Maximus and i went to a different munch last night in our continued search for like-minded people. It was much better than the first munch, in that people were much friendlier, it was better organized, the room had a door and thus felt much more private, and it didn’t feel as judgy. In all, the group dynamics felt better to us.
But it still didn’t seem “just right,” to quote Goldilocks. In discussing it afterward, the Munch format just doesn’t seem to work well for us, so far. In both cases, it’s at a restaurant and people come in at different times and order food, so people are in different stages of eating, which is awkward. And you’re stuck seated at a table, configured in such a way that you are cut-off from the majority of the group, not free to roam about and talk to a bunch of folks. If people near you are not interested in visiting with folks, you’re really stranded on an island; the four people across from us and next to Maximus came together and only wanted to talk to each other. What ends up happening is that we get seated next to people that, for one reason or another, aren’t a good visiting match, and we’re stuck for an entire meal. And after the meal, there isn’t room to wander about to meet people on the other side of the room.
What we would prefer is more of a “Meet and Greet” type of format. Have a room with bar tables, have snacks/appetizers, order drinks, have the introductions and then people can move about the room and visit. This way i don’t feel like i’m interrupting someone’s meal, you’re mobile and can meet lots of people. Then, if you want to have a meal with folks and visit more, you can.
Maybe there are munches like that out there. We’ll keep looking.
Next week we are going to a joint D/s potluck at a private event center. We’re hoping that this might have more of a format that we’re looking for. And, it will be D/s types, so maybe that will be a better fit. There was an M/s couple last night, but they were on the other side of the room and we couldn’t get to them (they did mention in their introduction that they are going to the potluck next week, so we just decided to wait until then to meet them).
All in all, we were more encouraged by this munch and Maximus decided that we were not going to go back to the first munch again. He just really felt uncomfortable with the lack of privacy at that venue due to the room not having a door, and didn’t feel it was right for us. i agree. And this munch was better run.
On another note, we did get an invitation to a dungeon party this weekend from someone from the rope class. Unfortunately we have vanilla company coming Saturday so can’t go. Dangit!! We’re secretly hoping our guests will cancel due to the potential for winter weather!!
After reading your most recent the postings, we have realized that we are not the only couple experiencing difficulties. Nearly all of the things you have posted about your experiences, we have experienced ourselves in some fashion. For example, we too have been trying to fully commit to the lifestyle. We have been able to maintain our devotion for six to eight months at a time. However, everyday life trials and tribulations seem to knock us of track for months at a time. Then when we are able to focus on our selves and the lifestyle, we have to start all over with a new contract, etc. etc. Although we have only attended one munch, it was not a pleasurable experience. However we did meet one couple that we have socialized with a few times. Because they have been in the lifestyle for sometime they did not seem to be very interested in newbies. We still see them from time to time and they are always willing to answer any questions that we have pertaining to the lifestyle. We have recently begun to focus on our selves again and hope to expand with the lifestyle.
Thank you so much for your note, Ljandta. We do feel like we have fully committed to the lifestyle, even through the times where life gets in the way. Our D/s is always there, even if we aren’t playing together or with others. We have never had to start over with a new contract, it’s been solid throughout and it has no expiration date, Maximus just likes to review it periodically so we are both clear on what it defines for us and make any amendments for things that may have come up. He is very much aligned with a business model, which permeates our D/s. i did find a recent post by Kayla Lords to be really helpful in navigating D/s with real life, which might be helpful: http://kaylalords.com/2016/12/3-steps-to-reconnect-in-your-ds-relationship/ and one of her podcasts as well: http://kaylalords.com/podcast/feeling-more-vanilla-than-ds-lb066/
Finding like-minded others is the real focus right now for us. We have been spoiled through the years with, first, a tight, like-minded swingers group (that unfortunately has fallen apart due to the organizers moving and several of us moving away as well); and second, a wonderful community at the annual Life on the Swingset Desire Resort Takeover (that we experience only once a year, other than when we go visit friends in between Novembers). So far, munches aren’t doing it for us, but we will keep trying to find what does. Right now, we feel too kinky for swingers and to swinger for kink, but we know others like us are out there–we just have to find them. We get glimmers now and again, so we know at some point we will intersect.
All that aside, Maximus and i are the true focus of us. It doesn’t matter whether or not we find others, we are the key to this relationship. At the end of the day, He is there for me and i am there for Him and that is really what we need. Everything else is just sprinkles on top of something truly amazing.