The Crux

crux (n.)

1814, “cross,” from Latin crux “cross” (see cross (n.)). Figurative use for “a central difficulty,” is older, from 1718; perhaps from Latin crux interpretum “a point in a text that is impossible to interpret,” in which the literal sense is something like “crossroads of interpreters.” Extended sense of “central point” is from 1888.

i can’t stop thinking about what’s happened. And i think i’ve been able to narrow down the crux of the issue, which, interestingly enough, is a word that comes from cross, as i believe the issue is how i feel Maximus dealt with a crossroad.

my feeling is that i do not agree with the decision Maximus made when standing at this crossroad. His justification, that He gave me, was that He felt that me knowing about His ongoing relationship, communicating and seeing Ms. W, would delay the process of my healing. my issue is that He really had three options to make when standing at that crossroad…one easy wrong and two difficult rights.

And i feel His decision was a breech of integrity, that He chose the Easy Wrong. This is why this hurts so badly, not just that He intentionally lied, but that i feel there was a lack of integrity in the decision. There were two right options, one that may have slowed the healing process, that is true. i feel He chose Ms. W, the easy wrong, rather than me, the difficult right.

i’m meeting with Fern Friday to go over this.