Monthly Archives: December 2016

Wine Service

wine

One of the requests Maximus has had for me is to get education and training for wine service. Actually, He wants me to become a sommelier, but as i am concerned that would considerably take me away from the time He needs from me (not the training, as i finished graduate school after i moved in, but putting sommelier training to use in a job) and i am enjoying being retired, we have settled on more general wine training. Maximus has collected wine for many years, while i am fairly new to wine. i had gone wine tasting prior to being with Maximus, including a weekend trip i bought at an auction once, but don’t have a big knowledge of wine. Maximus is always impressed on how i can pick up on the nuances of taste and smell when we are tasting, and He makes it a game, with Him comparing the tasting notes while i tell Him what i pick up.

So i found a beginner’s course that is a continuing education class at a local community college. This class meets one night a week for several weeks and introduces wine types, grapes, varietals, many wine regions, as well as the basics of reading a wine label. The sommelier will also go over hints for smart buying, proper storing, and aging, as well as  a discussion of wine-and-food pairing guidelines. i am excited and bought a registration for RunnerGirl to go with me as a Christmas present, as we are always looking for fun things to go out and do together.

i think the timing is great as we are planning our wine cellar room and i should get some great tips on what to do in there. We have racking and the wine has always been stored in a sealed, cool closet, our wine cooler, or cool basement, but we have lost some wine to spoilage and i’m not sure whether it’s because of its age (some is over 15 years old) and being stored past its prime, or if we need to store some varietals differently.

The course starts in February and i’m super excited!

Categories: BDSM relationship, submissive housewife, training, wine | Leave a comment

Rope, Shoes, and Sloppy Blow Jobs

Maximus and i had a fantastic adventure-filled weekend! We had signed up for the Bondage for Sex class, had theatre tickets, and since we had timeshare points expiring at the end of January, decided to have a staycation in downtown Seattle to enjoy these things and do some Christmas shopping. It didn’t start out great, as we discovered we had a flat tire when we got to the hotel, but they put enough air in it for us to drive to a tire shop and dropped the SUV off for overnight and took an Uber to the rope class.

The rope class was wonderful! We got there a little early so i could change from my street clothes. Maximus, being the not-shy person He is, spent the time talking with and getting to know the lead instructor, and by the time i came out of the locker room, had learned all about the instructor’s home dungeon building plans and an open invitation from him to  help us outfit ours! The class was put on by Suspended Animation and they covered:

  • Futomomo. The futomomo (aka the frog tie) is our favorite way to immobilize the legs.
  • Chicken wing arms. Similar to the futo, but for arms.
  • The Somerville Bowline. This is a more advanced version of the basic column tie that we teach in our introductory classes. It takes more skill to tie, but works better and is faster to tie.
  • Chest harness. Because every bottom is better with a handle.
  • Extending rope. Being able to quickly add rope on the fly is tremendously useful.
  • Wrists to ankles. This tremendously versatile and exposed position is infinitely better than the spread eagle.
  • Crab. An excellent general-purpose sex tie.
  • Leg spreader. Super simple and super effective.
  • Face down immobilizer. Need to immobilize your partner, but don’t have anything to tie them to? Not a problem.

We discovered right away that they use a different column tie than Maximus has learned. Their’s is actually easier and Maximus is working on really getting it down. And the Sommerville Bowline is really cool and super useful for creating a usable loop for tie-downs. But Maximus’ favorite part was the chest harness. He has worked on this tie before, but He learned some things that helped Him really turn my breasts into “cupcakes,” as He calls it. i have to admit, this chest harness tie was very effective and i see Maximus using it a lot.

We learned about some more rope resources in Seattle. First is the Seattle Rope Studio, which is a group of rope instructors that hold rope dojos, among other workshops and classes, for continued practice, for both Tops and bottoms too! Second is Seattle Shibari, which focuses on Japanese Shibari style tying. We are really thrilled about these groups and will be going to a Shibari Dojo that the Seattle Rope Studio is hosting later this month.

After class we returned to our hotel and got checked in and headed out into the city. It was chilly out and as i had packed a warm scarf for Maximus, He commented over and over, “Have I told you how glad I am that you packed this scarf?” We went out for sushi at a new place and it was pretty good. We talked a lot about the class and us. Maximus shared that no one has ever made sure He was taken care of like i do (example, the scarf) and how honored He is that i am His submissive. That made me feel so good!

Afterward we walked all over and shopped and window shopped. We did get one Christmas gift, but we ended up shopping for us more! First, we found, in one of my favorite downtown shops, some beautiful tall champagne columns like the juice glasses that we’ve been coveting at Desire. And what’s awesome is that they are cut with little fish all over them, which Maximus the swimmer adores. i love the little note they have inside the box with them:

Every now and again we all swim against the current. With this artfully depicted school of fish design, beautifully etched and polished fish swim together, except for one little guy headed in the opposite direction. A delightful nod to the individuality and the unique spirit inside all of us.

Isn’t that perfect? It matches our lifestyle and really illustrates what we love about Desire, being unique individuals and being free to choose our own direction. Next, well, we ended up at Nordstrom because i wanted a 3/4 to full-length winter dress coat (my old one was, well, old, from high school, and got donated to charity in one of my recent moves). We couldn’t find the coats but ended up in shoes, of course. An hour and a half later…

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new platform Christian Louboutin shoes. i tried very hard to talk Him out of it, really i did! i was just having fun trying on all the shoes, like girls/women do, and i was having a ball at that. i never expected Him to buy any of them–i was just playing. Lesson learned for me–Maximus doesn’t play around…

So after dropping off our goods at the hotel, we ended up at a great bar for drinks. The Sounders had just won the MLS Cup and the place was electric. We had lots of discussion about us and had some great text flirting with Desire friends. It was so much fun!

The next day we slept in, had some great sex, picked up the SUV and went out for brunch. Afterward we did some more “Christmas” shopping…which turned out to mean more shoes for me. The night img_1456before, we passed an amazing boutique shoe shop that had shoes that were pieces of artwork in the windows–they were incredible! So we tracked it down so we could take a closer look. The shop is John Fluevog Shoes and he is a shoemaker out of Vancouver, BC. i can hardly begin to tell you how amazing these shoes are! First, they are works of art with amazing designs and colors. They are head-turners and fit both in the vanilla and fetish world. Second, the materials are amazing. Third, they fit me like they were made only for me! i’ve never felt a shoe like this before! We spent two hours in this shop and i tried on shoe after shoe after shoe. In the end, we whittled it down to three pairs… Not kidding, it was hard to do that and neither Maximus nor i could pare it down further than that. i wore the pink ones out of the shop! They are just so feminine and amazing!

The rest of the day/evening was spent watching a horrible Seahawks loss, some work time for Maximus, dinner, and then the theatre. We have season tickets to musical theatre in Seattle and it’s fun because it ensures we get out for special date nights now and again. We had an early night after that as Maximus had to fly out for business in the wee hours of the morning.

i headed home by myself this morning and when i got home and opened the blinds in the back, something was clearly wrong! Two trees had fallen over in the snow and wind storm while we were in Seattle! The ground is just super saturated from all this re

chainsaw

cord-breaking rain and the root balls just pulled out of dirt. The soil is soppy wet, hence the “sloppy blow job” reference. i ended up spending the afternoon with the chainsaw cutting up the trees. It made me remember a boudoir picture i’d not posted before. Note…it was just above freezing today and raining, so i dressed a little more appropriately for the weather than that pic!

So, that’s our staycation weekend in Seattle. More fun things coming up, including a D/s discussion group later in the week.

 

Categories: breast bondage, Christian Louboutin Red Bottomed Shoes, rope bondage, rope harness, Seattle Rope Studio, Seattle Shibari, Suspended Animation | Leave a comment

Snow Day!

Who doesn’t love a snow day? Maximus and i took a moment to enjoy a rare Seattle snowstorm.

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We hung Christmas lights…

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We had a snowball fight…

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It was exhausting!

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And i finally got untangled!

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Silly elf off the shelf!

Categories: Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Fetish Fair Fleamarket Plans!

ssc

We’re super excited–we’re going to go to the Fetish Fair Fleamarket February 17-19 in Warwick, Rhode Island! We had plans to go last year, but our schedule got screwed up and we had to cancel. But this year, we are going for sure! Why the Flea? Well we have met some very wonderful kinky people at the Life on the Swingset Takes Over Desire takeovers who are from that area and have asked us to come join them. So we are!

Maximus and i went over the programming guide and have interest in the following classes (we can’t go to them all as several are at the same time, but these interest us):

Friday

  • MAsT Meet and Greet
  • Rope 101
  • Mapping your D/s Archetype
  • Ritualized Kink

Saturday

  • Power Exchange Dynamics: Finding a Fit to Feed Your Need
  • Basic Violet Wands
  • One Rope Hotness: Ichinawa
  • Rope Lounge
  • From the Sensual to the Sadistic: Calibration = Good Scenes for Every Body
  • Mapping your D/s Archetype (second instance, in case we miss Friday’s)
  • Let’s Talk Hogties
  • Submissives Roundtable
  • Setting up your Scene Space
  • Sexual Objectification Training
  • Aesthetically Pleasing Rope Harnesses
  • Practice Makes Perfect: Rope Handling Drills and Challenges
  • How to Train a service submissive
  • Rope Bottoming
  • The Art of the Primal Scene
  • Floor work: How to have fun and build connection on the ground or in bed with rope
  • Rope and D/s
  • Fun and Pain with Canes

Sunday

  • Off Balance: A Partial Suspension Exploration
  • Freestyle Floorwork: Working With Friction and Connection
  • Chest Harnesses, Gotes, & Box Ties Oh My!
  • Connective Rope Bondage: Sensual and Seductive
  • Caning 101: For Fun, Pain, or Punishment
  • Protocols: They Are EVERYWHERE, but what are they?
  • Building the BDSM Ritual
  • Flameless Wax Play

As if the Flea wasn’t enough, we decided to make a vacation out of it. Maximus has been obsessed with Hamilton: The Revolution. His boss and his wife have seen it six times–enough, His boss says, to have bought a new car. We listen to the soundtrack, are reading the book by Chernow that inspired the musical, recently watched the documentary on Great Performances about it (which, if you’ve not seen, we highly recommend), Maximus has bought the mixed tape, etc., etc. So we thought if we were going to be all the way out on the east coast, maybe, just maybe we could pick up some tickets and see it in NYC? Well guess what?!? We got tickets for Valentine’s Day, front mezzanine center, second row (first row has about half the leg room as seats behind, so second row is great for Maximus’ legs)! And we were able to book a suite in our timeshare at Times Square for three nights! i’ve not been to NYC since after 9/11 when i went with colleagues to pay our respects at the Pile. i’m anxious to see how that area has changed, go to the memorial, and explore the City with Maximus!

What an adventure we will have in February!

Categories: BDSM Con, Fetish Fair Fleamarket, Hamilton: The Revolution, Life on the Swingset | Leave a comment

A Better Day

new-day

It’s a much better day today. Last night i had a chance to visit with my dear friend, Mmmm, who is also D/s, but lives on the other side of the country, and she really helped me get over what happened (see Apparently i Screwed Up). She assured me that i hadn’t done anything wrong and that some people in D/s are more or less militant and we are. And she told me that the person who called me out at the munch for making our introductions was out of line as well. Basically, we’ve just had some bad encounters as we have started our journey into finding like-minded friends, but that we should not let that discourage us. We’re not discouraged, but i’m more cautious now, for sure.

We’ve been planning on going to a D/s discussion group we found on FetLife. Because of what has happened, i decided to email the submissive group coordinator to find out if this would be a good group for us to attend, some insight into rules/protocol, etc. and she sent back a very lovely message encouraging us to attend. So we will. It’s in a little over a week.

Tonight, if the weather holds out, we are hosting friends, Buck and Red, we met at Desire three years ago and see every year at that takeover. Funny, they live just miles away and we have such difficulty getting together! We’re trying to rectify that, and wouldn’t you know it, there’s a big snowstorm coming tonight and in Seattle, a dusting of snow causes complete chaos on the roads. And Maximus is trying to fly home, going through Portland, Oregon, which is having a major ice storm. Gah! i’m still planning on everyone being here–we’ll see!

And we got revisions from the architect last night. Still working on some changes with him, but the plans look a lot better! We will have some posts in the Dungeon Room, it appears, and he tried to hide them with closets, but i want the room to be as large as possible and posts are actually good for that room–there are things we can do with them–so i’ve asked him to remove the closets. i’ll post plans when we get updates from him. It’d be great if we can get this all finalized before the end of the year and move onto the next phase of the project.

Categories: BDSM, BDSM dungeon, Life on the Swingset, swinging lifestyle | Leave a comment

Apparently i Screwed Up

screwed-up

i haven’t cried myself to sleep for a long time, but i did last night. i’m feeling a combination of hurt, embarrassed, confused, shocked, sad, frustrated, and pissed off. i’m glad that Maximus was home with me, for a brief time, even though He probably didn’t get the sleep He needed with my emotional tossing and turning. And yesterday had been such a great day up until right then.

While Maximus and i have been in swinging lifestyle for years and years, BDSM is relatively new for us. We branched into it four years ago, together, and it has been a roller coaster ride of discovery. It’s taken us much of this time, especially the first two years, to figure out our relationship, a lot of trial and error, researching, reading, listening to podcasts, talking with friends and acquaintances, some classes, revisions, etc., and we’ve been able to distill down into what works for us. But we’ve done it alone. We don’t really have a peer group–BDSM has been something we’ve done in a relative vacuum.

After this last Desire trip with the Life on the Swingset group we love, Maximus and i discussed needing to find a like-minded community here locally. We have been so fortunate to find and develop wonderful friends with this group who are into BDSM, D/s, and swinging. It’s nice to have people to talk to, learn from, have fun with, and feel true to ourselves. But they all live far away and we would like to have similar connections here at home so we don’t just have that physically once a year or emotionally at a distance.

So Maximus has tasked me with finding/cultivating a local community for us. We went to a munch, we went to a new swinger’s club that has been temporarily housing a kink community looking for a new physical location, i’ve signed us up for some classes, updated our Fet Life profiles, scheduled ourselves to go to other munches and a D/s discussion group, to get us out there. And i’ve started reaching out to other couples on our swinging sites, as during the last two years we’ve not really cultivated a lot of new swinging friendship due to time constraints of remodeling the condo, me healing from hypothyroidism, and then moving.

It’s not particularly easy for me to contact others on swinger dating website, in fact it takes a lot of effort. i am, by nature, introverted, although outgoing and not shy, and searching websites and going through the process of writing introduction messages is exhausting and time consuming. i struggle with what to say, worry about whether they will like us, and it drains my energy into slight anxiety over the whole affair. i would much rather sit there and wait for people to contact us, but it is not how it works. Maximus knows this about me. He is the complete opposite, but really wants me to work through my struggle and frankly doesn’t have the time to devote to this search. And besides, i am much pickier than He is, so it’s better for me to find people in the end. Further, i don’t feel comfortable, at all, contacting unknown people on FetLife  as it doesn’t seem like a search site, and won’t do that.

So imagine my surprise and complete glee when we got a random friend request on a swinger website Monday morning. It was on the website for the kink-hosting swinger club we toured this past weekend, and i didn’t even know you could search profiles or contact people through that site until we received the message. i logged on and while i could see their picture and screen name, i couldn’t figure out how to send them a message. But i really, REALLY wanted to because i could tell they were D/s (His name was capitalized, hers was not, and they both had to do with rope). So as this was the group that was hosting the rope class we are taking this weekend, i decided to look on the FetLife event page to see if they had possibly RSVP’d, and lo and behold, the D-half had!

i looked through their Fet pages and determined they seemed like a great match! They were indeed D/s and into rope, which Maximus is wanting to learn. His profile said he wouldn’t accept friend requests from submissive-types and her profile said all correspondence had to go through him, which is typical, i’ve found. Maximus was traveling for work and i just couldn’t wait to share with Him what had happened, what had literally fallen into our laps!

Maximus was thrilled and asked me to contact them. i told Him the only way i could was through Fet as the other page wouldn’t allow me to. He instructed me to message him from my Fet page, letting him know He’d asked me to do this for Him. So i did. And yesterday Maximus got a wonderful reply from him. However, Maximus was still away for work and unable to read the message or reply to it. He asked me to log into His page to read the message and then reply to him. This couple was planning on going to the same rope class and we really wanted to arrange some time to meet with them. i was greatly concerned that me replying to this Dominant through Maximus’ page would be deceitful and a poor way to start a relationship with a D/s couple. Maximus agreed and instructed me to message Him from my page, letting him know He’d instructed me to message him that He was traveling for work and would not be able to respond until after Thursday. So i did this. i was very careful with my pronouns, very respectful, acknowledged that this was unconventional but that Maximus really didn’t want to leave him hanging so long.

i had gotten confused and thought Maximus was not coming home until Thursday, but it turns out He was coming home last night and then flying out again in the morning. Once i figured it out, i could hardly contain my excitement realizing that He and i would be able to go through the messages from this Dominant and look at their profiles together to discuss it all. So once Maximus got home, which was late, i got my phone while we were in bed to read the messages to Him and share the profile. However, when i went to do this, i discovered that this Dominant had blocked us. Not me, but BOTH of us! i was horrified and shocked!

“Maybe it was a mistake,” Maximus said trying to comfort me, “I’ve accidentally hit the wrong thing on those sites and accidentally deleted or blocked people.”

But it wasn’t a mistake. A mistake would be blocking one of us…this was intentional, we were both blocked.

i instantly started to cry as emotions swirled through and around me. i’m sad that we’ve seemed to have lost an opportunity to meet a similar couple in our area. i’m horribly embarrassed that i did something wrong by messaging him rather than just letting it hang for Maximus to reply. i’m upset at myself for not just having us wait for Maximus respond and sending the message through my profile rather than somehow knowing i should suggest otherwise. i’m hurt and shocked that this person blocked us rather than just letting us know we’d crossed a boundary with them. And i’m frustrated and pissed off that we just can’t seem to get any inroads into local BDSM here.

The thing is, we’re new at this and we’ve not given anyone the impression otherwise. This BDSM couple found US on a swingers site, not a BDSM site, that describes that we’ve been swingers for years and new into BDSM and looking for like-minded people. Our Fetlife profiles reflect this as well. We are trying to find people so we can learn how to navigate this world of kink, find mentors, and we’re going to make mistakes. We don’t even know what we don’t know! i feel like the teenager looking for their first job that has no experience but needs experience to apply! And right now this whole BDSM community feels so elitist, i hate to admit that.

So now, instead of feeling excited and looking forward to our rope class this weekend, i’m embarrassed, anxious, and dreading it. First, because i’m afraid we are going to encounter someone who’s upset with us, and second, because i’m disappointed with the encounters we’ve had so far, with the munch and now this. i feel like an island.

i know, if i had a friend who came to me and told me about this situation i would see it from the perspective that this person did us a favor, that would you really want to be involved with a Dominant who would treat you, both of you, this way? And the answer is no, i wouldn’t. But from my perspective, i’m hurt, feel rejected, and have no way to apologize for doing something i didn’t know was wrong. And i feel responsible for making Maximus look bad to someone in this community–that’s the worst.

And i just don’t even know where we fit in anymore. We’re too kinky for swingers and too swinger for kinksters. i feel like i just got another slap of “you stupid swingers” from someone in kink, first the comment during the munch that i shouldn’t have been doing our introduction, and now this. And it’s so different from what we experience with our Swingset friends, where i can talk to, text, and email with the D half just as well as the s type. i just need a friend and some guidance.

Categories: BDSM, D/s, insecurities, Life on the Swingset, Rejection, swinging lifestyle | 2 Comments

What do i do?

vintage-chores

Since i’ve retired and moved in with Maximus, the most common question i get is, “What do you do all day?” i retired young and people, vanilla and lifestyle alike, often ask if i’m going to go back to work. Honestly, i love being retired and work harder now than i ever did when i was employed in my professional occupation. my answer is always the same, “i am the COO (Chief Operating Officer) of Maximus,” to which they laugh and agree that it would be a full-time job! Nothing has ever described my role in our D/s better than COO. my job is to make Maximus’ life run smoothly and i take that extremely seriously.

Fortunately, i am a bit of a Renaissance woman and am very capable in a wide array of activities, from cooking and housekeeping, to home repair and landscaping. i have a background in home construction and other skills not traditional to women, which Maximus really appreciates. my weakest area would be in automotive and small engines, as i never really had an interest in that area.

So i take care of whatever needs taking care of around here. If it’s something i can do, i do it; if it’s beyond my capabilities, i contract someone else to do it. i am the contact for any and all contracted services we need, such as pest control, septic maintenance, annual furnace maintenance, etc). i listen very closely to Maximus and pick up on things He might mention as needing attention, even when He’s not realized He’s said anything, and He also asks me to take care of things that come up. i keep a prioritized running list of things needing attention and never have a wont for something to do. For example, last week i replaced the two sink faucets in our bathroom after the one at Maximus’ sink broke underneath and could not be repaired; replaced the kitchen faucet after Maximus noted the spray hose would not stay in the faucet anymore and it was irritating Him; removed wall cabinets in the garage and found a neighbor who wanted them, painted the exposed wall, installed shelving and hooks to hang our ladders and extra folding dining room chairs; went grocery, Christmas, and miscellaneous needs shopping; dropped off and picked up dry cleaning; winterized the yard and house; dealt with a utility service; cooked; cleaned; etc. That’s a pretty typical week and i love it! And so does Maximus.

i do ensure that the house is clean and tidy at all times–i’ve always been that way, it’s not anything new due to our D/s. i’ve always wanted to have a home where anyone could drop by at any time and not feel like i had to apologize for the state of the housekeeping. Granted, there are times where that can’t be avoided, like when we were in the midst of decorating for the holidays and there were boxes and piles of things in process of being installed or packed up, but for the general part, things are picked up and clean at all times. Maximus does do housekeeping tasks–He likes to do this as He’s just as OCD as i am about keeping the house clean and enjoys cleaning as a break from His daily work activities–so it’s not all on me. But i do a majority of the tasks and have learned not to be personally offended by Maximus’ cleaning activities, that is unless He’s having to do something that He’d asked me to and i’d not done–that’s a different story.

There are tasks that i do on a weekly schedule, much like the wash on Monday, iron on Tuesday, etc. vintage housekeeping guide:

  • Monday – Tidy up the garage. It gets cluttered. Our cars should always be able to park inside the garage. We have a utility trailer stored in one of the garage bays and Maximus likes to put large cardboard that doesn’t fit in the can in there as a holding location for our every-other-week recycling. i put out the garbage every Monday night and recycling every other Monday night for Tuesday morning pickup. Yard debris will commence next week, so putting that can out will be a weekly Monday night task.
  • Tuesday – Clean kitchen. This is the deep-cleaning, go through the refrigerator and toss old stuff, task. i’ll clean the oven if it’s needing it, take everything off the counters and clean, refill cleaning supplies, clean refrigerator shelves, wipe down cabinets, take inventory of pantry for shopping list. Bring in garbage cans.
  • Wednesday – Yard work, clean porch and patio. Go to the farm for our weekly Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) pickup, if in season. If it is CSA pickup season, i will go grocery shopping immediately afterward for rest of food needs.
  • Thursday – Dust entire house. Clean Showers.
  • Friday – Wash windows and dust sills and blinds. We have wooden slat blinds and after neglecting those in the condo until we were getting ready to rent it out and moving into the Lakehouse with slats that hadn’t been cleaned, i’ve started cleaning these on a weekly basis to avoid a huge job later.
  • Saturday – Yard work. Maximus’ ears.
  • Sunday – Wash bedding and remake bed with lavender linen spray (i make my own in a spray bottle with water and several drops of lavender oil–just shake prior to spraying so the oil mixes in the water evenly). Water houseplants.

i don’t have a schedule for sweeping, vacuuming, mopping the floors, laundry or CSA off-season grocery shopping as i do those on an as needed basis. i hate going grocery shopping when it’s crowded, however, and will resist going in the evenings or weekends as much as possible. i also make our own laundry detergent and make that when it is getting low so Maximus doesn’t encounter an empty container if He decides to run a load of laundry. Laundry is another task Maximus enjoys and we share that–however laundry is always put away immediately after folding and doesn’t sit out in the laundry room or bedroom. Dishes are done while i am cooking and immediately after we are finished eating as Maximus and i hate having dishes in the sink or on the counter. Maximus does the dinner dishes and i do my best to have just serving dishes for Him to do, having done all the dishes from preparing the meal myself (other than perhaps the pot or pan a casserole or soup cooked in) so He does not have a huge mess to clean because of me. And He generally puts clean dishes away from the dishwasher in the morning while He’s waiting for His coffee to perk.

At His request, Maximus makes His own coffee in the morning and then also makes tea for me. He gets up earlier than i do, goes out to get the newspaper, makes coffee and tea, reads the newspaper in the kitchen, brings my tea up to my nightstand, and then either goes to His office to work or heads out to the pool for His daily swim.

One thing i don’t do…clean toilets. It’s a hard limit for me!! i hated cleaning them when i was working (yes, we had to do our own janitorial) and i hate cleaning them at home. Maximus doesn’t mind cleaning toilets, so He does that. i clean the rest of the bathroom!

Other than domestic duties, i read, play the piano, exercise (run, Zumba, swim), manage our social calendar, research miscellaneous things for Maximus and myself, sew, visit friends and family, etc. And i do other enrichment/self-improvement activities that either Maximus or i come up with. Maximus has requested that i get formal training on wine, so i am enrolled in a beginners class at a local community college on wine tasting that covers wine types, grapes, varietals, wine-and-food pairing, buying, proper storing, and aging.

So that’s what i do!

Categories: 24/7, D/s, submissive housewife | Leave a comment

Dungeon Plans!

dungeon-plans

One of the things we loved about the Lakehouse when we first saw it was that it has a HUGE unfinished basement (dubbed a walk-in crawl space in the selling details) underneath the whole house. Maximus loved the house when i brought Him out to look at it, but immediately exclaimed “Sold!!!” as soon as He walked into the basement space. Turning that area into living space has been all He’s talked about about since we got the house. We made a list of things that we want in this space and some other remodeling/additions for the existing house:

  • Dungeon space with secret locked entry (a movable bookshelf, like SwimmerGuy has for his wine room [coincidentally, SwimmerGuy is not in the lifestyle, just bought an amazing mansion with this feature already in it–Maximus is so envious of that space!]).
  • Theater/media room.
  • Wet bar with front and back bars, TVs in the back bar for during game days, wine fridge, mirrored-back shelving for alcohol storage/display, hanging glassware, at least four bar stools.
  • Wine room big enough to hold our wine barrel tasting table with enough room to move around with it in there. Glass wall or door to display collection. Wish to reuse our existing wine shelving and add to it.
  • Mudroom entry from outside.
  • Bathroom with shower accessible from mudroom.
  • Yard tool and home generator storage.
  • Interior stairs to basement.
  • Large walk-in master closet that rivals one we had built at condo.
  • Lots of exterior outlets for holiday lights!
  • Document, seasonal decoration, table runner, formal dinnerware storage.
  • Longer kitchen island.
  • Fix pinch point at entry from garage.
  • Extend deck to end of house and change existing window to French doors for access to BBQ and summer dining outside.

Maximus tasked me with this project. Right before we went to Desire, i interviewed architects and we selected one right when we got home. my biggest concern was how to get a dungeon room without describing it as such? i ended up asking for a Safe Room, thus the hidden entry! That’s how SwimmerGuy’s room was listed on their property so i figured it would work for us too. In addition, Maximus wants several hard points in the ceiling of that room, so i told the architect that Maximus wants to use that area as a kickboxing/home gym so we need the ceiling points. It was funny, when i described the room and entry, the architect said, “Oh, I’ve done several of those, they are fun!”

The architect came over Saturday morning with preliminary plans–so exciting!! We went through them with him and the project looks great! The Dungeon Room aka “Security Room” is off the Wine Room and thus in a section where people wouldn’t even realize there’d be space for an additional room. There are some things we want to change, many of which i emailed to the architect and have notated on the plans he left us. The Dungeon Room is too small and the Wine Room is enormous, as well as the tool storage room. Plus he has it configured so you have to walk through the bathroom to get into the basement from the mudroom, which i don’t like at all. He’s coming back Friday with revisions.

i am excited about the Dungeon Room! But i am most excited about having room to store all of our play toys and BDSM equipment! Before i moved up to be with Maximus, i had a

toy-bureau

Our current toy storage bureau

four bedroom house and was in the process of converting one of the bedrooms into a dungeon space (see Into a Dark Room). i’d put shelving up in the walk-in closet of that bedroom and it was so nice to have all of our toys neat, organized, and accessible. We didn’t have that at the condo and we don’t have that here–yet. For now, as was the case with the condo, all of our smaller toys are in a highboy bureau and larger items are stashed in our closet, under the bed, and the two Liberator mats are in the garage on top of the holiday decoration storage! i can’t stand it! We have to dig through drawers to get things and while i have combined like items, such as nipple toys, butt plugs, etc. in large ziplock bags, it just feels sloppy all the time. i feel these items deserve more reverence, should be organized with honor and many things displayed.

i don’t know yet how large the architect will be making the Dungeon Room, but i did send him a revision that had the room increased to 9.5 feet by 13.5 feet, reducing the Wine Room to 9.5 feet square. i think that’s doable. secret-doori’m thinking of doing a hinged bookshelf in the Wine Room to hide a door with a combination entry lock behind. We do want a bed or a platform in there, a St. Andrew’s cross, benches, maybe a stocks. Maximus mentioned yesterday that He wants a fucking machine but worried it might take up too much space. The good thing is that we can have exclusive access into the crawl space from the Dungeon Room, so we could store large items in there and bring them into the room when we want to use them. For display/storage, i’m thinking either metallic pegboard or slatwall like they sell at Home Depot. And i’d like to have some cabinets, drawers, or shelving for some items. For flooring, i’m thinking something softer, like cork as it’s naturally antimicrobial, insulating, sound dampening, and quite fire resistant.

i am looking for advice, ideas, suggestions from folks in designing this space. What have you done for your dungeon rooms? What worked? What didn’t? What had you wished you’d done? Did you use a mattress or an upholstered platform for flat play? What about the size–does this seem like a good size for a private Dungeon space? We would like to have others join us in there, so that’s a consideration too.

Thanks in advance for any suggestions and stay tuned for updates on the project!

Categories: BDSM dungeon | Leave a comment

Happy Half

xmas-wine

i’ve mentioned Happy Half a lot, but don’t think i’ve ever explained it.

Happy Half appeared in our amended contract of April 2016, however, i believe it started prior to that, sometime between September 2014 and April 2016, just wasn’t codified until last April. It started after i became frustrated with Maximus’ work-life balance–well,  really, the lack of it. Maximus can easily work twenty hours a day, as long as He gets a swim in at some point. He won’t really eat, other than grabbing a banana, oatmeal, or a plate of almond butter (yes, i really did say a PLATE of almond butter) and He doesn’t have a quitting time being that He works from home when not traveling. There’s always work for Him to do and He can just get wrapped up in it and lose track of time.

That was fine when He was single, but when i moved in, it made it difficult for me to navigate things like dinner time. i could never figure out when to plan for dinner and i always felt like i was interrupting. We discussed that He needed work-life balance and find a way to end His work day when at home, both for His mental health and time for us together. He mentioned that when He was growing up, His father would come home from work, state, “Mother, bring me a drink,” and His parents would sit together in the formal living room and visit about their day. Maximus and His brother were not allowed in the living room during this time–it was adult time only. After His parents were done talking, His mom would put dinner on the table and it was family time. Maximus had really forgotten about this until we were talking about needing a transition time from work, but found the idea really attractive for us.

Maximus has always had a “No bras after 5:30PM” rule, even before we were D/s, and it’s one of my clothing rules. So He decided to incorporate the end of His work day with the no-bra rule. As Maximus can get completely immersed in His work and lose track of time, i am to knock on the office door at 5 PM and after He acknowledges me, inform Him of the time. He will then notify me whether the 5:30 Happy Half time will work or if He needs more time to complete whatever project He’s in the middle of. i inquire what He’d like to drink for Happy Half and/or may make recommendations/suggestions for Him to choose from.  And then i leave Him be.

i often work on dinner prep during this time. i also prepare our drinks, any hors d’oeuvres, and set up space for Happy Half. During the colder months, Happy Half is inside, generally in the Family Room. When weather permits, we have Happy Half outside either at the deck table or chaise lounges so we can enjoy the weather and scenery. Setting up the space just entails that the area is neat and tidy, coasters present, television is off, music may be on, wine decanted (if serving wine) or champagne chilled, and glasses set out, etc. If we are having cocktails, i will have things at the ready to mix at the kitchen island so i may serve fresh drinks when He leaves His office. If Happy Half will be indoors, i will often just wear an apron and stilettos, but if it is cold, i may wear nice clothing. If outdoors, i wear whatever clothing is appropriate for the weather (sans bra, of course!).

Maximus starts Happy Half with a toast to us. Then we catch up on our day. If it is a Monday, we may incorporate my training into Happy Half, unless training requires more time, in which case Maximus will schedule that earlier in the day. The goal of Happy Half is for Maximus to transition away from work and for us to reconnect. To avoid making dinnertime too late, it is meant to be thirty minutes, thus the name Happy Half rather than Happy Hour, but it can be extended as necessary, although it is always a minimum of thirty minutes.

Happy Half has been incredibly important for us. Not only does it set a quitting time for Maximus’ work day and allow me to plan for dinner, but it reconnects us and sets the intention for us to come together every evening. It gives me a time that i can bring up things i need to discuss with Maximus rather than interrupting Him during His work day. And it really reinforces our D/s every single day. And i love how it incorporates the 1950’s style into our relationship that i wrote about in Our M/s.

Categories: 24/7, BDSM relationship, Happy Half, relationship, submissive housewife, togetherness | 1 Comment

Utility sub

So not all of our D/s is sex…a lot of it is, in fact, utility.

When i moved in with Maximus two years ago, i asked if He would add me as an authorized person on the utility accounts, that way if something went wrong with telephone, internet, gas, water etc. while He was traveling i could deal with it. And it turned out to be a good thing, as problems did occur while He was gone every once and a while and i was able to fix them without bothering Him. This is a prime example of how i am COO in our CEO/COO D/s relationship.

We rented out our condo and moved into a beautiful lake house the end of this summer. i was tasked to handle the transition, which i took on happily. Maximus likes to brag that He did 0.4% of the move and that i only did 99.6%! It went smoothly and i accomplished my main goal which was to have Maximus unplug His computer at the hotel, come to the house, plug in His computer and be able to start working again without interruption. i handled the installation of new hardwood floors, utility stops and starts, landscaping, movers, packing and unpacking, arranging, etc. We moved in on a Saturday and had the house ready for overnight guests the following Friday and weekend!

The Pacific Northwest has been inundated with rain for the past three months–record rain–and it’s kept me from doing a bunch of stuff in the yard i want to do. We finally had a sunny morning two days ago and i was able to get out and get things winterized. With all the landscaping work, we’ve amassed a huge compost pile that is really just too big to deal with and is full of evergreen boughs, sod, rose bush trimmings which are near impossible to compost effectively. So i decided it was time to add yard debris to our garbage service so we can whittle this down over the winter when we don’t have grass clippings to deal with. i went into the house and got the last billing statements from Maximus’ file so i could call the company to change our service. To my surprise, i found we had an invoice dated that day with a huge credit on the condo and a past due notice on the house for garbage service! Maximus hadn’t said a thing about it–which He was under no obligation to do–but usually He asks me if there are discrepancies like this. When i got through to our service provider, they added the new service and checked our accounts, confirming that i did close our condo service and start house service in September, and that we had no credit or outstanding balance. Maximus had probably just taken care of whatever the problem was. Being that we’d traveled to Desire and work had been so hectic for Him before we left, i figured the mix up was due to that.

Maximus got home from three days of work travel that night and as i updated Him on everything i’d done while He was gone, i mentioned the garbage service invoices. He did not recall seeing them, the credit, or the past due notice, but did remember filing the invoices. He’d said He was just so distracted with work stuff (it’s open enrollment time and His company is finally switching to benefits packages of the parent company that bought His. He’s had to figure out and change EVERY benefit program He’s in and it’s been confusing, frustrating, and time-consuming).

So i offered to take this off His plate. i already deal with all the utility changes and set them all up for the new house. i had been watching the utility bills the first month or two when they started coming in because i wanted to confirm they were billing us as they said we were when i set things up after Maximus had a question about a huge cable bill we got.

“Why don’t i just take utility bills off Your plate, Sir?” i asked. Long pause…

“I’m handling that,” He replied.

“You’ve been so overwhelmed with everything with work. i already am the contact with our utility services and know what should be happening with our bills. i can simply log on to your banking and take care of them, and take care of any issues that arise.”

Uncomfortable silence from Maximus.

Per our contract, Maximus takes care of the finances other than my few bills. Per our contract, i come to Maximus every month, kneel in front of Him, and present a written request for a check to cover my expenses. i must perform whatever act He requests at that time in order to receive the check. i don’t have any problem with this and it’s worked fine, but since we’ve moved, my bank is further away, making depositing the check kind of a hassle, thus i often hold them until i have two or more checks to deposit and simply transfer money around to cover my bills.

“It could make things easier for You. Instead of having to write me a check to cover my expenses, i could pay those expenses directly from Your account when i go to deal with the utility bills. Less interruption in Your day and something off Your plate.” And i explained the issue with depositing the checks from Him.

“I’ll have to think about it,” He replied. And we went to sleep.

Last night during Happy Half, Maximus shared His trepidation over me paying the utility and my personal bills from His account. It triggered Him, and i hadn’t known. Turns out that JB, his second wife, approached Him to do this very thing and ended up taking large sums of money from Him and overspending His accounts before they got divorced. After thinking about it overnight and during the day, He determined, “This is a great thing! gabriella’s taking something off My plate, which is what i want and need her to do.” He realized that with everything on His plate He hadn’t changed the account number in His bill pay and had been paying on the closed garbage service account rather than the new one–and He missed the bills that should have caught His attention about it. And unlike with JB, we have a contract, intense trust, and would not have the issue He had before. And, we have separate banks, i added, i cannot easily transfer the money between the accounts between the two institutions.

But He had one request. “I really, really like to read the inserts in the utility bills…there’s good information in them a lot of the time.”

And i replied, “And i would really, really like to read those too! Right now, i never see them because You recycle them when You’re done reading them when paying the bills. How about i put the flyers on Your desk next to the bills i’ve marked as paid when i’m done paying them and ready for Your review and filing?”

Win-win!

“And will you pay the paper bill, too?”

Categories: 24/7, D/s, financial submission, relationship, submissive housewife, trust | Leave a comment

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