adrenal fatigue

Where Have i Been?


i know it’s been a long time. What happened? Well i got tired. Turns out, my thyroid gland pooped out, caused by my adrenal glands pooping out a couple years ago, unbeknownst to me. It appears that stress from work and Ironman training plus a severe bout of influenza back in 2011 led to my adrenal dysfunction and caused my uterine fibroids, polycystic ovaries, and endometriosis in 2012, for which i had my hysterectomy (see It’s Hysterical for more). However, the underlying cause wasn’t recognized, so the hormonal imbalance caused by the hysterectomy taxed my thyroid gland to the point where i couldn’t function in my daily life. Thanks to an astute naturopathic physician, i am on the road to recovery!

The puzzle pieces came together this fall and i’ve been going through treatment to recover, which has been my primary focus in life. Maximus has been wonderfully supportive during this time and He pretty much curtailed our D/s so i could heal. That has been difficult for me, as i felt He was pulling away, but we’ve talked about it and i understand.

As i am feeling so much better, nearly back to my old self, i asked Maximus if we could return to our D/s and He felt it was a good time to do that. So this past weekend we went through our contract, made a couple of updates, and are restarting my training.

Contract Updates

Appendix 1, Sleep. Maximus wanted to make an adjustment to sleeping arrangements if i was involved with swinging play without Him. He feels that sleeping with someone is very intimate, more than fucking someone, so did not want my sleeping with anyone else. However, He has come to realize that may be primarily with me sleeping with men. i am seeing a bi-female right now and we are talking about her staying the night later this week and Maximus felt it would be acceptable to Him if she slept with me in our bed rather than the guest bed. Thus, it was amended that:

Should the submissive be in a situation of separate play, she shall sleep alone, not with any other parties, unless negotiated prior to engagement.

Appendix 1, Sex. We thought this had been struck from the contract in our last amendment, in fact, i’d documented the change in Contract and Rules Updated post in November, but it was still in the document that i was to post in my blog about any orgasms outside of Maximus’ presence. We removed this clause as it was preventing me from masterbating.

Appendix 1, Work/Life Balance. Maximus requested that i help Him attain a better work/life balance.

The Dominant wishes to conclude His business day at 5:30 PM. In order to achieve this, the submissive shall notify the Dominant at 5:00 PM and serve drinks at 5:30 PM for the transition from work to home. The typical transition period will be approximately 30 minutes, termed “Happy Half,” for discussion and drinks to allow the Dominant to unwind from His day prior to dinner.

Appendix 1, Training. i really am out of training with this long break and have developed some bad habits. While our contract specifies that Maximus shall train me, He felt it was important to reiterate this in the appendix to set up scheduled training times.

The Dominant will schedule submissive training as needed.

My training will be conducted weekly and i will journal about these sessions.

So that’s where we’re at. It feels like a couple years of starts and stops and starts and stops, and it has been. We both feel that life is settling down, that the disruptive major life changes are behind us now and we can focus again on our D/s.

Categories: 24/7, adrenal fatigue, D/s, hypothyroidism, relationship | Leave a comment

Who are we?

question-marksIt’s been a hard year for me, maybe not hard/difficult, but a disappointing struggle. But it wasn’t about Maximus, not about our relationship, not about me retiring and moving in with Him into a 24/7 M/s situation, but with my body. i’ve just never recovered from getting the uterine fibroids and hysterectomy to remove them–my body never came back, despite trying to force it back into shape, both physically and endurance-wise. i was afraid to admit it, but finally a few months ago i resigned to the fact that something was wrong with me. Long story short (will be another journal entry), after seeing several doctors, i have a poorly functioning thyroid gland, barely functioning adrenal glands, and a previously unknown genetic predisposition (due to two mutations) for this. i’m not lazy or crazy! i am starting the path to recovery, and hopeful things will improve over the next few months.

my health didn’t just impact me, however. Maximus has struggled on how to help, what to say or not say, whether to hold us to our M/s or not. He finally decided to just let the M/s go for a while, including BDSM play and vanilla sex. Unfortunately, i was not aware of this and only felt Him pulling away. This only made me feel worse, thinking that He was not desiring me. i finally asked why He wasn’t interested in me and we talked about what was going on. i had just come to the conclusion that i needed to see a specialist about my health, so we had a very frank and open conversation about everything.

What we really want, both of us, is to get back into our M/s. Really, we’ve not strayed too far out of it, i’ve operated on the assumption of service, it’s just that Maximus did not feel comfortable with me in my state to be very forceful or strict about my training. There were many days i just didn’t feel well and my attitude reflected that, which Maximus didn’t deal with. Right or wrong, it’s what happened.

Last week we reviewed our contract, which prompted a lot of great discussions. One thing that came up was the question, “Who are we?” We both want M/s, my serviceheart desires that, but Maximus just is not comfortable with the aspect of physical discipline we tend to see and read about with M/s relationships (don’t get me wrong, Maximus loves physical BDSM, but physically punishing me for something i have done incorrectly or for discipline in my service is not the leader He is. It caused us concern that perhaps we weren’t doing it right or perhaps it’s not what we really mean when we say M/s. So Maximus has tasked me with researching M/s relationships to investigate how we fit into it, what we need to do, contract adjustments, protocols, etc.

So far, the research has been fascinating! i’m re-reading things i/we read in the past when we were preparing for my move up and our 24/7 M/s, and i’ve found some other things that are very insightful and helpful. i will be journalling about this as we go through this process to re-establish our M/s.

Categories: 24/7, adrenal fatigue, BDSM relationship, D/s, hypothyroidism, M/s, Total Power Exchange, TPE | Leave a comment

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