Monthly Archives: March 2013

Venus in Fur

Awesome A and i had been trying to get together to go to a play for months and unfortunately, i have had to cancel each one of the outings we’d planned for one reason or another. We had already rescheduled our night out, months ago, to the Saturday after we’d gotten together from my flight home. As it turned out, it was for an edgy play, Venus in Fur.

We ended up meeting at Spartacus, a great adult sex shop in Portland, as Awesome A texted that she probably needed to pick up some lube for her after-play date with her new BF, RichE, and that the shop was right across the street from the bar we were going to meet at. i texted Maximus, asking if there was anything He wished me to pick up and He requested either a giant butt plug or any apparatus for stretching/holding the ass open. i ended up getting a giant tunnel butt plug that accomodated both requests–He was very pleased.

During our happy hour, Awesome A got a text from RichE that he was out for a beer with a buddy and that afterward he was going home to bed, too beat to have her come over after the play. Wow–she was puzzled by this and asked me what i thought about it, was he not into her? Well, i navigated carefully on this one and said that most guys would never turn down a sure thing, which this was. So, this set up an opportunity for us to play again…and i carefully started making the moves to facilitate that…

We walked to the play after our drinks. This play is about a playwright who writes a play about Leopold von Sacher-Masoch’s 1870 novel, Venus in Furs, that describes a dominant-female, submissive-male, Master-slave relationship. In fact, the word masochism comes from his name after this book was published. In the play, Vanda, an actress, arrives hours and hours late to audition for the leading role as Vanda von Dunajew. She ends up convincing the playwright to let her read for the part, insisting that he read the lines of Severin von Kusiemski in character. She even has a bag of costumes for both of them, changes on stage to put the Victorian dress over her black bra, panties, garter, stockings, and black stiletto heels! Their reading becomes very intense and they end up personifying their roles, Vanda dominating Thomas, the playwright, through twists and turns.

Venus in Fur is awesome! It was so good that had it started again after it finished, we would have stayed and seen it again right then! It’s 90 minutes and so intense there is no intermission–there would be no way to restore the momentum had the play been interrupted for a break. Vanda arrives in a short black raincoat with a short black leather skirt and black corset underneath but changes between that and the Victorian dress and her undergarments over and over throughout the play. At the beginning of the reading she puts on a black leather collar and the rings clanked together the whole time, driving me mad thinking about how my collar makes that sound when Maximus fucks me. The D/s component of this play was just so erotic for me.

We returned to the bar after the play. Before we left the theatre, as we were walking into the bathroom, Awesome A said loudly, despite the crowd of women accompanying us into the bathroom, “I have a naughty thought!” She said she’d share it with me when we were done in the bathroom. When we arrived at the bar, she divulged her thought, which was “What do you think Maximus would say if I texted Him and asked what I should do to you?” i simply handed her my phone which was already ringing through to Maximus!!!

Awesome A stepped outside the bar to talk to Him because it was too loud to talk inside. She stood outside the glass opposite me while she talked to Him, giving me sexy eyes and driving me crazy! It was still too loud outside so she came inside and started texting Maximus instead. At first, i was not allowed to read the texts, but after getting handsy with her and several drinks in, she relented! Here is the transcript of the texts; Awesome A is orange, Maximus is light blue, and i am white.

It’s Awesome A! I said we r out for drinks and I told gabriella that…not that it would happen, but wouldn’t it be fun if she came to my place and you could tell us what you’d like us to do togther? 🙂 xoxo

Let me think about that. Humm. OK!!!!

So what would you want us to do?

I’m so shy and not very experienced.

Bull shit!

You aren’t buying my story? hehe

Nope. I’ve heard stories.

Ok. Here you go. High heels, short black dresses, nothing underneath because it’s after 6pm, a nice Cabernet wine and you start salsa dancing. You dance with a glass of wine in your hand. This will be hard not to spill but you continue.

Short enough? Awesome A

Oops… I splashed wine on gabriella’s breast. Will need to lap that up!

Now put the glasses down and salsa again and each of you pull down the others top down exposing each others breasts. No touching this area yet. Keep dancing.


Each of you want to touch but can’t. Not yet. That’s a good start. No underwear correct?

Did gabriella tell you about the clotheshanger nippes? I think they feel like gumdrops/ Yum! No underwear or bra…

Of course she did. She loved them. Full and perfect. No touching them yet.

I’m hungry!

You need to dance until you are both breathing heavy and sweaty. You both want to touch but you can’t. Not yet. Food or for gabriella? Hehe.

Both but mostly gabriella.

Of course, she is a fox. Now that you are both sweaty you each take the others dress off but keep your heels on. You need to keep them on. You so want to touch but you can’t. Not yet.


Of course. You need to be very very wet. You aren’t there yet.

I see the beads of sweat between her breasts and want to drink them in like sacred nectar of the mountains!

Now you are both naked in heels looking at each others amazing bodies, so wanting but waiting. The music now changes to a slow dance and you both draw each other close very close. You can’t drink the perfect nectar yet. Draw each other closer and closer so close you almost can hear the others’ heart racing with excitement.

Start your engines!

Now you start to kiss. Two perfect sets of lips engaged

We r going to do tequila shots. Should we do body shots?

You kiss and kiss feeling your bodies close. Yes. On your upper left thigh.

She has such petit quivering lips. So much more gentle than a mans.

Very much so. Very tender.

Sugar, this is gabriella, can you get us a room at the Marriott?

After kissing you slowly work your way down her neck kissing wet kisses. Sure. Which one?

Either one. We’ll make it worth your while.

On it

Awesome A says no pics or video but speakerphone and you can direct.

OK. Portland downtown Waterfront Marriott. One click away.

Love it thank u!

Done. Will send you the confirmation number. Do you squirt? If not you will. It’s intense.

I do have intense organsms & wet the bed but I’ve not seen it as a squirt.

You are in for an adventure then

Ok. bring it! 🙂

Ok hold. Issue with website. Give me a min.

It’s ok. We are having snacks and flirtatious foreplay so u have time.

How wet are you right now?

Not so much wet as body energized. We r in public so cautious so get a room and let’s see what happens

Understand. Reservation done. It’s under my name. Are you at the hotel already?

We r eating. not each other.

Ok. It’s under my name but I added gabriella’s name.


Back to my story. As you are still slow dancing your hand moves slowly down to her very very wet pussy. Finger her deep and fast working the g spot and she will cum very quickly and gush. It’s heaven.

Blah blah blah dance dance dance whatever. I just want to eat her pussy.

You ask what you wanted me to have you do. Hehe.


You do get to sit on her face.

Both of us? She is yummy!

You sit on her first. She will later. Don’t forget to keep the heels on.

Sugar, this is gabriella, i adore you.

Heels on and squat on her face after she does that to you.

Ok! We r on d way to d love palace. Oops, gabriella forgot butt plug in restaurant and had to go back.

Too funny. Use it on her.

Have bag of tricks, heading to hotel.


Heading to hotel.


At hotel. There are pilots in valet. Checking in then drinks and dessert to room.


We can go in and out as many times as we like.

Just poured a nice glass of Blantons. Funny. A definite double meaning statement. Hehe

Sugar, this is gabriella. So much fun! Down to bar to get drinks and dessert to bring up and then will speakerphone you for directions. Are you hard?

Very. Working on number three with Rosie as we speak. So want to fuck her while you eat her pussy. Three done. That makes 5 for today.

We made friends! Wow!

Nice friend, party on! Yummy

Maximus then texted asking what bank account to transfer funds into for us to use to pay for the room. It made us laugh and started a conversation from a Russian bride…

My name are Katrina and I’re love big man American. Do send check please to banking account to Siberia.

Nice. Do you have all your teetch?

No. Better blow job for you I do without teethes.

Excellent. 590 rubles.

I be you’re bride.

Extra 10 for that.

10 donkeys, family so proud. I have ass good.

Good. Love ass and give it good.

Asses mine be strong and hard and hairy. Braided beauty.

Perfect, just what we like.

We r @ Marriott bar getting tequila for body shots in room. Ok man?

Yes. You should order extra towels. Going to be a wet night.

We ran into a great group of women in the elevator…they wouldn’t share any VooDoo Donuts with us though, no matter how hard we flirted and tried. We did get a pic though!

In room with tequila and chocolate.

Two hot women plus tequila and chocolate. Priceless.

Call will occur

Awesome A dug her finger into the chocolate pots de creme we’d brought up from the bar and smeared it across my cheek and lips–we both licked it off me and then kissed. She then took a chunk of brownie from the chocolate trifle, held it between her teeth, and fed me half of it from her mouth. Oh my god! It was so hot!

We got Maximus on speakerphone.

He instructed us to salsa dance. We did, stumbling in lust and alcohol. Awesome A protested to Maximus, telling Him it made her flash badly to her boyscout ex. He switched us to a slow dance, which was much better and allowed us to kiss and fondle each other.

Maximus then instructed us to remove our tops and bras to suck on each others nipples. We complied. He asked if Awesome A was wet yet and we convinced Him to let us take the rest of our clothes off each other to find out. We were required to leave our heels on. Maximus instructed Awesome A to check my pussy with her fingers and then lay me back onto the bed, put her fingers into my g-spot and finger fuck me hard to get me to squirt. It felt wonderful, but she was afraid to do it too hard for fear of hurting me, despite our assurances that it wouldn’t, so i didn’t squirt.

The rest of the evening is kind of a blur as to instructions. Maximus had a loud orgasm at this point and we took over the course of the events, but Awesome A narrated explicitly, loudly, to Maximus, and it was insanely hot!”Oh my GOD, she’s licking my clit! She’s so HOT, so FUCKING HOT! Oh she’s going to make me cum, she’s liking my clit SO GOOD! She’s SO BEAUTIFUL!” for example!

Maximus instructed her to finger fuck my ass and she did it immediately, without hesitation. I then put on the strap-on and fucked her over and over and over. Maximus came four more times!

Finally it got late, well extremely late. Maximus needed to get to bed and was spent from an 8 orgasm day! We too, had separate plans for the morning. We crawled into bed and started to snuggle up, cooing about the evening’s events. As last time, she asked if she could use the wand to pleasure herself. i brought her the wand and began to finger fuck her pussy while she used the wand on her clit. i put in another finger, then another, and another, until i was fisting her, which she loved! i reached down and finger fucked her ass at the same time, DP’ing her with my hands. She came huge. We fell asleep with her right tit in my mouth!

Talk about a great night! And here’s evidence of it!


We got cleaned up and headed out for our separate days. i checked in with Maximus and we talked for hours as i drove home and then to my family event. We are both enjoying this adventure with Awesome A. i’m sure there will be more! Stay tuned!

Categories: BDSM relationship, D/s, fisting, girl on girl sex, M/s, Spartacus Leathers, Spartacus Portland, strap-on, Venus in Fur, Venus in Furs | Leave a comment

A Surprise Finish!

Now, i’m sure it seems that all Maximus and i did was talk, talk, talk all Valentine’s weekend, but that was definitely NOT the case! We had some amazing play with new toys and i finished it off with some amazing play with a new friend (well, not a new friend, but a new kinky twist to a great friend)!

The weekend before, Maximus had texted a fantasy about wanting to fuck my ass with a baseball bat. This was exciting to me because i had seen a video on one of our swingers sites that someone posted of fucking their wife with a baseball bat and i’d thought it was hot! i’d never told Him about it, though, and had actually forgotten all about it until His text. We sexted back and forth about it and then i remembered i had a mini Louisville slugger!

Maximus was running errands, getting ready for a business trip and for our Valentine’s weekend. Not to be outdone…i received this pic later…

When we went to bed our first night, after exchanging Valentine’s gifts and Maximus’ scene play, we started to make love and i realized that the scene hadn’t included the bat. i giggled about that to Maximus and He went to the closet and got the slugger. Maximus lubed it up and eased it into my pussy…WOW, talk about filling! He fucked me with the bat and then pushed His cock in as well, fucking me missionary style on top of the bat. It was amazing to be DVP’d by the bat and Maximus! The next day, though, Maximus noticed while i was playing with His cock that He’d gotten a little rubbed on the underside of His cock shaft from the bat. “Spring Training injury, sugar!” i exclaimed, “high five!”

The bed at the house we rented in the San Juan Islands had a wonderful metal scroll-work head- and footboard. Maximus had enormous fun developing scenes to use that bed and finally used His new GoPro camera for the first time, which He’d purchased at Christmas specifically for filming our play. What is hilarious, is that my childhood bed, which is now in my guest room, is cast iron scrollwork head- and footboard and neither of us have ever thought of using it for scenes before now! Different than my metal bed, however, this bed had knobs on all four corners…which made for some fun play!

Maximus collared me, blindfolded me, and laid me on my back on the bed. He put cuffs on my wrists and ankles. my hands were restrained above my head on the headboard, my legs opened wide and brought up to the headboard where they were restrained outside of my hands, exposing my pussy and ass. Clamps pinched my nipples and the wand vibrator was placed, on high, on my clit. Maximus made me squirt over and over, pounding my g-spot with His fingers and then toys. Eventuallly He took the long flexible double-ended dildo i affectionately call, The Mom, bent it in half, and DVP’d me with it! He captured it all on film, but i’ve not yet seen it. It was wonderful!

Maximus used this bed frame many, many times during our stay, in many configurations. It was fantastic! During one play session, Maximus took clothespins and clipped my labia together from the top of my mons down, effectively closing my pussy lips over my clit, but left just enough space open that He could slide His cock through and into my pussy. It was incredible for us both as it pulled on my lips and made my pussy opening very tight around His cock.

One of my favorite scenes included the wand shoved into my pussy and into my g spot on high vibration, The Mom in my ass, and Maximus licking my clit. He would bring me to the edge of orgasm and then stop…then start up again….and then stop…over and over until i had a screaming orgasm. i told Him He could charge $1,000 for that and make a fortune with women! One of my top orgasms ever!

The last night, i got a text from a non-play girlfriend, Awesome A. She is a great friend that i’ve known for a couple of years; we share a common interest in athletic events and met racing. Like with all of my vanilla friends, i’ve never divulged anything about my lifestyle, but over the past few months, and during the last couple of weeks in particular, i’ve gotten the feeling that she’d figured things out, due to the questions she’d been asking and topics of conversation she’s brought up. Here is the transcript of our texting, her texts are white, mine are orange:

I’m at a sex toy party. Should I get u something? 😉

Ummm…considering my checked bag on the train to Seattle for San Juan Islands trip weighed 49 lbs. (max 50 lbs) due to ummm….toys….i’m ok! But thanks so much!!

Oh baby, I love you! When r u back home? Want to see the last night of the 50 shades musical parody with me sun night?

Oh hell yes! But i have dinner with a friend who’s picking me up at the train station.

When r u done? I think the show is @ 8.

i don’t get into town until almost 9. i wanted to see that show SOOOOOOOO bad and couldn’t find anyone to go. Maybe it will encore and we can go together.

Doors 7, show 8. Just remember I’m your gal for edgy stuff! I don’t judge. I’m just spicy fun! I bought 4 tix and serendipity will fill them up!

FUCK! i’m beyond edgy!

Girl, you just got your edgy SCRATCHED. We are going to have to share edgy talk over drinks. You bring your edgy ’cause I’ve got mine. Game on baby!

Darlin…game on. We need drinks SOON.

So just fuck it. Fly back, I’ll frequent flyer you because I know you want to see the show. Where is your booty call central right now? Spokane? And btw, I met a guy and am having porn star sex! Not sure I’m ready for that shift! It’s just good to know that hard penises are not extinct!

Ummmm…we need to talk!! Porn star sex is my specialty!

OMG. What time were you scheduled to leave where tomorrow?

i’m leaving Seattle by train at 5:30. Can’t cancel pickup plans with lesbian chick…ummm

Too bad. I’d just frequent flyer you here. Can I do that and the 3 of us go to the show?

Lemme see when i could get off the island by ferry to Seattle and let you know.

Ok, cool. I can play your mostly straight but bi curious friend so she’ll be interested but not jealous.

i’m being very vulnerable right now and have a very intimate question. Are you straight or bi-curious? If you’re uncomfortable it’s fine. You can pass on the question.

For you, I tell the truth. I am into dating guys and that will be my next relationship but I have definitely been with women. And like it. Haven’t said that to many people but I trust you. Why do you ask?

Because i’m bi, not lots of people know that. And trust me my edgy is edgy.


Ok…Maximus and i are figuring my trip out tomorrow night. What could be the plan with frequently flyer flight from Seattle?

I’ll look.

And Maximus knows all and participates in much…

I love it. I feel like my world just expanded. 🙂

Girl…i will show you the world.

I am so LOL right now! I think you finally kicked my head out of that boyscout ex of mine. I’ve been missing the world! It’s like I am waking up to the dream I once lived!

i knew he was a boyscout. i thought you’d picked up on my secret and glad you did. Maximus and i have been talking about it for some time now.

When do u want to cum? U can depart 4:00 and arrive 4:47…Would that work? You’ve been talking about it specific to me or in general?

That would be purrfect and we’ve talked about YOU specifically.

Oh, I am honored! 

i then sent this pic of many, not all, of the toys i’d brought with me to our weekend:

 This isn’t all…i’ll hopefully get through TSA…

 OMFG girl!!! Sounds like a play date to me!

OMFG! Very cool!

R u & Maximus celebrating?

We celebrate many times a day. Yes…we are celebrating now too! Actually, watching a movie…we’ve celebrated a lot today already!

🙂 ok so I’m open to chatting with u about this. Really interested to learn more about u. Not sure how far I go with it all but I’m intrigued and excited to hear this about you! Yay! You’re so cool!

At this point, i got an email confirmation for my flight…which was not booked with frequent flyer miles (she could not use miles for this purchase apparently) and was extremely expensive!

Holy crap, just read email!

LOL! Well we are all worth pampering regardless, aren’t we?

Well i will make it worth your while! This is really cool! And, um, i will never wear a suit in your hot tub again! Was the first time in years i have!

You know what? I’m sure of it. Even if we just explore this conceptually as a first step, that’s still hot. Deal on the hot tub! Then I’m inviting you back! I’ve got to sign off for now 🙂

Then she sent boudoir pics from a calendar she’d made years ago. Very sexy and provocative!

i canceled my plans to be picked up from the train station, rescheduled that dinner for another night.

Maximus and i then went into a packing frenzy! He was so energized by these new arrangements, a new play interest for me, especially considering we’d already been talking about Awesome A. Maximus wanted to get everything organized that night, clean up the house, pack, figure out travel plans, etc. my main concern was getting all the sex toys home. i had brought everything we have in my largest suitcase, which meant i was going to have to check my bag, and this made me worry that we’d lose stuff through TSA. And, the bag was extremely heavy and would cost a fortune. Suddenly, Maximus realized i was just going to be gone for ten days before driving back up, and that i could leave the bulk of my things with Him and just take what i needed for my date with Awesome A and for the 10 days i’d be gone–brilliant! We dumped all my things and tossed what i didn’t need back into my huge suitcase; the rest i shoved into my backpack–voila!

The next morning i dressed again in my sexy black and white rose dress i wore on the way up, minus the butt plug and Benwah balls, and sans panties. We had lunch in Seattle and then Maximus dropped me off at the airport with a deep, passionate kiss and giggle, sending me off to my sexy booty call!

i made it through security and went to a bar for a drink and pondered about what a great life i have! Here i was, at the end of a fantastic weekend with my Dom, at the airport with my double Grey Goose on the rocks with a twist, waiting for my flight that a girlfriend arranged to bring me to her for sexual exploration! Wow!

Awesome A was waiting for me at the airport when i arrived. We embraced and giggled then jumped in her car to go to dinner before our show. i couldn’t stand it anymore and asked how she’d figured me out–and she said she hadn’t, she just loved my vibe and thought i was someone who was open and would be fun to go do edgy things with! i asked her what her expectations were, her experience, etc. Turns out, she’s very kinky! Not only had she been with women, but been with several, including several at the Pole Dance Competition in Amsterdam where she danced on stage! Her story was amazing, and hot! She’d not been involved with kinky lifestyle for years and after now breaking off a relationship with an extremely conservative vanilla man, she was ready to rediscover her edgy side.

i shared my story and kinks with her and then we went to a great bar in Portland, Hamburger Mary’s, for dinner, drinks, and bingo moderated by drag queens! We talked non-stop, flirted with each other and others, texted, sexted, took pics, and just had a ball…like we’ve always had…this time with much more edge and sexual tension. At one point, the Mistress in Ceremonies asked if anyone needed to be whipped and of course, Awesome A enthusiastically volunteered me!

From there, we headed to the Aladdin Theater to see Spank! The Fifty Shades Parody. Hilarious! We met another friend and her new boyfriend. Awesome A asked to sit on the aisle side next to me, which i didn’t really think to wonder why. But as soon as the lights dimmed, her hands were all over me…she wanted to be where she could grope me outside of eyeshot of our friends. It was driving me absolutely crazy! All i wanted to do was to turn to her, grab her face and start making out with her!

At intermission, i told her we needed to go up to the restrooms…my plan was to pull her into the stall and finger her, but there was a huge line of people waiting for one of three stalls, so that wasn’t going to work. So instead, i pulled her into the shadows next to the film booth on the balcony, and kissed her passionately! Soooo hot! Her hands played with me all during the second half.

We got in the car and headed to my place. i opened a bottle of wine and we went into my bedroom. She changed into a powder blue lace slip nightie and i changed in to my new black one that Maximus had just given me for Valentine’s. i put on the Pussycat Dolls playlist from Pandora and pulled her to me. We kissed. Heaven! We explored each others bodies with our hands and then mouths. Finally i pulled her down on the bed and brought my tongue to her clit….ah!

We spent the next couple of hours playing with each other. It started tamely, tongues, lips, fingers, and then we moved to toys. First came the wand, which she absolutely adored. i laid on top of her and we ground the vibrating bulb into our clits and came all over each other. Then out came The Mom and i fucked her with that using my hand and then slipped the other end inside my pussy as well. Her orgasms were beautiful! The strap-on was next…me fucking her with the double-ended dildo and more orgasms. We penetrated mouths, pussies, asses. As we laid in bliss murmuring about our evening, she asked if she could use the wand once more, that she adored it…and pleasured herself while i sucked on her gorgeous gumdrop nipples. We slept in each others arms.

In the morning, as we got ready for our day, she talked about how great of a night it was and how great it was to be edgy again. She wasn’t sure how she was going to proceed from this point, however, as it was new again and didn’t want to hurt my feelings. i explained to her again, as i had the night before, that i went into this without expectations and we would proceed at a pace she was comfortable with. For at the crux of this, we are friends, great friends, and will continue to be, no matter how the friendship continues.

i called Maximus on my way to work and filled Him in on all the steamy details. He was ecstatic! We talked about the possibilities, without expectations of Awesome A, but excited about what the future could hold.

What an amazing weekend!

Categories: baseball bat pegging, BDSM relationship, girl on girl sex | Leave a comment

"A" Game, Opacity, Bat Shit Crazy

Something that came up during our conversation at our Valentine’s dinner after i got off the train was the amount of, or lack thereof, of separate play over the last couple of months. As fate would have it, a few days before coming up, i had three men, who i’ve played with before, contact me to get together and had made arrangements to meet after i returned from our VD weekend. i told Maximus about each one of these as they came in, so it was no surprise to Him, and He was very excited for me. It’d been at least a month since i’d had any separate play, due to illness.

This sudden in-rush of playmates started me thinking about Maximus’ play and how it has dropped off. Not only has He not been playing, i’d noticed that He’d not even been online to any of His/our swinger sites. i was concerned that my previous jealousy issue, which had been due to a misunderstanding and later dealt with, had carried over and was making Him fearful of playing separately. And it wasn’t that He’d not gotten offers, Big E had contacted Him several times to entertain little e and Maximus had declined. This was not like Maximus at all.

Maximus shared that at first, He was a little gun shy about playing separately due to the episodes surrounding Ms. W, however, that wasn’t keeping Him from separate play. He’d gotten extremely focused on work and it has been so gratifying that He’s immersed Himself in that. As for declining play with little e…He wanted to wait until i could play with Him with her and Big E. This surprised me. “It’s just so much better with you, and I want to wait to share that with you,” He said. “And I don’t feel wanting by not playing, I’m happy, I’m satisfied.”

During our last night, laying in bed, this came up again as i had received a surprise rendezvous request from a woman friend who i didn’t know was kinky (more on this in an upcoming blog post). We were discussing my incredible upcoming week of play, the amendment of the no sleeping-over rule, and the conversation naturally returned to His play. As we were talking, Maximus talked about His options, WorkoutK, LeLe, Sunflower and Mountain Man, the local swingers club, and Ms. W. He spoke about how sex with others was B Game and that, comparatively, sex with Ms. W was pedestrian. This made me wonder and i asked, “So has our journey into BDSM and ramping up our intensity changed what was once A Game sex into B Game sex?”

“That’s really interesting. I hadn’t thought about that, I’ll have to think about it,” He replied.

The next morning, while waiting for the ferry, Maximus shared that, yes, our level of intensity of play has changed what A Game sex is for Him and that it has so satisfied Him that playing separately just doesn’t hold the same attraction. “I’d rather wait for A Game sex than have B Game sex,” He explained. “I’m just so happy and I don’t feel wanting.” He continued on that looking for new playmates on the swinger sites has lost much of its appeal in that He just didn’t want to invest the time and money required to woo new dates, the meetups, dinners, trying to get together, etc., for vanilla-ish, B Game sex. What He does love, however, is having me hunt, sharing that with Him, the thrill of my stories in all their detail, my excitement in finding new playmates for us.

What a switch this is. i’m not alarmed by it anymore, like i was, because i understand what He’s saying and i trust that. It’s beyond flattering and completely unexpected. Quite a big change for the quintessential ladies-man, swinger Maximus.

During our conversation about money, Maximus received a text message. As His mother had gone ill and His brother had been texting updates on her condition, i inquired if it was an update about His mom. He said, “No, it was someone else.” This was odd, as normally Maximus is very forthcoming about His texts, and usually tells me who it was and what they said. In addition, His face and body language changed when He said it. i thought, “Oh, it must be Ms. W. and He’s uncomfortable to tell me now when she texts Him.” i decided it wasn’t important to discuss now and i’d find another time to talk about it as i didn’t want this level of awkwardness to continue, should it have been a text from her.

i brought it up during our conversation while driving home. We were reviewing our weeks again and i inquired if He was going to get together with Ms. W. for her birthday. He said He’d not heard any plans for that. i asked if she had texted Him yesterday, and He replied sheepishly, “Yes, she did, but I didn’t respond.”

i replied, “You know, it’s ok to talk about her, You don’t have to hide that she texts. i understand now what the relationship is/was. My jealousy was based upon a misconception. Give me an opportunity to show you that.” i continued that i could tell that it was a text from her due to how differently He had responded to my inquiry. “Really?” He asked.

He talked about being completely transparent. And i replied, “You know, that’s not transparent, that’s opaque.” He pondered for a moment, and replied, “You’re right, that is opaque. I thought I was being transparent and it was opaque. I get that. I won’t be opaque.” 

We’re finding our level. i know He’s guarded about the subject of Ms. W because He’s cautious about hurting me, about talking about her so much to show transparency that it makes me misunderstand and feel jealous. i want to have an opportunity to show Him i’m not jealous and that i understand. Opacity makes it hard to do that, as i don’t get a clear picture of what’s going on.

Early Valentine’s Day card from Maximus

The last topic had to do with the phrase, Bat Shit Crazy and came up as we were just starting to talk about Porch Time. 

Maximus has referred to my couple of emotional blowups as going Bat Shit Crazy and i know He doesn’t mean it in a derogatory way, in fact, He has made sure to point out that it is done to make light of it, but my heart sinks every time He says it. i get embarrassed. So when we started talking about porch time, he mentioned Bat Shit Crazy and again reminded me that it wasn’t derogatory–i decided i needed to be honest with Him about my emotional response to that phrase and what is makes me flash to.

My last husband talked very derogatorily about His exes, wife and girlfriends. He described the progression of their relationships as normal until they suddenly went nuts, crazy, out of control for no reason. i was always extremely sensitive to this, trying not to ever go down a path that would lead him to call me crazy. And i believed him when he said he’d done nothing to potentiate this in those relationships. However, as our relationship went on, i came to understand there WAS something very wrong with his interpersonal relationships with women, that he was emotionally abusive, a verbal hostage taker, and i began to suffer from severe anxiety and anger in response. i even had an emotional explosion after a party at our home from something demeaning he’d said and ended up losing control and requested my mom take me to the emergency room to get me calmed down. This had NEVER happened before. i sought counseling and went alone as he refused to go with me. I let him convince me i had an anger problem and had my physician put me on an antidepressant and antianxiety medications in response.

It finally became apparent to me that i had a marriage problem, not an anger problem, and freed myself from that abusive relationship. i stopped my medications immediately, despite my physician advising i stay on them to “deal with” the emotions of getting divorced. i wanted to see if my theory was true, and had no problems “dealing with” my divorce process, in fact, i never felt better in my life. i had a marriage problem that led to my anger problem.

Now, in my effort to be completely honest and transparent with Maximus and share everything, i held this back from Him. i was horribly embarrassed about this, my hospital visit, losing control in angry outbursts, counseling, and being medicated. i thought it would diminish me and that He’d not want to be with someone with this history. And then i had the emotional outburst about Ms. W and worried it was a trend in relationships. i couldn’t let Maximus think i had a problem. i wanted to see if i could handle this so He’d never find out.

When Maximus had mediation for His divorce from JB, He described that she had gone Bat Shit Crazy toward the mediator during the process. He came home and detailed the day and included that His attorney had counseled Him on future relationships. “Don’t go out and get another Bat Shit Crazy woman and make sure she makes more than $100,000 a year,” she said. “Oh my god,” i reeled inside when he presented that, “thank god i at least make the cut on income. He can never find out about my response during marriage #2.” i honestly felt He was telling me that to find out if i met the qualifications to be in a relationship with Him. i assured Him that i was not Bat Shit Crazy and thank god i met the income requirement.

But Bat Shit Crazy made me flash back to that every time, made me feel physically ill. i was so embarrassed about the emotional blowups i’d had with Him and wanted to be so far past those, mortified that i’d been medicated during my second marriage, and absolutely fearful that He would leave me should He ever find out this past and that i’d not been forthright to Him about it.

i divulged it all in the car. And you know, He was shocked. Of course He was shocked. Shocked at my past, shocked that i’d allowed myself to be medicated, shocked that i’d not felt comfortable to share this, and utterly horrified that i thought His sharing of what the attorney had said was His truth, His requirements. He meant it as a funny conclusion of that horrible day, not a personal prerequisite for our relationship.

We’ve agreed to not use Bat Shit Crazy. And i’m thankful for that. We appreciate the conflict we’ve had and i’ve proven that these were isolated incidents that occurred from being absolutely frustrated to the point of explosion. This is not our normal means of communication, we’ve shown that. We’ve learned to communicate effectively, and have avenues for discussions. While we don’t plan on Taking it to the Locker Room, we know that it is a last resort when all means of communication fails, and it doesn’t mean either of us is crazy, we are just at our wits end.

i do feel better that Maximus knows my whole truth. And, it gave Him an opportunity to show me that we are together GOT. He didn’t run.

Categories: anger, bat shit crazy, BDSM, BDSM relationship, D/s, honesty, swinging lifestyle, togetherness | Leave a comment

Money Talks

There were other very important discussions on our Valentine’s weekend trip that were not related to readings from Living M/s by Dan and dawn Williams. I’m breaking these four main discussions into separate posts.

Maximus promised not to work at all during our weekend trip other than a brief scheduled phone call with the Regional VP of His company who wanted to let Him know what His 2012 bonus would be. He was true to his word and the phone call was brief, but amazing…Maximus was receiving a very large bonus. And when i say very large, i mean, nearly 40% of my yearly salary. i was shocked, needless to say, as i overhead the bonus announced through the phone. i knew Maximus made excellent money, it was obvious by His dress, His home, His travel, His hobbies, His ex-wife, but i really hadn’t grasped the magnitude of it before. Maximus was very pleased with the amount, but i could tell that it was not an out-of-the-ballpark figure to Him as it was to me–not unexpected.

When i started reading 50 Shades of Grey, i thought someone had been spying on us. Seriously, it was uncanny. It was a story about a woman from Vancouver–i’m from Vancouver, who meets a successful, wealthy businessman from Seattle–Maximus is a successful, wealthy businessman from Seattle, and gets swept off of her feet in a torrid, kinky, sexual love affair. i literally dropped the book. My response to my mom when i returned home from my first trip to stay with Maximus was, “i’m so out of my league.” He’d spoiled me rotten with dinners, dancing, riding comfortably in His luxury car and then sent me home with a $100 bottle of wine He’d purchased at a wine tasting…one of half a dozen bottles He’d procured that day.

He wears $200 jeans for grubbies. He asked me to go with Him to pick out things i needed in His kitchen for when i cooked there and we went to Sur la Table with valet parking; He walked confidently to the clerk and instructed her to assist me in picking out whatever i wanted/needed, and waited, leaning nonchalantly against the counter, in Pretty Woman fashion, as she gleefully picked out expensive items i’d only ogled at before. He didn’t blink an eye at the expense and even mentioned what a great deal those purchases were, while i reeled at the fact that i would have gone to a variety store for these things–Sur la Table was a place i’d only walked through making sure i didn’t knock things over at because i couldn’t afford to buy things there if i broke them! He wants to buy a new luxury car to replace His beautiful luxury car and while at a Toyota dealership with Swimmer Guy’s vehicle, texted a picture of a Prius that said, “New Prius. 37k. I could buy three of them [for the one luxury car He wants to buy].” He wraps gifts of expensive jewelry not in wrapping paper, but $1500 designer purses!

When Maximus told me early on that He wanted me to travel with Him, i made sure to let Him know that i would not go with Him as a free ride, that i expected to pay my share. He’d been talking about us going to St. Barth’s and said, “you won’t be able to afford to go there,” to which i replied, “Well, then You’ll have to give me a year or two notice so i can save up.” He took me to Las Vegas for my birthday last year and other than my airfare, which i insisted on paying, He paid for the entire trip, including some very, very expensive meals.

As time has passed, Maximus has been more insistent on paying for things, buying things for me. i work very hard to make sure i reciprocate, paying for meals, dividing lodging expenses equally. In fact, because Maximus used His credit card when we made reservations for this trip, i gave Him a check for half of the amount, and i expected that i was going to have to raise a stink to get Him to deposit it (He did the next day, initially expecting to destroy the check but deciding that action was not worth the consequences He would face from me for doing so). i’ve just never wanted to be a gold digger. It’s been very important to me. When He paid for our Valentine’s dinner the previous night, which was very expensive, in my book, He cooed, “You’re a cheap date!”

His bonus made it clear how large the financial gap is between us. It started to make me feel very uncomfortable, feeling that i just couldn’t keep up with Him, couldn’t keep up with paying my way with the places He wants to take me and things He wants to buy and do. It bothered me for several reasons, first, i don’t want to feel like i’m taking advantage of Him, His money had nothing to do with the draw i have toward or the love i have for Him; second, i do make great money, much more than most women and many men for that matter, and i’ve been the major breadwinner in my past marriages, have never felt beholden before; third, i did not want to be like JB, Maximus’ 2nd wife, who took advantage of His wealth and spent His money handily; and last, i just didn’t want to slow Him down or be a drag.

i started talking to Maximus about this, especially after He started showing me the Post Ranch Inn in Big Sur, California where He wants to take me…the 5th best luxury resort in the US. i picked out where we were staying for this weekend, finding a very beautiful guest home adjacent to a main house with a 70-foot indoor lap pool so we could do our workouts, and was inexpensive, $110 a night. Maximus was telling me how wonderful it was, what a change as in the past He happily, without trepidation would’ve easily paid five- to ten times that rate–i was showing Him value, and He appreciated it as He’d not known value like this was out there. He loved where we’d stayed in Bend, Oregon, is excited to stay in the condo we will stay at in Lake Las Vegas on an upcoming trip, both of which i picked out and had similar rates. But even at those rates and splitting expenses, and other trips planned to Hawaii and Lake Tahoe, i’m getting to the end of my discretionary spending and afraid i’m not going to be able to continue.

i tried explaining this to Him. And he wasn’t getting it. “Baby, I’m so sorry, but I just don’t understand what you’re saying. This isn’t a blue/8 problem…you’re speaking Swahili to Me and I just don’t get it.” It was emotional for me and my eyes teared up and i started to cry as i spoke to Him. i explained how terrified i was about breaking the $100 bottle of wine He’d given me and how i couldn’t even imagine opening it. “Why not? Drink it! It’s only a $100 bottle of wine and it’s for you to drink!” He admonished.

“i can’t,” i explained, “it’s a $100 bottle of wine…how can i drink that? The most expensive bottle of wine i have ever had was $40 and i get nervous buying anything over $14.”

“It’s a $100 bottle of wine, that’s nothing. Someone one gave Me a $1,000 bottle of wine,” He replied.

“Did you open it?” i inquired.

“Hell no! It was a $1,000 bottle of wine!!”

i responded, “Well, my $100 bottle of wine is Your $1,000 bottle of wine. Hell no i didn’t open it!”

“Ok, I get it.”

He explained that our relationship isn’t a competition. Maximus isn’t buying things expecting me to reimburse Him. There’s no tally sheet. It makes Him happy to do this and i repay Him by making Him happy–and i need to learn to accept this. And i’m teaching Him value, He’s discovering things He didn’t know were out there and available. He also explained that He’s never, ever had anyone who paid their way, or even more, picked up the tab for Him like i have; it’s been a big change for Him and He’s allowed it because He realized it was important to me. “I’m used to $500 dinner tabs, or more with JB. We even had a $1000 per person dinner in Chicago once…a $120 dinner tab like last night is nothing.”

“Pay what you can, because I know it’s important to you. If I decide we should go to Key West and you can only afford to contribute $35, pay $35. If we’re going to Europe and you can’t pay anything, don’t pay anything. If you want to pay half and can afford it, do it. If you want to pick up the tab, do it, I won’t argue with you about it. Whatever makes you happy. I’m happy to pay because you make Me happy.” He continued. And then joked about me paying the rest of it with sex and bondage, which made us laugh!

This is a big submission for me. And i hadn’t thought of it that way until we’d had this conversation. Taking me to beautiful places and getting things for me are ways Maximus feels He is taking care of me, sharing His life with me. This isn’t a chess game, there is no score card.

Categories: BDSM relationship, D/s, Dom/sub, financial submission, Living M/s, relationship | Leave a comment

i’m Not Her…

The day after our wonderful dinner, presents, and play, Maximus and i headed to the San Juan Islands to continue our belated Valentine’s Day weekend. The San Juans are a group of islands between Washington State and Vancouver Island, British Columbia, Canada. They are absolutely beautiful and neither of us had been there for years and years.

To get to the San Juans from Seattle, you take a ferry out of Anacortes, Washington, about an hour and a half north. We took back roads and stopped in little towns along the way to shop and eat. While Maximus was driving, i offered to read aloud from Living M/s: A Book for Masters, slaves, and Their Relationships, by Dan and dawn Williams of the Erotic Awakenings Podcast. We both love Dan and dawn’s podcasts and enjoy discussing things we hear from them–they bring up a lot of great topics for us to discuss, many of which we haven’t thought of. The book was no different and we had many revelations!

Here are some things we discussed and learned:

  • While our initial intention was to just do D/s in the bedroom, it has grown to encompass our entire relationship. Originally, we were under the impression that D/s had to be very strict and required the sub to be very constricted, chained and without freedom. But what we’ve come to understand is that there are any levels of D/s and each relationship seeks its own level. i prefer to be submissive to Maximus, it pleases me to serve Him and give myself to His pleasure and needs, and to follow His leadership. It is important to Maximus that i have free will, but He enjoys being Dominant in the relationship, being the final decision-maker, receiving the gifts of my submission, and being responsible for my well-being. i need someone i can surrender to, someone strong enough to handle that. Mutual respect is huge in our relationship. 

Our Total Power Exchange relationship is not anyone else’s Total Power Exchange relationship, and that is exactly how it should be. This does not make our D/s relationship any less or more than anyone else’s–it’s ours and that’s what matters.

  • Living D/s allows us to be completely authentic. Both of us have had two failed marriages each, that’s four failed relationships. And what’s very interesting is that our pathway through our marriage histories are very similar. For both of us, we were not our authentic selves in our first marriages, we had outside relationships looking to fill voids we felt in our marriages, for a variety of reasons. Interestingly, our first marriages were the longest. In our second marriages, we thought we were being authentic and thought our spouses were being authentic as well, but we discovered otherwise. 

Maximus and i have shared everything, the good, the bad, and the ugly. i have shared with Him things i never, ever wanted anyone else to know about me, especially my relationship partner(s); He has done the same. These communications are often painful and embarrassing, but freeing and has grown our trust with each other. Not only do we still love each other after learning about our truths, we love each other more for it.  

  • We both need love to be a part of our Total Power Exchange relationship. And this love needs to be monogamous. i have never been able to surrender to anyone as i do with Maximus, and this is due to the trust and love we have. While we are swingers and play with many others, together and separately, we separate sex and love, and sex with others is simply that, sex, not love. We have both struggled, and have had serious conflict in our relationship and with past relationships, with the concept of polyamory, to the point where i have become angry jealous over a misconception that Maximus was in love with another woman. Neither of us can do polyamory. 

Maximus’ previous marriage evolved into polyamorous situations, not necessarily intentionally, but not discouraged when it happened. It started out as Maximus encouraging JB to have swinging relationships to spend time with while He traveled so much for business and left her home alone. When she confessed to falling in love with these individuals and expressed desires to investigate that more, Maximus did not discourage this. This occurred multiple times and eventually led to the breakup of their marriage. Maximus did not engage in the same pursuit and these were V-polyamorous relationships in that Maximus and JB were married, JB and the other male had a love-relationship, but Maximus and the other male were not connected. JB had tried to get Maximus to engage one of her love interest’s wives into a poly relationship, but this did not happen.

Maximus thought that JB was being honest with Him about these relationships and didn’t think they risked the demise of their primary relationship as she insisted that wasn’t the case. Because she wasn’t truthful and it blindsided Him, Maximus has developed a fear of me leaving Him, thus the rule in our contract that we only sleep with each other. Through our discussions about our relationship and fears, etc., Maximus has come to realize that i’m not her–and this is a HUGE revelation for us. We discussed it and are amending our contact accordingly to reflect this.

  • We both thrive in an authentic, honest, over-communicated relationship. And we expect this of each other. Dan and dawn describe the chess game in their previous relationships, how interactions/decisions were win-lose; actions and communications were made by consciously deciding what you were willing to give up in order to get your way with something else. We both could so relate to this and absolutely abhor the chess game we’ve had to endure in our past relationships. We don’t ever have to strategize. When we discuss something, we don’t have to wonder if there is an ulterior motive and can trust that their answer is honest.
  • While we do trust each other completely, thrive in an environment of complete and total communication, we have had some complete breakdowns in communication, full of conflict, hurt, and disrespect. 

Now, if you’re familiar with group dynamic theory, you are familiar with the concepts of Forming-Storming-Norming-Performing. Forming is just selecting the group and in our case, is finding each other and transforming into a committed relationship. Storming is that necessary time in developing a group, any sized group, where they work out group function, mores, communication styles, discover their differences, and where different ideas compete for consideration. It can be contentious and full of conflict, and for the group to succeed, they must struggle through it. In the Norming stage, the group, through storming, has developed their goals and plans and know how all individuals work together. Finally, in Performing, the group functions smoothly, has developed decision-making processes, and deals with conflict without dissent. The group can revert back to previous stages by external influences and have to go through the process as they react to changing circumstances.

i can see this cycle in our relationship. While conflict is painful, it is so necessary. i know that Maximus would prefer not to have the conflict that occurs in the Storming phase. We have talked a lot about this and how to communicate to avoid this conflict. But, we have learned so much and grown so much from these conflicts that they really were necessary evils. i believe Maximus’ fear is that this will be the norm for how we deal with conflict–i know that this is part of our development and we are moving, if not already have moved, to the Norming and Performing stages of our relationship.

Dan and dawn discuss Porch Time in their book and on their podcasts. Porch Time can be called by any partner to move out onto the porch and have a neutral space to express themselves without the hierarchy constraints of D/s or be punished for what or how things are expressed. This is the last resort where all other avenues of congenial communication have broken down. They have used this only a few times in their long relationship.

Maximus asked me to listen to their podcast about Porch Time and we discussed it several weeks ago and then discussed it again when i read this chapter. What was fascinating was that Maximus felt that Porch Time was a place where you took notice that the other person had something very critical to talk about and would do it in a constructive manner with, “i feel..”, or “i would like…”, etc, not the intention of Porch Time where you had a highly heated, no-holds-barred, verbal fight that could include all those horrible disrespectful things like name-calling. It’s the “I/i can’t take it anymore” explosion. Neither of us want Porch Time to be our main means of communication, and it shouldn’t be! Dan and dawn weren’t presenting it as such. What’s important is that in the few times that communication fails completely and You/you are at Your/your wits end, you have a place without judgment or repercussions to speak freely and fully honestly, in whatever ugly face that has. The goal is to not have to ever have to use the porch and to use effective communication to resolve conflict, but the porch is there.

When i realized that Maximus and i weren’t understanding the Porch Time concept in the same way, i decided to use a sports analogy. Picture a basketball game where your normally even-keeled, level-headed player is having a bad game, acting out, getting personal fouls, behaving unsportsmanlike and really destroying everyone’s game. What does the coach do? They pull them out of the game, or maybe they got thrown out of the game by a third-party referee. Does the coach confront them right there on the sidelines, no, what do they say? “Take it to the Locker Room!” and they have it out there. It’s not pretty, it’s bare and raw and emotional. It gets it all out. Is this how you normally deal with your basketball player? Heavens No! Do you ever even WANT to go through this? No! This is how you flush out this bad behavior, blow out the steam. Normally you coach and build relationships. This is the last resort and the intention is to be perfectly blunt about this player’s destructive behavior, hope it gets it all out and resolved so they go back to being the high-performing, well-behaved team player next game. Maximus totally got this and was very relieved to understand that this method of communication was a last resort, not the normal means of communicating. So for us, we have Take it to the Locker Room, instead of Porch Time, and we hope to never have to use it, but we know it’s there should it be necessary.

  • We love the sexual aspect of our D/s relationship. i love being the slut Maximus desires and will do anything to please Him in this way. We both love searching for my limits. Is sex our relationship? NO! Maximus is 21 years older than i am and He honestly expressed His feelings about what happens when He’s 70, 80, 90 and how we deal with the sexual aspect of our relationship.

We both love being at swingers events and hearing our partner having sex with another person. We know the sounds, giggle at the reactions the other person has at what our partner loves to do. We come and watch, we participate. He loves nothing more than to direct me to do things with others. This direction is often more sexual for Maximus than actually having sexual intercourse. In fact, us alone together, with the BDSM components of our sexual play from the scenes He creates, can be more sexually satisfying than intercourse for Maximus. Direction even includes Him directing scenes involving others, setting up scenes at a distance for me to comply with. Beyond this, Maximus loves hearing me tell Him the details of my sexual encounters with others, in descriptive detail, and even watching via Skype or Facetime.

  • Discipline is one aspects of our D/s relationship that may differ from many other D/s relationships. And i don’t mean that we lack discipline, but that physical discipline is not a major component of our relationship. i am very sensitive to disappointing anyone, especially Maximus, so it is difficult for Maximus to add insult to injury by disciplining me harshly. My training is accomplished though meeting His expectations, achieving goals, and being coached to accomplish them or learn from missing the mark. i enjoy being physically spanked, flogged, cropped, so these traditionally physical punishments are not effective for me. This difference in our relationship made us feel that perhaps we were not following the rules of D/s, but we understand better now that this is just our way.

This is as far as we got through the book. We will definitely continue this process when we are together as it is fascinating and so helpful. We did have some awesome further revelations this weekend that were not related to the readings from Living M/s and will be the topic of my next blog post.

While the revelation that i am not JB is not the theme of this post, Maximus felt it was so huge that He asked that i use this as the title when i blogged about it. i find it fascinating that something that most people fear, kinky, power exchange, BDSM relationships, can be so revealing and freeing. For us, D/s helps us confront and deal with our fears, the same fears that are often present in vanilla relationships, such as abandonment, and does this so much more effectively, for us, than in traditional relationships.

Categories: BDSM, BDSM podcasts, BDSM relationship, communication, D/s, Dan and dawn, discipine, Dom/sub, Erotic Awakening, Living M/s, relationship, relationship needs, swinging lifestyle, Total Power Exchange | Leave a comment

Blog at

nijntje & The Bear

Dragons, Warriors and rabbits - The complex simplicity of my freedom under His domination.

Diary of seven

Diary of sub trying to survive in a modern dating world

Babygirl's Story Time

Memoirs of a DDLG Couple


Married submissive: The love, the kink and the connection.

A website for the modern feminist

Active Submission

Because it shouldn't be passive.

The Bee hive

The World of Princess Bee

Domestic Discipline, Jenny style!

Unconventional journey to unimaginable fulfillment.

InnThrall: Your Kinky B&B

Private, Sex-Positive, Romantic Getaway

Lifestyle Wives


The Beautiful Kind

A submissive's journal

Thrill of the Chaste

Personal experiences in the world of Male Chastity

On The Wet Coast

A submissive's journal

A Sexual Being

Where the lines of fantasy and reality blur…

TMI Tuesday blog

A confessional where people come to reveal too much information--sexy secrets, dirty deeds, and more.

serenity through submission

married D/s... 24/7


A submissive's ascent into BDSM