Life on the Swingset

Ginger Lube

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i can’t remember where Maximus came across it years ago, but He forwarded me an article about figging, using fresh ginger in your sex play. You take a finger of ginger, peel off the outer skin, shape it into a dildo or butt plug shape, dip it into cold water and insert it into the orifice of choice (making sure it is sturdy as not to break off and with a wide enough base as not to slip inside and disappear!).

We lived separately at the time, 180 miles apart, so Maximus instructed me to follow the directions and fig myself. So i did. And i LOVED it! Ginger on my clit, pussy, and ass gives a warm-to-hot sensation much like the warm-to-hot feeling i get when those areas have been directly spanked or flogged. It’s like the rush of blood and tingling after-effect of being spanked and it stays for quite awhile, as it does after the spankings end. And as i love that sensation of having my clit, pussy, and ass spanked, i love the sensation ginger gives me.

i’d not given figging much thought for a while until we were at the Desire trip with Life on the Swingset last year. There was a lot of giggling, squealing, and teasing about figging that came up during a conversation with a couple who was interested in BDSM. i remember responding, “Oooooh, i LOVE figging!” and seeing shocked looks and discussions that it was so painful. It’s not painful for me, its wonderful.

So i decided to do some more research and experimenting when we got home. i have not been able to find the article Maximus sent me, but i did find other articles about it, which i’ll include at the end. i considered that maybe the ginger i’d used in the past was old and not as potent. i tried fresh ginger from the market and it had the same warming effect. i did some more research to see if there was something missing, and no, seems we were preparing it right.

In my research, i found someone, elims at Kink Lab, who was experimenting with making their own ginger lube. They are waaaayyy more science-y than i am and are making their lube from scratch and including ginger juice. i thought, “i have a juicer…i have lube…hmmmm…”

And today i experimented in making my own ginger lube.

And it was awesome!

i bought new ginger at the store, washed it, left the peel on and ran it through my juicer.

A 3-inch chunk yielded about 1/8 cup of juice, which was more than i expected! If you don’t have a juicer,img_1912i think you could finely grate the ginger and squeeze the pulp in a fine mesh bag, like they use for making nut-based vegetarian milks, or cheese cloth, and collect the juice from it.

Then i combined 1 Tablespoon water-based lube with 1 Tablespoon ginger juice and mixed with a little whisk until well-combined. It looks like snot!img_1913

And then i played with it!

It is great!

i tried it first on my clit. At first, it didn’t seem like anything, but after a few seconds, the warming sensation started and began to build into a nice heat. i used my Hitachi wand on it and that was wonderful!

i put some in my pussy and used my glass dildo, which was delightful! It made my pussy hot and drippy. i put a fingerful in my ass, but i didn’t feel anything, probably because my clit and pussy were so tingly and hot.

Then i slathered a bunch on a butt plug and inserted it in my ass. It was wonderful! i think the compression of the ginger lube between the plug and my ass made all the difference. It was hot and tingly and wonderful.

Each application lasted about 20 minutes.

All in all, a great experience. i’m thinking about trying straight ginger juice next. i don’t think it’ll be much different for sensation, but i think it will be harder to apply to toys as the lube sticks to the surfaces while the juice runs off. But i’m willing to try…for science!

i’m not sure how long it will stay fresh and potent. elims suggests 4 weeks in the refrigerator. I’ll see how that goes.

Here are some more resources on figging:

Figging: The Art of Ginger Root Play

BDSM: Theory and Practice of Figging

Like Ginger? Try Figging

Categories: anal sex, BDSM, butt plug, figging, Life on the Swingset | Tags: | Leave a comment

Fetish Fair Fleamarket Plans!

ssc

We’re super excited–we’re going to go to the Fetish Fair Fleamarket February 17-19 in Warwick, Rhode Island! We had plans to go last year, but our schedule got screwed up and we had to cancel. But this year, we are going for sure! Why the Flea? Well we have met some very wonderful kinky people at the Life on the Swingset Takes Over Desire takeovers who are from that area and have asked us to come join them. So we are!

Maximus and i went over the programming guide and have interest in the following classes (we can’t go to them all as several are at the same time, but these interest us):

Friday

  • MAsT Meet and Greet
  • Rope 101
  • Mapping your D/s Archetype
  • Ritualized Kink

Saturday

  • Power Exchange Dynamics: Finding a Fit to Feed Your Need
  • Basic Violet Wands
  • One Rope Hotness: Ichinawa
  • Rope Lounge
  • From the Sensual to the Sadistic: Calibration = Good Scenes for Every Body
  • Mapping your D/s Archetype (second instance, in case we miss Friday’s)
  • Let’s Talk Hogties
  • Submissives Roundtable
  • Setting up your Scene Space
  • Sexual Objectification Training
  • Aesthetically Pleasing Rope Harnesses
  • Practice Makes Perfect: Rope Handling Drills and Challenges
  • How to Train a service submissive
  • Rope Bottoming
  • The Art of the Primal Scene
  • Floor work: How to have fun and build connection on the ground or in bed with rope
  • Rope and D/s
  • Fun and Pain with Canes

Sunday

  • Off Balance: A Partial Suspension Exploration
  • Freestyle Floorwork: Working With Friction and Connection
  • Chest Harnesses, Gotes, & Box Ties Oh My!
  • Connective Rope Bondage: Sensual and Seductive
  • Caning 101: For Fun, Pain, or Punishment
  • Protocols: They Are EVERYWHERE, but what are they?
  • Building the BDSM Ritual
  • Flameless Wax Play

As if the Flea wasn’t enough, we decided to make a vacation out of it. Maximus has been obsessed with Hamilton: The Revolution. His boss and his wife have seen it six times–enough, His boss says, to have bought a new car. We listen to the soundtrack, are reading the book by Chernow that inspired the musical, recently watched the documentary on Great Performances about it (which, if you’ve not seen, we highly recommend), Maximus has bought the mixed tape, etc., etc. So we thought if we were going to be all the way out on the east coast, maybe, just maybe we could pick up some tickets and see it in NYC? Well guess what?!? We got tickets for Valentine’s Day, front mezzanine center, second row (first row has about half the leg room as seats behind, so second row is great for Maximus’ legs)! And we were able to book a suite in our timeshare at Times Square for three nights! i’ve not been to NYC since after 9/11 when i went with colleagues to pay our respects at the Pile. i’m anxious to see how that area has changed, go to the memorial, and explore the City with Maximus!

What an adventure we will have in February!

Categories: BDSM Con, Fetish Fair Fleamarket, Hamilton: The Revolution, Life on the Swingset | Leave a comment

A Better Day

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It’s a much better day today. Last night i had a chance to visit with my dear friend, Mmmm, who is also D/s, but lives on the other side of the country, and she really helped me get over what happened (see Apparently i Screwed Up). She assured me that i hadn’t done anything wrong and that some people in D/s are more or less militant and we are. And she told me that the person who called me out at the munch for making our introductions was out of line as well. Basically, we’ve just had some bad encounters as we have started our journey into finding like-minded friends, but that we should not let that discourage us. We’re not discouraged, but i’m more cautious now, for sure.

We’ve been planning on going to a D/s discussion group we found on FetLife. Because of what has happened, i decided to email the submissive group coordinator to find out if this would be a good group for us to attend, some insight into rules/protocol, etc. and she sent back a very lovely message encouraging us to attend. So we will. It’s in a little over a week.

Tonight, if the weather holds out, we are hosting friends, Buck and Red, we met at Desire three years ago and see every year at that takeover. Funny, they live just miles away and we have such difficulty getting together! We’re trying to rectify that, and wouldn’t you know it, there’s a big snowstorm coming tonight and in Seattle, a dusting of snow causes complete chaos on the roads. And Maximus is trying to fly home, going through Portland, Oregon, which is having a major ice storm. Gah! i’m still planning on everyone being here–we’ll see!

And we got revisions from the architect last night. Still working on some changes with him, but the plans look a lot better! We will have some posts in the Dungeon Room, it appears, and he tried to hide them with closets, but i want the room to be as large as possible and posts are actually good for that room–there are things we can do with them–so i’ve asked him to remove the closets. i’ll post plans when we get updates from him. It’d be great if we can get this all finalized before the end of the year and move onto the next phase of the project.

Categories: BDSM, BDSM dungeon, Life on the Swingset, swinging lifestyle | Leave a comment

Apparently i Screwed Up

screwed-up

i haven’t cried myself to sleep for a long time, but i did last night. i’m feeling a combination of hurt, embarrassed, confused, shocked, sad, frustrated, and pissed off. i’m glad that Maximus was home with me, for a brief time, even though He probably didn’t get the sleep He needed with my emotional tossing and turning. And yesterday had been such a great day up until right then.

While Maximus and i have been in swinging lifestyle for years and years, BDSM is relatively new for us. We branched into it four years ago, together, and it has been a roller coaster ride of discovery. It’s taken us much of this time, especially the first two years, to figure out our relationship, a lot of trial and error, researching, reading, listening to podcasts, talking with friends and acquaintances, some classes, revisions, etc., and we’ve been able to distill down into what works for us. But we’ve done it alone. We don’t really have a peer group–BDSM has been something we’ve done in a relative vacuum.

After this last Desire trip with the Life on the Swingset group we love, Maximus and i discussed needing to find a like-minded community here locally. We have been so fortunate to find and develop wonderful friends with this group who are into BDSM, D/s, and swinging. It’s nice to have people to talk to, learn from, have fun with, and feel true to ourselves. But they all live far away and we would like to have similar connections here at home so we don’t just have that physically once a year or emotionally at a distance.

So Maximus has tasked me with finding/cultivating a local community for us. We went to a munch, we went to a new swinger’s club that has been temporarily housing a kink community looking for a new physical location, i’ve signed us up for some classes, updated our Fet Life profiles, scheduled ourselves to go to other munches and a D/s discussion group, to get us out there. And i’ve started reaching out to other couples on our swinging sites, as during the last two years we’ve not really cultivated a lot of new swinging friendship due to time constraints of remodeling the condo, me healing from hypothyroidism, and then moving.

It’s not particularly easy for me to contact others on swinger dating website, in fact it takes a lot of effort. i am, by nature, introverted, although outgoing and not shy, and searching websites and going through the process of writing introduction messages is exhausting and time consuming. i struggle with what to say, worry about whether they will like us, and it drains my energy into slight anxiety over the whole affair. i would much rather sit there and wait for people to contact us, but it is not how it works. Maximus knows this about me. He is the complete opposite, but really wants me to work through my struggle and frankly doesn’t have the time to devote to this search. And besides, i am much pickier than He is, so it’s better for me to find people in the end. Further, i don’t feel comfortable, at all, contacting unknown people on FetLife  as it doesn’t seem like a search site, and won’t do that.

So imagine my surprise and complete glee when we got a random friend request on a swinger website Monday morning. It was on the website for the kink-hosting swinger club we toured this past weekend, and i didn’t even know you could search profiles or contact people through that site until we received the message. i logged on and while i could see their picture and screen name, i couldn’t figure out how to send them a message. But i really, REALLY wanted to because i could tell they were D/s (His name was capitalized, hers was not, and they both had to do with rope). So as this was the group that was hosting the rope class we are taking this weekend, i decided to look on the FetLife event page to see if they had possibly RSVP’d, and lo and behold, the D-half had!

i looked through their Fet pages and determined they seemed like a great match! They were indeed D/s and into rope, which Maximus is wanting to learn. His profile said he wouldn’t accept friend requests from submissive-types and her profile said all correspondence had to go through him, which is typical, i’ve found. Maximus was traveling for work and i just couldn’t wait to share with Him what had happened, what had literally fallen into our laps!

Maximus was thrilled and asked me to contact them. i told Him the only way i could was through Fet as the other page wouldn’t allow me to. He instructed me to message him from my Fet page, letting him know He’d asked me to do this for Him. So i did. And yesterday Maximus got a wonderful reply from him. However, Maximus was still away for work and unable to read the message or reply to it. He asked me to log into His page to read the message and then reply to him. This couple was planning on going to the same rope class and we really wanted to arrange some time to meet with them. i was greatly concerned that me replying to this Dominant through Maximus’ page would be deceitful and a poor way to start a relationship with a D/s couple. Maximus agreed and instructed me to message Him from my page, letting him know He’d instructed me to message him that He was traveling for work and would not be able to respond until after Thursday. So i did this. i was very careful with my pronouns, very respectful, acknowledged that this was unconventional but that Maximus really didn’t want to leave him hanging so long.

i had gotten confused and thought Maximus was not coming home until Thursday, but it turns out He was coming home last night and then flying out again in the morning. Once i figured it out, i could hardly contain my excitement realizing that He and i would be able to go through the messages from this Dominant and look at their profiles together to discuss it all. So once Maximus got home, which was late, i got my phone while we were in bed to read the messages to Him and share the profile. However, when i went to do this, i discovered that this Dominant had blocked us. Not me, but BOTH of us! i was horrified and shocked!

“Maybe it was a mistake,” Maximus said trying to comfort me, “I’ve accidentally hit the wrong thing on those sites and accidentally deleted or blocked people.”

But it wasn’t a mistake. A mistake would be blocking one of us…this was intentional, we were both blocked.

i instantly started to cry as emotions swirled through and around me. i’m sad that we’ve seemed to have lost an opportunity to meet a similar couple in our area. i’m horribly embarrassed that i did something wrong by messaging him rather than just letting it hang for Maximus to reply. i’m upset at myself for not just having us wait for Maximus respond and sending the message through my profile rather than somehow knowing i should suggest otherwise. i’m hurt and shocked that this person blocked us rather than just letting us know we’d crossed a boundary with them. And i’m frustrated and pissed off that we just can’t seem to get any inroads into local BDSM here.

The thing is, we’re new at this and we’ve not given anyone the impression otherwise. This BDSM couple found US on a swingers site, not a BDSM site, that describes that we’ve been swingers for years and new into BDSM and looking for like-minded people. Our Fetlife profiles reflect this as well. We are trying to find people so we can learn how to navigate this world of kink, find mentors, and we’re going to make mistakes. We don’t even know what we don’t know! i feel like the teenager looking for their first job that has no experience but needs experience to apply! And right now this whole BDSM community feels so elitist, i hate to admit that.

So now, instead of feeling excited and looking forward to our rope class this weekend, i’m embarrassed, anxious, and dreading it. First, because i’m afraid we are going to encounter someone who’s upset with us, and second, because i’m disappointed with the encounters we’ve had so far, with the munch and now this. i feel like an island.

i know, if i had a friend who came to me and told me about this situation i would see it from the perspective that this person did us a favor, that would you really want to be involved with a Dominant who would treat you, both of you, this way? And the answer is no, i wouldn’t. But from my perspective, i’m hurt, feel rejected, and have no way to apologize for doing something i didn’t know was wrong. And i feel responsible for making Maximus look bad to someone in this community–that’s the worst.

And i just don’t even know where we fit in anymore. We’re too kinky for swingers and too swinger for kinksters. i feel like i just got another slap of “you stupid swingers” from someone in kink, first the comment during the munch that i shouldn’t have been doing our introduction, and now this. And it’s so different from what we experience with our Swingset friends, where i can talk to, text, and email with the D half just as well as the s type. i just need a friend and some guidance.

Categories: BDSM, D/s, insecurities, Life on the Swingset, Rejection, swinging lifestyle | 2 Comments

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