breast torture

Training Day 15NOV16

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While we were at Desire, Maximus and i had a lot of discussion about how things were going with our D/s, including needs, wants, where we could improve, what needed changing, etc. It was a great conversation to have because we really had put D/s on the back burner while we dealt with issues regarding a huge neighborhood debacle, searching for a new place, renting out our condo, and then moving into our new home.

i wouldn’t say we stopped our D/s, as we continued our CEO/COO roles (especially as i worked the transition from one home to another), but the sexual/sensual aspect really slowed down, nearly to a halt. We continued to have Happy Half most days in order to catch up with each other and give Maximus a time to wind down, but my training stopped, we didn’t review the contract, Maximus didn’t reinforce rules when i failed to obey them, and we rarely had sex. Frankly, we were both emotionally beat from the neighborhood issues, even to the point where Maximus’ health was affected. At Maximus’ request, after He’d been given a clean bill of health and it was determined that His issues were stress-related, i found Him a kink-aware counselor to help Him manage the stress of the situation. She’s been magnificent! (By the way, here is where i have found kink-aware professionals when we’ve needed them from time to time: National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.)  So it suffices to say that we just didn’t have the capacity to really focus on D/s.

However, i will say, and Maximus is very upfront about this, we were able to stay together throughout an extremely stressful period that could have easily fractured most couples. Not only did we not come apart, we grew closer and stronger because of it. This was something new for both of us. i won’t say we didn’t have any conflict throughout this time, we did, and this is the area where i strayed from my rules, but it was nowhere near what it could have been and certainly was nowhere near any of the conflict we had at the beginning of our D/s relationship.

We both agreed that the first thing we needed to do was to review our contract, to make sure we had a solid foundation, and restart my training, to break the bad habits i had developed over the past year. Initially we planned contract review at Desire, but then felt there would be too many distractions and not enough private space for us to really focus on something so important. It was a good choice.

Maximus asked me to prepare a space for contract review to coincide with Happy Half (i’m not sure i’ve gone into detail about Happy Half other than a notation in a post about a prior contract review, so i’ll make sure to go into detail about this in a future entry). He also instructed me to prepare our bedroom for a scene after training was completed, including waterproofing our mattress, ensuring bed restraints were accessible, and assembling cuffs, spring links, spreader bars, clover nipple clamps, two Hitachi wands, img_1226gags, blindfold, crop, and lube. i happily went off to do this and returned to Him naked, wearing only my Christian Louboutin heels He bought for me in Paris, to let Him know the tasks had been completed. He’d initially planned to start our training in an hour an a half, but appearing naked, He immediately moved up our training time! (Note: One of the things that Maximus has requested since i moved in two years ago was that i spend as much time as practical being naked and clad in stilettos. But because we lived in a condo adjacent to a community pond and dealing with neighborhood issues, i was not comfortable in doing this. Our new home affords us much more privacy and upon returning from Desire, where we were naked most of the time, i have been more able to comply with Maximus’ direction). i prepared a bottle of champagne and two flutes, two copies of our contract, pens, and my collar, which Maximus secured upon the commencement of my training.

We had great discussion while reviewing our contract. First, we had to update our address! He commended me on remembering to address Him as Sir or Maximus, after He’d corrected me when i had failed to do so in a Tweet prior to our trip to Desire.

tweet-and-textWe discussed finding a community here like we have with the Swingset group at Desire and how to go about doing that. i was tasked with updating our Fetlife profiles and finding munches/classes to go to in order to meet like-minded others. And tasked with re-establishing contacts in swinging as well. We talked about the troubles we’d had in finding others in BDSM in the past (mostly trepidation on our part) and that we just needed to “get over ourselves” and do it. This led into going over how we play with others, my ownership and His dedication to me. i will not be given away as property to another Dom/me, rather loaned to serve/play in a scene as He is comfortable with at His will, with my ability to request; and that He will not take on other submissives or become submissive to another. And we had quite a discussion on polyamory, which i will discuss in another posting (we are not polyamorous).

Maximus was very pleased that i was spending more time naked while at home. We discussed the parameters of this and that i was to be naked as much as practical, that is, if i am working on projects that require me to go in and out of the house, have multiple errands during the day, guests scheduled, or doing something that it is safer to be clothed, i do not have to go in and out of a clothed state–i am to wear clothing as not to interfere with getting my tasks done in those cases. An apron, sexy lingerie, silky robe may be worn and while stilettos are His preferred choice of footwear for me, He understands that this can be an issue going up and down our hardwood stairs all day. His preference is that i am in stilettos for Happy Half when i am naked. And i was instructed to find a wrap-around dress that i can keep by the front door and quickly don should i need to answer the door, as it would not be appropriate for me to answer the door in a silky bathrobe.

We deferred going through my BDSM checklist until our next training as our review had already taken an hour and a half.

We then had our scene. Maximus led me upstairs and i knelt on my kneeling pillow. He applied my cuffs to my wrists, blindfolded me, inserted the ball gag and instructed me to tap my right hand on the bed for my safeword since i would not be able to speak. He then took me to standing, applied the clover nipple clamps, took off my shoes, and positioned me on my back on the bed. my wrists were secured to the bed restraint system, cuffs applied to my ankles, spreader bar secured and restrained spread eagle. Maximus cropped my breasts and clit, fingered me so i squirted over and over. He then brought the spreader bar holding my ankles up to my wrists and secured me, exposing my pussy. Unfortunately, i had squirmed up against the headboard, unbeknownst to Maximus and positioning me this way jammed my head to the side and into my chest, giving me a sensation of choking against my collar. i tried to overcome this feeling, but i had made a mistake in putting two Liberator blankets on the bed over the waterproof sheeting, velvet side up, and i’d gotten really warm because of it, which was causing me to overheat and feel suffocated. i had to tap out and while i tried to stay calm, i got a little anxious because i’d waited too long to safeword. Maximus did a wonderful job of getting my mouth and neck free of the gag ball and collar so i could communicate that i needed to be pulled away from the headboard. Maximus also discovered that my squirming had not only pushed me into the padded leather headboard, but that it had caused the tail end of my collar to come out and bind behind my neck, causing the collar to feel tighter.

i was upset that i’d had to safeword out. i really hate that as i fear that i am disappointing Maximus. And, i was really looking forward to the play while being restrained all-fours on the spreader bar. But Maximus was thrilled with the play we’d had, especially the copious amount of white cum i’d sprayed all over, which was dripping down the headboard!

i don’t know why i used the Liberator blankets over the plastic sheeting. Normally i put it under a fitted cotton bed sheet, which is so much cooler. Mistake from not having a scene for several months. But a great learning experience to apply in future scenes.

Maximus freed me from all the restraints and left the clover clamps to last. It is always excruciating to have those removed! Maximus allowed me to curl into Him as He removed the first one, causing me to scream. He loves to cup and squeeze my breast after He removes the clamps, which make it even more painful–but so, so good! The second one came off the same way. And i had such beautiful bite marks (that itched for days as they healed, a constant reminder of Him)!

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Categories: 24/7, BDSM contract, breast torture, Christian Louboutin Red Bottomed Shoes, D/s, nipple clamps, Spreader bar, training | Leave a comment

Desire’s First Dungeon!

Photo by @DylantheThomas

Wednesday night was a first at Desire–they hosted a dungeon for the kinksters here at the Swingset takeover. The staff actually made some fabulous apparatus from plans provided by J.V. and Shara: a cross, spanking bench, and kneeling bench. It was wonderful to have a place for our kink.

Maximus had me dress in a net dress that has cut-outs for each breast, my cuffs and collar, the black iridescent ultra high heels He surprised me with several years ago, and the slutty makeup He loves (lots of black eyeliner/mascara and red lipstick).

We arrived early into the Dungeon hours as we were concerned we wouldn’t get in! i didn’t have a lot of time to check out the dungeon before Maximus blindfolded me, but i do recall people draping the cross with towels for a scene. The play space was cordoned off for spectators and there were several couples standing and seated to watch.

Maximus led me over to a sheet-covered, cushioned, flat platform and applied my leather blindfold. i really appreciated being blindfolded so i wouldn’t be distracted by onlookers or other play adjacent to us in the dungeon. He then pulled my dress up to my waist, spread my legs apart, slid his hand into my dripping pussy, and caused me to squirt. i was so turned on that i ejaculated a huge amount, more than Maximus expected so early, and we were not prepared. i made a huge puddle on the tile floor that Maximus covered with towels. He reset me so i stood spread on the towels, arms extended like a Vitruvian man. He grabbed me and held me tightly against Him, His lips in my ear, one hand in my pussy, instructing me not to cum. It was so hard. He squeezed my nipples, again denying my orgasm. And then release, He returned to my pussy and gave me permission to cum. He did this over and over. All the while i held my arms outstretched to the sides. i’m usually restrained in this position–this was the first time i didn’t have straps or ropes to lean my aching arms into and it took a lot of concentration to maintain.

After some time with this, Maximus moved me to a seated position on the platform, pivoted me and told me to lay on my back with my legs spread/bottoms of my feet together. He applied nipple suction to both breasts and twisted then until they started pulling a vacuum. He whispered in my ear that my right nipple was dripping clear fluid under the pressure and that He was very proud of me.

Next came the crop. He cropped my breasts, first while they were flaccid with the tubes, and then taut while he pulled on the vacuum devices. And then He cropped my mons, pussy, and clit. Again, i was unrestrained, no spreader bar, no thigh cuffs or straps/rope, and was told to keep my legs spread and feet together. Oh that was hard!

Maximus alternated between cropping, tightening the nipple tubes, and making me squirt. He stopped denying my orgasms, whispering roughy in my ear that i may cum freely–and i did, over and over.

i did have to call my yellow safeword a couple of times as my clit and pussy took the edge of the crop flap several times. It was unusual for that to happen.

After this, Maximus did something entirely new. After increasing vacuum on my nipples again, He grabbed both tubes and pulled them away from my body, stretching my breasts out and then pushing them back into me over and over in rapid succession. It was wonderful! He’d do this until i came, give me a rest, and would then repeat. It was thrilling as i was never sure if the tubes would pull off, which can be searingly painful and usually throws me into subspace, but they never pulled off. I did have to call yellow after many rounds of this as it became more aggressive and i felt i might have heart palpitations if it continued any longer. From my medical background i know that you can create an electrical response and dysrhythmias from striking the chest in a procedure called precordial thump, and I felt we were getting too close to that. It did take my breath away, which was an interesting sensation.

Maximus then whispered in my ear that it was time for Him to remove my nipple tubes. He massaged my breast before squeezing it tightly and released vacuum on the tube. After pulling the tube, Maximus squeezed my freed, elongated, purple nipple while i gasped and came. He repeated the other side. He sat me up and let me get my equilibrium before assisting me to standing, but my legs were too wobbly to stay up. i heard one of the other subs who were coordinating the aftercare room come over and check on us, bringing towels for Maximus to wrap me in. Eventually I was able to stand. Maximus kept my blindfolded and led me to the aftercare room.

The aftercare room was colder than i would have liked. It wasn’t the fault of those running the dungeon–the back playroom has been notoriously too cold the last three years Maximus and i have visited it. We’ve never been able to successfully play in there because of the low temperature. Knowing this, Maximus piled on blankets and towels and wrapped Himself around me. He told me how well I’d done, stroked my hair, and helped me drink some water. When He determined I was okay, He went back to the dungeon to collect our things and clean up the space–one of the aftercare subs stayed with me.

When He returned i let Him know i was ready to have the blindfold removed and then my cuffs and collar. He was prepared for me to go sub when removing my cuffs, as i did the other night, but it only made me gasp and curl into Him rather than sending me into subspace.

We talked about the scene and i was surprised it hadn’t gone longer. He said He stopped the scene as when checking my skin temperature it had suddenly dropped. i’d not noticed this and never felt cold.  i think having a shorter scene than we usually do kept me from going sub.

Toys Maximus had me pack.

The aftercare room got too cold for me so Maximus led me out by the dungeon area to leave. We stopped briefly so i could see what was happening and i was thrilled to see all the areas being used and lot of people watching. People came up to thank us for the scene, hug me, and compliment on my smeared makeup (those were people who knew that was a fetish for Maximus). And then Maximus led me out, down the stairs of the disco, and over to the hot tub.

During our debriefing in the hot tub, Maximus noted that He felt the most connected He has ever felt in our kink play in a public space. He said He was able to focus on me rather than be distracted by other things going on in the dungeon or crowd. This was a big thing as He is easily distracted. He did look into the crowd twice, He said, and was entertained by the sight of women holding their own breasts and grimacing in response to what He was doing! He asked about the yellows from me and i shared about the crop edges. Apparently the size of the platform and proximity of the cordon to separate onlookers put Him at a difficult angle rather than squared off to me and that He’d be more aware of that in the future.

Back in our room later, we reveled at my purple nipples and red ring around each aerola before fucking.

The next day someone asked us about the noise from onlookers talking while we were scening. i replied that i never even heard them and only heard orgasms or cries from others in the dungeon once or twice. We were both extremely focused on our scene.

It’s Friday and my nipples are now blotchy red. i’ve loved these marks and how they’ve changed from deep purple to red.

Desire has my vote for a repeat dungeon!

Categories: aftercare, BDSM, BDSM dungeon, breast torture, Desire, Dom/sub, Dungeon Party, J.V. and Shara, nipple clamps, sensory deprivation play, Sex resort, Swingers resort | Leave a comment

Unexpected Bliss

i had an amazing night last night. i hardly know how to describe it.

It’s been an overwhelming year for Maximus and me, the time between last year’s Swingset Desire trip and now. Neighborhood drama, a new grandson, son’s wedding, suicide of a cherished play partner, hypothyroid healing, moving, work, etc, and it’s really interfered with our D/s, play, and even just plain sex. We’ve had maybe one scene and therefore i’ve not worn my cherished collar or cuffs much.

Last night’s theme was Innapropriate Behavior and Deviant Desires. Getting ready for the trip, i pondered this theme and decided that instead of me dressing Maximus for this night, Maximus would choose for me, meaning that i would wear His favorite things from our play: my red satin lined leather collar and cuffs, my red satin ribbon laced vinyl boots, the black G-string with the metal C-ring in front and matching cupless underwire bra with metal C-rings for my nipples to protrude, silver bell tweezer nipple clamps, bright red smearable lipstick, heavy black eyeliner and non-waterproof mascara that would run down my face if my eyes water, and messy, freshly fucked wild hair. This is His favorite way for me to dress for Him.

And, the foxtail buttplug.

Mind you, i’ve NEVER worn my foxtail out other than one small house party where it freaked our friends out and i promptly removed it, and a play session with kinky friends with my original foxtail where the tail was accidentally broken in the middle of a scene causing an immediate, horrible crash for me. i adore my tail, it’s special, extremely personal, and i’m terrified of it being broken, grabbed, or misunderstood. It’s not a costume, it’s not a sex toy, it’s my persona, my spirit animal, an extension of my soul and sexuality, sacred. Maximus has asked me for the past two years to bring it to the Desire trip and i have refused, afraid of it being mistreated by unintentional mishandling by others, being shamed, and it being damaged by the humidity or water from the pool/spa. Taking my tail was my gift to Maximus and He was beyond thrilled. This was a big thing. BIG.

Getting ready in the room, our neighbor came over to visit, saw my tail set out on the bed with my things, and immediately made a beeline for it. Terror shot through me. Somehow i managed to squeak out, “Careful, that’s my tail, it’s important to me,” before he grabbed it without permission. i picked it up to show him as he reached for it exclaiming, “Does that go in your butt?!?!?” Crap, it’s my nightmare, everything i was afraid of. Maximus recognized this. i handed my tail to Him and retreated into the bathroom so He could explain the tail to our neighbor, and did my makeup.

i dressed after our neighbor left. Panties, boots, bra, silver bells, tail. And as our protocol, knelt with my hands holding up the back of my hair so Maximus could put my collar on me, and then my cuffs, one by one.

i felt amazing. It is difficult to describe exactly what it was other than i felt entirely me, energized, confident, bulletproof, beautiful, turned on. my pussy dripped down my legs, into my boots.

The party was fantastic. Many people were amazed. No one grabbed my tail, people asked to stroke it and i held it for them to touch. Some people seemed put off by it but i didn’t care. i was able to tell the story of my tail, what it meant to me, and how it wasn’t a costume for me. We visited with a woman who’d come to the previous night’s party as a pony, completely recognized by me as a pony, not a costume, and had encouraged me by her presence as her pony persona with her gorgeous tail to be brave enough to wear mine tonight. We understood the significance of each others tails.

But most of all, i was me. It was empowering.

We went up to the hot tub area later to watch the show, which was moved back to the disco. i spent some time as a “therapy fox” for someone who needed some comfort, enjoying the time as they stroked my soft tail. Then suddenly the bed at the top of the stairs appeared to glow as if under spotlights, beckoning me. i asked Maximus if we could spend some time together on that glowing bed and He led the way.

And then the most amazing, unplanned scene happened. i got on all fours and Maximus slid beneath me to lick my pussy. The panties came off but my tail remained. He finger fucked me, made me squirt all over Him before moving behind to fuck me hard, yanking my hair. It was fantastic! my collar ring clanged, my silver bells rang, i was in heaven. Maximus walked in front of me and fucked my mouth, smearing my red lipstick all over my face and sending a torrent of black eyeliner and mascara down my cheeks. He then fucked me hard and we reveled in our sex.

After some aftercare, i decided i wanted to go to the hot tub. We spent time discussing it as it meant removing my tail, cuffs, and collar, but in the end i decided it was time. Kneeling into Maximus on the bed, He gently unclasped the cuff, pulled the end free of the buckle and slid the satin off my skin, holding my wrist against His chest. It made me gasp and a sob came from deep within me. Tears welled into my eyes and i leaned deeper into Him. He kissed my wrist and reached over to my other hand, pulling it into Him. Again, He removed the second cuff and i crumbled, tumbled immediately into subspace. my collar came off next, then my tail, where i clutched it to my chest and sobbed. He gently removed my boots and held me, leaving my silver bell nipple clamps.

i remember feeling so naked, like a turtle pulled out of its shell. It took a long time for Maximus to bring me back, wrapped up in towels and held.

He led me to the hot tub when i was ready enough and we slid into the warm water, me oblivious to everyone else there. He held me close in the water and i was suddenly ravenous for Him. i’ve never had this reaction after subspace before, but i was enormously horny and couldn’t leave Him alone! i jumped onto His cock and fucked Him, reached behind and pulled my legs onto His shoulders and rammed myself onto Him. He finger fucked my ass. Orgasm after orgasm, even squirting hot streams of cum all over His cock. Exhausted in bliss, i snuggled into His neck.

He left for a moment to get me some water and returned with some more experienced BDSM friends and explained what happened, a bit concerned about me. i do remember this, but was so blissed out that i was beyond speech.

Suddenly i got cold, yes, in a hot tub! Maximus led me out, dried me off and took me downstairs for pizza before collapsing to sleep–with just one more fucking from Maximus after removing my silver bell clamps in bed before i slid off into slumber.

We don’t know why i had such an intense reaction. We think it was a combination of being so long since we’d scened, a long time since i’d been collared and cuffed, and the first time i’d been my true self with my tail in a large group situation. And i had been on such a high in my cuffs, collar, boots, etc, and had associated it with my appearance that removing it made me feel stripped naked.

It was definitely a night to remember.

Categories: aftercare, BDSM, breast torture, butt plug, collaring, fox tail, fox tail butt plug, foxtail, foxtail butt plug, leather cuffs, nipple clamps, objectification, subspace, Swingers resort | Leave a comment

Reflections on Desire, Part 3

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Kinky Desire

Last year when we went to Desire we didn’t really see much kinky, BDSM play. There was one collared submissive, a latex couple, a demonstration on flogging, but really we got the impression that kinky BDSM play wasn’t really a part of this group. It was fine, we’re happy to be just swingers.

But this year, as we’d been working on defining our M/s, we struggled with going just as swingers. We’d had a long enough break from Total Power Exchange (TPE) and we were looking forward to bringing ourselves back up to speed during this trip. As we talked about what to pack for the trip, however, we just felt we might isolate ourselves if we brought too many BDSM accouterments. We’d run into this before when Maximus had me wear my foxtail butt plug to one of M&S’s swinger parties…it just kind of creeped-out our friends.

So Maximus picked out our toys accordingly. We left my collar and cuffs at home and Maximus instructed me to get one of those elastic stretch tattoo necklaces that i could wear 24/7 to represent my collar. He felt i would be more comfortable with that anyway due to the heat. And we packed our Sportsheets cuffs and tethers. Maximus wanted our small and medium floggers, as well as our crop, as we saw there would be another flogging demonstration. Because we were hosting a sensory deprivation orgy, i packed all of our blindfolds, including my special leather one for me, and our feather on a stick. We had several dildos and vibrators, including two wands, the penis extender (mainly for us in our room as not to freak people out), and my new InJoyUs strapless strap-on because we had some strap-on play last year. We also brought rope and safety shears. The kinkiest toys we packed were my Bejeweled butt plug, clover nipple clamps on a chain, and nipple suction, all important devices for Maximus which He intended to use in our room.

However, shortly after we arrived, we realized there were a lot more kinky people at the Life on the Swingset Desire takeover this year! And we wished we’d brought our kinky toys. Not only were there kinksters, but several more people in D/s or M/s dynamics. This was exciting for us, as we wanted to talk to others about their dynamic and learn from them about their protocols, rules, et cetera. J.V. and Shara of Ending the Sexual Dark Age were there, as well as an M/s couple from California who manage a dungeon. Our friends from the last year, Eagle Scout and Mmmm, who we thought had a D/s dynamic, were actually going to be doing one of the flogging demonstrations with J.V.! Wow, had we underestimated the group this year!

There were several kink events. J.V. and Shara hosted several munches, and quite a few people attended. There was a kinky toy show-and-tell after the vanilla toy show-and-tell, and that was the first time we really realized we had made a mistake in not bringing our kink bag. And then there was the flogging demonstration and a kink salon hosted by J.V. and Shara.

The flogging demonstration was wonderful. J.V. discussed dungeon etiquette, consent, RISK and SSC, and types of floggers. But as soon as i walked in, i could hear jingling rings of collars worn by Mmmm and LodiPet, and my mood immediately dropped–i missed my collar. It was the same reaction i had when i went to Venus in Fur with AwesomeA, that sound triggers something in me. Eagle Scout demonstrated Florentine flogging on Mmmm which was beautiful to watch, and then J.V. flogged Ginger from the Swingset crew.

We did win a raffle prize–a gorgeous leather rose flogger. It really is

beautiful, so much so that i thought it wasn’t one of the options to choose from at the prize table! We’ve not used it yet, but i’m sure it will lead to a journal posting once we do.

Maximus was very interested in learning new flogging techniques from Eagle Scout. We had a great connection with him and Mmmm last year and this year picked right up where we left off. Maximus and i had discussed having Eagle Scout flog me and we’d also discussed this with Mmmm and Eagle Scout, to which they had also expressed interest.

We had a chance to do this at J.V. and Shara’s salon. The four of us were the first to arrive, giving us enough space to do this in their suite. i leaned forward, holding onto a ledge while Eagle Scout performed Florentine flogging while explaining it to Maximus. He offered Maximus an opportunity to try it out, but He’d had a few drinks and did not feel comfortable trying it under that condition. i was surprised, the flogging got fairly intense for me quite quickly. i knew from the demonstration earlier that he wasn’t even close to mid-steam. It seemed like the flogger was hitting in the same places at the lateral ends on my outer thighs, and i had to use my yellow safeword. Eagle Scout was surprised as well, as my skin hadn’t even gotten reddened or warm. After discussing it with Eagle Scout, Maximus and i both realized that we’d not done a lot of work on my backside other than short sequences of flogging, spanking, and the crop. The majority of the work has been on my breasts. Learning this, Eagle Scout did some flogging on my breasts, and while he was concerned about going too strong, it was barely registering on me and i wished he’d done more. Turns out he’d done very little breast flogging and was very nervous about it. i’d like more!

Maximus took me to the bed after the flogging and applied the nipple suction tubes. People were very intrigued. He worked them for about 45 minutes, pulling my nipples over an inch. We walked around and socialized, talked about the nipple suction and the nipple play that Maximus does, including pinching until i orgasm, nipple clamps with and without weights, clothes pins, and striking my clamped breasts with the crop. He removed the tubes, which didn’t have a lot of orgasmic or painful response since they’d not been on too long. Shara brought me over a towel and wrapped it around my shoulders and thanked me for sharing our scene, sharing that she could not have endured such nipple play. i was so surprised. i was truly honored that she thanked me for our scene, i was just humbled by her and her words. Several others, including Mmmm, LodiPet, and Ginger also expressed that they could not imagine such play. i realized that Maximus had succeeded in nipple and breast torture training of me, giving me great endurance. He noted, however, that it was obviously time to do similar training to my backside…

We learned a valuable lesson this year at Desire. We learned how important it is to be our authentic selves. Fear, and really, irrational fear, lead us to not bringing tools that allow us to fully express ourselves, and because of that, we missed out on some things that truly give us pleasure. i missed my collar and cuffs–i am so proud of them and what they represent, and i felt their absence. We will bring our complement of BDSM equipment next year, even if that means checking a third bag. We are among friends, among peers, among fellow kinksters. We are who we are, and although some people may not understand it, there are many who will and many who appreciate authenticity.

Categories: BDSM, breast torture, D/s, Desire, Dom/sub, Ending the Sexual Dark Age, flogging, J.V. and Shara, M/s, Sex resort | 2 Comments

Eyes Wide Open

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i knelt in the bedroom on the white fur rug, waiting for Maximus to prepare the guest room for our session. He came to me, brought me to standing, and led me to the room to stand next to the bed.

“Hold your hair up.” He instructed as He brought my collar toward my neck. The collar was fastened tightly, “Good,” He said, as He pulled against the ring on the front to test it.

Next came the matching cuffs, first left, then right, then instructed me to lay on my back on the bed. Each wrist cuff was secured to the cast iron posts of the headboard, my arms pulled at a 45-degree angle from my body like a Y.

“I’m leaving your legs free,” He informed me, and then straddled my waist.

Vacuum tubes were next, one on each nipple, but only tightened enough to draw the nipple to just off the end of the plunger. The goal was to see if the nipple elongates into the tube under vacuum to touch the plunger and then tighten it more to draw it further in, slowing stretching the nipple to fill the entire chamber. i closed my eyes to escape into the depths of my submission, which i love.

“Keep your eyes open,” Maximus instructed. “Keep them open the whole time. I want to see into your soul.”

This is going to be hard for me. i want to escape.

Maximus began to crop my pussy, clit, and anus, which i love. The end of the crop slid over my clit and trailed over my body. The crop struck softly and increased in intensity. Suddenly He pulled it back quickly and it came forward like a flash in a hard hit but stopped before it hits my body. i gasped!

“Don’t flinch.”

This repeated over and over, on my breasts, my sex. i bit my lip to keep from gasping and flinching. i fought to keep my eyes open, fighting my desire to both escape and avoid flinching by not witnessing His game.

“Good girl.”

i alerted Maximus, “Sir, my nipple has contacted the plunger.”

“Oooh,” He cooed, “thank you for noticing for Me,” and He increased the screw to increase the vacuum.

He slammed His cock inside of me, His face hovering over mine, mouth open, staring into my eyes. Saliva must be coming, i’m sure of it, the one thing i have difficulty with–and He knows that. But no, before fluid drips from His mouth He kissed me, mouth open, tongue probing. He pulled away and positioned to drool on me again, forcing me to fight not to wince or turn my head. This repeats and He giggled.

Next, lube poured onto my anus and smeared over the head of the new giant cock dildo Maximus bought for me. The head pushed into me slowly, agonizingly slowly. my anal sphincter begrudgingly opened and the head advanced in, the widening girth of the head stretching me but not slipping past, holding my anal ring expanded and not allowing it to release over the end of the glans to the shaft.

“Oh, it’s too much!” i cry and Maximus retracted it.

He tried again, again agonizingly slow…if He’d only allow it to completely enter me, let my anal ring relax onto the shaft. But no, it’s too much again.

“Please sir, please dilate me.”

Anal beads then slip completely into me–completely! It’s not that my ass is not wanting or willing. Next came a glass dildo with little bumps all over it. The bumps are too much for my ass.

The cock reappeared.

“Oh Sir, please, please insert it faster, i know i can take it if it enters more quickly. But it’s too much now. my ass spasms and fights the cock. i am so disappointed. The cock disappeared.

Clothespins then appeared. Maximus roughly pinched at my labia, bringing each side up and securing them together with clothespins. My labia is pinned from my ass to the hood of my clit.

“Pussy is closed,” He remarked and then released a long stream of saliva onto my throbbing exposed clit.

His fingers circled and pinched my knob of nerves and then bought His mouth to tease it more. His body banged against the ends of the clothespins, moving and twisting them. He sat back and brought forth the clover clamps on the chain. i’m terrified as i watch this, i’ve never watched this before. i’m so scared. The clothespins were placed so rapidly and roughly, i’m afraid the clover clamp will be placed in the same manner. i gasp, “Yellow…”

He let go of the clamp and it’s too much for me. “Red, red, red,”  and tears begin to flow. He removed the clamp.

“Hmmmm, let’s see what we can do here.”

Clothespins are attached to my right breast, adjacent to the vacuum tube. The tube has been tightened during our scene whenever He notices that my nipples have elongated further under the pressure. my nipples are so long, longer than we’ve ever seen them. He pulled on the tubes, stretching my breasts, but not releasing the vacuum. my breasts are slapped, bit, i can’t flinch, i can’t close my eyes, i have to watch. Sometimes the hits are hard, sometimes soft, but the motions are difficult to discern. my mind reels.

Suddenly, Maximus pulled the right tube off my nipple without releasing the pressure, pinched the nipple tightly and immediately installed the clover clamp at the base of the elongated tit at the aerola. More slaps, more bites. He tightend the left vacuum tube and then laid on it as He tortured my right breast.

He reached down, inserted one, then two, then three, four, all five fingers into my sopping pussy, fisting me. He forced my legs up, hooking my toes on the cast iron cross pieces above my head, and pounded my G-spot. i squirt over and over into my face and into my eyes. His hands come up to my mouth for me to suck my juices off of.

“Taste. you taste good, don’t you?”

“Yes, Sir, i taste good.”

And then, unlike any other session before, Maximus fucked me! His cock pounded me hard, His face over mine, mouth open, eyes drilling into mine. He came hard, yelling, suddenly.

But we are not done.

Spanks, flogger, and crop continue. Now i must count. He stood next to the bed. i never know where He will strike next or how hard or soft it will be. i am wet and each strike is extenuated by this. The cast iron footboard prevents Him from striking my sex straight on, He has to approach perpendicularly. Because of this, sometimes the shaft of the crop canes me, something we’ve never done before. It’s so stingy, so painful, but i cannot speak now other than to count.

i’m getting lost in my fear, i realizing that He’s been mindfucking me the entire time, forcing me to keep my eyes open and be present, to watch and have to anticipate what He’s going to do, anticipate how hard the strike will be and not flinch. i’m losing my mind.

i can’t take any more. my legs close.

“Open your legs!” He demanded.

i can’t.

“Open your legs!” He repeated. He pried my legs apart and the cropping continues.

my legs close again. Tears stream down my face, “No, no, no, no, no!”

He pried my legs again and crops. my legs close and He forced my closed legs up above my head and began to spank my bottom.

“No, no, no, no, no!” i cried, my head shaking back and forth. i slip away, i’m now a child of six or seven, my father restraining me in a tickle torture. i can’t breathe, i sob uncontrollably. i am terrified.

“RED!”

Maximus released me, releasing my legs and lays upon me.

“It’s okay, it’s okay. you’re safe.” as He stroked my face and kissed my tears.

He released my left nipple from the vacuum tube, released my wrists, removed the cuffs and collar, and curled His body around me. i’m freezing, chilled, goosebumped, and shaking.

“you’re body is burning up,” He noticed.

But i’m freezing. He covered me with a blanket and returned with sips of water.

i cannot talk yet, still reeling about what happened and worried i might have scared Him. We slept together entwined.

About an hour and a half later He woke me so we could get cleaned up to meet friends for dinner. He mentioned concern that i’ve never been so quiet after one of our scenes before. i explain that it was just so intense and that i was worried that my response at the end scared Him.

“Two reds,” He said, “Wow! That’s awesome. I’ve never gotten a red from you before, let alone TWO.”

“That was a complete mindfuck!” i explained. “you made me watch everything, forced me not to flinch, played with the intensity but never let me know what the intensity level would be. You pretended to drool on my face but didn’t.  i was terrified! You could have done all those things , have done all those things before, without a yellow or reds if my eyes were closed.”

“That’s exactly what I wanted to do,” Maximus smiled.

Categories: BDSM, breast torture, clothespins, mindfuck | Leave a comment

We Got VD – Valentine’s Day!

Goodness gracious! So sorry about the long absence, but i got super sick with influenza, yes, one of the thousands who got the flu bug, and even ended up in the hospital for a couple of days to recover.

Maximus was a saint through it all. i had requested that He continue with His business trip while i was in the hospital, a trip that turned out to be extremely important. Unfortunately, i got pumped up full of steroids between the time He left and came down, and He was confronted by a very angry gabriella by text and telephone, demanding that He not bother to come, as i had twisted the timeline in my infected state and believed He had stalled the trip down. my angry email that i am not proud of:

Everyone else has offered to help, to come stay, to bring something.
Everyone else has checked in with me rather than having me check in with them.
i didn’t want everyone else.
i wanted You to go on your business trip because it was important and i thought You’d be right back to see me. i was wrong.
You called on your way to the airport. You texted when You were in bed at Your brothers, so i wouldn’t bother Your sleep. i didn’t even know when You were coming back, You never bothered to share Your itinerary. You said You’d text when You landed and You didn’t. Your supposed arrival date here has changed 5 times. i heard all about what a priority Swimmer Guy’s mail was.
i don’t feel like a priority.
If tables were reversed, i would checked on You constantly, until You told me to stop. i would have come straight to You on my way home from the business trip. Nothing would have stopped me.
Don’t bother now. You’ve proved your point. i have everyone else.

Maximus’ simple reply:

See you later today.

Kisses

GOT

i barely let Him in the house when He arrived and i growled at Him, “i told you not to come.” i was in the tub when He arrived, thinking that i’d succeeded in convincing Him not to come down. “Well, if you’re going to fire Me, you’re going to do that to my face. you’re sick, baby, this is being sick talking. Can I at least hold you?” He came to me and wrapped His arms around me, pressing my face into His chest. “What medications do they have you on anyway?” Maximus checked my medications and started to chuckle. “No wonder you’re angry, look how much Predisone they have you on….you’re ‘roid raging!”

Maximus got me calmed down. He then cleaned every surface of my house with a Costco-sized package of Clorox wipes, fed me, started loads of laundry, changed my bedding, and put me to bed. He worked from my home and took care of me, giggled about my raspy voice that turned into a little girl’s voice as i recovered. He was quite the doting caregiver and i was well on my way to recovery when He headed home.

Our Valentine’s Day plans were for after Valentine’s Day and included me heading up on the train. We’ve discovered this is a less-expensive and very enjoyable way to travel to see each other. The train has wi-fi, albeit kinda spotty as it is cellular-based and doesn’t have consistent coverage the whole route, and they serve wine! The trip takes the same amount of time, but we arrive rested. As i was going to be taking the train, i became concerned about being able to transport His Valentine’s Day present as it was bulky and fragile. i wrapped His gift and He took it home to open when i arrived later.

i decided to harken back to 1930’s movies where a woman traveled by train to her lover, all decked out, and was met by Him at the train station. i wore a low-cut, cap sleeve, short flowing dress, white with black rose motif in honor of Valentine’s Day and red satin peep toe stilettos. Maximus was waiting out front for me.

We had an amazing prix fixe three-course dinner at a quaint restaurant in Seattle. We ordered cocktails and i presented Maximus with another Valentine’s gift, brass collar stays with racy hidden messages engraved into them, stored in a case that i had monogrammed GOT. i’d noticed in His travel bag that He carried a few old plastic collar stays and really deserved something much better than that. Maximus just loved them and as fate would have it, the shirt He was wearing had lost both collar stays, so He went through the case and picked out two that spoke to Him and i leaned across the table and inserted them for Him. So perfect! Inside His card, i wrote out a poem from Tyler Knott Gregson, All Things, that touched me as it made me think of Maximus:

All Things

You are all things
and in all things
I find you.
I see you in the ruffled
sheets still painted
with the silhouette of morning;
I see you in the tea that stains
the water that fills this cup.
I hear you,
your shuffled laughter as the
sound of a page turning
in every book I read.
The sound of my own breath
echoing in my own ears
before sleep and it’s you
whispering between the exhales.
You are all things
and in that
you are never
gone.
In all things
I find you and in that
we are never
apart.

Maximus was very struck by the same lines as i, and toasted “you are all things and in all things I find you.” It was absolutely stunning. 

We started talking and talking, about us, about our D/s relationship, about fears and the process of beating down those fears. Maximus revealed that He was no longer fearful of me sleeping with someone else, as in literally sleeping with someone i’ve been having sex with as part of our swinging lifestyle and playing separately. He trusts me and knows that i love only Him and that i would not betray Him. Sleeping with someone is not something that i had done very often in the past even as a single woman. As our contract requires, i had asked Maximus several months ago if i could go to the coast at the invitation of CycloMed, as his guest in a hotel where he was attending a convention, for a sexual rendevouz, but that it would, for safety reasons, i.e. driving home in the middle of the night on dangerous roads in the rain, be better if i could stay the rest of the night and drive home in the morning. Maximus not only agreed, but insisted that He would be angry if i attempted to drive home in the middle of the night from the coast; however, CycloMed had to cancel and it didn’t occur. i’d not requested another sleepover since, and really it wasn’t an issue. i had, however, received an invitation to get together with Wildride Pilot next month during some layovers, which i had informed Maximus about, and planned on telling Maximus this weekend that i was going to book a separate room to sleep in on the night that we’d not be getting together until very late. i think this invitation had gotten Maximus to think about this rule, even though i had not yet given Him the specifics as to times we would be meeting.

This lead to all kinds of great discussion about trust and fear, how our relationship and, thus contract, has evolved–it was just a terrific conversation.

We then headed home. Maximus instructed me to go inside, stand in the great room and wait for Him. He said He’d carry in my bag. i brought all of our toys with me this trip, except the chain mail dress, as He’d instructed for His plans for me–i had to pack the toy bag inside of my biggest suitcase and pack clothes around it and it weighed in at 49 pounds, one pound under the limit for checked baggage on the train! Maximus came in and told me to close my eyes and hold out my arms. He placed a package in my arms and when i opened my eyes found gorgeous red towels for my bathroom (Maximus decided i needed special towels for my master bath rather than all the same towels between my bathrooms)! It was a great Valentine’s gift and we laughed and laughed about it.

He instructed me to close my eyes again…this time a bag from Victoria’s Secret was placed in my hands. It was full of beautiful new panties, all styles, all colors and designs. Maximus had gone through my underwear drawer while taking care of me and was woefully unimpressed at my current collection. Maximus pulled my dress off over my head, removed my bra (bras aren’t to be worn after 6:30 PM at Maximus’), leaving me in my red stiletto heels as i’d not worn panties, just my bejeweled butt plug and Benwah balls. Maximus picked a pair of panties from the bag, steadied me, slipping my feet through the panties and sliding them up onto me, dressing me. He had me turn to model them, admiring them on me, telling me the story of picking them out. He then removed them and repeated with each pair. i absolutely loved being dressed by Him, like a doll. At the bottom of the bag was a sexy form-fitting short black lace nightie. He pulled off the last pair of panties and slipped the nightie over my head for me to model for Him. My current nightie and pajama collection was not impressive to Him (and truly, i never wear nighties or pajamas unless i’m sick, so they are admittedly old, faded, worn, and comfy, and not meant to be seen by anyone!).

i was instructed to crouch down, staying on my feet, and hold my arms out once more. This time a heavy package was placed in my arms. The first item in the bag was a ball gag, with a slotted red ball attached to a black leather strap. i had initially been fearful of ball gags and indicated they were a red limit to me, but i’d been fantasizing about them recently and actually enjoyed two scenes where Maximus, at my request, had tied rope through my mouth and around the back of my head as a gag during one and stuffed my panties in my mouth during another. The next object was a heavy chain leash with a black leather hand strap…it was so heavy! And finally, in the bottom of the bag were a bunch of heavy padlocks all connected together, pounds and pounds of them. Maximus giggled as i looked puzzled at them–i couldn’t fathom what these were about!

i wanted to give Maximus His gift and He said no, that it was time for Him to do a scene He’d been planning for my arrival. Maximus helped me to stand, reached up and removed my butt plug and Benwah balls. He then walked me into the kitchen where he had a new 200′ long spool of red hemp rope and several lengths that had been cut off of it on the granite island. Maximus pulled the top of my new nightie down, sucked and bit my nipples, taking my breath away. He picked up one of the lengths of rope and wrapped it first below my breasts and then above, then tied in front to cinch in between my breasts. He tied the back with another rope, lashing my arms together behind my back from the upper arm, down. my breasts were so taut and He slapped and flogged them. Then He applied the chained clover nipple clamps to my nipples, searing pain caused me to inhale sharply. i wanted to buckle at the knees, but He prevented me from doing so. He slapped and flogged my breasts some more and then walked away, returning with the padlocks. Only then did i realize what they were for! Maximus had shared an Kink.com video with me with breast bondage where padlocks were dropped onto the chain between clover nipple clamps, one by one by one, and i was going to experience this. The first padlock was applied gently onto the chain and honestly, i couldn’t feel it’s weight. Another padlock, and again, i couldn’t feel any change. Another, and another…then He squeezed the clamps and Oh My God! i dropped to my knees. He slapped my breasts and searing pain tore through me. i dropped forward, resting the padlocks on the floor and He flogged my ass, finger fucked me until i had squirted a huge puddle on the hardwood. i couldn’t support myself with my arms as they were restrained behind me and touching my nipples on the floor was like lightning, so i used my forehead and temples to brace myself and hold myself up and ended up with my head jammed against the bottom grate of His massive JennAir refrigerator. Maximus rolled me onto my back, the padlocks slid to my left side as He fingered my pussy and slapped my aching breasts. My left arm suddenly started to go numb so He released my arms. Maximus laid me on my back on the kitchen floor and began to fuck me…His chest pressing against mine was excruciating. The sounds coming out of me were unlike anything i’ve ever heard before, guttural, involuntary.

He eventually stopped and carefully removed the padlocks one by one from the chain and i knew removing the clamps, the searing, piercing pain of removing the clamps, was next. They were removed with more screams, His hands squeezing my breasts tightly, pushing the pain deeper. i’d not been able to keep my eyes open for much of the play and in fact, Maximus said they were rolled backward when they were open. Tears had been streaming down my face and my breath was in rapid pants. Maximus held me on the kitchen floor, kissed me, told me i was safe, how beautiful i was, and how proud of me He was as He stroked me. He slowly helped me to sit and then stand, wrapped a heavy robe around me and laid me down on the couch in the living room, curled, eyes closed and teary, breathing calmed. He stroked me more, praised me, and then went into the kitchen to clean up after our play.

When He was done, i asked Him to bring the present i’d had Him bring up with Him from before. i had made Him a large wall hanging out of wine corks, in the shape of a heart, graduated from white to darkest red. For months, i’ve been grabbing bags of corks from His extensive collection that He saves in giant apothecary jars next to His fireplace, worried that He would discover they were missing, or worse yet, catch me in the act! He was extremely touched by the gift.

Maximus brought me a bourbon and sent me upstairs to bed, where He would join me momentarily. When i pulled back the covers i found four love notes in between the sheets…

Oh how i love this Man!

Categories: BDSM, BDSM relationship, breast bondage, breast torture, butt plug, D/s, Dom/sub, flogging, jewel butt plug, nipple clamps, relationship, rope bondage | Leave a comment

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