aftercare

Desire’s First Dungeon!

Photo by @DylantheThomas

Wednesday night was a first at Desire–they hosted a dungeon for the kinksters here at the Swingset takeover. The staff actually made some fabulous apparatus from plans provided by J.V. and Shara: a cross, spanking bench, and kneeling bench. It was wonderful to have a place for our kink.

Maximus had me dress in a net dress that has cut-outs for each breast, my cuffs and collar, the black iridescent ultra high heels He surprised me with several years ago, and the slutty makeup He loves (lots of black eyeliner/mascara and red lipstick).

We arrived early into the Dungeon hours as we were concerned we wouldn’t get in! i didn’t have a lot of time to check out the dungeon before Maximus blindfolded me, but i do recall people draping the cross with towels for a scene. The play space was cordoned off for spectators and there were several couples standing and seated to watch.

Maximus led me over to a sheet-covered, cushioned, flat platform and applied my leather blindfold. i really appreciated being blindfolded so i wouldn’t be distracted by onlookers or other play adjacent to us in the dungeon. He then pulled my dress up to my waist, spread my legs apart, slid his hand into my dripping pussy, and caused me to squirt. i was so turned on that i ejaculated a huge amount, more than Maximus expected so early, and we were not prepared. i made a huge puddle on the tile floor that Maximus covered with towels. He reset me so i stood spread on the towels, arms extended like a Vitruvian man. He grabbed me and held me tightly against Him, His lips in my ear, one hand in my pussy, instructing me not to cum. It was so hard. He squeezed my nipples, again denying my orgasm. And then release, He returned to my pussy and gave me permission to cum. He did this over and over. All the while i held my arms outstretched to the sides. i’m usually restrained in this position–this was the first time i didn’t have straps or ropes to lean my aching arms into and it took a lot of concentration to maintain.

After some time with this, Maximus moved me to a seated position on the platform, pivoted me and told me to lay on my back with my legs spread/bottoms of my feet together. He applied nipple suction to both breasts and twisted then until they started pulling a vacuum. He whispered in my ear that my right nipple was dripping clear fluid under the pressure and that He was very proud of me.

Next came the crop. He cropped my breasts, first while they were flaccid with the tubes, and then taut while he pulled on the vacuum devices. And then He cropped my mons, pussy, and clit. Again, i was unrestrained, no spreader bar, no thigh cuffs or straps/rope, and was told to keep my legs spread and feet together. Oh that was hard!

Maximus alternated between cropping, tightening the nipple tubes, and making me squirt. He stopped denying my orgasms, whispering roughy in my ear that i may cum freely–and i did, over and over.

i did have to call my yellow safeword a couple of times as my clit and pussy took the edge of the crop flap several times. It was unusual for that to happen.

After this, Maximus did something entirely new. After increasing vacuum on my nipples again, He grabbed both tubes and pulled them away from my body, stretching my breasts out and then pushing them back into me over and over in rapid succession. It was wonderful! He’d do this until i came, give me a rest, and would then repeat. It was thrilling as i was never sure if the tubes would pull off, which can be searingly painful and usually throws me into subspace, but they never pulled off. I did have to call yellow after many rounds of this as it became more aggressive and i felt i might have heart palpitations if it continued any longer. From my medical background i know that you can create an electrical response and dysrhythmias from striking the chest in a procedure called precordial thump, and I felt we were getting too close to that. It did take my breath away, which was an interesting sensation.

Maximus then whispered in my ear that it was time for Him to remove my nipple tubes. He massaged my breast before squeezing it tightly and released vacuum on the tube. After pulling the tube, Maximus squeezed my freed, elongated, purple nipple while i gasped and came. He repeated the other side. He sat me up and let me get my equilibrium before assisting me to standing, but my legs were too wobbly to stay up. i heard one of the other subs who were coordinating the aftercare room come over and check on us, bringing towels for Maximus to wrap me in. Eventually I was able to stand. Maximus kept my blindfolded and led me to the aftercare room.

The aftercare room was colder than i would have liked. It wasn’t the fault of those running the dungeon–the back playroom has been notoriously too cold the last three years Maximus and i have visited it. We’ve never been able to successfully play in there because of the low temperature. Knowing this, Maximus piled on blankets and towels and wrapped Himself around me. He told me how well I’d done, stroked my hair, and helped me drink some water. When He determined I was okay, He went back to the dungeon to collect our things and clean up the space–one of the aftercare subs stayed with me.

When He returned i let Him know i was ready to have the blindfold removed and then my cuffs and collar. He was prepared for me to go sub when removing my cuffs, as i did the other night, but it only made me gasp and curl into Him rather than sending me into subspace.

We talked about the scene and i was surprised it hadn’t gone longer. He said He stopped the scene as when checking my skin temperature it had suddenly dropped. i’d not noticed this and never felt cold.  i think having a shorter scene than we usually do kept me from going sub.

Toys Maximus had me pack.

The aftercare room got too cold for me so Maximus led me out by the dungeon area to leave. We stopped briefly so i could see what was happening and i was thrilled to see all the areas being used and lot of people watching. People came up to thank us for the scene, hug me, and compliment on my smeared makeup (those were people who knew that was a fetish for Maximus). And then Maximus led me out, down the stairs of the disco, and over to the hot tub.

During our debriefing in the hot tub, Maximus noted that He felt the most connected He has ever felt in our kink play in a public space. He said He was able to focus on me rather than be distracted by other things going on in the dungeon or crowd. This was a big thing as He is easily distracted. He did look into the crowd twice, He said, and was entertained by the sight of women holding their own breasts and grimacing in response to what He was doing! He asked about the yellows from me and i shared about the crop edges. Apparently the size of the platform and proximity of the cordon to separate onlookers put Him at a difficult angle rather than squared off to me and that He’d be more aware of that in the future.

Back in our room later, we reveled at my purple nipples and red ring around each aerola before fucking.

The next day someone asked us about the noise from onlookers talking while we were scening. i replied that i never even heard them and only heard orgasms or cries from others in the dungeon once or twice. We were both extremely focused on our scene.

It’s Friday and my nipples are now blotchy red. i’ve loved these marks and how they’ve changed from deep purple to red.

Desire has my vote for a repeat dungeon!

Categories: aftercare, BDSM, BDSM dungeon, breast torture, Desire, Dom/sub, Dungeon Party, J.V. and Shara, nipple clamps, sensory deprivation play, Sex resort, Swingers resort | Leave a comment

Unexpected Bliss

i had an amazing night last night. i hardly know how to describe it.

It’s been an overwhelming year for Maximus and me, the time between last year’s Swingset Desire trip and now. Neighborhood drama, a new grandson, son’s wedding, suicide of a cherished play partner, hypothyroid healing, moving, work, etc, and it’s really interfered with our D/s, play, and even just plain sex. We’ve had maybe one scene and therefore i’ve not worn my cherished collar or cuffs much.

Last night’s theme was Innapropriate Behavior and Deviant Desires. Getting ready for the trip, i pondered this theme and decided that instead of me dressing Maximus for this night, Maximus would choose for me, meaning that i would wear His favorite things from our play: my red satin lined leather collar and cuffs, my red satin ribbon laced vinyl boots, the black G-string with the metal C-ring in front and matching cupless underwire bra with metal C-rings for my nipples to protrude, silver bell tweezer nipple clamps, bright red smearable lipstick, heavy black eyeliner and non-waterproof mascara that would run down my face if my eyes water, and messy, freshly fucked wild hair. This is His favorite way for me to dress for Him.

And, the foxtail buttplug.

Mind you, i’ve NEVER worn my foxtail out other than one small house party where it freaked our friends out and i promptly removed it, and a play session with kinky friends with my original foxtail where the tail was accidentally broken in the middle of a scene causing an immediate, horrible crash for me. i adore my tail, it’s special, extremely personal, and i’m terrified of it being broken, grabbed, or misunderstood. It’s not a costume, it’s not a sex toy, it’s my persona, my spirit animal, an extension of my soul and sexuality, sacred. Maximus has asked me for the past two years to bring it to the Desire trip and i have refused, afraid of it being mistreated by unintentional mishandling by others, being shamed, and it being damaged by the humidity or water from the pool/spa. Taking my tail was my gift to Maximus and He was beyond thrilled. This was a big thing. BIG.

Getting ready in the room, our neighbor came over to visit, saw my tail set out on the bed with my things, and immediately made a beeline for it. Terror shot through me. Somehow i managed to squeak out, “Careful, that’s my tail, it’s important to me,” before he grabbed it without permission. i picked it up to show him as he reached for it exclaiming, “Does that go in your butt?!?!?” Crap, it’s my nightmare, everything i was afraid of. Maximus recognized this. i handed my tail to Him and retreated into the bathroom so He could explain the tail to our neighbor, and did my makeup.

i dressed after our neighbor left. Panties, boots, bra, silver bells, tail. And as our protocol, knelt with my hands holding up the back of my hair so Maximus could put my collar on me, and then my cuffs, one by one.

i felt amazing. It is difficult to describe exactly what it was other than i felt entirely me, energized, confident, bulletproof, beautiful, turned on. my pussy dripped down my legs, into my boots.

The party was fantastic. Many people were amazed. No one grabbed my tail, people asked to stroke it and i held it for them to touch. Some people seemed put off by it but i didn’t care. i was able to tell the story of my tail, what it meant to me, and how it wasn’t a costume for me. We visited with a woman who’d come to the previous night’s party as a pony, completely recognized by me as a pony, not a costume, and had encouraged me by her presence as her pony persona with her gorgeous tail to be brave enough to wear mine tonight. We understood the significance of each others tails.

But most of all, i was me. It was empowering.

We went up to the hot tub area later to watch the show, which was moved back to the disco. i spent some time as a “therapy fox” for someone who needed some comfort, enjoying the time as they stroked my soft tail. Then suddenly the bed at the top of the stairs appeared to glow as if under spotlights, beckoning me. i asked Maximus if we could spend some time together on that glowing bed and He led the way.

And then the most amazing, unplanned scene happened. i got on all fours and Maximus slid beneath me to lick my pussy. The panties came off but my tail remained. He finger fucked me, made me squirt all over Him before moving behind to fuck me hard, yanking my hair. It was fantastic! my collar ring clanged, my silver bells rang, i was in heaven. Maximus walked in front of me and fucked my mouth, smearing my red lipstick all over my face and sending a torrent of black eyeliner and mascara down my cheeks. He then fucked me hard and we reveled in our sex.

After some aftercare, i decided i wanted to go to the hot tub. We spent time discussing it as it meant removing my tail, cuffs, and collar, but in the end i decided it was time. Kneeling into Maximus on the bed, He gently unclasped the cuff, pulled the end free of the buckle and slid the satin off my skin, holding my wrist against His chest. It made me gasp and a sob came from deep within me. Tears welled into my eyes and i leaned deeper into Him. He kissed my wrist and reached over to my other hand, pulling it into Him. Again, He removed the second cuff and i crumbled, tumbled immediately into subspace. my collar came off next, then my tail, where i clutched it to my chest and sobbed. He gently removed my boots and held me, leaving my silver bell nipple clamps.

i remember feeling so naked, like a turtle pulled out of its shell. It took a long time for Maximus to bring me back, wrapped up in towels and held.

He led me to the hot tub when i was ready enough and we slid into the warm water, me oblivious to everyone else there. He held me close in the water and i was suddenly ravenous for Him. i’ve never had this reaction after subspace before, but i was enormously horny and couldn’t leave Him alone! i jumped onto His cock and fucked Him, reached behind and pulled my legs onto His shoulders and rammed myself onto Him. He finger fucked my ass. Orgasm after orgasm, even squirting hot streams of cum all over His cock. Exhausted in bliss, i snuggled into His neck.

He left for a moment to get me some water and returned with some more experienced BDSM friends and explained what happened, a bit concerned about me. i do remember this, but was so blissed out that i was beyond speech.

Suddenly i got cold, yes, in a hot tub! Maximus led me out, dried me off and took me downstairs for pizza before collapsing to sleep–with just one more fucking from Maximus after removing my silver bell clamps in bed before i slid off into slumber.

We don’t know why i had such an intense reaction. We think it was a combination of being so long since we’d scened, a long time since i’d been collared and cuffed, and the first time i’d been my true self with my tail in a large group situation. And i had been on such a high in my cuffs, collar, boots, etc, and had associated it with my appearance that removing it made me feel stripped naked.

It was definitely a night to remember.

Categories: aftercare, BDSM, breast torture, butt plug, collaring, fox tail, fox tail butt plug, foxtail, foxtail butt plug, leather cuffs, nipple clamps, objectification, subspace, Swingers resort | Leave a comment

What Do i Do Now?

Ok, so i came to the conclusion in my last blog post, Can Trust be Restored?, that i should stay and give Maximus another chance.

i’m still hurt, still angry, still horribly disappointed, confused, lost, disoriented.

Kirshenbaum has another six questions for me to answer. These are the questions i need to answer in order to restore my feeling of trust. There is no timetable for this process, it varies for everyone, but they work as a guide:

  1. How will I ever cope with this?
  2. Does the other person really care about me?
  3. Can the other person really see me and understand how his betrayal hurt me?
  4. Can our relationship survive?
  5. Can we make things safer and better between us?
  6. Can I forgive him?

1. How will i ever cope with this?

It is normal to feel and act crazy–most people encounter an overwhelming sense of insanity when betrayed because someone we trusted to take care of us hurt or abandoned us. Nothing makes sense anymore. However, you are not actually crazy, it is what you are feeling, and it’s part of the natural healing process.

Now is when everyone is expecting the crazy, so you might as well give it to them.

You are coping, this is coping, hang in there. What you feel now is not an indicator of whether or not the relationship is worth healing. Don’t do anything you’ll regret.

If you still have any kind of relationship left by the time you start being a little less crazy, you’re in good shape…If you’re not blown apart, it means there is some glue, some degree of caring, and that makes all the difference here. Believe it or not, the trust-restoring process has begun.

i felt like i lost my mind when Maximus admitted to intentionally, justifiably lying to me about Ms. W. The rage was horrible, exhausting, frightening. i even told Him that i thought i had lost my mind. i truly felt i had lost my mind. This is what confused me about what to do next–if this relationship had gone to such an extreme that i lost my mind, went insane, why on earth would i want to stay in it? Why would i put myself in that position to permanently damage myself?

i eventually calmed down. But i still get swirls of anxiety. Swirls of extreme hurt. Swirls of solutions, things that seem like solutions anyway, that will do nothing but cause more hurt, to both of us. i feel like Odysseus tied to the ship’s mast, agonized by the Sirens’ songs of craziness. When will i get past earshot of the Sirens? Perhaps i am coping by the sheer fact that i have somehow tied myself to the mast, unable to break free and lose my mind.

But i’m also just overwhelmingly sad–and it upsets me that i’m so sad.

2. Does the other person really care for me?

The anger in the aftermath of betrayal is what people expect but find the most difficult to deal with. While anger is a feeling, it’s also a tactic, a way to sort out if the other person really cares about us. If the person who betrayed you can hang in there while you’re furious, they’ve passed the “do-you-care” test–they really do care.

…when you realize that the other person cares about you, however ignorant, confused, and clumsy he may be, then you’ll have the motivation you need to rebuild trust.

This may take weeks to figure out. You’re angry, you want to know why. You will grill them for answers. But the danger is that while anger makes you feel safer, makes the other person scared of you so they’ll never hurt you again, it makes them distance themselves in order to provide for their own feeling of safety. Don’t get into a cycle of anger where you hurt the other person, they hurt back in defense, you retaliate and hurt them more, and on and on and on. This will kill the relationship. The less anger we allow ourselves, the faster healing will happen.

Consider saying this to your partner:

Look, I know this is hard on you too. And I wish I had some kind of timetable or road map that would tell me when my anger will start to die down. But I just don’t know when that will happen. I do know that I want it to happen. I want to find a way to trust you again. And I know you want to be trustworthy. But here’s the thing. When you hurt me, that gave me the message that you don’t care about me. That I wasn’t worth your caring about me. But if you can hang in there with me while I’m still so angry, that will tell me that you do care, and that means everything to me.

Be aware that if you can’t trust each other, don’t trust each other, you’ll be watching every moment for an attack or scary gesture, causing you to bristle and attack. This is a mistrust cycle, where mistrust breeds more mistrust, just as the anger cycle breeds more anger. Break the mistrust cycle by sharing with your partner what you need to feel safe, and allow good things to happen. This lets your partner know that rebuilding trust is possible, that your anger is not infinite, that he can recover from his mistake.

i do believe that Maximus cares for me. i just am having trouble understanding why He did this. i want to be able to trust Him again. i know i am stuck in the mistrust cycle, that i am watching for proof, making Him feel under the microscope. my mistrust risks pushing Him away, which will make me feel more abandoned and give me proof that He’s not trustworthy and doesn’t care. This is a big step for me.

And it’s only been 4 days. i’m certainly not here yet. Kirshenbaum notes that it can take a month to get out of the anger stage, but i don’t think i can handle being there that long. And i don’t think these steps are particularly linear, that you have to complete one stage before going into the next one–i think they overlap, at least they seem to be for me.

So this is where i’m going to stop for today. i have a lot of work to do in these first two steps. i can’t rush this. i, we deserve that i not rush this. Just because the cast on a broken arm is awkward and itchy doesn’t mean it’s ready to come off–you only want it off because it’s unnatural, restricting, bulky and keeps you from doing things you regularly enjoy. You have to go through the healing process in order for things to heal correctly.

Maximus, i’m upset. i love you but i’m hurt. i want to trust You again and i know you want to be trusted again, without suspicion. i don’t know how long this will take. i felt like you didn’t care enough to really listen to my fears, didn’t care enough to protect me from repeating things that have harmed me in my past. i felt like i was given a false gift, a fake, a precious package that turned out to be a Jack-in-the-Box with a mocking jester that blew-up in my face and mocked me. But if you can hang with me, stay with me even while i’m hurt, when i need you the most, give me aftercare i need from this scene, it will show me that you do care, will start to put drops back into my love tank. That will mean everything to me and help me come back, help me trust you with my whole heart again.

Love,

gabriella.

Categories: aftercare, anger, balance, communication, conflict, counseling, trust | Leave a comment

Aftercare…not just for BDSM

spooning2

It’s been a hard couple of days.

i returned home after posting the last blog and promptly raged again. i feel full of poison. i understand how Maximus felt with my big rages two months ago where He felt poisoned and needed time for the toxin to clear His body. i don’t know what the half life of this toxin is, just as He didn’t know what the half life of that toxin was. i wish it wasn’t in my bloodstream, but it is.

We met with Fern yesterday afternoon. i’d texted her after the rage Sunday and made an appointment for us. i’m so very glad i did; so very glad Maximus agreed to go despite His busy schedule (He did begin to protest when i told Him to pick a time that worked best for Him, but He stopped Himself). She guided us through the Imago process. It was horribly hard. i felt so sick, so hurt. But it helped.

monkeyThe thing i really needed to start my healing process was for Maximus to hold me, i mean REALLY hold me. i’d asked Him for it several times, crawled into Him several times, but i just didn’t feel genuinely held. To me, it felt like i was being held by one of those wind-up toy monkeys, the ones with the cymbals where their arms mechanically crash the cymbals together–no feeling, just process. i talked about my need to be held during the session with Fern and i could see that Maximus still wasn’t understanding. i described the monkey and then said, “What i really need is Aftercare. Healing, restorative holding” And i saw His face instantly change, His body completely change. He got it…this He could understand.

“This would have prevented the rage this morning,” He replied. “I didn’t get that, but I get it now. It totally makes sense to me.”

We discussed the cyclical problem that my not being held in aftercare from this emotional beating had been. i was devastated, raged, needed healing, but He was afraid of this raging woman and pulled back, which made me need aftercare even more intensely and not receiving it, made me rage again. And so on.

He promised to take time for aftercare when we got home. And He did. And it helped.

We have healing to do. This was a big hit for me, one i didn’t see coming and it blindsided me. We will both be seeing Fern separately and together to work on this. i dropped Him off at the airport this morning so He could head to California for a backpacking trip through Yosemite with His brother. It’s going to be a good break for us both, an important break with time for us to think about our relationship and how to proceed. “I’m so sorry I’ve put you through this,” He said as we said our goodbyes at the airport. “We’ll get through it,” i replied. “Yes, we will. I love you,” said Maximus as we embraced.

Categories: aftercare, anger, communication, conflict, counseling, relationship needs | 1 Comment

Getting Pissy and Let me Stay

golden shower

The first part of this post is about golden showers. While this is an adult-only site, i realize not everybody is into water sports, so if you’re not, just skip down to the section, Let me Stay.

Maximus adores piss play. One of the things He loves about us is that He gets to fulfill every one of His fantasies with me, including those that He’d never been able to pursue, let alone tell anyone about. His water sport experiences have been limited to peeing on women while showering with them, completely unbeknownst to His bathing guest. Until me. Maximus has pissed on my body, sides of my face, my pussy, in my ass with a funnel, and had me piss all over Him and into His mouth. He loves it. He’s not urinated in my mouth, but has been working me up to that.

A few days after my last rage, three weeks ago, Maximus texted, somewhat in jest, “I guess now I can piss directly in your face and mouth now. Kinda like a get out of jail free card. Hehe.” i replied, “Ok, i’ll do anything. i’ll do whatever it takes to earn Your trust back.” So i knew my trip up this weekend would include this scene. He shared with me the details of when and where so i’d be prepared.

Maximus picked me up at the airport and we went directly to Swimmer Guy’s home on Lake Sammamish. He led me to the beach house and instructed me to undress and kneel for Him in the shower, but with my head tipped back and mouth open. i was quaking inside, but i trust Maximus and had given Him my word, yes, redundant as He has my bond. Maximus stripped and entered the shower with a raging erection. He face fucked me and then stood over me and had me wait as He worked to ease the hard-on to urinate. And then it started, first splashing on my chest and then into my face and mouth, warm, streaming, Maximus groaning in ecstasy! And it wasn’t bad at all, in fact, it was quite enjoyable!

i’d purposely not used the restroom after landing at the airport and my full bladder was about to explode. It was especially hard to hold it while He was peeing on me. i begged Maximus to allow me to pee on Him. He pulled me up and had me squat over Him and i emptied myself all over His face and body, watching Him spit my piss like a fountain, emptying His mouth over and over. He then shoved me forward and slammed His cock into my pussy, pulling my piss soaked hair. He alternated fucking my pussy and my mouth and finally came all over my face and breasts.

He then had my don my wetsuit over His piss and cum and we did our swim workout in the Lake. It was a phenomenal swim! And, yes, after the swim, we thoroughly cleaned the shower and our wetsuits. Yes, everyone pees in their wetsuit, but this is the first time i’ve had someone else pee in mine for me!

Maximus was in heaven!

Let me Stay

It had been nearly a month since Maximus and i had been together, the longest time apart since August, where we vowed to never be apart that long ever again. Obviously, we needed this time apart, but we were really wanting and needing each other emotionally, physically, and sexually. We had each other when we returned home from swimming and then again that night when we went to bed.

The Englishman is living at Maximus’ right now for a while, so i figured we would not get too crazy with our scenes, although he is fairly used to hearing Maximus and us through the bedroom door. Once in the privacy of our room, i brought my collar to Maximus, knelt in front of Him on the bed, and held my hair up so he could collar me. i was nearly in tears over this, especially hearing Him say, “Oh yes,” when i presented it to Him. Maximus took me, just His body, no toys, no rope, no bondage. He grabbed my collar and pulled me toward Him, pushed me where He wanted me, grabbed handfuls of my hair and breasts. And He started finger fucking my mouth, one finger, then two, then three, then four…pulling me up to straddle Him while He did this, holding me with the collar, demanding that i not swallow, but let my oral juices pour all over Him.

i honestly don’t remember a lot of what happened. i was just in such bliss to let Him use and enjoy my body in whatever manner He wanted and needed. i needed to submit to Him. At some point, His hands entered my vagina and into my G spot and i zoomed into subspace. i was flying, ecstatic, entranced by His carnal consumption of me, and i didn’t want to leave. i was outside of my body, not watching though, i was soaring through the heavens. i started to hear Maximus calling me back, asking me to come back to His safety. i didn’t want to leave, i wanted to stay, i wanted to soar for Him, wanted the waves of subspace to wash over me again and again, but i could hear Maximus begging me to come back to Him and He sounded concerned–i knew it was selfish of me to continue and He was worried. i was sobbing when i returned. Maximus cradled me, stroked my hair and face, wiped my tears and held me. He told me how beautiful and amazing i was and that i was safe. He wrapped His body around mine and we slept entwined, finally crashed into each other after such a long emotional break.

In the morning, Maximus described what He saw and heard. He had never seen anyone orgasm continuously for so long and that it appeared that i was convulsing. Tears streamed down my face and i howled, sounds He’d never heard from me before. He was both amazed and concerned for me and concerned too about The Englishman hearing this through the door! The difficulty in getting me out of subspace was concerning for Him–He said it was like a balloon or something slippery that He’d grab and would have slip out of His grasp to chase after again. And it was the same for me–it was like being a little girl running, giggling around a garden with someone calling out after me to stop, also giggling, like a game. Like being called in for dinner when all you want to do is keep playing.

The Englishman was amazed in the morning. He hadn’t been sure whether the sounds were good or bad–just something he’d never heard before.

It was an amazing experience for me and Maximus. i believe the intensity was not from sex or pain, but from the sheer emotional release of being back with Maximus, being in His arms, being treasured, and it sent me soaring.

Thank you Maximus for sending me there, for treasuring me, for our bliss. i love and adore You. GOT

Categories: aftercare, golden shower, subspace | 2 Comments

Lost in Subspace

This should be an easy blog to write, having spent five amazing days with Him in and out of D/s play…but when i start to think about it, i realize much of it runs together and i can’t distinctly remember some of it as i was lost in subspace some of the time! i’m not complaining, it was unfrickingbelievable! Just makes blogging about it difficult! i need a video camera i think! Hmmmmm…..there’s a thought!

i think i’ll do this Rachel Kramer Bussel-style

Day One
i’m surprising Him…i came up to His place this morning, He’s in Phoenix for work until tomorrow night. A few months ago He mentioned how much He loved how i faux painted my cast concrete fireplace surrounds to look like stone and that someday He’d love for me to do His. i’ve been planning this for several weeks, knowing that i had extra time off before our planned time together this long weekend. i spent today priming and painting two coats of base color and will spend tomorrow finishing it up in time for His arrival home in the evening.

He keeps calling all day. i love this! i put Him on speaker phone while we talk and He asks if i’m in the bathtub…He’s trying to figure out what i’m doing while we are talking and i can tell He’s wondering why i’m there so early. i make things up. i hope He likes this and i hope there aren’t repercussions that i have been, essentially, lying to Him for two days to do this.

i had to pack my huge suitcase for this trip to accommodate all the toys and clothes for everything we have planned. It’s full, huge, heavy, difficult to get up the stairs! For the first time, i’ve unpacked my bags and moved into the empty drawers in the dresser and under my sink in His bathroom. This feels good. i put all the toys in the bottom dresser drawer, line up my sexy boots and shoes in His closet, and stow away my empty suitcase into the guest room closet. i’m home. This gives me butterflies.

i’m exhausted. We talked on the phone, i had some wine, and i can’t stay up any longer. i get down the “Fun Stuff” bag from the closet shelf, pull out the Hitachi-style corded vibrator, and give myself a fantastic orgasm before drifting off to sleep. i wrap myself in His sheets, hug His pillows, dream of Him here with me.

Day Two
i spend the morning masking off the fireplace to prepare for faux painting. i want to start early so i have it completely finished, including two coats of shiny polyurethane, when He walks in tonight. He’s on the road today, calls me all day again. i love hearing His voice.

i did not wear panties

He texts from the plane, “Ok. Hot chick eating your pussy while I fuck her. Your eyes and mine on each other.” i reply, “tomorrow.” We are going to a swinger party tomorrow that friends of His are hosting at their home. i am trembling inside, i can hardly stand the four hour wait until i see Him again. i take a bath, put on my long, off-the-shoulder black lace dress that He’s only seen on Skype. i know it’s early, but i just need to be sexy. i insert my tail, it shows through the shear lace, so sexy. The fireplace looks awesome.

i hear His car. He walks in, “I’m home!” and goes first into His office to drop off His computer bag. He walks into the great room, stops in His tracks and exclaims, “Oh my God!” and stands there with His mouth dropped open. “I love it!” i am so pleased. i get up from the couch, “Wow, look at you! Oh, your tail!” He says. We embrace and kiss; i am so glad He’s here. i’ve surprised Him, genuinely, finally! We talk while He unpacks, have some soup i’ve made, and then we go to bed together, at last.

“I thought I’d be too tired for sex tonight, but I want you,” he says as He rolls me over, gets on top and enters me. i’ve been swishing my tail against His legs and over his cock and balls. He feels so good. He brings me to orgasm over and over. i come so hard that i push the glass butt plug completely out. He comes inside me, replaces the tail in my ass, and we curl up to sleep. He wakes me two more times during the night to make love; He doesn’t come, however, as we have a party tomorrow night and He’s trying to conserve Himself.

Day Three
We wake in the morning and cannot keep ourselves from each other. While He’s in me i tell Him, “gabriella is looking forward to playing with Maximus this weekend.” So far, it has not been g and M, understandably. “Mmmmm,” he replies, “Me too.” He rolls me over, slaps my ass and tells me not to come. i let Him know our toys are in the bottom drawer of the dresser. He gets up, returns with the nipple clamps, “I can’t wait to try these.” He puts one on my left nipple, it sears me, i arch my back and gasp. He leaves the other end free, the chain trailing down my chest. “Roll back over,” He commands. “Do you want to come?” “Yes, please, sir, i want to come.” He tells me to count aloud to ten while He fucks me furiously from behind. When i get to nine He tells me to count five more. Oh, He’s so clever! i think. i get to 15, He tells me i’ve been good and can come. EXPLOSION!! He giggles, flips me over, tells me how good i am, tells me to spread my legs, grab my ankles, and pull my legs back toward my ears, legs open. i do this and He inserts His fingers inside my pussy into my sweet spot. He tells me not to come and pounds His fingers inside me. “Oh sir, please don’t make me fail! Please don’t make me fail!” He knows exactly how to make me come. i’m not sure i can hold off. He takes me to the edge, rolls me over and spanks me. He flips me back over and tells me to count to five. i do and explode into another orgasm.

When we are done, He takes me into His arms for my aftercare, telling me how pleased He is. My body is electric, but i can’t explain this wonderful electric feeling i’m feeling. There’s a buzzing in my womb, an energy. i feel like i have an orgasm trapped. i’m laying on my back next to Him, He’s on His side. i explain this, gesturing over my abdomen with a swirling movement with my hand. “i feel like i could have an orgasm right now,” i breathed, “even without you touching me.” “gabriella, come for me, I want you to come,” He said. He tells me to come, how much it would please Him, how much He loves me, and my body seizes into an orgasm! He grabs my hair when i come and it sends me into orgasm again, my body curling as i explode. It is incredible, something i’d only experienced one other time, years and years ago, as i woke myself up in the middle of a wet dream by coming. “Wow!!” He exclaims. “i told you there was something going on in there!” i was so glad He allowed me to come as i don’t think i could have handled the intense energy inside of me much longer. i was grateful for His generosity.

We take a shower and head out for errands, swimming, and a meetup date with a new couple. He’s met this couple years ago, with His ex-wife, JB, but they are into BDSM and JB was not, so the meeting did not go well last time. He really liked them, has seen them at the Club. i’d found them online and He was very excited that they interested me. We are meeting for drinks only as we have a party to go to tonight, and this couple prefers non-play first meetings. Maximus wants me to wear my tail, but none of my dresses are long enough to cover it in public. Instead, i put on my red garter belt and matching bra, no panties, black fishnet stockings under a low-cut red dress that looks like fire and knee high black stiletto boots. Maximus is pleased.

We arrive at the restaurant…well, where the restaurant USED to be just two weeks ago. It’s been torn down and is now a concrete hole surrounded by orange construction barrier fencing! i realize i don’t have their cell numbers, that we’ve only corresponded by email, oh no! We laugh that we’ve had couples not show up before, but have never had the building not be there before! i send a quick email with the situation and my cell number so we can meet elsewhere. After i send my email i see i have one from them with a new location. We see them heading up the escalator to the new place, Maximus drops me off and i call out to them, walking to our new restaurant while He parks the car. E is tall, 6’5″, e is petite, blonde, shy. We hit it off wonderfully, enjoyed drinks and visiting. She is sub to him. We exchange stories and our lifestyles. We decide that we would love to get together again to play. They mention that they do play separately and would be interested in doing that, and we relate stories of playing separately and how we share those experiences. When it’s time to part, we exchange hugs. E and i kiss passionately and he whispers into my ear, “Such a beautiful woman, I’ve enjoyed meeting you.” Ooooh! i can’t wait to tell Maximus.

We run back home to change for our party. We end up on the bed talking about our meeting with E & e and then a very deep conversation about our relationship. Maximus has been having trysts with vanilla women which become very drama-filled quickly. He always tells me about these and asks my opinions which include my recommendation that He stay clear of vanilla women for this very reason. It bothers me immensely to tell Him to stay away from anyone and i worry that this recommendation makes me look possessive and jealous–which i’m not. i tell Him this because i know He prefers drama-free relationships and He appears to not see how trysts with vanilla women will always bring drama. We are going to be late, but this has been an important discussion. i quickly change into my black strapless dress with the short hankerchief hem and red ribbon lacing down the front and matching kneehigh black patent stiletto boots with matching red ribbon lacing up each side–Maximus chooses my outfit.

It takes an hour to get to the party and we talk the whole way, continuing our earlier discussion and more. It is a small group, which is great. The hosts, A&A, are wonderful. Winegirl is beautiful, tall, blonde, voluptuous, wearing black leatherette thong covered with a matching loincloth with rhinestone accents at her hips and a matching bra top. Flyboy is warm and inviting, very tactile. There is a triad with two women, C and M, who are wearing matching black-trimmed pink babydoll lingerie and rhinestone black kitty collars–they are fantastic! They have matching tattoos and BDSM triskele emblem necklaces…ooooh!

i’m missing a collar and am a little envious at this.

Triadguy is solid, bald, gottee’d, a Harley-looking man. There is another couple made up of a quiet white guy wearing shirt and tie with an Asian girl who looks exactly like a vanilla friend of mine, so much so that i almost call her by the wrong name all night. They look new and shy.

We had a wonderful dinner. Maximus sat at one end of the table with Winegirl and triad girls and i at the other between shy guy and Flyboy. Flyboy was very smitten with me and i very much enjoyed flirting and touching and kissing him throughout dinner. He kept whispering how beautiful i was and how much he wanted me. At the end of dinner, Winegirl came over, pulled down the top of my dress and started sucking my nipple. Ooh! i stood up and started kissing her, pulling out her breasts as well. We enjoyed putting on a show for the table. We moved over the the couch, my dress off, boots on, and she laid me back to lick my pussy, enthralled with my piercing. Maximus came over to join. He ended up fucking her from behind while she ate me, our eyes locked, just like His wish He’d texted on the plane. i licked her pussy as well, then Flyboy wanted me to join Him in the hottub in the garage. Maximus came with. i floated on my back with my head resting on His chest while Flyboy licked my pussy–so very, very skilled he was! Others joined us. i got warm and exited, knelt in front of Triadguy outside the tub and gave him a long blowjob, deepthroating him. We eventually all moved upstairs.

The night was wonderful! After Triadguy, i joined Maximus with Winegirl, slipping my fingers into her pussy while He fucked her from behind. i put a finger in His ass and He immediately came in a huge shouting orgasm! After He left the room, Winegirl and i snuggled and played, and she said, “I don’t know what you did, but it made him come immediately and huge!” After we played, i found Flyboy because we’d not yet had a chance to and i was concerned that he might be thinking i was avoiding him. He pulled me into the bedroom, laid me on my back very gently and began caressing me. He entered me, asking me frequently if i was ok, which i assured him i was–he seems very concerned about my well being, which was nice, but after awhile i had to ask him to stop asking, that i would tell him if something was wrong. He flipped me over and told me to watch us in the mirrored closet door. He was wonderful, i came over and over. He took me to the shower and bathed me, so sensually, rubbing me all over with a showerscrub, telling me how beautiful i was. He also washed me hair. i returned the favor and then we got out after we ran out of hot water. We joined everyone in the living room afterward. We ate, visited in the afterglow. Maximus was exhausted and we had a long trip home, so we said our goodbyes and headed back.

i was exhausted. We crawled into bed and i draped myself over Him, and we were both dosing off to sleep. i felt bad that i was dosing off, thinking we should make love in reaffirmation of our devotion to each other, like we prefer to do after being with others. Maximus must have felt the same and i was gently awakened by Him rolling me over in my sleep and taking me. 

Day Four
This is our day, a luxurious day alone together. We woke in each others arms and talked about the night. We had plans to go swim. Our discussion fired our ardor and we made love again. He went downstairs and came back with coffee and His “indulgence” of the Sunday paper in bed. It was a beautiful morning together. He went downstairs again to check work email and i sent Him a message on Skype, “hello gorgeous…imagining you sitting in front of your computer in your robe, cup of coffee, and sexy woman upstairs in your bed…” i padded downstairs to Him to see if He wanted to take a shower before we went off to swim. 

Maximus determined this pic was photoshopped!

We headed upstairs and started the water, but then He turned off the water and directed me back to bed. i had found the riding crop earlier in His closet next to where the toy bag is kept and had laid it atop the bag on the floor next to the bed. He let out an “Aha!” when He noticed it and directed me onto my stomach. He pulled out the Hitachi-style vibrator, set it on high, and placed it under me, faced downward with the vibrating ball on my clit. Ooooh! The crop trailed softly over my skin, up and down my back, over my ass and down my thighs and then, whack!, smacked my ass. It stung, was amazing! He told me He wanted to make a red mark on my ass in the shape of the end of the crop, as while He was getting ready to fly home i had sent Him a picture of this that i’d found on Facebook. He alternated crop and rubbing out the sting with His hand, trailing the crop over my back. i was instructed not to come; it took everything i had not to. He rammed His cock inside me and ordered me to come twice, which i did explosively, feeling my pussy squeeze tightly around Him each time. 

Note my red ass and swollen labia!

My mind flipped and all i could think of was feeling the crop slap against my asshole! i begged Him to do this. i don’t know what came over me, i’d never desired this or even thought of it before, but i needed it so badly! The crop came down on my rosebud ass and Awwwww! it was amazing! “Again, harder,” i begged, and Maximus brought the crop down on me again. It was amazing! He alternated cropping my rosebud, fingering me, telling me not to come, ramming His cock into me and giving me the order to release into an orgasm, all while i was riding the vibrator. i then begged for the crop on my pussy. “Crop my pussy lips, please, sir.” Whack! Oh the sting! Whack! it came again. i could feel my labia swell after each strike. i wanted His cock in me so badly! “Please, sir, please put your cock inside me!” Oh Goddess, it’s so unbelievably amazing! He pulled out after allowing me to come on Him again, returning to cropping my pussy and asshole. i lost track of time and space, swirled around subspace. “Oh, your pussy is SO RED!” Maximus exclaimed. “I need to come on that. Roll over!” i rolled over and He fucked me hard, pulled out and came all over my pussy. i was breathless! “Rub it in,” He ordered, and i did, soothing my engorged lips. He helped me up and led me to the shower. My legs were jelly, heart pounding, clit throbbing like i’d never felt before. i embraced Him but lost strength in my legs, sliding down His body and onto the shower floor, my arms wrapped around His legs, water pouring over my head and back. “Oh baby,” He cooed. i held onto Him, my face pressed against His leg, and He washed my body and my hair as i sat helpless in the shower. 

After regaining my senses, we dressed and i made breakfast. We went wine tasting and worked on our 2013 goals. This was wonderful. We talked about all aspects of our lives together and separate, intermingling our personal and relationship goals. We came across some things that we missed in our contract and i made notes to amend that–and we realized that we had not yet actually signed our contract, had only the electronic signatures and needed to fix that too. We went grappa tasting as well, so Maximus could show me the beautiful woman at the grappa bar! Maximus wanted to take me to a vegan restaurant for dinner, but i was so tired that i just wanted to have leftovers and cuddle with Him on the couch with a movie. He agreed. i made dinner, we watched a movie, and then we went to bed, at 7 PM! 

But we didn’t go to sleep right away…

gabriella had been dying, waiting to use the final toy from the care package that Maximus had sent her two weeks ago–the strap-on. Maximus had told gabriella not to buy any toys but when the care package arrived, there were no dildos to use with the strap-on, so she inquired about this. “gabriella should get what she wants to go in the strap-on.” i promptly went to SheBop in Portland. They were wonderful there and i ended up with two different dildos to go in the harness, a medium sized Silk, one without a penis head, for starter dildo to work on pegging Maximus, and a Nexus Junior, double dildo. i chose the junior because one side is smaller than the other, so i could have a large dildo inside me and a smaller dildo inside Him as we were just starting with pegging for Him.

“Sir, may i please try something with You?” i asked. He said yes. “May i blindfold You?” He smirked and agreed. i found a blindfold and had Him sit back on the bed. He giggled and taunted me as i dug through the bottom drawer for the harness and Silk dildo. i sucked His cock and then told Him to get on His hands and knees. “Oh no!” He teased in a falsetto voice. i lubed up my fingers with the Maximus lube i found (how perfectly awesome is that?!?) and started fingering His ass. i then lubed up the Silk and eased it into His ass, hearing Him gasp. i started easing it in just an inch or so and then out, then back in and then out, reaching down and fondling His cock and balls. i made sure He was ok and He was. Slowly, i began easing it further in each time and then He suddenly pushed back and jammed it all the way into His ass! “Wow! That’s all the way in!” i fucked His ass with it and then pulled it out so i could insert it into the harness. i pulled Him back to the edge of the bed and inserted the dildo into His ass and carefully pushed into Him. It took me a bit to get used to fucking someone, getting my position right. “Oh yah, baby, give it to me!” turned into “Give it to me, is that all you’ve got?!?” He was taunting me, reminding me i was His sub, Domming me while i fucked Him. i pulled out, my straps were too loose, pushed Him forward and climbed up onto the bed, standing behind Him and penetrated Him roughly. He gasped and began taunting me again. i decided He was ready for the double dildo.

i worked to position the larger dildo inside me, letting Him hear me gasp. i tightened the straps, lubed the shaft and head of the new dildo and entered Him. “Oh, wait…Uh!” He cried out. i giggled, “Oh, i thought You wanted me to give it to You!” i eased it in and out in little increments, slowly going all the way in. “Is that all you’ve got?!?” He exclaimed, and i began to ram it into Him, but the dildo inside me slipped out, then it slipped out of Him. “Yes, yes, yes!” He exclaimed and i teased him about getting off when it wasn’t even inside Him! i fixed the harness and rammed into Him and He cried out again. He wanted to hear me come while i was fucking Him. My legs were tired, not being used to fucking someone and He was getting sore, so i removed the strap-on and His blindfold. We laughed at His taunting and i told Him that i really just wanted to ram the large double-ended dildo i use with other women into Him and shut Him up, but that i realized that i was His sub and He was domming me even while i was fucking Him. i cleaned our toys and we crashed into each other to sleep.

Day Five
We awoke at 7 AM after eleven hours of sleep, completely unlike us. We had coffee. Maximus had work calls today, a lot of them. i made oatmeal for us. Between phone calls, we played, Maximus found the bag of clothespins and tried them on my nipples, very intense, and then on my labia majora. i thought the labial pins would be too intense, but i could barely feel them. i think they would be more intense on the sensitive labia minora, but we didn’t get there! Maximus again controlled my orgasms and we showered afterward. Our shower was very intimate in a very different way. Maximus discussed work issues with me and we bounced ideas about how to handle them. i found this confidence very personal, having Him expose this part of His life with me. 

Maximus returned to work and i transferred our 2013 goals to a spreadsheet and updated our contract. i printed out our amended contract and we signed them. i should have waited, though, instead of having us sign the copies during His work–it felt unceremonious, and the signing really did deserve more undivided attention. i returned to the office, knelt in front of Him with the contracts, kissed Him deeply, and told Him i loved Him. 

We swam, ran to Home Depot for some clamps (not for me, for the couch! haha!), and came home for lunch. The Englishman was coming today to stay and we were awaiting his arrival. Maximus returned to working and i clamped His sectional couch together, His request for me for the day. The Englishman arrived. Maximus had more work and an evening meeting to attend and then the three of us were going to go see Skyfall, the new James Bond movie. Both Maximus and i were hoping that i would fuck The Englishman again, preferably while He was at the meeting so He could return to find us in the middle of having sex. 

The Englishman and i ended up going for a lovely walk in the rain while Maximus worked. We went on a trail i’d run on Day 2. We walked about four miles and talked and talked about relationships, life. He had some questions about Maximus and me and some questions about 50 Shades of Grey which Maximus had loaned him. i didn’t divulge anything about our BDSM but we talked about that aspect of the book a bit, but mostly about the poor writing! i shared with The Englishman how i wasn’t going to marry again and how Maximus had surprised me by sweeping me into a relationship, when i hadn’t planned on being in one again. When i told him this, i said “and then stupid  Maximus went and surprised me.” and i felt horrible how that came out! i was trying to add levity to the conversation but in no way do i think Maximus is stupid, nor did i want The Englishman to think that i was putting Him down. i told The Englishman that i didn’t think Maximus was stupid, that it was meant to show my utter shock and surprise at His ability to change my life, and that i loved Him immensely. We were arm-in-arm during our woodsy walk in the pouring rain. It got dark and we arrived home to Maximus soaked to the bone. i stripped off my clothes in the laundry room and Maximus came in and laughed at how wet we’d gotten. i followed Maximus into the office; He inquired if i was going to have sex with The Englishman, and i replied that it did not appear that he was going to be comfortable with that (it was my impression that The Englishman, not being a swinger, is very concerned about intervening in my relationship with Maximus and damaging his relationship with Him). i told Him that i was trying to convince The Englishman to take a shower with me. Maximus then wrote a note on my ass for The Englishman to see in the shower. i was giggling as i left the office and The Englishman asked what was so funny and i told him Maximus had written on my ass. He asked what it said and i replied, “you’ll have to come take a shower with me to read it.” But he declined, as i thought he might. Maximus teased him about that and then quietly pulled me aside and told me, “That’s it, if he’s not going to fuck you, we’re putting on a show for him tonight.” i knew that meant Maximus would be wanting gabriella tonight.

Maximus ordered and picked up dinner for us and then went to His meeting. The Englishman and i watched Dexter. When He returned, we headed off to the movie, settling first in the theater bar where i sat between Maximus and The Englishman and flirted unabashedly with them and the bartender. Maximus laughed that the bartenders probably didn’t know what to think about Him as He’d brought several dates here–that made me giggle! gabriella was giddy with excitement for tonight.

Returning home from the movie, Maximus told The Englishman, “don’t be alarmed by the animal sounds coming from the bedroom tonight,” and The Englishman said, “I’m never alarmed by the animal sounds I hear from your bedroom.” Maximus replied, “you’ve not heard these sounds,” and i said, “please don’t call 9-1-1.” The Englishman chuckled with big eyes and i kissed him goodnight.

Maximus and i went into the bedroom. He shut the door and walked into the bathroom. i quickly peeled off my clothes, opened the bottom drawer and set out the red satin-lined leather wrist cuffs, nipple clamps, and the large and small floggers on the bed. He was talking as He was walking between the bathroom and the closet getting undressed. i quickly knelt down on the floor in the corner of the bedroom as He walked in. “Oh, look how you laid everything out for me. Good girl, gabriella.” i replied, “i hope it’s okay, sir, you’ve not trained me yet how you want me to do that.” “I will, gabriella, I will. You’ve done well.”

He stood me up and sat me down on the bed. He picked up the first cuff and put it on my wrist, but it was loose. When he reached down to pick up the second cuff, i boldly pulled the first cuff right off my wrist and handed it to Him; i did this without thinking and immediately thought, “Oh no, i am going to be punished for that.” He did not punish me, however, to my surprise. He undid the cuff and replaced it. i could see that He was not wrapping the cuff underneath itself, preventing it from getting tight, so i helped Him with that and He got it on properly that time. He did the same for the second cuff and then latched them together behind my back. He laid me back on the bed onto my clasped arms, opened my legs, and began to flog my thighs and pussy. He flogged my breasts and then placed clothespins on each nipple, sending searing sensations through my body. He rammed His cock into me, making me gasp and exclaiming, “Oh, your mouth opens every time I ram my cock into you!” He pulled Himself out, hesitated for a moment before ramming back into me, noting my mouth opening, then repeating that over and over with a warning for me not to come. He then flipped me over and began flogging my ass, moving to the crop, striking my rosebud ass and pussy. Being on my front twisted the clothespins, but they stayed in place, but also allowed me to bury my face in the bedding to muffle my cries from The Englishman who was just across the hall.

Maximus flipped me over onto my back and rammed into me over and over, increasing in speed. He told me to tell Him when i was going to come. i could feel it coming and told Him i was getting closer and closer. Then suddenly, i was hitting the edge and exclaimed i was starting to come. Unexpectedly, He reached up with both hands and suddenly simultaneously removed both clothespins from my nipples, threw them onto the bed, and grabbed both breasts and squeezed them! All the air sucked out of my lungs and searing pain from the release of the clothespins pulled me immediately into deep subspace as i simultaneously came. It was like one of those underwater nuclear explosions where the inital blast goes off and you see the shockwave fly through the water in a concentric circle from the center, immediately followed by another wave flying back into the center of the blast as water rapidly returns to fill the vacuum from the initial blast, shooting upward out of the surface as the water collides into itself. Video below (watch without the narration):

i don’t know how long i was gone. Silent tears streamed out of my eyes, i wasn’t crying, i was completely overwhelmed. Maximus was telling me how wonderful i was, how amazing i had been, how beautiful i was. i couldn’t speak or move. He kissed me and helped me up to standing and told me to go in and brush my teeth and come back to bed. i could hardly brush my teeth. i came back and curled into Maximus, who held me and stroked me, carressing me with His hands in His affirmations of love and adoration, telling me i was safe. The aftercare was amazing and i felt completely safe, even though i never, ever felt that i wasn’t. i fell asleep with my tears on His chest, my heart swollen with love.

Day Six
i awoke at 4:30, hearing The Englishman coughing. i want Maximus, i want to wake Him from sleep. i’m spooning Him so i reached around and hold His balls and stroke His cock which immediately stirs and grows. i move down and take Him in my mouth but He wants to be inside me. He enters me and we move together. We are still exhausted from last night and fall asleep still together.

This is our last morning together for this trip. We awake for His morning meeting and coffee. We shower together after His call and talk about our weekend and upcoming adventures. He goes down to His office to work but then returns. He orders me to take off my clothes. i only just get off my blouse, pants, and panties when He throws me down on the bed, fucking me hard. i can feel Him getting ready to come and i am surprised as we’ve never, ever had a quickie! “I’m going to come in you!” He exclaims, and then comes loudly, filling my pussy with semen. We giggle about having our first quickie. He tells me He wants my panties to be all sticky with His come on my drive home. i get the pink Kegel balls from the bottom drawer, have Him lubricate one in His mouth and shove them into my pussy. i feel them rattle inside me and His come leaking all around them after i’m dressed. This pleases Him.

It’s time for me to pack; i have to go into The Englishman’s room to get my suitcase, he’s still in bed. i kiss The Englishman and say my goodbyes to Him. It doesn’t take long to pack; i’ve decided to leave toiletries in my drawer so i don’t have to pack these every time i come up. It’s quiet in the house and i’m glad to have the time alone to pack, am enjoying the Kegel balls inside me.

Maximus and i sit on the couch and go over our schedules together, making sure we know what each other is doing and that we know exactly when we are getting together again. We’ve been invited to a birthday party of our friends through whom we met each other; we never miss their events and had already planned on being together at my home that weekend. i am coming up again in ten days and need plans as we don’t think a previously arranged playdate has solidified, so Maximus outlines requests for potential playmates and expectations for me to contact them to make arrangements. We talk about our Thanksgiving plans, which include His trip to Ms. W for a few days and Mountain Man and Sunflower coming to stay with me for several days. We are very good, both of us, with these arrangements, and reassure each other of our mutual commitment. We also go over the agreements we have made in our contract regarding playing separately, asking questions and getting clarification. i love that we talk about these things.

He walks me out to my car and kisses me deeply. He’s not for lingering goodbyes as i am, which is good, as i’d never be able to leave otherwise.

“G-O-T, baby,” says Maximus.

“i love you,” i reply

“Back at you.”

Categories: aftercare, BDSM, clothespins, D/s, Dom/sub, Dominant, fox tail, foxtail butt plug, Kegel balls, leather cuffs, nipple clamps, pegging, Rachel Kramer Bussel, riding crop, strap-on, submissive, subspace, swinging | Leave a comment

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DIMINISHING THE STIGMA OF NON-MONOGAMY: WEBSITE FOR SWINGERS

The Beautiful Kind

A submissive's journal

Thrill of the Chaste

Personal experiences in the world of Male Chastity

On The Wet Coast

A submissive's journal

A Sexual Being

Where the lines of fantasy and reality blur…

TMI Tuesday blog

A confessional where people come to reveal too much information--sexy secrets, dirty deeds, and more.