The other night i noticed odd behavior from Maximus. He wouldn’t put His phone down, walked everywhere through the house with it, even while changing His clothes. When He went to bed He first put the phone on the charger in my office but after i got up shortly thereafter, He got up and put it next to Him in bed. He’d also revealed accidentally to me days before that He’d changed the access code as well. This made me uncomfortable.
So in the morning, i accessed His phone. And i found that He’d deleted years of text messages thread, everything actually, from Ms. W. Every text from everyone else for years was still there, all but hers. Next, I found an unread email from her in His inbox telling Him she missed Him and related details if His week. And on His sent folder, an email thread from the day after His epiphany all about Finding days to get together and details of His evening…that happened at a time i’d been unable to get a hold of Him.
He’s been telling me throughout our counseling that He’s not had any contact with her, not seen her, not talked or texted or emailed her. Not only has He been doing that, but He’s been continuing it after He had this supposed glorious breakthrough where He said He was going to move on and not contact her.
i started with Imago. And He said it was all true, that He had lied to me deliberately about this and felt justified in doing so as He felt it would keep us from resolving our issues.
Seriously?!? Containing an ongoing secret, lying affair with a woman which has been the crux of our relationship crisis would be helpful to resolving our issues? In what world does that make sense?
Furthermore, Maximus has continually told me that He believes in honesty and truth so much that if He ever lied to me, or anyone He was in a relationship with, it was proof that the relationship was over.
So, to me, He’s telling me that He’s deliberately lied to me and that means He’s done.
i have been completely bare and honest, both in counseling and on this blog. i have shared how lying and dishonesty in my past relationship has been so hurtful and harmed me so greatly that even the fear of it can cause me to rage. He’s fully aware if this. And He deliberately did that to me.
He thanked me for not raging. And then He tells me, when i remind Him of His promise about if He lies to His partner, that “I gave Myself a pass.”
And that’s where i raged. Threw all His stuff in bags, clothes, sex toys, gifts. Everything. i carefully put His computer away and then as i brought it to Him i wondered…how many times has He been with her during this process? How many times has He been fucking her? It’s not in His daytimer where He puts EVERYTHING. i ask Him over and over and He won’t answer. i pulled put His daytimer and pulled pages out.
He screams, “That’s My life! You’re destroying My life!” And years the daytimer out of my hands. i yell back, “it’s a daytimer, You are actually destroying my life, our relationship.”
It was ugly and awful and we yelled and struggled. Eventually we sat down and talked more. He didn’t leave and Ge helped clean up the mess we made of the house and unpacked the car.
i texted Fern and we have an appointment with her this afternoon.
But i’m furious. Emotionally, mentally, physically exhausted. And i was short with Him. Which pissed Him off and He packed up again. i told Him to stop and after some time He did.
We talked. He went to sleep and i couldn’t.
This morning He got up, didn’t touch me, didn’t acknowledge me, got showered, dressed, made coffee for himself and went into my office and started working.
i look at this and think, why should i continue this? How long do i wait for there to be an honest happy relationship with Him? It’s been 10 months of angst with 9 days of bliss, based on lies.
Guilt for breaking up Ms. W’s marriage? How about breaking up our relationship? Try THAT guilt on for size. It’s not a belief, this one is FACT.