Spreader bar

Training Day 15NOV16

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While we were at Desire, Maximus and i had a lot of discussion about how things were going with our D/s, including needs, wants, where we could improve, what needed changing, etc. It was a great conversation to have because we really had put D/s on the back burner while we dealt with issues regarding a huge neighborhood debacle, searching for a new place, renting out our condo, and then moving into our new home.

i wouldn’t say we stopped our D/s, as we continued our CEO/COO roles (especially as i worked the transition from one home to another), but the sexual/sensual aspect really slowed down, nearly to a halt. We continued to have Happy Half most days in order to catch up with each other and give Maximus a time to wind down, but my training stopped, we didn’t review the contract, Maximus didn’t reinforce rules when i failed to obey them, and we rarely had sex. Frankly, we were both emotionally beat from the neighborhood issues, even to the point where Maximus’ health was affected. At Maximus’ request, after He’d been given a clean bill of health and it was determined that His issues were stress-related, i found Him a kink-aware counselor to help Him manage the stress of the situation. She’s been magnificent! (By the way, here is where i have found kink-aware professionals when we’ve needed them from time to time: National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.)  So it suffices to say that we just didn’t have the capacity to really focus on D/s.

However, i will say, and Maximus is very upfront about this, we were able to stay together throughout an extremely stressful period that could have easily fractured most couples. Not only did we not come apart, we grew closer and stronger because of it. This was something new for both of us. i won’t say we didn’t have any conflict throughout this time, we did, and this is the area where i strayed from my rules, but it was nowhere near what it could have been and certainly was nowhere near any of the conflict we had at the beginning of our D/s relationship.

We both agreed that the first thing we needed to do was to review our contract, to make sure we had a solid foundation, and restart my training, to break the bad habits i had developed over the past year. Initially we planned contract review at Desire, but then felt there would be too many distractions and not enough private space for us to really focus on something so important. It was a good choice.

Maximus asked me to prepare a space for contract review to coincide with Happy Half (i’m not sure i’ve gone into detail about Happy Half other than a notation in a post about a prior contract review, so i’ll make sure to go into detail about this in a future entry). He also instructed me to prepare our bedroom for a scene after training was completed, including waterproofing our mattress, ensuring bed restraints were accessible, and assembling cuffs, spring links, spreader bars, clover nipple clamps, two Hitachi wands, img_1226gags, blindfold, crop, and lube. i happily went off to do this and returned to Him naked, wearing only my Christian Louboutin heels He bought for me in Paris, to let Him know the tasks had been completed. He’d initially planned to start our training in an hour an a half, but appearing naked, He immediately moved up our training time! (Note: One of the things that Maximus has requested since i moved in two years ago was that i spend as much time as practical being naked and clad in stilettos. But because we lived in a condo adjacent to a community pond and dealing with neighborhood issues, i was not comfortable in doing this. Our new home affords us much more privacy and upon returning from Desire, where we were naked most of the time, i have been more able to comply with Maximus’ direction). i prepared a bottle of champagne and two flutes, two copies of our contract, pens, and my collar, which Maximus secured upon the commencement of my training.

We had great discussion while reviewing our contract. First, we had to update our address! He commended me on remembering to address Him as Sir or Maximus, after He’d corrected me when i had failed to do so in a Tweet prior to our trip to Desire.

tweet-and-textWe discussed finding a community here like we have with the Swingset group at Desire and how to go about doing that. i was tasked with updating our Fetlife profiles and finding munches/classes to go to in order to meet like-minded others. And tasked with re-establishing contacts in swinging as well. We talked about the troubles we’d had in finding others in BDSM in the past (mostly trepidation on our part) and that we just needed to “get over ourselves” and do it. This led into going over how we play with others, my ownership and His dedication to me. i will not be given away as property to another Dom/me, rather loaned to serve/play in a scene as He is comfortable with at His will, with my ability to request; and that He will not take on other submissives or become submissive to another. And we had quite a discussion on polyamory, which i will discuss in another posting (we are not polyamorous).

Maximus was very pleased that i was spending more time naked while at home. We discussed the parameters of this and that i was to be naked as much as practical, that is, if i am working on projects that require me to go in and out of the house, have multiple errands during the day, guests scheduled, or doing something that it is safer to be clothed, i do not have to go in and out of a clothed state–i am to wear clothing as not to interfere with getting my tasks done in those cases. An apron, sexy lingerie, silky robe may be worn and while stilettos are His preferred choice of footwear for me, He understands that this can be an issue going up and down our hardwood stairs all day. His preference is that i am in stilettos for Happy Half when i am naked. And i was instructed to find a wrap-around dress that i can keep by the front door and quickly don should i need to answer the door, as it would not be appropriate for me to answer the door in a silky bathrobe.

We deferred going through my BDSM checklist until our next training as our review had already taken an hour and a half.

We then had our scene. Maximus led me upstairs and i knelt on my kneeling pillow. He applied my cuffs to my wrists, blindfolded me, inserted the ball gag and instructed me to tap my right hand on the bed for my safeword since i would not be able to speak. He then took me to standing, applied the clover nipple clamps, took off my shoes, and positioned me on my back on the bed. my wrists were secured to the bed restraint system, cuffs applied to my ankles, spreader bar secured and restrained spread eagle. Maximus cropped my breasts and clit, fingered me so i squirted over and over. He then brought the spreader bar holding my ankles up to my wrists and secured me, exposing my pussy. Unfortunately, i had squirmed up against the headboard, unbeknownst to Maximus and positioning me this way jammed my head to the side and into my chest, giving me a sensation of choking against my collar. i tried to overcome this feeling, but i had made a mistake in putting two Liberator blankets on the bed over the waterproof sheeting, velvet side up, and i’d gotten really warm because of it, which was causing me to overheat and feel suffocated. i had to tap out and while i tried to stay calm, i got a little anxious because i’d waited too long to safeword. Maximus did a wonderful job of getting my mouth and neck free of the gag ball and collar so i could communicate that i needed to be pulled away from the headboard. Maximus also discovered that my squirming had not only pushed me into the padded leather headboard, but that it had caused the tail end of my collar to come out and bind behind my neck, causing the collar to feel tighter.

i was upset that i’d had to safeword out. i really hate that as i fear that i am disappointing Maximus. And, i was really looking forward to the play while being restrained all-fours on the spreader bar. But Maximus was thrilled with the play we’d had, especially the copious amount of white cum i’d sprayed all over, which was dripping down the headboard!

i don’t know why i used the Liberator blankets over the plastic sheeting. Normally i put it under a fitted cotton bed sheet, which is so much cooler. Mistake from not having a scene for several months. But a great learning experience to apply in future scenes.

Maximus freed me from all the restraints and left the clover clamps to last. It is always excruciating to have those removed! Maximus allowed me to curl into Him as He removed the first one, causing me to scream. He loves to cup and squeeze my breast after He removes the clamps, which make it even more painful–but so, so good! The second one came off the same way. And i had such beautiful bite marks (that itched for days as they healed, a constant reminder of Him)!

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Categories: 24/7, BDSM contract, breast torture, Christian Louboutin Red Bottomed Shoes, D/s, nipple clamps, Spreader bar, training | Leave a comment

Ending a Chapter & Spread’em

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Maximus and i had our greatly anticipated joint session with Fern the other day. It went really well. We also had some great discussion on the way to the appointment. We both feel very good about where we are, how far we’ve come, what we’ve learned about ourselves and each other. At this point, i am wanting to take off the training wheels and not have weekly scheduled appointments with Fern, just as needed, which i think will be fairly infrequent. Maximus has learned a lot from His solo sessions with Fern and would like to work with her one-on-one more. my intention is to be supportive and present for Him while He does this, as He was for me when i went through my work.

We have some homework, which is to work on a relationship vision. Fern will be sending the assignment to us next week to work on. We are both very interested in this.

Maximus is also interested in delving more into the D/s aspect of our relationship with Fern, to better understand the psychology of it, and also to learn how to incorporate this aspect that works very well for us into the other aspects of our relationship. We had some really good discussion with her, especially in regards to how our style of D/s differs from others we read about. i don’t have any issue with that, Maximus is, intrigued, i think, by this and wanting to make sure we are interpreting our kink correctly. During our discussion, Maximus noted that He was not sure that commanding me, “No!” or “Stop!” during conflicts would be appropriate and was concerned that with D/s that was the expectation. Fern shared that in some relationships that might work, but in others it might lead to increased conflict by the submissive feeling unable to express themselves and unheard. i shared with them that my feeling was that our D/s does not include Maximus commanding me “No!” or “Stop!”, even during our intense play, and that i felt that our D/s was “Development” and “support.” Maximus’ style is to develop people, to develop me, to help me discover my limits, discover my greatness, develop into the best person i can be; my style is to support Him, nurture Him, take care of Him.  Maximus really connected with this. Our D/s is our D/s and it doesn’t have to match anyone else’s.

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Maximus was waiting for me when i arrived home from work…with presents! There was a beautiful dress, an enormous silicone butt plug, and a spreader bar! The butt plug….well we are going to have to work into that–it wasn’t even fitting into my pussy! We had a wonderful time with the spreader bar though. Maximus positioned me on my back and secured my ankles to each end and then had me hold onto the bar. He played with my pussy and clit, not allowing me to let go of the bar. He brought my legs up, pushed them forward, pushed them over my head–it was great! i begged for Him to bind my wrists to it as well, that i didn’t feel bound enough, and He finally bound my wrists to each ankle, which was amazing! He fucked me, fingered my pussy and made me squirt all over my chest until it ran in rivulets around my neck, and finger fucked my mouth, making me gag. Right as i was entering subspace He turned me so my head hung over the side of the bed and alternated fucking my mouth with His cock and then His fingers. This blew me away!

It was wonderful to get back into our kinky sex play. We are in such a great place and i feel that we have arrived to that place in our relationship that we have been seeking all along. Maybe that’s unfair to say, because i think Maximus has been there already…i finally caught up, having dealt with my insecurities.

Life is GREAT!

Categories: BDSM, counseling, D/s, Spreader bar | 1 Comment

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