playing together

A Little Lube

maximus

Maximus and i got a little off track the last few months. It wasn’t intentional, it just kinda crept up on us due to my illness, inability to have sex for several months, stress of what to do about the future, etc. The D/s component just faded. Sex became really vanilla, no toys, no scenes. And by vanilla, i mean occurred primarily at night when we went to bed or in the morning when we work up and consisted of Maximus rolling over on top of me, putting His cock inside, quickly fucking me, and we were done. i wasn’t aroused, it wasn’t enjoyable, and i even started requesting not to have sex, which i had never done…and is not even allowed in our contract.

But we weren’t following our contract in other aspects either. Our D/s isn’t just about sex, it encompasses all aspects of our life. i was getting very unhappy with this but didn’t know how to bring it up, or really just didn’t want to, i guess…until life made sure we did.

Maximus had been traveling and during a call said He had some things to talk about, something about our swinging sites and something funny. He started in about our swinging sites and i just listened. After about 15 minutes, it was apparent to me that He was dissatisfied with our (lack of) swinging but not coming right out and saying it forthright. i was getting the impression that He was fishing to play separately and i was really concerned that He already had, something that we had agreed not to do and had amended in our contract. i asked Him about this and He replied, “Well, it does say in our contract that I can, so I see no problem in going to [the club] on my own.” Well i was horrified! i knew this was not the case, that it was not in our contract. And furthermore, i was devastated that He had not displayed any interest in playing with me in our pre-hysterectomy manner and now was looking for playmates at the club instead! i had told Him He was free to do that, play separately, but that i was not able to be in a relationship like that–it was His decision. i wasn’t ending the relationship, but i really could not continue like that and was putting the decision in His hands, willingly. i ended up telling Him i needed to get off the phone because i was too upset to talk civilly.

i went to my computer and found our last amended contract (from August 2013!) that struck out the clause about playing separately and found that we’d not finallized or signed it (WTF!) . And i went back through the blog to see when we had discussed not playing separately and what we’d agreed upon, finding it documented in Wounded Birds, Don’t be a Douche, Playing Together, and Red Bottoms. i re-emailed Him the contract and the link to my journal blog post with some terse words that “if we’re going to talk about the contract, i would appreciate if You’d use the latest version rather than an old one” and that He should refer to our discussion and agreement from August about not playing separate that i’d documented in the blog.

What made me the most upset was that i suddenly felt like i couldn’t trust Him, couldn’t trust that He would remember our conversations and agreements and just go with whatever He felt like doing. i felt He was playing a game, using an old contract as an advantage to get what He wanted instead of going with what we’d agreed upon. And it wasn’t just that we’d agreed upon it, i had taken the wording about playing separately out of our swinging profiles and hidden our individual profiles as He had requested i do after we’d make that decision–i knew He knew we’d made that decision!

Maximus was traveling and i was working and weren’t going to be together alone for over a week to be able to discuss this. What was worse, is that during that week we were going to be together, we’d be with my mother for a family weekend. i just couldn’t tolerate having that hanging over us. So we ended up talking for hours over the phone while i was working the next evening and sorted things out.

He said He was thinking about playing separately and got the contract out to check if that was ok and found, in the contract He had filed, that it was ok. He thought we had agreed otherwise, but couldn’t find any contract stating that and didn’t think about looking through my journal. We agreed that we needed to go through the last amendment, see if we had changes to make, as it seemed there were issues, and agreed to do that the next time we were alone together. He also agreed to not play separately as it was clear we had decided months ago not to do that.

i brought up my concern that He was wanting to swing with others rather than have sex with me. i described my dissatisfaction on how things had been going sexually and we ended up with a very good discussion. He had been worried about hurting me, physically, after my surgery, so sex kind of waned, even when i was released to have intercourse. We’d gone to a swinger party two weeks after my release and it was just too intense for me, which led us to leave the party–this put the brakes on for Him. Me, feeling the brakes, made me feel not sexy or desirable, and the radical change in our sex led to loss of arousal. Self-perpetuating problem. Even while we were in Hawaii, despite bringing all our toys, we still had this vanilla sex, until the last day when i requested He do a scene. i was very aroused and the scene went great, but we reverted back afterward. Maximus understood. i shared it was wonderful to be taken, to have Him roll over and fuck me, and was His right as my Dom; but if this is the only thing we do, it just doesn’t work for me, i don’t feel cherished or appreciated, and don’t get aroused.

i also shared that i would have appreciated if He had initiated a dialogue with me about these issues rather than start in on them and dump them on me all at once. i really did feel dumped on. He said He’d thought about that, but thought it wasn’t necessary, but now realizes it was.

We felt like we’d communicated a lot, i felt trust come back. We had our weekend with my mom and things were okay. The next weekend Maximus came down. i requested He come so we could have some alone time together and work on our contract, reconnect, etc. Soon after we were together, Maximus started sharing about a podcast He’d been listening to on His way down, Communication is Lubrication: Scripts For Your Sex Life, by Sex with Emily. He shared that He’d learned about the importance of lube for women. i stopped Him and asked Him why it took a podcaster talking about this to get Him to realize this when His ex, J, had told Him over and over “spit isn’t lube,” we’ve talked about it, and i’ve requested lube. i felt slighted, again, “why is He not listening to what we talk about?” i thought.

It turned into a battle. He needed to work on work stuff, all day and we only had less than two days together. i didn’t feel like a priority, was disappointed that our weekend to get together to talk and sort things out was going to be taken over by Him working. i said, “You might as well have not come down if You’re just going to work all the first day.” Well this made Him upset that i was “kicking Him out again,” which i wasn’t, i was just making a point that if He didn’t have time to spend than maybe we should’ve found a different time, as i had made time for us. He started packing and we were both angry. Finally i got Him to understand i was not kicking Him out. We agreed to table the discussion for a few hours so He could finish some work and then we would talk.

His work actually only took 30 minutes. And then we sat down and went over the amended contract we’d never finalized months ago. i started reading it aloud, line by line, and lo and behold, all the things we felt needed to be added or changed in the contract were already that way in the amended contract!! It had been so long since we’d gone over the contract together that we’d forgotten what was in there and what our agreements were. It is embarrassing to admit.

During our discussion, we realized that we have a great contract, it says everything we need, we just need to get back to living it. While i would never tell Maximus, because it’s not my place, even though i wanted to tell Him, i need Him to be the Dom, i need Him to continue my training, i need the boundaries enforced if i step out of line. Maximus came to this conclusion on His own when we went through the contract, He said it was quite evident that we’d stopped living the intent of the contract and our D/s. Again, nothing against anyone…i got sick, it made it blurry on how to operate D/s with my illness.

So with a little lube…communication, we’re back on track. We have an excellent contract, we have an excellent D/s relationship. Honestly, we’re not all conflict. i tend to write about it because it’s important for me to do this to digest and move on, and to remember how we got to where we are. There are so many great things, things before, things now, and things in the future. Together we are so amazing!

 

Categories: BDSM contract, BDSM relationship, communication, playing together, relationship, Sex with Emily | 1 Comment

CrazySexyCool

crazysexycoolIt’s been a whirlwind week! Crazy….Sexy….and Cool!

It started with Maxisnoop doggmus flying me up for the Seahawks vs. Raiders preseason game. It was great! He has fantastic seats, right on the Seahawks 5 yard line a few rows up from the field. We had front row seats to see Snoop Dogg posing with the Sea Gals. i guess he’s called Snoop Lion now, but whatever!

After the game, Maximus drove me back home to Portland because i had to work the next morning. He slept for a couple of hours and drove right back up to SeaTac airport to head to California for a one day business trip! Talk about dedication! It was a super sweet surprise for Him to fly me up and drive me home–He really wanted to take me to the game.

The day after my work day, i headed back up to Seattle on the train! Maximus picked me up and we headed directly to Michael Kors for some shoe shopping! When i came up for the Seahawks game, Maximus had a pair of Michael Kors Ailee Studded Suede pumps in my drawer! They were just gorgeous and it had been all Michael KorsHe could do to not text me pictures of them before i got there. He had texted a picture of the box with a message that there was a surprise waiting for me, but not a picture of the shoes themselves. Unfortunately, the shoes were too small for me, so we needed to go exchange them. They had the shoes in my size, but Maximus had more shoes and boots for me to try on for Him while we were there.

i had the best sub moment at Michael Kors! Maximus missed it, actually. i was seated on the setteé surrounded by different shoes and boots, attended by not one, but three attendants and Maximus came back from the display with another shoe and said, “she’ll try on this one too.” The attendant acknowledged this, Maximus walked back to the display to return the sandal, and the attendant started toward the back to get my size. A few seconds later, the attendant quickly returned, bent down toward me and asked, “I should have asked, did you want to try on that shoe?” i smiled and cooed, “Of course!” This just tickled me! Of course i wanted to try on that shoe, Maximus desired to see that shoe on me and i wanted to please Him by doing so!

The next day, our friends Kilt and Rhodie, who we met through mutual friends at a swinger’s party (see A Night at the Beach), came up for an overnight visit. We’ve been wanting to get back together with them and have had this visit on the calendar for months, pure torture waiting for this! Maximus has been über-excited, coming up with all kinds of kink things He wanted to choreograph for this night, but as we’d only been with them at two swingers’ parties and hadn’t really talked to them about the specifics of their kink, i encouraged Maximus to be patient and use this weekend to talk and learn more about them instead of assuming they were like us and scaring them away!

i made dinner for us at Maximus’ so we’d have more time to visit openly rather than trying to have kink conversations at a restaurant. During dinner, Kilt whispered to me that while he was looking forward to playing with me, Rhodie was really looking forward to spending some time with me. We started talking about our kinks and we found that they were, indeed, much like us in kink play, and were also afraid of scaring us! They are not Total Power Exchange or D/s, but are both switches. He is straight, she is bi.

During dinner prep, i’m not sure how this came up, but the conversation turned to nipple torture and i was instructed to get the nipple vacuum tubes. i was wearing a halter topped dress and the top was taken off of my neck, my tits exposed, and Maximus had Rhodie install the tubes on my nipples, teaching her how to wait and increase the vacuum little by little as my nipples stretched out into the tube. i spent the entire dinner with the tubes on my nipples and amazingly, both nipples started leaking fluid, which has never happened to me before (we had babysat Maximus’ 9 month old grandson the night before and i’m wondering if that led to some maternal instincts to come into play)!!

As soon as we cleaned up from dinner, Rhodie took me into the great room, yanked my dress all the rest of the way off, pulled me down to the floor and had her way with me! Maximus had taken the vacuum tubes off midway through dinner and my right nipple was a gorgeous purple. Rhodie licked my clit and played with my pussy and nipples while Kilt and Maximus watched.

Eventually Maximus led us into His den where He had the Liberator mat on the floor. As soon as we hit the mat, Maximus blindfolded Rhodie and me and we all four went to town! Kilt even foot fucked me! At one point, Maximus put the chained clover nipple clamps on me. It was sensory overload! We were flogged and cropped, Kilt scratched my back with His long fingernails making me orgasm! i was doing great, slipped into subspace and then suddenly my right nipple was too intense, i think someone grabbed my breast and i started to come crashing down. “Right, off! Right, off!” was all i could say. i could tell the hands on me weren’t Maximus’ and i really needed Maximus to take care of me. He came and wrapped Himself around me, whispering in my ear that it was ok and i was safe, and released me from the clamps. i could hear Rhodie asking if i was hurt and Maximus and Kilt assured her i was fine, had slipped into subspace and Maximus was caring for me. What’s interesting to me as i think back about it, i wasn’t bound…i could have simply reached up and released the clamp from my right nipple, but it never occurred to me to do that. In fact, i don’t believe i have ever released myself from anything that Maximus has applied, but generally i have been bound and unable to do so. It’s fascinating to me that i needed Him to release me even when i was able to physically do that myself–i was mentally bound! i think that is a wonderful realization for us, that my submission to Him is complete and natural.

Maximus provided aftercare for me and we jumped right back into play. i called out to Maximus to get the wands and He returned promptly with them and an extension cord. i started to use the Hitatchi on Rhodie, which i remembered she loved, and then rolled on top of her so we would be simultaneously stimulated and orgasm together. Maximus kept telling us how hot it was! i really wanted vaginal penetration and called out for something in my pussy, but i was so slippery wet that Maximus could not stay inside me! After orgasming multiple, multiple times, i rolled off and Maximus started fucking Rhodie. i put my fingers in what i thought was her pussy, thinking, Wow, He’s fucking her ass!, feeling Maximus’ cock between the membrane (turns out i was in her ass and He was in her pussy). Maximus started yelling, “It’s too much, I can’t hold it, I’m going to come!” and He came, yelling and spasming. i pulled the condom off and took Him into my mouth, sending Him in to earthquakes. He shared that the visual of Rhodie and i orgasming over and over and Rhodie squealing with glee that my come was pouring down her pussy was just too much for Him and He couldn’t hold off.

i still needed vaginal penetration badly and as soon as Maximus was ready again, which was only a few minutes, He started fucking me. i’m not sure what was happening next to us with Kilt and Rhodie, but suddenly, right before i was about to come, Maximus pulled out and started putting on a condom! i was shocked as He started fucking Rhodie. i got up and said i was going upstairs, as i needed to think about this…i returned as soon as i was upstairs realizing this was completely unacceptable to me and i needed to communicate to Maximus about it. i pulled on the back of Maximus’ hair in a hard tug and He excused Himself and followed me upstairs. i told Him that was rude and slapped His chest and arms and He apologized, said He got caught up in the moment and realized just how rude that was. We went back downstairs, we joined Kilt and Rhodie again. Maximus came again inside me.

We played more, in all configurations, until we were spent and needed a break. i was starting to feel overheated and nauseated and realized i was dehydrated from all the squirting orgasms. We had dessert at the island in the kitchen and Kilt began tying Rhodie in a rope harness. i stepped outside into the cool air on the patio but just could not shake the nausea. Eventually we excused ourselves to bed, got Kilt and Rhodie settled into the guest room. Maximus was very concerned about me, at first thinking i was upset with Him, but after touching me, He realized i was burning up. He laid me onto the bed and smoothed a cool wet washcloth over my forehead and made some electrolyte drink for me, which helped. He held me while i slept and i felt completely back to normal by morning.

We let Kilt and Rhodie sleep in. Maximus and i prepped breakfast and cleaned up all the toys and the den from the night before. We sat outside on the patio and talked about what a great night it had been. We both realized that we’d never had a session like that before, where i subspaced and was thrown right back into play. In all of our other BDSM scenes with other people, particularly with Sunflower and MountainMan, the scene ended with my aftercare, that bringing me back from subspace was the conclusion of the scene. We agreed that my dehydration, nausea, and feeling ill had a lot to do with not having enough time to recover and that we would be more careful the next time.

Kilt and Rhodie joined us for breakfast and recap of the night. Rhodie would apologize every time she brought up some kink things she liked or desired and we told her not to apologize, that we were just as kinky or more and were very interested in learning about each others kinks. She shared that her fantasy is to have another woman squirt inside of her and then squirt that come back into the other woman. We said that we would love to help her with that fantasy. Kilt took me aside and shared that her ultimate fantasy is to have a woman wearing a lucha libre, Mexican wrestling mask, fuck her and asked if i would do that–which of course i said i would share with Maximus and do! We talked about the BDSM checklist we used and learned they had not seen those before and would like to do one too. i said i would send them a copy and we all decided it would be a great idea for us to complete that together to share our kinks. We also shared what we learned about my aftercare needs in the middle of intense scenes from the night before.

After Kilt and Rhodie left, Maximus and i talked about what a great time we’d had. Maximus praised me for how i had handled dealing with His mishap during our play. i actually had felt awful that i had pulled His hair to get His attention, but He said that it had been the perfect thing! He’d not gotten it when i said i was going upstairs but that the hair tug completely got His attention and was exactly what i needed to do. He was thrilled that we were able to communicate about it and go back into play.

We also talked about what the future could hold. We discussed how we really had fluid bonded with them due to my squirting all down her pussy and how she and i had orally exchanged Kilt and Maximus’ cum as well. In looking about fulfilling Rhodie’s fantasy, we realized that we needed to have a discussion about this fluid bonding, STD testing, and potentially forgoing barriers in future play with them. This has been fantasy talk between Maximus and i, but we’ve not pursued this before. We agreed that i would get together with Rhodie to talk about this.

Crazy…Sexy….Cool!

Categories: BDSM relationship, fluid bonding, Living M/s, playing together, swinging | Leave a comment

Wounded Birds, Don’t be a Douche, Playing Together, and Red Bottoms

Gosh it’s been a while since i blogged! Nothing’s wrong, in fact things are going great! We’ve not had much playtime recently, as the last time i was up with Him, my mom came with, and while the jokes between us about mom are hilarious…there’s NO WAY we’re going there!!

i had a surprise vacation day last weekend so headed back up and Maximus took me to a Seahawks game (He has season tickets). What a blast! i’d never gone to a NFL game before and it was super fun. We’re hoping to do that again.

On the way home from the game, we started talking about Maximus and The Englishman going out the other night and meeting vanilla chicks at a bar. Maximus shared that they had met two women and one hit it off with The Englishman (i knew about this as he texted me about it and i was encouraging The Englishman to pursue it, to start dating again) and that the other woman, a widow whose husband had died six months ago, had given Maximus her email address. He shared that nothing happened, and that in the past He would have encouraged both women to come to His place, having every intention to fuck one of them and setting up the scene for The Englishman to fuck the other one. He then added, “But I didn’t want to do that. Is there something wrong with Me?” i was taken back by this, as we have talked at length about Maximus staying away from vanilla women due to the drama it causes (vanilla women equate sex with love and Maximus fucking them has led to problems with women becoming attached and upset). We started talking about this history, but i was tired and getting irritated that we were going to have this discussion yet again, so didn’t get too deep into it. When we got home, i noticed that this woman’s business card with her personal email address written on it was set out on His buffet when we walked in (Maximus had picked me up at the train station before the game, so i hadn’t been to His house yet), and it frustrated me that He had kept it and had it so prominently displayed, as if to remind Himself to contact her. i asked Him why He still had it if He had no intention of contacting her and why it was set out like that. He mentioned that He’d no intention of contacting her, so i asked Him to dispose of it, shred it, which He did.

We had intended to have some playtime when we got home from the game, since it’d been so long, and i was frustrated that this discussion and finding the card was irritating me so much. i decided it was enough, a discussion for another time; i went upstairs, removed my clothing, knelt at the end of the bed with the crop over my thighs, and took myself into a state of calming submission while i waited for Maximus. It was the right decision.

We had a race early the next morning and things to do before our planned drive back down to my place. i thought about how to bring up this discussion again. i decided that during our drive i would suggest doing some brainstorming on our Relationship Vision assignment from Fern and bring it up then. Interestingly, Maximus brought the topic up when we started our trip!

Wounded Birds

woundedbirdWhen i was processing my feelings and our relationship after the last raging episode, one of the things i thought about was how Maximus responds to attention from women–it’s like a drug, an endorphin rush. Don’t get me wrong, i don’t despise this, it’s something i’ve known about Maximus all along, but i feel that this rush makes it difficult for Him to not get involved in or encourage situations that cause conflict for Him and us. Moreover, Maximus is extremely tenderhearted and has a penchant for what i call Wounded Birds, people who are down on their luck, emotionally wounded, and in need of rescuing. More often than not, the wounded birds are women, such as Ms. W, LeLe, Nancy, Z Baby, PoodleS, but The Englishman is a wounded bird as well. These people attract His attention and give Him a great deal of appreciative attention back, and Maximus derives a great deal of self-worth from that.

Maximus started the conversation about being at the bar with The Englishman. We talked about the drama that comes from hooking up with vanilla chicks and particularly Wounded Birds, as this woman, a recent widow, most certainly was. i shared with Him how i had spent time thinking about His response to women’s attentions and had wanted to talk about it with Him. He most certainly agreed with my assessment, that He does get a rush from that, to the point where it blinds Him (such was the case when we met a swinging couple in Hawaii that i did not care for, but He did not even pick up on my overt signals about because He was so taken by the woman’s desire to be with Him).

He again shared that He didn’t have a desire to pick up women, but that He would gladly arrange to go on a double-date with The Englishman and the women they met at the bar, in order to encourage him to get back into the playing field. “But don’t You see, You’re doing this to rescue wounded birds–two of them!” i continued, “the widow is a wounded bird and The Englishman is most certainly a wounded bird! The Englishman is a big boy, he’s an adult, he’s most certainly capable of dating again, as he has before. He doesn’t need you to get him dating again. And by taking out the widow, You’re just encouraging her to be attached and causing drama.” Maximus replied, “Oh My god, you’re so right, The Englishman is another wounded bird.”

Don’t be a Douche

don't be a douche“But i would tell her that i have a girlfriend, if she wanted to get attached, that would fix that!” Maximus continued.

“No,” i replied, “that would be extremely hurtful, to her and to The Englishman. First, You haven’t told her You have a girlfriend, so she’s seeing You under the vanilla pretext that You are interested in her. Second, when You reveal that You have a girlfriend after going out with her, and probably fucking her too, You become the biggest jerk around and in turn, You damage The Englishman’s credibility with the girl He’s dating because He knows You have a girlfriend and therefore that shows that He encourages cheating, thus making Him a jerk. You aren’t helping anyone by doing that.”

“I hadn’t thought of it that way,” Maximus replied.

i shared with Maximus that it is frustrating to me that He continues to encourage relationships with vanilla women because it brings us conflict. And i clarified that it wasn’t that i had conflict that He saw other women, but giving vanilla women the impression that He was interested in them brought their drama and conflict into our Relationship. We talked about several women who He texts.

“I’m just being nice to them. My mother taught me to be nice. They text, I answer,” Maximus shared.

“But it’s not nice…You’re leading them on, and that’s not nice. That’s mean and really, quite douchey,“i replied. We talked about how women interpret continued interest from a man and what that means to them.

“I see that I’m really not being nice by doing that, that I’m leading them on. My mother would be very angry that I was being a douche!”

Playing Together

The discussion then turned to a specific woman who Maximus texts, Miss H, who He does not wish to ever get together with again, for several reasons. Recently, she asked if He was going to be in her state again for business and He replied when He’d be there, and of course, she wants to get together with Him. i asked why He even divulged that information with her if He had no interest in getting together with her. Again, He thought He was being nice and not understanding her intent in inquiring about His travels.

We talked about just letting these conversations with these women He has no interest in getting together with just end. “Just don’t reply, let them fade out,” i suggested. “Just as You did with Big E when You weren’t interested in getting together with little e.”

The conversation turned to swinging. As Maximus had noted, He no longer had any interest in vanilla dating, and when He thought about it, He had no interest in lifestyle dating either. This was a surprise to me. i shared that i had not had swinging dates for several months, had just lost interest in it, because i preferred to do that with Him. i went on to say that there was a certain level of jealousy when He was lifestyle dating, not that i was jealous of other women, but that i was jealous that He was playing and i wasn’t there to watch, hear, or participate!

“Oh My God! Thank you so much for sharing that!” Maximus responded, “that makes so much sense to Me!” i think Maximus felt i was jealous, but assumed i was jealous of the women, not that i was not playing too.

After more discussion, Maximus shared that He no longer wanted to swing separately, and i agreed. We have turned off our single profiles and updated our couple profiles accordingly.

Red Bottoms

i thared bottomsnked Maximus for our conversation and shared that i’d wanted to have this talk on the way down too. i also shared how i had felt after the football game, the frustration and irritation and how i had chosen to submit rather than getting angry, using it as a time to focus on the positive in us. While explaining this, i shared that i was proud that i hadn’t let that be a trigger to raging, and this surprised Him, that i could’ve raged with that. i had a hard time explaining that i probably wouldn’t have raged, but in the past, i could’ve been triggered by that, but that i had employed techniques to not get angry.

The next day, Maximus proposed that if we could go 100 days from the last raging event without me raging (actually, it was if i could go 100 days without raging, to which i clarified it was a joint responsibility and He revised the statement), He would buy me a pair of Christian Louboutin red bottomed stilettos! This is a reward for both of us, first, that He gets to buy something extravagant without me balking about it, second, that i get something special i’ve only ever dreamt about, and third, that He gets to see me wear a pair of these spectacular shoes!

So the countdown is on…actually already started over a month ago. And it’s kinda like taking candy from a baby…our raging days are over.

And…newsflash! We are going to Paris in October…the birthplace of Christian Louboutin shoes!

Categories: BDSM relationship, Christian Louboutin Red Bottomed Shoes, communication, Dom/sub, playing together, relationship | Leave a comment

Who’s Your Daddy?

Last night a Facebook page i follow, Limits and Temptations, posted this topic for discussion:

Topic for discussion: Jealousy. How do you, as a sub/slave/bottom deal with your Owner/Master/Dom/Daddy/Sir having others serve them?

And i realized i should have addressed this in my last posting (Sex with Friends) about my weekend with Mountain Man and Sunflower.

Maximus and i come to BDSM by way of the swinging lifestyle. We met each other at a house party years ago, both attached to other people (not BDSM attached, married). So, we have a lot of experience with sharing ourselves and being comfortable with our partners being with others, both in our presence and outside of that. The swinging lifestyle is something that we enjoy, fits our personalities and needs, and is not something either of us are willing to give up. Separately, we have come to realize we are not monogamous people, although we are extremely LOYAL people. Sex and love are two different things for us, something we can separate. We have sex with many others, and while we may have deep connections with some of our lifestyle friends, we LOVE only each other.

We discussed in great detail how swinging lifestyle would fit into our Dom/sub relationship when we worked on our contract. Our contract allows for Maximus or i to “enter into any sexual relations with anyone other than each other….in or outside the presence of either party, at any location, at any time.” We live separately, three hours apart, thus our time together is limited; we both understand and respect that we are sexual beings and desire sexual relations more frequently than our time together allows. Maximus may not “loan” me to any other Dominant, however; He may “direct” me to “serve another Dominant” within the limits of my BDSM allowable activities list, but i am not to be loaned as even temporary property to another. Maximus is my Master and i am solely His property and cannot be owned by any other Dominant. Additionally, per our contract, i will be Maximus’ only sub and He cannot take ownership of any other subs. Should it please Him to have me serve another Dominant, i will obey. It pleases Him that i play with others and share my stories with Him–and i enjoy hearing about His experiences as well.

We are both free to continue our swinging activities together and separately with existing and new partners, but we are required to notify each other of requests and scheduled rendezvous promptly. We both understand that some events are spontaneous and our contract requires us to notify the other as soon as possible after a spontaneous, unplanned encounter. It is understood that some activities on our BDSM activities list may occur with others during these times, such as spanking or flogging or bondage, but they are activities, and do not represent the development of a new Dom/sub relationship. Acquisition of a new sub or Dom, or declaring love for another represents a catastrophic breech of our contract and betrayal of our commitment to each other.

We do have one very specific rule in regards to swinging. We both find sleeping with someone, as in actually sleeping, not the euphemism for the act of having sex, to be extremely intimate and special. Except in very special situations that are communicated and mutually agreed upon, we are not to sleep with anyone other than each other. When we are together, we will always sleep together. This includes situations where we may be playing in separate areas at a party or at our homes and may dose off in afterglow–we will always get up and find each other in order to sleep in each others arms for the remainder of the event. We may agree to return to play with others after that, but it is unacceptable for either of us to spend the entire event apart without spending intimate time connecting with each other and affirming our commitment. My sleeping with Mountain Man and Sunflower was discussed and mutually agreed upon prior to the event and approved because i would be sleeping with them together, not alone with Mountain Man, which would have been a breech. Therefore, when Sunflower left my bed, it was no longer acceptable for me to be sleeping with Mountain Man (for several reasons, which i discussed in my earlier post).

The great thing about incorporating swinging into our BDSM relationship is that it gives us the ability to learn from more experienced others since we are new to BDSM. We have recently met another couple, who lives near Maximus, who have been in BDSM for years. This couple has expressed interest in Maximus playing separately with them and with her alone, and we are both very excited for Him to have the potential to learn from this arrangement. Maximus and i talked a lot before Mountain Man and Sunflower came to stay this past weekend, knowing that they were venturing into BDSM and Mountain Man had expressed interest in my BDSM activities list. My instructions from Maximus was to learn, accept training from Mountain Man, and that it would please Him for me to serve Mountain Man in whatever way he desired–i was not being loaned to Mountain Man, i was being asked to serve him in a BDSM role and obey his requests. i was serving Maximus in this situation and this is the distinct difference in being with Maximus and any other Dominant. Mountain Man was being dominant, but was not my Dominant–he’s Sunflower’s Dominant.

So my reply to Limits and Temptations would be, no, there is no jealousy for Maximus, my Dominant, to be served by another submissive, as long as it is done within the agreements in our contract. There are times that i have questioned the nature of His relationship with another, for clarification, such as the case of Ms. W, because i assumed He was in love with her, but He has assured me that He is not. If He were to fall in love with someone else, wildcat jealousy would not even begin to describe my response, and rightly so. i would expect the same from Him.

Categories: BDSM, D/s, Dom/sub, Dominant, jealousy, playing separate, playing together, sex vs. love, submissive, swinging lifestyle | Leave a comment

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