BDSM list

Shibari for Lovers and A Black Tie Affair

monk-sak_1

Yesterday was just a magnificent day! We went to two events that were spectacular in their own ways.

The first event was Shibari for Lovers, presented by Seattle Shibari and the Foundation for Sex Positive Culture. It was a small group, limited to eight couples, making it very intimate and gave us a lot of access for personal instruction. The goal of the class was to learn how to make rope play more intimate and connective between the top and bottom, increasing the intensity of the scene. And, wow, did it meet that intention!

While we only learned a few ties:

  • Single colum tie
  • Maete Shibari
  • One-Rope Gote Shibari
  • Hands-free Chest Harness
  • Ebi Shibari (Prawn Tie)

we came away with a new way to connect with each other through rope, and an understanding that a rope scene can be so much more than just tying someone up (or being tied up). Varying the speed, positioning of the top and bottom, timing movement with breath, eye contact, and more, were ways we learned to increase intensity in our play. It was very similar to what we learned in Midori‘s Exquisite Whip class.

Something that came up in Midori’s class and this one was setting an intention for the scene during negotiation. Since we are 24/7 D/s and have a negotiated BDSM checklist, we really have never negotiated our scenes with each other, only play with others. We both felt that everything had been pre-negotiated and we didn’t have to do that step. But we’ve learned that negotiating the intention of a scene can make a HUGE difference in connection and fulfillment for both the top and the bottom. Asking, “What do you want to get out of a scene today” or explaining what you would want to feel with a scene and discussing whether that fits with the other person, negotiating, and getting enthusiastic consent is crucial for moving a scene from good to phenomenal. Perhaps the top wants to have a scene of control and aggression but the bottom is looking for something playful and fun–this mismatch, if not communicated and used to adjust the scene can take away from the outcome. We’ve never done this! But we can see how it can take our scenes to a new level and we will be implementing this from now on.

Note, it doesn’t take away from the mystery of the scene. Maximus does not have to describe step-by-step what He is going to do, just the intention of the scene. And it does not mean i cannot request certain activities or ask that some things not be included–if my nipples are sore and i don’t want to have nipple torture done in the scene, i can communicate that to Maximus. For us, we have negotiated our kink activities and unless i communicate my non-consent for any of them, they would be on board (that’s our agreement)–it would be different if we were playing with others, the negotiation would include what activities we’d be interested in or not wanting to do/have done. But what it does is get us in the same mindset and connect us more emotionally. We love that!

There was so much energy exchanged between us during the application parts of the class in micro-scenes that by the end of the class, Maximus was dopey and i was spent! It was just a delicious class.

Maximus and i had signed up for this class as part of a package from the FSPC called “Bondage Lovers’ Delight: Day and Evening of Delights.” It included the Shibari for Lovers class, a limited edition custom Monk Sak with rope from the Twisted Monk, and admission for two to the Black Tie Affair that night.monk-sak_2

We received our Monk Sak at the class and it is beautiful (it’s the image at the top of this post)! Twisted Monk screenprinted them with the CSPC/FSPC logo and filled them with hemp rope, safety shears, and DVD of his rope videos. We learned last night that our saks were one of a half-dozen of these custom designed and we are honored to have one. It will be so nice to have a space to set out our rope and supplies during events.

black-tie-affair_2

We headed home for a couple of hours for a nap and decompression after the class before getting ready to head to the Black Tie Affair. This event, held by the Art Activist Society, was a benefit party for the 15th annual Seattle Erotic Art Festival. We had never been before and had no idea what to expect. The tickets said to dress to impress in your version of formal, fetish-wear and included a bondage theme. Maximus wore his tux with vest and jacket, colorful socks, and His Michael Toschi black leather shoes with red stitching to match my outfit. i wore a floor-length, off-shoulder, long-sleeved sheer black lace dress with red panties, black and red below-breast corset, my black vinyl boots with red ribbon side lacing, and my collar. Having not been before, i was concerned that being able to see my bare breasts through the sheer lace above my corset would be a problem, so i wore the black lace and leopard print silk and cashmere shawl Maximus bought for me in Las Vegas a few years ago so i could cover myself up, if necessary (turns out it was not necessary at all!). We both felt elegant and sexy! We tried to get a selfie before we left the house, but the selfie-stick wasn’t cooperating and we bagged it to prevent being late!

The party was held at artist Steve Jensen‘s studio in Capital Hill. His art is amazing and we thoroughly enjoyed talking with him and learning all about the inspiration to his art. Twisted Monk had an interactive art piece he’d custom made for the event, which he explained beautifully to us one-on-one. It consisted of a person tied in an apparatus with ropes over pulleys from which hung buckets with labels such as Passion, Inspiration, things that cause us to support things such as art; and we were all asked to select gold rocks, which represented what we have to give things that are important to us, and put the rock in the bucket that matched our personal cause. When you put a rock in a bucket, it pulled on the rope of the person tied in the apparatus and moved their position! Photos of the art selected for April’s Erotic Art Festival were shown on the wall of the gallery for pre-purchase.

Then, as if it wasn’t fantastic enough, Steve and his partner, black-tie-affair_1Vincent, invited all the guests upstairs to their personal home for the rest of the party! Their space is gorgeous and full of art from Steve, himself, and other notable artists from all over the world. And we got a personal tour of their naughty room, a space full of erotic art ranging from ancient dildos to modern erotica! We were delighted with performances by performance poet Imani Sims, musician Michaud Savage, and burlesque (boylesque) performer Waxie Moon (pictured to the right). Honestly, they were just amazing and wonderful people to meet and get to know. We also were honored to see Miss Indigo Blue of the Academy of Burlesque honored as the 2016 Master of Erotic Art inductee.

We met amazing people and had a wonderful time! We can’t wait for the Seattle Erotic Art Festival and look forward to attending this benefit for years to come! It was truly an honor to attend.

Categories: BDSM, BDSM classes, BDSM list, Center for Sex Positive Culture, Foundation for Sex Positive Culture, rope bondage, Seattle Erotic Art Festival, Seattle Shibari | Tags: | Leave a comment

Training Day 28NOV16

single-column-tie

Because i was gone the 21st visiting family, we didn’t have training that day, thus the skip of a weekly training.

Today we finished reviewing our contract, specifically going through my BDSM checklist (Appendix 2). i had gone through it prior to our training and made some notations. Really, not much had changed from the last time we did this in April 2014. The changes were simply adjustments, changing the notation on whether i had participated in activity types before and/or my level of interest in engaging in specific activities.

Here are the specific items that changed. Note, there are two answers for each activity on my checklist. The first answer indicates whether i’ve ever tried that activity before (Yes = I have participated in this activity before/No = I have not participated in this activity before).  The second answer indicates my level of  interest in engaging in that activity on a scale of 0 – 5, NO,?, +, ! or a combination: 0 = I have no interest/don’t like this, but would do it to please you. 1 = Not very interesting/don’t really enjoy this too much, 2 = This is OK, 3 = This is nice/fun/interesting, 4 = I really enjoy/think I’ll enjoy this activity, 5 = I LOVE THIS/CAN’T WAIT TO TRY THIS, NO = Hard limit.  I will not participate in this activity at all, at this time, ? = Unfamiliar with this activity, + = I’m scared of this but would possibly like to explore it, ! = I’m embarrassed to admit I like this.

  • Clothespins – Maximus changed His response to notate that He has participated in this activity before. (Actually, i think the fact it was listed as a “no” before was an error)
  • Examinations (physical) – When we did this checklist before, we read this as doctor roleplay, not BDSM medical play. Medical play is not something we are interested in at this time, so it was changed from Yes, 5 for me and YES/5 for Maximus to No, No and NO/NO, respectively.
  • Fantasy Gang Rape –i have had a recurring fantasy about this for the last couple of years, which Maximus and i have talked about. i’d initially indicated this as a No, No (hard limit at this time), but changed it to a No, 3. Maximus’ response is still NO/0. We talked about the logistics of this type of play and Maximus would like to discuss it more before proceding.
  • Fantasy Rape – This changed from a No, 4 to a Yes, 5 as we have done this one-on-one.
  • Forced Servitude – Was changed to notate i have participated in this. The last time we did the checklist i was not living with Maximus and we were not 24/7.
  • Housework – Same as above.
  • Intricate Rope Bondage – i had not indicated my level of interest in this activity the last time, so i entered a 5.
  • Kneeling – Changed to a Yes as we have incorporated this into our 24/7 D/s when i moved in with Maximus.
  • Serving as a Maid – Changed to Yes, like forced servitude and housework.
  • Stocks – i changed this from a No, 4 to a No, 5. i have recently had some fantasies about stocks which Maximus and i have been discussing. We may incorporate some stock equipment into our new dungeon, when it is completed.
  • Tickling – i changed this to a hard limit. i had it as a 2, but the reality is i just cannot handle it and it ruins any type of play for us.
  • Physical Concerns – changed to notate my thyroid replacement therapy.
  • Fetishes – added rope.

i’ll work on updating the contract page to reflect the recent work we’ve done on all aspects of our contract, including the appendices.

After completing the checklist, Maximus did some basic rope practice with me. We recently signed up for a Bondage for Sex class at the Foundation for Sex Positive Culture and since it’s been quite a while since we had any rope instruction, Maximus wanted to go over some basics. The class requires proficiency in the single column tie, so went to The Twisted Monk‘s website and reviewed his video on the technique.

The class is Dec. 10th, and we’re super excited to attend. It’s the first in a three part series of rope bondage and will cover:

  • Futomomo. The futomomo (aka the frog tie) is our favorite way to immobilize the legs.
  • Chicken wing arms. Similar to the futo, but for arms.
  • The Somerville Bowline. This is a more advanced version of the basic column tie that we teach in our introductory classes. It takes more skill to tie, but works better and is faster to tie.
  • Chest harness. Because every bottom is better with a handle.
  • Extending rope. Being able to quickly add rope on the fly is tremendously useful.
  • Wrists to ankles. This tremendously versatile and exposed position is infinitely better than the spread eagle.
  • Crab. An excellent general-purpose sex tie.
  • Leg spreader. Super simple and super effective.
  • Face down immobilizer. Need to immobilize your partner, but don’t have anything to tie them to? Not a problem.

It’s so good to be back into consistent training. i’m looking forward to what Maximus has next.

Categories: BDSM contract, BDSM list, D/s, Foundation for Sex Positive Culture, rope bondage | Leave a comment

Valentine’s Day Bound

heart rocks3

We’re coming up upon our second Valentine’s Day together….seems like we’ve been together so much longer than that though. And it’s true, we’d known each other for years prior to becoming a couple and then into D/s.

Normally, i would have spent months preparing for Valentine’s for Maximus, but i admit i’ve been distracted since September. Actually, i have several unfinished projects intended for Him, but i’ve just not had the energy to complete them, so they’ll just be in the hopper for other events. That’s not saying i don’t have anything special for Maximus this Valentine’s Day…it’s just not what i intended months and months ago.

Our schedule has been wonky recently, with me having surgery and return to modified work as well as Maximus’ work travel itinerary. But we were able to carve out time together, and actually, a lot of it, surprisingly. Maximus will be coming down on Valentine’s Day and staying the week. He suggested we go somewhere for Valentine’s weekend and after discussing options, Maximus recommended Portland. Now, if you’ve followed the blog long, you may be wondering why the staycation? That, my dear readers, i will reveal at a later date.

So PDX it is. Some salsa dancing, downtown hotel suite accommodations, time at our favorite places (Departure, Pope House Bourbon Lounge, Blossoming Lotus), shopping, discovering new favorites, and, most importantly, time together.

And some play time! Yes, it’s time for some modified play and i am really wanting. my urge is back and i can think of no better gift than the gift of gabriella. He’s been so patient, so good, so great…and i am desiring to serve Him in any way i can to show my appreciation. i shared this with Maximus and while He is excited about this, He is cautious and concerned about hurting me. So my task is to share with Him a list of things i feel are safe at this point of my healing and provide Him a list of what toys i think could be used.

Post Hysterectomy Safe List

At my post-op appointment with my OB-GYN this week, my doctor again stressed that i am to have vaginal rest for a full eight weeks following surgery. So, nothing enters my vagina. This, however, doesn’t preclude external play, including clitoral stimulation and even orgasm. i have had several clitoral orgasms from masterbating and not had any problems, other than the usual light spotting i’ve been having. i was even able to reinsert my clit hood piercing, which really got me stimulated! Due to the risk of infection, however, anal play and cunnilingus are off limits at this point.

Any activity that would induce hard abdominal wall contractions (gagging or hard flinching) or positions requiring back bends should be avoided due to the stress on the incisions and abdominal muscles that are still healing. The umbilical incision was the most invasive, with a larger cut into the abdominal wall and more trauma (thus much more sore) than the others, so this area should be avoided.

Other than that, all other play should be fine, given how things feel. Play could include:

The clit hood piercing is back in post-op...YAY!!

The clit hood piercing is back in post-op…YAY!!

  • Kissing
  • Kneeling
  • Crawling
  • Bondage
  • Sensory deprivation
  • Mind play
  • Objectification
  • Touch or massage
  • Nipple play/torture
  • Light flogging
  • Piss play (giving or receiving that doesn’t include healing incision sites or female genitalia)
  • Fellatio that does not elicit gagging
  • Manual clitoral stimulation, including the 15 minute orgasm
  • Manual penile stimulation
  • Seminal ejaculation onto body anywhere other than incision sites or female genitalia

Post Hysterectomy Toy List

  • Brain
  • Hands
  • Voice
  • Collar
  • Wrist and ankle cuffs
  • Rope
  • Nipple clamps
  • Spreader bars
  • Floggers
  • Wartenberg Wheel
  • Blindfold
  • Earplugs/headphones
  • Massage oils and lubricants
  • Feathers
  • Clothing, including high heels and stilettos

So that’s my big gift to Maximus…me. i know we are both feeling the need and just desire a step toward our normal life together again. i can’t think of anything better than time well spent with my love, my master, my Maximus.

Categories: BDSM, BDSM list, D/s, Hysterectomy, lifestyle | Leave a comment

Our First Six Months…Oh How We’ve Grown!

Mg

i can’t believe it’s been six months already! A couple of weeks ago i pulled up our contract to get ready to review it before Maximus and i were going to be together, which is our ritual, and i noticed that our contract was set to expire April 30th, our six month D/s anniversary. i was so surprised by this! i texted Maximus about it and ended with, “i’d like to continue the contract” and He replied, “So would I.” Whew! And then suggested that we renew our contract on the beach when we are in Hawaii this upcoming week. i am delighted in this!

i went through our contract and made revisions to reflect where we are now. i was surprised to see quite a few areas where we have grown and changed, especially in our BDSM Activities List–things that were hard limits were not hard limits anymore, in fact, many of them were much desired activities now.

Maximus called me from His business trip to go over the revisions and we went through the contract together. He had texted earlier that He had “lots of feedback” on the revisions–yikes! It turned out ok and we had some great discussion about the contract and our relationship, where we started, where we’ve been, what we need to work on.

The first revision we made was to eliminate my termination clause. Okay, okay, i know you just yelled at your computer, “What the hell is she thinking?!?!!!” Remember, our contract, our D/s relationship grew out of our Big R Relationship, is built on love and the principle of GOT. We have a commitment to each other that is beyond this contract, therefore, a clause to end our relationship is contradictory to our commitment. The second revision was to eliminate Maximus’ termination clause. Our commitment to each other is such that we will work through problems and issues and not terminate our relationship. Our contract is always available for revision and should parts of our D/s relationship change, our contract will change to reflect this, but the Relationship will remain intact.

We had quite a bit of discussion about the next clause:

…the submissive is to serve and obey the Dominant in all things. Subject to the agreed terms, limitations, and safety procedures set out in this contract or agreed additionally under clause 3 above, she shall without query or hesitation offer the Dominant such pleasure as he may require and she shall accept without query or hesitation his training, guidance, and discipline in whatever form it may take.

Maximus asked if that meant if He did not want a conversation to continue or if He wanted me to stop behaving in a certain manner whether He could instruct me to stop…and i said, “Yes, absolutely. You’ve always had that authority, but You’ve rarely used it.” There have been times where He has asked me to stop a direction of discussion that was not fruitful, in the case of disagreements, and there have been times where He has instructed me not to drive home, instructed me to stay, etc. and i’ve always complied. i mentioned it would be helpful for Him to use this clause when i get worried and anxious about relationship issues and want to flee.

Next, we decided to change the term of our contract to 12 months rather than six. We decided on the first six month time limit because this was new and we didn’t know what to expect from it. Now that we know more about ourselves, our relationship, D/s, Power Exchange relationships, we are both comfortable and desire a longer term to our contract. Our intention is to make our Hawaii trip an annual event for us to renew our commitment to and contract with each other.

We laughed at the next revision! Our contract originally stated that time between [being physically together] shall not extend greater than one month’s time. We both laughed because we know that we cannot have more than a couple of weeks between time together without going absolutely crazy, therefore it was not necessary to have that in our contract. This was put into our contract because we’d had a five-week absence from each other in August, before our relationship moved from friendship to committed Relationship, and it was completely unbearable–it really helped us realize our feelings for each other, but we NEVER wanted to go through that long of an absence ever again. Now that it’s impossible for either of us to be apart for that long, it’s not necessary to have in the contract–it’s a given.

The next clause that was removed had to do with travel arrangements. It was very difficult for me to accept Maximus’ desire to pay for my travel expenses, use frequent flyer/guest points, etc. to comp accommodations. i have learned that it gives Him great pleasure to take care of these things. Maximus does not balk when i do special things for Him and i needed to learn not to balk when He does special things for me–and i have. In addition, Maximus has learned to accept that He is with someone who wants to contribute, has the means to contribute, and finds it important to contribute–He’s never had that before in a relationship. We removed language that required discussion of travel expenses and my acceptance of the use of His travel program points–this has been a big step for both of us in our growth and Maximus was very pleased with this.

i was very shocked at the clause that Maximus was most concerned about, something that never bothered Him before in all the times we reviewed our contract:

The Dominant accepts the submissive as his, to own, control, dominate, and discipline during the Term. The Dominant may use the submissive’s body at any time during the Allotted Times or any agreed additional times in any manner he deems fit, sexually or otherwise.

He noted that He was very shocked that this was in our contract, that i would give such power to Him. Wow! This totally blew me away! To me, this is the basis of a D/s relationship and to remove this was to remove the very foundation of our Total Power Exchange. He was very concerned that it gave Him too much power and requested that i remove it. He was not concerned that He would abuse His power, but that He was surprised that someone would so willingly put themselves at risk for abuse of power. i explained to Him that yes, it did give Him complete power and that i gave it to Him out of complete and absolute trust. i trusted that He would use this power responsibly and not abuse it, and that was my ultimate gift to Him. He agreed to leave this in our contract after our discussion and my explanation. It was very interesting to me that this clause triggered Him so–i never would have expected that after these past six months of operating within these parameters of our existing contract. i very much appreciated His concern and candor about something so fundamental to our relationship. It was very worthy of discussion and really reinforced my commitment to our power exchange relationship

Our next discussion was about our communication rules. We both freely admit that we need to do better in this area and follow the terms of our contract that were written specifically to aid in conflict resolution. Our contract reads, in part:

Both parties agree to work through disagreements rather than dissolve this agreement. Disputes or disagreements shall begin and end with the spoken words, “I/i love Y/you.” The Dominant and the submissive agree not to yell at any time during disputes or disagreements. Safewords may be used to communicate frustration level to the other party. Either party may request a break from discussions in order to avoid pushing frustration levels to a point of yelling; this break will not be indefinite, but have specific time parameters indicating when discussions shall proceed again. It is also understood that at times, circumstances of life and work may not allow for immediate discussion. In these cases, the parties will set a specific time to have focused discussion with each other, free of distractions and allowing for private communication.

If communication fails completely, both parties can take the discussion “To The Locker Room.” The Dominant and the submissive agree that this should be the last alternative and only to be used in the rarest of occasions, if at all.

Unfortunately, while we have all this beautiful language, we have occasionally raised our voices and yelled, failed to begin and end with I/i love Y/you, failed to cue each other with safewords to indicate frustration levels, and have held heated arguments on the court rather than taking it to the Locker Room. Honestly, it was a relief to hear Maximus say that He too had failed to observe our contractual agreements in this area, as i have been feeling very guilty about my communication failures. We have promised each other to be more cognizant of this and to follow our contract in order to keep our communication respectful and productive, the way it has intended to work.

Finally came the fun stuff–my BDSM Activities List! We laughed and giggled throughout this section as our boundaries have so clearly moved outward this past six months. Our level of trust has increased exponentially, allowing us both to share our deepest, darkest secret desires and experience things we only dreamed of but never shared with anyone before. And with this sharing of desires, we have been able to make many of these dreams come true. We have no fear in sharing our desires, and this is a wonderful, wonderful thing. And it’s not because of the BDSM Activities List that this came about, it’s because of the frank discussions we’ve had in building our Relationship, developing our contract, communicating, and learning about ourselves and each other. Its through building of ultimate trust.

So our contract has been agreed upon and is ready for us to sign. We will be taking this with us to Hawaii and share our own personal commitment ceremony together on the beach to renew our contract and bond. Maximus has made some requests for things to be included in this ceremony and i have asked to re-present His ring to Him as part of my commitment to Him. i am just in awe of this extraordinary thing we have.

GOT 

Categories: BDSM contract, BDSM list, BDSM relationship, communication, D/s, Dom/sub, lifestyle, Living M/s, M/s, relationship, submissive | 1 Comment

Contractually Speaking

As i stood in the shower this morning recalling Maximus and i going over the details of our contract last night i thought, “Why doesn’t everyone make relationship contracts? Why have i never done this before?” The experience was so amazing, so enlightening, opened up so many areas of conversation that we’d not had, and cemented other topics we’d discussed. It sounds so unromantic, a contract, but it feels like one of the most romantic things i’ve ever done in my entire life. And important.

The specific details of our contract are private, between He and i, but i will share our process, basic format. We used the contract out of Fifty Shades of Grey as a guideline. i know much of the BDSM community aren’t necessary fans of this series, but it did offer an example for us when drafting our personal contract. Our contract is NOT that contract, is different, personalized to us, our experience, our comfort levels. We also looked at other contracts on the internet and BDSM activities lists and incorporated them into it.

The BDSM activities list included about 50 different activities and i went through the list first, on my own,  indicating whether i had ever participated in the activity and then rating my interest in engaging in that activity on a scale from 0-5:

  • 0 = I have no interest/don’t like this, but would do it to please you.
  • 1 = Not very interesting/don’t really enjoy this too much.
  • 2 = This is OK.
  • 3 = This is nice/fun/interesting.
  • 4 = I really enjoy/think I’ll enjoy this activity
  • 5 = I LOVE THIS/CAN’T WAIT TO TRY THIS!

and could combine this with:

  • NO = Hard limit. I will not participate in this activity at all, at this time.
  • ? = Unfamiliar with this activity.
  • + = I’m scared of this but would possibly like to explore it.
  • ! = I’m embarrassed to admit I like this.

And then made any comments after that i felt were relevant.

After i sent it to Him, he did the same for each item on the list and returned it to me. We later went over the list together, line by line and discussed each item. Sometimes we had misunderstood the activity or modified the activity in order for acceptable limits for both of us. It was really fascinating and brought up some exciting fantasy talk too!

We discussed the contract over Skype, as He was traveling for business and as noted in my previous blog entry, we really wanted to get the contract settled as soon as possible so we could proceed. We went over that line by line together.

What i learned about Maximus during this process:

  • He is very protective and concerned about my well-being. This absolutely is NOT about hurting me but allowing me to love Him by giving myself to Him fully and He to derive pleasure by lavishing attention and care upon me in complete trust. This is a tremendous gift that we are giving each other and sharing together–something we won’t share with anyone else. Considering that we will continue to be involved with the swinging lifestyle together and separately, this is a HUGE thing.
  • He derives a huge amount of pleasure from my touch and gaze, to the point where the traditional protocol of a submissive not looking at or touching their master until instructed to do so was vehemently unacceptable to Him. i found this fascinating and thrilling. i would have been willing to avert my gaze and wait for His orders to touch Him, had He desired this, but love that He so values that about our relationship together.  
  • He was adamant about ensuring that our Dominant/submissive relationship was controlled, not to take over our entire relationship. It was important to Him that we had triggers to indicate when we were within the D/s roles for He wanted to ensure that i had equal footing as He valued that and my ability to speak and act freely in our relationship as a whole. 
  • While we both wish to continue our swinging lifestyle and even incorporating BDSM within it, it was important for both of us to distinguish our relationship as a priority from other sexual relationships we have. He shared some changes He was going to make in regards to this, which surprised me, things i wouldn’t have asked Him to do, but as He discussed them with me, i appreciated the gravity of them to an enormous degree. They are little things but BIG things. We also talked about communicating about those we are playing with, checking in, and what limits we had with other relationships.
  • Our level of communication was also written into our contract, a philosophy of “over-communication,” and includes full access and disclosure on electronic accounts and websites, calendars, etc. He was very passionate about this, and has been since our relationship became serious. This is not something i’ve had in previous relationships and i cannot reiterate enough the level of trust and appreciation i have for Him.

i love that we have the contract, not for the sake of the contract, but for bringing us together to communicate about things that others don’t, things that they make inaccurate assumptions about that later become huge rifts. i’m submissive but not a Polyanna…i know we will find things along the way that we haven’t talked about, things that will push against our boundaries, assumptions we’ve made, things we’ve talked about but misunderstood, and will undoubtedly have issues come up about them. But, we have a framework to talk about these things and, if needed, a contract we can amend to address them. And, most importantly, a commitment to each other in making this work.

Categories: BDSM, BDSM contract, BDSM list, D/s, Dom/sub, Dominant, submissive | Leave a comment

Uncomfort…

i’m a little taken aback, had a little earthquake. i thought we were on the same path.

i worry now that perhaps i was wrong in thinking that. am waiting for His call to talk about it.

He is traveling for business, two timezones away, and texted me this morning to visit. i shared with Him news one of our swinging lifestyle couple friends, the male half of which (let’s call him Mountain man) texted me last night and we visited about our weekends and getting together again soon. This is a couple we’ve played with together and separately and have very much enjoyed. It is also a couple that He has mentioned getting together with so He can learn rope bondage technique from, so not a couple that won’t be aware of our new adventure into BDSM.

Mountain man was very excited to share about his experience this weekend, flogging another female playmate. He also had some specific requests for the next time i would be with him and his mate (let’s call her Sunflower). Specifically, he wanted me to peg him wearing a strap-on while he fucked Sunflower and inquired if He (my Dom) would like to watch it, to which i replied, “Of course! And He’ll probably want to touch and play with Sunflower and me as well.” He went on to say that he and Sunflower were starting to explore their “kinkier side.” Remembering our plans to get together with this couple for rope bondage, i mentioned to him that i’d been flogged this weekend as well, having been a good girl, and that we were doing the same, working on our contract and had gone through my sub list. He wanted to know more, wanted to know my limits, etc, but my Dom and i had not talked about sharing that and i said i needed to talk to Him before sharing anything further.

i texted Him about this, to which He replied, “Need to be careful don’t want to get ahead of ourselves.” Oh…my heart dropped immediately into my stomach.

“What do you mean about getting ahead of ourselves?” i carefully asked.

“Poor choice of words. Brain moving too fast for fingers,” He texted.

i was still rocked and really needed to know what this was. “Ok. Rephrase so i understand?”

“you and I need to finish our contract so we are perfectly aligned. That’s what I meant,” He replied.

i had finished revising our contract before He came this past weekend, but we ran out of time to go over it. i’d sent Him a version prior. We’d talked a lot about everything, i thought, including going over my sub list, so i thought we WERE on the same alignment. Now i’m nervous. Has something changed?

i sent Him a copy of the contract, and then a revision later after i realized the sub list wasn’t in it and there were some edits to make based on our weekend’s conversations.

He did text that He couldn’t wait to Skype later.

i’m trying to be hopeful. What if we aren’t aligned? What if we can’t negotiate the contract? i thought we’d started already this weekend and that the contract was, in essence, agreed upon. What if there is a dealbreaker in our negotiation and we cannot come to terms with it? i’ve already given myself completely to Him, body, soul, and heart, based on this assumption. What happens to our relationship if we cannot agree now?

Clearly i am lacking some patience and discipline.

Categories: BDSM, BDSM contract, BDSM list, D/s, discipline, Dom/sub, Dominant, patience, sub list, submissive | Leave a comment

Blog at WordPress.com.

nijntje & The Bear

Dragons, Warriors and rabbits - The complex simplicity of my freedom under His domination.

Diary of seven

Diary of sub trying to survive in a modern dating world

Imani Sims

Curator & Person of Letters

Babygirl's Story Time

Memoirs of a DDLG Couple

submissy

Married submissive: The love, the kink and the connection.

20ishfeministblog.wordpress.com/

A website for the modern feminist

Active Submission

Because it shouldn't be passive.

CinnamonAndSparkles

If I had a power color, it would be sparkle. Landon Brinkley

The Bee hive

The World of Princess Bee

Domestic Discipline, Jenny style!

Unconventional journey to unimaginable fulfillment.

InnThrall: Seattle’s Kinky B&B

Private, Sex-Positive, Romantic Getaway

Lifestyle Wives

DIMINISHING THE STIGMA OF NON-MONOGAMY: WEBSITE FOR SWINGERS

The Beautiful Kind

A submissive's journal

Thrill of the Chaste

Personal experiences in the world of Male Chastity

On The Wet Coast

A submissive's journal

A Sexual Being

Where the lines of fantasy and reality blur…

TMI Tuesday blog

A confessional where people come to reveal too much information--sexy secrets, dirty deeds, and more.