Gabbing, talking, sharing, conversing, COMMUNICATING…there are few things more important than that in any relationship. Invaluable. Priceless. Critical.
i came up to Maximus’ yesterday, not for the purpose of dealing with my batshit outburst, but as part of a previously planned trip to support Him during a difficult time, his divorce mediation the end of this week. i was pretty terrified about coming up. i actually imagined that i’d walk in and find Maximus and The Englishman sitting in His living room waiting and asking me to leave when i walked in. They weren’t, they didn’t.
This wasn’t the time to talk about what happened or my jealousy. But we ended up talking about it anyway. And i think we are both relieved about it. It took hours, in bed, late. It was time and energy Maximus didn’t have in reserve to spend, yet He did, despite my pleas for Him to stop and sleep. It wasn’t that i was refusing to talk about it, i didn’t want to again be a distraction and i wanted Him to get some rest.
It’s not the final talk, but it cut a ton of tension, and we had some epiphanies. First, Maximus could not understand why i could not see how different He was with me than He was with Ms. W since everyone else could see that. i can’t see that, it’s not possible as i am never around when He’s with her, while those people are. In the absence of that, my fear made up a ridiculously inflated false reality of who they are together. Second, during the course of the conversation, Maximus was discussing something and mentioned, if not for the affair of JB and Covert Ops, Ms. W would have been someone He would have met and not seen again, that she is not someone He would have pursued a relationship with. The situation of the affair, impending divorces, and shared experience have brought them into a friendship of support. It never was a love interest. i did not know this, never realized this.
As the old saying goes, “Assume makes an Ass out of u and me.” i’m not going to blame this on either one of us making assumptions–but it illustrates the importance of communicating, asking, listening, and not making up realities out of incomplete information. We have more to work on, i have more to work on. While i feel relieved and it makes me want to think the jealousy is gone, i will be realistic and agree with Maximus that we have work to do on my feelings of jealousy. And while i’m embarrassed to have the man i love point that out to me, i am deeply moved by His concern and commitment to this internal issue of mine, especially since it reared its ugly head so explosively toward Him. I think most men, most people, would put up walls and expect the person feeling the emotion to deal with it independently, as if to say, come see me when you’ve got this thing of yours figured out. i hold a great deal of gratitude and indebtedness that Maximus is wanting to help me with this. Don’t get me wrong, this is my issue that i have to ultimately deal with, but it is helpful to have someone there supporting me while i do it.