Center for Sex Positive Culture

Shibari for Lovers and A Black Tie Affair


Yesterday was just a magnificent day! We went to two events that were spectacular in their own ways.

The first event was Shibari for Lovers, presented by Seattle Shibari and the Foundation for Sex Positive Culture. It was a small group, limited to eight couples, making it very intimate and gave us a lot of access for personal instruction. The goal of the class was to learn how to make rope play more intimate and connective between the top and bottom, increasing the intensity of the scene. And, wow, did it meet that intention!

While we only learned a few ties:

  • Single colum tie
  • Maete Shibari
  • One-Rope Gote Shibari
  • Hands-free Chest Harness
  • Ebi Shibari (Prawn Tie)

we came away with a new way to connect with each other through rope, and an understanding that a rope scene can be so much more than just tying someone up (or being tied up). Varying the speed, positioning of the top and bottom, timing movement with breath, eye contact, and more, were ways we learned to increase intensity in our play. It was very similar to what we learned in Midori‘s Exquisite Whip class.

Something that came up in Midori’s class and this one was setting an intention for the scene during negotiation. Since we are 24/7 D/s and have a negotiated BDSM checklist, we really have never negotiated our scenes with each other, only play with others. We both felt that everything had been pre-negotiated and we didn’t have to do that step. But we’ve learned that negotiating the intention of a scene can make a HUGE difference in connection and fulfillment for both the top and the bottom. Asking, “What do you want to get out of a scene today” or explaining what you would want to feel with a scene and discussing whether that fits with the other person, negotiating, and getting enthusiastic consent is crucial for moving a scene from good to phenomenal. Perhaps the top wants to have a scene of control and aggression but the bottom is looking for something playful and fun–this mismatch, if not communicated and used to adjust the scene can take away from the outcome. We’ve never done this! But we can see how it can take our scenes to a new level and we will be implementing this from now on.

Note, it doesn’t take away from the mystery of the scene. Maximus does not have to describe step-by-step what He is going to do, just the intention of the scene. And it does not mean i cannot request certain activities or ask that some things not be included–if my nipples are sore and i don’t want to have nipple torture done in the scene, i can communicate that to Maximus. For us, we have negotiated our kink activities and unless i communicate my non-consent for any of them, they would be on board (that’s our agreement)–it would be different if we were playing with others, the negotiation would include what activities we’d be interested in or not wanting to do/have done. But what it does is get us in the same mindset and connect us more emotionally. We love that!

There was so much energy exchanged between us during the application parts of the class in micro-scenes that by the end of the class, Maximus was dopey and i was spent! It was just a delicious class.

Maximus and i had signed up for this class as part of a package from the FSPC called “Bondage Lovers’ Delight: Day and Evening of Delights.” It included the Shibari for Lovers class, a limited edition custom Monk Sak with rope from the Twisted Monk, and admission for two to the Black Tie Affair that night.monk-sak_2

We received our Monk Sak at the class and it is beautiful (it’s the image at the top of this post)! Twisted Monk screenprinted them with the CSPC/FSPC logo and filled them with hemp rope, safety shears, and DVD of his rope videos. We learned last night that our saks were one of a half-dozen of these custom designed and we are honored to have one. It will be so nice to have a space to set out our rope and supplies during events.


We headed home for a couple of hours for a nap and decompression after the class before getting ready to head to the Black Tie Affair. This event, held by the Art Activist Society, was a benefit party for the 15th annual Seattle Erotic Art Festival. We had never been before and had no idea what to expect. The tickets said to dress to impress in your version of formal, fetish-wear and included a bondage theme. Maximus wore his tux with vest and jacket, colorful socks, and His Michael Toschi black leather shoes with red stitching to match my outfit. i wore a floor-length, off-shoulder, long-sleeved sheer black lace dress with red panties, black and red below-breast corset, my black vinyl boots with red ribbon side lacing, and my collar. Having not been before, i was concerned that being able to see my bare breasts through the sheer lace above my corset would be a problem, so i wore the black lace and leopard print silk and cashmere shawl Maximus bought for me in Las Vegas a few years ago so i could cover myself up, if necessary (turns out it was not necessary at all!). We both felt elegant and sexy! We tried to get a selfie before we left the house, but the selfie-stick wasn’t cooperating and we bagged it to prevent being late!

The party was held at artist Steve Jensen‘s studio in Capital Hill. His art is amazing and we thoroughly enjoyed talking with him and learning all about the inspiration to his art. Twisted Monk had an interactive art piece he’d custom made for the event, which he explained beautifully to us one-on-one. It consisted of a person tied in an apparatus with ropes over pulleys from which hung buckets with labels such as Passion, Inspiration, things that cause us to support things such as art; and we were all asked to select gold rocks, which represented what we have to give things that are important to us, and put the rock in the bucket that matched our personal cause. When you put a rock in a bucket, it pulled on the rope of the person tied in the apparatus and moved their position! Photos of the art selected for April’s Erotic Art Festival were shown on the wall of the gallery for pre-purchase.

Then, as if it wasn’t fantastic enough, Steve and his partner, black-tie-affair_1Vincent, invited all the guests upstairs to their personal home for the rest of the party! Their space is gorgeous and full of art from Steve, himself, and other notable artists from all over the world. And we got a personal tour of their naughty room, a space full of erotic art ranging from ancient dildos to modern erotica! We were delighted with performances by performance poet Imani Sims, musician Michaud Savage, and burlesque (boylesque) performer Waxie Moon (pictured to the right). Honestly, they were just amazing and wonderful people to meet and get to know. We also were honored to see Miss Indigo Blue of the Academy of Burlesque honored as the 2016 Master of Erotic Art inductee.

We met amazing people and had a wonderful time! We can’t wait for the Seattle Erotic Art Festival and look forward to attending this benefit for years to come! It was truly an honor to attend.

Categories: BDSM, BDSM classes, BDSM list, Center for Sex Positive Culture, Foundation for Sex Positive Culture, rope bondage, Seattle Erotic Art Festival, Seattle Shibari | Tags: | Leave a comment



Maximus and i have been taking classes like crazy from the Center for Sex Positive Culture (CSPC) in Seattle. It’s like we’re making up for all the time we lost being afraid of munches and exploring our local kink community! FetLife has been great for finding these events (and we sure hope FetLife can keep going with all the financial limitations they’ve endured recently due to world politics).

We have been continuing the Tying With Purpose rope series with Suspended Animation. We started with Bondage for Sex, which i described in Rope, Shoes, and Sloppy Blow Jobs, and had Bondage for Power: Tying for Dominance and Pain Play two weeks ago. We really like this group, they are so down to earth and appreciate their approach to teaching this Topic, which can be so intimidating. It has been fun for me to watch Maximus’ skills and comfort with ropes and knots grow—He’s really, really enjoying it! This class taught us:

  • The Bar Tie
  • Ladder Rung
  • Wrists to Crotch
  • The Hobbler
  • The Guatemalan
  • The Toe Crusher

Maximus ADORED the Bar Tie! i have to admit it looks pretty cool and is very practical. It basically creates a handle, which is very convenient for the Top and really objectifying for the bottom (which i adore!!). He picked up this tie so quickly and then added in things He’d learned from the previous class (chest harness and breast bondage, which are His favorites). i was very concerned about the Hobbler, Guatemalan, and Toe Crusher ties as they deal with tying the feet and toes. i am horribly ticklish in a bad, bad way, thanks to my dad tickle torturing us as children, in fact, tickling is a hard limit for me, and Maximus wasn’t going to attempt them on me except i suggested that He proceed cautiously. i really didn’t want Him to not participate in something they were teaching us and Maximus has been the only person who has ever been able to touch my feet, so i said i’d try. He was so careful that He tied these ties very loose, which caused them to completely lose their intended effect. In fact, with the Toe Crusher, in which rope goes in between each toe and then the Top squeezes the toes together laterally to cause pain, did not elicit any pain whatsoever, causing the instructor to come over to squeeze—and then think i was some kind of masochistic badass with an incredibly high pain tolerance since i had little response! i started to worry that maybe i had some kind peripheral neuropathy, and then Maximus tied it tighter and i learned why it was called the Toe Crusher and that i didn’t have nerve disease in my feet—ouch!! But, i didn’t hate having Maximus bind my feet and i enjoyed the pain, so another hard limit softened. i just don’t know if i can be comfortable with others tying or touching my feet like He does.

The next class we will with this group will be the first class in the series, So You Want to Tie People Up, since we started with the second class. That will be this upcoming weekend. It will cover basic techniques, which will be good for Maximus as He had to learn their way of doing the single column knot on the fly at the first class we attended.

We also took a class from Lee Harrington, Making an Impact, which was a primer on impact play. We have listened to Lee Harrington on the Erotic Awakening podcasts and were anxious to meet him. The class was great and so was Lee! He started with anatomy, using Miss Amy Red as his bottom for the class (more great stuff on her later), techniques and body positions for impact play, and then went over different implements of impact play. Lee had brought a large array of impact tools, from gloves to paddles to canes and more! It was great to feel the different tools. i’ve always been curious about canes, but Maximus has been pretty unsure about them, but after learning about them and checking them out, He seems interested in them now. This class helped Maximus wrap His head around the difference between spanking for discipline and spanking for pleasure. As i think i’ve written about before, He really isn’t comfortable with domestic discipline, so spanking has been a conundrum for Him (however using a crop or a flogger has not). The class proved fruitful—which i’ll write about in another post.

And we picked up two of Lee’s books on Shibari, which look awesome! We can’t wait to try the techniques and ties from the books.

And finally, i went to two classes on my own! Miss Amy Red, who was the bottom for Lee’s impact class, presented two classes on service—Service: Devotion in Deed and Artful Service. i enjoyed these very much. While they were described in a way that looked like they were geared just for submissives, they would really be helpful for Dominants as well and i wished Maximus had come along with me.

In Service: Devotion in Deed, Miss Amy Red discussed service relationships and how service doesn’t necessary flow only from the s-type to the D-type. i completely agree with this and haven’t heard others say it before. i feel that while I serve Maximus in our D/s relationship, He serves me as well, primarily by providing the environment that enables me to enjoy my submissive self, being the breadwinner, supporting me in all aspects of my life, and in our interactions. It was refreshing to her Miss Amy Red discuss this. She also addressed ensuring that the relationship is a fair exchange, not causing a depletion in one person, which i totally relate to, feeling that drain in previous relationships and in my career that stopped feeding my soul.

Artful Service dealt with how to increase connection through service, specifically through attention, intention, and gratitude. She and her bottom demonstrated these and how they enhanced the connected between the Top and bottom during acts of service, making it more valuable and beautiful. And it didn’t apply only to the bottom, it applies to the Top as well, changing how the service was received to increase the connection with the bottom. Maximus was very intrigued when i discussed this with Him and we are working to implement these techniques. One thing i did not agree with Miss Amy about was her feeling that anticipatory service was creepy, like Santa Claus spying on children to see if they were being naughty or nice. It’s ok, we’re all entitled to provide service in a manner that makes us feel fulfilled and it’s not something she finds good for herself personally. Maximus and i, on the other hand, appreciate anticipatory service, to the point that it is included in my contract. my goal is to surprise and delight Maximus, which He loves. i generally do not have to spy on Him to figure out how to anticipate His needs, i just have gotten to know Him so well that it comes naturally. For example, we recently spent a staycation in downtown Seattle on a cold and blustery weekend. As we were leaving our house to go downtown, i packed a warm scarf for Maximus—i knew that if i asked Him whether He wanted one He’d say no, but i also knew He would be wanting one once we were out walking around Christmas shopping. Sure enough, when we started out and i pulled out a scarf for Him, He was overjoyed and told me over and over, “Have I told you how much I love my scarf?!?”

But she had HOMEWORK for the class!! i’m so excited about the homework! i will be working on these over the next several weeks and post them. And her handout had a ton of links that i will explore and journal about.

One of the most exciting things is that i learned that Miss Amy Red is one of the hosts of the Libertine Social Club, a high-protocol D/s dinner club held quarterly at the CSPC. Maximus and i have been interested in finding an event like this for training and to experience, especially after we heard about the Eagle Scout and Mmm’s experience with one where they are on the east coast. We’ve been interested and heard a little about the Libertine Social Club at a munch, but since we don’t have any experience in high protocol, were uneasy about looking into attending. However, after talking with Miss Amy Red about it, it is definitely something we can do and sounds like we’d really enjoy. They aren’t running the event until the CSPC has its new space all set up, which is fine, given our crazy busy schedule right now.

The classes have been so wonderful! We have thoroughly enjoyed them and are getting to know people. In fact, we have started to get to know another D/s couple that we’ve met at the D/s discussion group and have attended some of these classes with. They live near us and we’re hoping to carpool to some of these events and have gone to happy hour after one and had a marvelous time! We love hearing about their journey and learning more about them, their kink, and things to explore. It’s nice to have local kinky friends.

Categories: BDSM, BDSM classes, Center for Sex Positive Culture, D/s, Erotic Awakening, FetLife, High Protocol, Lee Harrington, Libertine Social Club, Miss Amy Red, rope bondage, Suspended Animation | Tags: | 2 Comments

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