As i mentioned earlier, Maximus has tasked me with researching M/s relationships to help guide us in updating our contract and writing rules and protocol. The thing that was very glaring to us what the fact that Maximus does not have the need or desire to dish out corporal punishment for discipline. Don’t get me wrong, He loves punishment for fun (Funishment) as part of our sex play, but it is not a part of His discipline and He does not wish to make it a part of His leadership, dominance, or mastery.
i have been doing a lot, and i mean A LOT of reading. One book we found helpful was Paradigms of Power: Styles of Master/Slave Relationships edited by Raven Kaldera. This book is a collection of essays from masters and slaves in M/s relationships describing their style of M/s. While reading these essays, our M/s style most closely aligned with the Modern-Day 1950s M/s Household; Roman Slave-Advisor; Ancient Models, Modern Integrity; Captain of our Ship; and the CEO/COO Model. Let me elaborate.
Modern-Day 1950s M/s Household
In this model, the man is the Master “head of household” and the woman is the submissive slave homemaker (the genders can be reversed, but are generally along this line). The Master works and the slave keeps the home–think Leave it to Beaver. The slave has great value for keeping the household running and is very well-kept herself. Many 1950s M/s relationships include modernized 1950 fashions for the slave.
Our M/s is similar to this as Maximus is the breadwinner/head of household and i am the homemaker. Maximus does act with common chivalry of that age in terms of politeness and actions. We don’t, however, continue along with 1950s fashions, and Maximus values my leadership and career experience as a springboard more than would be present in a typical 1950s relationship. But, there are definitely pieces present in our M/s.
This model has the slave as a trusted household slave, companion, or advisor whose duties are to run the household, much like in the 1950s model. However, the slave often has valuable skills the Master needs, such as art, business experience, financial training, etc., and does these without a lot of micromanagement from the Master.
This is definitely a part of our dynamic. Maximus relies upon me to assist Him in areas of my expertise, such as correspondence, spelling, PowerPoint, research, leadership issues, etc. He finds my skills extremely valuable to Him and utilizes them nearly daily. i am a valued advisor.
Ancient Models, Modern Integrity
This expands on the Roman Slave-Advisor model in identifying the difference between how Roman slaves were treated differently than slaves of the American South. Roman slaves were prized for their skills and “human beings who happened to be slaves, not lesser creatures” rather than chattel.
The value of the slave is important to Maximus. For Him, i am prized, valuable, and not a lesser being, but in service to Him.
Captain of our Ship
In this model, the master is the captain of the ship/household and the slave is the first mate. The captain is is responsible for the ship and the crew and makes decisions accordingly. The first mate carries out the captain’s orders, but is really second in command, competent, important. As noted in the book, “The ship’s captain is not served by his first mate, the captain is assisted by the first mate.”
This again mirrors our M/s. i assist Maximus. i am respected to be intelligent, capable, and able to steer the ship/household in His absence. i know His orders and can keep the ship/household running without constant micromanagement. We like this model, but the identification of captain is difficult for me due to my past career and confuses our mindsets.
The CEO/COO model follows corporate structure, in that the CEO leads the business, in particular the interface with the external aspects of the corporation, and the COO takes care of internal operations. “The COO (slave) is responsible for taking care of the CEO (Master), and the CEO is responsible for taking care of the company that also includes the COO.”
This model very much aligns with our M/s structure. Maximus is an extremely skilled business leader and has been for decades. He is comfortable and highly capable in this arena, and therefore it translates well into our M/s. i love to serve, it is integral to my being, therefore serving Maximus by taking care of all internal operations so He can manage His business and our household company unimpeded makes me happy and complete.
Maximus is the head of our household, our ship/corporation. i am His prized and valued advisor who makes sure His needs are met and that He is able to work without the ups and downs of daily operations do not impede His progress. He is my boss, my captain, however, and i do function under His expectations. He does not lead by corporal punishment.
As Raven Kaldera and Joshua Tenpenny note in their book Real Service, an M/s relationship does not have to be based on roles, punishment, or high protocol–it can simply be “where one has dedicated a substantial portion of their time and energy to the service of others.” Our M/s is Our M/s. It functions by us, for us. It’s not necessary for it to fall into someone else’s category and there’s no M/s police coming by to make sure we are doing it in some preconceived way. It is our and works for us. It is comforting that this is the case. Important that it is ours. This is important for us to remember as we rework our contract, incorporate rules, and develop protocol. We don’t live other people’s kink–we live ours.