Continuing the update of our contract, we have added rituals and protocols to Appendix 1.
While the category is new, we have had rituals embedded in our rules. This update serves both to break our existing rituals out of the rules section and into their rightful place and introduce some new rituals.
So how are rituals different from rules? As LT Morrison describes in Devil In The Details III – The Art of Mastery- A Mentoring Trilogy: Volume III “Sustainable Structure & Training, rituals are those behaviors a submissive does either on their own volition or upon command based upon specific expectations taught by their master, primarily to reinforce the submissive mindset. i think this is why we had these interspersed with our rules, as they do look like rules and are taught like rules.
This is not new, but has never been codified. Maximus has been bringing me tea in the mornings as long as we have been living together. It confused me at first, as it seemed subservient to me, but it is of His own volition and serves a greater purpose as being a way to release me from bed. It also allows Him to have His morning routine without interruption.
When the Dominant is home, the submissive shall remain in bed and await tea brought to her by the Dominant before rising from the bedchamber. Once up, she shall promptly make the bed (or strip it if it is time for weekly laundering) and find the Dominant to greet Him for the day.
These are existing rituals moved from the rules section.
The Dominant and the submissive will begin each day exchanging “Good morning” and “I/i love You/you.” If either the Dominant or the submissive is traveling and physically away from the other, the communication may occur via telephone or text message.
The submissive shall prepare and serve fresh “green” juice for the Dominant every morning when He is at home. This may not be necessary on mornings He is traveling in the early morning hours and will be communicated.
This is a new ritual and something we both think will be extremely helpful for me. i am an introvert, in that i derive power from my inner-self, home, quiet, and introspection. i am not shy and am very social, but this drains my batteries. Going out to run errands drains my batteries too and i am very careful when i go as to control the rate of drain! i don’t shop on the weekends and time my errands so i don’t get caught in dreaded Seattle-area traffic–something i abhor! Drained batteries looks like crankiness and bitchiness in me–i get short-tempered, frustrated, and overwhelmed. It’s not fun for either Maximus or me to have me come home irritated and take it out on Him. So to combat this, Maximus has instated a focus ritual.
Whenever the submissive has left the home for any period of time, upon her return, immediately after greeting the Dominant (when He is home), she shall inform Him she is going to have a time for focus, retire to the Master’s bedroom, and spend at least five minutes re-focusing back into her D/s relationship with the Dominant, thus releasing all angst and frustration in order to best serve Him.
Happy Half Ritual
Happy Half is being moved from Rules to Ritual, as it really is a ritual.
The submissive shall notify the Dominant at 5:00 PM and serve drinks at 5:30 PM for the transition from work to home. The typical transition period will be approximately 30 minutes, termed “Happy Half,” for discussion and drinks to allow the Dominant to unwind from His day prior to dinner.
There are several rituals pertaining to bedtime, most of which have been in effect for some time. However, the first one is new.
Before retiring to bed, the submissive shall prepare the coffee pot for the Dominant’s morning coffee, and set out her desired tea and fill the kettle in preparation for her morning tea.
The submissive will prepare the Dominant’s bed whenever He is retiring to sleep. All decorative pillows will be removed from the bed and stored, His quilt will be spread over His side if He is desiring it, the covers and top sheet folded back for entry, His bed pillow set flat, and pillow for propping under His legs tucked between the sheets at the level of His knees. His bedside lamp will be turned on.
The Dominant and the submissive will conclude each day with “Good night” and “I/i love You/you.” If either the Dominant or the submissive is traveling and physically away from the other, the communication may occur via telephone or text message.
These are new.
The submissive shall always greet the Dominant with a kiss and a smile, whether in private or public, if they have been apart.
This next ritual pertains to Maximus’ return from travel. i have always sat with Him while He’s unpacked His travel bags, but He would prefer something more formal.
Whenever the Dominant is coming home from business travel, whether by air or car, the following greetings will occur, based upon His time of arrival.
Before 9PM: the submissive shall don an outfit of His choosing (may be one of several preset selections), prepare the drink that He requests by telephone or text on His way home, and wait in the living room. The Dominant will enter the house, go into His office to drop off His things, check correspondence, and come to the submissive in the living room. At His command, the submissive will follow Him upstairs to the Master’s bedroom to sit and visit with Him while He unpacks and prepares His bags for a future trip.
Between 9-11 PM: the submissive shall don an outfit of His choosing (may be one of several preset selections) or a robe (should she have retired to bed already) when He notifies her by telephone or text that He is on His way home, and wait in the living room. The Dominant will enter the house, go into His office to drop off His things, and come to the submissive in the living room. At His command, the submissive will follow Him upstairs to the Master’s bedroom where He may or may not unpack.
After 11 PM: the submissive may remain in bed, should she have retired already. If she has not retired to bed, the 9-11 PM ritual shall apply. If she has retired to bed, she shall prepare the Dominant’s bed and leave entry and closet lights on in preparation for His return home before retiring herself.
Protocols guide interaction, per Morrison. We are low-protocol, for the most part, in our daily lives together. Maximus does have a desire to delve into High Protocol for some scenes and for some group gatherings, such as teas or dinners, but these would be temporary and will require a lot of training for both of us. We are hoping to find others interested and/or experienced in this for mentoring.
The interaction section of our rules are actually protocols, so they are being moved.
When entering into the awareness of the Dominant, such as into His office while He is working, the submissive is to lightly knock on the door and await response from the Dominant for entry. Should the Dominant not respond to the knock, the submissive may knock again for response.
In public situations, the submissive shall walk beside the Dominant unless the Dominant signals or communicates otherwise. The submissive shall wait for the Dominant to open doors for her, other than restroom doors.
The submissive shall wait for the Dominant to open the car door for her, if she is a passenger, except for when entering or leaving the car in the garage at home, due to obstruction.
When walking on sidewalks or adjacent to vehicle traffic, the submissive shall walk on the inside, with the Dominant walking adjacent to traffic.
Presenting items is a new protocol:
When presenting the Dominant with an item, they are to be gently presented with two hands, palms up, when possible, presenting and holding until it is accepted or directed to be set down.
i have only one position protocol, which is when Maximus is preparing a scene or we are commencing training and i am to be collared with my leather collar. This is not new, but had not been codified before.
When the submissive is to be collared with her leather collar for training, scenes, or at any other direction of the Dominant, she shall kneel upright, and present her collar in both palms in front of her. After the Dominant receives the collar from her, the submissive shall place her hands on the back of her head, holding her hair up off of her neck for placement of the collar by the Dominant. After the collar is place, she shall remain kneeling and place her palms on both thighs, awaiting next instruction.
These are the extent of our rituals and protocols for now. At this time they will remain in Appendix 1 unless Maximus determines we should re-index the supplementary material of our contract. i will be working on making all of these changes to our official document and will update the BDSM Contract and Rules page when i have completed it and it is approved by Maximus.