BDSM relationship

Thinking Back Inside the Box


Maximus and i had a good discussion last night about the excessive shoe purchases last weekend and He is allowing me to return the Christian Louboutin shoes. He’ll take them back Friday. It really bothered me and i have felt extremely guilty about them. 

He did make sure i understood that i need to be more careful in the future about trying things on in His presence, because His inclination is to reward me with things i like. i think this includes more than just shoes and material things. Lesson learned. 

Categories: BDSM relationship, Christian Louboutin Red Bottomed Shoes, discipline, submissive housewife | Leave a comment

Wine Service

wine

One of the requests Maximus has had for me is to get education and training for wine service. Actually, He wants me to become a sommelier, but as i am concerned that would considerably take me away from the time He needs from me (not the training, as i finished graduate school after i moved in, but putting sommelier training to use in a job) and i am enjoying being retired, we have settled on more general wine training. Maximus has collected wine for many years, while i am fairly new to wine. i had gone wine tasting prior to being with Maximus, including a weekend trip i bought at an auction once, but don’t have a big knowledge of wine. Maximus is always impressed on how i can pick up on the nuances of taste and smell when we are tasting, and He makes it a game, with Him comparing the tasting notes while i tell Him what i pick up.

So i found a beginner’s course that is a continuing education class at a local community college. This class meets one night a week for several weeks and introduces wine types, grapes, varietals, many wine regions, as well as the basics of reading a wine label. The sommelier will also go over hints for smart buying, proper storing, and aging, as well as  a discussion of wine-and-food pairing guidelines. i am excited and bought a registration for RunnerGirl to go with me as a Christmas present, as we are always looking for fun things to go out and do together.

i think the timing is great as we are planning our wine cellar room and i should get some great tips on what to do in there. We have racking and the wine has always been stored in a sealed, cool closet, our wine cooler, or cool basement, but we have lost some wine to spoilage and i’m not sure whether it’s because of its age (some is over 15 years old) and being stored past its prime, or if we need to store some varietals differently.

The course starts in February and i’m super excited!

Categories: BDSM relationship, submissive housewife, training, wine | Leave a comment

Happy Half

xmas-wine

i’ve mentioned Happy Half a lot, but don’t think i’ve ever explained it.

Happy Half appeared in our amended contract of April 2016, however, i believe it started prior to that, sometime between September 2014 and April 2016, just wasn’t codified until last April. It started after i became frustrated with Maximus’ work-life balance–well,  really, the lack of it. Maximus can easily work twenty hours a day, as long as He gets a swim in at some point. He won’t really eat, other than grabbing a banana, oatmeal, or a plate of almond butter (yes, i really did say a PLATE of almond butter) and He doesn’t have a quitting time being that He works from home when not traveling. There’s always work for Him to do and He can just get wrapped up in it and lose track of time.

That was fine when He was single, but when i moved in, it made it difficult for me to navigate things like dinner time. i could never figure out when to plan for dinner and i always felt like i was interrupting. We discussed that He needed work-life balance and find a way to end His work day when at home, both for His mental health and time for us together. He mentioned that when He was growing up, His father would come home from work, state, “Mother, bring me a drink,” and His parents would sit together in the formal living room and visit about their day. Maximus and His brother were not allowed in the living room during this time–it was adult time only. After His parents were done talking, His mom would put dinner on the table and it was family time. Maximus had really forgotten about this until we were talking about needing a transition time from work, but found the idea really attractive for us.

Maximus has always had a “No bras after 5:30PM” rule, even before we were D/s, and it’s one of my clothing rules. So He decided to incorporate the end of His work day with the no-bra rule. As Maximus can get completely immersed in His work and lose track of time, i am to knock on the office door at 5 PM and after He acknowledges me, inform Him of the time. He will then notify me whether the 5:30 Happy Half time will work or if He needs more time to complete whatever project He’s in the middle of. i inquire what He’d like to drink for Happy Half and/or may make recommendations/suggestions for Him to choose from.  And then i leave Him be.

i often work on dinner prep during this time. i also prepare our drinks, any hors d’oeuvres, and set up space for Happy Half. During the colder months, Happy Half is inside, generally in the Family Room. When weather permits, we have Happy Half outside either at the deck table or chaise lounges so we can enjoy the weather and scenery. Setting up the space just entails that the area is neat and tidy, coasters present, television is off, music may be on, wine decanted (if serving wine) or champagne chilled, and glasses set out, etc. If we are having cocktails, i will have things at the ready to mix at the kitchen island so i may serve fresh drinks when He leaves His office. If Happy Half will be indoors, i will often just wear an apron and stilettos, but if it is cold, i may wear nice clothing. If outdoors, i wear whatever clothing is appropriate for the weather (sans bra, of course!).

Maximus starts Happy Half with a toast to us. Then we catch up on our day. If it is a Monday, we may incorporate my training into Happy Half, unless training requires more time, in which case Maximus will schedule that earlier in the day. The goal of Happy Half is for Maximus to transition away from work and for us to reconnect. To avoid making dinnertime too late, it is meant to be thirty minutes, thus the name Happy Half rather than Happy Hour, but it can be extended as necessary, although it is always a minimum of thirty minutes.

Happy Half has been incredibly important for us. Not only does it set a quitting time for Maximus’ work day and allow me to plan for dinner, but it reconnects us and sets the intention for us to come together every evening. It gives me a time that i can bring up things i need to discuss with Maximus rather than interrupting Him during His work day. And it really reinforces our D/s every single day. And i love how it incorporates the 1950’s style into our relationship that i wrote about in Our M/s.

Categories: 24/7, BDSM relationship, Happy Half, relationship, submissive housewife, togetherness | 1 Comment

Training Day, May 2, 2016

training

Maximus was traveling home Sunday from the East coast, so we did my training Monday.

First, He wanted to share with me how proud of me He was, for the dates with RunnerGirl and for going to the lifestyle party. It has made Him very happy that i am venturing back in the swinging world, as i was active as a single female before our relationship. That being said, He does understand that i am not comfortable with initiating swinger relationships with single males at this time and not sure i will go back to that, for a variety of reasons. i don’t feel i have the same “safety net” network here as i did in Portland, i.e. swinger friends to check in with during dates with single men, and Maximus travels so much that He would probably be far away, unable to help me should i needed it. And since Maximus travels so much, i fear that single men might try to take advantage of His absence, something i’m just not willing to deal with right now. It isn’t so much that i fear i would go astray on Maximus, as His previous wife, JB, did, that’s not the issue, it’s having a single man try to push into that space and dealing with the drama that causes.

Second, Maximus shared that He really missed me this past week while He was gone. Even though we were in contact a lot via text and phone calls, He missed my presence, my skin. It wasn’t because i was with RunnerGirl, it wasn’t jealously, he just realized how much He loves to be together. He added,

This is the most important relationship I have and I do not take it lightly.

He was also amazed about how different our relationship is than between SwimmerGuy and his wife, it really struck Him. He noticed that SwimmerGuy wasn’t calling his wife or family in the evenings and actually asked him if he was going to call them (and he did after Maximus inquired). One evening, Maximus was perusing the Nordstrom website looking for things for me when SwimmerGuy asked what He was doing. Maximus replied, “I’m ordering clothes and shoes for gabriella. Don’t you do that for your wife?” SwimmerGuy said he had never done that, to which Maximus suggested he try it. SwimmerGuy ended up ordering several items for his wife (after a phone call to determine her sizes). Maximus often (not every time) hides love notes throughout the house when He leaves for business trips, something He picked up after being at SwimmerGuy’s house a few years ago and seeing Post-It Notes from SwimmerGuy to his wife. Maximus thought this was a wonderful gesture that He wanted to emulate–turns out that this was a one time thing from SwimmerGuy, not a habit. It shocked Maximus that He had a picture of SwimmerGuy’s relationship based upon those love notes and made some assumptions about their “perfect marriage” that were incorrect. Not saying that their marriage is in any sort of trouble, but Maximus had always seen it differently than it really is. He takes a lot of pride in our relationship, our communication, and how our dynamic has built such strength and closeness.

Third, Maximus wanted to review what we had discussed last week, my strengths/weaknesses and interpersonal skills. In particular, He wanted to delve more into why i have the tendency to deny myself the finer things as if i’m undeserving. “What is the reason?” He asked.

i really don’t know why i have that tendency. Apart from a chemistry set i begged my parents for Christmas year after year, i was never wanting as a child. my parents didn’t deny us things we wanted, although we had to wait for when we could afford some things, but that isn’t something out of the ordinary for anyone. However, i did relate a story from when i was a teen. When i was 15, the father of some children i had babysat was driving me home and had complimented me on something. i apparently had denied it or put myself down or something of that sort, because i can clearly remember him telling me, “you need to learn how to take a compliment. Say thank you.” It’s not that i don’t feel deserving, it’s not that i don’t know i am talented and have made great achievements, it’s that i think i need to be modest and not boastful, so i tend to poo-poo compliments. Gifts from Maximus are compliments and i guess i get a bit modest about them, maybe in a way to show that i don’t hold Him to an expectation for them. But also, in terms of gifts, He tends to buy things i would NEVER had bought for myself–exclusive, expensive things that i wouldn’t have even saved money for to buy for myself. Yes, i need a purse…i would buy one on sale, a knock-off. Yes, i need a car, but i would’ve purchased a mid-range SUV, not a luxury SUV. They are beyond what i need or desire–i appreciate them, but i feel badly that He spent so much on something i wouldn’t have bought myself.

The conundrum is, that when we studied The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman, which i wrote about in Translation!! and Our Book Club in 2013, Receiving Gifts is the primary way i feel loved. However, for me, it is as simple as a love note left in the apple crisper in the refrigerator when He goes away on a business trip or the Barcelona brand chocolate bar He got for me because it made Him think of our plans to visit that city in the Fall. But i need to learn to take the compliment and just say thank you, not put myself down. Maximus recently purchased a pair of very expensive shoes for me as a thank you for helping Him write a nomination for a very prestigious award for one of His staff–well, they weren’t just expensive, they were couture, rare, something i might have marveled at a picture of in a magazine, but never, ever would have in my wildest dreams ever considered owning. It was difficult for me to accept as it seemed to me an extravagant gift for something very simple for me to do that took very little time. But, what i don’t realize, is that while it was simple for me to do, it was a huge task for Him, and my work took His words and made it “spectacular” (in His words). To Him, the values match.

Maximus added, “Just say thank you. you always say ‘thank you’ when I take you out for a meal–you always have, even when we were first friends. I’ve always thought that was strange, that you thank me for taking you out, especially now when it’s our money, not just Mine.”

“For me, growing up, going out to dinner was a special thing, so we always said thank you for the meal,” i replied. “i appreciate being taken out. It’s a special thing for me.”

“Giving you a gift is a special thing for me. Just say thank you.”

i was looking forward to training today as i wanted to share something with Maximus, something i learned from last week’s training and applied. During our discussion of my interpersonal skills, i identified the feeling that i’m not pretty enough, skinny enough, good enough to approach some people as a weakness of mine. i know this keeps me from meeting people and that i needed to work on this. i had a success story to share with Maximus!

When RunnerGirl and i arrived at the lifestyle party last weekend, there was a very nice, upscale, good-looking couple right behind us. They were a couple i would normally shy away from talking to because the female half, quite frankly, is gorgeous, great body, etc. and would hope Maximus would approach them, if He were with me, or just shy away from and wish later i had talked to, had i been solo. i ran into them a little later at the party and decided i was going to get over myself and talk to them. Well we hit it off! We actually talked a few more times and ended up exchanging profile names for one of our mutual swinger sites. The following morning i looked them up and sent them a quick note to let them know it was nice chatting with them and asked them to let us know if they might be interested in meeting Maximus and me for drinks sometime to get to know each other better. Well they replied, yes, that they had enjoyed meeting me and were very much interested. They even invited us to meet them at an upcoming lifestyle party. Lesson learned for me.

Maximus shared His Big Three when it comes to women:

Intelligence

Athleticism

Beauty

“gabriella, you have all three,” stated Maximus.”i wouldn’t be with you if you didn’t have those three attributes. you have nothing to feel inferior about with anybody.”

Maximus was very pleased with how i had applied my training and asked that i continue to work on this. He asked that i continue to bring Him more examples of how i have ventured out of my comfort zone.

So there wasn’t any new training this week, as we spent a lot of time on the review. It was important as i really did take last week’s training to heart and worked on the things He’d gone over with me. i am excited for new challenges!

Categories: BDSM relationship, D/s, The 5 Love Languages, training | Leave a comment

With this ring…

GOTring

Yesterday was an exciting day–our rings came. We had them designed and manufactured in Kona and have been waiting for them to arrive.

When we were in Hawaii, Maximus surprised me by going into a jewelry store. This store specialized in rings made of titanium and wood. What first attracted Him to them was that they made rings with black ebony and He’d been interested in getting lifestyle rings for us to wear on our right ring fingers.

They showed us some very beautiful rings with koa wood and asked what i thought about them. i mentioned that i thought they were beautiful, but it was a shame that they weren’t kiawe wood, as that tree was significant to us (see Contract and Rules Updated and Renewed). Lo and behold, they said they could definitely make rings with kiawe. They spent a lot of time with us and designed custom rings for us made of titanium, ebony, and kiawe. These materials are significant as titanium is strong and resilient; ebony is strong and rare and represents the black rock beach at Kiholo where we have signed our contract and our lifestyle; kiawe is a resilient tree that can live a thousand years in the harshest environments, under which we signed our contract on the beach of Kiholo Bay. They asked if we wanted them engraved, and Maximus stated, “GOT.”

We signed our contract the next day at Kiholo, on the black rock under our kiawe tree.

These rings represent us. They are not merely black rings to signal others of our lifestyle, but bands of meaning and significance, a commitment to our relationship, with us at its core. They are beautiful and strong, sexy and meaningful, and GOT.

Categories: BDSM relationship, lifestyle rings, swinging lifestyle | Leave a comment

Contract and Rules Updated

signing contract

One the the goals we had for our trip to Hawaii was to update our contract to reflect our M/s dynamic and incorporate rules we have and others Maximus wished to incorporate.  We’d talked a lot about the changes over the past month but we just needed some quiet time together in order to document them.

The final document has been uploaded on the BDSM Contract & Rules page, but i wanted to go through and talk about some of the specific changes we made and how they came about. We’ve had several amendments to our contract over the past three years and i don’t think i’ve ever documented changes from the original. i won’t talk about all three years of changes, just what we did with this amendment.

Fundamental Terms

Under Fundamental Terms, we added subsmissive’s serviceheart to the fundamental purpose of this agreement. It was always an aspect to our D/s and M/s, my need for providing service, but it’d not been documented. The Roles section was amended to include the description of our dynamic:

The Dominant (Master) and submissive (slave-slut) adopt a 24/7 Master/slave-slut (M/s) relationship in the style of Chief Executive Officer/Chief Operating Officer (CEO/COO).

It has taken us quite some time to figure this out and it was important to document it.

Commencement and Term

The Term of this contract changed as well. It has always had an expiration date, generally our GOT (Growing Old Together) anniversary (see GOT and  1st GOT Day). However, an expiration date does not match with the meaning of GOT and the essence of our relationship. It bothered me that our contract expired every year. We have clauses for review and amending the contract, so the expiration is not necessary for us.  We also added that this dynamic is 24/7, something we were living but had not documented.

Dominant

There was one change under the Dominant section. We have both struggled with the wording of 12.10 even though we understood the intention of that line item. While i am Maximus’ property, we both wanted a clause that protected me from ever being the property of anyone else. Initially we had that i could not be loaned to another Dominant, but we’ve done that a couple of times, as was the case in Eagle Scout flogging me; and really swinging is just that, Maximus loaning me to have sexual relations with others, including those with dominant sexual characteristics. But, what we really want to say is i cannot be given as property to another Master.

Submissive

Anticipatory service was added under the Submissive section. This is a very important aspect of my service, something i love to do and something Maximus very much appreciates. my goal is to make Maximus’ life run “as smoothly and effectively as possible,” as now noted under our Rules, and anticipatory service best achieves that. It would be distracting and disruptive for Maximus to have to direct and micromanage me, and a good COO utilizes leadership and decision making  so that the business operation runs according to the values and expectations of the CEO. This is what i do.

The final change in the contract reflects a greater emphasis on me addressing Maximus as “Sir,” but not in the presence of family, vanilla friends, or during other times that would bring negative attention to us. This was after much discussion and adding a little bit more formality but not implementing formal protocol, which Maximus does not have a lot of interest in.

Rules

There were more changes in our Rules, actually, additions. We’ve been operating with a lot of rules that had never been documented.

Obedience. As noted above, my goal of enhancing Maximus’ life was documented. In addition, it outlines negative behaviors that should be avoided, something Maximus believes i struggle with. i believe i am doing so much better on this than before, and i appreciate why it’s there.

Sleep. Maximus wanted to include that i ensure that He gets adequate rest and sleep, not just myself, as i am usually more aware of His needs in this area than He is. We also documented what i have been doing for years, preparing Maximus’ bed at night.

Also in this section is a clarification on sleeping arrangements with others. Maximus has no problem with us sleeping with others (actually sleeping, not a euphemism for sex), but He only wants to sleep next to me in those situations, no one else. He feels sleeping between me and another person dilutes His connection with me. In addition, while i don’t have a desire to play separately and Maximus does not wish to play separately Himself, He does encourage me to do so, but with the stipulation that i sleep (again sleep, not sex) alone when i ever do play separate.

Food. Again, documenting things we already do. i have been making green juice for Maximus most mornings and He recently requested that this be done every morning He is home. i don’t have to do it when He’s leaving for the airport at 4AM or if we’re traveling and don’t have access to a juicer. Additionally, Maximus has been working on a more “vegan-ish” diet when eating out and has requested that i help Him with menus by letting Him know what options are available for Him to order.

Clothing. He has had a rule since before i came into the picture that bras must be removed by 5:30 PM at His home. This had never been documented in our contract, and this amendment fixes that. There are exceptions to this rule in regards to the presence of family and friends, etc., and it also applies when we are on vacations.

Another rule we’ve operated under is my attire while traveling. i have always had to dress for first class travel, regardless of our fare class. Maximus looks for “Best of Show” when at airports or hotels, and it is His wish that i am “Best of Show” when i am traveling, whether i am with Him or not. Shoes are a particularly important aspect in determining show status, and my shoes must be selected accordingly for travel.

Sex. Maximus has not limited my orgasms to only Him, i.e., i am allowed to masterbate and orgasm. However, He recently required that i notify Him immediately if i do masterbate and/or orgasm away from Him and then document it in my journal. It has pretty much stopped my masterbation, though, and i know that is not His intention. i need to not be afraid of having to notify Him and journal about masterbating and orgasming away from Him.

Swinging. Again, Maximus would love for me to play separately even though He does not wish to do this Himself. This is reiterated in this section. Maximus has had several bad experiences with playing separately, especially with women who misunderstand sex vs. love, therefore He has chosen not to play separate to avoid unnecessary drama in His life.

Communication. Speaking in a respectful manner was added as well as documenting our morning salutations and evening valedictions that we have operated under for years.

Tough Love Clause. This is a very important addition to our contract. i actually used this before we ever discussed it.

This summer while we were preparing our backyard for installation of patio pavers, Maximus came around the house with a pick-axe and began to use that tool while barefooted. i was horrified! i politely asked Him to stop and put on a pair of shoes to protect His feet. He returned with sandals. i again asked that He put on real shoes, something that would keep Him from cutting off His toes should the pick-axe slip and strike His feet. He was incredulous and said it was fine. i replied i was going into the house and wasn’t going to be out here working if He wore sandals because i was not interested in watching Him cut off His toes. i’d never stood up to Him like this before, but i was really concerned about this poor decision and wanted to protect Him from it.

Well, He was irate about this! i’ve NEVER seen Him so upset with me!! He threw down the pick-axe, swore all the way into the house, slammed the back door. i stood there shocked, scared, even, about deliberately confronting Him. But He returned, carrying the largest, hottest pair of work boots He could find to wear in the 90-degree heat. i quietly remarked that He didn’t need such heavy boots, athletic shoes would suffice, but He insisted on wearing them. i let the battle end there and never mentioned it again as He wore those boots for the remaining weeks of our project.

Well fast-forward to a month ago. i’d pretty much forgotten about this. We were at a wine tasting with Swimmer Guy and his wife when the topic of “wives often knowing what’s best for husbands whether they like it or not,” came up. And to my shock and surprise, Maximus started telling this story, but added how He had actually hit His boot-clad feet four times during the project, so hard that He knew that He would probably have sustained great injury had i not insisted He wear Goddamned shoes, and hoped i had not seen it happen. Well i hadn’t! And certainly, i would not have gloated about it if i had.

We hadn’t thought about codifying this until i recently listened to Kayla Lords Loving BDSM podcast. One of her podcasts addressed Adding a Tough Love Clause to a D/s Relationship. i listened to it, but did not talk to Maximus about it until after He had listened to it as well. He brought up the pick-axe situation and explained that while He did not like it, He knows it was difficult for me to do and necessary for His health and safety. So, the Tough Love clause was added. And, i used it only once since we talked about it, before this vacation, only because it was really necessary–but it is not something i expect to use very often.

Interaction. While we don’t have formal protocol, i did feel like i needed some guidance on entering His office while He is working. i never know whether He is on a conference call without a muted line, deeply concentrating, or just sitting there! i needed a guideline for entering the room and announcing my presence without interrupting. He first suggested that i just walk in and stand next to Him, but i’ve done that and startled Him when He’s not heard me enter and then scared Him when He looked over, not knowing i was right next to Him! Lightly knocking and waiting for entry works the best for us.

Door opening and position when walking on sidewalks just codified something we’ve always done. While i am submissive and slave-slut, Maximus is a gentleman and cannot and will not undo His mother’s training.

Travel. Again, codifying existing behavior requirements. The clothing requirement caused some run-ins with TSA precheck as many of my heels have steel shanks. TSA precheck allows you to wear shoes during the scanning, but steel shank shoes triggers the alarm and requires an exit, doffing of shoes, and rescan–something that causes delay for me, Maximus, and worst of all, other travelers. Maximus cannot stand it when people delay other travelers and will not condone this of me. Therefore, i need to remove my shoes, even for TSA precheck, to avoid this, and do this without delaying others due to buckles or straps. Once through the scan, i need to quickly don my shoes again without delay. i pride myself of going through TSA and waiting for HIM at the end, ready to go.

Financial. We have several legal documents outlining finances, so it was not necessary to list it all here other than to note those documents apply. Additionally, this codified how i receive funds from Maximus and the fact that we will be working on a monthly budget, something i have requested since i moved in.

Annual Goals. This again is codifying something we already do, but Maximus wants me to be responsible for monitoring them and meeting quarterly to make sure we stay on track, rather than our haphazard review.

Signing the Contract

As is our tradition, we renew our contract when in Hawaii (see Renewed). i don’t think i journaled about our last contract renewal in Hawaii, however.

We have a special beach and tree where we sign our contracts. Our beach is at Kiholo Bay and we sign beneath a kiawe tree, a Hawaiian mesquite. The kiawefirst year, the tree was beautiful, leafy. Sadly, the second year, the tree looked very sad and like it might die, which is rare for kiawe trees, known for living up to a thousand years. Well, this year, yes, the tree has died! i was so sad and asked Maximus, “What do You think this means for us?” He replied, “That tree gave its life to us, so that our love and relationship live a thousand years.” Wow.

So we signed our contract under our beloved kiawe tree. Renewed again, for a thousand years…or more.

And we did something special to commemorate this signing, something i won’t be able to share for couple of weeks.

kiawe night

Beautiful kiawe tree under stars. Image from Big Island Traveler.

Categories: 24/7, BDSM contract, BDSM relationship, Kayla Lords, Loving BDSM Podcast, M/s, Total Power Exchange, TPE | Leave a comment

Our M/s

As i mentioned earlier, Maximus has tasked me with researching M/s relationships to help guide us in updating our contract and writing rules and protocol. The thing that was very glaring to us what the fact that Maximus does not have the need or desire to dish out corporal punishment for discipline. Don’t get me wrong, He loves punishment for fun (Funishment) as part of our sex play, but it is not a part of His discipline and He does not wish to make it a part of His leadership, dominance, or mastery.

i have been doing a lot, and i mean A LOT of reading. One book we found helpful was Paradigms of Power: Styles of Master/Slave Relationships edited by Raven Kaldera. This book is a collection of essays from masters and slaves in M/s relationships describing their style of M/s. While reading these essays, our M/s style most closely aligned with the Modern-Day 1950s M/s Household; Roman Slave-Advisor; Ancient Models, Modern Integrity; Captain of our Ship; and the CEO/COO Model. Let me elaborate.

Modern-Day 1950s M/s Household

In this model, the man is the Master “head of household” and the woman is the submissive slave homemaker (the genders can be reversed, but are generally along this line). The Master works and the slave keeps the home–think Leave it to Beaver. The slave has great value for keeping the household running and is very well-kept herself. Many 1950s M/s relationships include modernized 1950 fashions for the slave.

Our M/s is similar to this as Maximus is the breadwinner/head of household and i am the homemaker. Maximus does act with common chivalry of that age in terms of politeness and actions. We don’t, however, continue along with 1950s fashions, and Maximus values my leadership and career experience as a springboard more than would be present in a typical 1950s relationship. But, there are definitely pieces present in our M/s.

Roman Slave-Advisor

This model has the slave as a trusted household slave, companion, or advisor whose duties are to run the household, much like in the 1950s model. However, the slave often has valuable skills the Master needs, such as art, business experience, financial training, etc., and does these without a lot of micromanagement from the Master.

This is definitely a part of our dynamic. Maximus relies upon me to assist Him in areas of my expertise, such as correspondence, spelling, PowerPoint, research, leadership issues, etc. He finds my skills extremely valuable to Him and utilizes them nearly daily. i am a valued advisor.

Ancient Models, Modern Integrity

This expands on the Roman Slave-Advisor model in identifying the difference between how Roman slaves were treated differently than slaves of the American South. Roman slaves were prized for their skills and “human beings who happened to be slaves, not lesser creatures” rather than chattel.

The value of the slave is important to Maximus. For Him, i am prized, valuable, and not a lesser being, but in service to Him.

Captain of our Ship

In this model, the master is the captain of the ship/household and the slave is the first mate. The captain is is responsible for the ship and the crew and makes decisions accordingly. The first mate carries out the captain’s orders, but is really second in command, competent, important. As noted in the book, “The ship’s captain is not served by his first mate, the captain is assisted by the first mate.”

This again mirrors our M/s. i assist Maximus. i am respected to be intelligent, capable, and able to steer the ship/household in His absence. i know His orders and can keep the ship/household running without constant micromanagement. We like this model, but the identification of captain is difficult for me due to my past career and confuses our mindsets.

CEO/COO Model

The CEO/COO model follows corporate structure, in that the CEO leads the business, in particular the interface with the external aspects of the corporation, and the COO takes care of internal operations. “The COO (slave) is responsible for taking care of the CEO (Master), and the CEO is responsible for taking care of the company that also includes the COO.”

This model very much aligns with our M/s structure. Maximus is an extremely skilled business leader and has been for decades. He is comfortable and highly capable in this arena, and therefore it translates well into our M/s. i love to serve, it is integral to my being, therefore serving Maximus by taking care of all internal operations so He can manage His business and our household company unimpeded makes me happy and complete.

Maximus is the head of our household, our ship/corporation. i am His prized and valued advisor who makes sure His needs are met and that He is able to work without the ups and downs of daily operations do not impede His progress. He is my boss, my captain, however, and i do function under His expectations. He does not lead by corporal punishment.

As Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny note in their book Real Service, an M/s relationship does not have to be based on roles, punishment, or high protocol–it can simply be “where one has dedicated a substantial portion of their time and energy to the service of others.” Our M/s is Our M/s. It functions by us, for us. It’s not necessary for it to fall into someone else’s category and there’s no M/s police coming by to make sure we are doing it in some preconceived way. It is our and works for us. It is comforting that this is the case. Important that it is ours. This is important for us to remember as we rework our contract, incorporate rules, and develop protocol. We don’t live other people’s kink–we live ours.

Categories: BDSM relationship, Joshua Tenpenny, Living M/s, M/s, Raven Kaldera | Leave a comment

Who are we?

question-marksIt’s been a hard year for me, maybe not hard/difficult, but a disappointing struggle. But it wasn’t about Maximus, not about our relationship, not about me retiring and moving in with Him into a 24/7 M/s situation, but with my body. i’ve just never recovered from getting the uterine fibroids and hysterectomy to remove them–my body never came back, despite trying to force it back into shape, both physically and endurance-wise. i was afraid to admit it, but finally a few months ago i resigned to the fact that something was wrong with me. Long story short (will be another journal entry), after seeing several doctors, i have a poorly functioning thyroid gland, barely functioning adrenal glands, and a previously unknown genetic predisposition (due to two mutations) for this. i’m not lazy or crazy! i am starting the path to recovery, and hopeful things will improve over the next few months.

my health didn’t just impact me, however. Maximus has struggled on how to help, what to say or not say, whether to hold us to our M/s or not. He finally decided to just let the M/s go for a while, including BDSM play and vanilla sex. Unfortunately, i was not aware of this and only felt Him pulling away. This only made me feel worse, thinking that He was not desiring me. i finally asked why He wasn’t interested in me and we talked about what was going on. i had just come to the conclusion that i needed to see a specialist about my health, so we had a very frank and open conversation about everything.

What we really want, both of us, is to get back into our M/s. Really, we’ve not strayed too far out of it, i’ve operated on the assumption of service, it’s just that Maximus did not feel comfortable with me in my state to be very forceful or strict about my training. There were many days i just didn’t feel well and my attitude reflected that, which Maximus didn’t deal with. Right or wrong, it’s what happened.

Last week we reviewed our contract, which prompted a lot of great discussions. One thing that came up was the question, “Who are we?” We both want M/s, my serviceheart desires that, but Maximus just is not comfortable with the aspect of physical discipline we tend to see and read about with M/s relationships (don’t get me wrong, Maximus loves physical BDSM, but physically punishing me for something i have done incorrectly or for discipline in my service is not the leader He is. It caused us concern that perhaps we weren’t doing it right or perhaps it’s not what we really mean when we say M/s. So Maximus has tasked me with researching M/s relationships to investigate how we fit into it, what we need to do, contract adjustments, protocols, etc.

So far, the research has been fascinating! i’m re-reading things i/we read in the past when we were preparing for my move up and our 24/7 M/s, and i’ve found some other things that are very insightful and helpful. i will be journalling about this as we go through this process to re-establish our M/s.

Categories: 24/7, adrenal fatigue, BDSM relationship, D/s, hypothyroidism, M/s, Total Power Exchange, TPE | Leave a comment

Desire!!!

Okay…i know i’ve been a horrible sub blogger. i should be blogging every day, or as much as possible, per my contract, and i’ve been weeks between posts. i do have a pass from Maximus, as i am working on my master’s degree, which takes a lot of my creative writing time, and due to our remodel, my office is a storage room. But there are so many things that have been happening that i need to write about!!…just so little time!

We’re going to Desire Cancun tomorrow!! Woo Hoo! We made this reservation months and month ago with Life on the Swingset! i’m finally excited, with everything else going on! Maximus has been back east for business all week and is trying desperately to get back here so we can leave in the morning. i’ve got everything packed and ready to go. i’m oddly excited about the theme nights, mostly for Maximus as i have coordinated some amazing outfits for Him (mostly awesome briefs), especially the Chippendale costume for the sparkly black and white theme night, with real cuff-linked cuffs and bow-tied collar i made for Him with these amazing sexy underwear! He’s going to be the hit and i just can’t wait!!

i’ve had a whole bottle of champagne, so bear with me! It’s our tradition, champagne (and pizza) the night before a trip…but He’s not here, so i’ve had the champagne, sans pizza, solo!

The remodel’s underway–woohoo! my piano room is framed up and while we’re gone, being naked and hedonistic, our walk-in closet and my office will get all framed up! So excited!

Oh! my master’s degree, you ask? It’s in leadership!! How awesome is that for a sub!?!?

Ok, so i’m tipsy and this is not making any sense! I’m loving life! i forgot to mention we just got back from London for my retirement and birthday celebration from Maximus! But more importantly, Maximus is insanely wonderful and life is wonderful! Everything feels right and i love my life. And i love Maximus!

So, i promise to be better at posting. i WILL blog about Desire as i’m sure so many of you are curious, as we were, about it.

Stay tuned and KISSES!

g

 

Categories: BDSM relationship, Desire | Leave a comment

Tired subby

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i’m one tired subby right now. i headed up to Maximus’ Tuesday morning with a load of stuff to move in. After some lunch, we moved the things in and while Maximus worked, i worked on moving things, redecorating, moving beds, and getting the guest room/my office rearranged to store stuff as i move things up. i made dinner after a trip to the grocery store and we watched our new favorite show, Masters of Sex (we’ve just started Season 1!!). And then we crashed.

The next morning i attacked the patio area where we will be adding my piano room on in the remodel. i pulled out all the plants, moved trellises and pots, and got things cleaned out. That evening we got cleaned up and headed up to our swinging club. We hadn’t been for so long that we had to go through orientation again to renew our membership. We were both tired and it was over 90 degrees out, making the un-air conditioned club stifling. As our goal was to get re-orientated, we went home after the presentation, watched some more Masters of Sex and crashed!

The next day Maximus worked and i did school work. i was scheduled to go to a women’s swinging meet up, but there were only three of us signed up and the host was not feeling well, so we bagged it.

Friday, i came home early due to a scheduled freeway closure that night (i’ve had two 5-hour trips home, rather than the usual 3-hour trips, due to freeway closures and i was not about to go through that again!). i ended up selling and giving away most of my furniture Friday and today when i got home, which is great for getting ready for the move! But i am soooo tired!

Tomorrow is a break, but i’ll be back at it the rest of the week. It will be good to be occupied as Maximus is heading to the wilderness for His annual backpacking trip with His brother and will be off the grid until late Wednesday.

It’s happening! As soon as the house is rented…full time submissive housewife! And i can hardly wait!

Categories: BDSM relationship, submissive housewife | 1 Comment

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