The Flea

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We both really enjoyed NELA‘s Fetish Fair FleaMarket! We’d been to Kinkfest in Portland several years ago, so had a pretty good idea of what to expect–and it met our expectations (in a good way!).

The event is huge, really. They take over the entire Crowne Plaza complex in Warwick, Rhode Island. Only one couple in our group had a room at the Crowne Plaza, the rest of us stayed a few miles away in another hotel. We would prefer to be in the host hotel next time, as it just would make it easier for access to the vendor areas, storing stuff, a little less running around. There were 14 presentation areas with something going on at all times during the entire weekend. We had made a list of classes we wanted to take, but we ended up only going to four! We had to skip some classes in order to go through the vendor areas and lunch took much, much longer than we had anticipated. But the classes we did go to were terrific:

  • Basic Violet Wands by Lady Shimla
  • Mapping your D/s Archetype by Midori (more on this in another entry)
  • Let’s Talk Hogties by Murphy Blue
  • The Exquisite Whip: Amazing Hand-on Flogging Training by Midori

We didn’t go to the Dungeon parties at the Flea, our friends had private parties lined up for our group, so i cannot comment on what was held at the Crowne Plaza.

While the event was great, it appears that the Flea has really outgrown the space at the Crowne Plaza. Half of the vendor fair is in individual rooms, which are difficult to access due to a crowded hallway and being in hotel rooms–sometimes it was just impossible to get into a vendor room. i like to know at a glance what a vendor has and you can’t do this from the hallway, you have to walk in and see what they have. The entry into the rooms was a real bottleneck due to this. Some classes were held in rooms, too. This really limited the number of people who could attend due to the size of the room, and on Sunday, the elevators were busy with people checking out and we couldn’t get to the class on time (no one could find the stairs!) and we were denied access to a class we really wanted to go to.

We will go back if our friends are planning to go again next year. We will try our darnedest to get a room at the event, plan on eating at the concession area rather than the restaurant in order to save time, and plan time for vendor shopping. It is nice to get a perspective of things on the east coast, see different instructors and vendors we might not see in the Pacific Northwest.

But, the best part was seeing our friends again and spending time with them!

Categories: BDSM, BDSM classes, BDSM Con, Fetish Fair Fleamarket, Midori, Murphy Blue | Tags: | Leave a comment

What a Week!!

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Wow! Maximus and i had an amazing week–it was really hedonistic! Maximus took the whole week off (except one morning of work), which is sooooo rare and a treat for me, we explored together, saw great shows, went to vegan restaurants where we had the complete and rare joy of being able to order ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING off a menu, and spent wonderful times with special friends, being completely ourselves!

As i’d mentioned, several of our D/s friends had encouraged us to join them at the Fetish Fair Fleamarket in Rhode Island, February 17-19, so we bought tickets and made plans for that, which was exciting enough! But, we managed to get tickets to Hamilton in New York City for Valentine’s Day, so our Fetish Fair Fleamarket trip got extended into a full-blown week-long vacation. We got home yesterday and i’m still not quite back into normal life mode!

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View from The View

We have a time share and stayed in a beautiful suite right off Times Square between the Hudson Theatre and the Belasco Theatre. We couldn’t have asked for a better location–right in the heart of the theatre district! We wandered around the first afternoon, took in the sights. We had drinks and watched the sunset from The View at the top of the Marriott Marquis before heading to one of the top vegan restaurants in the country–Candle 79.

Tuesday, we jumped onto the Hop on Hop off bus and took a tour uptown. We love to start trips in big cities all over the world with the Hop on Hop off bus tours because we get a great overview of the city, learn some history, and figure out areas we want to come back to for more exploring. We hopped off at Central Park for some lunch, shopping at Bloomingdale’s, and walked back to our hotel. Then…the highlight of our NYC trip–Hamilton!

img_1831Hamilton was amazing! We have read Ron Chernow’s book, Alexander Hamilton, that inspired Lin-Manuel Miranda to write the screenplay, have listened to the soundtrack thousands of times and know the music by heart, have watched the documentary Hamilton’s America on PBS’ Great Performances and were shocked at how overwhelmed and blown away we were watching the show live in New York. Both Maximus and i were moved to tears and that img_1832totally surprised both of us. We loved our seats, which were dead center in the front mezzanine, fourth row, as we could see everything. (Many have asked us how we got tickets–i got them through Vivid Seats, which i wholeheartedly recommend! i also checked A View From My Seat to check which seats were good and which had obstructed views or other issues before i purchased them.) It was an experience of a lifetime, and if we could have gone the next night–we would have in a heartbeat! We capped off the night with sushi and cocktails.

Maximus had to work Wednesday morning, so i went to the gym and just chilled until He was free. We took the subway to the Flatiron District for lunch before going to the Museum of Sex. The museum wasn’t what i expected–i expected more.  There were some displays abouimg_1842t the sex club history of New York, artifacts through the ages, and exhibitions on animal sexuality, erotica through history, and erotic art, but it didn’t seem particularly in-depth to us. i did complete an online sex survey while at the museum and will share about that and the results in another post. Afterward we took another Hop on Hop off tour, this time of downtown, before heading to an early dinner at another vegan restaurant, Blossom on Columbus. Why the early dinner? Because we got tickets to see the sold out Dita Von Teese show that night (thanks again to Vivid Seats)!!

Dita’s show, The Art of the Teese, was so much fun! The show was great, but the venue and happenings there were the best! We were in the middle of NYC 20-30 year-olds, sexually vibrant, electronically-connected, dressed in their finest objectified 1950s wear, party! It was a Grinder/Tinder hookup mecca and so much fun to voyeur! The MC was Mr. Murray Hill, who was hysterical, terrifically inappropriate, and made the show! Dita was gorgeous and sexy, doing four sets in between sets of several other burlesque performers she’d selected.

Thursday was quite a day. We had tickets first thing in the morning for the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. We’d wanted to go Wednesday, when the weather was nicer, but we didn’t think we’d have enough time having to start late after Maximus’ work requirements were done, so we braved 34 degrees and 30 mph winds! It takes a long time to pick up your tickets, wait to go through security, wait for the ferry, etc. and it’s all outside. So while we had 9 AM tickets, we stood out in the cold from 8 AM to 9:45 just to get onto Liberty Island–but it was worth it. The museum inside the pedestal of the Statue of Liberty is great–we learned so much! We went to Ellis Island next, which is AMAZING! There is so much to see and learn there and we will go again just to spend an entire day at Ellis Island. We wanted to go on a hard-hat tour and see the other buildings under restoration after Hurricane Sandy, but we didn’t have enough time. We left Ellis Island for lunch and then went to the 911 Memorial and Museum. The 911 Memorial and Museum is very well done and it is emotional. The whole day was moving and emotionally draining. We ended the day at Hangawi, an amazing vegan Korean restaurant in the Korean District that we were lucky enough to get reservations for this week.

Friday we made our way to Warwick, Rhode Island for the Fetish Fair Fleamarket. There were three other couples in our group at the “Flea” and we were so, so, so looking forward to seeing them again and spending more time together. i’m going to post more about this part of the trip in separate entries, as there is a lot to talk about. But it was so great!

We got home yesterday and i am still wiped out! It’s a good wiped out, though, having had such an amazing week. i was so tired last night that while i’d set things out to make dinner, i couldn’t function enough to actually do it. Maximus excused me from my normal duties, sent me to bed, and made Himself something to eat! i still need to unpack!

Categories: 24/7, BDSM, D/s, Fetish Fair Fleamarket, Hamilton: The Revolution | Leave a comment

Artful Service Homework

sexy-maid

i was able to finally complete my homework from Miss Amy Red’s Artful Service class while flying to NYC for our Valentine’s week trip!

What makes service feel artful to you?

Art is defined as skill acquired by experience, study, or an occupation requiring knowledge or skill (https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/art). So if we were to simply use these definitions, any service that was studied or someone was knowledgeable in would be considered artful. However, i feel that there is something more to service being artful, in that is it done with added grace, intention, attention to detail, and love. i can easily prepare Maximus’ bed at night—i do it every night He’s home—but i can be much more loving and attentive about it: gently removing the pillows and arranging them extra neatly beside the bed and on the dresser, lovingly smoothing out the quilt after i spread it over His side of the bed, fluff and caress His pillow. This is much different than tossing the pillows off, roughly pulling the quilt up and flipping the covers back. And it doesn’t matter whether He’s watching or not, being artful about it in this manner makes a difference.

i’ve heard it said many times that you can taste when someone cooks while they are angry, that it actually changes how the food is prepared and tastes. Love is an important ingredient in food and in all service. Doing service with love and intention changes the experience for both the giver and the receiver.

  • What do you enjoy about service?

i enjoy the act of doing something for someone—it gives me joy and an expanded sense of purpose. i have been in a service profession all of my adult life and was drawn to it to help those who needed it. my leadership style is servant leadership, in that i work to provide resources to others so that they can succeed. Being helpful, improving people’s lives makes me feel good! i enjoy serving Maximus because it helps make His life even better, takes a lot of stuff off His plate so He can better focus and achieve more for Himself and us, and He truly appreciates it—that’s huge! But i also enjoy service because it allows me to use my skills, whether in cooking, home maintenance and repair, gardening, decorating, playing the piano, proofreading, making PowerPoint documents, active listening, leadership advisement, etc.

  • What qualities set some service apart as being artful?

As i mentioned above, having intention, going above and beyond just completing the task, value-added, something that surprises and delights, done in a graceful, beautiful manner.

What increases the connection in acts of service?

Having focus and mindfulness increases the connection. Including touch, eye contact, slowing down all increase the connection. Doing something extra, anticipating needs or desires also increase this,

  • 2 ways to focus your attention that could increase connection in service interactions

As noted above, eye contact and touch/physical interaction can increase connection in service interactions.

  • What tools do you use to communicate your intentions wordlessly?

Body language and eye contact, positioning.

  • What do you appreciate about your partner in artful service interactions?

During artful service interaction i appreciate Maximus’ response and reactions. It is more than just a “thank you,” it is a look in His eyes, tone of voice, a deeper connection. Oftentimes i am rewarded with play, attention, whether it’s immediate or delayed.

What makes service more unique and intimate?

Knowing your partner’s preferences, touch, eye contact, positioning.

  • What style or service archetype are you curious about exploring?

As noted in Our M/s, we have incorporated attributes of 1950s Housewife, Victorian, CEO/COO into our D/s. We are extremely interested in exploring high protocol and have discovered the Libertine Social Club in our region, which will give us a chance to learn more and try it out.

  • What “ordinary” act of service would you like to try charging up?

i would be interested in charging up our bedtime ritual. i have several tasks for this, but i would like to find ways to increase our connection and intention as we go to bed. This is something i need to bring up to Maximus to see how He feels about this and what we can do to achieve this.

  • Can you make it more (choose one or more) valuable, enjoyable, beautiful, irreplaceable?

Valuable, enjoyable, and beautiful

What can improve or correct existing service?

Awareness is a large part of improving or correcting existing service. If you are not cognizant of areas where service can be improved or corrected, you will continue to operate at that level. It will require some self-discipline to evaluate performance, and evaluation, feedback, discipline, correction from Maximus as well.

  • What obstacle have you experienced recently?

During the last review of our rules and protocols, we noticed that we have not been sticking to the rules and protocols regarding door opening. i have been opening my own doors, especially car doors, which is a violation of Maximus’ expectations. While this does not seem like a service, it serves Maximus’ desire to be a gentleman—disregarding this robs Him of something important deep within Him. It also serves as a reminder to me that i am His, that there are expectations i must operate within, and causes me pause to remember our relationship.

While i have been better about this since we discussed this issue, there are many things i can do to make this more artful. First, i can use the pause to actually reflect on our relationship rather than look at my phone (as is often the case when waiting for Maximus to come around and open the car door to let me out), second, i can look into Maximus’ eyes and then nod during these times to convey my appreciation and connection rather than simply thanking Him, which i do every time, third, i can incorporate touch when i pass Him during these interactions.

  • What category(s) does that experience seem to fit with?

Incorporating these things can make the experience more valuable, enjoyable, beautiful, and irreplaceable. Why irreplaceable? Because i know Maximus holds doors for others, but He does not receive any of the response i described above from anyone, which will set that interaction to a higher level than others, increasing our connection, and strengthening our relationship.

Categories: 24/7, BDSM classes, D/s, M/s, Miss Amy Red, protocols, relationship, rituals, submissive housewife | Tags: | Leave a comment

Spank!

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Maximus was anxious to try out the techniques He learned from Lee Harrington’s Making an Impact presentation (more info here), but He’d been traveling since that class. So the evening after i returned from Miss Amy Red’s service classes, Maximus took advantage of our time together for some spanking. We don’t have a lot of impact toys, mostly because Maximus hasn’t been particularly interested in it, so most of what we have are floggers. In the picture above, we have a fine leather flogger, a wide and soft leather flogger, a rose flogger i won at the Desire 2015 flogging demonstration, a wooden paint stick from Lee Harrington, and a mini Louisville Slugger. Oddly enough, we don’t have any wooden spoons in our house for cooking as i’ve never felt i could get them clean enough, but i think i see a trip to Bed Bath and Beyond to procure some for our toy chest in my future!

Maximus had me strip naked except for my high heeled shoes and kneel on the leather bench at the end of our bed. i leaned forward with my arms folded beneath my face on the bed, jutting my ass out toward Him. He started spanking lightly with just His hand, holding one hand just below the small of my back, switching hands to distribute spankings over each cheek. It was very light and He took a lot of time warming up my skin. Because we were learning something new together there was more talking than we’d usually have in a normal scene. He wanted to know how it was feeling, if the strikes were distributed enough, if it was too hard, etc. i was curious whether it was hurting His hands, if my skin was red, etc. He did say my cheeks were starting to redden and that because He was cupping His hands somewhat, the spankings weren’t hurting Him. He switched to the wooden paint stick and worked to warm me up more. It was definitely more stingy than a hand and made a great sound. None of it was intolerable and i could tell He was ramping up the intensity of the strikes as well as the tempo. He switched between using His hand and the paint stick.

i was surprised that it wasn’t hurting as much as i expected. i think it was because He spent time warming my ass up with lighter spanks. The strikes sent waves through my ass and into my perineum and i could instantly feel the walls of my pussy contract hard and start to ache, like it does when i get quickly turned on at the beginning of any play. It was more sensual than i expected. i really wanted some impact to my perineum, labia, and ass, which is something we do with the crop. Maximus spread my legs and started striking me with the paint stick and started to chuckle as strings of pussy juice started dripping and hanging from the stick. He switched back to spanking my ass cheeks with His hand harder than before.

Because the paint stick really wouldn’t nicely strike my pussy, Maximus switched to the mini Louisville Slugger. It fit perfectly! He struck my ass, upper thighs and it was really thuddy–i really liked it. i wanted Him to fuck me with it, but i hadn’t gotten any condoms out for that prior to our session and Maximus didn’t want to stop the spanking. (the end of a baseball bat is end-grain and not really conducive for fucking without the protective covering of a condom). i loved the random strikes to my pussy, clit, labia, and ass between strikes to my cheeks.

red-bottom

Red bottom

From here, Maximus switched to floggers. He used the small stingy one first and was really able to strike with a lot of force without it being too painful. We both could see that i was able to take much more with the warm up rather than striking hard from the get-go. He switched to the large flogger and while it sounds horribly menacing, it doesn’t hurt at all! He was throwing it as hard as He could and it just didn’t really do anything for me. But in the presence of others, they would probably think He was killing me! Then He switched to the rose flogger, which we’ve never really been able to use because it is very aggressive. It strikes very hard and is extremely thuddy. The strikes from this flogger transmit completely through my body and the rose petals sting. I was able to take quite a bit of force with it, but after a while i felt i needed a break from the strong vibrations from my ass into my internal organs, so we stopped that.

i was enjoying our session, but really didn’t think i could subspace from it. It was more intense than any other impact play we had ever done and i thought it would do more in my head. Maximus rubbed my ass between toys and during little breaks, commenting how red my skin was. i asked if i could have the Hitachi magic wand and i held it against my clit as He spanked me more. After a while, i just really wanted Him to fuck me.

So Maximus started finger fucking me and then flipped me over on my back, fucking me with His hands while i used the wand. He started fucking me really hard with His hand (i later learned He was fisting me) and it was deliciously intense. Suddenly, i realized i was going to have an extremely intense, emotional orgasm. i’ve learned that i have five discernibly different orgasms–breast orgasms, clit orgasms, anal orgasms, pussy orgasms, and these deep emotional orgasms that seem to come from my soul (i don’t know how else to describe them). All of these orgasms feel and develop differently. i could feel this one developing and begged Maximus not to stop, because these ones are so primal and cathartic that i really wanted to build and take me. These orgasms make me sob, deep, guttural sobs that can be alarming to people if they don’t understand them. Maximus is aware of them and doesn’t stop when i start in on one (unlike my clitoral orgasms which require stimulation to stop as soon as my orgasm starts, these deep orgasms build and grow deeper and better and can continue for a long time with continued stimulation). He continued to fist me while coming to my side and telling me i was ok. i found it distracting and asked Him to stop telling me it was ok. Turns out He thought i was going into subspace due to the impact play and needed reassurance. i never subspaced, i was just having an amazing orgasm that i wanted to ride.

We laid on the bed together and reveled in the scene. We talked about the orgasm and how cathartic those ones are and how He thought i had subspaced. He realized, though, immediately when i responded to Him that i wasn’t spaced. However, He did note that my skin temperature dropped immediately after we stopped, which is typically what happens when i space, so if i had continued to orgasm, i probably would’ve slipped into subspace.

In all, Maximus spanked me for 25 minutes (He kept track), which is the longest spanking session we’ve ever had. We would say it is something that we’ll keep in our repertoire, as it was pretty enjoyable! i’m not sure that i find the impact play cathartic in of itself, but it does stimulate me and enhanced other play. It will be interesting to see how that progresses as we implement more impact play.

Oh, i had some really nice subtle bruising the next day. Maximus did apply arnica cream to my ass when we went to bed that night, so i think that helped. And i had a nice reminder of our session the next couple of days with a tender bottom. It made sitting to watch the Super Bowl with family really fun (in a hot way)!

And i ended up with a bruise in the shape of a heart! i think it was from a rose…

heart-bruise

Categories: BDSM, fisting, flogging, Lee Harrington, spanking | Tags: | Leave a comment

Classes

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Maximus and i have been taking classes like crazy from the Center for Sex Positive Culture (CSPC) in Seattle. It’s like we’re making up for all the time we lost being afraid of munches and exploring our local kink community! FetLife has been great for finding these events (and we sure hope FetLife can keep going with all the financial limitations they’ve endured recently due to world politics).

We have been continuing the Tying With Purpose rope series with Suspended Animation. We started with Bondage for Sex, which i described in Rope, Shoes, and Sloppy Blow Jobs, and had Bondage for Power: Tying for Dominance and Pain Play two weeks ago. We really like this group, they are so down to earth and appreciate their approach to teaching this Topic, which can be so intimidating. It has been fun for me to watch Maximus’ skills and comfort with ropes and knots grow—He’s really, really enjoying it! This class taught us:

  • The Bar Tie
  • Ladder Rung
  • Wrists to Crotch
  • The Hobbler
  • The Guatemalan
  • The Toe Crusher

Maximus ADORED the Bar Tie! i have to admit it looks pretty cool and is very practical. It basically creates a handle, which is very convenient for the Top and really objectifying for the bottom (which i adore!!). He picked up this tie so quickly and then added in things He’d learned from the previous class (chest harness and breast bondage, which are His favorites). i was very concerned about the Hobbler, Guatemalan, and Toe Crusher ties as they deal with tying the feet and toes. i am horribly ticklish in a bad, bad way, thanks to my dad tickle torturing us as children, in fact, tickling is a hard limit for me, and Maximus wasn’t going to attempt them on me except i suggested that He proceed cautiously. i really didn’t want Him to not participate in something they were teaching us and Maximus has been the only person who has ever been able to touch my feet, so i said i’d try. He was so careful that He tied these ties very loose, which caused them to completely lose their intended effect. In fact, with the Toe Crusher, in which rope goes in between each toe and then the Top squeezes the toes together laterally to cause pain, did not elicit any pain whatsoever, causing the instructor to come over to squeeze—and then think i was some kind of masochistic badass with an incredibly high pain tolerance since i had little response! i started to worry that maybe i had some kind peripheral neuropathy, and then Maximus tied it tighter and i learned why it was called the Toe Crusher and that i didn’t have nerve disease in my feet—ouch!! But, i didn’t hate having Maximus bind my feet and i enjoyed the pain, so another hard limit softened. i just don’t know if i can be comfortable with others tying or touching my feet like He does.

The next class we will with this group will be the first class in the series, So You Want to Tie People Up, since we started with the second class. That will be this upcoming weekend. It will cover basic techniques, which will be good for Maximus as He had to learn their way of doing the single column knot on the fly at the first class we attended.

We also took a class from Lee Harrington, Making an Impact, which was a primer on impact play. We have listened to Lee Harrington on the Erotic Awakening podcasts and were anxious to meet him. The class was great and so was Lee! He started with anatomy, using Miss Amy Red as his bottom for the class (more great stuff on her later), techniques and body positions for impact play, and then went over different implements of impact play. Lee had brought a large array of impact tools, from gloves to paddles to canes and more! It was great to feel the different tools. i’ve always been curious about canes, but Maximus has been pretty unsure about them, but after learning about them and checking them out, He seems interested in them now. This class helped Maximus wrap His head around the difference between spanking for discipline and spanking for pleasure. As i think i’ve written about before, He really isn’t comfortable with domestic discipline, so spanking has been a conundrum for Him (however using a crop or a flogger has not). The class proved fruitful—which i’ll write about in another post.

And we picked up two of Lee’s books on Shibari, which look awesome! We can’t wait to try the techniques and ties from the books.

And finally, i went to two classes on my own! Miss Amy Red, who was the bottom for Lee’s impact class, presented two classes on service—Service: Devotion in Deed and Artful Service. i enjoyed these very much. While they were described in a way that looked like they were geared just for submissives, they would really be helpful for Dominants as well and i wished Maximus had come along with me.

In Service: Devotion in Deed, Miss Amy Red discussed service relationships and how service doesn’t necessary flow only from the s-type to the D-type. i completely agree with this and haven’t heard others say it before. i feel that while I serve Maximus in our D/s relationship, He serves me as well, primarily by providing the environment that enables me to enjoy my submissive self, being the breadwinner, supporting me in all aspects of my life, and in our interactions. It was refreshing to her Miss Amy Red discuss this. She also addressed ensuring that the relationship is a fair exchange, not causing a depletion in one person, which i totally relate to, feeling that drain in previous relationships and in my career that stopped feeding my soul.

Artful Service dealt with how to increase connection through service, specifically through attention, intention, and gratitude. She and her bottom demonstrated these and how they enhanced the connected between the Top and bottom during acts of service, making it more valuable and beautiful. And it didn’t apply only to the bottom, it applies to the Top as well, changing how the service was received to increase the connection with the bottom. Maximus was very intrigued when i discussed this with Him and we are working to implement these techniques. One thing i did not agree with Miss Amy about was her feeling that anticipatory service was creepy, like Santa Claus spying on children to see if they were being naughty or nice. It’s ok, we’re all entitled to provide service in a manner that makes us feel fulfilled and it’s not something she finds good for herself personally. Maximus and i, on the other hand, appreciate anticipatory service, to the point that it is included in my contract. my goal is to surprise and delight Maximus, which He loves. i generally do not have to spy on Him to figure out how to anticipate His needs, i just have gotten to know Him so well that it comes naturally. For example, we recently spent a staycation in downtown Seattle on a cold and blustery weekend. As we were leaving our house to go downtown, i packed a warm scarf for Maximus—i knew that if i asked Him whether He wanted one He’d say no, but i also knew He would be wanting one once we were out walking around Christmas shopping. Sure enough, when we started out and i pulled out a scarf for Him, He was overjoyed and told me over and over, “Have I told you how much I love my scarf?!?”

But she had HOMEWORK for the class!! i’m so excited about the homework! i will be working on these over the next several weeks and post them. And her handout had a ton of links that i will explore and journal about.

One of the most exciting things is that i learned that Miss Amy Red is one of the hosts of the Libertine Social Club, a high-protocol D/s dinner club held quarterly at the CSPC. Maximus and i have been interested in finding an event like this for training and to experience, especially after we heard about the Eagle Scout and Mmm’s experience with one where they are on the east coast. We’ve been interested and heard a little about the Libertine Social Club at a munch, but since we don’t have any experience in high protocol, were uneasy about looking into attending. However, after talking with Miss Amy Red about it, it is definitely something we can do and sounds like we’d really enjoy. They aren’t running the event until the CSPC has its new space all set up, which is fine, given our crazy busy schedule right now.

The classes have been so wonderful! We have thoroughly enjoyed them and are getting to know people. In fact, we have started to get to know another D/s couple that we’ve met at the D/s discussion group and have attended some of these classes with. They live near us and we’re hoping to carpool to some of these events and have gone to happy hour after one and had a marvelous time! We love hearing about their journey and learning more about them, their kink, and things to explore. It’s nice to have local kinky friends.

Categories: BDSM, BDSM classes, Center for Sex Positive Culture, D/s, Erotic Awakening, FetLife, High Protocol, Lee Harrington, Libertine Social Club, Miss Amy Red, rope bondage, Suspended Animation | Tags: | 2 Comments

Snowmageddon 2017

snowflake

my goodness! Time has certainly gotten away from me the past couple of weeks. Well, that’s not entirely true, i’ve been extremely busy in a house painting frenzy, so it’s not like i’ve been sitting around the house eating bonbons (inside joke between Maximus and me). my initial plan was to merely paint the guest rooms, but i ended up painting the guest bathroom, Master’s bedroom and bathroom (the bathroom is soooo spa-like now, i can hardly contain my squeee every time i’m in there), powder room, kitchen, family room, and downstairs hallway. i’d hoped to paint Maximus’ office, but i ran out of time (and needed a couple days rest) before prepping for a Super Bowl party at our house…and then we had a winter storm.

i’m actually writing this post in Word on my laptop and will be transferring it into my blog because we don’t have power! It started snowing during the Super Bowl and just dumped! After our guests left and we cleaned up, Maximus and i went for a lovely walk in the snow and noticed that this snow was really wet and heavy, coming down hard, and was causing tree limbs to droop down onto power lines. By the time we got back home, we’d accumulated another inch. We got our emergency supplies ready as we live out in the boonies and supposedly often lose power for extended periods of time during storms (we’ve only lived out here since October, so we’ve not experienced what our neighbors report).

Our power flipped off and back on about 1 AM, but the neighbors across the street were on generators when we woke up. We had 7 inches of snow and wouldn’t you know it, three more cypress trees fell over (i just finished cutting up the last one that fell two months ago and putting it into the yard debris container) and one of our maple trees split (it appears it had some concealed crotch rot at a branch and it broke under the weight of the snow). We went out midmorning to shovel off the driveway and clear some of the road so drivers could see where the road was rather than driving into the drainage ditch in front of our house and when it was time to go back inside, we’d lost power.

We got the generator going and it started snowing again. Since Maximus had work to do and the cable was out along with the power, He decided He needed to head out to somewhere with internet access. He also has a flight at o’dark-thirty in the morning, so we agreed that He should just go get a hotel room near the airport now, taking my SUV, so that we didn’t have to worry about Him trying to drive in the dark, possible ice and snow, fallen trees, with time constraints in the morning. i know He didn’t really like that idea, but after venturing out, dealing with the snowy streets, abandoned vehicles stuck in ditches, and fallen trees, He was glad He left this afternoon.

i assured Him that He didn’t need to worry about me, that i’d be just fine, and He replied, “gabriella, i never need to worry about you,” as i am very self-sufficient and prepared. i am very pleased with our emergency preparedness, and so is Maximus. As we were getting the generator set up, He complimented me that all my hard work was paying off, which made me smile. i’ve set up a whole shelving system in our garage to store our generator and supplies, including nitrile gloves and fuel funnel Maximus requested the last time we lost power and He spilled gasoline onto His bare hands while fueling the generator, and a headlamp i hang off the unit so we have access to it immediately when getting it set up in the dark. There are bins with flashlights, batteries, an emergency radio with a crank charger and USB ports for charging cell phones, a solar charger, fuel siphon, etc. Bins with food that i go through on our birthdays in order to swap out things with upcoming expiration dates. Gallons and gallons of water in special carboys, in addition to all the water in our hot water tank, and a water filtration system. There is first aid equipment and we also have all of our camping supplies in another shelf nearby with fuel pods and cooking equipment, more flashlights, etc. Everything’s organized, labeled, easy to access. The generator powers six circuits in our home: the septic system, furnace, Maximus’ office outlets, family room outlets, refrigerators and freezer, and garage doors. We have two gas fireplaces for heat, so i generally turn the furnace thermostat down to the 60s to avoid having to run that power hog, and we have a gas stove that we can light with a stick lighter or matches for cooking. So we’re pretty set.

i’d started working on this project while we were in the condo, but moving out to the lake necessitated completing our emergency preparedness. While i worked in public safety all of my adult life, i never had emergency supplies at home. Why? Because i was never home during emergencies—i was always working and had supplies provided at work. That all changed when i retired! And boy am i glad i got it all done this fall and early winter! So i guess you could say i’ve pretty much geeked out on emergency preparedness!

Woo Hoo! Power came back at 8 PM…but still no cable, so no internet…boo!

And finally! Internet at 10 AM!! Back in service!

Categories: apocalypse, submissive housewife | Tags: | Leave a comment

Love thyself

aime-toi

i’m in Portland, staying with a close (vanilla, non-lifestyle) friend of mine. i found out last week that she’d gone through a breakup several weeks ago. Her live-in boyfriend of several years left her over the holidays and she’d been struggling through it. i picked up something on a Facebook post that told me the answer before she’d replied to my text asking what was going on. So i invited myself down as soon as the Portland snowpocalypse ended.

She is drowning in grief. i remember that feeling. And it’s more than a loss of a companion, a lover, additional income, the beloved dog he took with him, the debt he left you straddled with, the lies you now realize, it’s the loss of your former self, that strong, assured, self-sufficient woman, PERSON, you were when you attracted him in the first place. It makes you mad, sick inside, that you let it come to this. How did i let myself down and let another person, a relationship steal my self-worth?

And you feel like you’re never going to get it back.

You will. But the answer is not in anyone else–it’s in you. It’s been there the entire time. No, you are not going to be the person you were before, ever again. That person is gone, but in its place will be someone stronger, better, smarter. You have to believe this. But its going to take work. i know it sounds cliché, but you have to fall back in love with yourself.

And you have to forgive yourself, stop beating yourself up for being in the relationship, for whatever damage happened to you. Let it go. Don’t let it poison yourself any more. It happened, it’s done, dust yourself off and move on.

So i’m here to be a shoulder, an ear, arms to hug and hold, maker of soup, and out-of-the-house-taker-outer. We drank champagne, toasting her strength and our unending friendship. i’m proud of her, her accomplishments before and now. And i look forward to watching her fall back in love with herself.

Categories: balance, relationship, relationship needs | Tags: | Leave a comment

A Great Week!

Does anyone else see the heart in the shadow of the light i installed in our bedroom?


i know i promised to journal yesterday but i didn’t. i’ve still been busy working on the house and was so wiped out last night that i was in bed by 8! 
i get a lot of work done when Maximus is here, but i seem to get so much more done when He’s gone! Maybe because i don’t stop to make sure He’s taken care of when He’s gone? And i can work into the evening too? Today i picked up new moulding for our powder room and installed it (the old stuff was water damaged and drove me batty!), caulked and puttied it, put the Xmas lights away that had been drying out in the garage, installed hooks to hang bicycles from ceiling, hung wreaths in garage to store when not in use, cut up more of the trees that fell in December and filled up the yard debris container (hopefully only two more weeks to go on that), stacked some firewood from the trees that were cut down two weeks ago (the chunks have been frozen to the ground, and some still are!), made enchiladas for Maximus when He gets home and i’m gone, and a whole bunch of other little things! 

The point is that i’m not just sitting around eating bonbons and being too lazy to journal! i have so much to write about and i’m too wiped out to do it! Fortunately i’m headed to Portland to spend time with a friend for a few days and should have time to write then. She’ll be working at home while i’m there and while she was concerned about that, i assured her i could entertain myself while she’s working. i hope to get some writing done then. Because i have more painting to do when i get home!!

i’m so boring!

Categories: 24/7, submissive housewife | Tags: | Leave a comment

Painting!

paint

i have sooo much to write about. i’ve not written for the past week as i’ve been busy painting the walls inside the house. So far i’ve done both guest rooms, guest bath, powder room, master bedroom, and master bath. The master bath needs a second coat and i’m planning a paint treatment for the powder room (which is part of a whole redecorating of that room), so those rooms aren’t completely done yet. It’s been non-stop and has taken all my attention and time.

Maximus is thrilled, He keeps going into each room, turning the lights on, staring, and singing–especially about the navy blue powder room! As i’ve painted the master bedroom the same brick color as we had in the condo, He said today that the bedroom finally feels right. And i know what He means. All the walls inside were the same yellowy-beige, blah, French vanilla color. And, well, we’re not vanilla people (ok, maybe just for an ice cream flavor)!

i have plans to paint Maximus’ office, the family room, kitchen, and entry hall. i’ve not yet figured out a color for my office. After that, i’m pretty much stuck as the rest of the walls go two stories high and we don’t yet have a tall enough A-frame ladder.

It has given me a lot of time to catch up on podcasts though, so that’s been great! i’ve found a new one, thanks to a recommendation Maximus received at the last D/s discussion group, and have a lot to write about after listening to the first dozen podcasts of hers. Vague, i know, but i want to introduce this podcast more formally in its own post.

i’ll try to be more diligent about journalling despite working on big projects. It’s hard, as i’m tired at the end of the day and since Maximus was home all last week, i didn’t want to take time away from Him in the evening to journal, especially since i was so busy during the day and not very interactive with Him. He’s gone the first part of this week, so i should get some writing done. i’ll be heading to Portland the latter part of the week, before Maximus returns, to spend time with a dear friend who’s going through a rough time after a breakup. i’ll try to write when i’m down there too.

Categories: 24/7, submissive housewife | Tags: | Leave a comment

Dancing and D/s

 

heal

“After all, Ginger Rogers did everything that Fred Astaire did. She just did it backwards and in high heels.” — Ann Richards

Maximus and i had our first introductory dance lesson last week and it was Wonderful!! It really was a great date night idea and Maximus was in heaven. i wore my new John Fluevog Heal shoes, which the instructor fell in love with, and they were perfect for dancing in (the instructor even remarked on that after checking them out).

Besides the instructor, i was the only woman and there were three men, including Maximus. It was nice to have a small class, but it would’ve been nice to have an equal pairing. We learned the steps separately, at first, and then paired up, switching partners between songs. While i didn’t want to switch partners, it gave me a chance to experience different styles and what worked, and kept me from trying to manage my lead, as while i might be tempted to do that with Maximus, i wouldn’t do that with a stranger! We learned the Waltz first and then American Tango. We spent considerably more time on the Waltz, learning how to turn the woman and then how to rotate the step together. i thought it was a lovely dance. We rushed through the tango as we were running out of time, and it required a lot more work by the woman, and i’d like to spend more time learning it.

i discovered that ballroom dancing is just like D/s:

  • There are defined roles

There is a leader and a follower. It is clearly defined and the leader is in charge of deciding where we are going and how we will be proceeding. Should the follower try to take the lead, toes are going get stepped on! Staying in your roles makes for a smooth and beautiful dance.

  • The leader must be strong and confident

my mom has always said, “Fake it ’til you make it,” meaning, be strong, even if you’re scared to death. The follower is depending on the leader to initiate the movement, even when they are learning. The leader’s arms must be strong so they guide the follower in the direction they wish to go.

  • Communication is paramount

In dance, you communicate with your connection, your body, your eyes, and this is vital. The leader must be able to convey their expectation for the next step, the direction they are going, how they are doing it. Without this communication, things fall apart.

  • The follower must trust their leader

The follower is not in charge and they have to trust that. If you don’t trust your leader, again, toes will be stepped on! Breathe, relax, and allow your partner to lead you. Don’t top from the bottom.

  • The leader is showing off their follower

In dance, as in D/s, the leader shows off the strengths of their partner, spinning them, doing things that show off their body, taking advantage of clothing to display their best.

  • It takes practice

You’re not going to get it right the first time, or the second time, and after you do get it, you’re going to have hiccups! It’s not a “one and done,” it’s a skill that takes attention. There’s always more to learn, things to add, things to refine.

  • It takes patience

You’re both learning–be patient. As the follower, you can’t rush the leader. Don’t get frustrated, be a helpful follower. Toes might get stepped on, steps out of sync, moves forgotten–it’s ok. Pick up, carry on, and continue to learn together.

  • It is supposed to be fun for both partners

It really should be! If it’s not, figure out why and fix it. Perhaps you’re not following your role, not communicating, not being patient. And sadly, perhaps it’s not the right partner for you.

  • Connection is the key

Hold on tight–we’re in this together!

We’re both looking forward to the next lesson Friday night. This time we’ll learn Salsa and Bachata. Maybe we’ll stay for the open Argentine Tango lesson afterward to figure tango out better. Maximus wants to do private lessons with our instructor after we finish this series, and i think that is great!

i think this is good for us. Not only because it’s something fun and social, but that it builds upon our D/s, teaches us skills we can apply in our relationship, makes us better partners. i’m excited for our future, to see how we grow from applying these skills, both in dance and in D/s.

Categories: 24/7, BDSM relationship, D/s, dancing, date night, Fluevog shoes, relationship, trust | Tags: | 1 Comment

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