Monthly Archives: January 2017

Our Book Club–Devil in the Details III

devil-details-iii

Last month Maximus selected Devil In The Details III – The Art of Mastery- A Mentoring Trilogy: Volume III “Sustainable Structure & Training” part of The Devil in the Details: the Art of Mastery
series by LT Morrison for our personal book club. We’ve read the other two books in the series, but this was by far our favorite and most useful to us. The other books were about the theory of M/s relationships, but this volume was about the application of these theories. It detailed contracts, training, rules, rituals, and protocols and offered examples of each through stories and actual documents used and developed by Morrison. This was something we’d been looking for and both Maximus and i highlighted a lot of this book for our discussion.

A lot has come out of our reading. First, Maximus has asked that i keep a binder to keep our Rules, Master Preferences, and Entertainment Journal. The rules section will hold Appendix 2 of our contract, which is our house rules, rituals, and protocols. i am also to go back through the historical archive of our contracts and rules and indicate the date of which each rule was taught to me. Master Preferences is my list of things i have learned about Maximus’ personal preferences, such as the fact that He hates olives and that the Seahawks are His favorite football team. The Entertainment Journal is a record of guests (vanilla and kink) we have hosted, what was served, what we wore, entertainment provided, which room they slept in, etc. In addition, i am to develop a system to track preferences of any and all of our guests in terms of allergies, special needs, favorite beverages, etc., so that i can be best prepared to best host them.

There are some changes to our contract and rules as well. i have pages of notes for additions, edits, alterations of our contract and rules that i will completing over the next several days. i will do them in stages and journal about each section and then update the Contract and Rules page after we have reviewed and signed. As is our norm, the rules we discussed and i verbally agreed to last night when we went over them go into effect immediately.

As always, discussion about our contract, rules, ritual, and protocol makes us feel just so connected. Going over what we’d read and how to improve our D/s relationship by applying the concepts introduced in this book took hours, but gave us a greater understanding and connection. To me, it gives some more framework in areas that we hadn’t thought about or had operated under but not codified.

Maximus loved the last section of the book with a parable of two wolves:

“Son, there is a battle that goes on inside us all. It is a battle between two wolves.”

“One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, and ego.

“The other wolf is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.”

His son thought about it, then asked.

“Which wolf wins, Dad?”

He smiled and look at this young man, so much like him.

“Son, it is always the one you feed.”

Going over our contract, rules, rituals, and protocols feeds our Good wolf. It never feels oppressive, controlling, or confining, it feels like an enhancement and strength. i’ve never gone away from a contract discussion with Maximus feeling upset or like i’ve been screwed–i always go away joyous, light, happy, and more connected.

Our Next Book

ms-mastery

Our next book will be Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches and practices by Robert J. Rubel, Ph.D. and M. Jen Fairfield. i’ve read this book already and requested to Maximus that we go over it together for our next book, which He agreed.

We will go over sections once a week, as we did with our last book, but i will reserve our review until we finish, unless there is something i need to journal about before the end.

 

Future Reading Material

i do have a running list of books for Our Book Club, but do you have any recommendations? i’d love to know what others have found helpful in M/s, D/s, protocol, ritual, BDSM, domestic discipline, etc. Please feel free to comment suggestions!

Categories: BDSM, BDSM contract, D/s, Dom/sub, LT Morrison, M/s, Our Book Club, relationship, training | Tags: | 4 Comments

2017 Relationship Vision, Values, and Goals

Somehow Maximus and i missed reviewing our Relationship Vision, Values, and Goals last year–that should tell you just how chaotic last year was! We’ve never missed a year, so this was a big deal.

Values

We started with our values. As before, we brainstormed values and i wrote them on Post-It notes. We came up with quite a lot!

2017-values

We came up with:

  • Travel *
  • Friends
  • Fun
  • Entertainment (Parties, Movies, Theatre) *
  • Adventure
  • Fitness *
  • Family
  • Learning
  • Work
  • Financial Stability
  • Home *
  • Support (emotional, physical) *
  • GOT *
  • Health
  • Mindfulness *
  • Patience *
  • Contentment *
  • Happiness *
  • Balance *
  • D/s *
  • Sexuality
  • Honesty *
  • Disclosure *
  • Communication *
  • Accountability *

Then i compared them with what we came up with in 2014. A * indicates a new value from last time. i stacked duplicates and added what we felt were relevant from 2014:

  • Faith
  • Organization
  • Compassion
  • Cleanliness
  • Autonomy
  • Selflessness
  • Creativity
  • Spontaneity
  • Order

We then worked on ranking them as to their priority in our lives together. As we went along, we realized several were supportive of major values, so it ended up as a tree of sorts. As always, this process lead to a lot of discussion on meaning and level of importance–which is just as important, if not more so, as the exercise itself!

2017-values-ranked

Here are how our values worked out for 2017. It’s a bit more complex than last time. The bold text is a major category, supporting values are bulleted beneath. It has surprised us both times that faith has come in last. i think that the events of 2016 really influenced us, in that health ranked second this time, above family and career.

 

 Our 2017 Values

Our GOT Relationship

  • Support
    • Emotional
    • Physical
  • Patience
  • Mindfulness
  • Compassion
  • Selflessness
  • Autonomy
  • Accountability
  • Communication, Honesty, Disclosure
  • Sexuality
  • D/s

Health and Fitness

Family

Work, Career, Lifelong Learning

Financial Stability

Home

  • Cleanliness
  • Order
  • Organization

Fun

  • Friendships
  • Travel
  • Entertainment
  • Adventure
  • Spontaneity
  • Parties
    • Vanilla
    • Kink

Faith

So going forward, these are the values we will use to guide our decision making processes.

Relationship Vision

Now that we’d completed our values, we looked at our existing relationship vision to make sure that it still applied. And we found it did:

GOT – a lifelong, harmonious, loving, committed relationship together.

There was some discussion about this as Maximus thought it should simply say, “GOT,” but i need it spelled out.

Goals

We started by going through our 2015 goals since we hadn’t worked on 2016 goals and reconciled 2015. Turns out, we did a pretty good job of completing our 2015 goals. We noted that some were completed in 2016, so while we hadn’t written down goals for 2016 we did have an idea in our minds of what we wanted to accomplish based upon the task two years ago.

i’m not going to include the goals here as i have them in an Excel spreadsheet that i use to track our goals on a quarterly basis.

It feels good to be back on track with our Values, Vision, and Goals. It is a nice way to start a new year, knowing we are on track with each other and have things to check ourselves on.

new-year1

 

Categories: BDSM relationship, communication, D/s, openess, Reflection, relationship, relationship needs, Relationship Vision, Values | Tags: | Leave a comment

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