There are a lot of changes to Appendix 1 Rules of our contract, so hold on tight!
First, Appendix 1 will be renamed Rules, Rituals, and Protocols
One rule is being moved to the body of the contract:
The Dominant and the submissive recognize that this relationship is unique to them and is a primary relationship to any other relationship the Dominant or the submissive have with others. The submissive will be the Dominant’s only sub; The Dominant shall be the submissive’s only Dom. Furthermore, the submissive shall not take on the position of a Domme or Dominatrix with another party, nor shall the Dominant be taken in as a submissive to another.
While that seemed to imply emotional monogamy, it really didn’t spell it out. Emotional monogramy is fundamental to our relationship, so it deserved to be written into the contract and will be included in this clause. Furthermore, it was listed as a rule and it should be in the fundamentals of our contract, so it has been moved.
There are three changes under the category Sleep.
First, the rule about preparing Maximus’ bed is being moved to the Rituals section and will further describe exactly how i should perform this.
Second, we are adding:
The submissive shall sleep in a position in the bed where the Dominant can touch her at all times.
Maximus prefers that i am in close contact with Him while we sleep, something that was impossible for me to do while i was suffering from hypothyroidism (our body temperatures were so off from each other that any touch from Him felt like hot brands burning into my skin, and not in a sexy, BDSM way!). Now that i am in recovery, Maximus is establishing this rule.
The submissive shall don and wear the Dominant’s wrist cuffs to sleep at night whenever He is traveling and away at night.
This is a reminder to me of His need for touch at night and makes me feel more secure while He is gone.
Under Clothing, we are adding a notation about the wearing of my day collar/collar-representing jewelry. Again, it was something that had been communicated but not codified.
The Dominant has collared the submissive. This collar is to be presented by the submissive for placement (as described in the Protocols section) by the Dominant during training, BDSM play, kink events (where appropriate), and when directed by the Dominant. He has also provided a more discreet marking of ownership in the form of a David Yurman link chain ring and necklace, either or both which shall be worn at all times inside and outside the house, except when bathing, sleeping, or housekeeping/projects and exercise make it unsafe to so do. The submissive is the only person in the world permitted to wear the Dominant’s collar or other markings of ownership, none of which shall ever be shared or loaned by the submissive.
The collar is extremely important to us. Maximus just wants the wearing of my actual collar and collar-representing jewelry to be practical and safe. i am always collared and am aware of my collaring without the actual collar or jewelry in place. This is a deviation from most collared subs, but it is Maximus’ rule for me.
Personal Hygiene/Beauty has a new entry regarding my responsibility for keeping Maximus’ ears and nose free of errant hair.
Under Personal Qualities, we are adding:
The submissive will conduct herself with dignity and grace in public.
It’s not been a problem, but important to note.
Sex will now include that i am responsible for maintaining our supply of lubricants, all types and for all purposes. Failing to maintain supply may mean intercourse without the aid of lubricant.
Under Communication, we are adding:
The submissive must express her feelings, wants, state of health, likes, and dislikes at all times. She is free to express those needs consistent with her position, expressing not demanding.
This includes communicating about whether i dislike a television show or movie rather than just getting up in the middle and leaving the room–i didn’t realize this was a problem for Maximus, i thought i was being polite. Apparently this leaves Him in a lurch wondering if He should pause and wait for me to return, if He’d offended me somehow, if i’m ill, etc.
We are also adding:
Any errors or breaches of this contract by the Dominant do not abrogate the submissive’s obligations provided for herein. The submissive may request a discussion, but should not expect an apology from the Dominant for any perceived, or real error, or omissions. Acceptance of this contract is sufficient for the submissive to understand the Dominant’s intent is to provide a safe, healthy structure and life for the submissive and that errors are reflective of the human condition, no motivated by malfeasance, or desire to harm the submissive. The submissive accepts any errors on an ad hoc basis.
This helps with a perception that Maximus has that i am, at times, requesting discussion about issues expecting an apology–i’m generally not. Most of the time i just want to communicate how i’m feeling and have acknowledgement that He recognizing how something made me feel and an apology from Him just makes me feel more frustrated and unheard. He shared that He often just apologizes just to avoid discussion.
New subject heading: Housekeeping.
Household tasks will be distributed between the Dominant and the submissive at the Dominant’s discretion. Any housework done by the Dominant at His own volition shall not be perceived as a failure by the submissive or subject to punishment, unless the Dominant is completing a task the submissive had been directed to do and failed to complete.
The Dominant willingly participates in the following housekeeping tasks, although they do not preclude the submissive from doing these tasks: laundry (all aspects, including dropping off and picking up dry cleaning), vacuuming/sweeping, mowing the lawn, blowing out the garage.
The Dominant desires to own the following tasks, unless He deems them punishment tasks for the submissive: cleaning His own car, cleaning toilets, final cleanup of dishes and kitchen after the submissive prepares dinner.
Maximus enjoys housekeeping tasks, it gives Him a break from His work day. i get a little twitchy about this, however, and often apologize when i find Him completing housework tasks–He wants this to stop. i do have my daily chore list that i developed and will continue this, i just need to understand that He is going to do some housework as well.
The Interaction section will be moved to Protocals.
In Travel, Maximus wanted it clarified that i do not pack His travel bags.
Under Financial, we are adding language to reflect the recent addition of my responsibility for paying utility bills. Maximus has also added that i will track all sales tax (using the spreadsheet He created), taxable donations, and rental property finances. i am also to go with Him to meetings with the tax accountant.
There will be one addition to Work/Life Balance which is to indicate that i am to bring my calendar to Happy Half in case Maximus needs to update me on any schedule updates that have occurred during His workday.
Social Organization is a new section.
The submissive is responsible for maintaining our social calendar and making suggestions for social outings.
The submissive is responsible for making social contacts and responding to messages in any and all of our online social networks, as well as email and text.
The submissive shall maintain an Entertainment Journal that records guests (vanilla and kink) we have hosted, what was served, what we wore, entertainment provided, which room they slept in, etc. In addition, the submissive will track preferences of any and all of our guests in terms of allergies, special needs, favorite beverages, etc., in order to best host them.
It appears to be a lot of new rules, but many of these are codifying what we have already been doing and some are reorganizations into correct or new parts of the contract. i will be going through and adding the dates each rule was taught to me, which i will continue from this point forward. In addition, i will keep a copy of the Appendix 1 Rules, Rituals, and Protocols available in a binder at all times for my (and Maximus’) reference.
Tomorrow i will journal about our new Rituals and Protocols sections.