BDSM classes

ForteFemme

ForteFemme

February, while at the Fetish Fair Fleamarket, Maximus and i had the opportunity to attend two classes by Midori, Mapping your D/s Archetype and The Exquisite Whip, both of which we found very transformative. Our dear friend, SexxyPixie, a switchy submissive, who attended those classes with us, had been through Midori’s three-day intensive ForteFemme course and simply raved about it, recommending that i attend if i had an opportunity. i looked into it, but when seeing that the course was about women’s dominance i questioned whether it was the right class for me; SexxyPixie insisted it was totally appropriate and was about embracing feminine power, not necessarily dominance. So, with trepidation, i signed up! And in my typical fashion, i worried about it between February and July.

A couple of weeks before the class i received an email package about the course including location, itinerary, expectations, more information, and homework. And i got even more nervous. The readings and homework questions all pertained to being a dominant in your sexual/kink relationships, something i was not at all experienced in and really hadn’t expressed a desire in. It took me three days to answer the questions with a lot of soul-searching and conversations with Maximus. He was very supportive in my attendance of this course. Through this pre-course assignment i really came to embrace the possibility of switching from time-to-time, exploring topping as a service to Maximus when we play with others. Maximus will always be dominant and His preference is to direct, which often includes directing me to do things with and to others. Perhaps, this course would make service topping more comfortable for me.

The course was held in a wonderful flat in the Flatiron District, an area i’d come to love when Maximus and i visited New York City over Valentine’s Day. i took the train from Washington, DC, where i’d been staying with friends, and stayed in a hotel in nearby Chelsea, walking distance between Penn Station and ForteFemme. The first session was in the evening, getting to know the eight other women attending the course, Midori, and her assistant; going over expectations and orientation for the course; and starting some introductory work. The women in the course were fantastic, from all over the country (and even one from Europe), all different levels of kink experience, and all orientations–it was a wonderful mix! Midori and her assistant were amazing as well and we were never wanting for anything. i did leave that evening concerned and befuddled, as it really did seem to be a course on being dominant, but, as the mission of the course was to “give tools and processes to experience and enjoy your dominance on your terms,” i remained committed to go back the next day open-minded to discover more.

Day two was amazing! We spent time discuss our personal needs for aftercare, how we should preplan our aftercare needs rather than expect someone else to assume to know what it is we need, and do the same for others we play with. We examined the need to develop discipline in determining what we personally need, asking for what we want, managing time, space, and expectations.  And we worked extensively defining foundational words of Dominant, Submissive, Sadist, Masochist, Top, Bottom, Switch, Fetishist, Master/Slave in terms of appetites, outcomes, and structures, so that we were speaking in common terms rather than self-defined shorthand. This asking for definitions, observables, from ourselves and others really was a theme for the course. We worked to define what someone would observe, tangible signs, if we were enjoying play, and what they would observe if we weren’t.

In the midst of this, Midori and i had a difference in terminology over the word like. It seems such a simple, unobtrusive word, but it became one i struggled with in terms of selecting a play partner due to like versus their Curriculum vitae (CV). The discussion took us off track and at some point, we all realized that perhaps she and i define like differently, and possibly there is something lost in translation between us given Midori’s Japanese descent. Afterward, even though we’d resolved it, i felt a bubble of stress, and air of discomfort between us, and it was most probably within me, as i get this way with Maximus, a sort of sheepish embarrassment of breaking a mood after verbal discussions or disagreements.

After a break, Midori asked for someone to volunteer to be in a flogging scene with her. i had seen a flogging scene by Midori during The Exquisite Whip and it was so transformative that it changed how Maximus and i played from that point on. No one else in our group had seen this and i decided i would volunteer to bottom to her so that others could watch and be transformed as i had been watching Midori a few months before. And, i felt it would be a good way for me to release this bubble of stress, remove this feeling of awkwardness i was feeling, and reconnect with Midori. It was a way for me to practice answering the question, “What would please me now?” an essential part of dominant discipline we were learning to apply in our daily lives. And Midori chose me as well.

Midori went through an abbreviated consent conversation with me to prepare for our scene. This preparatory phase is one of the things Maximus and i found so astounding and changing for our play–really having a conversation about desires and needs, gaining common ground for amazing play rather than going through a BDSM checklist of kinky acts. i described my desire for a catharsis, that i felt tension and stress that i wanted to release, and she shared that she felt the same and would be interested in a scene with that mood. And after concluding the conversation, she conducted the flogging scene with grace and deft that was exactly what i needed and cleared all tension i’d felt. And i was all noodles afterward, despite being a short scene.

We ended the day with a field trip to Purple Passion, a fetish and adult toy store in Chelsea and then dinner out with classmates, their partners, and some ForteFemme alumnae.

Admittedly, i was nervous about Day 3 going in. In order to successfully complete the course, at the end of the day we all had to complete a full consent conversation with either our partner we brought along or trainer bottom provided by Midori. We hadn’t even learned the consent conversation, only had the abbreviated demonstration during our flogging scene, so there was anxiety in not knowing yet what we were doing and my anxiety of having to come up with some type of scene where i was dominant/top–completely out of my comfort zone. My mind was reeling on what i could possibly want to do.

We started the day working to define what someone would observe, tangible signs, if we were enjoying topping, and as i’d never topped before, i could only surmise based on non-play dominant situations, which were all about work. Midori advised that i pay attention to future play situations where i would be dominant and learn what those observables were for me. We then examined play we enjoyed as children and how to incorporate those areas of joy into our adult play, something i found fascinating!

Then we did an exercise on role models of powerful femme icons–which ended up completely debasing me. We did work as a group listing examples of powerful femme icons in mythology, history, literature, current culture and talked about their light and dark attributes. After time as a group doing this, we were instructed to do the same individually, listing powerful femme icons that have been our personal role models and then listing their light and dark attributes. i struggled with this and ended up with five. i was shocked in the realization that i didn’t have role models, that i had simply visualized where i wanted to be and made myself into that likeness, not modeled around anyone else. But then, after listing these, we were asked to fold the paper and read off the attributes, which, in turn, reflected your desired type of dominant play. i…was…horrified. Everything reflected work, the work that i had been working for a decade to disassociate from my self. i instantly started to bawl. It was not at all to do with my desired play but with my role at work. i was horrified to realize that i had not accomplished separating my professional self from my individual self.

But an amazing thing happened.

After pouring my grief and frustration out to the group, another woman came and sat down with me at the break to share attributes of one of her role models she’d listed. And then she shared that it was me. i was blown away. i know i didn’t handle it with the most grace, i was still reeling, but i hadn’t realized that i hadn’t failed, that failing would be completely disregarding all those attributes that made me, me.

Then we went right into the consent conversation. And it wasn’t great for me. i was still in my head. The previous exercise was just so intense and i’d not had any time to process it that i was just a puddle. i did the best i could with the trainer bottom i was assigned. He was very gracious and patient and i so appreciate that he took the time and energy to participate and be present. It was very jolty at first, but after i revealed to him that my tendency is toward submission and that this was a difficult exercise for me, we moved more into a real conversation and things improved. We didn’t complete the exercise and we didn’t get into actually playing, but i had figured out in the process that what i really wanted was a simple massage of my back, shoulders, neck, and scalp, so i would call that a win.

After the final formalities, receiving feedback and certificates, it was over. Midori had advised us from Day 1 to preplan our own aftercare, so i went out to dinner at a restaurant i had reserved, returned to my room to pack and hit the sack. i held it together until i got back to my room and was talking to Maximus on the phone, and then there were sobs. The end of the last day was just too intense and i was crumbling. At that point, i openly stated that i wished i hadn’t gone, that i failed. i packed and cried myself to sleep.

Maximus had anticipated this. i’d had a month of being constantly around people, houseguests, vacations with friends, and ForteFemme, and He knew my batteries were going to be exhausted due to my introverted nature. Maximus had upgraded my flights home, complete with a first class cocoon and passes to the airline club room. i watched movies, had a mimosa and fresh fruit, and gave myself a break. In the days that followed i slept, worked in my garden, and had a massage. And i chatted with my submissives network, something that helped me most of all. This group of women is just so important to me as they held space and gave me an opportunity to speak my truth and process my thoughts without judgment or criticism.

It’s taken several days for me to fully process this experience, and i have no regrets at all for ForteFemme. Struggle brings clarity and in discomfort we shift to find our true place. i have not failed, at all. i have had the beauty of discovering that i am on the right path for me and that my desire for submission play is my way of reconciling the years of professional dominance, thus my preference. My strong reaction was a sign. i’ve picked up amazing skills and processes to enhance my relationship with Maximus and play with others, even as a submissive. Embracing my femme power is now part of my daily practice, something Maximus has been encouraging all along. And i am on a path to discovering much more of Maximus and His needs, things i assumed and took for granted.

ForteFemme was amazing. my journey and experience is unique to me, as i was unique to it. i wouldn’t hesitate at all to recommend others, of all persuasions and desires, this intensive study. Go with an open mind and open heart and ready to delve into the light and dark places. But be prepared, you won’t leave as the same person you arrived.

Categories: BDSM classes, communication, flogging, ForteFemme, insecurities, Midori | 1 Comment

Shibari for Lovers and A Black Tie Affair

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Yesterday was just a magnificent day! We went to two events that were spectacular in their own ways.

The first event was Shibari for Lovers, presented by Seattle Shibari and the Foundation for Sex Positive Culture. It was a small group, limited to eight couples, making it very intimate and gave us a lot of access for personal instruction. The goal of the class was to learn how to make rope play more intimate and connective between the top and bottom, increasing the intensity of the scene. And, wow, did it meet that intention!

While we only learned a few ties:

  • Single colum tie
  • Maete Shibari
  • One-Rope Gote Shibari
  • Hands-free Chest Harness
  • Ebi Shibari (Prawn Tie)

we came away with a new way to connect with each other through rope, and an understanding that a rope scene can be so much more than just tying someone up (or being tied up). Varying the speed, positioning of the top and bottom, timing movement with breath, eye contact, and more, were ways we learned to increase intensity in our play. It was very similar to what we learned in Midori‘s Exquisite Whip class.

Something that came up in Midori’s class and this one was setting an intention for the scene during negotiation. Since we are 24/7 D/s and have a negotiated BDSM checklist, we really have never negotiated our scenes with each other, only play with others. We both felt that everything had been pre-negotiated and we didn’t have to do that step. But we’ve learned that negotiating the intention of a scene can make a HUGE difference in connection and fulfillment for both the top and the bottom. Asking, “What do you want to get out of a scene today” or explaining what you would want to feel with a scene and discussing whether that fits with the other person, negotiating, and getting enthusiastic consent is crucial for moving a scene from good to phenomenal. Perhaps the top wants to have a scene of control and aggression but the bottom is looking for something playful and fun–this mismatch, if not communicated and used to adjust the scene can take away from the outcome. We’ve never done this! But we can see how it can take our scenes to a new level and we will be implementing this from now on.

Note, it doesn’t take away from the mystery of the scene. Maximus does not have to describe step-by-step what He is going to do, just the intention of the scene. And it does not mean i cannot request certain activities or ask that some things not be included–if my nipples are sore and i don’t want to have nipple torture done in the scene, i can communicate that to Maximus. For us, we have negotiated our kink activities and unless i communicate my non-consent for any of them, they would be on board (that’s our agreement)–it would be different if we were playing with others, the negotiation would include what activities we’d be interested in or not wanting to do/have done. But what it does is get us in the same mindset and connect us more emotionally. We love that!

There was so much energy exchanged between us during the application parts of the class in micro-scenes that by the end of the class, Maximus was dopey and i was spent! It was just a delicious class.

Maximus and i had signed up for this class as part of a package from the FSPC called “Bondage Lovers’ Delight: Day and Evening of Delights.” It included the Shibari for Lovers class, a limited edition custom Monk Sak with rope from the Twisted Monk, and admission for two to the Black Tie Affair that night.monk-sak_2

We received our Monk Sak at the class and it is beautiful (it’s the image at the top of this post)! Twisted Monk screenprinted them with the CSPC/FSPC logo and filled them with hemp rope, safety shears, and DVD of his rope videos. We learned last night that our saks were one of a half-dozen of these custom designed and we are honored to have one. It will be so nice to have a space to set out our rope and supplies during events.

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We headed home for a couple of hours for a nap and decompression after the class before getting ready to head to the Black Tie Affair. This event, held by the Art Activist Society, was a benefit party for the 15th annual Seattle Erotic Art Festival. We had never been before and had no idea what to expect. The tickets said to dress to impress in your version of formal, fetish-wear and included a bondage theme. Maximus wore his tux with vest and jacket, colorful socks, and His Michael Toschi black leather shoes with red stitching to match my outfit. i wore a floor-length, off-shoulder, long-sleeved sheer black lace dress with red panties, black and red below-breast corset, my black vinyl boots with red ribbon side lacing, and my collar. Having not been before, i was concerned that being able to see my bare breasts through the sheer lace above my corset would be a problem, so i wore the black lace and leopard print silk and cashmere shawl Maximus bought for me in Las Vegas a few years ago so i could cover myself up, if necessary (turns out it was not necessary at all!). We both felt elegant and sexy! We tried to get a selfie before we left the house, but the selfie-stick wasn’t cooperating and we bagged it to prevent being late!

The party was held at artist Steve Jensen‘s studio in Capital Hill. His art is amazing and we thoroughly enjoyed talking with him and learning all about the inspiration to his art. Twisted Monk had an interactive art piece he’d custom made for the event, which he explained beautifully to us one-on-one. It consisted of a person tied in an apparatus with ropes over pulleys from which hung buckets with labels such as Passion, Inspiration, things that cause us to support things such as art; and we were all asked to select gold rocks, which represented what we have to give things that are important to us, and put the rock in the bucket that matched our personal cause. When you put a rock in a bucket, it pulled on the rope of the person tied in the apparatus and moved their position! Photos of the art selected for April’s Erotic Art Festival were shown on the wall of the gallery for pre-purchase.

Then, as if it wasn’t fantastic enough, Steve and his partner, black-tie-affair_1Vincent, invited all the guests upstairs to their personal home for the rest of the party! Their space is gorgeous and full of art from Steve, himself, and other notable artists from all over the world. And we got a personal tour of their naughty room, a space full of erotic art ranging from ancient dildos to modern erotica! We were delighted with performances by performance poet Imani Sims, musician Michaud Savage, and burlesque (boylesque) performer Waxie Moon (pictured to the right). Honestly, they were just amazing and wonderful people to meet and get to know. We also were honored to see Miss Indigo Blue of the Academy of Burlesque honored as the 2016 Master of Erotic Art inductee.

We met amazing people and had a wonderful time! We can’t wait for the Seattle Erotic Art Festival and look forward to attending this benefit for years to come! It was truly an honor to attend.

Categories: BDSM, BDSM classes, BDSM list, Center for Sex Positive Culture, Foundation for Sex Positive Culture, rope bondage, Seattle Erotic Art Festival, Seattle Shibari | Tags: | Leave a comment

The Flea

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We both really enjoyed NELA‘s Fetish Fair FleaMarket! We’d been to Kinkfest in Portland several years ago, so had a pretty good idea of what to expect–and it met our expectations (in a good way!).

The event is huge, really. They take over the entire Crowne Plaza complex in Warwick, Rhode Island. Only one couple in our group had a room at the Crowne Plaza, the rest of us stayed a few miles away in another hotel. We would prefer to be in the host hotel next time, as it just would make it easier for access to the vendor areas, storing stuff, a little less running around. There were 14 presentation areas with something going on at all times during the entire weekend. We had made a list of classes we wanted to take, but we ended up only going to four! We had to skip some classes in order to go through the vendor areas and lunch took much, much longer than we had anticipated. But the classes we did go to were terrific:

  • Basic Violet Wands by Lady Shimla
  • Mapping your D/s Archetype by Midori (more on this in another entry)
  • Let’s Talk Hogties by Murphy Blue
  • The Exquisite Whip: Amazing Hand-on Flogging Training by Midori

We didn’t go to the Dungeon parties at the Flea, our friends had private parties lined up for our group, so i cannot comment on what was held at the Crowne Plaza.

While the event was great, it appears that the Flea has really outgrown the space at the Crowne Plaza. Half of the vendor fair is in individual rooms, which are difficult to access due to a crowded hallway and being in hotel rooms–sometimes it was just impossible to get into a vendor room. i like to know at a glance what a vendor has and you can’t do this from the hallway, you have to walk in and see what they have. The entry into the rooms was a real bottleneck due to this. Some classes were held in rooms, too. This really limited the number of people who could attend due to the size of the room, and on Sunday, the elevators were busy with people checking out and we couldn’t get to the class on time (no one could find the stairs!) and we were denied access to a class we really wanted to go to.

We will go back if our friends are planning to go again next year. We will try our darnedest to get a room at the event, plan on eating at the concession area rather than the restaurant in order to save time, and plan time for vendor shopping. It is nice to get a perspective of things on the east coast, see different instructors and vendors we might not see in the Pacific Northwest.

But, the best part was seeing our friends again and spending time with them!

Categories: BDSM, BDSM classes, BDSM Con, Fetish Fair Fleamarket, Midori, Murphy Blue | Tags: | Leave a comment

Artful Service Homework

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i was able to finally complete my homework from Miss Amy Red’s Artful Service class while flying to NYC for our Valentine’s week trip!

What makes service feel artful to you?

Art is defined as skill acquired by experience, study, or an occupation requiring knowledge or skill (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/art). So if we were to simply use these definitions, any service that was studied or someone was knowledgeable in would be considered artful. However, i feel that there is something more to service being artful, in that is it done with added grace, intention, attention to detail, and love. i can easily prepare Maximus’ bed at night—i do it every night He’s home—but i can be much more loving and attentive about it: gently removing the pillows and arranging them extra neatly beside the bed and on the dresser, lovingly smoothing out the quilt after i spread it over His side of the bed, fluff and caress His pillow. This is much different than tossing the pillows off, roughly pulling the quilt up and flipping the covers back. And it doesn’t matter whether He’s watching or not, being artful about it in this manner makes a difference.

i’ve heard it said many times that you can taste when someone cooks while they are angry, that it actually changes how the food is prepared and tastes. Love is an important ingredient in food and in all service. Doing service with love and intention changes the experience for both the giver and the receiver.

  • What do you enjoy about service?

i enjoy the act of doing something for someone—it gives me joy and an expanded sense of purpose. i have been in a service profession all of my adult life and was drawn to it to help those who needed it. my leadership style is servant leadership, in that i work to provide resources to others so that they can succeed. Being helpful, improving people’s lives makes me feel good! i enjoy serving Maximus because it helps make His life even better, takes a lot of stuff off His plate so He can better focus and achieve more for Himself and us, and He truly appreciates it—that’s huge! But i also enjoy service because it allows me to use my skills, whether in cooking, home maintenance and repair, gardening, decorating, playing the piano, proofreading, making PowerPoint documents, active listening, leadership advisement, etc.

  • What qualities set some service apart as being artful?

As i mentioned above, having intention, going above and beyond just completing the task, value-added, something that surprises and delights, done in a graceful, beautiful manner.

What increases the connection in acts of service?

Having focus and mindfulness increases the connection. Including touch, eye contact, slowing down all increase the connection. Doing something extra, anticipating needs or desires also increase this,

  • 2 ways to focus your attention that could increase connection in service interactions

As noted above, eye contact and touch/physical interaction can increase connection in service interactions.

  • What tools do you use to communicate your intentions wordlessly?

Body language and eye contact, positioning.

  • What do you appreciate about your partner in artful service interactions?

During artful service interaction i appreciate Maximus’ response and reactions. It is more than just a “thank you,” it is a look in His eyes, tone of voice, a deeper connection. Oftentimes i am rewarded with play, attention, whether it’s immediate or delayed.

What makes service more unique and intimate?

Knowing your partner’s preferences, touch, eye contact, positioning.

  • What style or service archetype are you curious about exploring?

As noted in Our M/s, we have incorporated attributes of 1950s Housewife, Victorian, CEO/COO into our D/s. We are extremely interested in exploring high protocol and have discovered the Libertine Social Club in our region, which will give us a chance to learn more and try it out.

  • What “ordinary” act of service would you like to try charging up?

i would be interested in charging up our bedtime ritual. i have several tasks for this, but i would like to find ways to increase our connection and intention as we go to bed. This is something i need to bring up to Maximus to see how He feels about this and what we can do to achieve this.

  • Can you make it more (choose one or more) valuable, enjoyable, beautiful, irreplaceable?

Valuable, enjoyable, and beautiful

What can improve or correct existing service?

Awareness is a large part of improving or correcting existing service. If you are not cognizant of areas where service can be improved or corrected, you will continue to operate at that level. It will require some self-discipline to evaluate performance, and evaluation, feedback, discipline, correction from Maximus as well.

  • What obstacle have you experienced recently?

During the last review of our rules and protocols, we noticed that we have not been sticking to the rules and protocols regarding door opening. i have been opening my own doors, especially car doors, which is a violation of Maximus’ expectations. While this does not seem like a service, it serves Maximus’ desire to be a gentleman—disregarding this robs Him of something important deep within Him. It also serves as a reminder to me that i am His, that there are expectations i must operate within, and causes me pause to remember our relationship.

While i have been better about this since we discussed this issue, there are many things i can do to make this more artful. First, i can use the pause to actually reflect on our relationship rather than look at my phone (as is often the case when waiting for Maximus to come around and open the car door to let me out), second, i can look into Maximus’ eyes and then nod during these times to convey my appreciation and connection rather than simply thanking Him, which i do every time, third, i can incorporate touch when i pass Him during these interactions.

  • What category(s) does that experience seem to fit with?

Incorporating these things can make the experience more valuable, enjoyable, beautiful, and irreplaceable. Why irreplaceable? Because i know Maximus holds doors for others, but He does not receive any of the response i described above from anyone, which will set that interaction to a higher level than others, increasing our connection, and strengthening our relationship.

Categories: 24/7, BDSM classes, D/s, M/s, Miss Amy Red, protocols, relationship, rituals, submissive housewife | Tags: | Leave a comment

Classes

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Maximus and i have been taking classes like crazy from the Center for Sex Positive Culture (CSPC) in Seattle. It’s like we’re making up for all the time we lost being afraid of munches and exploring our local kink community! FetLife has been great for finding these events (and we sure hope FetLife can keep going with all the financial limitations they’ve endured recently due to world politics).

We have been continuing the Tying With Purpose rope series with Suspended Animation. We started with Bondage for Sex, which i described in Rope, Shoes, and Sloppy Blow Jobs, and had Bondage for Power: Tying for Dominance and Pain Play two weeks ago. We really like this group, they are so down to earth and appreciate their approach to teaching this Topic, which can be so intimidating. It has been fun for me to watch Maximus’ skills and comfort with ropes and knots grow—He’s really, really enjoying it! This class taught us:

  • The Bar Tie
  • Ladder Rung
  • Wrists to Crotch
  • The Hobbler
  • The Guatemalan
  • The Toe Crusher

Maximus ADORED the Bar Tie! i have to admit it looks pretty cool and is very practical. It basically creates a handle, which is very convenient for the Top and really objectifying for the bottom (which i adore!!). He picked up this tie so quickly and then added in things He’d learned from the previous class (chest harness and breast bondage, which are His favorites). i was very concerned about the Hobbler, Guatemalan, and Toe Crusher ties as they deal with tying the feet and toes. i am horribly ticklish in a bad, bad way, thanks to my dad tickle torturing us as children, in fact, tickling is a hard limit for me, and Maximus wasn’t going to attempt them on me except i suggested that He proceed cautiously. i really didn’t want Him to not participate in something they were teaching us and Maximus has been the only person who has ever been able to touch my feet, so i said i’d try. He was so careful that He tied these ties very loose, which caused them to completely lose their intended effect. In fact, with the Toe Crusher, in which rope goes in between each toe and then the Top squeezes the toes together laterally to cause pain, did not elicit any pain whatsoever, causing the instructor to come over to squeeze—and then think i was some kind of masochistic badass with an incredibly high pain tolerance since i had little response! i started to worry that maybe i had some kind peripheral neuropathy, and then Maximus tied it tighter and i learned why it was called the Toe Crusher and that i didn’t have nerve disease in my feet—ouch!! But, i didn’t hate having Maximus bind my feet and i enjoyed the pain, so another hard limit softened. i just don’t know if i can be comfortable with others tying or touching my feet like He does.

The next class we will with this group will be the first class in the series, So You Want to Tie People Up, since we started with the second class. That will be this upcoming weekend. It will cover basic techniques, which will be good for Maximus as He had to learn their way of doing the single column knot on the fly at the first class we attended.

We also took a class from Lee Harrington, Making an Impact, which was a primer on impact play. We have listened to Lee Harrington on the Erotic Awakening podcasts and were anxious to meet him. The class was great and so was Lee! He started with anatomy, using Miss Amy Red as his bottom for the class (more great stuff on her later), techniques and body positions for impact play, and then went over different implements of impact play. Lee had brought a large array of impact tools, from gloves to paddles to canes and more! It was great to feel the different tools. i’ve always been curious about canes, but Maximus has been pretty unsure about them, but after learning about them and checking them out, He seems interested in them now. This class helped Maximus wrap His head around the difference between spanking for discipline and spanking for pleasure. As i think i’ve written about before, He really isn’t comfortable with domestic discipline, so spanking has been a conundrum for Him (however using a crop or a flogger has not). The class proved fruitful—which i’ll write about in another post.

And we picked up two of Lee’s books on Shibari, which look awesome! We can’t wait to try the techniques and ties from the books.

And finally, i went to two classes on my own! Miss Amy Red, who was the bottom for Lee’s impact class, presented two classes on service—Service: Devotion in Deed and Artful Service. i enjoyed these very much. While they were described in a way that looked like they were geared just for submissives, they would really be helpful for Dominants as well and i wished Maximus had come along with me.

In Service: Devotion in Deed, Miss Amy Red discussed service relationships and how service doesn’t necessary flow only from the s-type to the D-type. i completely agree with this and haven’t heard others say it before. i feel that while I serve Maximus in our D/s relationship, He serves me as well, primarily by providing the environment that enables me to enjoy my submissive self, being the breadwinner, supporting me in all aspects of my life, and in our interactions. It was refreshing to her Miss Amy Red discuss this. She also addressed ensuring that the relationship is a fair exchange, not causing a depletion in one person, which i totally relate to, feeling that drain in previous relationships and in my career that stopped feeding my soul.

Artful Service dealt with how to increase connection through service, specifically through attention, intention, and gratitude. She and her bottom demonstrated these and how they enhanced the connected between the Top and bottom during acts of service, making it more valuable and beautiful. And it didn’t apply only to the bottom, it applies to the Top as well, changing how the service was received to increase the connection with the bottom. Maximus was very intrigued when i discussed this with Him and we are working to implement these techniques. One thing i did not agree with Miss Amy about was her feeling that anticipatory service was creepy, like Santa Claus spying on children to see if they were being naughty or nice. It’s ok, we’re all entitled to provide service in a manner that makes us feel fulfilled and it’s not something she finds good for herself personally. Maximus and i, on the other hand, appreciate anticipatory service, to the point that it is included in my contract. my goal is to surprise and delight Maximus, which He loves. i generally do not have to spy on Him to figure out how to anticipate His needs, i just have gotten to know Him so well that it comes naturally. For example, we recently spent a staycation in downtown Seattle on a cold and blustery weekend. As we were leaving our house to go downtown, i packed a warm scarf for Maximus—i knew that if i asked Him whether He wanted one He’d say no, but i also knew He would be wanting one once we were out walking around Christmas shopping. Sure enough, when we started out and i pulled out a scarf for Him, He was overjoyed and told me over and over, “Have I told you how much I love my scarf?!?”

But she had HOMEWORK for the class!! i’m so excited about the homework! i will be working on these over the next several weeks and post them. And her handout had a ton of links that i will explore and journal about.

One of the most exciting things is that i learned that Miss Amy Red is one of the hosts of the Libertine Social Club, a high-protocol D/s dinner club held quarterly at the CSPC. Maximus and i have been interested in finding an event like this for training and to experience, especially after we heard about the Eagle Scout and Mmm’s experience with one where they are on the east coast. We’ve been interested and heard a little about the Libertine Social Club at a munch, but since we don’t have any experience in high protocol, were uneasy about looking into attending. However, after talking with Miss Amy Red about it, it is definitely something we can do and sounds like we’d really enjoy. They aren’t running the event until the CSPC has its new space all set up, which is fine, given our crazy busy schedule right now.

The classes have been so wonderful! We have thoroughly enjoyed them and are getting to know people. In fact, we have started to get to know another D/s couple that we’ve met at the D/s discussion group and have attended some of these classes with. They live near us and we’re hoping to carpool to some of these events and have gone to happy hour after one and had a marvelous time! We love hearing about their journey and learning more about them, their kink, and things to explore. It’s nice to have local kinky friends.

Categories: BDSM, BDSM classes, Center for Sex Positive Culture, D/s, Erotic Awakening, FetLife, High Protocol, Lee Harrington, Libertine Social Club, Miss Amy Red, rope bondage, Suspended Animation | Tags: | 2 Comments

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