13)

Serious discussions surrounding this contract, rules, or contents, and/or the relationship between the Dominant and submissive shall not take place while either party is driving a vehicle. Both parties recognize that this is not a safe activity. (1-1-13)

The Dominant requests that the submissive use the phrase, “Focus, Sir” should He become distracted or anxious during communication. (1-1-17)

The submissive must express her feelings, wants, state of health, likes, and dislikes at all times. She is free to express those needs consistent with her position, expressing not demanding. (1-1-17)

Any errors or breaches of this contract by the Dominant do not abrogate the submissive’s obligations provided for herein. The submissive may request a discussion, but should not expect an apology from the Dominant for any perceived, or real error, or omissions. Acceptance of this contract is sufficient for the submissive to understand the Dominant’s intent is to provide a safe, healthy structure and life for the submissive and that errors are reflective of the human condition, not motivated by malfeasance, or desire to harm the submissive. The submissive accepts any errors on an ad hoc basis. (1-1-17)

Tough Love Clause:

The submissive has the right to invoke this clause if she strongly believes she must intervene in the Dominant’s best interest. This gives the submissive freedom to speak her mind without being disrespectful. The submissive must announce that she is invoking this clause, state her case calmly and respectfully, allow questions and/or discussion, and accept the Dominant’s ultimate decision on the matter. The Dominant trusts that this clause will only be utilized when absolutely necessary for His well-being, not as a tool for the submissive to control the relationship. (11-23-15)

Travel:

The submissive shall not cause travel delays to the Dominant or any other traveler due to her dress. For example, should her shoes contain metal shanks and have to come off for TSA scanning, even in TSA pre-check, she should be prepared to do so without delaying others. She should be prepared to don her shoes again without delaying the Dominant. (11-23-15)

The submissive shall be polite and courteous while traveling, not blocking or delaying other travelers, therefore, the rule regarding door entry may be suspended when navigating through airports or other travel depots. (11-23-15)

The submissive will not pack the Dominant’s bags for travel unless expressly requested—the Dominant prefers to pack His own luggage. (1-1-17)

Financial

The financial agreements documented in the legal cohabitation agreement between the Dominant and the submissive will apply. (11-23-15)

The submissive shall be responsible for the payment of all utilities and other bills the Dominant so requests. (1-1-17)

The submissive shall track annual state sales tax using the spreadsheet He created, taxable donations, and rental property finances for our joint tax requirements. The submissive shall also accompany the Dominant to all meetings with the tax accountant. (1-1-17)

Annual Goals:

The Dominant and the submissive will annually prepare a list of goals. The submissive will be responsible for monitoring progress, reporting quarterly to the Dominant. (11-23-15)

Training:

The Dominant will schedule submissive training as needed. (4-24-16)

Housekeeping:

Household tasks will be distributed between the Dominant and the submissive at the Dominant’s discretion. Any housework done by the Dominant at His own volition shall not be perceived as a failure by the submissive or subject to punishment, unless the Dominant is completing a task the submissive had been directed to do and failed to complete. (1-1-17)

The Dominant willingly participates in the following housekeeping tasks, although they do not preclude the submissive from doing these tasks: laundry (all aspects, including dropping off and picking up dry cleaning), vacuuming/sweeping, mowing the lawn, blowing out the garage. (1-1-17)

The Dominant desires to own the following tasks, unless He deems them punishment tasks for the submissive: cleaning His own car, cleaning toilets, final cleanup of dishes and kitchen after the submissive prepares dinner. (1-1-17)

Social Organization:

The submissive is responsible for maintaining our social calendar and making suggests for social outings. she will bring her calendar to Happy Half in order to make any schedule updates that have occurred during the Dominant’s workday. (1-1-17)

The submissive is responsible for making social contacts and responding to messages in any and all of our online social networks, as well as email and text. (1-1-17)

The submissive shall maintain an Entertainment Journal that records guests (vanilla and kink) we have hosted, what was served, what we wore, entertainment provided, which room they slept in, etc. In addition, the submissive will track preferences of any and all of our guests in terms of allergies, special needs, favorite beverages, etc., in order to best host them. (1-1-17)

RITUALS

Morning Ritual:

When the Dominant is home, He will bring tea to the submissive at her bedside if still in bed. Once up, she shall promptly make the bed (or strip it if it is time for weekly laundering) and find the Dominant to greet Him for the day. If the submissive arises before the Dominant, she shall make coffee for the Dominant and bring to His bedside and make tea for herself. (1-1-17)

The Dominant and the submissive will begin each day exchanging “Good morning” and “I/i love You/you.” If either the Dominant or the submissive is traveling and physically away from the other, the communication may occur via telephone or text message. (11-23-15)

Focus Ritual:

Whenever the submissive has left the home for any period of time, upon her return, immediately after greeting the Dominant (when He is home), she shall inform Him she is going to have a time for focus, retire to the Master’s bedroom, and spend at least five minutes re-focusing back into her D/s relationship with the Dominant, thus releasing all angst and frustration in order to best serve Him. (1-1-17)

Happy Half Ritual:

The Dominant wishes to conclude His business day at 5:30 PM. In order to achieve this, the submissive shall notify the Dominant at 5:00 PM and serve drinks at 5:30 PM for the transition from work to home. The typical transition period will be approximately 30 minutes, termed “Happy Half,” for discussion and drinks to allow the Dominant to unwind from His day prior to dinner. (4-24-16)

Bedtime Ritual:

Before retiring to bed, the submissive shall prepare the coffee pot for the Dominant’s morning coffee, and set out her desired tea and fill the kettle in preparation for her morning tea. (1-1-17)

The submissive will prepare the Dominant’s bed whenever He is retiring to sleep. All decorative pillows will be removed from the bed and stored, His quilt will be spread over His side if He is desiring it, the covers and top sheet folded back for entry, His bed pillow set flat, and pillow for propping under His legs tucked between the sheets at the level of His knees. His bedside lamp will be turned on. (1-1-17)

The Dominant and the submissive will conclude each day with “Good night” and “I/i love You/you.” If either the Dominant or the submissive is traveling and physically away from the other, the communication may occur via telephone or text message. (11-23-15)

Greeting Rituals:

The submissive shall always greet the Dominant with a kiss and a smile, whether in private or public, if they have been apart. (1-1-17)

Whenever the Dominant is coming home from business travel, whether by air or car, the following greetings will occur, based upon His time of arrival.

Before 9 PM: the submissive shall don an outfit of His choosing (may be one of several preset selections), prepare the drink that He requests by telephone or text on His way home, and wait in the living room. The Dominant will enter the house, go into His office to drop off His things, check correspondence, and come to the submissive in the living room. At His command, the submissive will follow Him upstairs to the Master’s bedroom to sit and visit with Him while He unpacks and prepares His bags for a future trip.

Between 9-11 PM: the submissive shall don an outfit of His choosing (may be one of several preset selections) or a robe (should she have retired to bed already) when He notifies her by telephone or text that He is on His way home, and wait in the living room. The Dominant will enter the house, go into His office to drop off His things, and come to the submissive in the living room. At His command, the submissive will follow Him upstairs to the Master’s bedroom where He may or may not unpack.

After 11 PM: the submissive may remain in bed, should she have retired already. If she has not retired to bed, the 9-11 PM ritual shall apply. If she has retired to bed, she shall prepare the Dominant’s bed and leave entry and closet lights on in preparation for His return home before retiring herself. (1-1-17)

Dominant’s Traveling Rituals:

While the Dominant is traveling, the submissive shall text at least one sexy photo of herself every day using the invisible ink function on her iPhone to the Dominant’s personal phone. (1-1-17)

PROTOCOLS

When entering into the awareness of the Dominant, such as into His office while He is working, the submissive is to lightly knock on the door and await response from the Dominant for entry. Should the Dominant not respond to the knock, the submissive may knock again for response. (4-24-16)

In public situations, the submissive shall walk beside the Dominant unless the Dominant signals or communicates otherwise. The submissive shall wait for the Dominant to open doors for her, other than restroom and car doors, which may or may not be opened by the Dominant for her. (4-24-16)

The submissive shall wait for the Dominant to open the car door for her, if she is a passenger, except for when entering or leaving the car in the garage at home, due to obstruction. (1-1-17)

When walking on sidewalks or adjacent to vehicle traffic, the submissive shall walk on the inside, with the Dominant walking adjacent to traffic. (4-24-16)

When presenting the Dominant with an item, they are to be gently presented with two hands, palms up, when possible, presenting and holding until it is accepted or directed to be set down. (1-1-17)

When the submissive is to be collared with her leather collar for training, scenes, or at any other direction of the Dominant, she shall kneel upright, and present her collar in both palms in front of her. After the Dominant receives the collar from her, the submissive shall place her hands on the back of her head, holding her hair up off of her neck for placement of the collar by the Dominant. After the collar is place, she shall remain kneeling and place her palms on both thighs, awaiting next instruction. (1-1-17)

Should the submissive require funds, she will present the Dominant with an itemized request by kneeling before Him and presenting it in her outstretched hands. The submissive will perform whatever request the Dominant has at that time in order to receive the requested funds. (11-23-15, amended 1-1-17)

Failure to comply with any of the above rules, rituals, or protocols may result in discipline.­­­­­­

Categories: BDSM contract, BDSM relationship, communication, D/s, Dom/sub, M/s, protocols, rituals, rules, Total Power Exchange, TPE | Tags: | 4 Comments

January 2017 Contract Updates

contract

As i noted yesterday, after reading Devil In The Details III – The Art of Mastery- A Mentoring Trilogy: Volume III “Sustainable Structure & Training” part of The Devil in the Details: the Art of Mastery series by LT Morrison, we had some things we wanted to update in our contract.

First, was that we didn’t have our Relationship Vision in it, which we realize was a big omission. When we went to the D/s discussion group and discussed contracts, i noticed that the submissives that had contracts mentioned that their relationship vision was included in theirs, and the book talked about the importance of having that defined in the contract as well. So we have added our relationship vision to the Fundamental Terms of our contract in a Preamble. We also included the manner in which this contract was developed, should it ever get into hands of family who might misunderstand it.

While we did have a statement that included confidentiality of “all that occurs under the terms of this contract,” we didn’t really have an overt confidentiality clause. Confidentiality hasn’t been an issue for us, but we both felt it needed a bit more weight. We are adding this to our contract, including requiring permission to inform others of our D/s dynamic prior to disclosure.

Next, as we’ve been reading and attending a M/s, D/s, TPE relationship discussion group, we are narrowing down on our relationship dynamic. i know it seems strange to keep adjusting this, but we discover more about ourselves all the time, and it requires some adjustment to our contract. For us, we are somewhere on the continuum between M/s and D/s. Maximus desires me to have free will, therefore not a slave, but i do consider Him my Master and possessed/owned by Him. Since we are not truly a M/s dynamic, we are changing all references from M/s to D/s. Does it change our relationship? No. It simply is a clerical change as not to misconstrue our dynamic when others read our contract.

Punishment is a difficult area for Maximus. i believe i’ve journalled before that He is not completely comfortable with punishment as discipline, and didn’t even spank His children when they were growing up. As we have a CEO/COO arrangement, physical punishment just doesn’t seem to fit, in His mind, but it is an option in our contract that is NOT going away. However, we are adding a clause that the Dominant shall never punish the submissive in anger.

Finally, we really appreciated the statements Morrison had at the signature lines of his contracts. It seemed a fitting conclusion to the contract and reiterates what is being signed.

For the submissive:

i have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. i agree to give myself completely to my Dominant, and further accept His claim of ownership over my physical body. i understand that i may be commanded, trained, and punished and i promise to be true and to fulfill the pleasure and desires of my Dominant to the best of my abilities. i understand that i cannot withdraw from this contract except as stated in this contract.

For the Dominant:

I have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. I agree to accept this submissive as my property, body, and possessions, and to care for her to the best of my ability. I shall provide for her security and well-being and command her, train her, and punish her as a submissive. I understand the responsibility implicit in this arrangement, and agree that no harm shall come to her as long as she is mine. I further understand that I can withdraw from this contract at any time.

These are the changes to our base contract. There are significantly more changes/additions to our rules, which are in Appendix 1. In addition, we have protocols and rituals that need to be broken out of the rules section. i will address these in the next journal post.

Categories: 24/7, BDSM contract, communication, D/s, Dom/sub, LT Morrison, M/s, Relationship Vision, TPE | Tags: | 1 Comment

Contract and Rules Updated

signing contract

One the the goals we had for our trip to Hawaii was to update our contract to reflect our M/s dynamic and incorporate rules we have and others Maximus wished to incorporate.  We’d talked a lot about the changes over the past month but we just needed some quiet time together in order to document them.

The final document has been uploaded on the BDSM Contract & Rules page, but i wanted to go through and talk about some of the specific changes we made and how they came about. We’ve had several amendments to our contract over the past three years and i don’t think i’ve ever documented changes from the original. i won’t talk about all three years of changes, just what we did with this amendment.

Fundamental Terms

Under Fundamental Terms, we added subsmissive’s serviceheart to the fundamental purpose of this agreement. It was always an aspect to our D/s and M/s, my need for providing service, but it’d not been documented. The Roles section was amended to include the description of our dynamic:

The Dominant (Master) and submissive (slave-slut) adopt a 24/7 Master/slave-slut (M/s) relationship in the style of Chief Executive Officer/Chief Operating Officer (CEO/COO).

It has taken us quite some time to figure this out and it was important to document it.

Commencement and Term

The Term of this contract changed as well. It has always had an expiration date, generally our GOT (Growing Old Together) anniversary (see GOT and  1st GOT Day). However, an expiration date does not match with the meaning of GOT and the essence of our relationship. It bothered me that our contract expired every year. We have clauses for review and amending the contract, so the expiration is not necessary for us.  We also added that this dynamic is 24/7, something we were living but had not documented.

Dominant

There was one change under the Dominant section. We have both struggled with the wording of 12.10 even though we understood the intention of that line item. While i am Maximus’ property, we both wanted a clause that protected me from ever being the property of anyone else. Initially we had that i could not be loaned to another Dominant, but we’ve done that a couple of times, as was the case in Eagle Scout flogging me; and really swinging is just that, Maximus loaning me to have sexual relations with others, including those with dominant sexual characteristics. But, what we really want to say is i cannot be given as property to another Master.

Submissive

Anticipatory service was added under the Submissive section. This is a very important aspect of my service, something i love to do and something Maximus very much appreciates. my goal is to make Maximus’ life run “as smoothly and effectively as possible,” as now noted under our Rules, and anticipatory service best achieves that. It would be distracting and disruptive for Maximus to have to direct and micromanage me, and a good COO utilizes leadership and decision making  so that the business operation runs according to the values and expectations of the CEO. This is what i do.

The final change in the contract reflects a greater emphasis on me addressing Maximus as “Sir,” but not in the presence of family, vanilla friends, or during other times that would bring negative attention to us. This was after much discussion and adding a little bit more formality but not implementing formal protocol, which Maximus does not have a lot of interest in.

Rules

There were more changes in our Rules, actually, additions. We’ve been operating with a lot of rules that had never been documented.

Obedience. As noted above, my goal of enhancing Maximus’ life was documented. In addition, it outlines negative behaviors that should be avoided, something Maximus believes i struggle with. i believe i am doing so much better on this than before, and i appreciate why it’s there.

Sleep. Maximus wanted to include that i ensure that He gets adequate rest and sleep, not just myself, as i am usually more aware of His needs in this area than He is. We also documented what i have been doing for years, preparing Maximus’ bed at night.

Also in this section is a clarification on sleeping arrangements with others. Maximus has no problem with us sleeping with others (actually sleeping, not a euphemism for sex), but He only wants to sleep next to me in those situations, no one else. He feels sleeping between me and another person dilutes His connection with me. In addition, while i don’t have a desire to play separately and Maximus does not wish to play separately Himself, He does encourage me to do so, but with the stipulation that i sleep (again sleep, not sex) alone when i ever do play separate.

Food. Again, documenting things we already do. i have been making green juice for Maximus most mornings and He recently requested that this be done every morning He is home. i don’t have to do it when He’s leaving for the airport at 4AM or if we’re traveling and don’t have access to a juicer. Additionally, Maximus has been working on a more “vegan-ish” diet when eating out and has requested that i help Him with menus by letting Him know what options are available for Him to order.

Clothing. He has had a rule since before i came into the picture that bras must be removed by 5:30 PM at His home. This had never been documented in our contract, and this amendment fixes that. There are exceptions to this rule in regards to the presence of family and friends, etc., and it also applies when we are on vacations.

Another rule we’ve operated under is my attire while traveling. i have always had to dress for first class travel, regardless of our fare class. Maximus looks for “Best of Show” when at airports or hotels, and it is His wish that i am “Best of Show” when i am traveling, whether i am with Him or not. Shoes are a particularly important aspect in determining show status, and my shoes must be selected accordingly for travel.

Sex. Maximus has not limited my orgasms to only Him, i.e., i am allowed to masterbate and orgasm. However, He recently required that i notify Him immediately if i do masterbate and/or orgasm away from Him and then document it in my journal. It has pretty much stopped my masterbation, though, and i know that is not His intention. i need to not be afraid of having to notify Him and journal about masterbating and orgasming away from Him.

Swinging. Again, Maximus would love for me to play separately even though He does not wish to do this Himself. This is reiterated in this section. Maximus has had several bad experiences with playing separately, especially with women who misunderstand sex vs. love, therefore He has chosen not to play separate to avoid unnecessary drama in His life.

Communication. Speaking in a respectful manner was added as well as documenting our morning salutations and evening valedictions that we have operated under for years.

Tough Love Clause. This is a very important addition to our contract. i actually used this before we ever discussed it.

This summer while we were preparing our backyard for installation of patio pavers, Maximus came around the house with a pick-axe and began to use that tool while barefooted. i was horrified! i politely asked Him to stop and put on a pair of shoes to protect His feet. He returned with sandals. i again asked that He put on real shoes, something that would keep Him from cutting off His toes should the pick-axe slip and strike His feet. He was incredulous and said it was fine. i replied i was going into the house and wasn’t going to be out here working if He wore sandals because i was not interested in watching Him cut off His toes. i’d never stood up to Him like this before, but i was really concerned about this poor decision and wanted to protect Him from it.

Well, He was irate about this! i’ve NEVER seen Him so upset with me!! He threw down the pick-axe, swore all the way into the house, slammed the back door. i stood there shocked, scared, even, about deliberately confronting Him. But He returned, carrying the largest, hottest pair of work boots He could find to wear in the 90-degree heat. i quietly remarked that He didn’t need such heavy boots, athletic shoes would suffice, but He insisted on wearing them. i let the battle end there and never mentioned it again as He wore those boots for the remaining weeks of our project.

Well fast-forward to a month ago. i’d pretty much forgotten about this. We were at a wine tasting with Swimmer Guy and his wife when the topic of “wives often knowing what’s best for husbands whether they like it or not,” came up. And to my shock and surprise, Maximus started telling this story, but added how He had actually hit His boot-clad feet four times during the project, so hard that He knew that He would probably have sustained great injury had i not insisted He wear Goddamned shoes, and hoped i had not seen it happen. Well i hadn’t! And certainly, i would not have gloated about it if i had.

We hadn’t thought about codifying this until i recently listened to Kayla Lords Loving BDSM podcast. One of her podcasts addressed Adding a Tough Love Clause to a D/s Relationship. i listened to it, but did not talk to Maximus about it until after He had listened to it as well. He brought up the pick-axe situation and explained that while He did not like it, He knows it was difficult for me to do and necessary for His health and safety. So, the Tough Love clause was added. And, i used it only once since we talked about it, before this vacation, only because it was really necessary–but it is not something i expect to use very often.

Interaction. While we don’t have formal protocol, i did feel like i needed some guidance on entering His office while He is working. i never know whether He is on a conference call without a muted line, deeply concentrating, or just sitting there! i needed a guideline for entering the room and announcing my presence without interrupting. He first suggested that i just walk in and stand next to Him, but i’ve done that and startled Him when He’s not heard me enter and then scared Him when He looked over, not knowing i was right next to Him! Lightly knocking and waiting for entry works the best for us.

Door opening and position when walking on sidewalks just codified something we’ve always done. While i am submissive and slave-slut, Maximus is a gentleman and cannot and will not undo His mother’s training.

Travel. Again, codifying existing behavior requirements. The clothing requirement caused some run-ins with TSA precheck as many of my heels have steel shanks. TSA precheck allows you to wear shoes during the scanning, but steel shank shoes triggers the alarm and requires an exit, doffing of shoes, and rescan–something that causes delay for me, Maximus, and worst of all, other travelers. Maximus cannot stand it when people delay other travelers and will not condone this of me. Therefore, i need to remove my shoes, even for TSA precheck, to avoid this, and do this without delaying others due to buckles or straps. Once through the scan, i need to quickly don my shoes again without delay. i pride myself of going through TSA and waiting for HIM at the end, ready to go.

Financial. We have several legal documents outlining finances, so it was not necessary to list it all here other than to note those documents apply. Additionally, this codified how i receive funds from Maximus and the fact that we will be working on a monthly budget, something i have requested since i moved in.

Annual Goals. This again is codifying something we already do, but Maximus wants me to be responsible for monitoring them and meeting quarterly to make sure we stay on track, rather than our haphazard review.

Signing the Contract

As is our tradition, we renew our contract when in Hawaii (see Renewed). i don’t think i journaled about our last contract renewal in Hawaii, however.

We have a special beach and tree where we sign our contracts. Our beach is at Kiholo Bay and we sign beneath a kiawe tree, a Hawaiian mesquite. The kiawefirst year, the tree was beautiful, leafy. Sadly, the second year, the tree looked very sad and like it might die, which is rare for kiawe trees, known for living up to a thousand years. Well, this year, yes, the tree has died! i was so sad and asked Maximus, “What do You think this means for us?” He replied, “That tree gave its life to us, so that our love and relationship live a thousand years.” Wow.

So we signed our contract under our beloved kiawe tree. Renewed again, for a thousand years…or more.

And we did something special to commemorate this signing, something i won’t be able to share for couple of weeks.

kiawe night

Beautiful kiawe tree under stars. Image from Big Island Traveler.

Categories: 24/7, BDSM contract, BDSM relationship, Kayla Lords, Loving BDSM Podcast, M/s, Total Power Exchange, TPE | Leave a comment

Who are we?

question-marksIt’s been a hard year for me, maybe not hard/difficult, but a disappointing struggle. But it wasn’t about Maximus, not about our relationship, not about me retiring and moving in with Him into a 24/7 M/s situation, but with my body. i’ve just never recovered from getting the uterine fibroids and hysterectomy to remove them–my body never came back, despite trying to force it back into shape, both physically and endurance-wise. i was afraid to admit it, but finally a few months ago i resigned to the fact that something was wrong with me. Long story short (will be another journal entry), after seeing several doctors, i have a poorly functioning thyroid gland, barely functioning adrenal glands, and a previously unknown genetic predisposition (due to two mutations) for this. i’m not lazy or crazy! i am starting the path to recovery, and hopeful things will improve over the next few months.

my health didn’t just impact me, however. Maximus has struggled on how to help, what to say or not say, whether to hold us to our M/s or not. He finally decided to just let the M/s go for a while, including BDSM play and vanilla sex. Unfortunately, i was not aware of this and only felt Him pulling away. This only made me feel worse, thinking that He was not desiring me. i finally asked why He wasn’t interested in me and we talked about what was going on. i had just come to the conclusion that i needed to see a specialist about my health, so we had a very frank and open conversation about everything.

What we really want, both of us, is to get back into our M/s. Really, we’ve not strayed too far out of it, i’ve operated on the assumption of service, it’s just that Maximus did not feel comfortable with me in my state to be very forceful or strict about my training. There were many days i just didn’t feel well and my attitude reflected that, which Maximus didn’t deal with. Right or wrong, it’s what happened.

Last week we reviewed our contract, which prompted a lot of great discussions. One thing that came up was the question, “Who are we?” We both want M/s, my serviceheart desires that, but Maximus just is not comfortable with the aspect of physical discipline we tend to see and read about with M/s relationships (don’t get me wrong, Maximus loves physical BDSM, but physically punishing me for something i have done incorrectly or for discipline in my service is not the leader He is. It caused us concern that perhaps we weren’t doing it right or perhaps it’s not what we really mean when we say M/s. So Maximus has tasked me with researching M/s relationships to investigate how we fit into it, what we need to do, contract adjustments, protocols, etc.

So far, the research has been fascinating! i’m re-reading things i/we read in the past when we were preparing for my move up and our 24/7 M/s, and i’ve found some other things that are very insightful and helpful. i will be journalling about this as we go through this process to re-establish our M/s.

Categories: 24/7, adrenal fatigue, BDSM relationship, D/s, hypothyroidism, M/s, Total Power Exchange, TPE | Leave a comment

Blog at WordPress.com.

nijntje & The Bear

Dragons, Warriors and rabbits - The complex simplicity of my freedom under His domination.

Diary of seven

Diary of sub trying to survive in a modern dating world

Imani Sims

Curator & Person of Letters

Babygirl's Story Time

Memoirs of a DDLG Couple

submissy

Married submissive: The love, the kink and the connection.

20ishfeministblog.wordpress.com/

A website for the modern feminist

Active Submission

Because it shouldn't be passive.

CinnamonAndSparkles

If I had a power color, it would be sparkle. Landon Brinkley

The Bee hive

The World of Princess Bee

Domestic Discipline, Jenny style!

Unconventional journey to unimaginable fulfillment.

InnThrall: Seattle’s Kinky B&B

Private, Sex-Positive, Romantic Getaway

Lifestyle Wives

DIMINISHING THE STIGMA OF NON-MONOGAMY: WEBSITE FOR SWINGERS

The Beautiful Kind

A submissive's journal

Thrill of the Chaste

Personal experiences in the world of Male Chastity

On The Wet Coast

A submissive's journal

A Sexual Being

Where the lines of fantasy and reality blur…

TMI Tuesday blog

A confessional where people come to reveal too much information--sexy secrets, dirty deeds, and more.