i’ve seen a lot of tweets recently about labels, that is, how to label yourself in the lifestyle, and i don’t get it! Sorry, but it’s true, i don’t get it. Maybe it’s a new thing, putting yourself into a specific box of what you do or are, but honestly, i/we cannot pin ourselves down into what we do and are…we change, we evolve, we do different things with different people.
Before i was retired, i worked in a very militaristic, male-dominated public safety occupation. i can remember one promotional exam where candidates were asked what their leadership style was, and the wrong answer, the WRONG ANSWER, according to the evaluators, was “situational.” WHAT?!? Believe it or not, i am a submissive with a Masters of Science in Leadership and a whole lot of experience in leadership, so i have a thing or two to say about this topic. And i do believe that to be successful in leadership is to adjust your leadership style to the situation, to the people you are interacting with, to the people you lead. An authoritative leadership stance will not be successful in all situations, nor will a transactional or transformational style–it depends on the situation, who is involved, the task at hand, etc.
i feel lifestyle is the same for us–it’s situational. Yes, Maximus and i are D/s, but not everyone we play with knows that, it’s not necessary. We don’t play with everyone that way. Even then, we can’t pin our D/s into one type (see Our D/s). We are kinky and participate in BDSM, but again, we don’t play that way with most people, it depends on the relationship and comfort level we have. i’m bisexual, but sometimes all i want is cock at a play party. i squirt, and i love it, but i don’t tell everyone that, because it can become a problem if i don’t squirt with someone and they get offended. Maximus has some interest in play with men with me, but wouldn’t classify Himself as bisexual and certainly doesn’t wish to indulge in this curiosity with friends who are not interested in this.
We feel labels are limiting. How we play with one group may not be how we play with another. AND THAT’S OKAY. We have friends that we are engaged in friendship and socialization more than sex, AND THAT’S OKAY. We have friends that we simply fuck, AND THAT’S OKAY. Sometimes we play together, sometimes we play apart, AND THAT’S OKAY. Trying to figure out a label that works for all of this is impossible and would limit who we meet and get to know, and that’s NOT OKAY with us. Yes, we have to choose some labels for lifestyle websites, so we are a full-swap straight male with a bisexual female, only because we have to and because listing a bisexual female gives us more options and listing a bisexual male would severely limit who we meet. Does it mean Maximus wouldn’t play with a man with me in the right situation, no! But it does mean that He wouldn’t play with a man who wouldn’t want to. We choose to communicate our desires rather than label ourselves into a box.
We are sexual beings…and it’s situational how we play. It’s like what Rika Van Den Hass tells Martin Riggs in Lethal Weapon II:
There’s no point in shopping for the entire week….I’ll never know what I’ll be hungry for from one day to the next.