Unexpected Bliss

i had an amazing night last night. i hardly know how to describe it.

It’s been an overwhelming year for Maximus and me, the time between last year’s Swingset Desire trip and now. Neighborhood drama, a new grandson, son’s wedding, suicide of a cherished play partner, hypothyroid healing, moving, work, etc, and it’s really interfered with our D/s, play, and even just plain sex. We’ve had maybe one scene and therefore i’ve not worn my cherished collar or cuffs much.

Last night’s theme was Innapropriate Behavior and Deviant Desires. Getting ready for the trip, i pondered this theme and decided that instead of me dressing Maximus for this night, Maximus would choose for me, meaning that i would wear His favorite things from our play: my red satin lined leather collar and cuffs, my red satin ribbon laced vinyl boots, the black G-string with the metal C-ring in front and matching cupless underwire bra with metal C-rings for my nipples to protrude, silver bell tweezer nipple clamps, bright red smearable lipstick, heavy black eyeliner and non-waterproof mascara that would run down my face if my eyes water, and messy, freshly fucked wild hair. This is His favorite way for me to dress for Him.

And, the foxtail buttplug.

Mind you, i’ve NEVER worn my foxtail out other than one small house party where it freaked our friends out and i promptly removed it, and a play session with kinky friends with my original foxtail where the tail was accidentally broken in the middle of a scene causing an immediate, horrible crash for me. i adore my tail, it’s special, extremely personal, and i’m terrified of it being broken, grabbed, or misunderstood. It’s not a costume, it’s not a sex toy, it’s my persona, my spirit animal, an extension of my soul and sexuality, sacred. Maximus has asked me for the past two years to bring it to the Desire trip and i have refused, afraid of it being mistreated by unintentional mishandling by others, being shamed, and it being damaged by the humidity or water from the pool/spa. Taking my tail was my gift to Maximus and He was beyond thrilled. This was a big thing. BIG.

Getting ready in the room, our neighbor came over to visit, saw my tail set out on the bed with my things, and immediately made a beeline for it. Terror shot through me. Somehow i managed to squeak out, “Careful, that’s my tail, it’s important to me,” before he grabbed it without permission. i picked it up to show him as he reached for it exclaiming, “Does that go in your butt?!?!?” Crap, it’s my nightmare, everything i was afraid of. Maximus recognized this. i handed my tail to Him and retreated into the bathroom so He could explain the tail to our neighbor, and did my makeup.

i dressed after our neighbor left. Panties, boots, bra, silver bells, tail. And as our protocol, knelt with my hands holding up the back of my hair so Maximus could put my collar on me, and then my cuffs, one by one.

i felt amazing. It is difficult to describe exactly what it was other than i felt entirely me, energized, confident, bulletproof, beautiful, turned on. my pussy dripped down my legs, into my boots.

The party was fantastic. Many people were amazed. No one grabbed my tail, people asked to stroke it and i held it for them to touch. Some people seemed put off by it but i didn’t care. i was able to tell the story of my tail, what it meant to me, and how it wasn’t a costume for me. We visited with a woman who’d come to the previous night’s party as a pony, completely recognized by me as a pony, not a costume, and had encouraged me by her presence as her pony persona with her gorgeous tail to be brave enough to wear mine tonight. We understood the significance of each others tails.

But most of all, i was me. It was empowering.

We went up to the hot tub area later to watch the show, which was moved back to the disco. i spent some time as a “therapy fox” for someone who needed some comfort, enjoying the time as they stroked my soft tail. Then suddenly the bed at the top of the stairs appeared to glow as if under spotlights, beckoning me. i asked Maximus if we could spend some time together on that glowing bed and He led the way.

And then the most amazing, unplanned scene happened. i got on all fours and Maximus slid beneath me to lick my pussy. The panties came off but my tail remained. He finger fucked me, made me squirt all over Him before moving behind to fuck me hard, yanking my hair. It was fantastic! my collar ring clanged, my silver bells rang, i was in heaven. Maximus walked in front of me and fucked my mouth, smearing my red lipstick all over my face and sending a torrent of black eyeliner and mascara down my cheeks. He then fucked me hard and we reveled in our sex.

After some aftercare, i decided i wanted to go to the hot tub. We spent time discussing it as it meant removing my tail, cuffs, and collar, but in the end i decided it was time. Kneeling into Maximus on the bed, He gently unclasped the cuff, pulled the end free of the buckle and slid the satin off my skin, holding my wrist against His chest. It made me gasp and a sob came from deep within me. Tears welled into my eyes and i leaned deeper into Him. He kissed my wrist and reached over to my other hand, pulling it into Him. Again, He removed the second cuff and i crumbled, tumbled immediately into subspace. my collar came off next, then my tail, where i clutched it to my chest and sobbed. He gently removed my boots and held me, leaving my silver bell nipple clamps.

i remember feeling so naked, like a turtle pulled out of its shell. It took a long time for Maximus to bring me back, wrapped up in towels and held.

He led me to the hot tub when i was ready enough and we slid into the warm water, me oblivious to everyone else there. He held me close in the water and i was suddenly ravenous for Him. i’ve never had this reaction after subspace before, but i was enormously horny and couldn’t leave Him alone! i jumped onto His cock and fucked Him, reached behind and pulled my legs onto His shoulders and rammed myself onto Him. He finger fucked my ass. Orgasm after orgasm, even squirting hot streams of cum all over His cock. Exhausted in bliss, i snuggled into His neck.

He left for a moment to get me some water and returned with some more experienced BDSM friends and explained what happened, a bit concerned about me. i do remember this, but was so blissed out that i was beyond speech.

Suddenly i got cold, yes, in a hot tub! Maximus led me out, dried me off and took me downstairs for pizza before collapsing to sleep–with just one more fucking from Maximus after removing my silver bell clamps in bed before i slid off into slumber.

We don’t know why i had such an intense reaction. We think it was a combination of being so long since we’d scened, a long time since i’d been collared and cuffed, and the first time i’d been my true self with my tail in a large group situation. And i had been on such a high in my cuffs, collar, boots, etc, and had associated it with my appearance that removing it made me feel stripped naked.

It was definitely a night to remember.

Categories: aftercare, BDSM, breast torture, butt plug, collaring, fox tail, fox tail butt plug, foxtail, foxtail butt plug, leather cuffs, nipple clamps, objectification, subspace, Swingers resort | Leave a comment

Objectify me

my Fembot boobs with “machine gun jubblies”

i love to be objectified…i mean i REALLY love it. For me, if i were to rank my lures to D/s relationship, objectification would be second only to servitude–i fucking love it!

i work in a traditionally male field. i dress like a man, do masculine things; but additionally, feminine qualities, any feminine qualities, are a sign of weakness in my field (there’s no crying in baseball!). i learned quickly that in order to be successful in my career i needed to embody masculine traits; show interest, knowledge, and enthusiasm for masculine things and activities; but in a non-threatening, buddy-like way. The trick was, i couldn’t be too masculine–i needed to remain a girl, not too butch-y–and i think this was that a lesbian woman made them think about gay men and the homophobia about male-male sex was just rampant (and still is) in my field.

i did great with this! The problem was, as i noted in my previous blog Balance, i allowed my career to take over my life, and thus, i completely forced out my femininity. My hobbies, home remodeling, fishing, camping, shooting guns–masculine. My clothing, jeans, sweatshirts, boots–masculine. My hairstyle, short, styled like a man’s haircut (think Jason Priestly in 90210!). i wore minimal makeup. i had a dress, because my mother bought one for me for Christmas one year…but when i wore it, people would exclaim, “Wow, you’re a GIRL!” i took that as a compliment, but i was denying my femininity, sacrificing it for my career. i didn’t think it was a big deal, but it threw me completely off balance, and after 15 years, i realized i had lost a part of me and needed to get it back.

So i grew out my hair. i wear clothing that shows off my tits, the more cleavage the better! No more baggy sweatshirts. i wear makeup! my toenails are always painted–i wish i had beautiful fingernails, but my work does require me to have shorter nails, otherwise i risk personal injury. And shoes…oh do i have a fuck-me shoe fetish!

Gorgeous gifts from Maximus, stilettos and crystal butt plug!

i love dressing the part. Maximus loves me to be made up as a slut, heavy, dark eye makeup and bright red lipstick that runs and smears all over my face when i give blowjobs–and i adore this! Dresses cannot be too short, too revealing. Panties (when i wear them) and bras are lacy, sheer, thong, G-string, push-up. It makes me wet to arrive at a club or party all dolled up and have men stare and tell me how hot i look–and women too! It makes me feel alive, feminine, sexy, desired. And it makes me feel powerful, to attract someone’s attention and stir their desire.

i love being reduced to tits and pussy and ass, a toy for someone else to use however they see fit. It turns me on to be ordered what to do, to have my clothing picked out for me, to be stroked, to be led, to be the object on their arm, a trophy. i love when Maximus shares my body and my sex with others, both male and female, a sex toy in His arsenal. It gives Him pleasure to decorate my body with shoes and other accessories, rewarding me with stilettos and butt plugs with fox tails and giant Swarovski crystals, and it makes me feel like a cherished princess. i can totally relate to the character Amy Farrah Fowler in this video:

Who doesn’t love feeling like a cherished princess?

my homework for this week is to prepare different colors of cake frosting (vegan, of course) and have them all packaged up and ready for Maximus to take to our friend’s birthday party Saturday. i am to be dessert, brought out in bondage, blindfolded at the end of dinner, my fox tail exchanged for my new bejeweled butt plug. After being paraded around the guests at the dining table, i will kneel and the birthday boy and the other guests will decorate my body by piping icing on me in any manner of their choosing, before eating me. i cannot wait to be birthday cake!

Categories: BDSM, D/s, Dom/sub, Dominant, masculine vs. feminine, objectification, submissive | Leave a comment

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