i apologize in advance, as this is probably so inappropriate to say, but this is my journal and i need to get this off my chest.
The Seal’s memorial was just HORRIBLE.
It wasn’t because i was sad, i had dealt with the initial shock and have been moving through the grieving process. i was ready to celebrate his life. But his memorial, this event, was so dark, so depressing, so morose–there was no celebration about it. The tributes were dark; music was depressing; his estranged wife asked those in attendance to “continue to give us gifts and money”; and the drama, oh the drama between his wife, his children, tributes beginning with “I’m not going to address the fingerpointing and accusations, that’s for another time….”
What the hell? It was like he was killed all over again. And it just broke my heart.
We didn’t stay afterward. Maximus and i quietly walked out and away from the building, away from everyone, toward our car where i quietly said, “That was the most horrible memorial i’ve ever been to.” Maximus gave a huge visible sigh of relief and gasped, “Oh thank god, I was thinking that too and didn’t want to say anything to upset you!”
The Seal deserved a celebration. i know this was not at all what he would have wanted. i understand the circumstances of his death are horrible, it was a suicide after all, but can’t we celebrate the wonderful things about him? The man who loved to dance, adored his children, lived life on the edge and pushed limits? The man who would do anything for anyone and a moment’s notice? The one who called me Darlin’ and fucked and partied like a rockstar? Ok, so i know that last part isn’t everyone else’s reality of him, but it really was in his character.
So i will celebrate The Seal how i feel he deserved. A life lived fully, grabbed by the horns, daring, and fucking amazing, in all senses. i will take him to every party and dance, sweat, fuck how i danced, sweat, and fucked with him. i will embrace every moment of my life, cherish my friendships, love life. i won’t let darkness kill his memory. This will be his memorial, my memorial to my great friend, The Seal.