Last night a Facebook page i follow, Limits and Temptations, posted this topic for discussion:
Topic for discussion: Jealousy. How do you, as a sub/slave/bottom deal with your Owner/Master/Dom/Daddy/Sir having others serve them?
And i realized i should have addressed this in my last posting (Sex with Friends) about my weekend with Mountain Man and Sunflower.
Maximus and i come to BDSM by way of the swinging lifestyle. We met each other at a house party years ago, both attached to other people (not BDSM attached, married). So, we have a lot of experience with sharing ourselves and being comfortable with our partners being with others, both in our presence and outside of that. The swinging lifestyle is something that we enjoy, fits our personalities and needs, and is not something either of us are willing to give up. Separately, we have come to realize we are not monogamous people, although we are extremely LOYAL people. Sex and love are two different things for us, something we can separate. We have sex with many others, and while we may have deep connections with some of our lifestyle friends, we LOVE only each other.
We discussed in great detail how swinging lifestyle would fit into our Dom/sub relationship when we worked on our contract. Our contract allows for Maximus or i to “enter into any sexual relations with anyone other than each other….in or outside the presence of either party, at any location, at any time.” We live separately, three hours apart, thus our time together is limited; we both understand and respect that we are sexual beings and desire sexual relations more frequently than our time together allows. Maximus may not “loan” me to any other Dominant, however; He may “direct” me to “serve another Dominant” within the limits of my BDSM allowable activities list, but i am not to be loaned as even temporary property to another. Maximus is my Master and i am solely His property and cannot be owned by any other Dominant. Additionally, per our contract, i will be Maximus’ only sub and He cannot take ownership of any other subs. Should it please Him to have me serve another Dominant, i will obey. It pleases Him that i play with others and share my stories with Him–and i enjoy hearing about His experiences as well.
We are both free to continue our swinging activities together and separately with existing and new partners, but we are required to notify each other of requests and scheduled rendezvous promptly. We both understand that some events are spontaneous and our contract requires us to notify the other as soon as possible after a spontaneous, unplanned encounter. It is understood that some activities on our BDSM activities list may occur with others during these times, such as spanking or flogging or bondage, but they are activities, and do not represent the development of a new Dom/sub relationship. Acquisition of a new sub or Dom, or declaring love for another represents a catastrophic breech of our contract and betrayal of our commitment to each other.
We do have one very specific rule in regards to swinging. We both find sleeping with someone, as in actually sleeping, not the euphemism for the act of having sex, to be extremely intimate and special. Except in very special situations that are communicated and mutually agreed upon, we are not to sleep with anyone other than each other. When we are together, we will always sleep together. This includes situations where we may be playing in separate areas at a party or at our homes and may dose off in afterglow–we will always get up and find each other in order to sleep in each others arms for the remainder of the event. We may agree to return to play with others after that, but it is unacceptable for either of us to spend the entire event apart without spending intimate time connecting with each other and affirming our commitment. My sleeping with Mountain Man and Sunflower was discussed and mutually agreed upon prior to the event and approved because i would be sleeping with them together, not alone with Mountain Man, which would have been a breech. Therefore, when Sunflower left my bed, it was no longer acceptable for me to be sleeping with Mountain Man (for several reasons, which i discussed in my earlier post).
The great thing about incorporating swinging into our BDSM relationship is that it gives us the ability to learn from more experienced others since we are new to BDSM. We have recently met another couple, who lives near Maximus, who have been in BDSM for years. This couple has expressed interest in Maximus playing separately with them and with her alone, and we are both very excited for Him to have the potential to learn from this arrangement. Maximus and i talked a lot before Mountain Man and Sunflower came to stay this past weekend, knowing that they were venturing into BDSM and Mountain Man had expressed interest in my BDSM activities list. My instructions from Maximus was to learn, accept training from Mountain Man, and that it would please Him for me to serve Mountain Man in whatever way he desired–i was not being loaned to Mountain Man, i was being asked to serve him in a BDSM role and obey his requests. i was serving Maximus in this situation and this is the distinct difference in being with Maximus and any other Dominant. Mountain Man was being dominant, but was not my Dominant–he’s Sunflower’s Dominant.
So my reply to Limits and Temptations would be, no, there is no jealousy for Maximus, my Dominant, to be served by another submissive, as long as it is done within the agreements in our contract. There are times that i have questioned the nature of His relationship with another, for clarification, such as the case of Ms. W, because i assumed He was in love with her, but He has assured me that He is not. If He were to fall in love with someone else, wildcat jealousy would not even begin to describe my response, and rightly so. i would expect the same from Him.